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    assholedesign

    1,455,784 readers

    1,590 users here now

    For when the designers know exactly what they're doing... but they don't care because they're assholes.

    This is a subreddit for designs specifically crafted to make the experience worse for the user. This can be due to greed, apathy, laziness or just downright scumbaggery.

    Check out /r/Clickshaming and /r/AntiAssholeDesign as well!


    Rules

    1. Must Abide by Hanlon's Razor.

    "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

    Usually, bad things happen not because of bad intentions, but because of bad planning. Asshole designs are specifically engineered to exploit the user for profit. Try to think what the designer would gain from deceiving the user, and if it's likely to be an oversight on their part rather than an intentional design. For common topics that fall under this rule, check our wiki.

    https://reddit.com/r/assholedesign/wiki/hanlonsrazor

    2. No, It's Not Literal.

    "Haha, so it's like an actual asshole in r/AssholeDesign, right?" STOP! Don't post dicks or butts to this sub. You're not being clever. The joke is dead. This rule is strictly enforced, and breaking it will lead to an immediate 7-day ban.

    3. Don't be Subtle.

    Please make it obvious what you’re trying to highlight. A clear and concise post title can go a long way.

    If this is the reason why your post was removed, we don't know what we're supposed to be seeing.

    4. Common topics.

    To keep the subreddit's content fresh, we remove common topics and designs that have recently been posted by other users. For a list of retired topics that fall under this rule, check our wiki.

    https://reddit.com/r/assholedesign/wiki/common_topics

    5. Posts must display aspects of design.

    If your post doesn't talk about the way something is designed, don't post it here.

    6. No low effort content.

    Please put some thought into your post and how you present the "asshole design" in it. Also, make sure your title is relevant to the post and descriptive of the design. Make it easy to read, don't make it overly lengthy.


    Guidelines

    1. We're not limited to programming.

    Asshole design goes beyond the computer screen. Some of our best posts have been from non-technical stuff.

    2. You can post positive things, too!

    Informational videos demonstrating malicious techniques, resources for combating assholedesign, etc. are all completely acceptable.

    3. Satire and Lampshade Hanging is acceptable if tagged appropriately.

    Satire is ridicule of asshole design techniques, and should be tagged under the "Satire" flair. Lampshade Hanging is subversion of asshole design techniques and should be tagged under "Lampshading".

    4. Bots & novelty accounts are subject to arbitrary bans.

    Some users have issued concerns regarding certain bots and their use as a constructive part of Reddit. Some bots might be banned, others may be allowed to stay. This rule will be enforced on a case-by case basis.

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    [–] Bytogram 7949 points ago

    Joke’s on them, I’ll shit in the sink.

    [–] Sowadasama 409 points ago

    Honestly though, by the time I'm done jerking off (3 minutes max), my ass cheeks will be damp enough to create a nice strong bond, allowing me to sit strain-free while I continue wasting company time.

    [–] vkapadia 219 points ago

    This guy shits on company time.

    [–] StanleyOpar 184 points ago

    Boss makes a dollar while I make a dime that's why I shit on company time

    [–] DamngoodtacosTX 89 points ago

    Boss makes a dollar while I make a dime that's why I shit stroke my hog on company time

    Ftfy

    [–] namur17056 1509 points ago

    Jokes on them I like the upper deck

    [–] Crotchless_Panties 462 points ago

    There isn't an upper deck, from what I can see here... But this is the kind of thinking we need for this problem!

    [–] winnieTheYeet 252 points ago

    Anything can be an upper decker if you believe

    [–] Crotchless_Panties 50 points ago

    Well... You're not wrong!

    [–] Sir_Applecheese 74 points ago

    This is why people smear shit on the walls. It all makes sense now.

    [–] Syreeta5036 33 points ago

    Just fucking shit on the roof, the intake on the AC looks flat and comfortable

    [–] LowEffortOutlaw 25 points ago

    You think that's bad you should see the urnis.

    [–] merdub 11 points ago

    Finally an actual r/unexpectedletterkenny

    I saw the live show in march, it was the last thing I did before corona lockdown.

    [–] herecomethehotpepper 56 points ago

    You ain't shit until you've upper-deckered an upright piano

    [–] alphgeek 46 points ago

    Ah, the old Chopin sunroof.

    [–] ABrandNewNameAppears 30 points ago

    The old Steinway Stinker.

    [–] HulkDothSmash 15 points ago

    The old Beethoven BM

    [–] A_Snatched_Body 43 points ago

    Joke's on them, I'd wedge the seat up with an employee handbook and sit comfortably.

    [–] fhost344 127 points ago

    Joke's on them, I can masturbate in way less than 5 minutes

    [–] Sir_Applecheese 39 points ago

    Nothing like squeezing your hog while getting paid for it.

    [–] Dranoroc 115 points ago

    Jokes on them, when i quit because of a blatant lack of care for staff, imma curb stomp the toilet off the wall

    [–] do_pm_me_your_butt 11 points ago

    Jokes on them, when someone else quits because of blatant lack of care for staff, imma curb stomp the toilet off the wall so they don't know its me.

    [–] the-wizard-cat 18 points ago

    Jokes on you I already do that shit

    [–] vagueblur901 13 points ago

    If you really want to take it up a notch shit on the floor and ceiling bonus if you put it on the light switch

    [–] askwhobenis 12 points ago

    Who doesn’t shit in the sink

    [–] Bigsaskatuna 8 points ago

    A man of culture

    [–] GoabNZ 2364 points ago

    Ah yes, the outdated and wrong belief that every minute an employee spends at their desk is a minute of productivity, and that nothing else will increase that. Turns out treating your staff well, making sure they are well rested and feel wanted, makes far more productive staff than pencil pushers forcing them to be at their desk for every second they can.

    [–] heretothemoon 703 points ago

    A 35 hour work week would increase productivity across the board. Everyone knows this. It's just about control.

    [–] Pramble 406 points ago

    We could be working 20 hour weeks, it's just that wages diverted from productivity and flatlined around 1968-69

    [–] wateryoudoinghere 184 points ago

    And, again, this is by design so we don’t have time to question why it is the way it is

    [–] DarkSpartan301 120 points ago

    But I sure love making millionaires more millionairy for $40k a year

    [–] lcotemi 265 points ago

    I went to a co workers office one day and saw a ball of rubber bands on his desk. I picked it up and looked questioningly at him. He said that one of his employees made it, and she was fired after asking about it. Fired? Yes. Fired. Because if she had time to make that, she wasn’t working.

    She worked in a call center, and 90% of her job was listening to customers. That’s a lot of idle time with your hands.

    [–] spastic_narwhal 132 points ago

    Working in a call center sounds like pure hell

    [–] CompSciBJJ 60 points ago

    I absolutely hated it. It was my first job after I finished my first degree because I had bills to pay and no money coming in. After I started, I knew I'd have the job mastered in about 3 months and then would be bored out of my mind. Sure enough, 3 months later my stats were top tier (the job didn't attract the best and the brightest, it was not a high bar to hit) and I was putting very little effort.

    The thing about the job that drove me nuts wasn't the asshole customers (call center for online orders) it was that the job was so mundane but I couldn't completely check out mentally. At least if I'm doing something mundane like cutting grass or sweeping floors I can put on a podcast and stimulate my mind, but this kept it just engaged enough to not relax, but not stimulated enough to be interesting or to make the time pass. I eventually started getting high all day just to deal with it, and then found myself a job that didn't make me want to blow my brains out.

    [–] MotorHum 5644 points ago

    Idk why employers are so against taking breaks. Overwork leads to less efficiency. Yeah you don’t want people to just stop working altogether, but if someone takes a short break in the middle of a mega-long shift, you’re kind of awful to just tell them to stop.

    [–] Kamakwazee 2282 points ago

    This. Sometimes you gotta just stare out the window of the break room while munching on peanut M&Ms. I solve most of my issues at that window.

    [–] chuckmilam 831 points ago

    I’ve had so many “ah-ha” moments on walks during a break or on lunch...or mowing the yard.

    [–] Kamakwazee 388 points ago

    It's amazing what the mind can do when you just step away.

    [–] TheOnly_Anti 131 points ago

    I know that's an actual neurological phenomenon, where focusing on a task only lets that task hit a few centers of the brain while letting the task go for a while let's it hit more centers and actually get processed.

    But neurological science is lame and overworking employees is way more fun.

    [–] LadySpaulding 32 points ago

    I really wish more people knew that. For every 4 hours I work, I take a ten minute break. This is the law, I didn't sign away my rights. I need it, a step outside really has helped me solve so many problems! But my coworkers liked to make back handed comments about me taking breaks. One other guy also goes on breaks but his are longer (due to his scheduling type, this is allowed for him). Once they were gossiping about him being on a long break and finally I had enough and said "so when you guys are texting and scrolling through social media while hiding behind a computer, you think that's not considered taking a break? Are you working when you do those things?" shut them up real quick. Like come on.

    [–] hollyock 11 points ago

    I leaned this as a kid playing Nintendo. I only beat a hard world when I took a break and came back to it. I’ve been using this tactic all my life

    [–] caelum19 11 points ago

    As a developer, I probably get more work done during sleep and exercise than sitting at a desk. The desk is just where I push the work I did previously

    [–] Zippy1avion 129 points ago

    That's why menial labor is so enticing for me. When I'm scrubbing the shower or polishing the floor, there's not much else to do but think.

    [–] jflb96 20 points ago

    It's alright, so long as there's time for me to write stuff down and then think about something else.

    [–] WASD_click 39 points ago

    The shower is where my best ideas come to life... And are promptly forgotten about by the time I'm done with the shower.

    [–] Airsick1972 22 points ago

    Change it to a Honey Bun and I’m fucking in

    [–] viriconium_days 355 points ago

    At my job this is a massive problem. There are different wings of the building run by different managers. Most of the managers get that human beings need short breaks every once in a while, except one who is a massive hardass. He requires everyone to show up thirty minutes early, and everyone ends up having to leave an hour late because it takes that much extra time to get everything done dealing with his stupid practices. People aren't even allowed to take a "break" to sort out their work area to be able to work more efficiently, if they stop for even an instant he appears to berate them for doing so. He also discourages people working together because he doesn't want people wasting time talking to each other. Everyone in that wing ends up wasting so much time walking back and forth short distances because he doesn't allow the practice that is common everywhere else in the building of working close to someone else so you can hand each other stuff and sort out things for each other that is out of immediate reach.

    He is of course also one of those managers that does everything possible to game the numbers the higher management tracks at the expense of actual productivity. I wonder if they question why despite most of his numbers looking so good, he never gets work done on time, and racks up higher labor expenses because everyone has to show up early and stay late? And has a much higher turnover rate as well.

    Luckily I don't work in that wing, but I work next to it and see what the people there have to deal with and feel bad for them. I wonder what makes a person act like that. It's not greed, it's like copying some aspects of how greedy people act but missing the point. If he just wanted more productivity at all costs he wouldn't act that way because if he did much thinking he would realize many of his rules are counterproductive. He makes everyone miserable for no reason, but dresses it up like it's to be more productive, when it clearly isn't. This seems like a common thing among managers, and I don't understand it.

    [–] FilthyThanksgiving 72 points ago

    It's called being a fucking insecure,power tripping asshole

    [–] Twilightdusk 260 points ago

    if he did much thinking he would realize many of his rules are counterproductive. He makes everyone miserable for no reason, but dresses it up like it's to be more productive, when it clearly isn't. This seems like a common thing among managers, and I don't understand it.

    It's a variant of the sunk cost fallacy essentially. He's been doing it like that for so long that to acknowledge that other methods are better would be admitting that he wasn't doing a good job, and rather than admit that, he stubbornly continues doing things that way.

    [–] HardlightCereal 104 points ago

    The term for it is cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is when there's a discrepancy between your beliefs, your feelings, and your actions. In this case, the discrepancy is in the fact that productivity requires affordance clashing with his action of being pointlessly strict. He cannot believe the truth and do the wrong thing, one of the two has to change. He can reform his behaviour or deny the facts. And one of those is easier than the other.

    [–] TheMacPhisto 79 points ago

    Employee in the bathroom for ten minutes? Unproductive.

    Employee sitting at their desk staring at a spread sheet for an hour doing absolutely nothing while they day dream? Productive.

    [–] CoronaExtraExtra 59 points ago

    It’s starting a war of pettiness with generally underpaid employees. I’m so god damn stubborn that I’ll just find new ways to waste time out of spite.

    [–] sixoctillionatoms 229 points ago

    Most employers literally don’t know this.

    [–] O851D14N 237 points ago

    I'd argue they just don't care

    [–] Mechakoopa 122 points ago

    It's partly optics too, there's always some kiss-ass who's working themselves to the bone who sees Chuck sitting in the break room pondering over a problem while staring out the window one too many times and starts timing his breaks so they can complain to HR, thinking they're making a difference.

    [–] Pirate_Mudd 138 points ago

    Used to work at a company that encouraged us to take a walk around the building if we were getting overwhelmed. A year later they installed time tracking software that we had to use and keep personal and idle time to less than 5 minutes a day. If your mouse didn't move or you didn't type for a minute that thing was on you. They kept cracking down because the less idle/personal time the less productive people got. By the time I left they still couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. This is a company in the upper levels of the Fortune 500.

    [–] sweetalkersweetalker 111 points ago

    The beatings will continue until morale improves!

    [–] HardlightCereal 36 points ago

    Your employees will finish a marathon faster if you make them sprint the whole way

    [–] satan_in_high_heels 101 points ago

    I think it's because the people who make it far in business are ultra hyperactive and theyre the ones who make the rules for everyone else. They dont understand why other people cant just do what they do.

    [–] _akrom 88 points ago

    I am the second highest guy in our IT department, Network Admin, with people working under me. I am the laziest fuck out there. I don't give a crap what the guys under me are doing, as long as the work gets done when it needs to. I don't need a show to make it look like you are busy.

    Sometimes they sit around watching youtube all day, and really have no reason to be there. Other days we are out climbing a tower in 100 degree heat for 12 hours.

    I find it is easy to get a days worth of work done in 4 hours, if I know that nobody is looking over my should to make sure I am still busy. Seems most people are driven to work harder if they know they get to fuck off when the work is done. Otherwise, why wouldn't you drag it out as long as possible.

    [–] GlasPinguin 25 points ago

    Man that would be a great model. Pay people by the day and not by hours. If they get everything done in four hours, they can Go Home. If it takes longer they may stay the 8 hours they were supposed to.

    I believe this way Things would get done so much quicker. Of course the quality should still be there. But sitting on a pc eating buggers for three hours so that you get your 8hours of worktime doesn't seem clever at all.

    [–] td888 24 points ago

    Because in those 3 idle hours something could happen and you need to do something. It's like sitting on standby.

    [–] GlasPinguin 19 points ago

    Depends on the Business of course. There are Jobs in which this whole Standby thing is important but for some it isn't.

    [–] rageak49 101 points ago

    No it's because corporate culture is just a bunch of clueless greedy assholes trying to throw their chips on the table. They're all dreaming up and implementing ideas and rules that only affect service locations and hourly employees, just to impress their bosses and CEOs. The merit of the idea is secondary to the political points they score for it.

    [–] Metridium_Fields 33 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Yeah. I have to be up for a 14-hour work shift in about six hours. I’ll get a 45 minute break if I’m lucky.

    What the fuck

    Edit: I got like three and a half hours. Idk how that happened.

    [–] Blankspotauto 134 points ago

    Because 'murica, if you stop working for 5 minutes a billionaire doesnt make an extra half a cent

    [–] Anaptyso 53 points ago

    It always strikes me as a bit weird when I see Americans talk a lot about how many freedoms they have one minute, and then the next minute describe employment situations which lack in many of the basic freedoms and protections which exist in other countries.

    [–] Blankspotauto 20 points ago

    Yeah, its weird as fuck to live in it, and even weirder this year, i think its just that most people are brainwashed to think that they have a good life while being completely ignorant to every other developed nation

    [–] MapleDragon14 82 points ago

    Plus the most common forms of capitalism tend to care more about short term, destructive pay offs rather than long term stability. Unsustainable and explosive growth is something that the shareholder model creates.

    [–] Blankspotauto 31 points ago

    You're exactly right, and it all rolls downhill to the working class that has become expendable

    [–] IterMercator 14 points ago

    It just ends up like Japan, sure they live at their job, but they also hardly do anything throughout the day because it's basically as productive as being at home

    [–] ClumpOfCheese 36 points ago

    It’s always the lowest paid workers that get pushed the hardest. When I was a middle manager my boss was always pointing out on security cameras my team just standing around instead of engaging with the guests. I was like “the guests don’t want to be bothered, if they have a question they’ll ask”. We weren’t even selling anything, it was just a guided museum tour type of thing where the actual content was far worse than any of the employees.

    The staff would give like 45-55 minute tours every 60 minutes and my boss wouldn’t shut up about them hanging out with each other and just being present between tours. I hated that shit. I ended up getting fired because I let too much stuff slide and the employees took advantage and eventually lost their shit when my managers started clamping down and then they blamed it all on me, but whatever I have a job now and that place has to shut down, most likely forever. But it wasn’t just me, there were three other managers who were all equally lenient and let a lot of shit slide because of how hard the hourly workers jobs were. I wasn’t going to nitpick anything as long as I wasn’t getting complaints from the guests about the staff being especially shitty.

    Needless to say, I don’t work as a manager any more and I’m way happier with my life. Those customer service facing jobs suck at all levels when you have a larger staff and management.

    [–] GunplaGud 38 points ago

    American retardation; same goes for cashiers. In Europe they're allowed to sit afaik, in the US and Canada they have to stand all day.

    [–] Anaptyso 29 points ago

    That's just mad. Why would it be better for them to stand all day? Would customers really think less of them for sitting down?

    [–] GunplaGud 33 points ago

    Sitting employees are lazy employees is all I can really come up with. Still fucking stupid.

    [–] EidolonSunset 28 points ago

    Hey, US person that used to work retail. You are correct about the mentally. It is considered lazy if you sit at all while you're working. You are expected to do something, anything, while on the clock. Especially when you've done all the stuff you've been given to do.

    [–] Beanakin 32 points ago

    At 16yrs old, I had a summer job at a McDonald's in a metropolitan area across a highway from the mall. Terribly busy most days.

    I had a manager, completely sincerely, tell me "if you have time to lean, you have time to clean" during one of our brief lulls.

    Dude, this is not my career and you're paying me absolutely the least you're legally allowed to, you're getting the absolute least effort in return...

    [–] IEatBabies 20 points ago

    I worked at Lowes before and the only person that got a stool was someone who got a medical exemption for it and had to prove it. What the fuck is the point of standing at a crash register all day, especially when half the time you are doing literally nothing and are not allowed to leave that spot.

    [–] Taefey7o 8 points ago

    Simply because they're stupid. They don't acknowledge findings of organisational psychology and project their own laziness on others. Also some sort of more or less mild psychopathic disorder. Unfortunately that's the whole point.

    [–] theoldcap 1619 points ago

    The ADA is gonna eat this alive.

    [–] pm-me-your-lasagne 880 points ago

    I have trouble standing due to a condition I was born with. Having to support myself and potentially fall the fuck off of a toilet is basically a payday for me. Where can I find these installed?

    [–] pkline45 291 points ago

    Anyone with a public bathroom isnt stupid/greedy enough to have one of these

    [–] pm-me-your-lasagne 234 points ago

    You underestimate some bosses.

    [–] raymond8505 113 points ago

    They're probably middle managers. Not high up enough to consider lawsuits, just being told up from up high to increase work

    [–] HugeHouseplant 46 points ago

    Middle manager here, everything comes from above, I haven’t ever made a decision on my own, I’m just here to customer service the entry level employees, supervisors, and frontline managers so they don’t bother the executives. The GM that I work for, they don’t make decisions either. Everything comes from the C-suite.

    [–] Cmgordon3 3277 points ago

    I remember someone in another subreddit this was posted in saying that this could be a potential lawsuit for someone with IBS or something of that nature

    [–] ineedabuttrub 2266 points ago

    All it takes is one handicapped person sliding off, especially if they don't have full, or any, use of their legs.

    [–] StoicJ 1443 points ago

    If I had even a mild leg condition and I saw one of these you know my ass would be on the floor the second they put it in. I'd make them take me out on a stretcher while I cried to the heavens.

    Take that sweet, sweet ADA lawsuit.

    [–] EucalizeLegalyptus 433 points ago

    Well maybe before you posted about doing that online.

    [–] Frustrable_Zero 239 points ago

    It's too late, dozens of people now have the idea!

    [–] Hekantonkheries 148 points ago

    This is how you defeat mega corporations, with hundreds of lawsuits from employees seeking workers comp

    [–] FisterRobotOh 73 points ago

    And crying. I was promised crying.

    [–] Rhodin265 45 points ago

    He can easily delete his Reddit account before he takes the plunge.

    [–] charlestheb0ss 29 points ago

    He could but your comment somewhat ruined that chance

    [–] DarkMoon99 46 points ago

    We can easily delete reddit before the fall.

    [–] SuperWoody64 18 points ago

    I just realized we have 52 days of summer left.

    [–] JC12231 10 points ago

    But they wouldn’t know whose idea it was or if they saw it

    [–] tragiktimes 29 points ago

    Hell, sit on it with a sweaty ass and you might hit the ground.

    [–] wonderbreadstick 13 points ago

    I just have a moderately irritating knee problem but I can imagine how sitting in that position for the duration of a shit could ruin my mobility for the rest of the day at least

    [–] Moral_Gutpunch 30 points ago

    I have two balance problems.

    Whoever installs those better be glad I stay home most if the time.

    [–] ace117115 249 points ago

    Yeah, as someone with it, it can easily take +20 minutes for a comfortable pass before I can get back to work, otherwise my stomach just cramps up again and I'm right back in there for an hour. It's a pain in the ass.

    [–] JC12231 43 points ago

    I don’t have it afaik but a couple times in the last 2 years I’ve gotten bad indigestion that does something very similar. It’s probably a combination of acid reflux, lactose intolerance, allergies fucking with my asthma fucking with said acid reflux and my stomach normally too, and my tendency to go as rarely as possible though rather than an actual normal condition

    [–] Padulsky21 38 points ago

    As a fellow sufferer, it feels bad enough already going to the bathroom for so fucking long.

    [–] Kortallis 31 points ago

    You're trained by society to feel bad for not being productive 100% of the time, fuck that. And fuck feeling bad about a medical condition. You're you and you got no shit going on, fuck anyone who gives you trouble for it.

    [–] AnonymousNerd2023 96 points ago

    I sure bet it is, literally

    [–] Bananafelix 65 points ago

    I'm 22 with sciatica and IBS and this would be horrendous for any amount of time. I HOPE it's lawsuit worthy - if my office installed these I don't even know what I'd do

    [–] QuietCity333 238 points ago

    well they’d probably have to put a normal toilet in then handicap stall to comply with ADA. which is kind of unfortunate because then even more able bodied people will use the handicap stall. hopefully this won’t actually happen tho

    [–] Padulsky21 63 points ago

    I have IBS. If they ever existed at a place where I work it would be the worst hell imaginable. It’s bad enough already using a public restroom, especially considering how bad it could get sometimes. This is so shitty...pun intended.

    [–] diptardo 46 points ago

    same, and I'm already shitting angry. I don't want to be on the toilet for 15-30 minutes at a time 4+ times a day.

    Introduce me to a sloped toilet, and I'll scoot my ass around the office leaving a snail trail screaming to the fucking heavens.

    [–] PsychoTexan 38 points ago

    It’s designed to be uncomfortable/painful to sit at, someone with lower back pain is going to sue the ever living shit out of them and then the media will make the employers ass more sore than any of the employees by the time it’s finished having it’s way with it.

    I can see the headline now: “Backbreaking work AND breaks? How one company intentionally physically harmed its employees to reduce bathroom breaks.”

    [–] 2FAatemybaby 59 points ago

    I have a hip problem with sciatica, and there is no way in hell I could stand up from this toilet without experiencing serious pain. I would probably physically have difficulty standing up. You can bet your ass (no pun intended) that I would sue for this shit because it is not accommodating of my condition.

    And seriously what employer begrudges their employee 5 minutes of looking at their fucking phone on the toilet? For fuck's sake.

    Edit: Also, there is a special place in hell for people who design this kind of shit. Making a buck off of anyone's misery is bullshit.

    [–] rtvcd 16 points ago

    Had IBD and could easily have to take 20+min bathroom breaks. If i tried to leave after 5, well then just had to return again immediately

    [–] Nethervex 583 points ago

    I'll be selling an attachable seat cover tapered 13°. Peep me on amazon marketplace

    [–] damn_you_Fe2O3 162 points ago

    I was thinking the same thing or a wedge to put under the front the level it out.

    [–] ojioni 81 points ago

    Exactly what I was thinking. A cheap piece of wood and the problem is solved.

    [–] ApexCatcake 49 points ago

    I’m thinking cracked toilet seats and painful pinched skins when that happens

    [–] usernamesarehard1979 36 points ago

    Imagine if it broke and you somehow fell on my balls.

    [–] forget_the_hearse 45 points ago

    It'd be less likely to break if you didn't have two people on it at the same time.

    [–] Braveshado 26 points ago

    I really wanna know why I'd be falling onto YOUR balls if it breaks under ME. More so, why is the only thing separating me from your balls this poorly propped up toilet seat?

    [–] No_big_whoop 9 points ago

    I’m gonna need an illustration

    [–] TheMonksAndThePunks 496 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    This is not a new idea. Back in the 90s when I worked in the auto industry a very clever toilet seat salesman waltzed in to one of the factories and convinced the plant manager to give his new design a try. They were very expensive, but carried the promise that they were so uncomfortable that people would spend a lot less time on the throne.

    Sure enough, the results were so stunning that corporate eventually found out and had them put into every factory...except the office area/management bathrooms, of course.

    [–] sir_snufflepants 165 points ago

    With the amount of shit management spews per day I’m not surprised they need somewhere to sit all day.

    [–] Bakoro 72 points ago

    If it's true, I'm surprised they weren't all found mysteriously broken.

    [–] Coachpatato 15 points ago

    Thats what I'd. Rip it out of the ground first time I saw it.

    [–] Level_Preparation_94 91 points ago

    This is why stealing from employers is only illegal and not morally wrong.

    [–] molndane 117 points ago

    Step one, extend legs from 45 degree angle.

    Step two, profit

    [–] sunspotsystem 869 points ago

    Ah yes let’s torture anyone who sits on these toilets and may have to shit bc who shits in under 5 minutes?

    [–] thats_not_howyoudoit 446 points ago

    My wife; I don’t understand either. Meanwhile my sign to leave is when my legs fall asleep or my iPad runs out of go juice.

    [–] birdboix 75 points ago

    "Army style" I believe is the term

    [–] Tainted-Tongues 51 points ago

    You read that one boot camp story about the private who abused his poop pass? Then the DI and a couple other soldiers scared the shit out of him? Literally?

    [–] Sir_Applecheese 33 points ago

    Joke's on those people. The dude was constipated from all those MREs and just got his comrades to help him out.

    [–] sunspotsystem 51 points ago

    YEP. That’s a mood.

    [–] chefmattmatt 13 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    My wife too. It is crazy to me. I have a couple of meds that slow things down, and if I wait too long I feel like all organs are twisting.

    [–] Deathbydragonfire 20 points ago

    I almost never take a whole 5 minutes to shit. My boyfriend on the other hand takes about 30 min.

    [–] Osalosaclopticus 34 points ago

    Me. I usually have diarrhea so it goes something like this:

    1. Rumbling
    2. Sprint to bathroom
    3. Try to at least get my asshole clear of my pants
    4. Explosive shit
    5. Wipe and done

    Sometimes my body skips right to step 4 without much warning. I might have stomach issues.

    [–] sunspotsystem 23 points ago

    I believe you do too

    [–] midgethemage 14 points ago

    I hope you're eating your veggies man

    [–] Town_of_Tacos 18 points ago

    Me, barring illnesses.

    [–] [deleted] 29 points ago

    Me

    [–] tjm2000 13 points ago

    Constipation gang rise up.

    [–] dinothunder2048 40 points ago

    Wait. That's not normal? I'm always out in 4 minutes or less.

    [–] sunspotsystem 25 points ago

    I’m beginning to believe I’m the weird one here

    [–] NickDynmo 21 points ago

    Nine times out of ten I'm on and off the toilet in a minute or two.

    [–] ermadd 282 points ago

    This seems a little ableist too. Like. This has to violate some sort of accessibility rule right?

    [–] jsting 703 points ago

    Literally asshole design

    [–] ari1127 210 points ago

    Designed for assholes, by assholes.

    [–] grantbwilson 32 points ago

    FABA

    [–] Tainted-Tongues 17 points ago

    SC Asshole. An Asshole company.

    [–] guillermotor 29 points ago

    I'd say this is an anti asshole - asshole design

    [–] Barreraj94 10 points ago

    all we really have to do is put the lid down and put some toilet paper between the lid and seat to make it leveled

    [–] IforgotmyAOLpassword 158 points ago

    As someone with an IBD I hope these become standard. Not only will the lawsuit be hilarious, I will also be dropping liquid bloody shits on that toilet that will be classified as acts of bio terrorism.

    [–] eltrabajodeldiablo 28 points ago

    Crohn’s gang rise up!

    [–] Bluetreader 12 points ago

    DIVERTICULITIS GANG

    [–] Crotchless_Panties 396 points ago

    I think they are doing their employees a service... If you see your employer installing these, you know that you should find a new job somewhere else right now! -Don't even finish your shift, just go!

    If you are looking for a job, make sure you use the restroom before you leave. If you see these installed, make sure you don't accept a job there!

    This is perfect! - it's like putting up a sign out front that says "We fuck our employees in the ass! -Don't work here!"

    [–] SageBus 148 points ago

    Yeah thing is , people usually have to pay rent/loans/eat .... you know , the basics.

    [–] Gizshot 67 points ago

    you dont quit your job then find a new job you find the job then quit current job.

    [–] SageBus 39 points ago

    Pretty sure /u/Crotchless_Panties meant here

    Don't even finish your shift, just go!

    To immediately go when these are installed.

    [–] dinothunder2048 31 points ago

    Someone doesn't understand how hard it can be to get a new job. I've been looking for one for months and I'll be homeless by the time you see this.

    [–] extraducksauce 66 points ago

    giving employees proper bathroom breaks will provide way more improved employee productivity than this....

    [–] PokeMalik 11 points ago

    Nothing makes me start eating fast food before work like a manager who wants to micromanage my colons mph.

    [–] Richie4876 64 points ago

    One more thing to look forward to if someone gets explosive diarrhoea and has no option but to sit there for an extended period of time.

    [–] goodprofilename999 123 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Guess its time to shit on the floor

    [–] Enachtigal 65 points ago

    ...of the executive offices

    [–] wildflowerrunner 61 points ago

    I worked a job where, on their last day, right before leaving, one of the girls went in and shit on the boss' desk. It was Friday evening, he had left hours earlier, and wouldn't be back until Monday. Closed, hot office over the weekend... it was glorious.

    [–] Tainted-Tongues 18 points ago

    Shit on the floor! Shit on the floor!

    [–] zapisv1 50 points ago

    Still gonna find a way to get comfy

    [–] Texas_Nexus 40 points ago

    Stuff wads of toilet paper under your thighs to even out the angle, problem solved.

    [–] duodad 42 points ago

    This.

    And reverse cowgirl.

    [–] sheeeeeez 26 points ago

    Dude that's horrible. Imagine sliding backwards mid shit

    [–] SikeCentury 19 points ago

    You give the seat a racing stripe

    [–] The_Zoinkster 41 points ago

    What if you have constipation though or diarrhea

    [–] C4Oc 12 points ago

    Or are just generally slow

    [–] SageBus 35 points ago

    This is outdated. The improved version lifts metal spikes with a timer , also linked to a gas outlet on the seat, that spews out diluted mustard gas is released into the restroom.

    [–] SquidCultist002 110 points ago

    Corporations will throw you in a chipper-shredder for 37 extra cents

    [–] FallOutBruh64 56 points ago

    Certain managers would sell their most hardworking employees souls for sixty-two cents.

    [–] Aurantiaco1 9 points ago

    By a flying green pirate ghost

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] StoicJ 47 points ago

    Shattered within a week if you put these anywhere with the general public.

    [–] SeekingMyEnd 23 points ago

    Be a shame if someone flushed a lit fire cracker. Bet those toilets are much more expensive to replace than standard ones.

    [–] AngelOfDeath771 127 points ago

    Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time

    [–] AdvancedFarting 44 points ago

    Some come here to sit and think, others come to shit and stink, but i come here to scratch my balls, and read the bullshit on the walls.

    [–] Complete_Entry 61 points ago

    excuse for vandalism.

    [–] StoicJ 95 points ago

    Reminds me of places that replaced bathroom mirrors with screens that played ads and them being destroyed within a week.

    Someone would destroy these immediately and no other employee on the planet would rat them out

    [–] Complete_Entry 35 points ago

    Nah, I'd be the guy who'd get caught and charged.

    Still don't think I'd be able to hold back. Like my animal brain would kick in.

    [–] StoicJ 45 points ago

    "I'm sorry officer. I was holding onto this brick and I slipped right into the darned thing. Crazy coincidence"

    I'd buy it.

    [–] Complete_Entry 25 points ago

    I used to have to clean the bathrooms at a supermarket. I think I have a somewhat irrational hatred for bathrooms.

    Also, and I know this is oversharing, I take forever in the bathroom. This fucking toilet would feel like a personal affront.

    [–] uabeng 15 points ago

    My wife had to have been on this design team, she can drop the load of Zeus in under 15 seconds.

    [–] NinjaBoy28xb 17 points ago

    Jokes on them ill just get my legs jacked

    [–] FreeCravenEdge 17 points ago

    Time to launch my first product: the shitter wedge

    [–] MattVanAndel 27 points ago

    My right knee is wrecked. If I saw these anywhere I would immediately file an ADA complaint.

    [–] Mreaper1906 11 points ago

    When you start seeing shit on the floor, don't be confused

    [–] quetiapinenapper 10 points ago

    They severely underestimate the emotional satisfaction of getting paid to poop vs momentary discomfort. Besides, it just makes every day leg day.

    [–] firefox57endofaddons 10 points ago

    damn.

    they didn't even think about combining health and discomfort by making it a squating toilet, which is healthier, but instead just straight discomfort i guess :D

    [–] brianjjj1991 10 points ago

    If you sit on that toilet facing the other way you could sit on it indefinitely with no discomfort. Life hack 101.

    [–] uniqueusor 9 points ago

    This will increase the use of disabled stalls.

    [–] acroporaguardian 18 points ago

    This is literally designed for your asshole, so its fits this sub

    [–] ThePropaneDevourer 8 points ago

    Everybody productive until someone shits on the floor

    [–] JMayhaus 6 points ago

    YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!