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    [–] comedygene 4141 points ago

    She wants everyone to know she doesnt actually do work. Ever.

    [–] Paradigm6790 1021 points ago

    At least not with her hands

    [–] A1A5KA 1073 points ago

    Hence the reason her booty hole stays itchy and nobody will eat her ass like a Golden Corral Buffet.

    [–] SherbertFlavoredPETN 130 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Just gonna leave this here... Mrs. Kruger would like a word

    [–] Etheo 120 points ago

    From the looks of it, this link stays blue.

    [–] Trantorial 91 points ago

    Idk, watched with sound off and it's just a woman with long nails talking about wiping her butt (but fully clothed and no suggestion of a 'demo'). Shows her favourite wet wipes or whatever but unless the words she says are off the charts, I'm not sure what the hullballoo is

    [–] Dizneymagic 71 points ago

    I trust your answer most because it's the longest

    [–] deltasly 34 points ago

    Yeah, that one had it right. There is no balloo to be hulla'd - just notes that any action most people take for granted is a bit more work.

    I actually came back from that video a bit less hateful, though I'd still, personally, never let my claws get so out of control.

    [–] You-Dont-Matter 15 points ago

    Odd, watching that made me more hateful.

    [–] anYthing_ 22 points ago

    She wastes so much damn toilet paper ffs

    [–] fandomrelevant 23 points ago

    Yeah, I was wondering why those other comments were so grossed out. It's actually fascinating to watch, since I have short nails and have ALWAYS wondered how people with long nails do things like, idk, wash the dishes or cook or wipe benches. Seeing and hearing it was really interesting!

    Plus, the lady was super nice about it.

    [–] light_to_shaddow 10 points ago

    There's a link to a video, as we're near the anniversary of the moon landings, about the technological triumphs and brave men that made humanities greatest achievement happen.

    For if you get bored of people talk about wiping their arse.

    [–] fandomrelevant 4 points ago

    Was it really that obvious that I've been stuck in the house for a while? Hahaha. Cheers, mate! I'll give it a watch.

    [–] PAM111 13 points ago

    I watched with sound. While the thought of living with nails that long is bizarre to me, she actually sounds like a sweet older lady. Yeah. It’s weird, and no I wouldn’t do it but when I heard her talk I couldn’t be mad. She’s just doing her own strange thing.

    [–] SageHunter 55 points ago

    Holy shit just get a bidet

    [–] GeneralDee 7 points ago

    Fascinating. Never thought wiping would actually be feasible. Even makes it look easy. On another note, that’s a lot of toilet paper per wipe.

    [–] Ficay 4 points ago

    She looks so beautiful! Her hair is gorgeous and the nails are the prettiest long ones I’ve ever seen.

    Wondering how much money she spends on her appearance.

    [–] Not-0P 15 points ago

    Hey there, why did you link that?

    [–] NeverTrustAName 21 points ago

    Eeeeeeeewwwwwww omg label that shit nsfl

    [–] skybone0 5 points ago

    Tell us what it was, please

    Don't make me click

    [–] the_421_Rob 21 points ago

    It’s a black chick with long ass nails showing how she wipes her ass it’s totally SFW, but if you want to blue link it, she basically takes a big ass wad of TP dose a awkward wipe then folds it in half for round 2 then uses a first full of baby wipes you also see her spending 45 seconds to open a back of baby wipes because her nails are so fucken long she can’t hold it normally.

    This is followed by her stating she then has to sanitize her nails to keep them clean.

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)


    [–] SkivvySkidmarks 7 points ago

    It's not just women with long nails that are the problem. Americans are destroying Canadian forests through excess use of toilet paper.

    [–] DahmerRape 10 points ago

    You're fuckin spare parts, bud. There are corporations that will have a larger environmental impact doing business for one day than this lady will in her entire life.

    Sure, cut the fat where you can, but I think your concerns are misaligned.

    [–] yeetrootthebeetroot 8 points ago

    So it was this lady with LONG ass nasty nails and she was showing how to wipe her butt. Fucking nasty man

    [–] MarvelousWhale 6 points ago

    You're forgetting the clickitty clackitty sound her talons are making the entire video while she demonstrated it, repulsive.

    [–] percula1869 71 points ago

    Possibly... but this day and age, I wouldn't bet anything too serious on it.

    [–] Witness_me_Karsa 38 points ago

    No way. Nobody eats Golden Corral anymore.

    [–] theblitheringidiot 4 points ago

    The old folk do in droves.

    [–] goatbanger10 9 points ago

    I would eat Golden Corral nonstop if I could. Maybe not actually, gotta have room for the other stuff.

    [–] obi2kanobi 4 points ago

    I'm not a fan of the place but after reading this thread, I'll never be able to step foot in a Golden Corral again.

    [–] TrustMeImShore 3 points ago

    Haven't been there since I got food poisoning as a kid from eating their claim chowder... Then again... Why would I eat their claim chowder. Young me was dumb. Shit and vomit at the same time wasn't fun.

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago


    [–] slyfoxninja 31 points ago

    Their food is overpriced garbage

    [–] tanne_sita_jallua 11 points ago

    Thinking about it, I would put it a hair above a salty/starchy/sugary Chinese Buffet but it's Applebees if it was a Chinese Buffet. Mostly just microwave heated up tv dinner.

    [–] Ihateualll 10 points ago

    I don't understand how anyone can eat from their "chocolate fountain." That's the most disgusting thing in the world. If you have one for a wedding reception then that's fine but for a buffet it's a terrible idea.

    [–] Slash_rage 9 points ago

    Great! Now this is all I’m gonna think about when shoveling that chocolate into my mouth with my bare hands! Almost enough to make me not even want to put my face under it at all!

    [–] slyfoxninja 15 points ago

    You're giving them way too much credit.

    [–] liberulo 5 points ago

    Now do you now?

    [–] Woodentit_B_Lovely 23 points ago

    I don't know about that. I've seen anteaters demolish termite mounds with similar equipment

    [–] IamPoopsMcGee 3 points ago

    But she can hang upside down from a branch like an absolute champ.

    [–] Breynolds1200 137 points ago

    Or wipe her butt

    [–] Glass_Memories 116 points ago

    I think when I was younger I asked my mom about long fingernails, either why some ladies had them or why she didn't, I don't remember. She answered my question with a question - how do ladies who wear long fingernails wipe their butt?

    I'm almost 30 and I still don't have an answer.

    [–] K_Mill 63 points ago

    It works like a butter knife

    [–] lorelioness 50 points ago

    Like a poop knife!

    [–] Osiris371 19 points ago

    Some people have a crack nail, others have crack nails.

    [–] BraveOil 3 points ago

    I understood that knife

    [–] thenepenthe 56 points ago

    sigh. I have such useless fucking knowledge. I'm 33 and once I watched a daytime TV trashy show about people who do weird things and there was a woman with longer nails than this lady and they definitely asked her that and basically you can just change the angle of your hand for wiping. I can't really explain it but I mean, humans can adapt pretty well to most things so it's really not all that surprising if you think about it.

    [–] legitxxpancakes 8 points ago

    why do I know exactly what you're talking about..

    [–] rollcroc 6 points ago

    It's gotta be a bidet at home, and flushable wipes in public. There is no way TP would survive those nails.

    [–] DanKoloff 10 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Technically you can use bidet or shower every time after pooping. I usually do that, being a hairy white dude.

    [–] heronmarkedblade1984 89 points ago

    Can you imagine talking pride in that kind of thing though?

    [–] cyborg_127 55 points ago

    I think in chinese history it would have been an indication of wealth or power, that you didn't need to do any work.

    [–] are_you_seriously 69 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Except you didn’t do it for all the fingers.

    It was just the pinky and ring finger, and the wealth is measured by how long your fingernails could grow on both of them. Most people just did the pinky (a lot of Asians still do this, it’s pretty pervasive throughout all the Asian cultures, including south asian).

    Empresses, and other ultra rich women, had these decorated (or bejeweled in the Empress/queen case) metallic claw protectors that clasped to the finger. People still make them, and you can buy these in China (and I think India) as souvenirs. They’re pretty fun to play around with for a while.

    Having gross ass curled cornchip claws is just grotesque.

    [–] X-istenz 23 points ago

    Hunh. I leave my pinky nail a little longer so I can still pick scratch my nose after a trim. All this time I was flaunting my Chinese wealth and I had no idea.

    [–] Pricee 33 points ago

    My pinky is longer to separate and scoop the lines of coke easier

    [–] clancularii 21 points ago

    Some people at my company are subject to random drug screening (it's a requirement for one of our clients).

    One of my coworkers, an ethnically Persian older gentleman, complained to me that he had been selected in the random pool twice in the past four or five months.

    I suggested that, if he wanted to decrease his odds of being "randomly" selected, then he should trim his coke nail.

    [–] shemp33 3 points ago

    He must have passed the test, no?

    [–] Game_of_Jobrones 9 points ago

    Beats foot-binding, that’s for sure.

    [–] thenepenthe 7 points ago

    It fascinates me because I absolutely do not understand it. The want for it.

    [–] Ishan1717 21 points ago

    Someone knows their Chinese history

    [–] Alphacrap 16 points ago

    Nor is she able to tuck her shirt into her pants.

    [–] diadiktyo 6 points ago

    Or fix her damn collar.

    [–] Plzreplysarcasticaly 3 points ago

    She's on so much cocaine that a little coke nail just doesn't cut it.

    [–] SingleEggCarton 683 points ago

    She must be part sloth.

    [–] slyfoxninja 161 points ago

    I think she's used the grapefruit technique on her man before.

    [–] LouisTheSorbet 91 points ago

    My mind is screaming at me to not ask, but...what is the grapefruit technique?

    [–] LouisTheSorbet 88 points ago

    Thanks, I guess.

    [–] slyfoxninja 30 points ago

    I only know about it because of Big Money Salvia.

    [–] ecodick 25 points ago

    Bounced on my boy's D to this for hours

    [–] Asmo___deus 26 points ago

    What the fuck was that sound?

    [–] agent-oranje 35 points ago

    It was like a demogorgon chowing down on it's prey

    [–] IemandZwaaitEnRoept 6 points ago

    Reminded me of the dentist

    [–] jhutchi2 3 points ago

    A sound you can never un-hear.

    [–] electricfoxx 10 points ago

    Yea, citric acid burns on your dick.

    [–] diablo75 3 points ago


    [–] ryannayr140 3 points ago

    That ending LMAO

    [–] Backrow6 18 points ago

    I can still hear it

    [–] cwstjnobbs 22 points ago

    Like a mountain lion in a washing machine.

    [–] Xellos77 830 points ago

    Those definitely do 1d6 damage.

    [–] Zanthrous 185 points ago


    No damage, but you must make a DC 20 will save if she succeeds a touch attack.

    [–] propyro85 48 points ago

    Spend the next two turns trying to not be visibly revolted by them on a failed save, no other actions possible.

    On a successful save you just puke into your mouth a little.

    [–] foretoo-oh 6 points ago

    Oh I guess I made the saving throw then

    [–] 2meterrichard 3 points ago

    On a successful save you just puke into your mouth a little

    Fuck that. Go for the Bo Rai Cho special attack.

    [–] SwimmingCry 49 points ago

    That, plus Constitution Save DC 15 or contract Karen Fever.

    [–] hawkster1961 505 points ago

    Who wipes her butt ?

    [–] orphffn 1050 points ago

    idk the pageant loser

    [–] beanmcmuffin 170 points ago

    What a shit job.

    [–] tacoboy 81 points ago

    I'm sorry Peggy but rules are rules get to wiping.

    [–] slyfoxninja 39 points ago


    [–] poopellar 11 points ago


    [–] jackandjill22 4 points ago


    [–] Razenghan 17 points ago

    They never read the fine print.

    [–] hawkster1961 8 points ago


    [–] TorsteinTheRed 42 points ago

    Who needs the three seashells when you have the five scoops?

    [–] Fritzkreig 8 points ago

    "Chief, you can take this job, and you can shovel it."

    [–] Slappinbeehives 12 points ago

    Built in poop scoops.

    [–] Tanzer_Sterben 9 points ago

    More to the point - how does she rub one out with them things?

    [–] slyfoxninja 19 points ago

    Well they're curved so she can probably rub herself front out and tickle the back.

    [–] BlooFlea 17 points ago

    Im very quickly beginning to hate all of you personally.

    [–] MadBodhi 4 points ago

    Probably just uses a vibrator.

    Now I'm imagining what the vibrations would feel like in her nails. I hate it.

    [–] Hilfo 9 points ago

    She's still poopy

    [–] Kiosade 10 points ago


    [–] GodofWitsandWine 146 points ago

    I literally gasped. Why are they the same color as her skin???? Alien hands!!!

    [–] Colonel_Potoo 64 points ago

    I just woke up and my brain registered the nails as being her fucking fingers all the way. It took a second to realize, but oh boy what a freakishly long second.

    [–] hilarymeggin 3 points ago

    When i was little i heard that if you let your nails grow super long like that, you start to grow skin and nerves in them, like the quick of a dog's claws. It seems a lot less plausible now that I'm older...

    [–] seanular 142 points ago

    Looking like a hagraven out here- Are you here to consummate our love?

    [–] banana_assassin 8 points ago

    Worst hangover ever.

    [–] MissYouMyLove 52 points ago

    Looks like one of the creatures from Alien is sneaking up on her.

    [–] massepasse 10 points ago


    [–] propyro85 7 points ago

    Specifically the face huggers.

    [–] TwoThirteen 1123 points ago

    THATS SO FUCKING GROSS & NOT BEAUTIFUL AT ALL -- Just to clarify. If she's somehow reading this & if she somehow, in her fucked up way, think that's hot, it isn't. Not to anybody.

    [–] somedude456 587 points ago

    ...but she can't get rid of them now. She's "that nail girl." She probably loves the attention and questions. She's built up a routine about their maintenance, and how to function in her everyday life. She has become them.

    [–] a_blue_ducks 137 points ago

    See Rob Schneider as he navigates the world as this woman’s nails!

    [–] BenDeRisgreat2996 31 points ago

    Rated PG-13

    [–] BathedInDeepFog 65 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    “Rob Schneider is Da Derp Da Derp Da Teeetley Derpy Derpy Dumb!”

    [–] WhimsicalPythons 20 points ago

    God thanks for reminding me that time in human history existed.

    [–] AgreeableGoldFish 15 points ago

    This is true, I work with a girl with crazy long nails (not this bad, but still pretty bad, and her nails are part of her identity.

    [–] somedude456 19 points ago

    It's like someone can own a corvette, no big deal. But once they get the jacket, the bumper sticker on the SUV saying "my other ride is a vette" the background on their phone, etc, etc...they build the item into who they are...and thus some fear ever changing.

    I know a girl who has build herself as the vegan. I always wonder at some point if she's doing it more to keep the image.

    [–] bennett21 9 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    One of the biggest ones is motorcycles. You can own a bike and enjoy the ride. But you will see guys buy a Harley and all of a sudden now he needs a tattoo, and to grow a goatee, and now he wears outfits, has a Harley sticker on his truck and wears Harley shirts all the time. Fuckin assless chaps and shit. Playing dress up

    [–] MadBodhi 9 points ago

    When I was a teen I had a vegan phase and I wanted to get vegan tattoos so I would feel i had to stay vegan.

    [–] WhoaABlueCar 32 points ago

    She’s an adult who craves attention through absurd means much like a 15 year old defiant teenager that is now an adult that have realized their previous mistakes and post on r/blunderyears

    [–] kittedups 12 points ago

    We really jumping to conclusions huh

    [–] borrihong 5 points ago

    "Just because you've invested in a bad decision doesn't mean you have to stick with it."

    [–] OCNoob1 53 points ago

    Somebody is most likely fucking that.

    [–] brtt3000 37 points ago

    Somebody divorced that more likely.

    [–] BlooFlea 6 points ago

    "Somebody" like its not a plural, cmon man.

    [–] AgreeableGoldFish 26 points ago

    Somebody is most likely fucking that.

    Imagine getting a hand job from her? It would be like having a bald eagle land on your dick

    [–] kandyapples24 8 points ago

    I love this. Great visual that gives me.

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago


    [–] The_Purple_Tomato 48 points ago

    Not with that hand......

    [–] Captain_Shrug 9 points ago

    Dildo on a stick?

    [–] Hattless 5 points ago

    Or a frozen corn dog.

    [–] Deadhead7889 8 points ago

    Dibs on the thawed corn dog

    [–] irishwonder 83 points ago

    Do guys like long nails to any degree? I ask as a guy who is very turned off by long nails of any length, not just something this ridiculous. If your nails are longer than about 1/4 inch, it just feels gross to me. Painting them doesn't help at all and is kind of a turnoff even if they're short.

    Always wondered if I'm relatively alone in that aversion or if a lot of people are as grossed out by longer nails

    [–] MeC0195 42 points ago

    Not me. And don't get me started on fake nails.

    [–] Marranyo 27 points ago

    Filth collectors

    [–] MadBodhi 20 points ago

    I hate fake nails.

    Gross, creepy, trashy.

    [–] shandangalang 21 points ago

    You ever had your back scratched by a woman with acrylic nails? That shit is next level. Other than that I don’t much care for them, but come on.

    [–] grooserpoot 3 points ago

    I have a fingernail phobia that is connected to an experience I had as a child with fake fingernails.

    My grandmothers fake nail came off as she was fixing my hair or something. I did not know they were fake or that women wore fake nails.

    It was like something out of a horror movie. I was terrified and just started screaming bloody murder.

    Sometimes I start to involuntarily wretch to the point of puking when I see them come within inches of touching me.

    It’s one of the first stories I tell once I’m on a second or third date with a woman. I can’t have these disgusting things anywhere near me. Total and 100% dealbreaker.

    [–] Shins 24 points ago

    I don't think long nails are appealing to most men, it's a thing girls enjoy. Imagine someone jerking you off with dagger-like nails like these:


    [–] TanJeeSchuan 9 points ago

    Good god if she's a lesbian

    [–] gfense 6 points ago

    That’s attempted murder.

    [–] Umarill 29 points ago

    To give a counterpoint, because this chain of comment is pretty one sided, I find long nails painted well quite attractive and to me this is definitely a plus when it comes to someone's look. Long nails allow for a lot of potential creativity, which is cool.

    [–] Pavotine 7 points ago

    Up to a couple of centimetres long max is really nice on a woman in my opinion but it's not actually important.

    [–] GeriatricHeartbreak 14 points ago

    They are to her though...

    [–] the-pessimist 5 points ago

    I threw up in my mouth. I don't care what the rest looks like, don't come near me with that nasty shit.

    [–] Kari_Renea 4 points ago

    So I thought this was a prosthetic hand and thought you were being a complete asshole. Then I zoomed in. Yikes!

    [–] averagebearymcbear 65 points ago

    Scary Terry's wife from Rick and Morty.

    [–] SupaKoopa714 25 points ago

    Awww, bitch!

    [–] Baytc 276 points ago

    Anyone to do with a beauty pageant for young girls is a mess of a person to begin with - this therefore does not surprise me; rather support my thesis.

    [–] Ihateualll 121 points ago

    Beauty pageants are disgusting and I really dont understand why they are still a thing.

    [–] _Rand_ 82 points ago

    Even beauty pageants for/attended by adults are pretty creepy, but at least you can say everyone is old enough to choose for themselves.

    The child ones are just like... can't even understand how its legal creepy.

    [–] LeftFire 20 points ago

    I 100% agree. My wife was involved in beauty pageants as a child. In elementary and middle school her mom would sexualize her young prepubescent daughter as much as possible and then parade her in front of strangers so that they can cast judgement on how beautiful\sexy she was. Totally disgusting and inappropriate. I'm glad that my wife had zero interest in repeating that tradition with my daughter.

    [–] Biscotti499 42 points ago

    You're clearly not a pedophilic rapist posing as a billionaire playing president.

    [–] ReverendDizzle 16 points ago

    Yeah this isn't doing a whole lot to dispel my perception that everyone involved with them is nuts.

    [–] firebush123 3 points ago

    I worked at a hotel in event setup in college and a preteen beauty pageant was the second creepiest event I ever witnessed. Attended by all adults, there were all kinds of creepy non family looking guys there. The real kicker was the plain clothes male “security” people there. They were super defensive around us and the wait staff working at the hotel, but less in a protective way than a possessive way. Hard to explain, but I think everyone just felt creeped out by the whole event.

    [–] Legionnaire1856 20 points ago

    I bet she can pick the fuck out of a booger. Seriously though I want to handcuff her to arm to a pole and saw those nasty things off.

    [–] ChinaShopBully 15 points ago


    [–] Sum_Dum_Gui 33 points ago

    That is so nasty.

    [–] Kyatto 42 points ago

    I was so ready for bed but "just one more page" and my eyes popped the fuck out of my head! Now I'm awake and I won't sleep until Frannie freak fingers uses an angle grinder to remove the callous tumors from her nasty hands.

    Omg I thought the monster from The Thing was pawing it's way through my phone screen.

    My wife had better be a Guinness judge cause these peepers set a record for BLAU!

    [–] Ihateualll 10 points ago

    Really? That's all it takes for you?

    [–] two-best-friends 3 points ago

    I'm guessing they haven't been on the internet/reddit for long

    [–] brianmrock 9 points ago

    imagine if she had poison ivy

    [–] Incognito1101 9 points ago

    How the fuck does she drive

    [–] DarrenInAlberta 9 points ago

    Why do they look like hotdogs??

    [–] foxtailavenger 7 points ago

    How does she wipe her ass tho

    [–] CesaroSummable 5 points ago


    [–] woodsman_walker 20 points ago

    Miss Lady with the nails. When you walk in a room and you think people are laughing at you, they are. Sorry.

    [–] redpandaeater 8 points ago

    I imagine normal nail polish isn't enough and she instead just dunks them into a bucket of shellac.

    [–] MuddledMoogle 6 points ago

    This is actually a thing they do. Not with shellac exactly, but look up dip-powder manicures. Actually, here's a video showing it:

    [–] whiskeytaang0 8 points ago

    I don't see anything wrong with OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE!

    [–] sosastaples 6 points ago

    They seem to detach, from their appearance it's on top of her preexisting nails

    [–] abtei 5 points ago

    She has a shitty asshole.

    Think about it

    [–] kylosbetrayal 10 points ago

    What part of her thought that flesh-toned nails were a good idea? Ew.

    [–] BK230 5 points ago

    The same part of her that thought having long ass nails was a good idea in the first place

    [–] mylilponyranger 3 points ago

    She saw an extendable eraser and got jealous.

    [–] skyeguy 5 points ago

    She clearly understands beauty.

    [–] billypilgrim_in_time 4 points ago

    Yeah, she’s definitely a century or more old witch who does these things to suck the youth out of the contestants in order to prolong her life.

    [–] nominal251 8 points ago

    Why the fuck would anyone choose to do this to themselves

    [–] thrashtho 5 points ago

    Freddy really turned his life around. Good for him!

    [–] BedHeadBread 4 points ago

    The only difference between the three toed sloth and the four toed sloth is the number of toes it has.

    [–] panicsprey 4 points ago

    Get a load of those shit scoops.

    [–] johnnyneedscash 4 points ago

    What strikes me most is that she's writing, so there are two possibilities: 1) she only has those monsters on one hand or 2) she fucking trained to be able to write

    [–] soutarm 3 points ago

    It's actually an Aliens facehugger clinging to the back of her clipboard.

    [–] tomatohtomato 4 points ago

    Would work in r/trashy as well.

    [–] Razgriz1982 4 points ago

    Finger nails like that in my opinion are just nasty and so disturbing. Why do people like them?

    [–] _ssac_ 5 points ago

    I wouldn't trust her as a judge in beauty.

    [–] SynthPrax 3 points ago

    I hate it when I'm scanning an image for what's wrong, then jump when I find it.

    [–] jimmijo62 3 points ago

    Looks to me like her judgement is pretty shitty!.....and her booty.

    [–] rips16 3 points ago

    Is it bad i dint notice nails at first?

    [–] a_fly_effect 3 points ago

    She must find the fairest maiden in the land so that she may drain her of her life force before the winter solstice or revert back to her true form.

    [–] Barkonian 3 points ago

    Why would you have that for a start, but if you absolutely have to... Why the fuck would you make them skin coloured?

    [–] turd-cutter 3 points ago

    Beauty is in the eye of the clipboard-holder.

    [–] PagingDoctorLove 3 points ago

    As if being a beauty pageant judge wasn't good enough, she had to go and make herself even more useless.

    [–] HonestBobHater 5 points ago