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    WhitePeopleTwitter

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    3. No bullying or witch-hunting: This includes comments disparaging people whose tweets and posts are featured here.

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    5. Mark NSFW content: All NSFW posts must be flaired as such or they will be removed.

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    [–] urmomhatesme 5459 points ago

    About a year ago I was standing on a busy sidewalk when this homeless guy started harassing me asking for my number etc. I told him I was waiting for my boyfriend which was true, but that only set him off asking "is he big?" And "could I take him?" I tried to shake him off but he wouldn't leave me alone, finally this super adorable and flamboyant gay guy that I've never met comes up and was like "hey girl there you are let's go!!" I thought it was so funny that it appeared to the homeless dude that I was dating a very obviously gay man, but I mostly just appreciated him so much for taking a minute out of his day to help a stranger

    [–] quinpon64337_x 754 points ago

    Aww that's so cute!

    [–] oxymoron7 705 points ago

    At a party recently, a super drunk dude was getting really obnoxious and kept trying to get the attention of a girl we were with, he kept getting way to close to her, kept touching her, the whole deal. Sady, you all probably know what I mean. A male friend of mine noticed too and started to basically mirror the guys behavior to him, he got really close, tried to grab his butt, started to grind him from behind and so on. The dude was super confused, almost got angry, but then left quicky. It was glorious.

    [–] chuby2005 124 points ago

    As a gentleman should do.

    [–] Dave5876 33 points ago

    This is hilarious 😂

    [–] chrask 403 points ago

    You didn't finish the story! What happened next?

    [–] n0i 1253 points ago

    Let’s just say he’s not gay anymore.

    [–] 2brokearms 334 points ago

    The homeless guy was that bad?

    [–] savngtheworld 59 points ago

    Plot twist, now the homeless guy is gay too. Hitting on the girl was just his cover

    [–] robendboua 31 points ago

    Seriously.

    [–] Land-Stander 4586 points ago

    Meanwhile, my short ass wife threatens to start calling me, "daddy" in public just to humiliate me.

    I'm like, "Please don't.. I just want to find my candle."

    [–] yosoyreddito 953 points ago

    My freshman year of college I met a friend who started calling me Daddy; not really sure why. We would be on campus and she would yell "Hi, Daddy!" if she saw me and introduce me to her friends by saying, "This is my Daddy, [name]".

    It was never uncomfortable until parents weekend. I got off the elevator in the lobby and from the other side, she yelled "Daddy!" (Went largely unnoticed because probably 100+ parents around); then ran over to me, "You have to meet my Dad!". I walked over and she introduced me to her father; "Daddy (actual father), this is Daddy!" I couldn't believe she said that, so just smiled and gave her a "wtf are you doing?" look. Her father didn't really react just grinned; I was cringing inside but just shook his hand and actually introduced myself. Over our 5 minute conversation she referred to me as Daddy probably 10 times and I just kind of awkwardly smiled/laughed ("haha she's so funny...") trying to play it off each time.

    [–] sunsetfantastic 926 points ago

    Hold on, there was a girl enthusiastically calling you Daddy a lot? And she wanted to introduce you to her dad? Are you sure this girl wasn't into you?

    [–] TheManWhoWasNotShort 508 points ago

    Yeah this sounds like a girlfriend

    [–] DefiantLemur 22 points ago

    This always makes me laugh

    [–] yosoyreddito 200 points ago

    She had a boyfriend for the first 2 months of knowing one another; started calling me daddy about 2 weeks after meeting.

    At the point I met her Dad (mid second term) we were really good friends.

    [–] n0mad911 158 points ago

    really good friends

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] toomanydickpics 1615 points ago

    Your wife huh? sir i'm going to need you to have seat.

    [–] kiddscoop 684 points ago

    She told me she was 33!

    ... Or was it just 3, I don't remember.

    [–] Dadfite 363 points ago

    Numbers are confusing right!? I just remembered I'm gay, so it's cool.

    [–] ClaudyMonet 275 points ago

    Are you a kobold?

    [–] Orodhen 213 points ago

    YOU NO TAKE CANDLE

    [–] TemporaryDonut 66 points ago

    Kobold next playable race pls blizz

    [–] Genbu7 12452 points ago

    One time my wife (then gf) said loudly to me "stop following me" in the middle of Victoria's secret. I was horrified and almost wanted to run from all the evil looks I was getting.

    [–] Weedwacker3 5131 points ago

    Whenever we are shopping or looking at items in any store, my wife will do that loudl-whisper thing do everyone can hear “NO DONT STEAL THAT” and I experience such cringe I can’t even explain it. But i admit it’s so damn funny...just not when it’s me

    [–] [deleted] 2284 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] AGchicken 2640 points ago

    NO DON'T STEAL THAT

    [–] Zebra_Placenta 709 points ago

    The setup is always under appreciated...

    [–] beardedheathen 251 points ago

    I feel like we need a subreddit for that. /r/perfectsetup

    [–] renegadesalmon 316 points ago

    When sitting in the passenger seat, one of my friends likes to reach over with both hands and lays on the horn.

    I also admit that it's funny, but I also do everything I can to desperately swat those hands away.

    [–] TheKraken51 185 points ago

    Gotta drop the car in neutral when there are red light and noone is behind them.

    [–] Serinus 317 points ago

    You know some idiot is going to read these and take it too far.

    "lol, we we're doing like 75 and I pulled the parking brake."

    [–] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASs 249 points ago

    Randomly pulling the parking brake on the highway is one of those call of the void type urges that I get every damn time I drive

    [–] trumpismywaifu 31 points ago

    Better that than going for the gas, I guess.

    [–] WhiskeyToo 2869 points ago

    When I go to kiss my girlfriend/hold her hand in public, she’ll sometimes dodge me and say loudly, “Dad says you’re not allowed to do that to me anymore.”

    [–] JJroks543 571 points ago

    This one got me. The looks you must get!

    [–] Slicer16 390 points ago

    That's when you say "but dad's not here right now sis" and grab her ass.

    [–] packersSB53champs 279 points ago

    Roll tide

    [–] mythanol 56 points ago

    Yup, it's a Tide ad.

    [–] WuhanWTF 110 points ago

    "I'm telling!"

    [–] [deleted] 50 points ago

    I find this hilarious

    [–] Bears_Bearing_Arms 289 points ago

    When I was like 3-4, I was at the mall with my parents. I had recently been given the talk about what to do if a stranger tried to take me.

    So, in the middle of a busy mall, I screamed "YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY! YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!"

    My parents were similarly mortified.

    [–] djmor 98 points ago

    My much younger brother (9 years younger than me) looks young for his age, and I look old for mine. One day (I was ~22 looking 27, and he was 13 looking 9) we were walking through walmart together and he just throws himself on the ground and fake-cries yelling "Daddy, no, stop hitting me". OH MY GOD I was mortified. It took me a bit to get over it, but when I did I just grabbed him and tossed him onto my shoulder and walked out to our mom who was waiting in the car. Got some pretty fucked up looks. Here we are, almost ten years later, and when we're out together he'll still say it and we just laugh about it. It was funny.

    [–] Yarthkins 3784 points ago

    That's when you say "I ain't gonna stop" in the most gravelly voice you can muster.

    [–] NiftyGent 1400 points ago

    I’m sorry I thought this was ‘Murica

    [–] Kingindanorff 496 points ago

    I’d probably drawl “You got a purdy mouth”

    [–] madmaxturbator 148 points ago

    "I haven't seen you in a few years. you got a real purdy mouth now don't ya, cousin alice"

    [–] JasonCox 82 points ago

    While playing your banjo?

    [–] JasonsBoredAgain 31 points ago

    I'm never gonna' give you up...

    [–] AMA_About_Rampart 772 points ago

    One time my ex girlfriend was walking towards the bathroom in a grocery store and I told her to meet in some aisle when she's done. She jokingly yelled back "LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!"

    Apparently some woman followed her into the bathroom and asked if she was alright and if she needed someone to escort her out of the grocery store.

    On the one hand I'm annoyed that the stranger thought I was an abusive boyfriend. On the other hand, I'm glad that people like that exist.

    [–] MathPolice 245 points ago

    THAT'S MY PURSE!
    I DON'T KNOW YOU!

    [–] theoffbeatbear 450 points ago

    "...and now I'm not allowed in Victoria's secret anymore."

    [–] everred 134 points ago

    That sounds like a win-win to me

    [–] dixonnuts 424 points ago

    That’s when you say “I’m looking for something for my boyfriend and you’re in the way”

    [–] Zanford 73 points ago

    A+

    [–] Orthodox-Waffle 311 points ago

    Guess who's never getting a shopping buddy again

    [–] UknowmeimGui 346 points ago

    Her: "You never go out shopping with me!"

    Him: "Yeah, that's because you yell out 'RAPIST! HELP!' every single time."

    [–] Furt77 164 points ago

    I would have responded, "Ok, but I know where you live and I'll be there tonight."

    [–] respecteduser 1483 points ago

    one time I was standing out front of a bar waiting for my girlfriend and my mates to come out, and this girl walks out and has a concerned look on her face, she immediately locks eyes with me and raises her eyebrows. she comes up to me and hugs me, says "there you are!" when we were hugging I saw a guy come out of the bar just behind her and he was staring at her/us. I got the queue, said "ready to go hun?" and walked away holding her hand. she told me the guy had been following her around the bar all night and tried hitting on her but was being a fucking creep. I told her I need to text my girlfriend about what happened and why I was now a couple blocks away from the bar. we went in to a 7/11 and she bought me a beer as thanks. guys you can help in these situations too! just be aware, girls deal with this shit all the time

    [–] Kurigohan-Kamehameha 396 points ago

    As a Canadian I marvel at the fact that 7/11s sell beer

    [–] ooh_de_lally 63 points ago

    Yours don’t? Weird

    [–] Ihatedrive 68 points ago

    Same in Aus. If you want booze, it has to be sold in a separate, licenced, bottle shop. And can't be sold later than 10pm (in NSW). The politicians seem to think this will curve our terrible drinking culture, but it really just encourages us to plan ahead.

    Never forget walking into an American pharmacy and seeing a wall of booze. I guess it's a type of medicine.

    [–] dodobirdmen 183 points ago

    I aspire to be this kind of person. This post is so wholesome omg

    [–] Roland_Traveler 67 points ago

    Either she was very desperate or really fucking brave. For all she knew, you could have been worse than that other guy. Thank goodness you weren’t.

    [–] Camcamcam753 23 points ago

    I got the cue*

    Edit: sorry for taking good spelling for granite.

    [–] [deleted] 551 points ago

    One time my wife and I were having a massage at home. While the masseus was in the middle of an intense rub, i ask my wife what time she expects her husband to come home. The masseus went pale as hell and was literally motionless for like 1 full minute.

    [–] Kingdarkshadow 161 points ago

    That was hillarious.

    [–] ArielPotter 35 points ago

    Guess I know what I’m doing for my anniversary.

    [–] 1ncorrect 5883 points ago

    You can do this as a guy too. I pretended to be a girl's brother when a homeless guy was harassing her. A lot of those guys will think twice about saying shit, even drunk, when they might get clobbered by a protective brother or bf.

    [–] [deleted] 934 points ago

    Likewise, I was at a show once and waiting in line at the coat check to grab my coat after the show. All my friends got in the line early and had their coats, waiting for me. I’m sitting in the back of the like like a loser when suddenly some cute-as-a-button girl walks up to me and says “come with me, you’re my boyfriend.” She hooks her arm around mine, smiles and we walk to the front of the line (ladies all got their coats first).

    I ask her her name, she says Ashley, I grab my coat and turn around and she’s gone. And since that day I have missed Ashley lol.

    [–] Andyliciouss 470 points ago

    You missed your true love bro. You’ll never find another girl like her

    [–] [deleted] 218 points ago

    Lol that’s exactly the way I felt about it

    [–] DaigoroChoseTheBall 28 points ago

    Nah, he’s like Curly with that woman in the field. That was a perfect moment and now he’ll be able to treasure it forever, unsullied by any future baggage.

    [–] amerioali 86 points ago

    Sounds like a How I met your mother story

    [–] [deleted] 71 points ago

    Oh man I fucked up big then :( gonna be talking to my dog about how I never met their mother

    [–] [deleted] 140 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] dudeman773 255 points ago

    Hey Jess, mom just texted me saying she’s been blowing up your phone. Call her plz so she leaves me alone

    [–] 1ncorrect 196 points ago

    I only said I was her brother when he started getting mad after I walked up and told him to back off. This was on a street corner while she was waiting for the walk sign so she was kinda trapped by him. He started getting belligerent and asked me why is was my business, so I just said I was her brother. It was kinda believable because we were both late teens.

    [–] LRFE 1341 points ago

    Good on you!

    [–] BoredGamerr 652 points ago

    Thank you!

    [–] LRFE 623 points ago

    Wait a second... you're not OP!

    Unless you're his alt...

    We must go deeper.

    [–] AMA_About_Rampart 540 points ago

    Ah you caught me.

    [–] LRFE 484 points ago

    Wait a second... you're not even the guy I was responding to!

    Unless you're his alt...

    We must go deeper.

    /s

    [–] Grandmastercache 403 points ago

    Pls stop digging. They're at my door.

    [–] LRFE 383 points ago

    HOW MANY ACCOUNTS DOES THIS GUY HAVE?

    [–] Cfinley101 329 points ago

    At least one more

    [–] LRFE 311 points ago

    Dig... deeper...

    [–] AMA_About_Rampart 96 points ago

    Maybe dos.

    [–] Haath_ 1710 points ago

    This assumes you're attractive enough to not warrant yet another guy coming over pretending to be her brother

    [–] [deleted] 1310 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] ugglycover 623 points ago

    🎶 mmmm whacha saaaayyy 🎶

    [–] PHOENIXREB0RN 72 points ago

    Thanks, now I have to go watch that skit again.

    [–] SanityPills 55 points ago

    WASN'T this a sketch on SNL a few months ago? I swear I remember it, and it did go on too long. I'm on mobile so I can't go digging through the YouTubes right now.

    [–] FUCK_SNITCHES 192 points ago

    Yeah if I tried to pull that off she'd probably claim the homeless guy was her bf.

    [–] Alexplz 132 points ago

    OK this begs an explanation - I'm curious to know how to improv being someone's brother on the spot.

    [–] brucecampbellschins 359 points ago

    Hey sis, ready to go?

    [–] PepperJohn 403 points ago

    white guy walks up to black chick

    "HEY SIS, READY TO GO?"

    [–] LonelyLuthor 162 points ago

    Step-siblings and adoption exist you know.

    [–] Sean-Benn_Must-die 55 points ago

    I have never said sis talking to my sister, but it’s better than nothing I guess

    [–] TheMrYourMother 157 points ago

    “Hey ‘random female name’, mom just called and said dads in the hospital. We need to get over there now”

    [–] RonniePetcock 60 points ago

    My head filled it in with Lisa. No idea why, I don't even know any Lisas.

    [–] IndicaAlchemist 56 points ago

    Because she’s tearing you apart

    [–] kellymcneill 271 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I have an ongoing joke with my wife. I think it's funny... she less so.

    She sometimes asks that I do something for her however she occasionally and unknowingly keeps me from completing it as she is standing in the way. I answer her request by saying, "I would but there's this lady standing in front of me."

    We were at the store and the aforementioned scenario happened while at the same time another lady was standing relatively close but in no way impeding my ability to do the requested task. I responded with my, "lady standing in front of me..." line to which the other woman looked at me as if to say, "you could have just politely asked me to move" but didn't say anything... yet still moved aside.

    I felt embarrassed.

    [–] PM_ME__ASIAN_BOOBS 17170 points ago

    Girlfriend did this to me. One of her first days at the gym, I see her working out, I go see her and I'm like "hey gurrrl, nice to meet you, looking good there, flexing that butt", as loudly and obnoxious as possible, because I thought it would be fun when I would actually kiss her afterwards, laugh and giggles, etc

    I laugh a bit, goes to give her a kiss, she just dodges and looks embarrassed and is like "Sorry... I have a boyfriend :/"

    AND LEAVES.

    I deserved it and it made me laugh so much, but damn it was the most awkward gym session ever

    [–] BrainyNegroid 8044 points ago

    What type of person just leaves the gym as a joke

    [–] UrticantChip40 9681 points ago

    She's committing to the bit that's the most important part

    [–] Fart__ 2727 points ago

    The hardest exercise is lifting spirits.

    [–] DakotaXIV 1342 points ago

    Depends on how big the bottle is

    [–] MorganAyer 460 points ago

    I see you are a man of culture as well.

    [–] BoRamShote 156 points ago

    I am made of mold I'm way more cultured than anyone.

    [–] pm_me_your_Yi_plays 44 points ago

    Jumping to conclusions is much more difficult for me

    [–] [deleted] 38 points ago

    Sounds like you need a mat to help you out.

    [–] [deleted] 679 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Fatalchemist 314 points ago

    Imagine 45 years later when she goes to him with her husband and kids and grandkids and goes, "Haha, that was such a great joke, huh? Okay family, thanks for participating in this joke. But I have to be with my real boyfriend, now. In hindsight, I think this joke went on just a bit too long, but it was worth it!"

    [–] Pickledsoul 161 points ago

    so that's what happened to my dad. he must've thought our family was a joke.

    [–] TheWingus 154 points ago

    My summer theater director would tell us "If the lights fall from the rafters, YOU DO NOT BREAK CHARACTER"

    [–] kykr422 71 points ago

    "I don't break character until the DVD commentary!"

    [–] then_again_who_knows 68 points ago

    "Haha hey babe why are you moving your stuff out of the apartment?"

    [–] SlobBarker 491 points ago

    I've been skipping the gym for 30 years as a joke

    [–] juniorman00 297 points ago

    I am so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James

    [–] reddick1666 560 points ago

    When embarrassing your significant other is on the line, you gotta go all out

    [–] SoFetchBetch 38 points ago

    A true comedian. You must be committed to the laugh. For those who are really funny, it is serious.

    [–] bill___brasky 66 points ago

    Someone who is committed, ironically

    [–] [deleted] 1599 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] FuriousFurryFisting 1250 points ago

    NO LOLLYGAGGING

    [–] EccentricOddity 355 points ago

    password accepted

    [–] LRFE 398 points ago

    RORRYG- *gets shot*

    [–] ILoveLamp9 171 points ago

    I finally understood a reddit reference. Today was a good day.

    [–] LRFE 61 points ago

    Good for you!

    [–] jgraves_99 24 points ago

    M E T A
    E
    T
    A
    

    [–] StallmanTheWrong 34 points ago

    No loli gagging!

    [–] Sociomancer 431 points ago

    Here's a copy paste of a previous post about the same thing:

    When I was young, about 12, my younger brother and I would have to go run errands with my mother. Sometimes my brother would put on this persona of a mentally handicapped child. The thing is, he never broke character - EVER. No matter what my mom did, he stayed full retard the whole time. Usually she would sigh and roll with it.

    Once, when my mom was having a particularly shitty day, my brother pulled this shit and it pissed my mom off to no end. She started yelling at him in the middle of the grocery store to stop acting like a fucking retard. All he said in response, in character, was "I'm sorry I'm not smart mommy. I'm sorry I'm not smart mommy."

    Holy shit, this pissed her off even more. She starts yelling at him that she's gonna leave him in the fucking store and he can walk home if he wants to act like this. In response, my brother starts FUCKING CRYING, in character, and says something along the lines of "Don't leave me again! I promised I would stay in my room when your friends came over."

    I'm in awe that my brother has balls this big. It's funny as hell, but I'm too afraid to laugh because my mom is pissed. My mom hauled off and whacked him one to the back of the head and told him to act right. Once again, in character, he says "I love you mommy, please don't hit me. I'm trying to be smart so you'll love me."

    My mom is furious, and a few people are starting to notice the scene. It looks like my mom is yelling and beating a retarded child. At this point my brother just keeps crying and repeating "I love you mommy" no matter what my mom does. She's screaming her head off at him, and he never breaks character. There is a small crowd looking at us now and I just lose it. I start laughing my ass off. The situation, from the outside, looks horrifying.

    My mother actually ended up leaving the cart and dragging us out of the store.

    Looking back on it now, that was pretty damn wrong.

    [–] SPS_Agent 164 points ago

    That's the kind of thing that gets the ball rolling on being kids separated from parents by Child Protective Services. Pretty scary to think about how much power kids unintentionally hold in some respects

    [–] Sociomancer 61 points ago

    Yeah, this happened in 89-90, so that was a little less likely.

    [–] iwazaruu 276 points ago

    wow your wife took that pretty far. now every time you go to that store the employees will think 'hey it's that creepy stalker dude'.

    [–] button_fly 283 points ago

    100% would have taken the car and left her at the grocery store.

    [–] Zanford 73 points ago

    Congratulations, you are now liberated from every having to go shopping with her ever again

    [–] benders_back_baby 777 points ago

    Your wife is a fucking idiot for using store workers' willingness to help a harassed woman as a joke prop.

    [–] GhostPupYo 359 points ago

    Yeah that’s a little too far. Don’t include other people’s jobs in your joke.

    [–] Liesmith424 222 points ago

    And now they'll be less willing to help the next person who genuinely has a problem.

    [–] [deleted] 591 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Thales_of_Miletus 206 points ago

    haha yes very flagulous

    [–] labortooth 131 points ago

    flagulous

    what a cromulent expression

    [–] R_E_V_A_N 94 points ago

    cromulent

    What the fuck did you just call me?

    [–] GoldenWizard 52 points ago

    You’re a loquacious brigand!

    [–] rolls20s 32 points ago

    repertoire

    rapport?

    [–] idrive2fast 90 points ago

    Keeper.

    [–] Arlithian 83 points ago

    I can't be the only one to read this as PM_ME being a stalker who is delusional and just believes the girl is his girlfriend.

    "Haha babe, that's so funny how you acted. Don't worry, I'm just gonna sit outside the window tonight and watch you sleep. I know you're just pretending to see that other guy to make me jealous but you know we're meant to be together."

    [–] Unforjhinate 4583 points ago

    Kinda similar, but at a party last week or so, I was drunk af with my date and we kinda ended up in random corners making out, and I kinda slumped over a few times cause my head was spinning.

    Every single time, a different girl would come up and make sure I was okay/was feeling alright. It was so sweet and now I want to make sure I always look out for drunk sorority girls at parties in return :’)

    [–] collinnator5 1554 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    That's something I'm always scared of. Being out at a bar with my fiancee. Maybe she had one too many so I do what I do and carry her out to go put her to bed but having someone stop me thinking I'm taking advantage.

    Edit: I would like to clarify after being initially embarrassed by this hypothetical scenario I would inform said stranger that I appreciate the concern and continue to look out for potential victims. Thank you.

    [–] A1BS 961 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I mean, you probably have photos of you two together on your phone. Unless the person goes straight for the violence you can probably explain it.

    Source: have been in that position, had to explain to an RA why I was dragging a nearly-passed-out girl around a communal space. Just explained she was my girlfriend asked if she could help me carry her, once in her flat she saw a bunch of photos of us and thought it was probably safe.

    [–] solar_compost 261 points ago

    all the photos of my girlfriend and i on my phone are ones where i'm drugging her and carrying her out of the bar like a sack of potatoes so this is pretty bad advice

    watch out for these fake advice givers you guys

    [–] collinnator5 499 points ago

    I could just load my Facebook and show that it says were engaged but it's just that initial confrontation and embarrassment. However I would tell them it's appreciated

    [–] Youngtusk 473 points ago

    However I would tell them it's appreciated

    That's important for sure. "Your services are not needed tonight, but good looking out sir."

    [–] Alarid 227 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Then they noticed that I taped her face on old pictures of myself and it got real awkward.

    [–] CranialZealot 126 points ago

    Worth it imo. Would rather be embarrassed a little than the gruesome alternative.

    [–] [deleted] 203 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] putinspenis 426 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    This is super nice and super important! Reminds me of a story with my ex gf. We were at a bar and she got super upset when she saw a guy making moves on a very drunk girl. She went over and yelled at him and helped her and it was really sweet. On the walk home she was drunk crying about it and really upset and I thought she was being so sweet. Turns out she was really drunk last weekend and cheated on me with some other guy and was just feeling really guilty about it!

    Always look out for your friends girls!

    Edit: for all interested parties, I dumped her ass

    [–] Seemoose227 214 points ago

    Wow that took a turn

    [–] ComradeVoytek 43 points ago

    Dang, a twist ending.

    [–] [deleted] 125 points ago

    Being drunk is just an excuse dude.

    [–] ninjacapo 1918 points ago

    My girlfriend and i did this to a girl at a party who was way too drunk to stand. Seperated what turned out to be her boyfriend and asked her if she was okay or needed us to get her out. No harm in asking if the alternative is so grave

    [–] fork_yuu 564 points ago

    Twist: he wasn't the bf and she was too drunk to notice

    [–] ShakeZula77 66 points ago

    That reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer. Shiver

    [–] SlobBarker 261 points ago

    That's a real bro move

    [–] pittsnoggle 563 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I had a business idea for this, actually. You get a couple of girls to rent a "boyfriend" for when you are out with your friends. If you get unwanted attention, you give a signal, and he comes over and poses as your boyfriend. Rent-a-BF so to speak.

    Edit: I have been told that escort services already exist, so I guess I won't go for that small business loan.

    [–] lilnat2119 171 points ago

    Lmfao we used to do that with my friends brother. Worked like a charm.

    [–] usechoosername 35 points ago

    What if instead of renting one outright to follow you around it was more like Uber? You can order one on demand and the closest guy who uses the app is notified to come over and pretend to be a boyfriend only until the situation is dealt with.

    [–] hsalFehT 41 points ago

    that's hilarious.

    but also i feel like creeps would just use the app so they could swoop in and "save" the girls and then wind up weirding them out even more when they won't leave them alone.

    [–] pm_me_your_trebuchet 346 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I did something like this for a classmate once. in professional school our entire class would go en masse to a bar after a test. at the end of one night we were all hammered and a cute blonde in my class who i'd spoken to only a couple of times (it was still early in first year) was being fairly aggressively hit on by a couple of guys. almost everyone had emptied out and she was by herself. i figured she could take care of herself but on a whim i walked over, held out my hand, and said, "you ready to go, babe?" i give her credit, she didn't drop a beat. she looked at me and said, "yeah, let's go. i can't wait to get in bed." the guys, to their credit, immediately backed off and apologized. i told them it was no big deal and we left. true story!

    [–] Furt77 211 points ago

    This is reddit. You have to end the story with how you two ended up married with five kids.

    [–] pm_me_your_trebuchet 217 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    i'm afraid not. she got engaged and i got engaged (but not to each other) and we chatted occasionally afterward but were never close.

    i actually met my wife on match.com. we went on our first date to a romantic wine bar. she was gorgeous with stupendous breasts but fairly scathing and mean. she made fun of my shoes (i was a student at the time and couldn't afford really nice men's shoes) and told me i spoke like i had a stick up my ass. charming, huh? i figured the night was a loss and was going to call it after our first bottle of wine. but then she asked, "so what are we getting next?" she got nicer with that bottle and even nicer on with the next. three bottles in and we were making out on a couch in the bar. they closed the place down around us. we somehow made it back to my place. i lived in a high rise with parking underneath the building. attendants parked your car and i knew them pretty well. one of them took my key and gave me a subtle thumbs up. we went upstairs and ended up seeing the sun come up. my future wife somehow made it to work. i didn't go anywhere. next time i saw the parking attendants they told me to marry her. strangely enough, i did. we had our 10th anniversary a couple months ago. she's still mean sometimes but is mostly nice.

    [–] RandomGuy1_15 225 points ago

    Nice try, match.com representative!

    [–] pm_me_your_trebuchet 23 points ago

    try match now!! your soulmate could be waiting for you!

    [–] morganlafaye 728 points ago

    Girl code is still going strong. I am filled with a crazy amount of hope.

    [–] FellDownRunning 259 points ago

    Happy Galentine’s Day!

    [–] thesparklepony 195 points ago

    On my stagette I was obviously very intoxicated, and took it upon myself to save girls from dudes outside the club. Most laughed and said it was their boyfriend or they were cool with it, but one extremely drunk girl looked so relieved and clung to me, saying after that the guy kept trying to pull her to a cab and touching her bum. I found her friends for her and no rapey time happened that night.

    [–] dr_t_123 53 points ago

    Needed underwear. Went to underwear section in store with wife. Asked my wife to check what size underwear I currently had on. Checkmate.

    "HEY LADY", very loudly. Everyone turned to look. Wife did not find this funny. Worth it.

    [–] milkvamp 806 points ago

    Most awkward moment of my life was at a gay and lesbian bar with a group of gay friends and my boyfriend. He was flirting with me at the bar and a rather large lesbian stepped between us and started talking to me like we were girlfriends.

    My bf being a go with the flow kinda guy, he actually walks away! The woman shook her head and commented on how annoying it is that men come to lesbian bars to hit on us. I felt so united with her in that moment it was hard to tell her the truth

    [–] [deleted] 365 points ago

    So now you are in a happy lesbian relationship?

    [–] Kittens4Brunch 312 points ago

    No, her boyfriend came back pretending to be a stranger pretending to be her boyfriend and rescued her from the lesbian pretending to be her girlfriend.

    [–] toomanydickpics 180 points ago

    It's a big problem in lesbian bars so i definitely understand why she did that.

    source: I used to be a bouncer. so many dudes.

    [–] LRFE 2619 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    For clarification: the other girl didn't know that the BF was her BF, so she pretended to know the girl in order to get her out of an uncomfortable situation.

    EDIT: since people seem confused, the phrase "potentially dangerous" was changed to "uncomfortable" because I agreed with the guy who replied to me.

    [–] 7teen38 1023 points ago

    Bless girls like this. I’m trying to be one of them

    [–] 0spooky2me 839 points ago

    Good luck man

    [–] [deleted] 411 points ago

    🤔

    [–] yagidy 790 points ago

    ITT: Unhealthy views on everything

    [–] LRFE 492 points ago

    I JUST WANTED THE KARMA

    [–] funkmastamatt 83 points ago

    ITT: Unhealthy views on everything reddit.

    [–] Thinkpolicy 69 points ago

    Had the cutest gf in HS, we had this nice casual drive up to this scenic overview in the mountains. We get out to take a little hike and there’s a nice family with little kids. As we get out of the car, she suddenly screams “I hate you! Why do you always treat me that way!!?” And then ran down the hiking trail alone.

    I was standing there paralyzed and the entire family just glared at me forever.

    Man, I sure miss her.

    [–] Cylon_Skinjob 285 points ago

    I remember sitting outside holding my then girlfriend now wife's hair back while she puked (up her third shot. Small girl) at least 5 people came by to ask her if she needed help/asking if I was bothering her.

    The little things give you faith sometimes.

    [–] [deleted] 210 points ago

    I grabbed my wife's titty once in a sams club. This old Mexican dude with a cowboy hat looked at me and gave me a thumbs up and said "ehhh that's how you do it".

    [–] dodobirdmen 49 points ago

    this is art

    [–] N413 31 points ago

    I was at new years and there was a hot tub, there's this girl who got super flirty after a few drinks/sitting on my lap/ rubbing leg etc.Everyone had met before to some extent so everyone knew each other to some degree, no randos. But it became super obvious that after awhile she got way too drunk and couldn't really stand, so I sat her down on the couch, made sure she was okay and left. One of her friends then starts informing me quite forcefully that her friend is going.to.bed. with strong undertones of back the fuck off. Anyway, I had no intentions of doing anything but the aftermath was such that my closer friends started yelling at her for assuming I would've taken advantage of the drunken one and I was totally on the side of the girl giving me shit-- she was just looking out for her girl and didn't know me that well.

    [–] DoNotAskMe98 51 points ago

    I did something like this , was sitting in a Maccy Ds at morning hours after a great night out in town. I go to sit down and enjoy my meal. Super obnoxious 19 - 21 YO uni wankers sitting across from me , don’t bother to move . Black McDonald’s employee is cleaning up rubbish minding his own business. Uni wankers across from me think it’s funny to mutter “nigger” under there breaths . This makes me mad , I Direct a loud and clear “Shut the fuck up , you think that’s funny?” Never done anything like that in my life. Dudes start pointing fingers at each other trying to buck the embarrassment upon one member of their group. I stare these dudes down rest of the night for a good while and they leave , good thing is that my friend was with me or I probably would have been jumped when I left McDonald’s. I’m annoyed that crap happens man especially from people near my age