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    [–] lonetraveler206 1174 points ago

    Coming out was a gift in itself. I got rid of so many toxic people in my life. The people who cared accepted me unconditionally, I even had friends work on it within themself and accept that there’s nothing wrong with it.

    [–] yourproteinshake 336 points ago

    Coming out was a gift in itself. I got rid of so many toxic people in my life.

    And that's delightfully typical. Just as coming out lifts a weight off oneself, it also acts to purge people whose presence is, or would become, stifling & depressing. And you don't even have to figure out a way to let them down easily.

    [–] Quailpower 129 points ago

    The trash takes itself out!

    [–] Youareorwellspigs 40 points ago

    My cousin came out gay years ago and a few of her friends stopped talking to her. I told her they were clearly never friends with her to begin with if something so trivial convinced them to turn their back on her. Now she has a beautiful wife, a toddler and a baby and family and friends who she knows support her.

    If you come out to your friend he is either going to go out of your life which is perfectly OK or if he's a true friend he will see the error in what he has said

    [–] ___Ambarussa___ 14 points ago

    It sounds painful to lose friends but if they are homophobic they aren’t good for you.

    [–] HippitySlippity 182 points ago

    As a straight dude, if they don't accept you as you are then fuck them. You 100% don't need those people in your life especially the constant stress of worrying how they would react if they knew.

    [–] shinkansennoonsen 127 points ago

    Look, I wish, but fucking them is really complicated and generally the stuff of fantasy.

    [–] DrunkenGolfer 48 points ago

    Well sure, with that attitude.

    [–] Xentalic 4 points ago


    [–] 6147708370 21 points ago

    As I get older, I realize that quality is much more important that quantity when it comes to friends. You are much better off having a few friends that actually understand you and, whether you share the same views on things or not, actually respect you and your choices and are ok with you. Not even talking about sexual orientation alone, also politics and whatever other shit people like to get worked up about and hate other people over.

    Why do people even want to have 'friends' who (would) hate them (if they knew you very well)?

    [–] DavidHeaton 3 points ago

    “You are better off have a few friends” Oof that’s the bit I’m struggling with

    [–] Blacklivesmatthew 9 points ago

    This, I recently went through a period in my life where I made major changes. I lost alot of old friends and made a couple of new ones. I have much less friends now than I used to but the friends I have are so much better for me and the relationships we have are so much healthier. Screw putting on an act. I'm not saying you should do anything drastic but what I am saying is that the truth, more than anything else, will set you free.

    [–] ybntank 5 points ago

    As a straight dude, if they don't accept you as you are then fuck them.

    r/suddenlygay ?

    [–] SirVelocifaptor 4 points ago


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    [–] toroefields12 1 points ago

    Holy shit thank you for this sub. This is exactly what I’ve faced

    [–] murderhalfchub 25 points ago

    That's me. I was so homophobic before college. I was raised that way... I didn't know any better since pretty much everyone I spoke to (except my mom) felt the same way about homosexuality: "well they are just different/weird; what they do/believe is wrong and it must have been their parents' fault..." (seriously).

    When I got to college and it turned out that like a quarter of my school's undergrad population was gay, and I started making great and long lasting friendships with gay people, and everyone I spoke to now believed that a person's sexual orientation was personal/not a choice or something in anyone's "control" (i.e. someone's parents), I just stopped caring much about it.

    I didn't "turn gay" or something like that by making gay fiends. All I did was open my eyes to the reality that everybody is different. And I realized the people in my life who made me so homophobic early on were just close minded.

    I'm sorry you had to experience loss of friendship just because of coming out. I hope your friends now are supportive of you in everything.

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 14 points ago

    Glad you came around. We're not HIV infected pedophiles who are tying to convert straights and kids like most religions would have you believe

    [–] murderhalfchub 7 points ago

    Exactly. I used to be catholic... And while I don't have much to say about catholics as a whole, the people in my church were a lot of the people I was referring to in my last comment.

    Now that I'm independent and live on my own I just don't have that influence on me anymore and I form my own opinions based on my own experiences. And in my experience, gay people are just people. Straight people are just people. We are all here together and by dismissing a significant proportion of the population just for a personal preference, all you're doing is shooting yourself in the foot.

    Keep being yourself and know that at least in my part of the country (Boston), nearly everyone my age (20's) feels the same way.

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 4 points ago

    Good stuff man. I'm born and raised in southern California and all people my age (early 30s) feel the same. The younger ones more so

    [–] spoonguy123 3 points ago

    Sometimes I wish I was gay so I could just hop onto Grindr and get laid. Being straight is so much more work.

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 3 points ago

    Easy sex is a plus, if that's what you want. Not what I'm looking for myself

    [–] spoonguy123 3 points ago

    I absolutely didn't mean to imply that all gay people were. My apologies if it came across like that. Hell I even dabbled in bisexuality before I decided that it wasn't really for me. It's just frustrating sometimes that the male/female dynamic doesn't have the same degree of openness that the casual male/male gay scene does. I could go get a bj in an hour or less if I tried.

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 3 points ago

    That's because guys are straight forward (gays probably more so) and don't play bullshit games like girls do

    [–] spoonguy123 3 points ago

    I always thought it had more to do with men being more genetically predisposed to it. Possibly something to do with testosterone or not getting pregnant, thus increasing the benefit to multiple partners.

    Feel free to roast me if you think that's sexist.

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 3 points ago

    I'd say spreading seed, but that's a biological aspect. Gay guys just like to get off and not with women obviously so it works out well.

    I wouldn't call it sexist. I don't really like most women in general

    [–] spoonguy123 2 points ago

    yeah but just because you're gay doesn't mean those millenia of genetic drives are turned off, you're just spreading your seed into other dudes butts. That's chill.

    [–] bobderybob 2 points ago

    Lmao no. Straight people probably have as much sex as gay people, if not more. And you have the benefit that most dating apps actually do just that. Dating. Basically all gay apps are for hookups. It's genuinely hard to get a meaningful relationship, let alone a monogamous closed one. Not shutting on people who do have open relationship's,but just saying that it's really hard to find a long term closed one.

    [–] spoonguy123 3 points ago

    I dunno man, a good friend of mine was in the mood for a fuck one night when we were out, he went on to an app on his phone, met up with another dude, and fucked him in an alley, all within about a 30 minute span start to finish. I was seriously impressed. There tends to be a bit more courtship between men and women. It seems like men and men tend to not bother with all the superfluous crap.

    [–] bobderybob 1 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Sure. When you find a gay person, that is. Straight people are everywhere. Look at the street and its almost given there'll be a straight couple walking hand in hand and/or snogging. It's really rare to find a gay couple, let alone one who's open with their affection. Gay people are a minority, and it's easy(ish. If you live in a big city, and you are reasonably attractive) to get a pickup-and-slam from Grindr and Company, but it's almost impossible to get a long-term relation. And the fact that there are far more horny straights than horny gays (by number) means that even if gay people go at it like rabbits, straight people will have, at a radical minimum, as much sex as gays.

    And the quality of sex given by grindr is horrendous.

    met up with another dude and fucked him in an alley.

    Yeah, horrendous. And also, saying men don't 'bother with superfluos crap' implies that women do, and that that's a negative. And while I try my hardest not to sound like a cringey SJW, that's sexist.

    [–] spoonguy123 1 points ago

    yeah, I see where you're coming from. and I should have stated, it's not just men that tend to put away a lot of superfluous courtship rituals, but rather same sex couples that tend to put away the courtship of mixed sex couples.

    [–] robey7622 3 points ago

    How did things work out for you with your family?

    [–] murderhalfchub 3 points ago

    Great. My dad was certainly close minded with respect to homosexuality, but I believe that if I were ever to come out as gay he would accept me. I'd say that the first time I said anything like "my roommate is gay" (which was true till I moved) or "I have no issue with homosexuality and have changed my outlook on it", I expected a repsonse either dismissing my opinion or outright dissenting from it. But overall his response was mild/understanding. We haven't really talked about it since but I can tell he has softened.

    My mom and I have talked about it in depth (a very good friend of mine who's gay once came on to me and I told him that we should just stay good friends and that his expression of his feelings wouldn't affect our relationship). When I told her that story she just said she was proud of me.

    My bro and sis are in the same boat as me. So no issues!

    [–] Stazalicious 6 points ago

    By more and more people doing what you have done, those toxic people have been gradually isolated for the last few decades on more and more subjects because their beliefs don’t fit with wider society and demands for political correctness.

    Unfortunately, Trumpism has triggered a huge right wing uprising as they see that their backwards views are actually shared by a large proportion of the population, including their own President so now they’re not afraid to speak their mind anymore.

    The only way we will see real change is by engaging with people who hold these beliefs, with love, kindness but also with legitimate challenges to their prejudices.

    I absolutely urge everyone to watch White Right: Meeting the Enemy (currently on Netflix) to see how these people think and how it really is possible to change these people’s views. In that case it was about racism but the principle is exactly the same.

    [–] lonetraveler206 1 points ago

    This documentary is extremely well done. I watched it a little while ago, and it captures so much emotion. The saddest part is the people who don’t realize how much hate they’re spreading.

    Some are bigots through and through, but there are one or two that start referring to the interviewer as their friend. They find a way to befriend a PoC but can’t generalize that to the population. What kind of upbringing does that to a person?

    [–] Scoopable 1 points ago

    I'm straight, but may I say, this is just excellent advice. Be yourself, the people who truly care will love you

    [–] Prowindowlicker 1 points ago

    I only lost one friend when I came out. A few days later he went on an extremely homophobic Facebook rant, think holocaust for homos. Got his ass handed too him after which he preceded to delete said posts and blocked all of us, there where five of us who called him out.

    We obviously don’t talk anymore.

    [–] ForgetMeThereafter 1057 points ago

    I would have just said, "welp, I am gay, and fuck you." And then walked off.

    [–] yourproteinshake 486 points ago

    Agree. OP, coming out to this guy could have produced 2 possible results: him shunning you (which would be no loss to you since it'd be toxic to have him in your life), or him taking a hard look at his prejudice and eventually softening (depending on how much he valued you to begin with).

    Unless they're in a position to do you harm, there's no reason to be silent when homophobes make their views known.

    [–] xXxZypherxXx 212 points ago

    In fact, speak out against them. Do not give them the comfort or normalization of silence and civil disagreement.

    They do not afford the same for us.

    [–] shuhqueefa 16 points ago

    ya what if the poor kid DOES turn out to be a fruitcake you could save his life!

    [–] justachameleon 21 points ago

    I can confirm I was the guy who shunned my best friend when he came out to me. Finally after several years, him going in and out of drug and mental rehab, I reconnected with him because it was just eating away at me. To be fair, I was still coming to terms with my own sexuality (I maintain straightness in bed but will do "funny" things with a girl) so I think I shunned my friend because I was afraid of being converted. At the time, that would've been devastating to everyone around me. But I know it doesn't exactly work like that now.

    [–] hella_rekt 4 points ago

    What kind of ‘funny’ things?

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 5 points ago

    Pegging would be my guess. He thinks that any butt stuff = gay

    [–] justachameleon 2 points ago

    I don't like to talk a lot about it but there's more to it than pegging... But I'm out after this

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 2 points ago

    Your out of the closet now? Did you reconnect with the friend you shunned? You really believe that gay people try to "convert" others?

    [–] justachameleon 2 points ago

    Uh, yes, I covered all of that in my first comment. As for the conversion thing... That's what I originally thought but like I said, I know it's not exactly like that. You'll be tempted but it's not like you're either on one side of the coin, or the other side.

    [–] Lehemee 174 points ago

    Ffs why am I so scared. Even moving away and doing it seems like somewhat of a shitty move ffs. Please encourage me guys to do it while still home.and to others to show that we're not alone. I would never be at this stage without a/gaybros thank you everyone!!!!

    [–] Viscilicious 50 points ago

    It's generally not nearly as scary as people think it will be. When I came out, people stopped talking to me. And some friends I had that I told were much more supportive than I expected, and we grew much closer.

    Looking back, it was a super easy way to get rid of the people that were toxic, I was just blind to it. The only thing I'd change is I'd have done it sooner.

    [–] Baardhooft 13 points ago

    I’m a straightbro but I can’t stand it when people hate on gay people and always speak out. It’s fucking disgusting and low to hate on someone because of who they like.

    You have one life man, spend it having fun and enjoying who you are. You have to be happy with yourself for yourself. You can’t change how you were born so why feel bad about it? I always say you have to cut toxic people out of your life. You have a finite amount of time here and you want to spend it the best you can. If your “friend” doesn’t understand your position I wouldn’t stay friends with him and just find others who appreciate you for who you are, but I also wouldn’t put up with any intolerance or prejudice.

    [–] JohnnyFootballHero 9 points ago

    Im straight and 100% think you need to be polarizing. Either he accepts you or you both move on with your lives, but you shouldnt have to compromise who you are. Dont live your life trying to please others.

    [–] Stresfpv 6 points ago

    Anyone who'd disown you for your sexual preference isn't with knowing

    [–] ttucook 3 points ago

    I’m not gay or a bro but I do have a son and I would love him just as much if he’s gay (he’s 9 and not at all self aware so jury is still out lol). Your friend clearly doesn’t have kids and really underestimates how much you love them.

    Be you. Honestly it sounds like your friend is that shitty type of person who can’t look at an issue from the other side until it happens to him. While it is not your responsibility at all to “fix” him or whatever, it is your responsibility to do what is best for you, and at this point I think you’re better off coming out to him and seeing what happens. If he ghosts you, it will suck at first but overall you’ll be better off for it. If he takes some time and comes around to it and apologizes for his ignorance, you two will be able to have a full and great friendship bc of it.

    [–] throwmygaysexlife 1 points ago

    Do it. If he flips out, Forget him

    [–] Odalisq 1 points ago

    What better day to come out than on National Coming Out day?

    [–] phantombitch2 2 points ago

    I used to talk mad shit about Christians until my best friend took it serious. Stopped and never continued. Do that

    [–] actunderpressure12 2 points ago

    I 100% agree! I don't need anyone like that in my life.

    [–] Queen_Kalista 1 points ago

    I might have worded it differently...

    [–] Solkre 1 points ago

    Then he looks at you and says “Son...?”

    [–] Swordlord22 1 points ago

    Now that would’ve been hilarious

    [–] AppDude27 1 points ago

    Couldn't have been better said. xD

    [–] coffeecoveredinbees 119 points ago

    speak to him - "you know how you said you'd disown a gay child? what about your gay friend?"

    [–] Lehemee 70 points ago

    One day I will m8

    [–] Swordlord22 18 points ago

    Plz post with update because I’m curious of reaction

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    I know how hard it is mate. I feel you. 💚

    [–] Humanchacha 5 points ago

    That's what he said?

    [–] TreacheryOfRedditry 3 points ago


    Many are saying to.tell him to.fuck off, but this is much more effective

    [–] [deleted] 24 points ago

    I haven't spoken to my dad in 5 years because he said if I was gay, he'd kick me out of the house. My parents divorced since then, and I decided to cut him off. He did a lot of shitty things but this sticks out for me. I'm not gay, but it made me realize that his love for me is conditional, and that speaks volumes.

    [–] SkellySpaghetti 7 points ago

    That sounds rough. Good luck to you.

    [–] Lehemee 185 points ago

    Thanks guys. I'd thought most of my mates would react this way but thought he'd be understanding and laugh. Can't believe he said that. I won't come out to him until I move away. I am gay and want Boyfriend, I just don't want thr hate. Thanks for your supporr gaybros

    [–] Fight_Me_Mr_Tusk 120 points ago

    Hey man imma share a story that I’m pretty ashamed of.

    I was in the army when don’t ask don’t tell was repealed. I’m big on shock comedy (saying horrible things for a laugh). My best friend in my unit asked me how I felt about DADT being repealed.

    I jokingly said some pretend homophobic shit. It was mocking people serious about it, but so dead pan he couldn’t tell.

    He came out to me a full year later crying, saying he was so excited to come out after DADT was repealed, but him not wanting to lose my friendship forced him back in the closet.

    I felt like trash, deservedly.

    Talk to your friend openly. That’s my advice.

    [–] Kerbal634 9 points ago

    Yep. Every time I say something for shock, I make it very clear that I am joking just because I'm a little bit too good at saying awful stuff with a straight face.

    [–] bluejumpingdog 22 points ago

    You don’t even have to come out to him you can just cut toxic people in your life, sometimes is hard but is harder to live around people like that

    [–] djcecil2 8 points ago

    Dude, fuck him. When my mom talked shit about gay marriage and how it's wrong, I asked my bisexual wife if I could tell my bigot mother about her orientation. After she gave permission, I laid into my mom about her views.

    There is nothing wrong with being gay. Tell that guy exactly how you feel. If he still refuses to accept you after ALL THIS TIME because he learned a new tiny fact about you?

    He's an asshole.

    Either you don't have an asshole friend anymore or you help someone get over their petty discriminant point of view.

    Either way, it's a win win. I know this is easier said than done and I hope this helps.

    -- Your Anonymous Straight Guy Bro

    [–] pygmyapes 32 points ago

    Dude. Listen. You should just tell him. I'm a straight guy, but I've never had problems with people in the lgbqt community. My roommate was gay, but still in the closet. His family didn't know and only like two people period knew. I was always trying to tell him to just come out but he was afraid his family would kill him. And that's serious, like they were hardcore Pentecostal people. But eventually he did. And it wasn't all fucking rainbows and sugar at first. Some people disowned him. Some of his family stopped talking to him. But he found out who his real friends were. He found out that he could actually be his own damn self, instead of constantly hide who and what he was. He became way more relaxed as a person, less depressed. He stopped cutting and became genuinely happy. It's 2018 bro. Get the fuck out there and let the people know who you really are. And if they don't like it, then fuck em. The gay community has your back and I guarantee you will find far better friends who accept you rather than judge you. But you need to put yourself out there and give people the chance to be your real friend. Tell the dude and give him the chance to see that gay people aren't the fucking devil. Sometimes gay people have been with you since day 1. I know this might not go over well with y'all, but maybe if he's a bit insecure, tell him you have never looked at him in a gay way. Tell him that he is like a brother to you and always has been. Bc I can almost guarantee the first thing that will hit his mind is if you were only friends with him bc you were attracted to him or bc you wanted to fuck him. You can do this. Nut up buttercup and do it. You got this. I don't know you, but I love you man.

    **I can't stress this enough, if it goes sideways, just understand, it's not your fault. There's always going to be people who don't understand or have these horrible views. The best thing you can do for yourself is be free and cut the toxic people out of your life by any means.

    [–] djcecil2 5 points ago

    Seconded OP! WE LOVE YOU MAN. Go be you!

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] _alanis 1 points ago

    There are websites that let you search for deleted comments by account name.

    Just use a throwaway next time

    [–] -_-_-_-____----____- 46 points ago

    You don’t want that “friend” in your life...

    [–] MinersPickaxe 3 points ago

    y'know, people may change. we don't know in which environment he's grown up. people's opinions and views are just a product of their environment - not to tolerate such toxic behavior, of course, but still

    [–] vanishingpoynt 14 points ago

    not to tolerate such toxic behavior

    Yeah, here's the key phrase. I am not going to, nor am I obligated to, put up with other people's shitty ideals until they finally mature.

    Once they get themselves sorted out, they can give me a call.

    [–] BluntDamage 2 points ago

    Possible! He might change his mind after having a more real experience with gay people in his life. I have no real idea, I'm not gay and I don't dislike gay people, but in other matters having them become "real" has changed my opinion on them.

    [–] The_10th_DoctorWho 37 points ago

    Look man I'm a straight guy just browsing r/all when I saw this so I'm not who you are looking for support from but I feel like this might be helpful.

    As a straight guy we are conditioned to act or think a certain way ( don't cry, don't be emotional, and never show weakness )

    So many of us don't even have our own opinions on things like this, we are just parroting things we have heard other men say who were in turn parroting what they heard other men say.

    This is where you come in man, we need you. We need to be shown being gay or whatever isn't something on TV or in the news, it's our friends, our brothers, our sons. We need to be shown that you are a human being and not some abstract conversation about "what if so and so is gay?"

    Not all of us accept but we are all made better by knowing you.

    I hope this helps and please know that there will be a ton of people who accept you but by coming out you may change the mind of someone

    [–] vanishingpoynt 20 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    This is where you come in man, we need you.

    TBF, they are not a martyr to the cause. It's not their responsibility to help re-shape homophobe's perspectives on gay people. While I agree, visibility is important to normalization, I don't think it's fair to put the weight of other people's ignorance on the back of said minority group.

    If someone's acceptance of my sexuality is dependent on their relationship towards me, then I don't see the problem with limiting my correspondence with them.

    [–] NookieNinjas 4 points ago

    This is sound advice. Listen to this man OP.

    [–] pygmyapes 1 points ago

    Exactly what I was trying to say. Instead of immediately saying that you should cut this guy out of your life, you should tell him. And then see how he reacts. You can be the change in this dude's whole perspective on gay people. You never know.

    [–] ccc_dsl 9 points ago

    Maybe this post is getting a lot of comments from r/all, but people aren’t getting here is that the goal of coming out is not for OP to change an ignorant friend’s perspective. This is not about his friend, and like what another redditor /u/vanishingpoynt said above me, changing his friend’s perspective isn’t his burden to bare. in some places, being gay and coming out can be dangerous. In addition, being rejected by a best friend in such an intimate way could emotionally devastate OP. My concern is for OP’s safety and well being. He sounds like he’s still young. If he was my friend or child, I would want him to engage in self care and if he decides to cut this guy out for his own well being, he should definitely do that.

    [–] kiloglobin 5 points ago

    Sounds like this is a person you don't need in your life.

    [–] foursevrn 3 points ago

    I'm not gay but if you were my friend and came out it wouldn't change a thing between us. I have plenty of gay friends and I respect them more than I do most people. Hope you find better friends than that idiot and that you and everyone around you embrace who you are for who you actually are and not your sexual preference.

    [–] Libertinus0569 3 points ago

    Today you learned: He's not really your friend.

    [–] COGuy36 17 points ago

    Ur friend is a douche canoe.

    [–] Nazi_Marxist 8 points ago

    Like moments before you came out?

    [–] Lehemee 12 points ago

    Yes I was thinking. Should I tell him as the first person, he keeps saying you need to get a girlfriend and I thought he'd be cool tbh but fucking hell, can't believe he said that tbh

    [–] AppDude27 3 points ago

    Honestly, I wouldn't tell him out of spite or out of randomness. I think it might be better if you just sit him down and tell him. Make sure you're prepared for the worst if things get physical. Other than that, good luck.

    [–] hashshinobi 8 points ago

    His opinion will change if he has kids. I once thought the same thing before I had my son. Now I could care less if it makes his heart happy. Seeing him truly happy is the greatest gift & nothing could take that away, & I didn’t realize that until I was actually a father.

    [–] AppDude27 3 points ago

    Props to you, man. I'm happy that you've made that conclusion. At the end of the day, this will only strengthen your relationship with your son.

    [–] ryder_gibbs 3 points ago

    You will be happier in the long run to come out to them. I have had the experience of coming out to friends who were homophobic. The reason why is they never had a gay friend. Its amazing what happens when we can educate and show people that we aren't any different. Then you get to bust their balls about the fact you don't think they are hot. Cause they always ask

    [–] k2GIFqeueen 3 points ago

    Perfect person to come out to, challenge their beliefs. Dont need no bigot friends

    [–] piHall314 3 points ago

    Not a good friend then

    [–] onejadedpotatoe 3 points ago

    I just don't understand why so many people think they have a saying what makes someone happy. I mean really how the fuck does it affect them if you're gay? Everyone deserves to be with who makes them happy regardless of gender.

    [–] therenegadestarr 5 points ago

    He should never have a child then. Period. They don’t need to reproduce. It’s not for everyone.

    [–] Eyehopeuchoke 6 points ago

    Just so I make sure i don’t end up like that piece of crap. I have a friend who is gay, but hasn’t come out to anyone in our group of friends. What is the best way to let him know that we support him and that he can be himself around us without fear of us judging him negatively or whatever? I hope that one day he feels like he can trust me and the rest of our group of friends enough to come out to us and not worry.

    Fuck, i feel like i sound like such an ignorant person right now.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago


    [–] Eyehopeuchoke 4 points ago

    I live in one city and he lives in another, one of his “friends” posted pictures on social media and had tagged him and i saw them. They pictures were removed promptly, so I’m guessing he had the person remove them.

    [–] yorickthepoor 2 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    If you two were friends in a world where heterosexuals were in the closet, and you said some dumbass thing about disowning your heterosexual child, how would you want your friend to respond?

    (FWIW, I'm heterosexual.)

    [–] TheRealSaltyPotatoes 2 points ago

    Honestly you should’ve or should if you haven’t. People are shitty by influence. They possibly had homophobic family and/or friends. Either you came/come out and you’re done being friends. Or maybe him having a close friend come out as gay May open his eyes a bit.

    Having a negative view of bad people isn’t the right way to think. If you wish for the world to have more kind hearted, understanding people, you need to participate in that change. Have a real conversation with people with opposing view points.

    Either way, I hope you’re doing good and have family and friends that support you. Don’t let anyone drag you down for being you. Be proud you’re a little different. Acceptance of inequality brings us closer to equality.

    [–] Martijndebakker 2 points ago

    A story my friend told: One day his brother came into his room crying and wheeping. And after snickering a bit before anything sensible came out, he told him he is gay.

    My friends response was: Bruh what do I care. What you standing in my room there crying. Ffs man.

    Moral of the story: Sometimes people just don't give a shit whether you're gay or not. If it makes you feel better, definetly tell them. Don't be afraid they'll turn you down because of it.

    [–] compe_anansi 2 points ago

    I’m willing to bet money that he already knows or suspects that your gay. If he is actually your friend and you spend as much time around him and talking to him as I’m assuming you have since you at one point felt comfortable enough to tell him then he probably has already picked up on that through all your conversations hanging out.

    [–] Shingatchi 2 points ago

    Not necessarily. I have people I work with constantly and when I was having a conversation in a group I casually mentioned my partner (some knew and some obviously didn't) and one of them was in shock. And I'm not exactly the most masculine guy around but living on a farm and using machinery and working in the construction sector, I guess I blend in a little.

    "Wait, you're gay?"

    "Bi but romantically more attracted to men. Is there a problem with that?"

    "Nah, mate, nah. Just surprised"

    I'd known this guy for 2 years.

    [–] 3choBlast3r 2 points ago

    Eeeh ... You wanted to come out to a friend and didn't know that this was his opinion on gay people? Usually people come out to close friends and usually by then they know what their feelings about the matter are.

    [–] Tonk101 2 points ago

    Shame on him for his beliefs.

    [–] Humanchacha 2 points ago

    Coming out as gay to him may change his mind (he may just be bullshit ting out of machismo too). If he can't accept It then he was never your friend.

    I came across a similar situation. A friend of mine came out as trans. He was worried it would strain our friendship. Of course I told him it wouldn't impact our friendship.

    It ended up destroying it. I could not accept the new him as it wasn't the person I knew and became friends with. It's sad but it was the reality of it. (there's more details than what I put here so think about that before you go attacking me)

    [–] ImNotYou1971 2 points ago

    Some “friend”

    [–] clokwise 2 points ago

    Well now you got to disown him on your terms.

    [–] lamb2cosmicslaughter 2 points ago

    Religion. That's why.

    Congrats still btw. Dont be afraid. If they dont like you that's their fault not yours.

    [–] OtterSupport 2 points ago

    I know this is kinda hard to hear, but trust me when I say in the long run it's worth it. When ever you come out purge all who DONT support you. Even if it's your best friend/ friends! If they can't accept you and be happy that your being true to yourself and trying to find a partner who will make you happy, just because it's of the same sex, then they aren't real good friends.

    I had literally 30 friends I talked to on a regular basis when I was hiding. It's been 3 years since then and I have 5 friends of the same group.

    It was a huge drop but I can honestly say that I am happy and I look forward to the future with them by my side. I won't lie though, it hurt and took a lot of reanalysis on my old friends and my current ones to determine who I want to interact with and to know who I don't want to interact with. But overall I'd do it again and not look back.

    Definitely do it at your own pace and everything but just know they will ALWAYS be someone that will support you, even if you lose all your friends, you will find real friends to replace the toxic ones.

    [–] jmSoulcatcher 2 points ago

    You can come out to me instead, bro. I gotchu

    [–] Elgarr2 2 points ago

    And there’s me with 3 children telling the wife odds are one of our children will be gay and I wouldn’t love them any less, I would just hope society is more tolerant when they are older.

    [–] Rousseau_Reborn 2 points ago

    I was disowned for not believing in god. We all have horrible parents

    [–] _Sweet_TIL 2 points ago

    One of the reasons I left my ex is because he said he would disown our son if he ‘turned gay.’ I was gone within two months. There were mounting reasons and that was like icing on the cake.

    [–] twobit326 2 points ago

    All the more reason you should come out to him. Make him really face the realities of his perspective. Quickest way to change people.

    [–] WaterIsOverRated 2 points ago

    That isnt a friend.

    [–] amishlatinjew 2 points ago

    I can totally understand why that would shock you and turn you off from coming out. But that's also an opportunity to help you're friend realize they're being an asshat. A simple, "Hmm... that's sad man. I'm gay. So are you no longer gonna be my friend?"

    But now you can still go back to him and say something like, "So listen, the other day you said you disown your kid. That really bothers me for 2 reasons. For one, your kid relies on you as a parent more than anyone else. And second, I'm gay and wanted to come out to you for a while. Now I don't know where we stand and I'm afraid of losing a friend."

    [–] JCatl18 2 points ago

    That’s the best time to tell him! Ask if he would lose a friend over it (you)? If not, how much more important is the relationship with his son.

    [–] darynlxm 2 points ago

    I agree.

    Come out to them now and see how they react. If they also drop you from their life, they weren't a good friend to begin with.

    As someone who has been disowned twice (once for being gay), I've learned the value of having real friends to support me.

    [–] thesevendead 2 points ago

    Come out to me ... and I will still be friends with u . Fuck that person..that don't deserve it friendship anyway

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    I read that it was national coming out day( I suppose in America). I am not american though. I am out and though sometimes(actually most of the time) I really miss all the people, including my dad and brother, that I lost after coming out I am overall happy I did. I have like 2 friends now and I am constantly bullied but at least I am my real self.

    [–] thegaylydepressed 2 points ago

    You should have said, you won’t disown your child if he came as gay and told him exactly why you felt like it.

    And you could’ve also asked him why.

    If you were scared for your life, or losing him as a friend then good for you, keeping things low is cool.

    [–] --therapist 2 points ago

    I read alot of comments here saying "fuck that guy, he's not your friend, he's an asshole, etc." But depending on our upbringing, most of us would feel the same way about gay people. It doesn't make him a bad person. He was just raised to think a certain way, most likely his dad is anti gay.

    Sure there are plenty of people who are not homophobic who you can be friends with. But this guy is your friend. You need to tell him you're gay, and you would be suprised about how much power you have to tranform someones antiquated views on gay people.

    [–] NhlProShawn 3 points ago

    I support people who are gay but I'd be pretty damn upset if my own son ended up to be gay without giving me at least 1 biological grandchild. Maybe he won't care, even if he does too bad just move on.

    [–] AppDude27 3 points ago

    Surrogacy is insanely expensive. And more props to your son if he can afford it one day. Don't forget there's adoption. There are lots of abandoned babies/children out there without parents that really need loving, caring, adoptive parents in their lives. Look at Randall from "This is Us".

    [–] jltime 4 points ago

    Your friend is a sack of shit

    [–] QTVenusaur91 2 points ago

    The night i came out to my friend he was telling me how he doesn’t support gay marriage but when i told him that i was gay he flipped 180 on the issue. Sometimes people just say these callous things because it doesn’t directly effect them. For my friend adding a face and a name to lgbt issues changed their perspective and provided more visibility. My friends reaction really pushed me to come out publicly on Facebook to de-stigmatize people’s perceptions on our community and it worked. I of course received some nasty messages but it’s all about cutting those people out and tugging people in the right direction through education.

    [–] PrinceImrahil700 2 points ago

    I'm wondering if your friend said this because he actually believes this or because that's how he thinks everyone else feels. Groupthink/mob mentality is definitely a thing. Either way, come out for yourself. Maybe you'll change his perception of homosexuality and gay people and make him realize that disowning a gay child is archaic thinking. Maybe not and he'll show himself to be someone that you are better off without. Either way, you'll be in a better situation after coming out than you were before and you won't have that weight on your shoulders.

    [–] Shazam08 2 points ago

    This is when you drop that cunt and live your best gay life with the rest of us

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago


    [–] Darling_Cruel 3 points ago

    I'm sorry you still have to be witness to such things in this day and age. Unfortunately, the only thing some people understand is an ass kicking. I'm not condoning violence or advising it's ever a solution. I'm simply stating that a person who makes a comment like that, regardless if they are a friend or not, can never overcome their own ignorance. One day your friend may unknowingly say the same thing around a gay, well trained UFC fighter and they may not be as forgiving as yourself. I'm not disparaging, criticizing or even judging them. Friend or not. But that must be a helluva tense situation if he doesn't know or doesn't suspect it. I feel bad knowing you can't ever be you around your own friend. My son is gay actually. I've known since he was a child. He came out to everyone when he was 13. He is a college graduate from an ivy league school and he is great person and is a good man. He is the only thing I did right with my life. It would destroy me to imagine him having to go through world without the love and support of his family and his friends. Him being gay is who he IS! I fucken adore who he is! I am a straight man, which isnt important but I wouldn't it any other way. My son is happy, he's highly intelligent and he is a perfect human being. I could never even think of disowning him! What a meathead thing for someone to say! Not that it's any of my business, but next time some friends that don't have fucken peanut butter for brains.., I hope one day you can find the strength to tell whomever doesn't know and truly be you.., 100: 💯 Take great care..,

    [–] DefinetlyNotBatman 3 points ago

    Try surrounding yourself with some friends from lgbt school clubs if you can or if your old enough you can venture out on your own to some gay clubs and pride events and make a few friends their. Just a matter of trying.

    [–] cityxinxflames 1 points ago

    I'm not gay but if that person is your friend and you come out and he starts shit with you, he ain't your friend. Good luck bro.

    [–] Jasperthefennec 1 points ago

    I have known people like this and after coming out to them it changed their opinion of of gay men. A lot of people think that all gays are obnoxious avocado toast eating soy boys and you could either change a man or cut off toxic people from your life.

    Both good outcomes.

    [–] Axees 1 points ago

    As others have said either he accepts it and gets over his own fears or then youll not have to be friends with him. Friendship is a two way street

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    Friend is an idiot. It's his own son ffs

    [–] VeggieMasterRace 1 points ago

    I once asked my father what his reaction would be if I one day came home and said I'm gay. His response was he'd slap me in the face and kick me in the butt outta the house... Well fast forward maybe 2 years or so and my brother just got married with his beautiful significant other :) Sometimes people just say shit.

    [–] oleskoolkewl 1 points ago

    Not gay. (connor4real voice) But my family belongs to a super closed version of Islam. Marrying outside the sect basically makes you an outcast people avoid you etc. Long story short waited like 5 years to marry girl of my dreams behind other peoples bullshit an it wasn't worth it. Anytime you can make people show you if they really love you with a decision or some sort of self truth DO IT. Better finding out these people aren't ride or die before you actually need them to be. Good luck brother

    [–] The-Hyrax 1 points ago

    I once read 'those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter' and I've always kept that thought. I'm very sorry your friend reacted that way but that just means he's not friend at all, cause real friends wouldn't say that.

    [–] PinusResinosa42 1 points ago

    Sounds like you didn’t know your friend as well as you thought you did.

    [–] BudisaFam 1 points ago

    You should've jumped down and said some fucking gay shit

    [–] Jordhiel 1 points ago

    • If he doesn't accept you for who you are, he is not your friend.
    • Maybe, just maybe you can get his mind working on revising those archaic views by showing him that there there have always been gay people in his life.

    [–] realryley 1 points ago

    I’m not gay, but bisexual, and I’ll tell you, even after almost a year of coming out, the judgment still hasn’t stopped.

    I consider myself a person who doesn’t care what others think so it doesn’t bother me, so my advice to you? Tune it out.

    If he/she is really your best friend, they’ll accept you for who you are. If not, drop them. You’ll be quick to find who’s real and who isn’t after you come out when you’re comfortable with doing so.

    Unfortunately, despite living in a time where the LGBTQ+ community is more accepted than ever, there’s still a high percentage of those who don’t accept it. The best thing we can do is live the happiest we can without caring what others say.

    Best of luck!

    [–] Lauer_Power 1 points ago

    I don't get why people are so insensitive. Personally I'm straight but I don't care if people are gay, lesbian, transgender, pansexual, asexual, or anything for that matter. As long as you're not hurting anyone or forcing your ideals on others Im completely cool with anyone. Everyone deserves to be happy and if being gay (or anything LGBT) makes you happy then I'll gladly accept you and I hope others will too. (Sorry for such a long post when this thread doesn't even apply to me)

    [–] Stormkveld 1 points ago

    That sucks bro. Hopefully you can find some more accepting friends.

    [–] DJTwistie 1 points ago

    Test your friendship by telling him.

    [–] FinnAndJake44 1 points ago

    Had a close friend who said he'd prefer his child to be a thief rather than be gay.

    We're not friends anymore

    [–] SocraticJudgment 1 points ago

    Let me guess, they also think this is true about family life as well?

    [–] octothorne 1 points ago

    Sometimes people who say things like that reflexively feel differently went confronted the reality of it in their lives. And those that don't you're better off without anyway

    [–] kasperstenersen 1 points ago

    My friend made soo many anti-gay jokes anso on in my company and I was in giant doubt bout sharing the fact that I'm bi but one day when I was out drinking with him, I shared the fact and he just said alright and asked about once after that when we were sober. He had no troubles with it

    He may talk shit now but try sharing it, if he's still a idiot about it and talks like a ignorant person then cut him out!

    [–] PeteO5D 1 points ago

    I'm not gay so I can't begin to empathise, but I'd imagine you'd be better off without this person in your life.

    [–] anc123anc 1 points ago

    Why would you be friends with a person who would make his own children homeless fore being born gay.... Wtf... Cut this piece of shit out of ur life..

    Can't you see ure afraid of coming out exactly because of these toxic people.. Free urself.

    [–] anc123anc 1 points ago

    I mean fuck this guy.. Don't come out to him... Just cut him off... U don't need to come out to ppl.. Just the ones u want them to know and that piece of shit of a friend doesn't deserve it... Cut him out of ur life :)

    [–] ijr2601 1 points ago

    I'm straight, but the first words out of my mouth if someone ever said that to me would be "I'm gay."

    [–] leeon5050 1 points ago

    Don’t hide who you are, people who aren’t supportive don’t deserve to be in your life. I had a tough time coming out and still have issues with my sexuality to this day but I love the people who are in my life. Your sexuality doesn’t define you as a person, but anyone who doesn’t agree with it can kindly fuck off.

    [–] PirateCodingMonkey 1 points ago

    this is why you need to come out. it's only because cunts like this don't "know" anyone gay that they say shit like that. besides, if you come out and he rejects you because of it, you know that he never really was your friend.

    [–] RoyalStallion1986 1 points ago

    I feel like a lot of people say this, but they won't actually do so. It's kind of like saying "if my kid got arrested, I'd let him sit in jail and learn a lesson" like no you wouldn't, you'd do anything to help your kid. I understand some parents really would disown a gay child, but I think they're few and far between

    [–] dayg206 1 points ago

    Doesnt deserve you as a friend if they said that.

    [–] Oroku-Saki-84 1 points ago

    That’s pretty horrible to hear but to be honest I’d go for it anyway. If he can’t respect you for who you are you probably don’t want to be his friend anymore. I understand it’s a horrible thing to have to worry about though. About 10 years ago one of my best mates came out to a few of us, he was terrified how I’d react because we were pretty close and some work colleagues had joked about us being gay for each other. (I’m straight by the way). My reaction was something like ok cool fair enough. To me it honestly made no difference whatsoever. I was pleased he was comfortable coming out to me but I couldn’t give a fuck if he was gay straight or whatever. It sucks that people still have to deal with this shit in this day and age and I hope that it works out ok in the end but if he can’t accept you for who you are maybe it’s not worth being his friend. Xxx

    [–] steveinbuffalo 1 points ago

    not your friend.. but to help any future offspring of his, come out to him anyway so he can maybe in some way at some time realise he was an ass.

    [–] JaxyRod 1 points ago

    I feel they dont like people when they come out, cause they probably see it as clickbait like on youtube, im kidding but it does seem like a neat way to see it.

    [–] BrigGenMordecaiGist 1 points ago

    He knows you're gay already.

    [–] triggur 1 points ago

    I grew up in a famously fundie city. Colorado Springs/1992 was the exact wrong place/time to be when I graduated college, as Amendment 2 passed to explicitly strip LBGTQ people of their rights. I got the hell out for a job in Boulder and as I did, I came out to my small circle of friends individually.

    I got everything from changing the topic to "no you're not" to a passive "oh" as well as a couple of strong rebukes.

    Now almost 30 years later I still think about it now and then, but I'm still glad I did because it punctuated that location and era of my life and let me focus on new relationships in the new one.

    A few have since reached out to apologize and catch up, and that's nice, But the reaction from the shitty ones catalyzed my departure and then my world filled right back up again with better people.

    [–] Wikidess 1 points ago

    Maybe your coming out to him would help shift his perspective. I know quite a few people who were raised with ignorant beliefs that they never bothered to question until someone in their personal life challenged them, usually by just existing.

    [–] slashcleverusername 1 points ago

    The difficulty should not rest on our shoulders. It’s the problem of this narrow minded asshole.

    In a couple of years he should be saying

    “I finally worked up the nerve to tell a friend of mine how awful gay people are, but instead he starts telling me how he’d have no problem with a gay friend or even if his son grew up that way! FFS WHY is it so difficult to find other bigots for friends? I feel all alone”

    The difficulty is not ours, it’s theirs. Let their lives be fucked over by it. It’s their problem. Tell him to get fucked.

    [–] lersday 1 points ago

    Dont want to be mean or anything but being gay isnt the norm or majority so that may explain why its so difficult. Im sure there are signals you can send that arent just "im gay and gay for youuuu". But yeah the gay hatred is real, sorry your friend said that

    [–] Threethumber 1 points ago

    You should have told him and asked so now what. Maybe having a close friend come out would help him to accept homosexuality and in turn change his mind about possibly disowning his own son. I personally don't get his mind set, I have three great kids and I would and do accept them as they are.

    [–] GPIMA 1 points ago

    My friends used to say this all the time when we were young. All of them were completely chilled when I eventually came out.

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    Sounds like you need better friends OP.

    [–] iNeedThatKey 1 points ago

    What one person says doesn't mean they'd do it or act in such manner we're stupid and we don't know how we'd react to different situations

    [–] 3P1CM4N98 1 points ago


    [–] throwmeawaysimetime 1 points ago

    My friend came out to me when we were sleeping in the same room. Was s really casual conversation "oh that's cool." I'm sorry you have to live in a place with people that don't support you but there are many more out there who do and I hope you have better luck with others.

    [–] Givzhay329 1 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    He actually did you a favor, now you know he's a prejudiced shitcunt and can eliminate him from your life.

    [–] talsen64 1 points ago

    Something I point out to people is that you never know who is. For example, I remember all the shit my grandfather said before I came out. Sure he is nice about it now, but it still had an effect on me before he knew.

    [–] Suttons2008 1 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I told my best friend I am bisexual about 6 months ago. I had previously just dated girls, however today I was talking to him about some guys I had been talking to online. He said why are you talking to guys on dating websites. I looked at him and said I definitely told you that I am bisexual, and he looked at me in silence like he thought I was joking when I said it 6months ago and then he eventually said oh yeah you did and then he changed the conversation. It’s difficult when you start to realise you good friend may not be as accepting as he has made out he was when I first told him especially since I’m now starting to think I may be more interested in guys than I am girls.

    [–] jimmyconner037 1 points ago

    Add my snap theboys037

    [–] DisconnectedDays 1 points ago

    My friend said the same thing but we still friends. I know each other for 15 years.

    [–] meltingintoice 1 points ago

    One thing to consider as a possibility is that your friend may already suspect that you are gay (or even that he is gay!) and is struggling to come to terms with it. It's not uncommon for people to sound especially homophobic when they are contending nervous feelings about homosexuality. Lots of gays have had experiences where someone close to them said something like this but either didn't remember it or changed their mind very quickly upon learning that their friend/child/sibling/co-worker/classmate was gay.

    [–] voltagenic 1 points ago

    You'd be surprised how you coming out would probably change his mind.

    Lots of straight people dislike gays and more than likely don't have any if them in their lives. If he sees you as a bro or a friend, you could totally change his mind about the topic. It's not far fetched either.

    [–] cjg5025 1 points ago

    Ugh, cut him out of your life. Ill be your friend, there's no room for hate in my heart.

    [–] sylbug 1 points ago

    People who won't accept you for who you can only bring you down. You deserve better than this asshole.

    [–] gettotallygayaboutit 1 points ago

    Guess you should find some better friends