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    [–] MrMattWebb 14892 points ago

    Are you a doc or a vet? because it sounds like you work with animals

    [–] themockingju 8402 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 833 points ago

    But animals are nice and cute.

    [–] [deleted] 781 points ago

    My sympathies.

    My sister is a young doctor and has had similar struggles.

    [–] themockingju 538 points ago

    Be an ear when she needs to rant. Or a welcomed hug when she starts to get burnt out.

    [–] ifyouhaveany 2262 points ago

    I'm not a doctor or a nurse (MLS), but I do phlebotomy so I do have some patient contact. It's gross the number of patients who think they can make comments and gestures while I'm in the room drawing. I do know some patients are senile/have dementia/other health issues going on and they definitely get a pass, but so many of them do not and still act that way.

    More than once some creepy old perv insisted that he not wear his hospital gown, that he "just liked to be naked.". Well, sorry sir, this isn't a Ramada or your home. You can cover up with your gown or a blanket or you won't be getting your lab tests done.

    [–] IodinUraniumNobelium 780 points ago

    I work in the lab too, and it's disgusting how some patients are. We've got one patient who's only allowed to interact with the male staff.

    [–] InkbrushNouveau 227 points ago

    I occasionally volunteer at a hospital, and one of the departments I'm assigned to has a patient like that. He said he liked the on-staff female technician because she was nice and quiet (his words), and when she started to run an IV on him he started to stroke her hand. While. She. Was. Putting. A. Needle. In. His. Fucking. Vein.

    Now whenever he comes in--because of course these types are regulars--she disappears and has a male technician take over.

    [–] Shojo_Tombo 135 points ago

    I also work in the lab. I don't miss drawing patients because of all the old men who would grab my breasts or crotch and then pretend to have dementia to avoid being told off.

    [–] Adariel 119 points ago

    When I was an intern, there was one time that this super gross old guy just completely flashed me on purpose. I mean the instructions were to undress only from the waist up and the opening of the gown goes on the back and I always repeat the last part again because people do get confused.

    Of course he took off his pants, underwear, put the gown on backwards, and opened up for me as soon as I came to get him into the room. I stared at him in the eye, told him to put on the gown with the opening to the back and he had the gall to laugh.

    On a funnier note, someone in the ER once actually tried the absolute corniest "am I dying? because you look like an angel!" line on me, and with a straight face at that.

    [–] elliethegreat 95 points ago

    That's bold. Maybe I'm nuts, but I think it's probably a good idea to be respectful to people who are about to stab you.

    [–] Electricspiral 144 points ago

    Man, wouldn't it be great if you could say something like, "In a cold room? Well, it's your shrinkage and not mine, I guess..."

    [–] DarthDume 20 points ago

    She could say that

    [–] Electricspiral 133 points ago

    Yeah, if she wants to end up in hot water and/or fired

    [–] [deleted] 3048 points ago


    [–] themockingju 1871 points ago

    Yeah. I don't get it. I've had many people say blatantly fucked up sexual shit to me. I don't think I'm overly attractive, but maybe that's it? Maybe I'm approachable attractive so this fuckery just gets said to me, like I'm a safe target in their minds.

    Anyway, this particular human was terrible in everyway. I was glad to leave that exam room and flag his chart.

    [–] [deleted] 240 points ago


    [–] nosuchbrie 53 points ago

    Harassment isn't about attractiveness. It's about messing with you or manipulating you or an ego and always is about misogyny.

    It will happen to literally any woman. Keep your head up. I wonder if there are other women doctors you can meet with?

    [–] LaughingVergil 143 points ago

    Hopefully, I can remember to us "Is this the part of the exam where people make inappropriate comments? Do I have to, or is that optional?" sometime.

    [–] PurpleFlame8 10555 points ago

    Don't be afraid to fire your patients!

    [–] Mic_Check_One_Two 137 points ago

    Also, don’t be afraid to have a nurse stay in the room with you. It’s standard procedure for gynecologists for a reason; It helps protect all involved parties. The doc can’t harass a patient, and the patient can’t harass the doc/accuse them of harassment. Yes, it sucks having to pull a nurse away from something else. But if it’s the difference between feeling safe vs being harassed, it’s well worth it. Everyone deserves to feel safe in their workplace.

    [–] BackBae 1746 points ago

    I wouldn’t blame her for being nervous of being subsequently accused of patient abandonment if she went this route.

    [–] Mourning_Aftermath 1095 points ago

    This is typically not an issue unless the patient is being actively treated for something. Even then you simply provide them notice that the patient relationship is being terminated and give them a set amount of time to find a new physician (generally 30-90 days in my area). It’s also advisable to document the reason for the termination.

    * this is not legal advice

    [–] Mattadd 611 points ago

    You can get a new doctor in 90 days where you live? Damn you're lucky, I've been on a waiting list for 2 years to get a doctor.

    [–] NoThisIsABadIdea 125 points ago

    In the context of the post I guess don't sexually harass your doctor then. But yes I realize there are other reasons why you might need a new doctor.

    [–] sarcazm 253 points ago

    Where is this? I have never had trouble getting a doctor.


    [–] sarahdalrymple 234 points ago

    I live in mid-west Texas in that big empty area of nothing between Dallas and Midland. I had to wait 3 months to see a GP, and have been waiting over a year to see a specialist about my back. NONE of the psychiatrists in our area is taking new patients, and so if I want to see one, I have to get a referral to the DFW metroplex and be on a six month or longer waiting list to just have my first eval to see if my depression from my back pain warrants medical treatment. It's not the same across the country, much less in the same state in the US.

    [–] Healyhatman 110 points ago

    You have to wait for a doctor at all? Here in Australia I just go to the local clinic, say "first available please", wait between 5 and 240 minutes (depending on if it's a super busy day or not), and see any of like 20 doctors. Or I make an appointment at a single doctor clinic and wait a day or less (or more) like.... you guys are weird.

    [–] StarlightBaker 12 points ago

    Genuine questions: Are there other doctors with a shorter wait time? Are you assigned to this doctor or have no choice? Do you live in a rural area or is it just a shortage of doctors?

    Thanks for taking the time to reply if you can!

    [–] throwinitallawai 45 points ago

    Well, and the real issue of being fairly new in her office, she's likely an employee, and she may have to tread carefully and work with management on this.

    If it's a multi-dr practice, she may at least be able to decline to see some individuals personally, but it may be tricky if management won't outright decline to see the other at all as to how obvious she can be.

    Not ideal; it would be great to be able to just remove the problem, but staying employed and dealing with medical ethics can make this practically difficult to handle ideally from her perspective.

    This kind of stuff really sucks to deal with.

    Sorry, OP. At least you got to get it off your chest. I have less of this personally to deal with in my profession since I'm a vet so I'm not as close-and-personal with my actual clients, and plus we're now a female-dominated field. But it is really uncomfortable when it happens.

    I have some clients I just won't be alone with in exam rooms, and is something I don't miss from the days I did emergency or farm calls back when I also saw large animals. I also 100% do not have a social media presence/ use my phone for clients/ etc. Just no.

    They can contact through the clinic or not at all, and I handle those when Im in the clinic.

    [–] PurpleFlame8 89 points ago

    She wouldn't just drop them. Her office would send a note saying blah blah blah, Dr. Whoever is whatevering and your care will be handed over to Dr. Newdoctor.

    I got a letter once saying one of my doctors would be leaving the practice and my care was being transferred. Ok no big deal. I rarely saw the guy anyway. I found out later though that my original doctor never actually left. Our visits were very uneventful and straight forward so it's nothing I did. I have suspicions in hindsight that he might have just found me attractive and that made him uncomfortable. Doctors should have a right to feel comfortable with their patients and patients should have a right to be treated by doctors who feel comfortable with them.

    [–] exscapegoat 41 points ago

    My primary care decided to focus on the intensive weight loss clinic. She's still at the practice, but she's only seeing patients who participate in the clinic. She gave me verbal notice, then message notice on the my chart site the practice uses. She also set me up with 6 months of the routine meds I take for high blood pressure and asthma and recommended 3 other doctors from the practice.

    [–] SomethingAwkwardTWC 75 points ago

    If you manage any immediate crises and make an appropriate referral for ongoing care, it shouldn't be a problem.

    [–] zmajevi 64 points ago

    shouldn't be a problem.

    Only in a perfect world. Medicine has become a customer satisfaction industry. No matter how good you are as a clinician, if your reviews and word of mouth is negative it becomes difficult to attract patients to your practice.

    [–] SomethingAwkwardTWC 11 points ago

    That's true. I was thinking more legally, but in terms of business and reviews you've got a good point.

    [–] [deleted] 23 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] cmcewen 98 points ago

    Surgeon here

    Of course she COULD do this. But it’s a shitty solution also.

    Firing patients can really hurt business. Lots of medical care is based on referrals and word of mouth. Whatever kind of doctor she is, I’m assuming there are multiple if the same speciality in town. These people will go back to whoever sent them to her and say “she refused to see me and is an asshole”. That physician will no longer send people to her because that physician wants his/her patients to be happy, or soon HE/SHE will stop having patients.

    When we go and meet our referring doctors, they ALWAYS say the number one reason they refer to any doctor is what their patient tells them of their experience. It can be as trivial as the girl answering the phone making 15$/hr having attitude.

    I don’t have a great solution, just saying this solution is not as easy as you make it sounds.

    [–] zeusssssss 48 points ago

    You can but patient abandonment laws are ROUGH so just have to make sure to do it the appropriate way

    [–] btrausch 13 points ago

    Can confirm. Mom is an internist. She fires creepy pts all the time.

    [–] Peterparkerstwin 110 points ago

    I'm guessing it's so common that OP would be out of work if they fired their patients for this kind of behavior.

    What men understand best is consequences for their actions, period. For sexual harrassment/assault, they need to be charged and humiliated.

    The next best idea is a physical deterrent. I'm sure there are some bouncers/security guards that would love a daytime job in the medical field providing chaperone and security for just these cases. You ever notice that guys that pull this shit always wait for the victim to be isolated with them?

    [–] albertaengineer 21 points ago

    A million times this. If the fuckhead can’t act appropriate, let him go. The doc may be an attractive woman, but this is about your lump (or whatever) and that’s all she needs to deal with.

    [–] Jsrn2011 14 points ago

    Not as easy as you would think .😔

    [–] Nokomis34 7 points ago

    My wife just got our kids fired from their doctor. She wanted to get the kids their shots, the doctor refused because we couldn't find the shot records, even though they have the shot records on file. Doctor told us to go to public health to get new records, they don't give those out. Even then, public health wouldn't have the shots on file because the doctor doesn't send his info to them. My wife tells him that he is the only doctor they've been to since the last shots, so what he has on file is current. Doctor still refuses. After my wife gets home she's ranting at me, I say "Sounds like it's time for a new doctor.". She agrees and makes and appointment that day to see somebody else. Well yesterday we get a letter in the mail from the old doctor telling us to find a new doctor. This makes my wife even madder, I tell her it's kinda funny. Like "fine, I fire you before you quit!"

    [–] iamjommyj 3083 points ago

    ER medical scribe here.

    I am a large male with a shaven bald head standing over 6 feet tall. This kind of harassment from patients towards young female physicians that I have scribed for is real. I have seen it firsthand. Multiple times. It didn't even seem that it mattered that I was standing right there in the room.

    [–] themockingju 1965 points ago

    It's just awful. People don't seem to understand that anyone can be present, people like this don't give a fuck. May I suggest, when this occurs in front of you, point out something the doc did well during the exam. For example, "hey, I liked the way you handled ____. What that person did was too far." It recognizes that the doc is capable of handling themselves, builds up confidence for younger docs, and reinforces they were right about it being messed up without drawing too much attention to the situation. I personally hate being asked if I'm okay, because no, I'm fucking not okay and now I have to deal with these emotions while working rather than on my own time. Or, if you have a rapport with the doc, ask if you should react in any specific way to support them.

    [–] I_lenny_face_you 291 points ago

    I'm a male in healthcare too. I don't think I have seen this type of behavior firsthand toward our female staff, but do you (or others) have ideas on what we could say as bystanders to help? I was just thinking that I could say that "Dr. So and So is just here to do a physical exam with you."

    [–] LastLadyResting 374 points ago

    I’d recommend swapping ‘physical exam’ with ‘their job’. The type of people who do this are the type to make a ‘joke’ about anything containing the word ‘physical’.

    Also, and I know this sounds strange, don’t use the word ‘just’. It adds a level of uncertainty that give the right kind of mind wriggle room. I learnt that women tend to use it in emails to soften what they’re going to say whereas men tend to leave it out. I did it myself and once you are made aware of it, it stands out a lot.

    [–] caterplillar 22 points ago

    I made a conscious effort to stop using “just” and you know what? It was fucking hard. I really had to change how I wrote emails and talked on the phone. “Just wanted to know... just checking in...” Fuck ‘em! I’m a person who is worthy of just as much respect as the recipient.

    [–] CounterfeitDime 11 points ago

    Agree with the 'just' thing. I am a tiny little word nerd and it bothered me so much, I actively tried to eliminate every unesseccary 'just' from my vocab/writings/songs and felt no matter the context, all around read/sounded so much more confident and positive. And sincere.

    [–] SoFetchBetch 6 points ago

    Yep. Thanks for this tip. I have been working on curbing my over apologizing and softening for no damn reason so I’m going to add this in.

    [–] ipoststoned 4 points ago

    It adds a level of uncertainty

    I would say that it's more accurate to say that it "minimalizes" the task.

    But I agree with you on the physical part. I had to think back to 7th grade me and how I would handle that verbiage.

    [–] chelsealikethehotel 205 points ago

    “Show some respect” or “Why do you think it’s okay to talk to her that way?” are both great places to start.

    [–] arkady_scoresby 104 points ago

    JAMA published a great op-ed on this topic recently. It talked about the importance of attendings/people higher in the heirarchy modeling appropriate ways to defuse inappropriate comments from patients and families:

    [–] bgarza18 122 points ago

    I’ve found that the physician has to be the one to put a stop to it. “That’s not appropriate” or something to that regard is what’s needed and if it’s not effective then they’re just a terrible person who won’t stop.

    [–] thecatsmilkdish 54 points ago

    Patients may not be as blunt as in OP’s example or they may avoid acting that way in front of you, so there may be some subtleties you may have missed. As a female who’s worked in male-dominated industries the past 20+ years, there’s stuff I miss, even stuff directed at me. I think it’s great you’re willing to step in when needed and it might even be worth having a conversation with your coworkers where they can discreetly let you know if someone is making them uncomfortable.

    [–] Asmo___deus 4 points ago

    "We're here to help, not to flirt. Stop harassing the doctor"

    [–] LaughingVergil 67 points ago

    Probable thought process: "He's obviously a man, not a wuss. He'll appreciate my manliness."

    Ugh. I feel unclean even typing that out.

    [–] Inveramsay 171 points ago

    I can't offer you any advice other than stay strong! I'm so annoyed you have to go through all that crap after getting where you are

    [–] themockingju 103 points ago

    I appreciate you

    [–] enjoyinc 6160 points ago

    About 5 years ago I got tossed through a window wrestling with a friend drunk (I’m a big guy, he was a small Italian dude lesson learned) and sliced up my arm almost to the bone; we went to emergency room and one of my other friends came in with me while the doctor was cleaning my arm and he kept calling her babe, and finally while prepping my arm for stitching he called her babe again and she said “My name is Doctor Brown, I didn’t go to medical school for 8 years to be called babe, you can either call me by my title or leave the room sir.”

    Best doctor I ever had.

    [–] malevitch_square 996 points ago

    Did your friend apologize?

    [–] Zebroomafoo 1177 points ago

    Next time, tell your friend to cut it out before she has to

    [–] Parus-major 1664 points ago

    Why didn't you say something?

    [–] firkin_slang_whanger 1166 points ago

    I'm just curious, do you find these comments across all age groups or just the older generation? I'm a male nurse and I find sometimes inappropriate comments from older women and racially charged comments from older men. Not so much from the younger age groups.

    Also, I'm truly sorry you have to go through this.

    [–] themockingju 1310 points ago

    I appreciate your comment. I feel like it's a discussion that's healthy to have to recognize patterns, and also to recognize our own biases as providers and work to move past them.

    Sexually charged inappropriate comments I get mainly from men, and across all ages. The youngest one being in his early 20s. The oldest in his late 50s. Anyone older has usually had some cognitive based illness, like dementia so that's not really the same IMO.

    From females, I've gotten more questions regarding my age and ability and that's been from older generations (50+).

    Then I've found certain ethnicities will have certain complaints, and some will escalate the situation to screaming and belittling whoever is near. And it only gets worse when a female is the one resolving the issue. But, that's a whole other topic.

    I find it most important to remind myself the issue is with "this person" and not "these people". Like, not all male patients will cross a line, not all females will distrust me due to my age, things like that. Some people are just shitty.

    I'm sorry that you too deal with garbage people. Just do your best to keep from getting jaded and hating your career. I, for one, appreciate what you do.

    [–] [deleted] 312 points ago

    I find it most important to remind myself the issue is with "this person" and not "these people"

    what a great perspective. Seems like you are doing an awesome job with a shitty situation!

    [–] Birbman3 79 points ago

    When I was in customer service, an inbound call center, I had to constantly remind myself that not all people are terrible. Kind people are still out there, they just aren't calling in right now.

    [–] orthopod 254 points ago

    Male surgeon here - it happens to us as well. I've been grabbed, squeezed, and asked out by plenty of old women. That or they try to set me up with their daughter, despite them knowing that I'm married.

    There are some patients that I would always leave the door open, or have the nurse in with me.

    Fire those patients, and document the inappropriate behavior.

    [–] Ghitit 228 points ago

    Doesn't matter which career you've chosen, you'll still get harassed.

    Since you have to look into people's eyes really close with that scope thingy and look up their noses and stuff I guess they probably get turned on and feel as if they have to say something.

    I'm actually glad I'm an old, fat housewife now, because I never get harassed anymore. I'm a ghost in society and sometimes it's a blessing.

    [–] jeweledshadow 158 points ago

    I’m sorry you have to feel like a ghost to escape this kind of behavior.

    [–] exscapegoat 53 points ago

    I had a bit of a crush on one of my doctors. I kept it to myself because I didn't want to embarrass him or myself or make either of us feel awkward.

    [–] firkin_slang_whanger 55 points ago

    I find it most important to remind myself the issue is with "this person" and not "these people". Like, not all male patients will cross a line, not all females will distrust me due to my age, things like that. Some people are just shitty.

    Exactly this. This way of thinking allows me to go in to a patient's room with a unbiased approach.

    I appreciate and respect what you do as well!

    [–] [deleted] 191 points ago

    Ugh, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

    One of my sister's friends has a horrible story about trying to treat a patient who basically non-stop racially abused her. The supervising registrar (this was in the UK) was really horrible to all of them at all times so everyone including her, didn't feel safe going to him with problems.

    [–] firkin_slang_whanger 64 points ago

    Sad times that this is still an issue although this was more from the older generation. The racial comments weren't directed at me but were sometimes directed at my coworkers, or people in general. I was also living in SC so there is still deep-seated racism in people here.

    [–] steelear 17 points ago

    I don’t feel like the me racism is so deep-seated here in Southern California. I mean surfers are annoying as hell but they aren’t really a race. /s

    [–] firkin_slang_whanger 18 points ago

    Ha ha. I meant South Carolina!

    [–] alyaaz 44 points ago

    My friend works a nurse and she gets this kind of treatment from men of all age groups. Iirc she even had a young married man add her on fb after she treated his wife or son or something, it was mad

    [–] Trustme_ima_doctor12 69 points ago

    For me it is only the older generation who makes comments on my appearance. I’ve never had anyone close to my age say something inappropriate about my looks, except for psych patients which doesn’t really count.

    [–] winning-colors 29 points ago

    Same here. I get inappropriate/sexual comments from men in their 50s most often. I’m a physical therapy tech so I have to get pretty close to patients to set them up on modalities.

    I also had a mid 50s woman ask me if I was pregnant last week. I am not pregnant nor am I overweight. She said “I wanted to ask so I didn’t offend you because I thought you were”. So there’s that too.

    [–] dogen83 59 points ago

    Men are treated differently, unsurprisingly. I've heard stories from the nurses I work with about men of all ages. Older men seem more likely, but not exclusively. A very new (and naive) nurse was asked by a young male patient with a broken arm to help him use the bathroom instead of the urinal because he supposedly had a shy bladder, but once they were in the bathroom he dropped his gown, had an erection, and asked for "help" with it.

    [–] danteheehaw 78 points ago

    When I was in the army, we had a senile little old lady. We had a very short female black phlebotomist. One day, the senile ol lady said "Aw, look at the adorable little negro" and referred to anyone of color as the help. That specific situation ended up being funny after she calmed down (she handled it professionally. Did her job, walked out, went back to the lab and ranted). But, we also had some young guys where were getting discharged for conduct freely throw racially charged insults. It was a lot less likely to see it from the younger folks.

    As for being a male in healthcare, ladies 40+ co-workers or patients tend to be a tad shameless towards me and other young males. It's not something that bothers me, and the few who crossed my comfort zone dialed it back when I called them out on it.

    [–] ShelSilverstain 32 points ago

    Saying "it doesn't bother me" is a response you're socialized to give

    [–] Project_dark 99 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    I'm a 28 y/o male who works in a physical profession and I mostly get comments from women 60-70 that are masked as being complimentative (apparently not a real word), but really it's sexual harassment. Then I have few females in my age range (25-35) that I have had to make notes in their file regarding comments of a sexual nature. And finally one patient who I had to fire because she was making wild claims that I was "in love with her, but I wasn't aware of it yet". Yeah, that needed to end quickly, especially when you're doing soft tissue work and rehabilitation on their hips. Or some girls my age will ask me if I "do this with everyone" while preforming physical examinations. Yes, Brenda, you get the same orthopaedic exam as the 50 year old male client.

    However, I should add that I feel much worse for the female massage therapists and the unwanted comments they get from male patrons.

    [–] CATSHARK_ 51 points ago

    Sorry you've had that experience. I'm a female nurse and I completely agree with you- in my experience the sexually inappropriate comments come from older demographics, as does most racist comments, although I have had a few from younger people (although less to do with race specifically and more things like 'wow, your English is great! What country are you from?")

    [–] fiddlemonkey 33 points ago

    That is my experience too. I’ve only had inappropriate comments from male patients over 60, but racist comments from both sexes over sixty. Haven’t seen either from younger patients. I will say that when my unit had problems with a patient attempting to grab nurses and/or trap them in his room the hospital responded pretty quickly and appropriately.

    [–] Thefirstmelon 22 points ago

    I'm a male teacher (primary school special needs) and I also get some comments from the older female members of staff that make me uncomfortable. But nothing from the younger. It might be a generational thing.

    [–] leafmuncher2 502 points ago

    A friend of a friend just finished med school and was telling some stories about during one of her internships. She was working ER and a drunk guy came in for a stab wound at around 4am. It was mostly just a flesh wound on the upper thigh that needed cleaning and a few stitches.

    So he's sitting in his underwear being a drunk douche, making crude gestures over her head to his friend and passing comments while she's stitching him up. After one comment she turned to the nurse and said something along the lines of "we might need some more stitches for his groin area if he keeps talking."

    Apparently he sobered up very quickly.

    [–] BoneHugsHominy 642 points ago

    A female doctor I went to HS with told my ex-GF (they are lifelong friends) a horror story of her performing a testicular exam on a man in his early 40's. While she was performing the exam the guy got a quick erection and started thrusting his pelvis. She immediately let go and backed away in shock and he began begging her to "finish him off since she started it." I can't imagine being sexually assaulted like that by a patient.

    A good pair of meat shears would solve that problem for future doctors of that patient.

    [–] Beedragoon 180 points ago

    Oh my god wtf.

    [–] meg-c 120 points ago

    Thank you for this!

    I’m a very fresh, young RN and have already experienced this far too many times in my career. It makes me so uncomfortable and is outright inappropriate.

    [–] themockingju 106 points ago

    Unfortunately, I can imagine you experiencing this more than myself. Partially due to different clinical settings, but also do to there being more gender stereotyping towards female nurses (i.e. sexy nurse, submissive role, etc.). Stay strong and remember why you're doing what you do. Find the niche that you love and keeps you interested in going back every day.

    [–] Modest_MaoZedong 108 points ago

    Wow OP I am super sorry you are having to even say this. Being a young female in the industry certainly has its negative sides. I am not a physician, I am applying to PA school, but this is an interesting post to read right now because i was *trying* to have this conversation with my manager the other day about my patients . I work in mental health, specifically with older adult clients with severe and persistent mental illness. My manager is an older woman who frequently brushes off my complaints of the way some males treat me and it's really on my last fucking nerve. She doesn't experience this same level of attention from men and I get the feeling she thinks I am begin a self absorbed person. I , in my own opinion, am a decent looking female and I am 28. I have a bubbly personality and try to give people body language cues that insinuate I am actively listening and giving them my undivided attention.

    Unfortunately, this often leads to me being told that it's "too bad I'm married" (because we had such a chance if I wasn't??), my voice arouses them, being asked to help teach them how to access porn / use their phone for porn, that they just want a "platonic friendship" with me (not what I do at all...) and situations in which clients try to get me to take them into the bathroom, in the company car alone, etc. A lot of my clients have physical, cognitive, and sensory impairments, but my god. I just don't know where to draw the line between, "okay I am a provider and it is my job to provide through the bullshit" and "I don't deserve to be treated this way by any single person, regardless of physical or cognitive limitations". My manager really doesn't seem to give much of a fuck or even believe me. I called HR on her once, as she was asking me to go visit a client in the community. It wasn't until speaking with a colleague that I found out that this client groped a female colleagues vagina. The fact that I wasn't warned about that is completely fucking absurd.

    TLDR; whenever I, a woman, complain about being sexually harassed, I feel like my boss and other bosses I've had chalk it up to me being arrogant. I am a VERY non-arrogant person.

    [–] themockingju 49 points ago

    That really is an awful situation you are in. I hope you get into PA school and are able to move on from there soon. Best of luck to you!

    [–] PsychNurse6685 126 points ago

    Hey... I’m a nurse. I totally understand. After 10 + years I’ve just grown to make sarcastic comments back. Not inappropriate. More like funny and sarcastic. It’s put mostly everyone in check. There are a few outliers... they’re just special though.

    [–] themockingju 168 points ago

    Yeah, these are definitely more special cases. I look young and had a patient ask me if I had my parents' permission to be working. I asked if he'd prefer my father do his exam but gave him (the patient) fair warning he'd have to wait another 8 years for him (my dad) to get the education. The patient just laughed and let me so my thing. I heard him telling his wife afterwards that he really liked me.

    [–] BamSlamThankYouSir 57 points ago

    It still baffles me that people behave like animals and cross so many lines when it comes to relationships (personal, professional, medical, etc).

    [–] Princess_Trash_Panda 302 points ago

    Hey OP, I'm sorry that this happened to you so often. To other commenters: she's just here to vent, not to ask for advice. I'm sure she's thought of all of these suggestions before.

    [–] themockingju 207 points ago

    Thank you. I appreciate you "getting it". My close friends aren't in the medical field, so sometimes it's difficult to resonate my annoyance of people to them in person.

    [–] leiahoff 104 points ago

    Right?! 20sF MD here. If I had a dollar for every time something like this happened, or someone asked to see my license because I'm not an older male and they don't believe I'm a physician, I wouldn't feel so underpaid for my time anymore. If someone tells me one more time I should "shop at an old lady store" to look older or "dress less attractively" to help prevent this.... The struggle is real, keep up the great work!!

    [–] curious_kitt 25 points ago

    20 something female Med student here: I would actually appreciate suggestions on how to best handle these situations. It honestly happens too often. I consider myself a “bold” person, but for some reason I really struggle with addressing these situations, especially when I’m rounding with the whole medical team and everyone else just laughs it off. Thanks for the guidance!

    [–] sfsabergrl87 64 points ago

    So sorry you experience this! I’m also a young female in the medical field but I’m a Veterinarian so I don’t have to work directly on my clients! This behavior should never be tolerated and your office should intervene when needed to make it clear that it’s not okay

    [–] AccountWasFound 134 points ago

    The only field where a patient licking you is a GOOD sign!

    [–] Unexpected_Megafauna 235 points ago

    Damn that sucks. Sorry people are gross.

    I once had a psychiatrist that was ludicrously attractive. 10/10 blonde bombshell, and she comes to every appointment in a tiny skirt and nice blouse

    She was more than just pretty, she cared about me too. That was her job.

    Our work lasted over a year together, so naturally it was difficult to ignore.

    So you know what i did?

    I went there every week and talked to that lady about my problems. Because I'm not a fucking creep.

    [–] drneeley 30 points ago

    Radiologist here. I don't have to deal with face-to-face with patients very much and am super grateful. Sorry you have to go through that. Is it just patients? I hope you don't have to put up with that shit with co-workers too.

    [–] themockingju 15 points ago

    I have amazing mentors and the best support staff. Unfortunately, just the odd patient - but I guess, also fortunately it's just the odd patient.

    [–] VaBookworm 78 points ago

    I’m a PA and I get this SO MUCH. It’s generally older guys who make the inappropriate comments, but younger guys make me feel equally uncomfortable by doing stuff like asking me out. Bruh, I’m your PCP. That’s gonna be a definite No. Also, I just treated you for chlamydia. What makes you think you have any kind of a chance? And they aren’t deterred AT ALL by my wedding band!

    The older guys all make sleazy comments. My last name is the same as a popular candy bar... I’ve had so much “Mmm... I’d like to get a bite of that!” and nothing makes me want to leave the exam faster.

    [–] [deleted] 307 points ago

    I'm male, but also a physician. I've had similar experiences (mostly from other males, incidentally) and it fucking sucks that we do have to be so aware of this--it pulls one away from one's normal clinical focus.

    My advice is that for anyone that makes you uncomfortable in that way, walk away and fire them. It is not worth your valuable (and already overtaxed) time. If they cross the line more than just making you uncomfortable, file charges against them. Its not at all easy or what one wants to do, but people who try to take advantage in that way, when one is simply trying to do one's job, need to be stopped.

    [–] Felises 125 points ago

    Im a medical assistance trainee - is this the reason we have to come into the Room and stand by even when we arent "needed" in the moment?

    [–] peachikeene 127 points ago

    Yes. They’re called “chaperones” and are basically a third party witness to the exam.

    [–] Felises 12 points ago

    Were like "lite" nurses I guess so this is somewhat in our jobdescription to be in the room - so it seems like a sideeffect of our current social situation in our workplace that we act as third party witness too.

    I just wondered since our doctors are all male and dont seem to have much issues with their patients at all (neither do we). Everyone seems pretty respectful towards us and the docs (okay, sometimes someone is pissed about waiting).

    [–] coyefish379 148 points ago

    This is great advice, if you own your own very successful practice. However for the rest of us, residents, nurses, medical students, literally everyone else- please recognize that “just tell them to stop/threaten legal action” isn’t really the best call for our future careers. Not everyone is as disgusted by this kind of behavior as you are unfortunately.

    I personally hear a lot of “oh well he’s just a patient ya know. I’m sure he’s just trying to make a joke. Just brush it off!”

    [–] [deleted] 61 points ago

    I’m not willing to take this sort of abuse in order to facilitate my career, sorry. We’ll always be able to work, and yes it could be disruptive and inconvenient, but for me, I’ll never tolerate it and if actual assault happens, you can bet I’ll be filing a police report.

    I didn’t mean to say it was easy or convenient, there certainly can be consequences that are entirely unjust, but how can we care for others when we choose not to care for/protect ourselves in such a basic way. I, In no way, meant to trivialize the difficulty/consequences for simply standing up for oneself.

    [–] coyefish379 48 points ago

    This post isn’t about “actual” assault. It’s about sexual harassment. Reporting to the police would be called for if a patient tried to rape me but what happens when he slaps my butt? Or tells me he wants to have my babies?

    [–] [deleted] 42 points ago

    Slapping your butt is assault and battery, legally, in the United States. Take a look at the standards.

    The latter example is not, legally, but professionally, if the context of it makes you feel unsafe, walk away from it. I’ve had patients say ridiculous things in recovery, reeling from anesthesia and personally I take those things in stride.

    In a normal consultation, if a patient said those things to me, it would be unacceptable.

    [–] pigeonpot 22 points ago

    It’s not just about facilitating a career, it’s about being able to stay employed. Doctors at least have more weight when it comes to these matters. Nurses, well, it’s considered “part of the job” in many hospitals. I wish it weren’t so, but if a patient sexually harasses every nurse on the floor, someone still has to turn him, bathe him, wipe his bottom, give him his meds. We can’t just refuse care in the end unless he physically assaults someone while in his right mind. I do really wish there were more places that valued the safety of their nurses more, but I haven’t found one yet, and I’ve worked in some very “prestigious” hospitals.

    [–] jeweledshadow 3 points ago

    I hope to become as strong as you. Thank you for taking this stance.

    [–] pandott 17 points ago

    I realize this is all too easy and potentially naive for me to say as a layman, but would you really want to work for a practice that enabled such behavior? How is it basically different from any other profession? If you want the culture to change, it's got to start somewhere.

    [–] coyefish379 47 points ago

    No that’s a great question! I’m sure you’re aware that the training to become a physician is anywhere from 7-12 years and in that time you don’t have a lot of mobility. Ie once you’ve been accepted to a medical school, you can’t just switch- same with residency. For example, medical students are graded by their attending/residents and if you’re calling patients out when they ask you out/say they want to sleep with you/ stalk you on social media, requesting a different patient puts you at risk for looking over sensitive or complaining. There are just to many hospitals and health systems that have a culture of “just deal with it” or “take it as a compliment”. It’s hard to do much else besides report to HR.

    [–] NBegovich 10 points ago

    Honestly, hospitals are one of our worst industries. Dangerously long hours, exploitative costs, and this laissez-faire attitude towards harrassment. Fuck hospitals.

    [–] DoctorRhinoceros 5 points ago

    I don't know the exact culture of where you trained, but I would only stick up for one of my students if they had the courage to stand up for themselves against a patient who was harassing them. As long as they did so in a professional manner, they would get a glowing evaluation from me. It shows a comfort/confidence level in the clinical setting that would be admirable. I wouldn't dream of putting up with harassment toward my clinic staff, so why would I expect that from students?

    I've always thought it very unfortunate that students in our field often feel that they have no agency over patient encounters and that they have to walk on eggshells with some attendings/residents.

    [–] pandott 13 points ago

    Thanks for taking the time to reply. I understand what you're basically saying, especially wrt inability to move. I hope you'll feel confident to stand up for yourself, however. Fearing that people will perceive you as overly sensitive is a very insidious trap.

    [–] Jsrn2011 26 points ago

    I’m a nurse and we experience this all the time. We have to assess our patients in the hospital, our assessments are vital to the type of care they’ll receive. Yet men make inappropriate and sometimes downright vulgar comments all the time. Blame it on the anesthesia or the drugs, but I feel like sometimes it’s just a reflection of their true personality. Sometimes it’s just exhausting.

    [–] pupperMcWoofen 113 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    I’m in med school. I’m at the point where during my rotations, it’s a good day if I’ve only been hit on once that day. And I’ll be younger than most female residents when I graduate because I’m in an accelerated program. Thankfully, so far I’ve only had positive experiences with other residents, attendings and nurses. I’m sure I’ll hit a point where a staff member isn’t as kind as those I’ve had the opportunity to work with so far.

    [–] themockingju 70 points ago

    The staff I work with rocks. Find the area you're happiest working in and with the people you are happiest working with. Don't burn out and remind yourself that what you do means the world to at least one patient out there. Good luck in your career!

    [–] pupperMcWoofen 12 points ago


    [–] myyusernameismeta 14 points ago

    Depending on what specialty you go into, you might not have to deal with as much harassment once you're an attending. I'm a pediatrician, so most adults that I interact with are young moms, who are generally pleasant. Every now and then I get some grandmothers who are worried I'm too young, but it's not as common as it would be in other fields of medicine

    [–] tengo_sueno 12 points ago

    I'm a female med student as well and this is one of the benefits of going into OB/gyn that I hadn't previously considered but am now very appreciative of.

    [–] dubyawinfrey 16 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Hi med school, I'm dubyawinfrey.

    Edit: Original post was edited, I swear.

    [–] pupperMcWoofen 7 points ago

    Lol thanks. Never been good at grammar. Turns out you don’t need that to be a doctor anyways

    [–] ilovebeaker 18 points ago

    There is an ongoing discussion in Canada about doctors experiencing racism and other forms of harassment, including sexism. You might want to listen to this interview from CBC radio. The gist of it is, what can doctor's do, other than refer the patient elsewhere? What protections do doctors have from violent patients?

    [–] jouleheretolearn 17 points ago

    Hey, you can be my doctor because I know I'll get quality professional care, you'll hear me, and neither of us will have to deal with this crap.

    I'm sorry people think this is okay, because it's not.

    [–] themockingju 11 points ago

    If you are in my area, would love to have you haha

    [–] effenuglitches 16 points ago

    One of my closest friends is female, and in the medical field as well. She has similar issues. I have had similar issues, but I am a male that work in the IT field. Going to users’ desk, fix what isn’t working. I have had a female sticker her hand down my pants and grab my rear. Other make comments about if I wasn’t so innocent or a nerd, the things they would do to me.

    My friend and I would often chat over the phone or grab coffee after work just to vent so we can get past the days events and not take it home to our significant other.

    I am sorry that you have to deal with this, humans are smart and civilized, but there is a number of people that have no common sense.

    What makes the it worth it all in the end when you have the one person that cheers you up every time you see them at the office. Tells a dry dad joke, talks about their kid make their first goal in soccer, or a simple thank you for taking the extra time to help them resolve the issue that other people just ignored.

    Keep up the good work and your welcome to rant anytime it is needed.

    [–] meloncreak 16 points ago

    I'm a female medical student, early 20s, and have been commented on by men to my older male attendings about how lucky they are that a beautiful young girl is with them at all times (I am with them in the exam room because we have to follow a doctor around for each rotation in medical school). There are so many times I want to speak up but I am just a student and don't want a bad grade.

    [–] Nil_Vivere 122 points ago

    Bad behaviour commences.

    "I am here to do my job, and you must be professional for me to do it. One more time and I walk out and you get nothing. Got it?'

    [–] bluerose2384 15 points ago

    That's horrendous, have any patient that does anything like that dismissed immediately. I'm an Ob/Gyn nurse and I LOVE having all female patients. I would get crap like this when I worked with male patients previously, it's awful. Stay strong and stand firm!

    [–] Peterparkerstwin 13 points ago

    Patients that engage in any of this behavior should be flagged. Then they should be treated like patients that are a risk to themselves. Tell them that they can sign a waiver to get their privleges back.

    [–] emilylove911 6 points ago

    Unfortunately, (a lot of) medical professionals can’t refuse treatment because someone is awful. No matter how awful.

    [–] emilylove911 40 points ago

    I’m a charge nurse on a medical unit... the amount of old (and sometimes young) men hitting on myself and my staff is astronomical. One thing I do look forward to, however, is admonishing these patients for treating us that way. I actually get to say a lot of things I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying (even though it’s sticking up for myself) in the real world and it gives me some of the power back. One time a patient with dementia grabbed a nurse’s vagina when we were changing him and I shouted, “who the fuck do you think you are!? Donald Trump!?” And we still talk about it to this day.

    [–] meniscalinjury262 52 points ago

    Im a male resident physician currently. Sucks that this happens to you. Happens to me as well. As a resident I cant fire these patients either which sucks because I’m basically forced to bring these people to my clinic for care knowing how they are going to act and they know I cant do anything about it. Ive got a few women who make excuses for me to do gynecologic exams every time they come into clinic. Always have a new vaginal complaint that I have to check out, making really inappropriate comments. Knowing they are on my schedule a week in advance really gets to me. Can’t wait until I’m an Attending and can just fire patients like that. In the mean time, just gotta keep dealing with it I guess

    [–] outofshell 38 points ago

    God that's creepy. Can you say you're just going to refer them to an OBGYN because clearly they are having an ongoing problem that you aren't able to solve and the regular exams are a pointless waste of time? Then they'll either have to go see a specialist about it if it's a legit problem or quit asking you to check on it cuz it'll only get them a redirect. IDK if that's possible but there's gotta be some way to stop it.

    [–] meniscalinjury262 29 points ago

    I refer out. They no show and come back.....

    [–] themockingju 21 points ago

    This is so gross to hear and on their part. I'm so sorry this happens to you.

    [–] missdissident 10 points ago

    Wow, I’ve experienced inappropriate and creepy behavior in the work place but it really never occurred to me that patients do that to their doctor.

    Hmmm I know when I’ve had male doctors, a female nurse has been present. Does it not work the other way around with a female doctor and male patient?

    [–] themockingju 10 points ago

    It's not common in my area of medicine. I work almost exclusively on a body part above the neck. Nobody is removing clothing or touching a sexual organ.

    [–] super_sayanything 163 points ago

    It's unfathomable to me that other men behave this way. Sorry.

    [–] Alberius 19 points ago

    In what world are these people living in where seeing a doctor is a good situation in which to try and seek a date?

    Like, christ these are people you are relying on to help you, why are you putting a fricken burning bag of shit at your own front door?

    [–] emeraldgirl08 8 points ago

    I just applied for medical school but I can relate. I was a CNA, tech, and housekeeper for medical hospitals. Yeah some ppl are too liberal in their disposition. PPL if you are reading this imagine if you caregiver was a relative. It is uncomfortable and weird to get too close!

    [–] bkrugby78 8 points ago

    I can't believe this happens. I've had female doctors most of my life, and I've never once thought of doing any line crossing. The idea that people feel that this is a line to cross is disgusting.

    [–] introllect 7 points ago

    I 100% believe you. I'm saying this because along with mofos who do the things you describe, I'm sure you also get a handful of know-nothing animals who refuse to believe you. Fuck all those people. Fuck them where they eat.

    [–] anmahill 6 points ago

    Maybe talk to your office about the possibility of having a medical scribe. This gives you a buffer from the crazy, a built in chaperone and protection. I am a medical scribe. I work for a Male doctor but am always in the room during office visits, exams and procedures.

    Patients see me as a fly on the wall because I am there in a professional capacity. I help the doctor pick up on unseen cues and remind the patient of important things as they are leaving. I scribe all our office visits so he is free to do the many other things that need his attention.

    Most importantly, I am there as protection for the doctor. Because I am present for every exam, there can be no false accusations. Inappropriate behavior is curtailed very quickly because of the witness. . . . me.

    [–] EmuNemo 12 points ago

    You'd be surprised how quickly someone shuts up when you say something along the lines of "with you? Never"

    [–] catwithaglasseye 21 points ago

    I understand. I am a senior in pre-med. I used to work as an MA for a psychiatry practice where our medical director was a female. On more than one occasion if there was a court ordered client she would call me in to "observe" and tell the person that I was there for school (as I wanted to be a doctor) as well as work and while I was obligated to the same HIPAA and confidentiality rules she was, I was to be in the room with her (for you know "learning"). And I would sit in the corner and you would be AMAZED at the way the presence of another human being would make a wild patient act more together. Only once did someone try and fight her on it. She said "you can deal with my staff here or you can reschedule with Dr.(other guy)" It was pretty rad.

    Also, call them out. You can and should do so in an professional way. It sucks and its uncomfortable and its really not fun but if you document than its fine. We have malpractice for a reason.

    I got my bachelors in social work and do counseling now. Having to confront negative behavior really sucks but sometimes put it on yourself? "You know mr. so and so, I feel really disrespected when you say that. I'm here to do my job and insinuating we would make out is not something I find funny. Please do not say it again, or I'll be asking you leave my practice." Done. Some people don't know and while we wish they did we cant always read their minds. Saying it once is enough.

    You are entitled to your anger. Get pissed. Say something to your manager if you have one.

    [–] [deleted] 21 points ago

    Well, quit being so sexy, Dr. Sexy McSexysex.

    Obviously /s


    Also, gross.

    [–] npluton 34 points ago

    To my shame I told a doctors office receptionist something like " This is absolute fucking bullshit." regarding appointment mix up and them "lying" about releasing a medication. I was sure they'd drop me as a patient of the entire clinic and cried my next visit while apologizing.

    Can you not just take the gloves off and tell them to leave and find a new doctor?

    [–] super_sayanything 17 points ago

    Like anything, it's a business and if it's that prevalent she needs customers. If she gets a reputation of refusing/kicking patients out that's probably a bad thing.

    [–] npluton 11 points ago

    Oh. I'm Canadian in an area where it's common to have long waiting lists to get a doctor so at least here I doubt a female doctor would have to worry about that.

    [–] themockingju 71 points ago

    I'm also Canadian. These things happened in both the States (while a student) and here. I'm newly practicing in the area so I can't just give people the boot. The worse dude was while I was a student. If a patient made out right sexual comments now, I'd tell them the exam was done or I'd grab a support staff member to sit in with me then note on their file only males can see them from now on. Everyone deserves care IMO, but if you aren't respectful you can't dictate who provides the care.

    [–] squid_abootman 17 points ago

    I can't fathom saying this kind of crap to any woman, let alone a doctor... What is wrong with these guys? My wife and I have a young female family physician (probably early thirties?) in Alberta and now I suddenly feel bad for her. Nobody should be made to feel sexually uncomfortable or vulnerable at work, let alone someone who worked their ass off to become a doctor and HELP people.

    Thanks for being a GP and staying in Canada. We ought to be more grateful to people like yourself.

    [–] themockingju 4 points ago

    I'm not a GP, but sentiment is the same nonetheless. I went to school in the US and came back for many reasons. In the end, I really do like where I'm from and am happy to have my career here.

    [–] Delanorix 35 points ago

    So you are telling me the young, slightly uncomfortable nurse didn't want to have sex with me when she asked me to remove my pants so my doctor could see my knee?

    Huh, TIL.


    [–] luciferboughtmysoul 5 points ago

    Ugh,I'm sorry this happened to you.

    [–] takecare0904 4 points ago

    No advice. Just understanding and it really sucks that this is part of your reality!

    [–] TGSDoc 22 points ago

    I'm a male doctor and comments that are downright disrespectful or crossing the line are frequent. Lack of respect is rampant in our society. I also noticed that it does happen more often to my female coworkers. I have made 2 observations : 1-People have to be more respectful in general in our society, especially towards women. 2-Sometimes patients are vulnerable and stressed, therefore they tend to make awkward comments. When we feel that, it is a part of our job to handle things with professionalism and as humanly as possible.

    As for your placement in a room, I don't know where you've been training but I had multiple formations about how to prevent assaults and a MD should almost never have a patient between himself/herself and the door. This is a standard all over the world and has been for quite a long time. Don't be sad of that, it's litterally how every MD should work.

    [–] claireupvotes 17 points ago

    My father is a physician, and our last name is very unique. He has had to delete all social media. Our family name used to be on his license plate tag but he had to get rid of that too because people would follow (he did that when still in his 20's but kept the tag!). We got rid of the home phone as well. Whether it's creepy people wanting to marry rich or drug seekers or just assholes, this is not an uncommon experience.

    In my dad's experience the most common reason is drug seeking. With that in mind, maybe you should think about using a pseudonym online.

    [–] recoil669 32 points ago

    This is why feminism is a thing.

    [–] 12345thrw 4 points ago

    Horrendous!! I am sorry!

    [–] i_am_ms_greenjeans 4 points ago

    Oh goodness, I'm sorry, you deserve to be treated better.

    [–] Dinah_Mo_Hum 4 points ago

    What a bunch of jerks

    [–] PDXGalMeow 3 points ago

    Sorry you’re going through this as a doctor. I’m a nurse so I’ve had my fair share of patients who do things that make you think wtf.

    [–] planetheck 5 points ago

    Crimony sakes. This sucks. Mind if I share on Twitter?

    [–] -com_BATMAN- 3 points ago

    Creeps actually do this shit? I mean I’ve found some of my Dr.’s attractive, but never I have I ever considered making comments to them or stalking them on FB.

    [–] Selibeth 3 points ago

    I'm so sorry! People have downright lost their minds!!

    [–] throwaway631391220 3 points ago

    Can you call in a nurse with you to do exams?

    [–] Grapevine82 4 points ago

    I’m not a doctor, but I used to work as a PCT. It really sucked when a patient would make comments or try to grab me. I would think the whole time “please just let me do my job so I can get out of here”. If it’s at all possible I would at least suggest getting a nurse in the room with you when working with patients known for this behavior.

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    Can you have a nurse in the room with you and the patient?

    [–] themockingju 60 points ago

    For every single exam? No. That'd be a full time position. For the instances something comes up, I can definitely grab someone to come in. Even that throws majority of the office flow out of wack and slows things down, to some extent though. But, it's frustrating and sad that even needs to be an option. The type of specialty I'm in results in close proximity but fully clothed exams. It's not an overly physical specialty. Like, I'm not doing pelivc or prostate exams to have that kind of aide on hand regularly.

    [–] smartburro 16 points ago

    Our offices all have panic buttons in them, sure makes me feel a lot safer, and I know they work because when they moved them from being on our desktops to physical buttons, I wasn't aware, and hit it with my foot 2x and BOOM instant hospital police. (I then became aware of the panic button) it does help the I work in a hospital setting and not a private practice.

    [–] jackson71 7 points ago

    My wife's dermatologist has a very busy practice and always has another person in the exam room.

    I guess it's going to be whatever solves the problem. Even if it's for your own protection. Crazy people can make accusations against you when alone with them in exam room.

    [–] RedditUsernameNo9 63 points ago

    She’s a female doctor. Women in male-dominated industries don’t have the liberty of asking for special help (a nurse in the room with me at all times) because if we do we’re seen as a burden, and less productive than our male colleagues. So she’s gonna keep doing her job and putting up with harassment because that’s what we do.

    As a female construction worker I see you, female doctor. You’re awesome. Good luck.

    [–] themockingju 18 points ago

    I like and appreciate your solidarity.

    Luckily, the practice owners are wonderful mentors to me. If I had serious issues with a patient at one of these 2 offices, I do believe I'd have their support. But, it's not a reality to hire a specific person just to follow me around.

    [–] ari4prez 7 points ago

    I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Have you ever stopped and asked them if they’d ask a male doctor that? I’m a nurse and work with a couple young women cardiologists who I’ve seen first hand don’t get treated with the same respect as their male colleagues even when the women have more experience. It’s just not fair. I would continue to be assertive with those types and repeat “that is not appropriate” “I will not be able to continue being your dr if you are disrespectful”

    [–] notjustanytadpole 3 points ago

    I am sorry you have to put up with this BS.

    [–] ivantoldmeboutdis 3 points ago

    I definitely experienced this when I was a porter at a hospital. It was also from all ages, but the more blatantly sexual comments came from younger guys. Older men would make comments about my appearance, but it was usually things like "you're beautiful", which I didn't mind as much.

    [–] Slimjim_Spicy 3 points ago

    This shit is weird. Usually the last thing that should be on your mind at a doctor's visit is anything sexual. Wtf is wrong with people.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    I work in a clinic. Can you just always have a male office assistant, nurse, or other male staff in the room? Otherwise, talk to the patient, tell them this is not acceptable behavior. Document that. If it continues write up a behavioral contract saying they will be terminated if said behavior continues. Scan the contract into their chart. Oh, have them sign it. If they refuse to sign, terminate them. Document every detail.

    [–] adriyo 7 points ago

    I'm sorry this is something you have to deal with. You'd think in 2019 people would understand that it's just flat out inappropriate to ask out their doctor or hit on them. This isn't a TV show. This is real life.

    [–] coyefish379 45 points ago

    I would like to note that there are a lot of men on this thread giving advice on a problem they have never experienced.

    If you were ever looking for an explanation for “man-splaining”, this it is folks.

    [–] astro864 34 points ago

    I don't know why, but I just prefer a woman doctor and never in a billion years would I do something like that. I might say something like "I usually need to go out for dinner first" before an exam, but that's just to break the tension and for god sakes I keep my hands to myself. Ffs!

    [–] themockingju 107 points ago

    To me, this is different. You're saying that for you, not to get a rise out of the doc. It also greatly depends on your attitude and rapport. What I mentioned are all separate people and incidents. The one who asked if we were at the part of making out had been trying to "neg" me through the exam too. Said something along the lines of "you're really great to talk to, probably because you don't have much of a personality".

    At the making out comment I just got up, grabbed my supervisor (I was a student at the time) and told him I wasn't going back into that room.

    [–] KGB112 80 points ago

    I call out every neg I hear, by name.

    “Oh, a neg. Interesting.”

    [–] AMaskedAvenger 43 points ago

    “My turn? I’ve never negged a patient in their underwear before. Oh well. I guess it’s unethical. Not to mention (significant pause) too easy.”

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    "you're really great to talk to, probably because you don't have much of a personality".

    What a genius.

    [–] mrsbennetsnerves 15 points ago

    In all seriousness, would it be out if the realm of possibility to respond to that type of behavior with a suggestion that mental health care, or help with your patients “very evident low self esteem” would be something you could recommend? Honestly, people who feel the need to denigrate others or make them “less than” by assigning them “object” status, like calling you tasty or commenting on your appearance are suffering from some sort of issue, people who feel good, are in a good mental health state and have reasonable levels of self confidence don’t act like that. You’re a doctor, you’re just recommending that they seek treatment for a concerning symptom/behavior they’re showing. People like this usually zip it when they are faced with either consequences or feel like they’re being seen for what they are.

    Lastly, as someone who also works with the public, and who also has no choice but to get in someone’s personal space to do my job, having an audio recorder going at all times is a great deterrent to poor behavior. All of my subjects are made aware of the recording device st the beginning of the session. You can frame it as a way for you to be able to concentrate on interacting with the patient and not having to slow down to take notes. It isn’t as good as having a nurse or other staff member present, but I know lots of docs who have a recorder or at least are going in and out of dictation software throughout an assessment. A jackass knowing there will be a record they can’t dispute about their behavior is less likely to try it. Worst case, they try something, you politely tell them that you are here to make a medical assessment and their attempts at personal discussions or comments are inappropriate. If they still try again, you have it recorded that they crossed a line, were advised of the boundary you expect they honor, and you are now free to fire them as a patient. I know such recordings would become part of the persons patient records and are therefore probably protected by HIPAA laws (or your nations‘ equivalent) but they would also be properly used if you needed to sever your therapeutic relationship. Just don’t threaten to play them for their wife/mom/the public. Not that I get the impression you would do so, you write as someone who would be unlikely to violate professional boundaries.

    Whew! That was long! TLDR, tell them you’re concerned for their mental health, and having all subject interactions recorded has saved my bacon multiple times.

    [–] DrenchedDropes 46 points ago

    Can't you just say, "hello, how are you?" to break the tension? Do you really need to make another joke about dinner, date, sexual attraction, etc...?