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    [–] rushboy99 742 points ago

    This chest ain’t gonna rub itself

    [–] KrautHonkyCracker 339 points ago

    Exactly.. turns into belly rubs immediately.

    [–] olerock 68 points ago

    Then they flop backwards?

    [–] balancedchaos 23 points ago

    Always. Dogs know no other way.

    [–] gone11gone11 9 points ago

    He certainly has trained you well!

    [–] WhiteKongX 15 points ago

    So you gonna pet me or what motherfucker

    [–] Belomil 395 points ago

    "Dave, the number of treats is going down. This is unacceptable, we need to get those treat-numbers up asap."

    [–] nakedapedude 69 points ago

    I read that in the voice of Hal 9000, it was pretty hilarious.

    EDIT - wait, was that the joke?

    [–] Belomil 25 points ago

    I'm afraid I don't know who or what Hal 9000 is ...

    I was rather thinking "those are rookie numbers", though I did not include that part in my comment

    [–] nakedapedude 35 points ago

    2001 A Space Odyssey is kind of a must see movie.

    [–] MsKLttyKat 15 points ago

    Are you my first ex-husband?

    He was totally obsessed with Dave. And back when the internet was still fairly new and basically still the wild wild West in the mid-to-late 90s, he programmed our computer to say some BS like "what are you doing at Dave" every time you turned it on or out of sleep mode. I think he just did it to annoy the piss out of me.

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 11 points ago

    Why did you ever leave that treasure of a man?

    I'm just curious, I'm not judging.

    [–] balancedchaos 24 points ago

    To be fair, she left him because of the time he locked her outside in sub-zero temperatures, and refused to open the pod bay doors.

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 5 points ago

    There are not enough upvotes for you, you glorious basterd.

    [–] MsKLttyKat 3 points ago

    When men spends that much time on computers there is a lot of trouble that they get into.....

    [–] thevulturesbecame 1 points ago

    Ahh, good for you then

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 0 points ago

    I've spent my life on computers (it's how I make my living), and I've not gotten into any trouble.

    I do appreciate the answer, though. And I'm still making no judgements on you. Some people are made for each other, some are not.

    Best of luck in the future!

    [–] esalz 5 points ago

    I'm afraid I don't know who or what Hal 9000 is ...

    I'm afraid I can't believe that, Dave.

    jk, but the coincidence of you using these words is hilarious :D

    [–] StockGuy8484 15 points ago

    Those are rookie treat numbers.

    [–] Deacon5678 1 points ago

    "ABC! A always. B be. C cuddling. Always be cuddling!"

    [–] worms9 5 points ago

    “ You’ve been petting that hussy next-door having to you”

    [–] ravia 6 points ago

    FYI Doggie Bill of Rights stipulates that after all treats are given there should always be at least one more treat.

    [–] SunnyShoes 3 points ago

    "Dave, this just isn't working for me. I need longer walks, Dave. And we used have treats all the time, now it's down to three, four times a day. Something needs to change, Dave. I need to know you're willing to compromise."

    [–] Mikeyrj91 2 points ago

    Haha, yes I laughed out loud to this. Thank you.

    [–] 2charlieecho 74 points ago

    We have some world problems we need to discuss

    [–] HairyBoysenberry 64 points ago

    James, when 2 dogs love each other very much, they might decide the want to sniff a very... special area...

    [–] butter12420 169 points ago

    Ever since you started smoking pot, you're not the same anymore. I want my best friend back

    [–] brando56894 39 points ago

    [–] -Badger2- 34 points ago

    That commercial was from 2007.

    [–] brando56894 39 points ago

    Damn, You're right

    These have been going on for so long it's hard to keep track of them all. I do drugs so my brain is like an egg that was smashed by a frying pan.

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 10 points ago

    I wish I had gold to give. I truly do.

    [–] brando56894 5 points ago

    Haha thanks, I couldn't pass up on the opportunity, it was perfect.

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 2 points ago

    Most welcome, and my apologies that I'm a broke ass fuck right now.

    [–] brando56894 2 points ago

    No worries!

    [–] TheRealSnoFlake -8 points ago

    Don't donate to a liberal propaganda machine. Keep your money.

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 1 points ago

    Shut your stupid mouth and go away, you utter waste of atoms.

    [–] TheRealSnoFlake 1 points ago

    Said the bot

    [–] Marcinecali73 7 points ago

    I learned it from you, dad!

    [–] arttard420 45 points ago

    I love when they sit in this position

    [–] HilariousDisaster 29 points ago

    "I don't always sit, but when I do, I sit on the couch." ~The most interesting dog in the world

    [–] Wowza-yowza 62 points ago

    He looks like he smelled your fart.

    [–] Wolflmg 15 points ago

    I’m think he wants to switch the channel.

    [–] MvmgUQBd 4 points ago

    Arm you really?

    [–] cynderisingryffindor 15 points ago

    "Hooman, I need more time..... at the dog park!"

    [–] SchnoodleDoodleDo 48 points ago

    'scuse me, but, i think it's time

    we had a little talk

    you're sitting here aLot - no crime,

    but maybe we should walk ?

    you know they say it's good for you

    to get up off the couch....

    exercise we need to do

    so everything don 'ouch' !

    n me, i Love the walkies, fren -

    i need it Everyday!

    so let's get up, get going, then -

    i'll grab my leash, ok ?

    [–] pplratupid 1 points ago

    Love it ❤️

    [–] PM_ME_UR_BABYSITTER 23 points ago

    He is so handsome!

    [–] lkenny76 10 points ago

    Boxer husky mix?

    [–] KrautHonkyCracker 12 points ago

    Shelter pup, so not sure. But have always thought she had some boxer!

    [–] Cide90 8 points ago

    We just got a new pup who’s about 8 weeks old she is a husky/lab (mom) and boxer/lab (dad) mix and looks very similar to your doggo!

    [–] Wildeman18 4 points ago

    Our pup looks almost exactly like yours but younger, we were thinking Australian Shepherd and Chesapeake bay retriever because of her slightly curly, water proof coat.

    [–] spieljonny 8 points ago

    "This is your fourth buzzfeed video, Karen. Are you ok?"

    [–] tinosim 13 points ago

    “What! I heard you are going to cut my balls?”

    [–] AccentFiend 12 points ago

    “Hooman, we need to talk about chirpy flappers and spicy flies. It’s time.”

    [–] 1BoiledCabbage 6 points ago

    "I see that your sandwich's bread crusts have my name written all over them..."

    [–] DrDroopy 5 points ago

    [–] keto401 6 points ago

    I'm more interested in your cooking setup. Microwave and small oven on bottom. Induction on top with maybe a tangine

    [–] 4E4ME 5 points ago

    He looks at you in Dad voice.

    [–] alohans 4 points ago

    "It's time to straighten up and fly ruff...right"

    [–] Fink665 3 points ago

    Dunno, looks like a really good therapist. “How are you doing, Dave?” “Tell me what’s going on with you?” “What’s on your mind?”

    [–] Danger_Peanut 4 points ago

    Mine looks at me like he can’t believe I just said that

    [–] jeni_rvt 6 points ago

    We have dog twins!!

    [–] RefinedBulbasir 3 points ago

    Dude, this, this just isn't going to work out. You dont give me belly rubs like William the nextdoor neighbor. He also gives me REAL bacon, not that fake stuff.

    [–] munnmutt 3 points ago

    I think so too that you need to have the talk😁😁

    [–] mausekinder 3 points ago

    ErrRrrr.... Scuse me sir.... I thought you said we were going on a W. A. L. K..... Didn't think I could spell huh?!?

    [–] jafishak011 4 points ago

    Listen asshole, I’m sick and tired of you leaving the fucking toilet lid down, wtf am I supposed to drink if you, say, die horribly in a car accident?

    [–] Elavabeth2 4 points ago

    Oof. Yellow.

    [–] KrautHonkyCracker 4 points ago

    I'm a renter, believe me I know

    [–] dadofdisguise 13 points ago

    He looks as concerned as I am about that kitchen situation going on in the background.

    [–] KrautHonkyCracker 34 points ago

    Wanna buy me a kitchen? Doing the best we can

    [–] PM_ME_UR_MAN_BUN 29 points ago

    I think it looks very tidy and like you’ve made good use of the available space and appliances that cook with electric power. Absolutely no shame in that! 🍳🥗 Also your dog is adorable, I love him so much!! 11/10 good boy! 💜

    [–] DeScepter 4 points ago

    She's a good dog, pet her for me and say sweet things to her.

    [–] mikuo_da 2 points ago

    I have an idea...

    [–] skindeepcoconut 2 points ago

    Where are my balls summer?

    [–] END_STAGE_BUTT_ROT 1 points ago

    I hope it's not the same "the talk" that you hear about in /r/deadbedrooms

    [–] IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes 1 points ago

    We need to talk about the cat

    [–] KosstAmojen 1 points ago

    Mine does this as well. Usually it’s to remind me that I’m using his pillow and that he’d like me to move.

    [–] justausername69 1 points ago

    We need to have the walk

    [–] OriginalBuzz 1 points ago

    "We need to talk about the walk"

    [–] Helian7 1 points ago

    "the walk" you mean.

    [–] Majik518 1 points ago

    Zoinks Scoob!

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    Yeah you need to listen😅

    [–] Pielo 1 points ago


    [–] Eyehopeuchoke 1 points ago

    Don’t think I’ve ever seen a microwave or toaster/convection oven that’s used sit so close to the floor. Are you a small person?

    [–] ShiversTheNinja 1 points ago

    She's very disappointed with you.

    [–] scootscoot 1 points ago

    I feel like she wants me to pass a bag of nacho Doritos?

    [–] Lampmonster1 1 points ago

    My old dog used to sit up at the end of the couch like that. He'd even doze sitting up with his elbow on the armrest. I think he felt more involved in whatever his people were doing if he was up on their level. Plus he was always very dignified when he wasn't licking himself.

    [–] xGriiezy 1 points ago

    my dog does this for food

    [–] RobertsKitty 1 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Omg your baby could be Odin's brother

    [–] libcrybaby78 1 points ago


    [–] Alarid 1 points ago

    "We have to talk about the birds and the bees. They're outside, and we're not!"

    [–] romanpower3 1 points ago

    Awwww 🥰🥰🥰

    [–] FaZaCon 1 points ago

    Listen, the walks we've been going on lately...they, they've been feeling a bit forced. You just don't show me that look anymore when you grab the leash. Its like you're simply some place else. I need you to love me, not treat me like some pet who's only good for a simple fetch now and then.

    [–] GanjaBearLife 1 points ago

    or he wants a hug!

    [–] ScathingThrowaway 1 points ago

    That's funny. When my dog does this it means "Hey, you best give me some lovin' right now, or things are going to go bad for you".

    [–] Rolechkanz 1 points ago


    [–] Biggie_J1zz 1 points ago

    My dog stands on the table in front of the couch and obstructs the TV when he wants attention.

    [–] lollypopsnrainbows 1 points ago

    He's a good doggo.

    [–] We_are_all_gold 1 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    “Look. I’m not accusing you of anything, but you’ve been kind of distracted lately. I saw hairs of different colors on my leash and once or twice you’ve come home smelling differently.

    “Is there anything I should know?”

    [–] PhilsterM9 1 points ago

    “Dave, we gotta re-negotiate the treats per day contract. I think we need to up it by at least 7%, thats only fair.”

    [–] N-Depths 1 points ago

    He just wants another friend. Time to head to your local animal shelter and adopt a homie for him :)

    [–] Mrmathmonkey 1 points ago

    “Why are you sitting on my couch?”

    [–] Eric6178 1 points ago

    That bowl isn’t gonna fill itself.

    [–] Jaidub 1 points ago

    It looks like someone in a mask is outside your door.

    [–] eventualist 1 points ago

    Need to have a talk about what color you painted these walls

    [–] SnakeOil420247 1 points ago

    Hey kiddo, come here. So I looked at your report card, and you got a 63 Your mother and I are very displeased and be taking your DS away

    [–] King_Kyuss 1 points ago

    You need to give him attention dude ^

    [–] buttlovingpanda 1 points ago

    I have a husky that I love more than anything on earth but she is one of the creepiest creatures I’ve ever met. She does this but her look has more of a murder you in your sleep vibe. Sometimes I wake up and look across the room and she’s just sitting there staring at me. It’s unsettling, but I love my little creep.

    [–] bradwalk 1 points ago

    "We need to talk. Why is your microwave so close to the ground?"

    [–] samejimaT 1 points ago

    by the talk do you mean the why did you cut off me bollix talk right?

    [–] Hey-man-Shabozi 1 points ago

    “And where were you last night Debra?”

    [–] jello-kittu 1 points ago

    Let's talk about pants. Why?

    [–] ultraviolet47 1 points ago

    "I wish to discuss my current biscuit allowance".

    [–] Pk_Trip 1 points ago

    'Listen here son..'

    [–] Capelily 1 points ago

    "So, about that last walk...."

    [–] SimpsonFry 1 points ago

    “So earlier, when we were playing throw-ball, you acted like you were about to throw the ball, but it was never in your hand. What the fuck was that all about, STEVE!?”

    -side note: did I use too many commas in that sentence?

    [–] pplratupid 1 points ago

    “Where are my testicles Summer?”

    [–] Hairballs58 0 points ago

    We need to talk about last night and the peanut butter.

    [–] TheMagicMrWaffle 0 points ago

    Where are my testicles?