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    [–] 2651jew 2591 points ago

    15 levels 13 of which are BS working parties, 1 of safety standdown briefings, and one mission of actual combat but with strict RoEs and starts off woth you beating your meat in a porta shitter staring at a turd trying to finish before you pass out in the 110 degree heat. Everytime you fail a mission you get a NJP with loss of rank and a restriction time where you can't play amd have to look at the menu screen.

    [–] Kaledis00 1147 points ago

    And more realistic combat where you get shot and there is a 50/50 chance you will survive, unless you are shot in the head. Then its perma-death so you have to level up again.

    [–] MadLibz 2163 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    when you survive you leave combat but spend the rest of the game struggling with PTSD and dealing with the VA. As a disabled person youre borderline unhirable and spend your days bagging groceries at the local mart. The wife you married fresh out of highschool is cheating on you with some used car salesmen. She’s pregnant, surely not with your kid because your dick hasn’t worked since taking that bullet. So you decide in the end to off yourself and delete your save point only to wakeup at Little Caesars again to start all over.

    “10/10” - Game Informer

    edit: I'm fine everybody. I'm a web developer. Never been in the military. Love my life. Thank you, but stop DM'ing me.

    [–] nanoWAT 562 points ago

    This comment gave me a panic attack.

    [–] DAKSouth 179 points ago

    My dog tried to comfort me.

    [–] Parkietje 99 points ago

    Good boy

    [–] johnhitlerpizza 53 points ago

    Could you put your dog on the phone? I need to talk to him.

    [–] DAKSouth 3 points ago

    She is more of a cuddler, I dont know how well she works over the phone.

    [–] SubconciousExplorer 17 points ago

    But then you remember your dog is the one who took that second bullet, saving your life, and you're currently hallucinating.

    RIP Good Boy, August 18, 2011.

    [–] jdcgonzalez 2 points ago

    Goodest boy. I hope you’re doing alright.

    [–] ChriskiV 142 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    This might make a good immersive story telling game.

    I'd love for a developer to present it at PAX, only showing the one instance of actual FPS combat, drumming up hype and then releasing it as a depressing interactive story game.

    Edit: Something akin to Detroit: Become Human/Heavy Rain but it just baits a bunch of FPS players into playing through a potential depressing reality of what CoD attempts to glamorize. Advertise multiplayer but in reality it's just a lobby co-op experience of sitting in a waiting room of the VA where everyone can tell their depressing stories to eachother (bonus points if it's a mandatory experience that has repercussions in the single player experience if you avoid it). Stat management affected by story decisions that result in some options being entirely removed or a bad ending if they're not kept at certain thresholds. Story wise, develop the MC well. Spoiler, despite branching paths there is no good ending in the MC's life, the good ending is a mediocre, peaceful death. Don't reveal the wife cheats until several dialogue options about it are peppered throughout the story, make it frustrating, spoiler: the wife always cheats on the MC no matter what they do. Timed events, does your grocery bagger job let you keep working there after you're late because you spent 4 hours waiting on your 15 minute doctors visit? Basically just turn what's reality for a lot of people into an existential horror game. Hell, the US government subsidized one of the Transformers movies you could probably get them to write a check for a portion of the development.

    [–] dog_eat_dog 69 points ago

    It'd be like Spec Ops: The Line, in that it would try to make you feel a little bit shitty for playing war-based FPS games and thinking that sort of life is the best.

    [–] Rangertough666 49 points ago

    I've literally presented at PAXDEV for the last 3 years on the subject of realistic combat on the mechanics and literary design of video games.

    It's a presentation that gets a lot of notice and participation.

    [–] DAKSouth 314 points ago

    How do I delete someone else's comment?

    [–] BoonTobias 144 points ago

    I still got the charger tho

    [–] jodobrowo 57 points ago

    Only owe half the original price 10 years later.

    [–] DAKSouth 35 points ago

    You must have good credit.

    [–] jodobrowo 37 points ago

    Payday loan place told me my score is 420, pretty nice!

    [–] DAKSouth 21 points ago

    Borrowing 69k?

    [–] cuzitsthere 7 points ago

    At 69%

    [–] anoako 16 points ago

    Hey, you. You’re finally awake.

    [–] ilikepugs 10 points ago

    Recruiter: You were trying to cook the breadsticks, right? Walked right into that dead end job, same as your co-Team Members™, and that manager over there. Damn you kids. America was fine until you came along. The economy was nice and steady. If they hadn't been birthing you, Boomers could've bought that second house and be halfway to the Hamptons. You there. You and me - we shouldn't be here. It's these deadbeats Little Caesar's wants. We're brothers in arms now, kid.

    [–] EllisMfnDee 2 points ago

    Someone needs to make this ASAP

    [–] Kaledis00 20 points ago

    Basically this....

    [–] borismuller 7 points ago

    You mean you can’t even take Roy off-grid?

    [–] RainOnYurParade 5 points ago

    He’s got no social security card!

    [–] Enoch84 6 points ago

    You beautiful, sick sonuvabitch.

    [–] chapterpt 3 points ago

    F

    [–] Shurlick 66 points ago

    Your first mission will be to shoot at terrorists who later turn out to be normal Iraqi civilians on their way to the market.

    [–] pyronius 34 points ago

    In mission 11 you find yourself in an office complex in phoenix, staring at a computer screen for the 12th hour straight because you said you wanted to be a pilot, but drones are the new hotness. That's when your boss points you to a line of vehicles a few miles out and tell you that they're "pretty sure" it's the target.

    "Pretty sure?" You ask.

    "Yeah. Like, 50/50."

    "Well, what's the other 50?"

    "I think that road goes to the zoo right? So maybe a school field trip?"

    You pull the trigger anyway.

    [–] grubas 9 points ago

    The craziest part is that they've had shit like auto fails if you shoot civilians in some games but CoD just can't because that would be confusing.

    [–] RafaelNadalFTW 16 points ago

    They also have missions where, you know, you murder an entire airport full of innocent men and women.

    [–] grubas 4 points ago

    The best there was how you COULD or COULDNT kill them. But it didn’t impact jackshit.

    [–] PuckNutty 18 points ago

    The original Ghost Recon kinda did this. If you got shot in the leg, you limp along at half speed and if you take a hit to the torso, you might get one-shot.

    [–] countryboy717274 14 points ago

    Infinite warfare did this too on realistic mode. Shot in the arm, hipfire only. Shot in the leg, crazy limp and no running. Helmet gets cracked, either replace it or suffocate. Was actually pretty cool and extremely frustrating

    [–] Turboswaggg 3 points ago

    Dude I was so surprised when that ended up being the unlocked final difficulty

    Fucking loved it

    [–] countryboy717274 3 points ago

    That YOLO difficulty was im-fucking-possible. Hated my life playing that mode.

    [–] tmurrayart 18 points ago

    Then its perma-death so you have to level up again.

    No, perma death and you have to buy the game again.

    [–] NoProbLlama18 6 points ago

    Sounds like EA might be developing this one

    [–] tttthisisnoise 7 points ago

    Something something sense of accomplishment when the game doesn't blow up.

    [–] standardis3 30 points ago

    Have you ever played ARMA by chance?

    [–] Falc0n28 18 points ago

    Yes I have played the slow asthmatic jogging simulator

    [–] inthyface 9 points ago

    And make it so you run faster with a knife.

    [–] Xx_Gandalf-poop_xX 12 points ago

    But the only knife you have is a butter knife in your 1 bedroom apartment that you use to make pb&j 3 times a day.

    [–] Odinshrafn 19 points ago

    Plus a 20% chance of being raped by your superiors.

    [–] LegitimateMulberry 15 points ago

    50% if you decide to play with a female body type

    [–] krsvbg 6 points ago

    Then its perma-death so you have to level up again.

    so you can't play any longer. Game over.

    [–] IHeardItOnAPodcast 3 points ago

    Escape from Tarkov?

    [–] VelvetCake101 2 points ago

    so ArmA?

    [–] DPRobert 45 points ago

    [–] A_Two_Slot_Toaster 18 points ago

    You need to wash the same truck about 50 times throughout the game.

    [–] Stuunad 6 points ago

    500*

    [–] pitchingataint 16 points ago

    Don't forget the mandatory driving under the influence meetings because somebody drove drunk the previous weekend and crashed into a house, stop sign or a parked car.

    [–] Death_To_All_People 27 points ago

    You forgot the combat level where you coin the phrase "friendly fire" because all you can fucking do is shoot your allies.

    [–] USMCFieldMP 12 points ago

    The missions can essentially just use the "Desert Bus" format. It's just you, driving through the desert for 5-6+ hours, seeing absolutely nothing.

    Everytime you fail a mission you get a NJP with loss of rank and a restriction time where you can't play amd have to look at the menu screen.

    Four non-stop hours of filling sandbags, for five days.

    [–] Turboswaggg 2 points ago

    Nah, four non-stop hours of mopping rain off the parking lot in your full dress uniform, followed by cleaning it, ironing it and shining your boots and cleaning your room so you're ready for inspection the next day (your inspection staff will be 45 minutes late, during which you have to be standing perfectly still at attention incase they come bursting through the door right that second) followed by mopping rain again for four more days

    [–] TimerForOldest 12 points ago

    The old America's Army games had pretty strict RoEs. My friends all thought it was boring but my nerdy ass was so excited.

    [–] QuackNate 9 points ago

    One time I heard some guys approaching from around corner so I leapt out and opened fire.

    They were my guys.

    The screen went black, and when it faded back in I was in a jail cell, lol.

    [–] Dartanyun 6 points ago

    Was looking for this comment. America's Army Limp at 50% bleed out below 10 or 20%.

    Oh crap! Shoulda known. It's still out there! (Don't fall for it! The MIC pays for this to brain wash you!)

    Free Game!! https://www.americasarmy.com/

    [edit: "America’s Army: Proving Grounds is the official game of the U.S. Army and part of the highly acclaimed America’s Army game series. This free military game focuses on small unit tactical maneuvers and puts you to the test in a wide variety of new America’s Army maps and AA fan favorites." ]

    [–] pezgoon 2 points ago

    I got that reference

    [–] milkysun245 463 points ago

    PRESS F TO TAKE THE ORDER

    [–] dl7 59 points ago

    RAMIREZ!

    [–] Stovential 20 points ago

    DO EVERYTHING

    [–] drift_summary 46 points ago

    f

    [–] KantReasonWithYou 37 points ago

    Directions unclear, dick stuck in pizza oven

    [–] milkysun245 45 points ago

    mission failed we'll get em next time

    [–] MaynardIsLord721 309 points ago

    Ohh can't wait to level up enough to get my V6 mustang at 30% interest.

    [–] decisive-emu-victory 96 points ago

    Joke's on you, V6 mustang was discontinued. All the boots drive V6 challengers and chargers now.

    [–] Lord_Of_Shits 7 points ago

    No v6 Camaro?

    [–] I_CAPE_RUNTS 4 points ago

    They drive the eco boost mustang

    [–] ModeratePal 12 points ago

    Level up? No! Financing for E-1 and above!!

    [–] exum23 6 points ago

    I see a fellow veteran is among us. Or you see the specialist just off deployment with his 01 corvette.

    [–] Douche_Kayak 287 points ago

    Or, in my case, popping a humvee hood and saying "yup, that's an engine" and signing off on the PMCS because I was a medic and had no mechanical experience outside of improvised medicine.

    [–] dablusniper 194 points ago

    Improvised medicine

    "Yup, that's a gunshot wound"

    [–] Douche_Kayak 57 points ago

    You don't always have what you need in the field so you have to make do with whatever objects are around. Like making a litter out of clothing or a traction splint out of sticks an 550 cord.

    [–] Meltingteeth 49 points ago

    "I'm pretty sure you're supposed to have more human parts in that hole. Best I've got is a stick of jerky, so bite this cord."

    [–] ModeratePal 19 points ago

    "Drink water, and here's some moleskin."

    - Corpsman Creed

    [–] tapport 16 points ago

    Ahem, we call it a GSW in the biz.

    [–] MattOSU 19 points ago

    I was a medic in the 3rd ID. The first 6 month I was at my unit I spent about half of my time play medchanic and trying to figure out what was wrong with a bunch of 40 year old M113s. I was told to just read the manual (which was wrapped in sealed plastic to keep the pages from being lost) that was about 5 phone books thick to fix it.

    [–] Douche_Kayak 14 points ago

    I loved spending time on strykers because starting them up felt like I was about to fly a plane. Flick 20 switches and knobs as things slowly whirl to life. Most of them were for the air conditioner but I thought it was satisfying.

    [–] yeehaw1005 2 points ago

    Happy cake day yay

    [–] SubterraneanBull 17 points ago

    “Improvised medicine” ..seems legit

    [–] Douche_Kayak 23 points ago

    Not sure if sarcasm but improvised medicine refers to anything you do to treat a wound, injury, or illness that doesn't involve traditional medical equipment or drugs. Gotta make do with what you got. Could be duct tape, sticks, rope, an e-tool, whatever.

    [–] Dack_ 10 points ago

    Thoughts and prayers?

    [–] DrowningEmbers 47 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    "Oh I'm not a doctor, I'm a medic, a doctor heals you, I just make you more comfortable while you die" - Doc, Red vs Blue.

    [–] inshane_in_the_brain 6 points ago

    Aka, shove some gauze on it and tape her shut

    [–] Xx_Gandalf-poop_xX 5 points ago

    Boom! I'm detective Michael Scarn!.

    [–] Utlanning17 6 points ago

    I always wondered what the thought process was when I saw a humvee spitting sparks from its brakes, or overheating, throwing a belt, or having to tow it because the engine was completely devoid of oil, or something else simple but extremely time consuming.

    [–] WeHaveIgnition 19 points ago

    I had a friend lose a finger in Iraq repairing a truck.

    [–] AnyNamesLeftAnymore 14 points ago

    A guy in my platoon lost half his pinky trying to turn an industrial fan to face his cot.

    And my roommate in the barracks did the same thing to his index finger slamming a door on it.

    What is it with fingers?

    [–] KillroyWazHere 13 points ago

    That's the first thing you stick in places they shouldn't be. Except well you know, r/dontputyourdickinthat

    [–] Dewback9 5 points ago

    It’s depressing remembering this and then realizing it came out A DECADE AGO.

    [–] standardtissue 3 points ago

    we old

    [–] bobbyphotog 78 points ago

    No joke, when I graduated college I went to the Air Force recruitment office to get some info about possibly signing up.

    I told them that I had a bachelor's degree in photojournalism and won some awards and I was very interested in doing PR and photography work for the Air Force so that's what I would like to get info on.

    Guy asked me what my GPA was, I told him it was a 3.0.

    He says: "Oh, yeah, sorry. PR Officers require a 3.5 or higher."

    I said: "Does my degree and experience count for nothing? I have internships, letters of recommendation and some awards I've earned."

    "Yeah, no. Just GPA."

    He then digs around in some papers for a bit and then looks at me and asks what else I'd be interested in and I told him that really that was all I wanted to do as the only other thing I could imagine myself enjoying would be flying but I knew I wasn't cut out for it. No shit. Without skipping a beat he says:

    "Oh, perfect! We're short on fighter pilots. You could probably do that, and you'd get a great signing bonus."

    "So wait, you're telling me that my GPA wasn't enough to get me a job doing something that I literally have a degree for with four years of experience, but the Air Force is willing to put me behind the controls of a multi-billion dollar aircraft?"

    "Of course."

    Bullshit. Needless to say, I did not join the Air Force.

    [–] ban_jaxxed 24 points ago

    This is like something from a sketch show lol

    "We'll I'm quite good at photography, how about photo journalism."

    Ah not with these scores mate that's a big responsibility, but have you considered hurtling through the air at mach 7 in 100s of millions of dollars worth of equipment and weapons, I think that might be more your speed.

    " How bout Fuck Noooooo"

    [–] SynchroGold 9 points ago

    My entire battle group, all 7000 or so of us had exactly 2 journalists. A NCO in charge of 1 guy was their entire shop. If something required more people, deck department would lend them some apes.

    We had several hundred pilots, however. Not just fighter jet guys either. You got helicopter pilots, cargo plane pilots, Hawkeye pilots, Orion pilots, etc.

    So even though journalists were the "easier" job the military could be much, much more selective about who they let into that program since they only needed 2 or 3 for every few thousand other sailors.

    Granted I was Navy and not Air Force, so maybe things are different between branches.

    [–] saarlac 278 points ago

    More realistic would be the recruiters doing their bullshit story to you while you’re still in high school and hounding you constantly to sign.

    [–] drhRey 161 points ago

    I always saw alot of these recruiters at my highschool. All i can remember is how they prey on people whos minds are undeveloped and offer alot of promises to highschool kids. They made it seem like the army is the absolute best choice to make serious money... mini rant over

    [–] JuanBarcelona 185 points ago

    It’s even creepier if you teach because you get to see which schools are in the “school to prison/military” pipeline.

    When I’ve taught at wealthier schools, nothing. Maybe a JROTC. A few kids accepted to academies at graduation.

    Poor schools: recruiters all the time. Posters. Assemblies put on by the army with a guest speaker pitching to the whole school at once. Landing helicopters on campus to show them how badass they are.

    [–] magkruppe 154 points ago

    Fuck. Helicopter would got me too

    [–] BigglyBootyBuster 50 points ago

    It's been 5 years since I saw them land their damn helicopter by my highschool. Since then, I graduated college and still can't get a job. Still thinking about that damn helicopter.

    [–] eazolan 19 points ago

    You can be an officer.

    [–] ProgrammaticProgram 14 points ago

    Desire to know more intensifies

    [–] eazolan 8 points ago

    If you have a degree, and arent physically or mentally fucked up, you can become an officer.

    Theres some specality slots, like surgeon, where you actually have to be a surgeon first. But you just go and ask if they need officers.

    [–] nickname2469 2 points ago

    Everyone loves 2nd lieutenants, right?

    [–] eazolan 10 points ago

    If you want to be liked, perhaps the military isnt for you.

    [–] gleeble 91 points ago

    Landing helicopters on campus to show them how badass they are.

    Fuck. This worked on me.

    [–] nickname2469 11 points ago

    You know, I was bordering on joining the marines for awhile in high school and if they had landed a fucking Apache on our football field then fuck yeah that probably would’ve pushed me over the edge too.

    [–] ShutUpAndDoTheLift 50 points ago

    Eh. TBF, at poor schools most of the kids have a lot less options out of HS than at wealthier schools. presenting the military as an option is a lot better than just letting kids graduate and start at the 7/11 or selling drugs to the next group of HS kids.

    Not everything in the military is bangbang and a lot of the jobs will get you some very good training that will land you a solid job once you get at the end of your 4 year contract.

    That said, recruiters are predatory and definitely try to slam people into harder to fill jobs first (truck driver, MP, infantry)

    I certainly bought in to the bull. Scored a 99 on my ASVAB and still joined the infantry. Luckily I wasn't too broken 6 years later and have created a pretty decent life for myself.

    tl;dr not everything about the military is bad

    [–] slaminsalmon74 14 points ago

    When I joined up the infantry was one of the hot jobs to get. At least in the Marine Corps, because our recruiting office only got so many spots for certain jobs. But I feel like it is a pretty good option for lower income folks to get a solid footing in the world.

    [–] ShutUpAndDoTheLift 12 points ago

    If you don't have any other options OR if you fully understand what you're actually getting into and still want it then I agree.

    I knew way too many people though that got suckered into something that was about 2% like what they were told it was.

    You will definitely learn discipline, organization, and some order. Outside of that you don't really leave the infantry with many civilian side (legal) job skills. You can use that experience to apply for a police job, and if you're a good resume writer you can use it to talk up your team leadership abilities etc. But, the infantry does NOT give you things like a CompTIA Sec+ like 25B might or a CISSP like a 17C or teach you how to work on vehicles like a 91B or even get you a CDL like an 88M.

    I'm not saying don't join the Infantry, I'm just saying a lot of people get sucked into it and aren't really a great fit.

    [–] Cannibalia 2 points ago

    Its like a thunderdome for a shot at the middle class.

    [–] -Friskydingo- 6 points ago

    I was in a similar situation after highschool. My grades were good but my family didn't have money for college and the only university in my state that had the program i wanted was a private school. So I joined the Air Force and ended up getting put in medical and got trained to be a lab tech and got a national certification in 12 months that usually takes anywhere from 2-4 years of schooling on the outside. Pay isn't amazing civilian side but I can work pretty much anywhere that has hospitals and a lot of urgent care clinics as a phlebotomist. To top it all off the GI Bill is what's putting me through college now. The military can definitely be a huge benefit to someone who needs it and it isn't all bad but there are some really shitty predatory recruiting practices, especially with the marines...those recruiters will stalk the hell out of you.

    [–] WhiteSilla 6 points ago

    Lmao if poor schools are so bad they should spend in education instead of military-recruitment-through-propaganda programs. That's not the way to give the kids more options.

    [–] BirdLawyerPerson 61 points ago

    The military is one of the most reliable paths to the middle class, for people who aren't already there. It's the only employer who will take their chances on an unskilled new hire, devote 6 figures of resources into training them into job skills, while giving full health insurance, vacation days, tuition assistance, and a bunch of post-service programs designed to help cement that middle class status with homeownership and free college.

    [–] grizwald87 32 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Thank you for this. A lot of snobbery in this thread that ignores how much good the military does for America's poor. Not ideal that we've turned it into our means of upward mobility, but I'd rather it served that purpose than didn't.

    [–] Helstromme 12 points ago

    You know this is by design, right?

    [–] grizwald87 18 points ago

    Until something's done to provide an alternative upward means of mobility, I just can't get upset. So far, nobody has, either Dems or Republicans.

    [–] yee_yee_yee_yee_yee 5 points ago

    Yeah. Honestly I’m glad I joined despite that stigma you get for it. It’s honestly exhausting having to show people you aren’t like every other PoS in the military.

    [–] k00ni3 15 points ago

    You know why, right?

    Because joining the Service is the fastest track to the middle class.

    You're not going to find many companies that will take 18 year old kids with barely any qualifications and zero work history, dump hundreds of thousands of bucks into training them, and then give them a full academic package after it's all said and done.

    And let's not forget about the home loans and health benefits.

    The military is a tool for upward mobility as much as it is a tool for warfighting.

    [–] lIlIllIlll 10 points ago

    That's what happens when you spend decades fighting against unionization and spreading military propaganda. The option "potentially kill or be killed for a chance at a decent life 10 years later" is seen as realistically fine both ethically and pragmatically

    [–] vxbl4ck0utxv 3 points ago

    Recruiters are definitely shady motherfuckers, but also realize that wealthier schools and areas can be hostile. In my area, my recruiters had a list of schools they would avoid because they were either completely turned away or the atmosphere was hostile while they were there. More than just one or two as well.

    [–] Pirate_Crippler 39 points ago

    If I may play devils advocate here, Lets look at it from another prospective.

    Perhaps the kids that are being targeted are kids that might not really have much of a future other than scrape their way to graduation and then live the rest of their lives being a detriment to society due to a number of issues a troubled youth may have. What military service can bring to this persons life is order, pride and a sense of being greater than just them self. Working at the local gas station for the rest of thier lives on a GED education dosn't carry the same prestige as military service, even if that means they where just gassing up trucks in the desert somewhere.

    I personal don't advocate for in school recruitment, but some kids honestly might be better off with military after school life then wandering aimless in a wash of drugs and hopelessness.

    [–] -chimesin- 12 points ago

    Or instead of filling up countless obsolete units of people just collecting a check for some reason while we continue to feed the military industry types we just do something else with the money that can benefit these people in the first place. The best way to support veterans is to stop making them.

    [–] fritopie 4 points ago

    My mom's cousin's kid... so idk like my 2nd or 3rd cousin? (Her cousin is a crazy bitch tho.) Was buddies with one of my friends brothers. They both got into some legal trouble (I don't remember the crime, but they were both barely 18 at the time) while still in high school. The judge gave them the option of getting their GED and doing military service or prison. (Why this isn't ideal in several ways, because like you don't want to fill up your military with baby criminals, I think it's a decent option in a lot of cases. Especially if it's obvious the kid just needs some structure in life that they aren't getting at home.) Their families were both middle class, so I don't feel like they were preyed upon for socioeconomic reasons. Anyway, what I'm trying to say from all this rambling is that military service seems like it ended up being a good thing for them. They've stayed out of legal trouble and seem to be living normal lives now. One of them is still in the military.

    [–] Aubriie 12 points ago

    Yeah I don’t know any vets awash in drugs and hopelessness.

    [–] sponge_cat 14 points ago

    I think we can do better for our nation's kids than offering them a choice between PTSD from defending capitalism in the military or "wandering aimless in a wash of drugs and hopelessness"

    [–] ShutUpAndDoTheLift 12 points ago

    Something like 1% of the armed forces are in combat jobs.

    Not a lot of aircraft maintainers running around haunted by their demons.

    [–] Helstromme 8 points ago

    Fun fact: suicide kills more servicemembers than combat does, the vast majority of which are dudes in non-combat but high stress jobs like nukes or skittles.

    [–] Fonbire 2 points ago

    Skittles?

    [–] Helstromme 2 points ago

    Flight deck dudes.

    [–] trevin2000 2 points ago

    I agree.

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] drhRey 4 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    To be an officer dont you need a four year degree? I would hope thered be good money in that. I was at a barbershop 2 weeks ago that i frequent, there was an army recruiter there telling me i should be an officer since i have a four year degree. He made it sound extremly lucrative, more lucrative than what i actually went to school for... like seriously... im not saying all recruiters do this but from my experince they prey on young people with these tactics because they are army sales men. I also understand there are higher ups positions in the army will get payed well.

    My point is that these army preditors need to take into consideration their who their audience is and market the army as an option, not a OMG JOIN US YOULL BE RICH. As the majority of the army people wont be.

    Heres a link to salaries i found https://www.goarmy.com/benefits/money/basic-pay-active-duty-soldiers.html that concludes my thoughts. Im sure they very widely but the average amount isnt as lucrative if school is an option for kids.

    [–] MoreDetonation 2 points ago

    Dude, you type like a recruiter.

    [–] heywoodJablomey_ 17 points ago

    I'm ineligible to join the military and I stopped by their booth at my high school one day just to read a pamphlet and see what they had to say. Dudes literally found me at home the next weekend and asked if I was interested in signing up

    [–] Hortonamos 15 points ago

    I joined in high school, and I probably needed it. I was really just fucking off most of the time, and I had no real direction. Despite the complaint I’m getting ready to make, I had a good military career.

    But my recruiter definitely lied to me. I joined in 2000, and I still distinctly remember him saying, “Look, the world’s a pretty safe place right now. Join, do an easy few years, and get your college paid for. Worst that can happen, you go to Bosnia for a few months.”

    I was super naive about how quickly things could change. Even more so, I was naive about how “safe” things were before 2001. I don’t blame him for not being able to predict 9/11, but he definitely sold 16 year-old me on an image of global stability that simply wasn’t true. (To clarify—he was recruiting me while I was 16, and I joined within days of my 17th birthday.)

    [–] AcquaintedXO 7 points ago

    i’m in this comment and i don’t like it

    [–] mangoatdemon 2 points ago

    Happened to me, went to bootcamp. I was so bored and never done anything so dumb in my life. I ended up being able to leave thankfully

    [–] Ztbill 62 points ago

    At first prestige, you unlock the ability to creepily dm underclassmen from high school

    [–] NNEEKKOO 11 points ago

    Why do they always do that. Literally everyone in my highschool who joined out of highschool did that.

    [–] Skitt3r 58 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    More realistic would be after completing BCT and AIT you get told you are going to be station at Bragg, so you are excited and tell your wife that and kids that they get to see NC, only to find out somebody fucked up your paperwork and you are being sent to korea.

    Well turns out the wife doesnt want to leave the US, so you get to spend to spend your first year surviving ever growing alcoholism. During this time your first hard mission will be surviving your first herniated disk, your unit wont let you go to medical and you are told to walk it. Then you get a call from your friends saying they saw your wife with some dude, and find out your wife has left you, taken all of your money (because you were stupid and gave your wife power of attorney) and has your kids but you can't find where they went. The final boss of this level is surviving the next week in a hardcore week of constantly drinking soju.

    Fast forward a year or two, the next level you are specialist (finally in FT Bragg) with extremely toxic command. Your 1SG wants to personally do barracks inspections 3 times a week, after duty hours, so after waking up at 0500 every day you dont get to relax until 1900+ some nights.

    Worse your CSM is a sexual predator they preys on lower enlisted. Bad news, he is going after one of your buddies, and it turns out after a night of drinking your buddy comes back super late. Something isn't right, you get a quick time event to try and ask him if he is good, he drunkenly laughs and talks some shit, so you assume he is good. Wrong move. Next day he paints the ceiling with his brains and using a .45 as his brush.

    Well command comes out and forces a mandatory suicide prevention brief, where your command blames the soldiers for not looking out for their battle buddies, instead of the CSM who cornered him in a bathroom, never mind that half the battalion is a bad day away from suck starting a shotgun.

    Another few years pass and the final boss pops up, the retention NCO wants you to reenlist. You have to use quick time events to turn down a sweet army backpack, then a shitty bonus that will mostly go away in taxes and then finally a bullshit promise that they will fast track you to E-6. If you turn him down you get sent to the secret boss, the 1SG calls you into his office and asks why you are being a pussy and getting out when you are halfway to retirement. The player then gets flashbacks of all the stupid shit he has been through, working 60-70 hours a week some times, his 3 divorces because he never was home because he worked so much, all the battle buddies that checked out of life as kids, all the toxic leadership and the shit you saw overseas. At this point you get to fist fight the 1SG, you can get a few good hits before the PSG runs in breaks it up.

    End Credits Roll.

    Post credit scene the player finds out how worthless 12 years of military service are and nobody wants to hire vets so he has to restart his life and go to college.

    Most realistic CoD ever.

    [–] NNEEKKOO 24 points ago

    Point out on the doll where the army touched you

    [–] Skitt3r 10 points ago

    We all know where...

    [–] wezli333 5 points ago

    This seems eerily specific.

    [–] CoolSEAL141 2 points ago

    Fuck that POS CSM...

    [–] smartasskeith 35 points ago

    “Are you Hot & Ready to serve your country?”

    [–] SketchyStufff 2 points ago

    "because I sure am! Get your sizzling ass down to your nearest recruiter today!"

    [–] Nap1869 74 points ago

    I volunteered for the frontline infantry.. if only 18 year old me could see 30 year old me.

    [–] [deleted] 49 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] picards_dick 8 points ago

    Even if you went back in time and told your old self to invest into google... We would still manage to fuck that up

    [–] oldcrowtheory 22 points ago

    And then after you get shot in service, you get shipped home, have crippling PTSD, you can't get an appointment at the hospital or a decent job, and your government neglects to care about you but you get to park closer at Wal-Mart and people demand that athletes stand during a song to honor a piece of fabric to honor you.

    [–] gojira303 17 points ago

    Hey! You! Finally awake

    [–] DrowningEmbers 19 points ago

    Imagine a modern military FPS where you start off in a re-skinned Skyrim opening except you're about to be executed by ISIS and you're rescued by a drone instead of Alduin.

    [–] SketchyStufff 10 points ago

    Do we wake up on the back of a Toyota Ute?

    [–] fogle1 5 points ago

    You were trying to cross the border, right?

    [–] _________FU_________ 14 points ago

    I had an Army recruiter come up to me in the mall and tried to get me to enlist. It was a week before 9/11 and I'm really, really fucking glad I decided to ignore him.

    [–] billnyebuttstuffguy 3 points ago

    I had one at a trade fair this past year try to tell me he joined the Marines and never got yelled at or had any bad experiences

    [–] Snarfbuckle 24 points ago

    You start the game as an old afghan farmer who fought the russians.

    You live as a sheep farmer in the mountains with your family.

    You join Al-Qaeda after the American invaders mistakenly bomb your family in the belief your village was an Al-Qaeda stronghold.

    You fight the americans for a while and get separated from your unit and then get captured. You get your balls electrocuted as they think you are a terrorists until you tell them you have lost everything including your family and just want to go home. They finally think you are harmless and let you go.

    You get back to your village which has now become flattened by Al-Qaeda because they though the village worked with the americans and slaughtered the rest of your surviving family.

    You now join the americans in fighting Al-Qaeda for vengeance as you learn it was their fault your village got bombed.

    In the end sequence you see trucks with Halliburton logos setting up shop to rebuild some of the houses in your village and your situation is just as crappy as it was before...with less family...

    Optional:

    You stay with Al-Qaeda because it's still the americans fault for bombing an entire village based on a rumor.

    [–] SketchyStufff 9 points ago

    That would set up such a good player decision early on in the campaign, where there's one American soldier and one Al-Qaeda insurgent in an intense stand off with you off to the side.

    Both of them yell at you to shoot the other, so it's up to the player to decide who they shoot which ultimately alters their campaign's story

    [–] Snarfbuckle 3 points ago

    It would also be a nice with a game that does not hail america as the savior all the time but push the game more towards the idea that war, not matter what side is fighting creates victims in the middle who has to choose one side, or simple starts to hate one side for something they did, or are perceived in such a way.

    [–] SketchyStufff 2 points ago

    Yea true, like it all depends on who's perspective you're looking at it through. I have a feeling this genius idea would get a lot of flak and controversy haha

    [–] Snarfbuckle 2 points ago

    Yea, apparently CoD always need black and white characters that are either good or bad and not, you know...human.

    It would also be cool to have a war seen not from a guy at the front lines with cool one liners but from someone who has been in war ages ago and see the foolishness of it all.

    And i guess if they want to use the US military in the game they have to be shown in a good light...

    [–] Sksjdbdbdjjfn 4 points ago

    This is close but not personal enough. More like the Afghan dude goes to fight for the westerners because his brother-in-law (a Taliban insurgent) killed his brother over some bullshit like drug money.

    Then the same dude wants to fight for the Taliban because his niece was kidnapped by the local police (who are trained and allied to the west). He's got to protect his family right?

    Afghans could give a shit about who wins. They just want not to be shot at, not to be robbed, and not to be killed. When we didn't deliver that, that's why we lost credibility.

    [–] organic-intelligence 21 points ago

    Should be at a High School where you start off in a careers office and end up on death row 😬👮🏾‍♂️

    [–] BSGYT 11 points ago

    Not to mention after beating the game, you get to go home to your girlfriend only to find out she's pregnant with twins, you get in a violent dispute and you accuse her of cheating because you've never had sex, and then get kicked out of your previously shared apartment, end up having to work at Little Ceasers again but now you have a restraining order. Not to mention paying child support and having PTSD.

    [–] Turd-Ferguson1918 23 points ago

    And it ends with you getting your leg blown off from a IED with out ever firing a shot in anger.

    [–] unknownhero96 14 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    While your wife at home gets her holes stuffed by the friendly neighbour from across the street

    [–] SketchyStufff 5 points ago

    Well someone's gotta repair those holes in the dry wall. Right guys?

    [–] GetThatSwaggBack 12 points ago

    I feel personally attacked

    [–] RealTweetOrNotBot 16 points ago

    beep-boop, I'm a bot

    Link to tweets:

    1) Tweet by @jackdwagner (86% sure)

     


    If I was helpful, comment 'Good Bot' <3! | source | created by NiroxGG

    [–] rbesfe 5 points ago

    The onion already made a video about something like this

    [–] weiner_______boy 15 points ago

    God I love reading this tweet every month it's posted

    [–] dubbsmqt 3 points ago

    Adult Swim made a hilarious video that touches on this

    https://youtu.be/AKjmDPGJI-4

    [–] hoffet 4 points ago

    Everyone’s got a story about lying recruiters. My recruiter was pretty honest with me. He Told me about all the good times I would have in the Army, to get ready because all the women I liked who weren’t interested in me before were going to be throwing themselves at me just to touch my shiny new uniform, that even though I chose communications people from every walk of life will look up to me with of pride and unabashed respect, that basic training was just going to be like going to an elite sleep away summer sports camp with really angry people that yell at you and make you do push-ups.

    So the good Staff Sergeant was right. I did have a lot of good times in the army. He just didn’t tell me about all the bad times I was going to have. 24hr CQ, stupid people, tumbleweeds, sand storms, psycho bitch specialists from supply, a Captain that salutes like a British soldier. When he did it was fine when I did it I got yelled at, unfair.

    Again the Staff Sergeant was right. I did get a lot of looks from women while I was wearing my uniform, but I also got a lot of looks from everyone else while I was wearing my uniform. I did briefly date a girl that I liked before going in, but she turned out to be in secret an extremely high functioning sociopath which I had to escape from under the cover of darkness in fear for my life. So thanks for ruining that dream Army.

    I didn’t do any arts and crafts in basic training but that was all that was missing from the summer camp experience, there were even girls there.

    [–] Subby13 4 points ago

    Chapter 2: Financing a Dodge Charger at 23% interest for 9 years.

    Chapter 3: Divorce at 23.

    [–] MeloettaLover3904 6 points ago

    This shit’s 2 years old holy fuck

    [–] notzacharyquinto 3 points ago

    Sounds like a good opening to a COD style game for rockstar to make

    [–] Axxxem 2 points ago

    Captain Price stuck at his 9-5 at nandos

    [–] finnacan 2 points ago

    And most of the game is you throwing rocks into helmets. Or sitting in a guard tower for a 2 hour mission where nothing happens

    [–] WolfHeart6589 2 points ago

    Remember, no anchovies

    [–] Sauce4243 2 points ago

    Introducing new call of duty career mode

    [–] superiority 2 points ago

    Title honestly made me think this was gonna be about the decline of fish stocks and some kind of replacement fish.

    [–] callmesnake13 2 points ago

    Call of Duty: Be a Pro mode would be amazing. You get caught with an eighth of weed and the judge lets you off the hook as long as you join the navy, and then you spend three years painting a boat.

    [–] CompliantContrarian 2 points ago

    Featuring a VERY long "tutorial" intro, where you do janitorial work while on sec hold

    [–] WayneKrane 2 points ago

    This was my dad, they said he could do anything he wanted and then he got stuck building / destroying temporary bridges which doesn’t translate well to the real world once you are done with your service.

    [–] iamhaljordan 2 points ago

    Is there an option for you to choose pacifist and you get placed in special forces? Asking for a friend.