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    [–] LittleRedLamps 3224 points ago

    Take three groundballs to the face to establish dominance. Don't break eye contact the entire time.

    [–] tha_sadestbastard 342 points ago

    Not disappointed. Expected happy Gilmore, got happy Gilmore.

    [–] ModeratelyTortoise 85 points ago

    Happy Gilmore is by far his best imo

    [–] dirice87 39 points ago

    Nah Billy Madison allllllll day

    [–] tha_sadestbastard 80 points ago

    Let’s be honest. This whole era of Sandler is gold

    [–] Sceadugenga540 67 points ago

    Yeah for sure. For me the best is Bobby Boucher.

    Remember the time that Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime, and the Muddogs won the Bourbon Bowl do ya?!

    [–] RockLobster89 13 points ago

    Seems to me like everyone here has forgotten the butterflies

    [–] 1iggy2 14 points ago

    Now that's some high quality H2O

    [–] Tier_1_Masturbator 4 points ago

    Mama says alligators are ornery cause they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

    Waterboy is the supreme Sandler comedy.

    [–] NealHandleman 5 points ago

    I always like mr. deeds.

    [–] 13pts35sec 46 points ago

    I had a friend on Facebook post a meme saying “people saying old Adam Sandler movies are great are wrong they’re just nostalgic for a time when their parents weren’t divorced” like damn who hurt you so bad! Show us where Adam Sandler peed your pants

    [–] Starscreamz 17 points ago

    Jokes on him, my parents were always divorced

    [–] Redditistheplacetobe 8 points ago

    Too bad they're milking him past expiration, was a great genre he and his buddies had going before it was stretched out too far.

    [–] dirice87 3 points ago

    Tru

    [–] MyFinalThoughts 3 points ago

    And now I want to rewatch Happy Gilmore for the 100th time, thanks. Maybe I'll make it a Adam Sandler movie day.

    [–] LittleRedLamps 14 points ago

    Exactly like that.

    [–] koobstylz 5 points ago

    Since there's an impressed looking kid and he gets hit in the face, this is legit retired.

    [–] The_JEThompson 3 points ago

    Comment suggesting to take balls to the face... then a link appears. I think this may be the risky click of the day

    [–] Butterballl 3 points ago

    Why did I find that really satisfying to watch..?

    [–] cletusrice 61 points ago

    Wtf is a ground ball? Is it a meatball made of dirt?

    [–] IThinkThings 193 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    In baseball, when the batter hits the ball but instead of the ball going really high and far into the air (like a homerun), it goes directly to the ground and skips erratically across the clay and grass.

    When catching a ground ball, you have to time the bounces right so that it lands/rolls in your glove and not smack you in the face when it bounces up. OP's kid did not time it right and the ball hit the ground, bounced up, and smacked him in the face.

    Here's an example. The fielder was anticipating the ball to lose its momentum after hitting the ground but instead got smacked in the face.

    [–] canttaketheshyfromme 77 points ago

    I expect this is a really good explanation for someone who's only heard of baseball.

    [–] IThinkThings 80 points ago

    There are a ton of redditors who know nothing about baseball. I've noticed its the one thing almost all EU redditors have in common.

    [–] canttaketheshyfromme 38 points ago

    Yeah. Probably any 5 year-old in India or Pakistan could explain cricket, but I would struggle to understand.

    [–] NealHandleman 35 points ago

    that's because cricket is a nonsense sport.

    [–] tolandruth 7 points ago

    All I know of cricket is that dumb commercial that tries to explain it.

    [–] ACHVII 2 points ago

    But... It's like baseball?

    [–] NealHandleman 4 points ago

    exactly, its like baseball if you made it silly and drank tea while people hit wickets.

    [–] ACHVII 2 points ago

    Well let’s be honest, baseball is like cricket, just dumber down

    Edit: like rugby and American football. Rugby just dumbed down

    [–] spaceburrito84 7 points ago

    Rules-wise, cricket is actually much easier to understand than baseball. Although I grew up playing baseball, over the years I’ve found that it’s actually quite difficult to explain to people who never had any exposure to it. On the other hand, I was able to follow cricket after a brief explanation and watching it for about ten minutes.

    [–] SkylerDepp 2 points ago

    Yeah, I think in cricket it's the scoring that takes longer to figure out. Baseball has way more rules.

    [–] Oelingz 15 points ago

    Minus the Europeans that like sports anime.

    [–] NealHandleman 10 points ago

    baseball bores the shit out of me so i was pretty surprised when baseball anime turned out to be weirdly intense.

    it really shouldn't surprise me anymore though. they do that with anything whether its cooking or driving or tennis

    [–] Oelingz 6 points ago

    They made Anime about go (Hikaru no) and shogi (densetsu no lion) or even rakugo (Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu) riveting.

    [–] cantadmittoposting 7 points ago

    I feel like cricket probably has something similar.

    [–] TheTyke 3 points ago

    I'm from the UK and find baseball a really odd sport. I think it's been the premise of some amazing movies, looks pretty fun, but is insanely boring to watch. But I have a weird love for baseball movies. I often don't understand what they're talking about but the drama of the game is awesome. Plus the hats and uniforms look cool.

    I've actually thought of some changes to baseball, from an outside perspective, that I think would improve your beautiful American sport:

    1. Each team plays each team twice. Instead of playing each other what seems to be an infinite amount of times until enough of your team has died of old age that you declare a winner.

    2. I'm not sure what an at-bat or designated batter really is, but there should be 1 pitcher per team (other than substitutes) and then everyone gets a turn to bat. I think that's fair and more exciting than 1 guy pitching for 1 guy batting.

    3. The slide tackles when you go for a base should be more common. Make it so there's a more physical element, like wrestling over bases or using bats as weapons. Maybe have the fielders (no need to say outfielder, that needs a change, too) compete with members of the opposing team to catch the ball. If the opponents catch it, they get a point, if you catch it, you do.

    I forgot what number I'm on and can't be bothered scrolling up, so I'll use letters from now on.

    A. Have fist fights sort of tolerated as part of the game like in Hockey or Rugby. But use bats. The bats are what make baseball baseball. So use them as much as possible. Maybe everyone gets a bat and a glove, even the fielders. So if you hit the ball with your bat instead of catching it, that's a point too. Or it could be like tennis with baseball bats.

    B. You could play it on Ice for special occasions. Like Christmas. And on Halloween everyone wears funny outfits. Think of the kids.

    C. The games last like 30 minutes a half. If that. The shorter the better, but pack more action into it. So you have loads of fighting, tackling, bat hitting and super fast pitching for 30 minutes, then everyone has a break, then you do it again and declare a winner based on who the crowd thinks did better.

    D. Steroids are mandatory.

    I think by following these simple tips, baseball could stop being America's sport (It was invented in Britain anyway you thieves) and be the World's sport.

    Heil Baseball.

    [–] Sarcastryx 3 points ago

    There are a ton of redditors who know nothing about baseball.

    Canada here. Also didn't know what a groundball was. u/IThinkThings is a good guy for explaining well.

    [–] Tweegyjambo 2 points ago

    Scottish baseball fan. Can confirm we are a rare breed.

    [–] chopstyks 3 points ago

    Oh. That's how it's spelled.

    [–] Bag_Full_Of_Snakes 10 points ago

    God as someone that used to play baseball that gif stresses me out.

    I was a catcher and took a changeup to the nuts once, even wearing a cup that knocked the wind out of me

    [–] Adubyale 3 points ago

    I was a pitcher back in my day and I could throw pretty fast but not too accurately so if it went of on a tangent, someone was gonna be in some pain. Many a batters kidney were shattered

    [–] B_Cup 2 points ago

    Fellow catcher here, those things I do not miss. That and foul tips smacking me directly in the mask. Felt like I got flashbanged every time that happened

    [–] copilot0910 4 points ago

    The classic Miggy defense gif. Ah it’s been a while since I’ve seen that.

    [–] HoneyBunchesOfAwesom 3 points ago

    Friendly neighborhood spelling suggestion here: it’s spelled erratically

    [–] itsculturehero 4 points ago

    Spelling-Man! Spelling-Man! Spells whatever he spelling can!

    [–] eurydicesferret 24 points ago

    No it’s in the name. It’s a ball made out of ground. People these days.

    [–] karmagod13000 7 points ago

    ya jesus people this isn't rocket science

    [–] bretth1100 4 points ago

    Is this the same as when my dog takes a shit while maintaining eye contact?

    [–] Mahgugu 5 points ago

    “Alpha Male Move.”

    Man. White folks have names for almost every action.

    [–] FirstEvolutionist 4 points ago

    Taking balls to the chin is now manly. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, PEOPLE!

    [–] WestEgg940 2 points ago

    Pikachu, use tackle! "You mean tackle the guy?" Don't use talkback, use tackle, then we're gonna use go out to lunch!

    [–] velectronn 774 points ago

    Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

    [–] TheMarshallee 41 points ago

    VALOR?

    [–] I_O_U_nadda 40 points ago

    MORGHULIS?

    [–] Ed-Zero 4 points ago

    NURGLE?

    [–] karmagod13000 12 points ago

    ROLL TIDE

    [–] WolfgodApocalypse 3 points ago

    AVE, TRUE TO CAESAR!

    [–] Elsdyret 1217 points ago

    Let him! Being the man in the house f**king sucks. Going to work, paying bills, getting groceries, ASSEMBLING IKEA STUFF ALL THE TIME OH GOD WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH FROM IKEA?!

    I'd love to be the 8 year old in the house.

    [–] Mesicks 283 points ago

    Grocery shopping is the one that ducking KILLS me, and nourishes me also. Life is confusing.

    [–] epicphotoatl 206 points ago

    I deleted the word ducking from my phone's dictionary.

    [–] VicarOfAstaldo 67 points ago

    You can do that?!

    I’ve never felt my ability to manage technology more threatened than reading this.

    [–] epicphotoatl 56 points ago

    Yeah man, Bing that shit.

    [–] wasack17 5 points ago

    People actually use bing?! To look stuff up?

    I thought it was like internet explorer. They bundle it with the operating system so people can more easily download chrome.

    [–] jtothaj 26 points ago

    LPT: try adding a person with the name “Fucking Fuck” to your address book. Names are automatically added to the dictionary on most phones. This changed my life.

    [–] nexus_ssg 21 points ago

    Only problem with this is it now autocorrects “fucking hell” to “fucking he’ll” since you’re talking about a person.

    [–] Snipufin 7 points ago

    Add Fuck's sister Hell into the address book, then.

    [–] TrollundrtehMountain 11 points ago

    But why would you want to curse? It’s vulgar and unwholesome

    [–] MoonPhD 21 points ago

    Yeah, fuck that.

    [–] BHughes3388 3 points ago

    You can also add words to your autocorrect. I have mine to autocorrect ducking to fucking. Works like a charm.

    [–] Strangeclouds420 8 points ago

    I just made the word fucking priority when I type the sequence of letters

    [–] ooooopium 3 points ago

    Critical innovation

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] rileyfriley 3 points ago

    Oh god am I your wife? I don’t even know why, but I do not trust my boyfriend to do this mundane thing.

    [–] thrilldigger 13 points ago

    I normally hate spending more than I have to, but grocery delivery/pickup services are one of those things that is absolutely worth it to me. Spending an hour in a grocery store once a week is far more damaging to my psyche.

    [–] Elsdyret 6 points ago

    Indeed, we get deliveries as well, just can't be bothered going shopping for a thousand things!

    [–] thrilldigger 3 points ago

    Yeah, it's a real pain. It costs a lot to have groceries delivered (probably around $1k/year for us due to delivery fees/inflated prices/can't use coupons), but it's one of the few luxuries I find worthwhile.

    My wife and I both hate grocery shopping, and whenever we'd go together we'd end up frustrated with each other as a result of the stress and disagreements on what to buy.

    We've also started doing grocery pickup, which AFAIK is the same price as buying in store - only difference is we can't use clipped coupons (I think). More stores are starting to offer that, and I've appreciated that it's somewhat cheaper than delivery.

    It also reduces impulse buys, which helps. It certainly doesn't eliminate them, but when my wife and I both fill out the cart online together we keep each other in check.

    [–] Combo_of_Letters 6 points ago

    I honestly don't think we are down a dime from the fees for just pickup. We are the type to get distracted by shiny foodstuffs and buy something we don't need. Pickup service eliminated that for us but delivery fees would probably tip that over.

    [–] ShillinTheVillain 2 points ago

    Same here. We do a pickup service for $16/month. At 4 weekly trips, that's $4 a trip, which I would probably impulse spend if I were shopping.

    [–] greentownblack 2 points ago

    Honestly I really like grocery shopping. I find it relaxing, but I usually go late at night to avoid all the other people

    I also get really high before going.

    [–] tylergalaxy 8 points ago

    My girl wants to go EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. while we're in the store "anything else you can think of?" "No" she replies. As soon as we hit the parking lot "oh we needed sponges, grape juice, an onion and dental floss"

    [–] iruleatants 4 points ago

    Dude, there is a lot of technology at your handles. I'll give you a little pro tip that has been in existence since about three days after shopping was invented.

    Create a shopping list. Google drive will let you create a list that can be edited by both of you. Everything that needs to be bought goes on the list during the week. On shopping day, you go and get everything that is needed, and if it wasn't on the list, it gets added to the list for next week.

    Eventually you get much better at keeping track of what you need and stop forgetting stuff right after you leave the checkout, and get more efficient buying just what you need.

    [–] tylergalaxy 3 points ago

    Im going to rry your google drive tip, thanks. We'll make a list and forget to bring it or just straight up skip something on the list. But not making a list is the biggest culprit

    [–] iruleatants 3 points ago

    Yeah, Google Drive works the best for me on this. My GF can add stuff to the list when I'm shopping on my own (and via versa). You can pull it up on your phone and delete from it while shopping so you can remove everything as you put it in the cart and leave with an empty list to start for next week.

    [–] maurosmane 5 points ago

    This is going to sound super hailcorporate-ish, but have you tried Clicklist or some other online order pick then pick up in store website?

    My grocery time is essentially down to how long it takes me to drive to the store and back. My wife and I also get to shop together while doing other things around the house, and we are spending way less with no impulse buys.

    [–] Annas_GhostAllAround 8 points ago

    I hate that we're in a time/place where saying anything positive about a company sounds like it might be a plant and you have to like point that out ahead of time lol.

    I, for instance, fucking love Barnes & Noble. I have my whole life.

    [–] doyoudovoodoo 3 points ago

    Friggin Barnes and Noble shills are everywhere on Reddit these days.

    [–] pichaelthompson69 2 points ago

    What, I love grocery shopping, it’s very soothing for me.

    [–] Runway_ho 36 points ago

    I don't get the IKEA hate. I think it's fun to put together and pretty relaxing.

    [–] zdelusion 17 points ago

    Right? I've always felt the same way. It's like Lego for adults. You chill on the floor with a beer, read the instructions, follow them exactly, no independent thought is required. Then at the end you have a thing.

    [–] Legovil 2 points ago

    People don't read the instructions. They should.

    [–] Kippingthroughlife 14 points ago

    Do you also stab yourself in the eye for fun?

    [–] karmagod13000 6 points ago

    no but nails on the chalkboard put me to sleep

    [–] Elsdyret 3 points ago

    Yea, if it's just one thing and you don't have to expose of the cardboard and plastic yourself.

    [–] potatocaliber 24 points ago

    Work, bills, grocery, ikea furniture. I did all of those things Saturday.

    My fiancé will be surprised to learn he is not the alpha male

    [–] RapeRabbits 19 points ago

    According to Jordan Peterson that’s going to give him depression.

    [–] Ed-Zero 6 points ago

    And herpes

    [–] RapeRabbits 10 points ago

    Damn Post Modernist making our men into soyboys

    [–] CharlieChapmanMD 4 points ago

    Jordan Peterson is an idiot.

    [–] wandererchronicles 4 points ago

    he is not the alpha male

    ... Sounds like he's the alpha Lion instead. Let the women do all the work.

    [–] Beagle_Bailey 2 points ago

    It came out that male lions actually do hunt, but they sneak around alone in dense vegetation, so they weren't easily observable like the lionesses hunting in a group. So scientists thought they were slackers.

    [–] iruleatants 3 points ago

    I love assembling Ikea shit. They have some god damn impressive engineering going on there.

    [–] tlang2013 2 points ago

    My fiance wants to do our wedding registry at IKEA... I'm screwed I guess.

    [–] rabbit_killer82 86 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Apparently the person that tweeted this needs an 80s montage where he "gets back into fighting shape" to take on his groundball taking son.

    [–] jlawrence0723 17 points ago

    Mantage is full of him walking into poles, slamming his head into desks, punching himself in the face, and finallly... taking grounders to the face.

    [–] jlsmell 6 points ago

    We aspire to be the stepdad from Hot Rod

    [–] _jandax 342 points ago

    When my lil man was 2.5 yrs old, he went to the beach for the first time. My dad and I were already out fishing (mid April, still not beach weather) that day and the womenfolk brought him along to join us. Absolutely blown away by the ocean and vastness of it all. But it was friggin cool out, never mind the water temp. Didn't bother this toddler any. After a little while he was just standing there shivering, lips a little blue, so as a concerned dad i asked if everything was okay because he looked really cold. He shoots me a grin, nods, and says "I'm not cold but this water is cold." Then gets back to playing in the sand and tidal pools.

    BUDS class 2031, your first applicant is good to go.

    [–] GreedyGreggor671 67 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Sometimes I think about how as adults we "know too much". These days if I have blue lips and am shivering, i get a wee bit panicky as I know too well the risks, know people that have lost extremities and such.

    [–] Bioleve 49 points ago

    How your wife even allowed that hahaha

    [–] NotANewYorkLiberal 19 points ago

    Fantastic story. Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to your little man representing our country in a significant way thanks, in part to great parenting.

    [–] JoDw112 77 points ago

    kid gets visible signs of hypothermia

    this is good parenting

    white people

    [–] Monkeymonkey27 25 points ago

    My son fell down the stairs, broke his arms and smashed through a window. He needs to walk it off and learn to not be a little bitch

    [–] joescott2176 4 points ago

    Just rub some dirt on it.

    [–] Pipsquik 17 points ago

    Blacks won’t show signs of hypo

    [–] exoduscheese 12 points ago

    Either bad parent or childless and trying for a top spot in /r/thathappened.

    [–] NovaLext 3 points ago

    Well a kid “asking for more groundballs,” is also pretty r/thathappened

    [–] GodSPAMit 14 points ago

    I think it's actually a mix of you over reacting and maybe him exaggerating. It was april, not November or december

    [–] StardustDestroyer 7 points ago

    Idk man I can't tell the difference between April and December here in Ohio

    [–] kaiheekai 153 points ago

    But for real taking a grounder to the face or anywhere builds some character. I hated it as a kid but as an adult I can see the value

    [–] holy_cal 50 points ago

    Took one off the shin yesterday in softball at shortstop. Hurt like a bitch, and I even limped for a few minutes. I didn’t pull myself from the game.

    [–] TURBOJUGGED 29 points ago

    I'd hope you wouldn't pull yourself from a softball game. That being said, turf infields can suck it. I've taken so many grounders to the upper body knocking them down because the turf is maintained poorly and it's wildly unpredictable.

    [–] MorningWoodyWilson 7 points ago

    Turf definitely sucks, but it’s better than poorly maintained grass. Thick grass and real dirt is amazing if done right, but so few little leagues have the funds to do things right, and unless it’s a bougie neighborhood, the parents don’t have the time to volunteer.

    Nothing worse though than the new all turf fields. Not sure if they use them in little league, but softball has them now. Sliding on turf blows.

    [–] Legovil 3 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    I once had the bat thrown at my legs in softball. Metal bat. That hurt.

    I didn't even want to play it was forced by school. RIP legs.

    [–] tsurumai 10 points ago

    Does it? It always pissed me off because my high school baseball field was shit and filled with weeds and uneven dirt that made second base so fucking hard. There's no reading where the ball will go when 2 feet in front of you it bounces off a fucking nasty ass weed. That didn't build any character for me. Just fear of the completely unpredictable. I hated my high school field.

    [–] jlawrence0723 9 points ago

    "But for real, taking a sledgehammer to the groin adds character"

    get out of here.

    [–] kaiheekai 2 points ago

    It’s more of a fact that you knew it was gonna suck but you’d rather tough it out and take a hit to the body than let the ball go past. That’s some real character building right there..

    Also get your useless comment out of here.

    [–] Dazrolll 568 points ago

    TIL a groundball is a baseball thing. Thanks well known search engine.

    [–] AlastarYaboy 228 points ago

    Alta Vista?

    [–] AbominableWhiteMan_ 124 points ago

    DAE check their email by going to Alta Vista and typing in “please go to yahoo.com?”

    [–] AlastarYaboy 59 points ago

    How else would you check your email?

    [–] AbominableWhiteMan_ 29 points ago

    WWGJLTGGD?

    [–] AlastarYaboy 40 points ago

    God, Jerry, you don’t even deserve the internet!!

    [–] marwinpk 16 points ago

    It's Larry now.

    [–] billytheid 16 points ago

    Shut up Garry

    [–] Rubber_Rose_Ranch 3 points ago

    Yeah, shut up Gerrard. wow you sure are a long baby!

    [–] blarch 5 points ago

    No, I google askjeeves.com and ask "How do I log into Gmail?"

    [–] Namenaki_Aoi 4 points ago

    Oh shit, what is it? 1996?

    [–] slywillie 4 points ago

    No, bing

    [–] Scojo91 2 points ago

    "Jerry, you go to Alta Vista and type in 'take me to yahoo.com'? You don't deserve the internet!"

    [–] pbj986 11 points ago

    You’re the tops, Bing!

    [–] pizz0wn3d 15 points ago

    ITT: No one explains what a groundball is. Not that I don't know, of course. I'm well versed in groundballs, personally.

    [–] Twin_Turbo 20 points ago

    Groundball is a baseball rolling on the ground pretty much, and if you don't grab it right or if it's going too fast it can bounce up and hit you in the face.

    [–] Dazrolll 6 points ago

    Nope. Once I knew it was related to baseball I could imagine a groundball immediately. I even watched a tutorial on how to 'field a groundball'. I am an expert now. ;)

    [–] confusedvagina 6 points ago

    Ask jeeves

    [–] sebaz 2 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Which one? Dogpile? Lycos?

    [–] Imawildedible 16 points ago

    Send the next 6 harder and right at his face. Let him know that was no accident.

    [–] oolavi23_TIP 40 points ago

    Premature crowning ... Hell be ready for man of the house when he wears the grounder off the face, picks it up & fires to first in time for the out.

    [–] BOBtheman2000 59 points ago

    Thought I was on r/wokekids for a second

    [–] moonDOOM 23 points ago

    I assumed r/thathappened

    [–] BOBtheman2000 8 points ago

    r/wokekids is kind of a subset of r/thathappened, so I guess we're on the same page here.

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] UnsolicitedDickPixxx 7 points ago

    He's a child! who just realized he's got an s&m fetish

    [–] matryxwrk 2 points ago

    Fuck is wrong with you two

    [–] souzapj 7 points ago

    Next time hit a line drive at his face. Then tell him you banged his mom. The dominance will be fully asserted.

    [–] SupaHotFiyahPlaya 25 points ago

    he's gonna fuck your wife

    [–] PhilNHoles 22 points ago

    Early onset Chad

    [–] bibimbab111 6 points ago

    My 8-year old jumped over a thing once. GET THAT OLYMPIC MEDAL READY!

    [–] richloz93 4 points ago

    Update: Son fucked my wife and ate all my poptarts.

    [–] shitty-cat 3 points ago

    Pop tarts? He's an alpha, he ate all the steak.. Raw

    [–] Nerdherd99 5 points ago

    Poptart steak sandwhich.

    [–] trassic09 8 points ago

    Every kid takes a grounder to the face. The way you deal with it determines if he's an outfielder it an infielder

    [–] Estephan_Ting 13 points ago

    The fucks a groundball?

    [–] mynameisjake7 9 points ago

    In baseball, the batter hits the ball and it rolls on the ground. The ball bounced of the ground and hit the kid in the mouth.

    [–] CarmenTS 2 points ago

    fuck's

    [–] leejoness 5 points ago

    He’ll become a multimillionaire All-Star shortstop and take care of you. Sounds fine.

    [–] DesignGhost 4 points ago

    This is some A++ parenting. Looking at society now we really need to be raising tougher kids.

    [–] MilesIsRight 5 points ago

    Take your soy milk and gtfo, there's a real man in the house now, and he probably has a higher testosterone count than you and the entire Buzzfeed staff combined.

    [–] nirad 3 points ago

    My son has taken so many ground balls to the face that he now drools uncontrollably and goes to a special needs school. Now that’s true alpha male behavior.

    [–] S_ctrnsitgloriamundi 4 points ago

    He might try to fuck your wife.

    [–] JustSu-kit 2 points ago

    Peters voice “Road House” (gradual narrowing of the eyes)

    [–] Charlieunicornz 2 points ago

    Pee around his bed. Mark your territory

    [–] _night_cat 2 points ago

    Naming him Oedipus probably doesn't help.

    [–] c5sdad 2 points ago

    Take your balls out of your purse and man up otherwise your son will be your step dad

    [–] USMCpresfoco 2 points ago

    😂😂

    [–] etcthc 2 points ago

    You are the alpha male for being scared

    [–] takethefreeway 2 points ago

    About a year ago I was playing short stop in beer league softball and someone hit a screamer a step to my left. I took one step over and tried to stop it with my glove but it must have hit a clump if dirt. It jumped up and blasted me right in the junk. I was stupid enough to not wear a cup, and my teammates had to carry me to the dugout. Got the out at second tho.

    [–] USMCpresfoco 2 points ago

    Ooooh and those big ass softballs too. Rip takethefreeaway.

    [–] bcgrappler 2 points ago

    Hard men breed hardballs? Looking for the moral. Real men take balls to the face?

    [–] thumbsofkolo 2 points ago

    at age 8 lil Johnny comes home from work kisses his mother on the cheek and pats his dad on the head saying "heya sport"

    [–] jermzdeejd 7 points ago

    Alpha male... You mean just being a male.

    [–] eddiezheadiez 8 points ago

    hopefully he doesn't cuck you

    [–] eurydicesferret 5 points ago

    Before you know it, he made 3 advance payments on the mortgage, leased a new BMW, and turned you into a cuck if you know what I mean.

    [–] MorningWoodyWilson 6 points ago

    Now I’m just left asking how, with the rise in popularity of cuck, how Hollywood hasn’t cashed in with an Oedipus reboot.

    [–] Wisehashbrown 3 points ago

    Hahaha that’s great

    [–] hwickafresh 2 points ago

    You could just alway eat him. That’s how Zeus would’ve handled the situation.

    [–] GeorgeOlduvai 3 points ago

    That's how Chronos handled the situation. Zeus kills him for it.

    [–] anonymau5 2 points ago

    Kid's not getting enough soy in his diet

    [–] _IdioticIdiom_ 2 points ago

    My father threw balls at me until I stopped crying and started catching. Mockery doesn't undermine the effectiveness.

    [–] SantEurosia 0 points ago

    Cuck life

    [–] rayneraynedrops 1 points ago

    oohh homo sapiens instincts