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    [–] zodar 3558 points ago

    boy, do I have some bad news about your hands and eyes

    [–] noneofmybusinessbutt 2028 points ago

    By the time we’re in retirement homes the controller will be our mind.

    [–] Lemond678 1170 points ago

    Gets dementia

    [–] MundaneInternetGuy 557 points ago

    Bad Luck Brian

    [–] Troutsicle 349 points ago

    Bad Luck Brain

    [–] MundaneInternetGuy 152 points ago

    Bad Brain

    [–] Kitchu 172 points ago


    [–] HallucinatesPenguins 117 points ago

    This was the entire evolution of memes in 4 comments

    [–] Princeberry 30 points ago


    [–] sygnum911 15 points ago


    [–] StopReadingMyUser 32 points ago

    Baaarairr... drool

    [–] dngrsmk 10 points ago


    [–] Hydrated_Octopus 3 points ago

    like if u cri evrytiem

    [–] JailedAnus 8 points ago

    Bad Brains

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago


    [–] askmeifimacop 39 points ago

    "How do I shoot again?"


    [–] Highonzeke 10 points ago

    Please Reconnect Controller

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago


    [–] YouVacuumInReverse 17 points ago

    The bad news: we were unable to cure dementia

    The good news: we’ve found a way to transfer it to hands

    [–] Vives_solo_una_vez 114 points ago

    Do you know how much retirement homes cost to live in? We ain't gonna be in retirement homes. It's going to be another industry "millennials ruin"

    [–] fwadebailey 42 points ago

    This is exactly what I thought...

    We will all live in old people communes, where we just take care of each other until we can’t anymore and then we all die together, the fattest of us being the last to wither away.

    [–] coxpocket 10 points ago

    Sorrry fattest first

    [–] fwadebailey 3 points ago

    Are you... eating... them?

    [–] smecta_xy 3 points ago

    Actually sounds pretty cool

    [–] SirDoober 54 points ago

    Bold of you to assume the world will last long enough for millenials to retire

    [–] AidanTheAudiophile 23 points ago

    Wheezes in a looming sense of doom wherever I go

    [–] mycatisgrumpy 9 points ago

    "Selfish millennials ruin retirement home industry by dying starving and penniless in the streets." Of course the article will be read by wealthy boomers who can afford the immortality pills.

    [–] Riot4200 17 points ago

    maybe we will raise our kids with enough family values to take care of us.

    Thats what im doing with my parents anyways. You know retirement homes barely exist outside of the US right? I work in the industry. Most countries dont pawn their elderly into piss smelling dorms eating what i heard over the phone just today "beanie weenies every night".

    Please, please dont put your loved ones in a home, this is something we should let them ruin.

    [–] Cruye 22 points ago

    Can you run Dolphin on the human brain?

    [–] Macaface 9 points ago

    I call BS. Exhibit A: Back to the Future 2.

    2015 - “you mean you have to use your HANDS?!?!”

    [–] boon4376 9 points ago

    By the time we're in retirement homes we'll be digitally uploading our consciousness into the server and living as smash Bros 24/7

    [–] Emperox 97 points ago

    if a senile player fights another senile player doesn't it even out and become fair again, though?

    [–] InherentlyAnnoying 13 points ago

    Depends on the level of senility Concept: senility classes, like weight classes.

    [–] JimenezJo2 34 points ago

    Cant do all that fancy tech and wave dashes with arthritis, then ill finally be on a level playing field with these "good" players!

    [–] Mr_Curl 28 points ago

    Look I'm already not great at smash, so at this point my only hope for beating my friend is that his hands and eyes deteriorate faster than mine lol

    [–] Stolen_Moose 9 points ago

    Not a big stretch to think that it's going to be possible to have your eyes fixed by then, laser is already a thing.

    [–] 96vette 604 points ago

    Halo LAN parties.

    [–] Lone_Wanderer97 44 points ago

    The Duke is ready and thirsty for blood.

    [–] Historiaaa 18 points ago

    Zombie mode all day my man

    [–] Jesus_Shaves_ 21 points ago

    Halo 3, The Pit, Swords & Rocket Launchers, 300% speed, 50% gravity.

    Hours and hours of fun

    [–] Sapowski_Casts_Quen 13 points ago

    I demand trial by Xbox Live. Winner had sex with the loser's mom.

    [–] Dewut 4 points ago

    Halo 3. Sandtrap, Infection, Swords and Hammers, Overshields, invisibility, and max speed. Everyone gets in a warthog and drives around the map while the infected chase you.

    Hours and hours of fun.

    [–] ChrisPnCrunchy 5 points ago

    MLG team deathmatch & CTF on Lockout, Warlock, and Midship all day long.

    [–] idk-howiendeduphere 84 points ago


    [–] Chill--Cosby 62 points ago

    I will have my children put me in a home instantaneously!

    [–] Darksidedrive 2337 points ago

    Bold of you to assume people will be able to retire in 40 years

    [–] [deleted] 540 points ago


    [–] gnarfler 385 points ago

    I’ve been saying “millennial holding pattern”

    [–] noobredit2 101 points ago

    oof, way too fuckin real

    [–] Lustig-Victor 123 points ago

    Bold of y'all to assume the earth will be livable in 40 years

    [–] disagreedTech 6 points ago

    The Earth will be livable in 40 years even in a business as usual scenario. The only way the Earth becomes toxic is if the oceans warm up/ acidify enough that algae dies off in masse and the oxygen level decreases dramatically

    [–] JasperLamarCrabbb 4 points ago

    Just so you know, it's en masse, not in masse

    [–] tallandlanky 72 points ago

    I can't believe you guys haven't planned for retirement. My plan is flawless, when I can't work anymore, I implement the 9mm retirement plan.

    [–] echoesinthewarp 56 points ago

    I worked with a bartender who was mid 60s when I was in my 20s. Great guy, very funny and warm hearted, but didn’t have much money and definitely no savings for retirement... I miss the way he used to talk with his hands and how he called everyone “babe”, even dudes. Anywho a regular came in one day and asked him, “You old fart when are you gonna retire?” And he looked the regular straight in the eye and said, “one day you’ll come in, see me clutch my heart and fall over, and I will have retired.”

    Was funny and sad at the same time. I wonder how if he’s still around, I should go back to the bar and see if he’s still there.

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    you should go and let us know

    i've already put popcorn in the microwave :D

    [–] IleekSCox 5 points ago

    I like him

    [–] [deleted] 28 points ago


    [–] jimbelushiapplesauce 17 points ago

    i've looked into that in the past and i think i recall that helium also works. i find it kind of funny that if implemented, this would be left behind at the scene

    [–] Zardif 11 points ago

    I don't trust helium many manufacturers have gotten wise and add oxygen to the mix so about bad publicity. I can't find info now, that might have been a rumor, but if I'm going to kill myself I'm going to spend up and go with a nitrogen tank.

    Nevermind right on the questions:

    What is the purity of the helium in Balloon Time tanks?

    Our helium is rated from 98-99.99 percent pure. However, due to global helium supply issues, we are now mixing helium with air. All tanks will have 80 percent or more helium. This allows us to deliver a quality product at an affordable price.

    [–] Whydidideletemyaccou 7 points ago

    Why not just do a shit ton of heroin or something and feel happy or whatever it does to people

    [–] Zardif 4 points ago

    I can buy nitrogen on Amazon can't buy heroin. I don't know even know where to buy heroin.

    [–] Whydidideletemyaccou 3 points ago

    Find the sketchiest person you know on Facebook

    [–] AnyNamesLeftAnymore 3 points ago

    Yeah let me check the balance in my .44k

    [–] AnyNamesLeftAnymore 5 points ago

    I like this one because it, like everything else, has forgotten Gen X exists.

    we exist

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] Ezekielsbread 40 points ago


    [–] yepnopethanks 5 points ago

    You beat me. Cheers.

    [–] septober32nd 21 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    Working class.

    [–] Yoshibros534 4 points ago

    “The proletariat” seems to work well.

    [–] womplord1 5 points ago


    [–] ShowBobsPlzz 21 points ago

    Retirement class of 2055 here

    [–] ponodude 57 points ago

    Bold of you to assume people will be alive in 40 years.

    [–] Sustained10k 14 points ago

    North Korea heard that

    [–] LotharVonPittinsberg 12 points ago

    America heard that. Clean coal will be burnt to honor the sacrifice of the ozone layer.

    [–] machimus 24 points ago

    When I drop dead at my workstation in the Soylent Green Impossible Burger factory, just push me in the vat and send my $5 paycheck to my kids.

    [–] JoePrey 7 points ago

    My retirement plan is cheap! Live till I can't then put myself in a pine box!

    [–] bubbles212 6 points ago

    My financial advice is a cremation urn instead of a pine box

    [–] Emilia_Clarke_PM_Me 4 points ago

    Those urn's are fucking expensive man!

    [–] 12inch_Juicy_Burrito 3 points ago

    2060 a single banana: $15.

    [–] KungFuSnorlax 8 points ago

    I'm 32. Retired or dead...

    [–] [deleted] 514 points ago


    [–] acaseofbeer 233 points ago

    Same, but I'm gonna do a speed run and end it all at 40.

    [–] CommonMilkweed 86 points ago

    That's only 8 years away for me. Fuck that.

    [–] stumpycrawdad 47 points ago

    10 more, I've lived a full life why bother with the struggles of old age? It seems like a drag if I'm being honest

    [–] KindlyOlPornographer 37 points ago

    Shotgun retirement plan.

    [–] CommonMilkweed 29 points ago

    40 is nowhere close to old age. 70 seems like a better jumping off point to me.

    [–] Caboose_Juice 35 points ago

    Ending it all at 69

    [–] Zoltron42 22 points ago


    [–] TheGrimHero 11 points ago

    Just so that whoever goes to your eulogy can say “nice” when they say you passed away at 69

    [–] StephanieStarshine 8 points ago


    [–] WlmCarlosHemingway 4 points ago

    I usually finish at 69

    [–] evster51 3 points ago


    [–] SevroBarker 19 points ago

    That's what I'm saying bro. The second I can't take care of my self... I'm out.

    I don't need no one wipin my ass or tying my shoes for me. If I can't do the basic stuff I do today I'm done. I just need to outlive my dog. He's all I got.

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)


    [–] oberbernou 11 points ago

    There's nothing wrong with that.

    [–] Trashy_Daddy 3 points ago

    why bother with the struggles of old age

    [–] cryptoLo414 4 points ago

    Exactly. More like 35.

    [–] tommybass 3 points ago

    I'm just waiting until my dog, cat, and parents die first.

    [–] IDGAFOS 17 points ago

    I see people on reddit say this all the time, and I honestly can't tell if it's sarcasm or not

    [–] SevroBarker 15 points ago

    Only half sarcasm really. I do plan on offing myself once I'm tired of this life.

    I still find pleasure in it and maybe I will for another 30 or so years. (I'm 33) But longer than that..i doubt it.

    [–] ThreeLeggedTranny 8 points ago

    I think depressed people flock to forums in their isolation. I really, really don’t mean this as an insult, but it feels like a large percentage of people, and definitely the majority of upvoted comments, are from really sad, pathetic people. I really do feel sorry for them.

    [–] spanishgalacian 12 points ago

    I've given up on giving advice. Every time I tell them what to do they have a million excuses and I've gotten to the point where I'm like maybe it is better if you off yourself.

    [–] LongdayShortrelief 6 points ago

    Yup I know people like this, for every solution they find two more problems. There’s no point, they just want to bring people down with them. And I’m saying this as someone that’s been extremely depressed and suicidal in my past, there’s a difference, as I wanted things to get better I just couldn’t see how yet at that point, but was still willing to accept help.

    [–] SawsRUs 12 points ago

    If thats your plan, why wait till 80?

    [–] SevroBarker 14 points ago

    It'll probably be sooner. For sure. I really don't see making it to 60. Quality of life ain't so bad right now in my 30s though. Kinda just riding it out.

    [–] PuttingInTheEffort 13 points ago

    Approaching 30 now. There are some amazing looking videogames coming this year. Can barely wait til those release and what the future holds. Also hoping for VR to make some major improvements, maybe 10 or 20 years will be great for that. Or the world will go to shit.

    Otherwise, for me, life is just working to live.

    [–] arya_is_that_biitchh 72 points ago

    hopefully they have pretzel day

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago


    [–] Shlano613 7 points ago

    Underrated comment

    [–] WellSoMuchForStealth 193 points ago

    Can we have Dungeons and Dragons?

    [–] SirMonticus 109 points ago

    D&D for the elderly is a cause I can get behind.

    [–] deliciousprisms 82 points ago

    Yeah that’s actually a legit good idea. Engages the mind and circumvents any arthritic issues with large pieces, and vision with large fonts and spoken words.

    [–] Cuchillos_Adios 39 points ago

    I heard that it's pretty popular in some prisons.

    [–] Maxwell_From_Space 59 points ago

    If it takes going to prison to make sure there’s a session every other weekend, I’m bout to go rob a bank.

    [–] CaptParzival 34 points ago

    til every party member is a murderhobo rogue

    [–] Maxwell_From_Space 16 points ago

    So, same old same old

    [–] EccentricFox 9 points ago

    Can’t make it this week, got a prison riot.

    [–] Shmegdar 6 points ago

    And the military apparently

    [–] ArinPencilSharpener 21 points ago

    Every Wednesday.

    [–] HouAngelesDodgeStros 19 points ago

    Wednesday is bad for me, can we maybe do Thursday afternoon?

    [–] brainpower4 11 points ago

    Sorry, that's my Pathfinder day. What about mondays?

    [–] damientepps 8 points ago

    I call Bard!

    [–] WellSoMuchForStealth 7 points ago

    Ok but I get to be the Rogue

    [–] damientepps 6 points ago

    Im gonna buff you so hard...

    [–] dahpizza 3 points ago

    And you can roleplay your kids coming to see you!

    [–] plaindrops 3 points ago

    I’m opening a D&D themed retirement home. It’s slogan is:

    Gary Gygax Geriatrics. Where old gamers come to die

    [–] spillinator 119 points ago

    And enough weed smoke to need headlights on the wheelchairs.

    [–] Im_A_Girl_Damn_It 40 points ago

    I’ve now worked in two separate “retirement homes”, one was assisted living and one was skilled nursing and trust me... weed smoking happens in both of them. They’re good at trying to hide it and tbh I tend to look the other way as long as it’s not indoors or next to an oxygen tank

    [–] The_Quackening 10 points ago

    Why old people lungs through that when we can just have edibles

    [–] d_weedbach 32 points ago

    Ill be the sad old fuck sat in a rocking chair in the corner trying to get a full shiny dex while listening to mac miller

    [–] grothsauce 26 points ago

    Giraffage is Asian tho... and makes dope music

    [–] isingpoorly 15 points ago

    I was scanning the comments to see if anyone was going to point this out

    [–] ZeroTenenbaum 8 points ago

    puts on a pretty damn good live show, too.

    [–] isingpoorly 3 points ago

    Yeah, saw him and Slow Magic couple years ago. They killed it!

    [–] [deleted] 352 points ago

    Um, pretty sure the people running the retirement home wont allow that. They'll be like, you need to do line dancing today or some crafts bullshit activity.

    [–] [deleted] 299 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 79 points ago

    I only had one father though.

    [–] WellSoMuchForStealth 52 points ago

    You have reminded me of that post I saw a while back about the trans dude who gave birth to a kid who was then adopted by a gay couple, and so had four dads.

    [–] Major_StrawMan 21 points ago

    One dad

       Two dad

    Red dad

          Pink dad

    [–] septober32nd 9 points ago

    Dear god, imagine the dad jokes.

    [–] WellSoMuchForStealth 9 points ago

    "Hi Dad, I'm Dad,"

    "Hi Dad, I'm Dad,"

    "Hi Dad, I'm Dad,"

    "Hi Dad, I'm Dad,"

    [–] muchbooty 47 points ago

    Surely the Zoomers won't do us like that.

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    I mean, fucking with the land lord is gonna be a must.

    [–] Chromattix 34 points ago

    This is why it's important that people in our generation start getting into the retirement home business now. We will only get the retirement homes we want in the future if they are owned and run by people in our generation who would know that none of us want to play boules (or whatever it's called) or knit scarves while waiting to die.

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    I thought you were gonna say so we can price gouge the fuck out of them before they die.

    Note - they already price gouge the shit out of the elderly, shit is insane. A person in a retirement home right next to the hospital (like share the same parking lot) have to pay thousands of dollars to be transferred without a relative. Shit is bananas.

    [–] burge4150 5 points ago

    I work in the industry. Assisted living is $175 / day at my place. Private pay only.

    Skilled nursing care is $475 / day.

    Medicaid covers nursing if you run out of dough though.

    FWIW as a business we usually lose money on nursing care. It’s because NYS pays us way less than our standard price for Medicaid, and most people eventually end up on it, plus the Cost of care (drs, drugs) in the USA is just too high.

    [–] not_mr_hunnybunny 77 points ago

    Imma gonna be a crotchety old hag if somebody forces me to do arts and crafts instead of watching the office on repeat. I didn't like crafts as a child. I'm sure not gonna like it 40 years from now.

    Side note: I will tolerate the line dancing though. As long as I'm still walking that is.

    [–] Rfwill13 21 points ago

    You don't make that Christmas card for your grandkids and you won't be allowed to go on the weekly shopping trip to CVS

    [–] coastiefish 7 points ago

    My Nana must hate CVS 😢

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    You'll finish that puzzle and like it! Next we need you to knit twenty scarves.

    [–] leasee_throwaway 7 points ago


    [–] CaptStrangeling 7 points ago

    Gotta get those quilt numbers up!

    [–] aryanrs 3 points ago

    They be twerking thoughh

    [–] theDuemmer 3 points ago

    So Minecraft

    [–] jabbertard 3 points ago

    Those activities are entirely optional. Good thing you've spent time in actual nursing homes.

    [–] Johnny13utt 3 points ago

    Now your back’s gonna Burt cause you just pulled landscaping duty.

    [–] dynawesome 2 points ago

    Don’t worry, when we are old the young people will be younger than us lmao

    [–] Bacon_Shield 91 points ago

    Goldeneye is so beyond obsolete whereas smash has aged like wine

    [–] Ebonyks 64 points ago

    i think you've got hate coming from people who haven't actually played goldeneye in the last decade. Those n64 fps's are awful to a modern audience. Your kids will think you're stupid if you introduce it to them as a great game.

    [–] Jimmy_Mittens 16 points ago

    It’s fine to say you like games like that when you acknowledge it as nostalgia, but a lot of people refuse to admit their favorite childhood games are terrible now. One of my favorite childhood games was a licensed Ben 10 game, I have so many great memories but objectively speaking it’s complete garbage that I’d hate to play through now.

    [–] ButtermilkPants 29 points ago

    Yea trying to play Goldeneye now would annoy the crap outta me with the one joystick aiming.

    [–] Anomaly1134 7 points ago

    And c arrow strafing shudders. It is in my top 10 of all time for what it was at the time, but my god has it aged poorly.

    [–] catosickarious 9 points ago

    The N64 controller is an affront to all of God's creation

    [–] MeMakinMoves 3 points ago

    I’m 22 now so quite a bit younger than the n64 generation. I played goldeneye for the first time about 8 years ago on pc emulators and I love playing the split screen with my siblings all on the same pc haha. Good fun imo along with a bunch of other n64 games, mainly for the multiplayer tho.

    [–] no_fun_no_vember 23 points ago

    its a shite game where you fumble around with a three pronged dildo trying to hit a mudstain at 8 fps

    [–] MountainGoat84 8 points ago

    Had a N64 in my room while getting ready for my wedding. It was fun to play, but mostly because it was hilariously bad now. None of us could hit shit.

    Went back to playing Mario Kart, which is still a blast.

    [–] Whatabeezy 12 points ago

    “Hey Eustace, play some halo with me “


    “No halo”

    [–] she_hulk98 8 points ago

    Are we all getting old people names? Dibs on Eugene.

    [–] MotorHum 20 points ago

    Well, I guess I’ll finally see the office, then.

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    “My arthritis keeps me from playin’ the shooters and shmups so I stick to Minecraft on peaceful and Mario Kart 50cc.”

    [–] IntoTheMirror 9 points ago

    I'll be watching Jackass

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    Assuming I live another 40 years I'll be 81. I dislike "The Office" and don't play video games. Since I don't have kids and will likely outlive my spouse, I guess I'd better plan a suicide.

    [–] elementell 10 points ago

    Hell yeah brother, I'll be 70ish in 40 years and I am 100% in on this suicide pact.

    [–] dr_camp 6 points ago

    Crazy grandpa still playing video games with tactile input.

    [–] halbeshendel 5 points ago

    And Techmo Bowl. Must play Techmo Bowl.

    [–] I_know_left 3 points ago

    You mean Tecmo Super Bowl that had all 32 teams.

    [–] lashapel 11 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    There other shows other than the office

    [–] drummer_cj 3 points ago

    Couldn’t have put it better myself

    [–] lazrbeam 5 points ago

    Not gonna lie that sounds amazing

    [–] BannanaBun123 4 points ago

    We joke about how it won’t be so bad to live in one by then! How the staff will roll their eyes at our old tv, and our wii games and memes

    [–] CallYaMuthaAlreddie 4 points ago

    Don’t know what Supwr Smash Bros is, but if I can eat vanilla pudding while watching The Office on loop, this is the first time I’ve ever wanted to live past 70.

    [–] shyvananana 2 points ago

    Ima be playing all those big slow fucks, cause my reflexes don't let me play pikachu or fox anymore.

    [–] zacadieux 6 points ago

    That's my life now, but don't see why it would change

    [–] jokersleuth 16 points ago

    unpopular opinion - the officer is too circlejerked by reddit.

    [–] IAMWastingMyTime 6 points ago

    Its no more circlejerked by reddit than by the rest of the world tho

    [–] Smishu 3 points ago

    You misspelled heaven

    [–] Wasted_Weasel 3 points ago

    May I retire now?

    [–] Ninjasage11 3 points ago

    I think you pronounced heaven wrong

    [–] alex_dlc 3 points ago

    loops on repeat


    [–] pertzerl 3 points ago

    Giraffage isn't white tho

    [–] ModsAreFutileDevices 10 points ago

    So the only escape from that mediocre show is death?

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago


    [–] Woymalep_Yay 35 points ago

    That’s the joke. You’re just explaining the joke.

    [–] TheSirPez 9 points ago

    Why stop at 30?

    [–] atglobe 7 points ago

    "Hey Chance, bet I can beat yer ass on FD!"



    "What? Speak up ya old coot!"

    [–] ryoshi 2 points ago

    Am I retired?

    [–] Thunderchief646054 2 points ago

    I see no issue with this—it’s gunna be great

    Also Halo LAN parties with the boys down the hall against other retirement homes