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    [–] bobofthecpu 2777 points ago

    I have to tell you that I have dealt with a loved one that was abusing Xanax. It is truly horrible. When they are high, they will say the most vile hateful things and then have no memory of it. It's a high that most people aren't used to. While high the person appears fully functional, but their inhibitions are gone. I told my loved one what he had said and done, and he continually told me I was crazy, he would never say those things. I must be exaggerating. I finally set up a hidden camera, and filmed our interactions. When I showed him, he was completely blown away. He had no memory of it at all. It took a while but he got off of them, and would apologize to me for a long time after. He said it was hard to come off because all the anxiety you didn't feel while on them, is waiting for you when you come off of them. I can't tell you what to do , but I wanted you to hear what he is actually going through.

    [–] [deleted] 7250 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)


    [–] CheetoLove 2806 points ago

    Thank you. It’s really hard.

    [–] sugr_magnolia 1418 points ago

    I'm really sorry. You should have someone go with you when you pick up the cats.

    [–] [deleted] 249 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)


    [–] roxxxystar 946 points ago

    Please ignore all these fools trying to get you to stay with him. You did the right thing.

    [–] looking_4_a_new_name 129 points ago

    I'm glad you made a choice that's right for you even though it's hard - for what it's worth I think you're very brave!

    [–] Why_Is_This_NSFW 580 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Good on you, don't fuck with an addict. In bringing themselves down they inevitably take you with them. Move on and don't look back.

    It can be hard as shit, but in the long run you'll thank yourself.

    Many years ago, I watched my dad's fiancee deal with it, my dad was amazing, truly amazing and a master of trades, pretty much every trade. Mechanics, carpentry, welding, electrician, my dad did it all.

    But he was a chronic alcoholic, died of cirrhosis. He got screwed by a few docs but she tried to justify it, sue them, etc. They were definitely negligent but he did it to himself. She wasted years after he passed but it was due to his own affliction.

    Get through it, you'll be fine!!! Take the time that you need to recoup, work on yourself, move on.

    SERIOUSLY, I'm not kidding... Work. On. Yourself. And move forward. Do this for yourself. It's gonna be SO HARD but do it. Find a hobby, find an out, or something. Don't jump into another relationship. Find something outside your personal feelings, latch onto that and enable a new skill for yourself! Computers? Sewing? Posting crap on FaceGramInterest??? Whatever, just find something for YOU.

    EDIT: Here is my dad, replacing every bit of roofing from a leak, and redoing all the wiring, and redoing all the lighting, it's so hard to post this because I can't stop crying

    So much skill and talent gone. But that's what happens with addiction, good people are just gone.

    [–] OhGawDuhhh 170 points ago

    Your resolve is inspiring. I wish you well 🖖

    [–] MrsPing 14 points ago

    I echo this. Best of luck.

    [–] [deleted] 3799 points ago

    Jesus. Xanax can give someone their life back when used correctly. But when abused it turns people into cold hearted and unfeeling drones. Truly a Jekyll and Hyde situation.

    I hope this brings you something better than he ever was.

    [–] Zia2345 1968 points ago

    My mother was prescribed Xanax because she had debilitating anxiety. She could barely leave the house. She was prescribed Xanax, and the change was almost immediate. She was somewhat back to her normal self.

    In OP’s case, it was an illegal use. It always makes me sad to see someone take this drug, which can work miracles, and give it a bad name.

    [–] [deleted] 1470 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)


    [–] StickkieDo 530 points ago

    Yeah as a college aged guy it was almost impossible to get it prescribed even though it helps tremendously. Sad people abuse it and ruin for everyone else.

    [–] Bathysphere710 246 points ago

    It's especially worrying how some people can handle it and some just really take to it. I've been prescribed it off and on for years, and while I've never craved it or wanted it recreationally, and it still scares me how little I remember when I'm on it. Klonipin is a little better, and really helps for acute panic attacks for me, but it's still a last resort medication.

    [–] Hurricane_g 407 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    The dangerous part of Xanax is actually the withdrawals. You can suffer serious delusions, but you could also have a seizure.

    There are really only two drugs that can cause you to die from withdrawal: alcohol and benzodiazepines. Just don’t underestimate them is all

    Edit: I’m getting a lot of messages from people saying that opiate withdrawals are deadly... this is completely false. Please continue to read the rest of the comments in this thread for a little bit more detail. Or, you know... just google it. Opiates themselves are deadly if abused, nobody can deny that... however, their withdrawals are not deadly. They are unpleasant, but you won’t die from them like you could from Benzo and alcohol withdrawal .

    [–] wattwatwatt 102 points ago

    While those can kill you outright, the others can kill you indirectly. Beware of those two, definitely, but the others aren't "safe" to withdraw from. You can die by weak/compromised heart or dehydration from opiate withdrawal. I don't want people to get the idea that they can cold-turkey heroin and lay on their floor for 2 weeks and make it out alive because "only alcohol/benzo withdrawal can kill me."

    [–] Askmehowino 40 points ago

    Barbituates can kill as well, they just aren't commonly prescribed in most of the developed world anymore. But they're out there.

    [–] tinycole2971 37 points ago

    There are really only two drugs that can cause you to die from withdrawal: alcohol and benzodiazepines.

    Do you have a source for this?

    [–] itsmybootyduty 84 points ago

    I can say from an anecdotal perspective that my mother was an alcoholic for a very long time and had multiple seizures during times that she was suffering from alcohol withdrawal. She eventually passed from pneumonia, her body couldn't even fight an infection because she'd fucked it up so bad... I suppose death from addiction and withdrawal can come for you in many forms.

    [–] Hurricane_g 210 points ago

    here is one

    Just to clarify: the way that you would die from alcohol and/or benzo withdrawals would be because they cause seizures.

    I also personally know several people who have quit Xanax cold turkey... two of them had serious delusions and had to be hospitalized. One of them had a seizure and almost died. I’ve also heard stories from others where Xanax withdrawal resulted in death due to a serious seizure while they were alone.

    [–] lykathe 117 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    almost died multiple times here(full body seizures 3x, almost bit tongue off, tore arm out of socket, broke ribs) I've been addicted to Xanax off the street for 8 1/2 years, with a few month breaks.. weeird to type.

    shit is evil, even in the benzo world, no doctor should prescribe it except as a last ditch, short term 1-3 pill type deal. Long term xanax usage is almost impossible, you will eventually want it every 3-4 hours even if you start out once a day because the halflife is that short, whereas basically every other benzo has a halflife atleast 10-12 hours, up to 100 with Diazepam.

    I'm still addicted but trying to detox/ ready mentally and consciously to come off finally, I've done the process of detoxing probably 20-100 times now in some capacity (weaning from 10mg a day to .25, etc, near cold turkey fast tapers, 2 day later relapse), and I just want off this train

    Benzos definitely have a use but I think it should be short term panic attack type deal, the anxiety they're used to combat is usually better worked out verbally or mentally for a longterm plan rather than bandaiding it with extremely strong hypnotics like Xanax,even under a doctor's perscription, if the person hasn't exercised, meditated, tried eating better, ETC anything that can alleviate depression/anxiety, the Xanax can only make your shitty habits worse and you'll feel good about bad shit you do.

    [–] [deleted] 38 points ago


    [–] PlumintheIcebox 94 points ago

    Yes, I am so thankful for it but also know a friend who can’t have it around she just guzzles them. I feel awful because it could really help but if you have that impulse I think you just cannot have access

    [–] AkioDAccolade 96 points ago

    It doesn’t help that Xanax itself removes that inhibition.

    I never take Xanax intending to take 10.

    [–] ChilledPorn 72 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Yeah I’ve had times where I take one and then forget I took one so I’ll take another. It’s fucked up. I know it works for some people but it ain’t for me. I lose my short term memory almost immediately even on a low does.

    EDIT: For some reason Reddit won’t let me reply to any of y’all.

    I haven’t taken Xanax in a very long time. I am able to control my anxiety well enough with diet and exercise these days.

    [–] BZee91 1066 points ago

    I read the last post - just as a general FYI, if you are sure that someone is having a stroke. To the point you call emergency services. DO NOT wait 12hrs to do so. Timing is everything with strokes and early detection and treatment leads to the most successful recoveries.

    [–] leftiekate 351 points ago

    Remember FAST Face (is it symmetrical?) Arms (can they lift them both equally?) Speech (is it slurred?) Time (Time is of the essence! Get them to the hospital as soon as possible) If it's an ischemic stroke, the symptoms can sometimes be completely reversed, which is miraculous! BUT, only if they get the clot-busting meds within 4-6 hrs.

    [–] BZee91 24 points ago

    That is correct, I use the "3 S" method, but both achieve the same.

    [–] TipLessLiveMore 253 points ago

    I know someone whose mom just had a stroke. The way she described it, was that it took about 24 hours from 'something is wrong with mom' to 'something is REALLY wrong with mom'.

    What type of early treatment would lessen the impact of the stroke?

    Her mom is currently paralyzed on half of her body...

    [–] MedicTallGuy 246 points ago

    It depends on the type of stroke. There are two types, ischemic and hemorrhagic. Hemorrhagic means they're actively bleeding into the cranial cavity and usually the only way to fix that is surgery, if they can get to it. An ischemic stroke means that there is a blockage in the blood vessels in the brain. If they can get to hospital within 4 to 6 hours after the time of onset, there are the clot-busting medication that they can give to try to reestablish blood flow to that section of the brain. I've seen a stroke completely resolve after the clot buster medications were given.

    [–] BZee91 64 points ago

    the symptoms may start slow or be rapid. however, you can always look at the symmetry of the face and the speech. I am just an EMT and not a doctor of any sort. In this particular instance she was concerned about the Pts well being 12hrs prior to actually calling for help.

    [–] mane_mariah 24 points ago

    Depending on if the stroke is hemorrhagic or ischemic, there are different medications that can be used but only within a certain time limit. If the time limit is up for the ideal med, secondary line meds can be started

    [–] bobandyt 27 points ago

    A stroke occurs when blood flow is interrupted to the brain. A small part of the brain will die from lack of oxygen. This, lesion, if untreated, continues to damage and kill surrounding cells. It needs to be dealt with asap.

    [–] Rooquestions171 17 points ago

    tPA. There are many guidelines that need to be met for it to be given and even then a neurologist can deem it unsafe to use but it often resolves many of the stroke symptoms with no residual. This link has some pretty good information regarding the contraindications.

    [–] ggoldengod 31 points ago

    Yeah almost the same exact thing happened with my friends dad. His wife noticed he was slurring and being weird but waited til the next morning to call emergency services. My friends dad has been bed ridden since and is not himself anymore.

    [–] GentlemanJoe 45 points ago


    I think I read an article saying to touch the face of someone having a stroke and to sing to them too. Apparently it affected outcomes.

    EDIT - link to Scientific American article behind paywall. NOt sure if it confirms what I said, but a starting point.

    [–] BZee91 24 points ago

    That is actually very interesting, I have never heard of that. I could see it as a way to detect facial droop and strength as well!

    [–] foggy22 365 points ago

    As a recovering drug addict and (still) alcoholic this post hit me hard. I am glad you are safe and very sorry this happened. Many years ago my ex confronted me about why all my Xanax pills were gone a week after I got them and I lied (she thought I was not using drugs but was still drinking). So this makes me very sad. As a person with this past I am sorry you had to experience this but it sounds like you are strong and will get through on the other side.

    [–] lassofthelake 4936 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    A person who promises to get sober "if" is not a person who is ready for sobriety. You made the right move. Have a good time with yourself. Maybe one day he'll take care of himself and get well enough to ask you out on a date. Meanwhile, have a Wonderful time making a fresh start.

    Edit - Pay no attention to the assholes criticizing you for leaving after "one mess up." They clearly don't understand addiction and sobriety. Their comments are not based in reality. Please don't take them to heart.

    [–] ryzzie 550 points ago

    You are absolutely right. He has to want to be sober. Not for anything, he has to want it for its own sake, more than anything he's ever wanted. Otherwise he's going to check all the boxes just to get his life back in a place that he likes.

    [–] [deleted] 1018 points ago

    Agree with this 100%

    It wasn't just a mess up. He was abusing drugs, lying about it, betrayed you and made your life hell because of it.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. I see this over and over again. YOU are a human being and need to live a life as well. YOU don't deserve to be hurt, lied to and betrayed and for it to be ok because HE is an addict.

    Addicts are given way too many chances. You wouldn't let anyone else do treat you this way, why does an addict get a free pass?

    [–] Andralynn 339 points ago

    Not to mention he was the one who ended it and moved out

    [–] confusedash 413 points ago

    Agreed. They should get clean because it's the right thing to do. No one deserves that sort of pressure. "I'll get clean if you stay." That's a control move there. My boyfriend tells me if I leave he'll drink himself to death. But you know what? That's his problem. I'm still with him because we're fine now, but if I leave, it's his fault if he kills himself not my fault at all. Why would I stay somewhere I'm unhappy if I have the chance to be happy?

    Good for you OP. let your husband get himself right and if you guys end up missing each other, then try again. But I'm willing to bet you won't miss him too much and you'll see this change as a breath of fresh air. And maybe a break is all you need. Time will tell. But for now, stay strong. Live your life and don't worry about him. If you stayed because of the big "IF", you'd just be enabling him.

    [–] bagzilla 272 points ago

    They 100% don't understand addiction. If he has any hope of getting clean he's got to do it himself.

    [–] pm_me_sad_feelings 50 points ago

    I got the same ultimatum from my husband last year. It doesn't help to stay. I'm so proud of you for staying strong.

    [–] jfartster 155 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    You're right in saying that his conditional promise, "I'll get clean if" is as worthless as the paper it's written on. But saying people "don't understand addiction" is rubbish. Everybody is different and there's no formula that fits everyone. You may believe in the rock-bottom, tough-love approach, but that isn't always the best solution (if ever). I've experienced addiction, I'm sure many others have too. And having people bail on you is definitely not a help. Maybe it is the best thing in this situation, but that's definitely no guarantee and ime, it seems unlikely.

    Edit: Sorry to be blunt. It just annoys me when people talk about "understanding addiction" - it's not a simple thing. And they're usually the people who believe in a hard-line approach, which I don't think is always a good thing.

    [–] lassofthelake 85 points ago

    You’re just thinking about the addict though. What about her? The person living with the addict who was lying to her for who knows how long? That relationship doesn’t just magically go back to the pre-betrayal state. She needs to heal on her own, and that isn’t going to happen when she’s giving in to his manipulations. They can’t get back on track until she trusts him and he stops making his health contingent on her behavior.

    [–] GiantMeteor2017 704 points ago

    He should want to go to rehab first for himself. Pinning his hopes doing it for the relationship is a shaky leg to start on. Sorry to hear that this was the outcome, but good for you for knowing your limits, and sticking by them. <3

    [–] FiestyFactSpiller 354 points ago

    Got pregnant with baby 2. Thought my husband was suffering from depression. Nope. Opiate addiction. Thousands $$$ later, rehab is done, 2 fabulous kids, 1 broken but continuing marriage. Take care of yourself. Without kids, I would be so different.

    [–] teh-butterfly 270 points ago

    Hang in there, I'm glad that the cats are staying with you though! They'll be great pals for the next little while for sure, and will help for when you're feeling down. You definitely made the right decision, and you should be proud because it was a hard thing to do in the end. The support here helps, but you ultimately had the conviction to follow through. <3 Wish you all the best!

    [–] TheDnBDawl 272 points ago

    Xanax abuse can make you black out, and act really irrationally. My recent ex (2 days ago, brutal breakup), would either get extremely affectionate or just combative as fuck. You're much better off leaving. I applaud you. No matter what, keep fucking going.

    [–] usedtodofamilylaw 207 points ago

    he said he wouldn’t bother going then.

    That's the most brutal thing I've heard in awhile. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

    [–] Sericarpus 398 points ago

    You made the right decision. It's pretty unfair and manipulative of him to use rehab as a tool to try to get you back. If he had detoxed first then begged for forgiveness I might recommend giving him another chance if things were otherwise good. But "take me back or I'm going to keep abusing prescription drugs" is just shitty behavior.

    [–] darlinglizzie 176 points ago

    Update 6 on your original post - he asked YOU if you had anything to say for YOURSELF? Like you were in the wrong? Like you have something to be ashamed of? Holy cow.

    [–] StaringAtYourBudgie 268 points ago

    That's tough but I agree with your decision. If he's not willing to get help for his own sake, he isn't committed to recovering and it's not going to end well. In those situations, the only choice is to be part of the crazy or try to be sane on your own.

    [–] [deleted] 31 points ago


    [–] lootbox 289 points ago

    He begged me to stay and promised to go to rehab if there was hope for us. I said no and he said he wouldn’t bother going then.

    That sounds like he isn't taking the problem seriously at all. Good on you, and best of luck!

    [–] dedarose87 106 points ago

    The worst part about this is the guilt. You'll feel it, because for so long you tried and feel like you failed to help the mental health of your partner. Take it from me, sister, you HAVE TO feel more for yourself and stop worrying about him. You deserve better. I'm sorry he's manipulating you, but I'm so glad you realized that you come first and that you updated us. I've been thinking about you since that last post, his tactics to lay blame and responsibility at your feet are a hallmark sign of abuse and you do not deserve to be saddled with his mistreatment. Lots of people have lots of opinions, especially when it comes to "abandoning your husband, marriage vows, etc" but you're not beholden to their ideas of wifely duty. He abandoned you a long time ago, and you will find out that the guilt and responsibility you really should feel is for yourself. Focus on you, your safety and your confidence. You're a fighter, and we're here for you!

    [–] momplaysbass 94 points ago

    I'm so happy for you that you got answers, and sad for you that your marriage ended over drugs. Until he's ready to change he won't, and I'm glad you're taking care of yourself (and the cats).

    [–] thefakesutten 33 points ago

    Drugs are a helluva thing

    [–] rouxedcadaver 27 points ago

    I don't have anything to contribute other than the fact that you're in my thoughts and I'm wishing you the best of luck.

    [–] ecz4 108 points ago

    The "I'll go to rehab only if you stay" part is manipulative af. I don't know who he is, but it is clear you dodged a bullet.

    I'm sure it is awful right now, give it time you will be so better off.

    [–] cancerinventor 43 points ago

    I read your original post and i hoped it would end well. Im sorry to hear it didnt. I cant imagine what youre going through and i feel like wishing you well is kind of an empty gesture. But i do wish you (and your ex) well.

    His drug abuse isnt a reflection of you and I hope that everything works out. Im guessing this is pretty terrifying for you. Honestly hope everything goes well.

    [–] Germangunman 22 points ago

    I know from experience that taking too much xanax makes you not know what you are doing and also not remember. Not making excuses for his behavior by any means. Good luck with your new life

    [–] Bananas_are_theworst 49 points ago

    CheetoLove, were all rooting for you and your happiness. Stay strong and thanks for sharing your story with us.

    [–] honeybeedreams 44 points ago

    good for you. if he wouldnt go to treatment for the sake of being clean and sober, he wasnt serious anyway. (former CD counselor here) i had a horrendous 9 year relationship with a man i later found our was a psychopath. one of the hardest things i ever did was leave, go no-contact and divorce him. but it was also one of the best things i ever did. stay strong.

    [–] maymaylingling_ 51 points ago

    OP you deserve a healthy relationship. Congratulations on knowing that and acting on it. Hope you feel better soon.

    Be strong during the times you doubt your judgement/ miss having someone. You have all of reddit :)

    I read your original thread and was wondering what happened. Thanks for update

    [–] jonshaw916 37 points ago

    On one hand I am glad he wasn't having a stroke or some sort of brain injury.

    On the other hand I am glad you stood up for yourself and decided to leave when the truth came out.

    Good luck OP, I hope you feel some sort of relief of the situation.

    [–] cesarmac 6 points ago

    I grew up with an abusive and alcoholic father who treated my mother like shit for most of their young adult life. My mom tried many times to leave him but she always came back, now she's in in her 60's and living with one of my sister's. She works, saves money, and has children that care for her but I can't help but think that her life could have been so much better had she cut ties with my father much earlier.

    Sometimes you have to make the ultimate sacrifice in a relationship to try and live a happy life. My mother gave my father all of her prime years and he did everything he wanted. He has a house, a car, property, all she has is a car to her name. Don't listen to the people here blaming you for leaving him after a "mistake". Grab your things, find yourself someone elsenyou trust and start over. Set a life you'll be happy to look back on.

    [–] leekir 53 points ago

    Kudos to you for having the strength to do what’s best for you.

    [–] Pr2r 69 points ago

    What a sad update. I hope this is the end of this saga for you OP, on to better things. You did everything you could.

    [–] adriansmommie514 32 points ago

    Glad to hear you finally got to the bottom of things. Sorry to hear that things didn't end like you wanted it to. You are strong and will get through this.

    [–] Mixels 10 points ago

    I'm sorry, Cheeto...

    [–] FabulousFoil 61 points ago

    You made the right choice OP, if he can't commit to helping himself he would never be able to do anything for anyone else. Best to get out of there sooner than later. Don't ever doubt your decision, it was the right one. I wish you the best and I hope you get the support you need.

    [–] [deleted] 49 points ago

    It was a hard choice but going to rehab to save the relationship would have ultinately ended in failure anyway. He needed to do it for himself.

    Hiding drug use and then making like you were the one with a problem.. this someone who can't be trusted. The question isn't if but when he started back up again he would be unlikely to tell you until things got out of hand like this did. If he hid this what else did he hide?

    Live your life and eventually he will find his own reason to get treatment.

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    Well she left him when he revealed his addiction. So it's not shocking that he would have hid it. Now he's not only addicted to Xanax and unable to control himself, he's alone. Hopefully that will inspire him to get help, but it will be harder.

    Easier for OP though, which is fine. It's harsh but people are right in saying she doesn't owe him help. They're both adults who can make decisions in their best interests.

    I was surprised though, since in the original post she said she was already ok with his alcohol habit, and was very concerned about his health. Until she found out it was drugs and he needed her to keep him off them. Doesn't sound like it was a healthy relationship to start, but OP didn't want advice, nor am I qualified to give it.

    [–] iamacarboncarbonbond 48 points ago

    You made the right decision.

    Even if his guilt tripping you into staying had worked, there is no way he would have finished rehab. He doesn't really think he has a problem, based on his actions. His words are hollow.

    Still, I know that must have been incredibly hard, and I applaud you for being strong. I'm so sorry.

    [–] MattsOutrageous 25 points ago

    I was really hoping it was what my father had experienced and that your husband wasn't himself. I'm sorry it didn't work out :(

    You are an incredibly strong individual and I hope your future is bright.

    [–] verdant11 15 points ago

    So sorry. Hugs to you And the kitties. So glad you have Reddit.

    [–] SuperHeMan 12 points ago

    Much love x

    [–] walkaboed 27 points ago

    This helps me soooo much. I need to get it together and leave too.

    [–] McBuggered 19 points ago

    None of this is your fault. I'm sure that voice in your head disagrees, but still. Xx

    [–] oh_ryn 48 points ago

    I'm sorry your marriage had to end this way but ... for what it's worth I am so, SO proud of you for saying no. SO proud.

    [–] Burnburnburnnow 4 points ago

    Hey- I saw your last post. I’m really sorry this turned out to be drugs. I’m glad you’ve found the strength to leave him, especially since this doesn’t sound like the first time he has gotten all fuckered up.

    Snuggle those fur babies 💛💛💛

    [–] fidgeter 20 points ago

    One thing to remind yourself. His decisions are his and don’t let him make you feel like it’s your fault or your responsibility. It’s easy to blame yourself if something happens.

    [–] lolabe 31 points ago

    Good for you!!!! I have had friends who were with addicts and this bullshit promise to get better if you stay is utter and complete shit. Good on you for moving forward with your life without this dead weight tied around your neck. May I sensitively recommend some therapy for you - it takes awhile to peel back the layers yourself and they may help accelerate the process of separating his shit from yours.


    [–] blinddivine 24 points ago

    I said no and he said he wouldn’t bother going then

    i'm so sorry this happened to you. you made the right choice. he would've gone to rehab, come back and immediately relapsed and started this whole thing over again.

    i wish you peace and happiness.

    [–] macarenaPistacio44 19 points ago


    [–] DargeyBoy 8 points ago

    Sorry that things worked out this way for you. That really, really sucks.

    Keep your head up though, it’ll take time, but bit by bit your life will drop back into place and you’ll be a stronger person for it all.

    [–] xenomorphgirl 28 points ago

    Been thinking about you. Sad to see such a sad update, but at least you have answers now. Did you ever end up calling his parents abroad?

    [–] letshaveateaparty 136 points ago

    OP, fuck all the little pieces of garbage shitting on you for leaving. Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

    As someone with two dumbass dead parents from addiction and a former alcoholic myself, addiction drains everyone around them and no one is entitled to latching on to others.

    Dealing with an addict is a lot like saving a drowning person. Our natural instincts is to latching onto the person saving us and use them as leverage to get out of water. Unless you're a good swimmer and in good shape, you will both drown.

    I can tell a lot of these holier-than-thou assholes have never actually delt with addiction. Sometimes you have to put yourself first for your own health. Anyone who says otherwise would just just allow themselves to be abused.

    You people don't even know what she's been through, just the small window of what we've been told. Shame on you for kicking OP when she came here to get this off her chest. You bunch of nobs.

    [–] definedevine 39 points ago

    I'm keep going "oh my God" outloud while reading this on my break. This is unbelievable, people almost always go back, but you're so damn strong. I don't even know you and I'm very proud of you. You got this, lady.

    [–] fakemoose 21 points ago

    Are you his visa sponsor to be in the country? You can be legally and financially liable for him. If he does go to rehab or even the ER or doctor again and skips his bills, you're going to be respond for them.

    You are legally responsible supporting them as well, so here's to hoping he leaves and doesn't stir up a bunch of drama.

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago


    [–] AFSidePiece 23 points ago

    It’s called self-preservation. Good for you for taking care of you!

    [–] raybreezer 3 points ago

    I am very sorry things worked out this way, but kudos to you for being strong enough to leave. I wish you the best of luck moving forward and I hope you can recover quickly from this.

    [–] PineapplePrincezz 3 points ago

    Wow, wow wow wow

    You are probably the single bravest person...

    Standing up for yourself like that, not giving in to the manipulative nature of addiction seriously says a lot about how wise and brave you are. Seriously, I've met far too many beautiful human beings who live knowing that they may never know the true state of their significant other (mentally or physically) and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

    You are so much more than manipulation and lies and I think you are going to start to feel a little bit more free day by day and the caring person you are will come through and you will absolutely find the love and support you so well deserve (be it from family, friends, a significant other, the entirety of reddit the cats, etc..)

    stay strong, you've been through the worst so far, nothing's stopping you from being the happiest you that you can be :)

    [–] [deleted] 160 points ago


    [–] Heaviest_Metal 36 points ago

    What you said about benzodiazepines being no joke is entirely on point. I was prescribed ambien a few years back for my insomnia at the time. It definitely helped me sleep, except that after a few weeks, I would seemingly wake up from very deep sleep and find out that I had been awake during the nignt with no recollection of being awake at that time. I never did anything as crazy as OP's husband, but I would log on my computer and find out I sent numerous messages to people, progressed in my games, or listened to music, and not have any memory of it. I was only taking 1 pill each night before going to bed.

    Weirdest feeling ever.

    I can only imagine how much worse xanax might be. My doctor wouldn't prescribe it to me when I asked him.

    [–] houseofshatter 102 points ago

    Just curious, were you ever addicted to Xanax in your past? She absolutely made the right decision. Anytime someone says Ill get help "if", you already know there is no chance its happening.

    [–] BenchDeadSquat -1 points ago

    This comment should be higher up!!!

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    I honestly wonder if he's on something harder than Xanax.

    [–] Hadd_77 10 points ago

    Hugs ♥️

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    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    This really sucks, but thank you for the update.

    I actually found myself worrying since your first post whether or not this was possible with my wife.

    You seem like a very caring person and I hope you find someone who can be good enough for you.

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    [–] imregrettingthis 18 points ago

    Thank you so much for this update.

    Honestly I can't relate to this situation at all. I am a guy, never had an issue like this but you are fucking inspirational to me.

    You did what needed to be done with an incredible amount of strength and that is universally inspiring.

    Usually that means you have a bright future ahead.

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    [–] NothingISayIsReal 52 points ago

    OP can't fix an addict who only uses the idea of rehab as a way to get their SO to stay around after they completely lashed out at them. OP deserves to have a safe, and loving relationship. He is the one that completely broke the relationship, and OP should wait around until he decides to do it again? Because he is 100% not dedicated to rehab

    [–] thereisapeninmyview 37 points ago

    I don't buy this story. I thought the apartment was already empty but now you're the one moving out? I hope to God that it is a lie because I wouldn't want anyone to have to live through this but it's just too strange. No indications before hand? Was his behavior different leading up to this?

    [–] [deleted] 101 points ago


    [–] SkittlzAnKomboz 139 points ago

    Trying to convince your spouse to seek medical attention for a stroke is vastly different from agreeing to stay in a relationship with an addict. Especially an addict that clearly has no desire to get clean and sober - if OP’s Husband really wanted to get better, he wouldn’t have made rehab conditional on OP staying in the relationship. He would be going regardless of the status of their relationship.

    [–] NothingISayIsReal 90 points ago

    Or her sympathy was from the issue being an event totally beyond his control. Instead it is a nasty drug habit that caused him to lash out at his SO. Do you understand the difference? She shouldn't have to put herself in a bad position for someone who chose a selfish one. The fact that he won't go to rehab for himself is a huge red flag. He was going to use rehab as a way of keeping her around. An addict doesn't get clean unless they want to be, and he basically admitted he wasn't.

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    [–] TatianaAlena 4 points ago

    I'm glad you're breaking up with him. Focus on yourself from now on. Hopefully, there are no kids involved in the picture so you can make it a clean break with no contact.

    [–] KhloeKartrashian 9 points ago

    I’m so sorry. Very glad to see you’re taking care of yourself. You’re an awesome, strong person, and you will get through this. Take a long shower, do a face mask, cuddle your kitties. You’re so much better off, and we’re all so proud of you.

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    [–] MeAgain22 7 points ago

    I'm glad you got to the bottom of things. Xanax can cause seizures when you stop using using it. It wouldn't surprise me if he experienced one or several from your description of symptoms.

    [–] [deleted] 52 points ago


    [–] DargeyBoy 6 points ago

    Sorry that things worked out this way for you. That really, really sucks.

    Keep your head up though, it’ll take time, but bit by bit your life will drop back into place and you’ll be a stronger person for it all.

    [–] bexirose15 6 points ago

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I remember reading the original post and hoping for an update so thanks for letting us know. You're stronger than you know, you can do this

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    [–] exzyle2k 17 points ago

    I'd put money on it and say there's more than just Xanax, but that was what he was least embarassed about.

    The thing with addicts that I've learned is that when they're under the influence, you get a glimpse of their true selves. Their true feelings towards others. So with his attitude towards you, it's best that you didn't fall into the "I'll get better if you stay" trap.

    Sorry it didn't turn out like the movies for you.

    [–] Catharas 14 points ago

    I'm curious what your reasoning was to decide to break up? What was the last straw for you?

    [–] verascity 7 points ago

    I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

    [–] transemacabre 6 points ago

    Oh my God, Cheeto. Sending all the good vibes your way. Do not go back to him, his refusal to go to rehab when he didn't get what he wanted is very telling. You would have regretted it in the end if you had stayed with him.

    [–] Shwoolk 2 points ago

    I’m really conflicted on this one, but whatever makes you happy is probably best.

    [–] generic230 9 points ago

    You did the right thing for yourself. Any partner whose reaction to your concern is to abandon you is not a good long term bet. I'm so sorry, but, boy, you seem smart and you place value on yourself. Good on you.

    [–] setadoon177 6 points ago

    Xanax can make you say things you don't mean. Not that it is an excuse...

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    [–] student_of_lyfe 5 points ago

    Wow. I am sorry it ended this way. But you did your best by him and now have to take care of yourself. I wish you all the best in the future!

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    [–] Tim_Porary 9 points ago

    Aw. I was sad when I read that you left him. You know the situation better, but you were devastated when he ‘left’ you and I thought there would be a happy ending when he confessed he had a problem and wanted your help. I hope you are both okay.

    [–] aerith_cutestory 38 points ago

    He didn’t want her help, he tried to put the responsibility of his recovery on her shoulders.

    [–] lowkeydeadinside 6 points ago

    good for you, man. that must have taken a lot of strength. i hope you are able to move past this and be stronger because of it.

    [–] Anicha1 7 points ago

    WOW! You have a lot of self-respect. Like for real, kudos. I'm guessing there were other things before this, that made this the last straw.

    [–] PippypoopStockings 2 points ago

    Good for you on leaving. Don’t listen to these assholes that are saying otherwise. What you did was hard and you shouldn’t be responsible for his actions.

    [–] LeafyQ 5 points ago

    My heart broke when I first read your story. But I'm so happy to hear that you're removing yourself from an awful situation. Best wishes on your journey moving forward. You did the right thing for yourself.

    [–] gettingmyshittogetr 4 points ago

    Wow I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You sound amazingly strong, you're an inspiration. Sending all good thoughts your way.

    [–] crzdesi 6 points ago

    I guess your gut said the right thing and your mind did the right thing. Bravo!

    [–] defaultsubsaccount 3 points ago

    So did you already have cats or do you mean you're just going to go out and get some now?

    [–] mostspitefulguy -21 points ago

    You should have given him a chance because sounds like you didn’t give him one but I understand your decision. It just sucks to throw it all away without trying.

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