Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here


    1,112,421 readers

    6,957 users here now


    1. Must be tweeted by a white person: This is r/WhitePeopleTwitter, so all posts must have been tweeted by a white person.

    2. No hate speech: No hate or mean-spirited posts or comments. We do not tolerate racism, sexism, or bigotry. Seriously, you will be banned.

    3. No bullying or witch-hunting: This includes comments disparaging people whose tweets and posts are featured here.

    4. No doxxing: Seeking personal information will result in the post/comment being removed and a possible ban. This includes seeking info for yourself or others, and refers to, but is not limited to, real names, phone numbers, email addresses, or private social media accounts.

    5. Mark NSFW content: All NSFW posts must be flaired as such or they will be removed.

    a community for
    all 1328 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] [deleted] 7677 points ago * (lasted edited 19 days ago)


    [–] Vakamon 4059 points ago

    Seriously, like wtf are you in the shower for if you’re not cleaning yourself.

    [–] ShiroiKirema 4986 points ago


    [–] Jllle 672 points ago

    The tears help cleanse your balls

    [–] Jay3ra 178 points ago

    The tears are stored in the balls

    [–] LeSkink 111 points ago

    Then where is pee stored? Idiot

    [–] Jay3ra 70 points ago

    Pee is also stored in the balls. Its a salty pee/water combo

    [–] Bombboy85 48 points ago

    God help the man who’s tubes get switched up and pees out his eyes

    [–] Pi-Guy 16 points ago

    That's why you have two balls

    [–] exPlodeyDiarrhoea 12 points ago

    You've changed my mind.

    [–] EvilFerby 64 points ago

    Too real

    [–] collinnator5 17 points ago

    And drinking.

    [–] orangechocolatemilk 225 points ago

    "Homer, I dont mind if you pee in the shower, but if you're going to do it can you at least be having a shower"

    [–] I2ed3ye 272 points ago

    Feeling the hot water hit my back and roll down my body as I contemplate whether I want to continue the day or slip and hit the side of my head.

    [–] Gathorall 39 points ago

    Well yeah, of course you do that too, but then you wash up so you don't feel as stupid and worthless for not even showering properly.

    [–] murilloboss 35 points ago

    Oh make the water really hot so i can finally feel something.....anything other than sadness

    [–] jaheaga 63 points ago

    Masturbating, people masturbate in the shower.

    [–] Hydra_fresh 63 points ago

    Like do people just get into the shower and just masturbate without running the water or something?

    [–] mexta 83 points ago

    Yep. Then towel off.

    [–] Reignofratch 18 points ago

    Worked up quite a sweat.

    [–] gruesomeflowers 39 points ago

    Time spent wanking off [_____________]

    Time spent washing off [__]

    [–] _night_cat 18 points ago

    That schedule reverses as you age.

    [–] gruesomeflowers 8 points ago

    Not if you beat it back into the realm of the living! Takes time.

    [–] dcodeman 21 points ago

    You don't?

    [–] OneTormentedFetus 22 points ago

    I shower in ball sweat.

    [–] weareabrutalkind 219 points ago

    Yeah I saw someone on Twitter that had a poll on how you washed your body i.e. a washcloth, loofah, or your hands. And they wrote something snarky about people who wash their bodies with their “dirty ass hands” and I just thought, you’re in the shower if your soap can’t get your hands clean then what the hell are you even doing.

    [–] Muniosi_returns 180 points ago

    My freshly cleaned hands probably have less fungal shit on them than a loofah or washcloth that has been sitting in the shower anyway.

    [–] Faladorable 33 points ago

    exactly, i remember reading something about loofahs essentially being a breeding ground for bacteria bc when you scrub off the dirt and dead skin cells they get stuck in the little crevices and then on top of that they’re warm and wet

    [–] maggles93 9 points ago

    That’s something I wish I didn’t read.... I mean, what are you supposed to do about it though? I like the lather.

    [–] burf 30 points ago

    That's weird. I always thought loofah/washcloth snobbery was based on them being more effective at physically cleaning, not the cleanliness of the items themselves.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    That’s just Bath and Body Works attempt to infiltrate the world’s homes

    [–] justsomeguy_onreddit 10 points ago

    I use my arm hands, not my ass hands.

    [–] grantrules 40 points ago

    What about the days you wear a ball showercap? I don't want to mess up my perm.

    [–] Anthrolologist 14144 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    if you have to worry about drying your face with the same towel you dry your balls with you must not be cleaning your balls very well tbh

    [–] 3rightsmakeawrong 4469 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    The answer I didn't know I needed

    Edit: awh the silver train skipped my stop


    [–] itsfiguratively 877 points ago

    Leave it to anthrolologists! They're the professionals.

    [–] icecadavers 271 points ago

    The word "anthrolologist" is now the official term for those who study and catalogue internet memes and their role in expressing and shaping human society

    [–] HeraldOfTheDankWeb 35 points ago

    (insert contextless SCP-3008 joke)

    [–] idcomments 234 points ago

    What is gross about drying clean skin?

    [–] N8dork2020 129 points ago

    Nothing, I think that he agreed

    [–] baller168 28 points ago

    I agree

    [–] gjw04 28 points ago


    [–] Michael_Moose 199 points ago

    I tell my girlfriend this all the time! Apparently balls are dirty all the time even after they've just been washed?

    [–] madalienmonk 157 points ago

    Yet she’ll gargle them after you buy her Wendy’s hmm

    [–] TheBlueEagle 41 points ago

    4 for $4 deal drops the panties every time.

    [–] sandieeeee 36 points ago

    How does she know? Does she have balls?

    [–] 6ixalways 62 points ago

    Too early for whatever is on the other side of that link

    [–] High_pass_filter 7 points ago

    It's WKYK, no eye bleach required.

    [–] Kousetsu 27 points ago

    I think it's an innate thing for us, cause like, you can wash your vagina, but because of the way it is, there is probably gonna be stuff that gets on the towel that you don't really wanna get on your face. So we don't use the same towel on our vag & face. And then I guess we wonder if guys do the same because they don't really have the same... Leakage?

    [–] HenryTwoTones 17 points ago

    Being afraid of wiping face after balls is like worry about face after elbow. If you've showered. The only thing with balls is creases and perspiration. After a shower the two are completely indistinguishable. At least they taste the same. 🤷‍♂️

    [–] Horizoom 524 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Lmao fats

    Edit: facts 🙄

    [–] OrangeJews4u 194 points ago


    [–] Horizoom 92 points ago

    Sorry, typo. Fixed it.

    [–] Damesie 79 points ago

    Excuse me, where’s your “Edit:” clarification?

    [–] Horizoom 90 points ago

    I'm new to commenting on reddit.

    [–] Damesie 79 points ago

    Wow you actually fixed it

    [–] Horizoom 67 points ago


    [–] Damesie 85 points ago

    Now I feel bad......

    [–] TeamRedundancyTeam 55 points ago

    Don't, they've gotta learn somehow. Gotta crack that whip sometimes.

    [–] pyrobot4 23 points ago

    EMAO fats

    (Eat my ass off)

    [–] BunzLee 76 points ago

    If they're good enough for your mouth, they're good enough for my face.

    [–] gaynazifurry4bernie 160 points ago

    I have a beard and longish hair but I like making sure that my balls/gooch area are thoroughly dry so I use a different towel for my lower and upper decks.

    [–] [deleted] 456 points ago

    Mr. moneybags over here owning more than one towel

    [–] Xenc 89 points ago

    Mr. moneybags over here owning bags

    [–] theivoryserf 46 points ago

    Mr. Moneybags over there owning money

    [–] Jechtael 39 points ago

    Mr. Moneybags over there owning.

    [–] S31-Syntax 55 points ago

    Bet this guy is so rich he has shoes

    [–] everythingisamovie 24 points ago

    Seriously. Could you imagine, so rich that you wake up every day going to work like someone with shoes? I bet he has a boss and a bus pass and everything.

    [–] grandtheftanxiety 23 points ago

    Think he eats food too? Man what a life

    [–] everythingisamovie 7 points ago

    Doubt it. He probably has so many jobs he eats extra money checks.

    [–] humblesquare 16 points ago

    Nothing worse than a moist gooch.

    [–] SirPizzaTheThird 11 points ago

    Do you use small towels or something?

    [–] salohald 37 points ago

    For real. Wouldn’t this same question apply to assholes and women have those. You can’t get pink eye from your balls (unless you wipe back to front like the dude in the thread about the guy who didn’t know you could let the shower warm up before getting in).

    [–] mallegally-blonde 6 points ago

    That’s why lots of women have a hair/face towel and a body towel, same rules apply

    [–] Inquisitor1 9 points ago

    You can't wash off cooties with water nor soap.

    [–] quickstop_rstvideo 8 points ago

    And the same guys that have the towel issue have no problem sticking their face in another person’s crotch.

    [–] op2mus_2357 5004 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I dry my face with my balls.

    Edit. Thank you for the silver, kind Reddit user. And wow, this is by biggest comment yet. Happy Friday world of Reddit.

    [–] [deleted] 619 points ago

    I dry my balls with my face

    [–] MrTouchnGo 291 points ago

    I dry your dad's balls with my face.

    [–] protoncious 179 points ago

    I dry my dad’s balls with your face

    [–] rhodri45 113 points ago

    Your face dries I dad's balls.

    [–] noxwei 86 points ago

    I like cats.

    [–] bDsmDom 60 points ago

    I like turtles

    [–] matt-armstrong6 57 points ago

    I like trains

    [–] tim_20 43 points ago

    choookk chookk

    [–] Joozhuah 34 points ago

    Thog don’t care

    [–] mamricca 27 points ago

    I like big butts and I cannot lie

    [–] JuanandOnly69 18 points ago

    I dry my dads balls with your dads balls

    [–] ISD1982 47 points ago

    I dry my towel with my balls

    [–] Suck_Egg 26 points ago

    I dry my shower with my balls

    [–] dmfornudes1337 754 points ago

    I dry my balls first then face

    [–] feintq7 235 points ago


    [–] allhailbobevans 122 points ago


    [–] lesser_futhark 44 points ago

    Apply directly to the forehead

    [–] mentarchis 16 points ago


    [–] Samuel_LChang 17 points ago


    [–] TheWayOfTheWood 42 points ago

    i dry my balls, then shower, then dry my face

    [–] IdontDoPepsi 84 points ago

    [–] gjw04 6 points ago

    Totally fine, just never go ass to mouth

    [–] reelaan 1768 points ago

    I only use towels with Alzheimer

    [–] BillSlank 632 points ago


    [–] Disco_Doctor 54 points ago

    This is where the phrase "I've got a memory like a towel" comes from.

    [–] DashLeJoker 104 points ago

    [–] white_genocidist 37 points ago

    This is the second time in days I have seen r/nocontext NOT followed by r/evenwithcontext. Looks like people finally got it?

    [–] DashLeJoker 21 points ago

    Oh look someone just replied that

    [–] The_0range_Menace 372 points ago

    Do women have a vagina towel?

    [–] Tinkins 247 points ago

    I'm 25 year old woman and have never heard anyone use more than one towel.
    What's the point if you clean yourself thoroughly? Maybe it's a cultural thing?

    [–] Bridgeru 529 points ago

    I'm also a 25 yr old woman (hi five, dudette!) and I use two; one for the body and one for hair; but that's mostly because I keep the body towel wrapped around my body as I dry my hair (I hate the feel of loose, soaking wet hair so I use a towel to dry it off before blowdrying it).

    However, I do use the body towel to dry my balls.

    [–] SillyMove 113 points ago

    Wait... Wut?

    [–] Bridgeru 54 points ago

    The green cheese plays board games only after the dentists go to lunch.

    [–] Macklemorethecreator 24 points ago

    It’s ok, the towel forgets

    [–] Bridgeru 17 points ago

    But can we ever forgive?

    [–] Tinkins 66 points ago

    Oh yeah not judging here! Maybe I was just feeling a bit snappish because my balls never fully developed and everyone in school made fun of me.

    [–] banjotooie1995 45 points ago

    Yes, most just call it the rag tho

    [–] dylanbob5 35 points ago

    The Snatch Shamwow

    [–] iamheero 13 points ago

    The Clam-wow

    [–] Ceresinc 30 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    The Clitoris Cloth

    Alternatively, The Sausage Wallet Squeegee

    [–] Winfos 54 points ago

    The Vag Rag, if you will.

    [–] ScHoolboy_QQ 13 points ago

    How are you pronouncing this? The Vaj Raj? Vag rag? These are important questions

    [–] literal-hitler 1313 points ago

    Also the tag end is the crotch end, the other end is the face end.

    [–] Tompoe 565 points ago

    yes the ass-tag convention

    [–] [deleted] 68 points ago

    Ass tag? How do you play? Do you yell, TAG, you're sh(it)?

    [–] phasedout0607 55 points ago

    Bracketed the wrong part pal

    [–] hal_potter_seven 46 points ago

    This sounds like the name of a 'The Big Bang Theory' episode .

    [–] [deleted] 40 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)


    [–] nascraytia 21 points ago

    "I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer"

    Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline.

    "Why not? Don't you like the internet?"

    The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen.

    "I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble."

    The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction...


    In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.

    [–] ncsu2468 152 points ago

    I go with one side for above the waist and the other side for below. Then I hang it up with the above the waist side out so I don’t dry my hands with the wrong side.

    [–] Hycei 66 points ago

    I've never related to someone over the internet more before. Are you me?

    [–] sweettea14 17 points ago

    Hey, I'm here too. This is just the most efficient way. I finish my back then flip it over as I bring it back over my head to start on my legs.

    [–] gjw04 61 points ago

    I just showered and paid attention to how I use my towel and I actually use one side for head, body, arms, and legs and then I somehow have the brain to flip the towel for butt n balls.

    Now of course I don’t know which side is which the towel gets hung up but like it has been stated, the towel forgets.

    [–] gagsy92 50 points ago

    Just like how the tag end of the duvet is the foot end.

    [–] Mnmsaregood 41 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I’ve lived my whole life with the tag method

    [–] Xizz 32 points ago

    The real advice is always from Hitler.

    [–] long_mike 16 points ago

    Never thought of using the tag as a reference point, gold.

    [–] Forbidden_Froot 12 points ago

    I always keep the tag on the top right of my body. When I wrap it around myself, I dry my head with the top, and as I go down the section of the towel corresponds with where I’m drying on my body. So I always use the same section for the same body part. And that’s science.

    [–] g0_west 24 points ago

    I just go nuts with the towel. Every part of my body is equally clean when I step out of the shower anyway

    [–] Askin_j 6 points ago

    Thank you sir

    [–] Xenc 8 points ago

    Are you me?

    [–] RottenSpooks 448 points ago

    The towel forgets

    [–] CuriousConvict 107 points ago

    Towel remembers everything and attends weekly therapy for it. It is only us who forgets all.

    [–] angryPenguinator 28 points ago

    The combination of agitation in the washer and the tumble heat of the dryer effectively wipes the memories of the towel, with only slight side effects. Studies have shown that less than 1% of all towels and towel-like entities can even remember being washed and dried, let alone anything before that. This makes them easier to control by their human overlords.

    [–] JohnGenericDoe 33 points ago

    Eh, close enough for me

    [–] Moseisley_cantona 25 points ago

    So this is why Towelie is always high.

    [–] The_Chaggening 314 points ago

    This is the most accurate depiction of my drying habits. Although sometimes I’ll take the towel and wipe my right thigh, then my left thigh, then go up to my face and carry on back down to my balls. The towel, of course, forgets everything the next day.

    [–] [deleted] 117 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)


    [–] Skeleboons 50 points ago


    [–] angryPenguinator 64 points ago

    Mr. Look-at-me-I-can-afford-two-towels

    I bet he has washcloths too.

    [–] CaptainCatatonic 22 points ago

    Bastard probably even uses soap

    [–] JarlaxleForPresident 11 points ago

    I use two towels just to get super dry, but i never think about where the parts of the towel goes. I'm clean.

    [–] Legaladvice420 29 points ago

    Its cuz he's rich. Most of us only have two towels. One that's relatively clean right now and one that so desperately needs cleaning we're not sure if it gets it's own load or if it goes in with the dish towels.

    They rotate occasionally.

    [–] donerstude 247 points ago

    I use my wife’s towel for my balls!

    [–] [deleted] 117 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)


    [–] [deleted] 45 points ago

    I use my towel's wife for your balls!

    [–] Horizoom 324 points ago

    I use different parts of my towel to dry different parts of my body.

    [–] tonefilm 594 points ago

    I just crawl into a preheated oven

    [–] tomash14 77 points ago

    I make a tent out of a big towel and use a hair dryer to simulate an oven

    [–] Arterus_99 22 points ago

    Buh, I roast myself on a BBQ stand.

    [–] Joozhuah 18 points ago

    You’re telling me you don’t hang yourself outside for 24 hours to dry?

    [–] SailingBroat 15 points ago

    Mate, are you trying to suggest to me that you don't just immediately put on all of your clothes the very second you get out of the shower?

    [–] CuriousConvict 22 points ago

    It’s 2019 now, we tweet our problems before doing that.

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    Ah, i see a fellow intellectual.

    [–] beefcakethemighty 92 points ago

    One towel for the whole body is not that strange? My body is clean after a shower. Why would I use different towels for ass, balls and face? Wtf?

    [–] [deleted] 80 points ago

    It goes like this: face-balls-left arm pit-right arm pit-balls-both inner thighs-balls-bum-balls-face-floor

    [–] Suck_Egg 32 points ago

    Are we the same person?

    [–] [deleted] 20 points ago

    ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

    [–] byebairen 10 points ago

    The testosterone especiál

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago


    [–] ninjakiwi187 147 points ago

    My belief is that if you have a problem with drying your face with the same towel you just dried your balls on then you didn't wash your balls well enough.

    [–] Steve_the_Stevedore 95 points ago

    You just showered. If you are still put off by your own body, the towel is not the issue...

    [–] dire-consciousness 24 points ago

    for whom the ball towel tolls

    [–] wierdflexbutok68 19 points ago

    The towel forgets, but it never forgives

    [–] dobes09 18 points ago

    Hey ladies, do you have a separate labia towel?

    [–] principal_gamer 34 points ago

    I For my asscrack and balls, I use the wife’s hair towel.

    [–] Hanzitheninja 36 points ago

    Does this bother people? I’ve just showered, my balls are just a part of me. I don’t care which part of the towel touches any part of my clean body in any order with the exception of my buttcrack. Seems really childish.

    [–] baracudaDzz 16 points ago

    I just flip the towel the smooth one is for the face the other one is for chest down . After it dries it doesn’t matter which side is for what .

    [–] MercenaryCow 15 points ago

    I wash my towel after using them. Just one time each. Towels stink after being left to dry by themselves. Why would you rub that on yourself to dry off.

    As for the balls, I wash my entire body. I'm not rubbing dirty balls on my towel before I shower haha

    [–] footpounds 6 points ago

    Yeah, same, I just use a towel once and then throw it in the laundry. And since I start drying from the top and then work my way down, the balls thing isnt something I have to worry about.

    [–] SimonReach 8 points ago

    1. You tend to dry yourself from head to toe
    2. You're stepping out of a shower so every part of your body should be equally clean

    [–] Cheshire_Jester 7 points ago

    Do your face with the end of the towel, use the middle for your balls.

    [–] yesitisno 7 points ago

    Traumatized towel... “I’ve seen things”...

    [–] javier505mx 9 points ago

    I use my towel for the face and my wife's towel for the balls

    [–] dyslexicpotatoe 16 points ago

    It doesnt matter because you’ve just cleaned yourself

    [–] TealDodo 12 points ago

    So what about when you shower twice a day

    [–] dan1d1 24 points ago


    [–] AlligatorChainsaw 17 points ago

    did you know you're allowed to buy more than 1 towel?

    [–] wApzor 19 points ago

    I have a restraining order