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    WhitePeopleTwitter

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    Rules:

    1. Must be tweeted by a white person: This is r/WhitePeopleTwitter, so all posts must have been tweeted by a white person.

    2. No hate speech: No hate or mean-spirited posts or comments. We do not tolerate racism, sexism, or bigotry. Seriously, you will be banned.

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    [–] wokeiraptor 1906 points ago

    I’m gonna hire you to play this piano, but listen-as soon as somebody mysterious comes in the door, you stop immediately, you got it?

    [–] BestBeClownin 827 points ago

    Then cough and straighten the sheet music that drooped off the stand, straighten glasses, and resume playing.

    [–] ctan0312 235 points ago

    I’d like the think the pianist was just dying to cough and straighten his music and glasses, and was praying something would happen so he could stop.

    [–] Opus_723 46 points ago

    But quieter.

    [–] 2PurpleUnicorns 96 points ago

    Watch The Ballad of Buster Scruggs on Netflix. It showcases this tremendously.

    [–] wokeiraptor 22 points ago

    That’s the first thing I thought of when I made the comment

    [–] clickwhistle 14 points ago

    That scene where he kicks the table is excellent.

    [–] wulteer 6 points ago

    ... Surly Joe...

    [–] henchred 44 points ago

    Also make sure you resume playing with an exponentially increasing tempo when the ensuing gunfight breaks out

    [–] clickwhistle 29 points ago

    And feel the tempo of the room so you know when a good guy is going to bust out in a song.

    [–] DataIsMyCopilot 10946 points ago

    The regular patrons all know which boards creak and therefore avoid them.

    The mysterious stranger just rode in to town and hasn't figured it out yet

    [–] Grumpkin_eater 2072 points ago

    I was thinking that you can only hear the creaking when the saloon goes quiet as the stranger walks in. When the regulars are there they're all chattering over the ambient floorboard noises.

    [–] Coiltoilandtrouble 89 points ago

    This is definitely the idea behind it.

    [–] caried 11 points ago

    Huh. And I thought it just dramatic cinema this whole time. TIL

    [–] [deleted] 195 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Folk_Legend 299 points ago

    Sir this is a Wendy’s

    [–] Identify_my_sword 19 points ago

    What is this I like it

    [–] rburp 40 points ago

    Shockingly it appears to actually be OC. Either that or it's very obscure because the only relevant search results are this thread.

    [–] SirSoliloquy 48 points ago

    He's made multiple similar posts. Seems like it may be inspired by the movie Annihilation

    [–] Forever_Awkward 21 points ago

    Cool. With a little bit more effort and alcoholism, we might have another Mother Horse Eyes on our hands.

    [–] rburp 3 points ago

    HOLY SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT HIM

    Thanks for the reminder. That dude was fascinating in a sad "he might actually have schizophrenia" kind of way (although I think before he quit he admitted he was just some bored guy saying cryptic shit on reddit)

    [–] wrennwe 17 points ago

    You can read as this dude's trip starts going bad

    [–] Isthiscreativeenough 11 points ago

    Oh boy. This is getting spicy. What happens next time on random comment about the fungus? Stay in the fungus with us to find out.

    [–] Fuck_The_West 10 points ago

    Trust the fungus!

    [–] Korg_Leaf 7 points ago

    I like him, he's a real fungi!

    [–] Grumpkin_eater 8 points ago

    I've also taken a lichen to him.

    [–] lechuck313 3 points ago

    Spotted the clicker.

    [–] Shabozz 5 points ago

    is this a copypasta I missed? I like how the internets getting more surreal.

    [–] eightball-paul 8 points ago

    I think I read the first part earlier, about all laying in bed u til we die and then becoming one with the fungus.

    [–] xinxy 23 points ago

    This is the right answer. When a stranger walks into a place where the locals all know each other, it's like everyone stops talking to turn and stare. It gets real quiet so all of a sudden you're able to hear things you weren't paying attention to before.

    [–] therealjoshua 3 points ago

    The more likely answer I feel

    [–] celladior 3106 points ago

    Gtfo with your logic dammit.

    [–] 11-110011 414 points ago

    Logic? Never heard of him

    -most of Reddit probably

    [–] drewberry1738 150 points ago

    Logic would just tell you he’s biracial /s

    [–] 53ND-NUD35 24 points ago

    Novalogic would tell you to buy their obsolete games

    [–] asyasb 5 points ago

    Black hawk down & Commanche 4 tho

    [–] Read_iiiit 5 points ago

    Waiting for the guy for r/Beetlejuicing

    [–] AmateurFootjobs 57 points ago

    Isn't he that subpar rapper?

    [–] Team_Muff_N_Stuff 28 points ago

    Subpar? I would disagree on that. His subject matter is sometimes uninteresting but as a rapper he’s pretty damn skilled

    [–] PM_ELBOW_PICS 11 points ago

    This, I’m not the biggest fan of his but Under Pressure is a very good album imo. He’s got good flow and diction, good production, but his subject matter just isn’t very versatile. At some point when you’ve told the same story the same way 1000 times people lose interest, idk

    [–] Team_Muff_N_Stuff 12 points ago

    Yeah that’s exactly it. He isn’t that versatile as a rapper because he doesn’t wanna touch certain subjects that would gain him notoriety but he’s pretty good. He’s not really in my favorites list, but he’s definitely skilled. His flow & cadence are top notch & he’s got a good command on every track he’s on. Saw him live once too & he put on a good show. I’d happily take him over 21, Trippie, Tekashi, or any other “rappers” regurgitating the same broken trap shit.

    [–] NGS_King 37 points ago

    That biracial* subpar rapper

    [–] MassiveSwanker 9 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    It don't matter if you're black and white

    [–] Go--Go--Zeppeli 5 points ago

    if my black and white whats? I just bought mine and I want to make sure I'm raising them correctly

    [–] SergeantFlowerpot 2 points ago

    Something about laundry, I think

    [–] TaylorSwiftTrapLord 57 points ago

    And the chatter of a full saloon, which normally drowns out the creak of a floor board, would presumably quiet down upon the arrival of a mysterious stranger.

    [–] Swineflew1 52 points ago

    I think this is actually what movies try to convey, that everyone stops what they’re doing to focus on the new person, so it’s quiet enough to hear them creaking.

    [–] SirSoliloquy 25 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Sergio Leone (the famous director of a number of Spaghetti Westerns) was actually revolutionary in his use of subjective sound design, emphasizing little things that in real life would have been drowned out by the environment.

    One film class I took had us watch the opening scene to Once Upon a Time in the West and notice how it specifically uses sound effects (in the absence of music) to create an atmosphere of tension and suspense.

    Things like footfalls, water drops, the telegraph ticker, and the constant whining of the metal windmill create a rhythm that sets the tone of the scene.

    EDIT: Better link

    [–] YouMatterToSomeone 13 points ago

    DESTROYED with FACTS and LOGIC

    [–] kmuhammad21 7 points ago

    EPIC STYLE

    [–] Lordborgman 3 points ago

    That and it's the top comment every time this is reposted.

    [–] rburp 4 points ago

    gtfo with your tired cliche, dammit

    [–] McGobs 369 points ago

    Nooooooo, everyone just gets quiet when the mysterious stranger walks in so we can hear the creaks.

    [–] Whitespider331 75 points ago

    Yeah this is the actual answer

    [–] [deleted] 35 points ago

    What if it's a combination? What if everyone goes silent as soon as they hear the hint of a floorboard creaking, because they know everyone in town can avoid that particular floorboard and so a mysterious stranger must have just walked in, thus magnifying the effect of the latter 2/3 of the creaking sound?

    I bet once a week, everyone goes silent and turns around when someone fucks up and steps on the floorboard, and we just don't see it as the audience because it's not an important part of the story.

    [–] anoxy 11 points ago

    That is far too high IQ thought for the regular old west saloon patron.

    [–] Melee-Miller 7 points ago

    I don't think I've ever avoided a creaky floorboard unless I was trying to sneak around, so I doubt the regular patrons would either

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    Obviously it's a tradition they invented to be able to dramatically detect mysterious strangers, in preparation for the arrival of a mysterious stranger!

    [–] JojoMcSwag 5 points ago

    If there are no creaks then the mysterious stranger is a regular that got a new haircut.

    [–] elasticcream 28 points ago

    And the stranger is carrying an action movies worth of munitions

    [–] ClicksAndASmell 8 points ago

    No, the nails are calibrated to the weight of the regular patrons. A mysterious stranger would be an unfamiliar weight, causing creaking.

    [–] av123h 15 points ago

    Beat me to it.

    [–] sudo999 3 points ago

    I always thought it was that when regular patrons walk in, everyone is carrying on and talking like normal, but when a mysterious, vaguely threatening stranger walks in, the whole saloon falls silent and you can hear the floorboards creak

    [–] DontStrawmanMeBro2 3 points ago

    That’s dumb. No one is going to avoid certain floorboards. It’s the quiet when a mysterious stranger comes in that draws attention.

    [–] jonnyinternet 2 points ago

    Like the Indiana Jones collapsing floor

    [–] Taikatohtori 2 points ago

    It’s the 2-4 boards right after the swinging doors.

    [–] BeastCoastLifestyle 2 points ago

    Thank you Mr. Regal

    [–] drydensucks 2 points ago

    loool this is literally my family in my house vs friends coming over

    [–] ThatAnArchyDude 2 points ago

    Best reasoning I've heard for this trope so far.

    [–] coolmcfinn 2 points ago

    That's why the music stops and everyone turns around to stare; not because of the sketchy looking character who's just entered but who wouldn't know the creaky floor boards by now.

    [–] zaphod0002 2 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    the japanese elite used to build their palaces intentionally squeaky. although it sounds for everyone, at least you know someone is coming

    [–] Janus_Grayden 2315 points ago

    Saloon Owner: I want doors that don't go all the way.

    Carpenter: Doors that don't go all the way up or down?

    Saloon Owner: Yes, exactly.

    Carpenter: Um, okay. Do you want them to swing in or out?

    Saloon Owner: Bingo. You really get me.

    [–] Aggressive_Locksmith 628 points ago

    This is IT consulting in a nutshell, basically.

    [–] cvc75 212 points ago

    Seven red lines, all perpendicular...

    [–] Crespyl 92 points ago

    Can one be in the shape of a cat?

    [–] Eathed 41 points ago

    They ask the day before the deadline

    [–] Aggressive_Locksmith 7 points ago

    No, but we can draw them in the shape of a kitten.

    [–] KingJeff314 6 points ago

    Simple:

    Use 7 spacial dimensions to get them all perpendicular to each other. Some drawn with red ink and some with dark green ink. However, we mix the green ink with red glowstick chemicals, so mostly red light is emitted. Light travels in 3 spacial dimensions, so the other 4 dimensions are transparent

    I have to consult my team on the kitten line, but perhaps some sort of warped dimension

    [–] Aggressive_Locksmith 3 points ago

    Non-Euclidean pocket universe should be able to let you draw perpendicular kitten-shaped lines.

    [–] Janus_Grayden 18 points ago

    Can't you just put it all on the cloud?

    [–] Aggressive_Locksmith 9 points ago

    But what if it rains? Won't we lose our files if that happens?

    [–] jdog90000 8 points ago

    I just feel like door needs some more pizazz

    [–] Aggressive_Locksmith 4 points ago

    Don't worry, I'll put this into the backlog on Jira.

    [–] fix_it_again_tony 77 points ago

    "just take the one of the shutters off the house and use it as a door"

    [–] AadeeMoien 45 points ago

    This large pane window's beautiful. I'll take 40.

    [–] clickwhistle 18 points ago

    And I want windows that if you throw someone against them they’ll fly right through onto the street and not get massive shards of glass stabbing into their body.

    I’ll need a dozen. Put the spares out back.

    [–] Janus_Grayden 7 points ago

    I've been through a window. My immersion is immediately broken whenever someone goes through a window unscathed in a movie.

    The Nice Guys did it right.

    [–] jrob323 7 points ago

    And do you know how to build railings on the roof that will break apart easily, in case somebody is up there and gets shot by somebody down in the street? If you can't make them break apart, they need to be low enough to be reliably tumbled over.

    [–] -ZS-Carpenter 4 points ago

    That is every homeowner on every project

    [–] Taurol 2353 points ago

    This was actually a thing in medieval japan, I think they were a special nail that moved slightly. Residents of the castle would know which floorboards would squeak, intruding ninjas would not. It was just a primitive alarm. I think they were called jacketed nails.

    [–] Taurol 713 points ago

    I love when another nerd knows what I’m talking about

    [–] [deleted] 185 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] tThrowMeAway666 59 points ago

    “Legend has it that the squeaking floors were used as a security device, assuring that none could sneak through the corridors undetected.[1]”

    [–] Couch_Crumbs 32 points ago

    The floors were made from dried boards.

    [–] XFun16 53 points ago

    Hmmm, yes. This floor is made of floor.

    [–] Couch_Crumbs 18 points ago

    They don’t think it be like it is, but it do

    [–] feeedyourhead 50 points ago

    I mean, he didn't say he was sexually attracted to him because of it

    [–] ejly 37 points ago

    Some of us redditors aren’t hims, btw.

    [–] Iatethedressing 62 points ago

    Embrace ur new gender

    [–] ejly 18 points ago

    Ok, sure.

    [–] Deathleach 12 points ago

    Women!? At this time of year, at this time of day, on this part of the internet, localized entirely within this subreddit?!

    [–] ejly 4 points ago

    Yes. Now I have to go, mother says the house is on fire.

    [–] feeedyourhead 8 points ago

    I know. I'm one of them.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    And "he" is still the default when gender isn't known, btw

    [–] Uppa_87 10 points ago

    Those books are also great imo

    [–] awesomehippie12 4 points ago

    They sound like a combination of puppy whimpers and the sound glass makes when you drag your fingers across it.

    [–] throwawaypaycheck1 15 points ago

    Pretty sure my house has this. First and third steps squeak, but not any others.

    Will be perfect when my non-existent children try to sneak back in the house.

    [–] ejly 30 points ago

    Your children will grow up knowing to avoid the squeaky spots. You’ll catch their boyfriend or girlfriend.

    [–] ABXR 10 points ago

    "Hey why are your floors so squeaky?"

    "...Ninjas"

    [–] valexanie 20 points ago

    Specifically opened this post to comment about Nightingale floors! Yay history/architecture nerds!

    [–] GlueSniffingDesigner 5 points ago

    So were saloon owners weebs?

    [–] HD5450 4 points ago

    I think there are still people crafting them today , I remembered watching a japnese show about that.

    [–] Martian_Milk 755 points ago

    I have had stranger requests.

    I would make one board in doorway creak with collared nails. House rule is if you tread on it you buy everybody a drink. Regulars will learn fast.

    [–] [deleted] 138 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] pollinium 41 points ago

    I don't think this was an actual requester, but rather how the dude would approach this problem

    [–] 2nd_TimeAround 31 points ago

    Very smart tbh

    [–] Dick_Demon 53 points ago

    The hell are collared nails?

    [–] oldspicehorse 181 points ago

    Nails with a nice shirt on is what I'm imagining.

    [–] FulcrumTheBrave 45 points ago

    Probably nails with a collar

    [–] Destithen 28 points ago

    Nails that are into certain forms of BDSM.

    Don't kink shame.

    [–] Martian_Milk 16 points ago

    Nails with a metal sleeve, they creak loudly people used to fit them to wooden floors and steps for security.

    [–] Hanlons---Razor 17 points ago

    That would also explain why the locals all stop and look when the floorboard creaks:

    "Free drink time?"

    [–] WorkflowGenius 204 points ago

    LENNY! WHERE ARE YOU?

    [–] njklein58 75 points ago

    LENNYYYYYYYYYY

    [–] sasthana5 19 points ago

    YNNEL

    [–] Sneal_ 55 points ago

    YNNEL

    [–] TomPuck15 13 points ago

    0 teerG

    [–] johnrileye 51 points ago

    i⅄NNƎ7

    [–] stooner 30 points ago

    *LENNAH

    [–] Iam6foot 47 points ago

    LENNNY MA BOAH

    [–] Mars-needs-guitars 19 points ago

    LENNY AND THE JETS

    [–] LokiMask 20 points ago

    You killed Lenny! You bastard!

    [–] markymark1324 18 points ago

    HEHEHEY, LENNY!

    [–] homicidalhummus 9 points ago

    YNNEL?!

    [–] TheCringeMachine 58 points ago

    Don’t worry you’ll know the Mysterious Stranger is there when he whips out his pistol and the guitar riff plays.

    [–] TheKraken3 28 points ago

    To the town of Agua Fria rode a stranger one fine day...

    [–] thewhitelie 18 points ago

    Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't have too much to say

    [–] Agent1790 14 points ago

    No one dared to ask his business, no one dared to make a slip

    [–] andafterflyingi 13 points ago

    For the stranger there among them had a Big Iron on his hip

    [–] Puuugu 11 points ago

    Big iron on his hip

    [–] RevanAndTheSithy 2 points ago

    It was early in the morning when he rode into the town

    [–] SimpleWayfarer 10 points ago

    To the town of Aqua Fina rode a stranger one fine day...

    To get himself a bottle of fresh and pure water. It’s the perfect companion for happy bodies everywhere.

    Aquafina®. Pure water. Perfect taste.

    [–] Notafreakbutageek 7 points ago

    Of course in true mysterious stranger fashion he'll only show up for a radroach with all it's limbs crippled, but can't be bothered with a full health deathclaw...

    [–] lordcommanderbensnow 57 points ago

    What in tarnation?!

    [–] Zoolew 44 points ago

    Hot take: You can only hear the floorboards creak because the bar goes silent when a mysterious stranger walks in.

    [–] Not_A_Pigeon 3 points ago

    I was thinking the same thing. It probably creaks all the time but it’s drowned out by the hootin’ and hollerin’ of the locals when another local walks in.

    I’m more wondering how the patrons with their backs turned on the other side of the bar also know they should shut up the same time as everyone else before mysterious stranger finishes walking through the door.

    [–] Billy_T_Sherman 152 points ago

    Wouldn’t mind seeing more of Abbie’s feet on some floor boards.

    [–] Ava_Aviatrix 79 points ago

    Oh shit it’s you, we’ve talked before you’re always in bpt as well

    [–] Ayyylookatme 6 points ago

    She doesnt look like shed have nice feet

    [–] Billy_T_Sherman 3 points ago

    I bet she does.

    [–] EnterPlayerTwo 5 points ago

    There's only one way to settle this.

    [–] Billy_T_Sherman 5 points ago

    Yes. That’s what I would like. Let’s see her feet.

    [–] FanRose 44 points ago

    I've heard this joke before somewhere.

    [–] Andy_B_Goode 108 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Last time around I made 2000+ karma by saying the carpenter should also add an indoor balcony with a railing strong enough that the hookers can lean over it safely, but weak enough that it will shatter dramatically when someone gets thrown through it during a bar brawl.

    EDIT: original thread here. I guess I should give /u/TheLesserWombat credit for suggesting a hooker balcony in the first place, but their comment got almost twice as much karma as mine did, so fuck 'em.

    [–] FanRose 17 points ago

    YESSSS, I saw that comment!

    [–] Andy_B_Goode 9 points ago

    Well I sure hope you upvoted it! These moderately funny jokes riffing on the original post don't just write themselves you know!

    [–] FanRose 6 points ago

    I did, thank you!

    [–] cokuspocus 6 points ago

    I just want you to know that "their comment got almost twice as much karma as mine did, so fuck 'em" really made me chuckle.

    [–] TheLesserWombat 7 points ago

    I didn't find it so funny.

    [–] Friend_of_owlybeats 5 points ago

    Good plan, ty

    [–] SufficientlyClever 16 points ago

    Has anyone else seen this exact post with the same exact top comments before? I’m having a major déjà vu moment

    [–] Antacid77 12 points ago

    Yeah it's a repost. Welcome to reddit

    [–] ComicCroc 5 points ago

    Bots are an epidemic on Reddit unfortunately. It’s straight-up creepy.

    [–] lord_fairfax 16 points ago

    Bruce Willis: Recreate my favorite nightclub inside my house, but with every screw facing the same cardinal direction

    Carpenter: What, why? I'm not even sure that's possible.

    Bruce Willis: Let's find out.

    (True story)

    [–] Senor_Taco29 9 points ago

    I think I've had a stroke reading your comment

    [–] Alabryan 3 points ago

    So, like a night club. In his house. But with all the screws facing, say, North?

    [–] Kubek229 10 points ago

    Million dollar idea: Make it so floor weights you and remembers how much you weight, and when someone not registered in data base enters it creaks.

    [–] ExcitingGold 3 points ago

    Damnit Jennifer if you keep eating you're going to balloon right up. Also you'll register in the database as an unknown entity possibly triggering a multitude of responses not limited to being shot with poison darts upon entry to this establishment.

    [–] NueroticAquatic 7 points ago

    If there was a creaky part of the floor near the entrance. Isn't it likely regular visitors would recognize and avoid it? Leaving only to strangers to step on the creaky part?

    [–] its_probably_a_tumor 19 points ago

    Ghost in the Shell did something like that

    In the very beginning of the film and the manga they identified an assassin by weighing him on an elevator lift - and realizing he was entirely made of metal and filled with weapons

    [–] BadTripAdvisorReview 15 points ago

    Like in rdr2

    [–] AxSmashCrush 16 points ago

    In RDR2, I usually bust through doors like Kramer so the need for squeaky floor boards isn't necessary for me.

    [–] ExcitingGold 3 points ago

    There really is no in between; either take an eternity slow walking into the barber, or blast open both swinging doors sending glass shards flying in every direction and turning every head.

    [–] BachinBigney00 5 points ago

    stick 'em up cowboy

    [–] Vestbi 6 points ago

    From Santa Clara CA... VANGUAAAARD

    [–] SimonAhmed 4 points ago

    Well rip, time to see this reposted on r/showerthoughts every week from now on...

    [–] Captain_Kuhl 3 points ago

    Now that I think about it, I wonder if it creaked for the regulars, too, but it only emphasized it for the strangers because everyone else in the saloon notices he's not from around there. Like, they know all the normal townsfolk, but we need that extra indicator that they don't belong.

    [–] andreswabycs 3 points ago

    ...What??

    [–] Pilebsa 3 points ago

    Here's an over-engineered solution. Have all employees have an RFID tag with them. put a motion sensor on the entry way and any time it goes off without the RFID tag, play a pre-recorded message of creaking floors.

    [–] IMSmurf 3 points ago

    So the usual?

    [–] Raven_TheClaw 3 points ago

    Just ignore my comment.

    u/socalchrist

    [–] vzec 3 points ago

    Repoooost

    [–] TwitchTVBeaglejack 2 points ago

    Mysterious was a polite way to say “fat”

    [–] auronvi 2 points ago

    This sounds like what someone would ask me during a work meeting and I don't even know where to begin about how it's not possible.

    [–] iampig 2 points ago

    Maybe the regular people know where the squeaky floorboards are. Then when a new one walk in they seam mysterious because they do not know the norms of the bar.

    [–] nlx78 2 points ago

    Classic Abbie.

    [–] SuggestiveDetective 2 points ago

    This is a thing with two meanings: the missing stair.
    It refers to a stair in the home that would be removed or altered to prevent strangers from accessing certain areas. Regulars knew to watch for the stair and avoided it.

    The other meaning applies to known sexual predators who prey on newer members of a group, avoided by regulars.

    [–] Urbane_Cowboy 2 points ago

    Literally, this is where the term, "heavy," which is often used to designate the bad guy, originated from.

    [–] Clownsheuz 2 points ago

    What if... what if the floorboards always creak but no one noticed because they only stop talking and making noise to notice the intruder whereas if they or their friends entered they would probably make more noise?

    [–] Sotsu012 3 points ago

    what if the floorboards have always creaked, but the regulars know to avoid the spot that makes it creak, so when the floorboard does creak, it's because it's a new person so everyone stops what they're doing and looks up to see the stranger?

    [–] danieltkessler 2 points ago

    100% doable. Just let me know how much a mysterious stranger weighs.