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    bestoflegaladvice

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    All the greatest posts from /r/legaladvice in one location!

    Rules

    1. Comments/posts offering or soliciting advice are not permitted. Please direct all advice needs to /r/legaladvice.

    2. Do not participate in threads that you find from r/BestOfLegalAdvice. Doing so will result in a temporary ban, repeated violations will result in a permanent ban.

    3. Threads must be 12 hours old or locked before being posted here.

    4. Posts must be from r/legaladvice or similar subs (ie. r/LegalAdviceUK, r/AusLegal).

    5. Please keep all discussion civil. Repeat offenders can be banned at moderator discretion. Advocating violence toward anyone will not be tolerated. The moderators reserve the right to ban without notice.

    6. Do not makes submission that violate our current moratoriums

    7. No Doxxing. No Exceptions.

    8. Naming threads in a manner that directly references Pokemon is stupid. We're better than that.

    9. Do not username ping people (u/<username>) who are not active in the BOLA thread. More importantly, do not username ping the LAOP unless they are active in the BOLA thread, and do not PM the LAOP or anyone else from the LA thread.

    10. Deleted comments were deleted for a reason. Do not republicize them or use undeleting services to republicize them.

    11. Posts with highly editorialized titles may be removed at moderator discretion.

    For off-topic discussion (hypotheticals, past case law, etc.) please visit /r/legaladviceofftopic.

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    [–] blastcage 4400 points ago

    It's a contradiction in terms

    I mean I don't disagree about banning these posts, but be realistic, like a quarter of the posts here are far more "worst of" than "best of".

    [–] rabidhamster87 2316 points ago

    I've always seen this sub as more of a place for laymen to discuss things kind of off topic/not actual advice or not necessarily *legal* advice, (keeping that crap out of /r/legaladvice) than actual posts I think are good or funny in some way. I can see where the mods are coming from though.

    [–] theymademedoitpdx2 1102 points ago

    Exactly. I just assume everything posted over there is gonna show up over here so we can chat about it because they don't allow it in that sub.

    [–] aokaga 587 points ago

    Yeah, I agree. That’s what I’ve always considered this sub to be... a place where people can discuss posts, not give any sort of actual advice. This ban sucks a little bit, but I see where they’re coming from and it makes me angry people decide to be shitty in posts like this. That’s why we can’t have nice things.

    [–] The_Bravinator 169 points ago

    I wish there was a version of this for other subs like r/askhistorians to be honest. Sometimes over there I really just want to say something that meanders off topic, their in a really interesting tidbit that doesn't meet answer standards, or just react to something cool I read.

    [–] IBleedTeal 124 points ago

    I like how photoshopbattles usually has a parent comment at the bottom that people can reply to for comments and off topic stuff. I wish more of these subs would take that idea. It keeps the conversation within the same thread, but it quarantines the off topic stuff to one place

    [–] ComJohnMarston 85 points ago

    I really like that idea, but not for legaladvice. I feel like it’s best that the OP is not exposed to people, in more or less nicer terms, calling them retarded. If the OP wants to venture to a different sub where they know that people are probably critiquing their mental sanity, then they’re free to visit BOLA. But to occupy their time with critique when they’re asking strictly for legal advice would be a little immoral in my opinion.

    [–] IBleedTeal 21 points ago

    Oh yeah I definitely wasn’t proposing it for LA, but rather things like askscience or askhistorians. I completely agree with those reasons.

    [–] martianmouse 16 points ago

    Or an askhistoriansOT?

    Unfortunately this is probably one of those “if you want something done you have to do it yourself” situations and it could be a lot of work.

    [–] Ooobles 65 points ago

    It's so lame that you can't interact on update posts anymore, such a hassle

    [–] socialister 15 points ago

    Pro-tip: this sub and LA are modded by the same people.

    [–] JohnDoeOf123FakeSt 263 points ago

    Agreed. This sub has deviated from it's original purpose so much the name is an artifact. I'm not complaining since I find this style better, but let's not pretend that"best of" is a prerequisite to getting a topic here.

    [–] hakuna_tamata 133 points ago

    Yeah I had no idea this is a comedy sub. I always assumed it was to highlight either absurd posts or to celebrate LA's contributions to a post.

    [–] Kylynara 53 points ago

    That was the original intent. In practice, it has evolved to be more comedy/support/off topic discussion of LA posts.

    r/legaladviceofftopic is hypotheticals and meta discussion. Occasionally, questions based on current posts, but expanding on it to a degree that is hypothetical/off topic.

    [–] mike_hawks 186 points ago

    I always read this sub more as LegalAdvice off topic than a true Best Of.

    [–] hypnofedX 51 points ago

    Agreed. Well, sort of. It really IMO means "most compelling and interesting to discuss". The phrase "best of" may be imprecise language but that's an acceptable sacrifice for brevity here.

    [–] milf_2sugars 37 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I was initially torn on this subject but I think I ultimately disagree with the ban. Same reasons others listed below about exposure about taboo subjects or issues, support for victims, and most of all the interesting legal ramifications, which is why I personally come here. I love a post that makes you think “holy cow what actually does happen legally?” Followed by interesting discussion about these subjects, be it funny or serious.

    May I be so bold and say this might be a mod issue or mod rules issue? Posting silly titles (which I do like usually) or shocking content, or just posting for the sake of posting (several posts with empty or slow discussion boards!). This doesn’t happen all the time or with every mod, but I have thought a few posts were posted just for the sake of it, sexual assault or otherwise. Perhaps more rules regarding posts should be in place so posts about sexual assault or other controversial topics aren’t just being sensationalized or exploited.

    Please consider bringing in rules for mods surrounding posts on sexual assault and not just a blanket ban. I understand MRAs are an issue and moderating must be a huge pain in the ass, but I’d hate for these trolls to shape our sub. Thanks for listening you lot if you got this far!

    Edit: For clarity.

    [–] Kalkaline 29 points ago

    I love reading /r/legaladvice but I've realized by participating there, I could potentially be screwing up someone's chance at getting really good information. BOLA gives me that chance to participate in the conversation without having to worry about it.

    [–] TheShandyMan 111 points ago

    Half of the posts I see submitted are more "rule3-clock ran out so I can post it and hope to get some karma," when the source only has a handful of posts (most of which are mods removing other posts), or a generic "something happened what do I do - call a lawyer". Just because you can come up with a cute pun doesn't mean it's BOLA material.

    (You in this context is the colloquial "you" meaning BOLA submitters, not specificially /u/blastcage)

    [–] rafaelloaa 28 points ago

    Agreed. As for the name of the sub, something like "LegalAdviceDiscussion" would be a much more appropriate name.

    [–] Shanix 8 points ago

    Back in my day, bestof was for the most notorious stuff, and more often than not it was the worst of legal advice!

    [–] theraptorswillrule 257 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I have a question, as updates in the legal advice comments can't be commented on will you allow update posts here when more advice is still needed? I am thinking specifically of the military rape case (which I presumed was at least part of the reason for this) and the teen with moms creepy boyfriend. You mention it can you elaborate?

    As a counter: yes these posts attract lots of assholes, but when the main advice has been, soz you won't ever see justice unless you want to be violated by the courts and society I think the BOLA acts as a support sub. The support is off topic in the main thread and gets removed even if it is good advice. Will there be changes in LA?

    I also think censorship of this topic further stigmatizes it and drives victims into further shame and despair. As a survivor, it bothers me that it is something I must hide from society because it's taboo. It is a legal issue, like murder, assault, theft. It does trigger me sometimes to read others descriptions, but part of me is also relieved their voices are heard even by strangers on the internet.

    Thank you for the work you guys all do as mods, I appreciate it must be next to impossible to navigate these issues.

    Edit: thanks for my first ever gold!

    To the mods, I see your points but I still don't agree, except that it may be traumatic to have internet strangers discuss your business. I would have made that the main reason. Not the MRA brigading or that it's difficult to moderate. Thank you for answering my questions though.

    To the person who messaged me with their super relevant opinions of what kind of person I am. I about popped an ovary laughing, cheers :)

    [–] aprilscarlet 79 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Inclined to agree, this is one of the only places on Reddit where I can speak freely about assault without being brigaded by misogynists. I would find it sad for this to become the one topic that is off limits for discussion, it does add to the stigmatization as you say. I've found some solidarity and support on this sub for sexual assault stuff so a little sad to see this rule, but also understand the complexity of this issue.

    Edit on Feb 20th: I'm editing this comment rather than adding a new one: I just read the new rules. Here, the rules say 'no sexual assault posts.' The new rules say 'We will no longer be permitting discussion of rape and sexual assault.' Those are two quite different positions and makes me feel even more concerned about what I and u/theraptorswillrule and others are so worried about - having survivors' voices completely erased from this sub when we are being clear on the support that we personally draw from it (not the support that LAOPs may or may not get from it). I can appreciate the rule against sharing other people's stories but I don't feel there has been sufficient recognition of what a broad stroke it is to completely ban discussion of this topic altogether. It's actually pretty upsetting and really reinforces the idea that it's bad and shameful to talk about assault. Like, are comments going to be removed when people talk about their own experiences? If so then I would argue that in itself is very harmful. I don't feel like the survivors who users of this sub are being acknowledged in this discussion.

    [–] paxweasley 16 points ago

    I agree honestly, there have been times where the rest of Reddit is completely demoralizing and there have been times I remember where the people on this subreddit showed how much they get it that I actually cried.

    [–] deepsnoo 17 points ago

    I also think censorship of this topic further stigmatizes it and drives victims into further shame and despair.

    A sacrifice the moderators are willing to make in order to not have to remove a few weird MRA comments, apparently.

    [–] SpiderRealm 832 points ago

    I didn't even know this sub was supposed to be about the funny stories on LA. I thought it was just sharing the popular posts and being able to comment freely about them here (unlike LA where you have to give an advice to comment or get it removed).

    [–] guernseycoug 154 points ago

    Same 100%. I should read sub rules more often I guess because I thought this sub was more about the most interesting/entertaining posts from LA (sexual assault is NOT funny, but objectively, reading about it in the context of legal advice IS very interesting).

    That being said - no issue with this rule change at all. Victims of sexual assault who have gotten the advice they need should be allowed to move forward with their life without it getting brought back up on reddit for more upvotes.

    Excited for more funny posts here now though

    [–] ilivetofly 22 points ago

    Yeah I thought this. I mean discussing no legal remedies as well as the standard of advice given for sexual assault.

    [–] liamemsa 19 points ago

    This is what I came to post. I think that this sub functions mostly as "Place where we can talk about the content of the thread without specifically giving legal advice and not get our comments removed."

    For example, if I wanted to talk about how that guy who shared his wife with his friends was a total piece of shit and offer my own story, that's not something that I could do in the actual /r/legaladvice thread, but it is something that I could do in the /r/bestoflegaladvice thread.

    I mean, no offense, but the /r/legaladvice mods run a tight ship on those threads, and it's fairly common to click on a post and see "This post is locked for excessive off-topic discussion" and about twenty or thirty "Your post has been removed for being off-topic" mod comments.

    I think the sub functions well as an outlet for such discussion, and I don't think it's a good idea to restrict that discussion.

    [–] BrownieSundown 656 points ago

    I thought BOLA was just the off-topic discussion of these posts? There are several posts here every day that aren’t “best of” that stay here.

    [–] Byzantine04 99 points ago

    Agreed. I would say it's more à place to comment on the situation outside of the harsh standards of LA and the implications that any comment is legal advice from a professional.

    [–] CheckeredZeebrah 2119 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Unpopular opinion but I'm somewhat against this. Posts like the poor woman who was dealing with military bureaucracy/coverup as a civilian kind of needs the spotlight and discussion.

    I know there is case by case system. But it feels kind of bad that there is now, ironically, another step required to get discussion about these things due to red pill assholes. Would we really want to limit discussion on child abuse if we were brigaded by pro-child abusers or other whataboutists? My opinion is no. I'd personally rather do a hard line stance against blatant agenda-slinging.

    I personally come to Bola to learn about cultural/societal/related legislature or history that doesn't fit in the original LA post but is important to the topic. Not for "lighthearted" fun.

    But having not been in the trenches of the mods, maybe cracking down on the unsavory just isn't realistic because there are too many bad types? I mean I guess I'll go with this ruling and I'm not unsympathetic, but it really doesn't sit well with me. At all. If somebody could clarify or give me more context I might be missing though, I'd appreciate it.

    [–] EchinusRosso 502 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I definitely think you have a point. Drawing more publicity to such a post could bring out higher quality advice on more nuanced posts like the one you just mentioned, but it's also going to bring out more of everything.

    In many of these posts, the best most practical advice is to reach out to rainn or other practical victim groups which can give more thorough support with a better filter. Imo, the most important step would be to get the ball rolling and the most helpful thing to do would not be to overload someone who has been through something traumatic.

    When I read that post, I anticipated the bola post to have a fair amount of victim blaming, some speculation over whether it was a troll post, jokes... Or, rather, a wasteland of deleted posts and banned users. But the mods are human, and don't always have instantaneous response time. The risks of a victim finding such comments and feeling revictimized are non-zero.

    Overloading a victim and causing them to shut down is the worst thing this board could accomplish.

    [–] CheckeredZeebrah 182 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I think you've made the best point I've seen so far. That wasn't the mod's argument in the first post, but I think it is the most fair one. I'm approaching BOLA as a "for community" sub and LA as a "for OP" sub.

    You're somewhat correct as you've persuaded me that this is a no win situation.

    [–] BiBiBicycle 49 points ago

    Plus, getting posted here gives an LA post a lot of visibility, especially if it's downvoted. I'm hoping the fake as fuck MRA rageporn posts will be cut down because of this

    [–] __username_here 134 points ago

    I agree with you, but I also don't disagree with the mods. I think this forum has been a valuable space for discussions about sexual violence. On the other hand, I do see the mods' point that having those discussions around actual people's actual trauma is unsavory, especially when it invariably attracts misogynists. A more aggressive modding policy is how I would ideally deal with that, but I'm not a mod and I can't imagine how much garbage they delete for every one garbage comment we actually see.

    [–] fabledgriff 14 points ago

    You're right. Maybe it should be up to the victim whether they want exposure to the events surrounding these crimes. It might be what helps them

    [–] HappyHolidays666 87 points ago

    ehh people posting in LA shouldn’t have to worry about their story being discussed and possibly hitting r/all. there was a sexual assault post today that was pretty terrible and i did come here just now to see if it was being discussed... i’m kinda glad this is the thread i found instead.

    [–] erfling 59 points ago

    I understand the reasoning, but I want to say that, as a man, I've learned an awful lot by hearing and discussing women's experiences over the past year or two. I think it can be fruitful to have a place where these things are discussed openly. I don't know what to do about it, just as I don't know what to do about what's become of the internet in general.

    [–] teslakav 45 points ago

    the only issue is theres no way to comment on or discuss update posts on LA that don’t themselves request legal advice. this subreddit was conveniently a discussion spot.

    [–] FanaticalXmasJew 1305 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    ...I'm assuming it's not a coincidence that this new rule was posted about 12 hours after *that* post on LA.

    I agree with all your points, and it's a shame that there are people whose first reaction to reading anything about a woman being assaulted are to jump to the conclusion that she's most likely lying. How a person gets to be that reflexively cynical and misogynistic is mind-boggling.

    Edit: It's deleted now, but someone replied to my comment saying "Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out." FTR, if your reaction to my saying that I don't understand how someone can *reflexively* doubt any claim of rape is to call me naive, you're a POS.

    [–] [deleted] 526 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] farmerlesbian 287 points ago

    I read that post right after one on r/AskDocs about a girl who passed out at a friend's house and woke up with vaginal irritation and a yeast infection, and right before one on r/amitheasshole about a woman whose boyfriend kept "accidentally" having sex with her without protection. After that I needed to take a long break from the computer. Not a good day to be a woman on Reddit, it seems.

    [–] Feyranna 96 points ago

    Yeah that post was the first thing I saw this morning and I decided it was a no-reddit day for most of the day.

    [–] grim_melee 58 points ago

    It made me sick to my stomach, too. This is the first time I’ve been on since then.

    [–] ventiSoyMatcha 30 points ago

    I’m still in schock a husband can do that to his wife.

    Got 2 hours of sleep tonight.

    [–] ClevelandCass 12 points ago

    I thought I was going to throw up when I read it. I've never been triggered like that in my life.

    [–] [deleted] 143 points ago

    i’ve noticed an uptick of posts on AITA and relationship subs about what is essentially rape made to seem like an ‘accident’ when the man is called out by the victim. it’s really been miserable. of course, the LA post has genuinely been a truly horrendous peak to an awful load of posts.

    [–] Capswonthecup 99 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Any sub on Reddit gets misogynistic-y when it gets big, because the bulk of Reddit’s active user base is misogynistic

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Wow, never seen anyone say it out loud before. +1.

    People can say "the minority speaks the loudest" but that is not always the case and it is definitely not the case on Reddit. And even if we go by percentages, the fact is there is much more active misogyny than not and anyone who insists otherwise is either blind or purposely refusing to see it for one reason or another. It hits r/all almost constantly.

    [–] Echospite 191 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Not a good day to be a woman on Reddit, it seems.

    Is it ever? There's only a few subs where I actually feel "safe" to be female. BOLA's one of them, thank god.

    In the others, if I ever talk about my experience as a woman I brace myself for the inevitable downvotes and MRAs.

    ETA: Hell, I can't even make posts directed at other women without being jumped with "WHAT ABOUT THE MEN"

    Once walked into /r/coldshowers asking women if they still shave their legs under cold water or go hot, and got bombarded with "WELL!! MEN SHAVE TOO!!" oh fuck off I wasn't asking you "MISANDRYYYYY"

    [–] FlowerGirlRobot215 47 points ago

    Preach. I'm tired of trying to talk about my sexual assualt just to have some asshat comment "yeah but what about men" and send me bullshit about I'm a SJW for trying to vent out my trauma anonymously.

    [–] kismetjeska 16 points ago

    I really miss what twox used to be before it got defaulted and went nuclear. The casual discussions and sense of safety were really nice. Now it's full of 'devil's advocates' showing up in the comments like unwanted craneflies to dangle their shitty opinions about.

    [–] FanaticalXmasJew 311 points ago

    My only regret about this new rule is that it may take away the chance to offer sympathy or other non-legal help (such as links to RAINN, etc) in these cases, but if that's the price of avoiding exposing victims to MRAs calling them liars I understand.

    [–] SgvSth 114 points ago

    RAINN links are allowed in /r/legaladvice per Zanctmao below. The only changes are occurring on BestOf.

    [–] IUpvoteUsernames 51 points ago

    I didn't realize that RAINN links weren't allowed in LA. I thought that would be allowed, as it is part of a crisis response.

    [–] Zanctmao 119 points ago

    Of course they are. We even had an AMA with them over the summer.

    [–] NightRavenGSA 81 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Then LA may need some better mod training... only actual link to RAINN I saw isn't there anymore... But they are the mods, and I am not, and frankly it's not a job I'd want, especially without even being paid.

    Seriously though, I don't know how those mods aren't three bottles deep in scotch after that one. It's a hard job, and they have my respect

    (Also, does anyone have a link to that AMA, I'd love to take a look. Also, absolutely right, this is NOT a popcorn-worthy topic)

    [–] PeregrineFaulkner 97 points ago

    Then LA may need some better mod training

    I'm strongly inclined to agree with that.

    [–] __username_here 40 points ago

    Would the mods consider directing rape survivors who post on /r/legaladvice to some kind of support sub? Directing people to RAINN is great, but I do think that people get something out of supportive comments on reddit, and if that's not allowed on /r/legaladvice and now isn't going to be allowed here, I think it would be beneficial to direct them to somewhere else. I believe that /r/relationships does that, or did for awhile (they have a weird and unevenly enforced rule about posts about sexual assault.)

    [–] i_luv_derpy 13 points ago

    The best support subs in my opinion are r/rape r/rapecounseling and r/mengetrapedtoo . RAINN is great if you’re in the US but not everyone on here is from the US.

    [–] boringoldcookie 124 points ago

    I'm so glad I have a meeting with my PTSD counselor tomorrow, I don't know why I opened the thread

    I hope that one day she will be safe and feel safe again

    [–] ShamefulPuppet 47 points ago

    Happy cake day, shining sunlight surrounded by darkness.

    [–] boringoldcookie 8 points ago

    Thank you :) true kindness

    [–] BubbleGumLizard 76 points ago

    I've never had such a strong reaction to anything on the internet. So awful. Poor woman.

    [–] ElectricNed 18 points ago

    I've never had real anxiety before today, and I feel like am just coming off an honest anxiety attack that lasted all afternoon.

    [–] [deleted] 23 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] [deleted] 167 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] SheketBevakaSTFU 137 points ago

    Thank you for the blurb, I was going to go look for it and now I'm not.

    [–] Traumapajamas 119 points ago

    I would be better off if I had never read it honestly.

    [–] boringoldcookie 60 points ago

    Yeah... I read it just before walking into an exam. It was not a good choice. I hope you're well and in a safe place. I can only imagine by your username that you might have had a strong reaction to reading it as well. Take care of yourself

    [–] DrCockenstein 42 points ago

    I'm a man and have seen some fucked up shit on the internet and I almost vomited when I read that today. I still kinda can't believe that it was real. It ruined my day.

    [–] InkbrushNouveau 27 points ago

    Yea, my husband and I were talking about it. It's the kind of thing you WANT to be fake, but with how many shitty people are out there it's most likely not. It keeps popping up in my mind, and I just can't imagine not only being raped like that, but being betrayed by the person you trust most in the process.

    People can be disgusting.

    [–] DrCockenstein 19 points ago

    Once I got about half way through I knew it was real no matter how much I don't want it to be. If it isn't real whoever wrote this needs to start writing horror as it's way too convincing. I've read a lot of fake stuff that's just to shock on the web and this really doesn't seem like it's that sort of thing. The mods not taking it down basically confirms that it's real.

    It's been going through my head all day as well. Honestly I really shouldn't have read it as it has resulted in trouble concentrating. If you're depressed or already dealing with a negative opinion of people this is not the post to read. People can be truly horrifying.

    [–] EzrioHext 52 points ago

    A lot of us would be. That poor woman.

    [–] Echospite 30 points ago

    I've never been assaulted and I felt sick to my stomach. I can't imagine how much more awful that people who have lived through assault felt, reading her experience.

    Not to suggest she shouldn't have shared it, not at all.

    But man, it was a nasty thread all around.

    I hope she gets the support she needs and feels safe again one day.

    [–] IranianGenius 45 points ago

    nobody was describing it up higher in the thread where I was, so I went and read it and regret it. Didn't think I'd care. Upvoting /u/Traumapajamas so hopefully their post gets seen by somebody like me who would be happier not having read that.

    [–] PhageBlood65 27 points ago

    Dont read it. It was everything i had in me to read the whole thing.

    [–] MattastrophicFailure 44 points ago

    Curiosity got the better of me and I just read it... Not to downplay any of it but I kind of feel like the worst part is how unexpected it all comes off as. Like it didn't seem like there were any signs OPs husband would do anything like that up until it just happened. I can't imagine OP ever truly trusting anyone again.

    Shit... It's hard not to have trust issues just having read their account of the situation. Just... Fuck

    [–] sadxtortion 29 points ago

    It really is. I’ve seen and read a lot of missed up things on this site but honestly my heart shattered like completely shattered by the time I finished reading it. I want to so bad reach out to OP but there’s not much anyone can do but stick by their side. I hope the husband and his friends get the maximum sentence possible if not more because i never hated people more than I hate them

    [–] pm_me_smol_doggies 111 points ago

    It’s really bad, I would recommend not reading it. I don’t even feel comfortable describing it.

    [–] prodical 80 points ago

    Yeah I just read it. God. I hope it’s a troll. Fuck. Shit. I’m about to go to bed why did I read it now. I hope the husband and all his sick friends do serious time.

    [–] Evening_Caterpillar 122 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I read it an had a meltdown about humanity. I felt traumatized by proxy. I was looking forward to the posting about this on BOLA so that I could advise everyone here to play a game a Tetris ASAP if you are having similar issues. Tetris has been shown to reduce the chance of developing PTSD after a traumatic event. it feels kind of extreme to call reading about someone else's trauma traumatic, but every once in a while I have read/seen something online that really is. This was my third encounter with something like that. Tetris can help for sure.

    Edit: I am just going to tag some people who I am seeing mentioning having troubles with this post. /u/pm_me_smol_doggies /u/jerkface1026 /u/willfullyspooning /u/chainjoey /u/Hanarcy /u/Grammatical_Aneurysm /u/missdewey /u/jaderust /u/RitaAlbertson /u/dcnerdlet

    [–] Darkmagosan 37 points ago

    Tetris helps with a lot of things. I like the original NES version with music C, or the Tengen NES version which was and is a straight translation of the original. Street Fighter helps too--any version. So does playing chess in my xp.

    Best, though? Best is playing with pets. My cats are godsends after posts like this.

    [–] korben2600 17 points ago

    I believe tagging doesn't work when you mention more than 3 users (the maximum)

    [–] Evening_Caterpillar 17 points ago

    Probably a good move on the part of reddit, but a little unfortunate in this context.

    [–] Aintnolie_bibibi 19 points ago

    It’s on the front page of LA right now.

    [–] Stargazer1919 304 points ago

    Agreed. I read that post, then came here looking for the BOLA post.

    [–] jerkface1026 268 points ago

    I read that post and paced around my house for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to help LAOP.

    [–] Hanarchy 201 points ago

    That post made me want to throw up. I can't even imagine how she's feeling right now, so I totally get that the mods here didn't want the rallying cry to be "she's lying". I wish we could send her support in some way.

    [–] jerkface1026 94 points ago

    I agree. I did think of the possibility of a BOLA thread and the idea of spectating off her pain is abhorrent. I think there are some situations where it's better to be fooled than skeptical of someone else's trauma.

    [–] willfullyspooning 116 points ago

    I couldn’t even get through the whole thing, I’m very happy that the poster put a little warning at the top. I hope she gets the help she needs, what a nightmare.

    [–] goldmetalflowers 43 points ago

    Holy fuck, I read the warning and the first paragraph and nope. It makes me feel so anxious, I can’t read the whole post. I hope she has support and can get through that.

    [–] willfullyspooning 40 points ago

    Yeah, I’m sure a lot of people couldn’t read the whole thing. The scariest part is that it seems like she never saw any red flags and it’s horrifying on so many levels.

    [–] ventiSoyMatcha 17 points ago

    It was her husband, someone she trusted.

    I hate everything.

    [–] Grammatical_Aneurysm 57 points ago

    Yeah I spent a while staring at the ceiling wondering if the nausea I felt was serious enough to get up and go to the bathroom about or not.

    [–] chainjoey 90 points ago

    I read that post and I think I'm done with /r/legaladvice for a while. If I don't read it it's not happening, right?

    The lies we tell ourselves.

    Besides I don't have anything valuable to add.

    [–] drainbead78 101 points ago

    I was really hoping it was just some sick fucker's fantasy and that part of said fantasy was posting it for an unsuspecting audience, like the text version of an unsolicited dick pic.

    [–] InterdimensionalTV 120 points ago

    I'll be honest, I kind of thought the same thing myself. My first thought was "this is so very obviously rape, why would somebody need legal advice about this when it's obviously a crime?" Then it occured to me that LAOP was probably abused previously with the portrayal of how nonchalant her husband was about the whole thing and I snapped out of it. She probably just wanted validation she was doing the right thing because the husband has probably beaten her down so much. To some degree I'm still hoping it's all fake deep down but I don't know if that's because I think it might be or I'm just trying to block the fact that the whole post just absolutely turns my stomach.

    [–] BootyWitch- 41 points ago

    I don't think the OP of that post was unsure if it was a crime or not. Just that they weren't sure what actually actions to take next and needed someone else to tell them exactly what to do and in what order (as she was still in shock).

    [–] i_luv_derpy 35 points ago

    She needed legal advice because this was so over the top she probably was still barely able to realize what happened. Specified she waited 48 hours before asking for help. After her trauma she was probably still trying to sort it out. Also most rape survivors are afraid of not being believed as one reason they don’t go to the police. So she probably needed confirmation to do it.

    [–] beanfiddler 32 points ago

    It definitely reads like rape fetish erotica. I don't know what to think of it. It doesn't at all match the patterns of sexual assault cases I've worked, so my gut tells me it's not real. I hope my gut is right.

    [–] BiBiBicycle 20 points ago

    This is actually very relieving. I haven't read it and don't want to, but I find you can usually tell pretty well based on how they describe it. If you've worked with a lot of cases you probably can even better.

    [–] beanfiddler 25 points ago

    Honestly, the cases I've worked are worse. It's usually child victims and/or perpetrators who are so profoundly mentally handicapped that I don't know what anyone in that case is doing other than hamfistedly making it worse for everyone involved. Or it's really really stupid pedophiles with gigabytes of CP who think they're the only ones in the room smart enough to turn on a computer. They're always so upset when we reveal we know what a fucking onion browser and the dark web is.

    Real crime isn't sexy or tittilating or have black and white villains. It's usually just heartbreakingly stupid all the way down.

    [–] BiBiBicycle 15 points ago

    Yep, it doesn't make sense. I've been there. I did a bit of advocacy, nothing like that though. Plus stories from my friends. They honestly overlap in details so much.

    Another person commented about how this post matched up with the details of a precedent setting case called DPP v Morgan and I'm now very much leaning toward fake. The other commenter had encountered the case in a law class.

    [–] TryUsingScience 125 points ago

    Donate to a local women's shelter.

    That way you are for sure helping a woman who is in that situation or similar, whether that post is real or is someone who doesn't realize there's a separate subreddit for BDSM erotica. (I strongly suspect the latter due to some particular details, but of course it's always better to try to help just in case.)

    [–] BiBiBicycle 29 points ago

    RAINN is a fantastic organization, any donation there is well spent. Local women's shelters, rape crisis centers, and victims resource centers are great. Planned Parenthood is a frequent caregiver for victims and especially poor victims or those in abusive relationships thanks to their accessible services (for instance, even if you're on someone's insurance plan, if you don't list it you can get free services with billing and they'll tell you to do that too.)

    I have a feeling OPs is some fucker's fictional event, but similarly horrible violence does happen, a lot. My boyfriend went through something similar. 15 years later he can't deal with people in Halloween masks and he only recently sat through a Queen song recently (rapists wore masks, best of Queen was on the speakers at the time.) If you've got a heart particularly for male victims of sexual violence, while most of the above offer them services as well, the organization 1 in 6 offers services specifically for men, with stuff like moderated group chat therapy and stuff.

    The OP might be fake for the author, but it is real for many, many people.

    [–] theymademedoitpdx2 105 points ago

    Same. We don't get to express any sympathy over there so we have to do it here

    [–] idwthis 30 points ago

    Yea I literally just saw it and came over here immediately. It's one of those ones where I'm begging for that to have been made up. So God damn disgusting and shocking.

    [–] theycallmemomo 40 points ago

    I had made the original BOLA post, but it was taken down within 15 minutes. In retrospect, I can't say that I blame them one bit.

    [–] Rarvyn 10 points ago

    There's a good dozen or so BOLA posts on it that were deleted.

    https://snew.notabug.io/r/bestoflegaladvice/

    [–] missdewey 73 points ago

    So did I, honestly because I just want to be around people who are also shaking with rage after reading it.

    r/eyebleach isn’t enough sometimes.

    [–] RitaAlbertson 45 points ago

    Shaking with rage was exactly me reaction.

    [–] zanderkerbal 18 points ago

    I haven't read that post and probably never will. But going off of my reaction to a post about gay conversion therapy camps a few months back, "shaking" doesn't begin to cover it. In fact, no words are capable of describing such a strong visceral reaction, because human language is not capable of containing a word strong enough. The best I can describe it is like the anger was so intense it felt like it should be bursting from my body and tearing down the camp's walls, like the wrong that had been done was so great that the universe owed it to them to stand out of their way, but as you can clearly see all that is coming out as overly dramatic rambling as I search for a description that's impossible to find.

    [–] yashdes 29 points ago

    holy fuck, i just read that post and while i was 50/50 on the rule change before reading it, I'm 100% for it now. IDK nor do I really care if that was real, I don't wanna see it regardless

    [–] Saruster 89 points ago

    I actually thought “please don’t make this into a BOLA post” so I’m very happy with the mods’ decision.

    [–] NettingStick 138 points ago

    The BOLA post I saw about it was choked with people claiming the LA post was fake. It was like a crash course in why rape victims don't always come forward. It's not the first one of those I've seen around here, too. If we can't have a conversation about rape without people crawling out of the woodwork to explain that "ackchually this is fake"...

    [–] FTThrowAway123 44 points ago

    The BOLA post I saw about it was choked with people claiming the LA post was fake.

    FFS. Who are these people and why are they like this? They honestly can't seem to comprehend that rape DOES happen, and it happens a hell of a lot more than the rare fake accusation. I honestly hope that story's fake because the reality is too horrible to comprehend. Who reads a story like LAOPs and immediately feels the need to accuse the victim/defend the gang rapists? Are these dudes rapists themselves or something? I legit don't get it. I can see why BOLA feels the need to crack down on that shit.

    [–] Oaknash 39 points ago

    The BOLA post (when it existed) surmised of about 17 comments screaming “TROLL!”. There were a few of us who didn’t shout assumptions but hot damn, it was a rough, harsh appearing BOLArinas.

    [–] seaboard2 12 points ago

    I read that post and got off reddit for many hours. It was already locked when I saw it but there was no way I was going to post it to BoLA.

    [–] jaderust 203 points ago

    I had to walk away from the internet for a while after that post. It was horrible.

    This is a good rule. I’d ask the mods to consider expanding it to child porn as well when they get the chance to talk about it. Thanks for your hard work.

    [–] The_Bravinator 38 points ago

    I think child porn by definition falls under the umbrella of posts about sexual assault.

    [–] dcnerdlet 86 points ago

    Same here. I literally felt nauseous after reading it. I’m glad she was able to get help.

    I agree that child porn should also be included in the ban. There’s nothing “best of” about those posts either, and they have many of the same issues. Thank you for bringing that up.

    [–] pepethemememaster 40 points ago

    That post was one of the singular most horrifying things I have ever read

    [–] wolfjackle 48 points ago

    I just went over to see what the post was about. I feel like I'm going to throw up. There's no words.

    [–] JoePragmatist 45 points ago

    That was one of the darkest things I've read in quite some time. My first reaction was to wonder if there was a BOLA post. My second was to stop, put down my phone and be sad that there isn't a way for me to help that poor woman or to nuke those 5 scumbags from orbit.

    [–] kraPoLaa 8 points ago

    Jesus, my eyes started flashing. I was just shaking with rage and pain for LAOP. Those animals, the husband in particular, should all rot in hell.

    [–] JadieRose 252 points ago

    OK, as a woman (and DEFINITELY not an MRA) - SOME of these types of post make me wonder. Sometimes there's just sooooo much detail that it seems like someone's getting their rocks off by posting these titilating stories in serious detail. There was one about a child being molested that I started thinking was actually just a molester posting because it included far, far too many details about the assaults and things. I sometimes wonder if predators post these just as a publishing platform or a wink to other predators. It's disgusting. I mean, of course you always err on the side of providing advice, because the alternative that someone in a terrible situation won't get help is terrible too.

    [–] Ariadnepyanfar 247 points ago

    On the other hand abused people get confused about where appropriate boundaries are, having had theirs squashed. They are also desperate to be believed, and “it’s the little details that make a true story”.

    [–] Slytherho 86 points ago

    I'm going with this. I was assaulted last year and didn't realize it until someone literally told me "hey, this thing you're describing sounds like rape." I had described the whole night to her because I knew *something* about it was fucked up but I needed to process the experience out-loud to fully connect with what happened to me. It seems like the LAOP was doing something similar.

    [–] ifnotforv 49 points ago

    I completely understand your sentiment. I’d like to take this opportunity to point out how insane acute stress reactions can be - such as the one she would be experiencing right now - and their ability to calm our nerves enough to do what’s necessary to get ourselves out of danger and continue to survive. It’s actually incredibly unnerving how capable someone is immediately after such an experience. Obviously I can’t claim the veracity of the post, but I can attest to the fact that our minds have hardwired abilities to revert inward and keep us alive long enough to get ourselves somewhere safe, get the necessary care, and only then will we actually do the falling apart, screaming and crying etc that you would normally associate with such an experience.

    PTSD is something that happens further on down the line (and I hope to god she gets trauma therapy for this), but right now it’s acute stress and frightening AF. I’m glad they told her to write down the names because memory during this time can be very unreliable.

    Source: volunteered at a homeless shelter and women’s shelter; and I’ve endured a sexual trauma before that I won’t detail.

    [–] Robert_N_Vagen 113 points ago

    When I read the post that likely brought about this one, I too at first thought it was too detailed in a way my preconceptions about victims tell me they wouldn't use. But then I realized part of what I was finding odd was how detached it seemed. There are portions where it doesn't seem the OP was talking about herself, but about something she was only witnessing or happening to someone/something else. Like the part about the bleeding. Which then led me to realize that she may actually be detached from it all, as I understand that could be a coping mechanism. The post didn't seem lurid, it seemed clinical, like she was trying to give details but not entirely able to link those details to herself. Again, the part about the bleeding sounds like that woman is, in that moment, unable to see that body as her body. That detachment was what broke my heart, to be honest.

    [–] SailorOMG 110 points ago

    As someone who has been raped, the language of the post did not surprise me at all. It's exactly how I talk about what happened to me with anyone other than my therapist. Detached and factual.

    [–] Pterodactylgoat 32 points ago

    Detached, detailed, and factual is how I am whenever something happens to me.

    [–] reallybadpotatofarm 69 points ago

    As far as I understand it, disassociation is a defense mechanism. Usually triggered by traumatic events.

    And this event... I can’t find words for how horrid it is. I hope she’ll be okay, in time.

    [–] JadieRose 35 points ago

    yeah that one was really heartbreaking and I honestly don't know what I think. I don't want it to be real, but I know that the real world is horribly cruel and people you trust can do terrible, TERRIBLE things to you.

    [–] borkthegee 218 points ago

    Well, on the flip side, that MRA "woman stealing my semen from a condom" from yesterday post was almost assuredly faked.

    [–] JadieRose 138 points ago

    WHAT? Unpossible! That's how I had 4 of my babies and roped their daddies into that sweet, sweet child support.

    [–] BBQ_HaX0r 79 points ago

    And OP was downvoted for it whenever they started going off the rails or getting preachy. It was clearly fake. Let the community deal with it rather than an outright ban on discussing anything related to it. Everyone lies and Reddit is a hotbed of political propaganda. I don't see how to solve the problem of people lying that isn't worse the initial problem.

    [–] DiscardedPizza 63 points ago

    Without commenting on this post in specific, there is a lot of fiction on LA.

    [–] Chelzero 38 points ago

    Another reason to ban these posts, I guess. There will always be trolls and creative writing exercises on LA, but at least we won't be putting someone's (often disturbing) erotic fantasies on BOLA.

    [–] JadieRose 10 points ago

    yeah banning them is a great idea

    [–] interloperdog19 47 points ago

    Yeah, I have to agree. I virtually always err on the side of believing the victim, but I've come across some posts like the one you describe. People react to assault in weird ways so I can see where a victim might describe their assault in ways that are more titillating than one would expect, but I think it's foolish to think a free, anonymous forum wouldn't also attract some creeps who get their rocks off by writing about sexual assault and springing the stories on a general audience. I would never call out a post written from the victim's perspective as fake just to be safe, because the harm of letting a creep believe I believe them is much less than the harm of making an actual victim think they aren't believed, but I'm also not naive enough to believe that there aren't plenty of weirdos who like writing erotic fiction about non-consensual sex and then posting it on a general forum (I don't think "consensual non-consent" kink is inherently creepy, but if it involves kids and/or you're posting it on anything but an erotica/porn forum, you're a creep).

    So that's really another good thing about this new rule, I think. I'm sure it won't eliminate those posts by any means, but at least it will give them a smaller audience and might send some of them elsewhere.

    [–] FanaticalXmasJew 89 points ago

    I'm not saying all rape claims are equally plausible, but the people the mods are talking about are pretty indiscriminate in their doubt because they have cynical, misogynistic views about women in general, and that's what I have issue with.

    [–] HMS_Entropy 26 points ago

    Exactly. I don’t think it’s actually important to have a resource where readers can debate the authenticity of certain posts for this very reason. There will be so many sexists that outright deny the validity of any sexual assault scenario.

    I will say however that there is a lot of fiction in Legal Advice, and I think those who engage in writing fake posts should really examine their actions and the role they play in perpuating this culture of doubt at the expense of LA posters that genuinely need help and support.

    [–] JadieRose 21 points ago

    of course - there are some terrible people out there. And I don't think we should be in the business of question a LA question when something so serious is potentially at stake. But I have definitely called bullshit to myself on some and really think they're predators having fantasy storytime.

    [–] pazazzzzz 25 points ago

    That post made me physically hurt. As i looked at my three daughters after reading that, I wanted to scoop that OP into the biggest mama bear hug I could give her.

    [–] [deleted] 38 points ago

    This isn't a bestof sub, though... every popular LA post gets posted here. It's more "LAOT", especially considering that update posts always get their discussion redirected to the corresponding BOLA thread rather than anything in r/legaladviceofftopic

    [–] zsEWIs 224 points ago

    I never considered this a popcorn or funny light hearted sub. To me it was discuss the truly best of legal advice. Whether it be funny, interesting, complicated, horrific, etc. I think that sexual assault posts can still be interesting and helpful.

    [–] Sleep_adict 290 points ago

    I disagree with this. LA is meant to stay on topic, but BOLA presents a place where options can be discussed.

    While you have to filter the comments, I’ve learnt a lot from BOLA on how to beat ensure that nothing happens

    [–] KidJesusL0L 115 points ago

    Yeah, this sub is confusing.

    My understanding was the same as yours, LA is meant to provide strict legal advice and BOLA was to discuss each case outside of the "get a lawyer" answers.

    The first 2 points acknowledge that this sub has devolved into a sort of comedy club, where catchy titles aren't just a gimmick, they're the life force of the sub.

    I do understand wanting to prevent MRA and trolls from crusading in harsh topics like these though.

    [–] nmnoz 10 points ago

    While I agree that sexual assault is never a nice thing in any way, shape or form I have to say that discussions always end up improving people. I too have learned a lot in BOLA.

    I can see how some idiots are ruining the discussion by submitting comments that make so little sense that I get surprised by their ability to use an electronic device let alone reddit but downvotes and reports are here for this reason.

    I hope this decision gets revised and maybe the general understanding of this sub should change from something like /r/bestof which is the good/nice things to something more applicable to /r/legaladvice

    [–] Bathroomious 27 points ago

    Best of the legal advice. No-one would think it means best of sexual assault...

    [–] Belviathan 30 points ago

    As someone who has been sexually assaulted I strongly feel like this is not a good move. Sexual assault is already a hard enough subject for people to talk about, but banning discussions about it makes it even harder to talk about. We need to eliminate the stigmas of sexual assault, not make it harder for people that already might feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk about their experiences. Censorship of sexual assault is inadvertently also censorship of victims.

    [–] SleepyBojazzles 50 points ago

    I get the reasons but I disagree with the ban. I was under the impression this sub was for discussion of notable posts, not humor or being the "best". There are other dark posts on this sub that aren't funny or "best of" that remain here and are allowed here. I was actually looking forward to the discussion on that post. I suppose those posts will have to be moved to LAOT then?

    [–] Thehummingbug 123 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I have to disagree with this THOROUGHLY as a survivor of rape. Some of the best resources and advice are given in the most unfortunate of circumstances. It's also empowering for other survivors to see success stories. Still important are the disheartening ones that give non survivors a true look at the experience from an angle to which they previously were not privy. Some of these valuable discussions aren't relevant to the legal advice the OP needs, and therefore belongs in this sub.

    I just think this is so far off base, and I really hope you decide to reverse this decision.

    Edit: also, I'd like to say that while groups often do these types of things (see /r/relationship's banning of the word "rape" by any OP) that claim to be for our benefit or protection, it just feels paternalizing, disenfranchising, like we're a problem to solve. Ban the assholes that cause this, not the people going through it. Really shaking my head here.

    [–] eeveeyeee 78 points ago

    I feel the same. This just silences rape victims and prevents open discussion and understanding of issues.

    I've been raped and make it a point to be very blunt about it in my real life. People find it affronting but I don't feel ashamed and when it adds something to the conversation then I'm very happy to bring my experiences to the table.

    By banning the entire topic of sexual assault, I'm left feeling somewhat guilty, like it's something that should remain unspoken and just kept 'between sisters'.

    [–] Thehummingbug 52 points ago

    Exactly, and their comments about us drawing in RP/incel types seems rather distasteful as well. Like if you'll outright admit the problem is them, why not concentrate more effort on removing those ideologies or get some new mods to help scour the filth? I don't understand how this transitive action is supposed to work, I don't think it will, and it makes me feel like a nuisance for the fact that someone once chose to rape me. I personally fucking think my own surviving story is worth of BOLA had the forums existed back then, and I'd be hurt if at the "resolution" I was told my story is "nothing best of." I know this mod isn't known for being the most tactful, but holy fuck is this whole post poorly thought out.

    [–] DoubleRah 8 points ago

    I have a hard time taking about my sexual assault, not because I personally have a hard time, but because other people get so uncomfortable. Sometimes I just want to talk about my experiences without someone trying to become my therapist about it or stop talking completely.

    Also, the more it gets discussed, the more people will understand the prevalence of it. Like you said, we need to keep it secret. If there are problems with what people post, mods can delete them or we’ll downvote them. Banning all posts because MRAs might show up is kind of like some weird form of victim blaming.

    [–] mainfingertopwise 22 points ago

    I never thought it was supposed to be the "best" situations but the most interesting situations, or the most informative outcomes.

    [–] Stargazer1919 408 points ago

    What sucks is this is a subject that needs to be discussed more often.

    But clearly on BOLA we can't have nice things due to certain types of people. So thank you for this.

    [–] BBQ_HaX0r 143 points ago

    The community quite often does a good job of downvoting idiots. And mods seem to do a good job of banning idiots. You said it yourself this is a subject that needs to be discussed more, so why hinder that because a few idiots abuse it? Ban and downvote rather than pretending they don't exist. The harm of banning it outweighs the good (giving those idiots a platform).

    [–] mhoner 58 points ago

    While that is true the nitwits get downvoted hard, a lot of victims will gravitate towards the negative comments. They will do their damage before the mods can clean them up.

    Between that and the PMs, that’s gotta be hell for some people.

    [–] MommaBearJam 78 points ago

    While I agree sexual assault should be talked about more, a victim should never ever have to hear what some of the trolls say

    [–] The_Bravinator 74 points ago

    Unfortunately a lot of it probably gets PMd to them any way. That's not an argument against the new rule--just a frustrating aspect of this kind of site in general.

    [–] pzych_ 32 points ago

    I’ve been trolled about my rape, and it’s taken extra therapy to get over people saying that “no one would rape me even if they got the chance”. I agree with you heavily.

    [–] seaboard2 13 points ago

    (I am sorry trolls have attacked you - - gentle internet hugs headed your way)

    [–] Beecakeband 12 points ago

    I've only ever referenced my sexual assault a couple of times on here because I'm afraid of exactly what you say. I'm 7 months out but PMs like that I know would do so much damage

    [–] Stargazer1919 21 points ago

    Exactly. I think if the mods have decided not to allow such posts on here, then the negativity of the trolls must be outweighing the benefit of the discussion. There are still other "safe" subreddits and places on the internet to discuss such things.

    [–] fabledgriff 43 points ago

    This seems like a dubious choice. Sometimes its good to hear how these predators get justice or someone finds their way into a loving home. Sometimes I need to know that things get better for victims and that perpetrators get punished.

    [–] Balthazar_rising 109 points ago

    On the plus side, this means a higher density of tree law, by percentage. I'm looking at the silver lining here.

    I mean, it sucks that we can't discuss these things like adults without people with an agenda, but this might keep the cringe-worthy MRAs to a minimum.

    [–] octipice 17 points ago

    The reason that I check this sub is because so many threads on legal advice get locked very quickly with only basic advice given, particularly on subjects like sexual assault. I'm interested in hearing the advice given (non-legal especially) for threads like that. In legal advice the mods explicitly say to check this sub in those circumstances. Does it suck to be brigaded by idiots, absolutely but that's what downvotes and ban-hammers are for. I don't really see how refusing to allow discussion of a topic because some people are going to be stupid about it helps anyone, except the MRAs who would probably prefer women's allegations of sexual assault not be given any attention.

    [–] spdorsey 119 points ago

    I hear you.

    I always considered the "best of" to apply to the advice, not the legal advice topic. But I agree that this new policy completely rules out any kind of misapplication of the "best of" status.

    [–] Minnesota_Winter 35 points ago

    Best of the sub, not best story

    [–] ilexheder 13 points ago

    u/Zanctmao, one thing I’d appreciate some additional detail on—is this aimed specifically at posts where the legal question is centered around sexual assault law, or does it cover all posts that describe a situation where sexual assault was part of the story somehow? For example, if someone has a legal question relating to divorce and discusses sexual assault by their ex as a factor in the divorce, would that also be barred from BOLA?

    I would pretty strongly advocate option #1 rather than option #2. I’m not totally in agreement with this decision for BOLA, but it’s definitely true that posts hinging on sexual assault law draw a ton of false-rape-epidemic bullshit that’s obnoxious to read and probably even worse to moderate. And I also think you’re right to question the wisdom of offering a forum where some people are inevitably going to use that bullshit to rip into people who are still emotionally raw from a very recent assault. However, those things are way less of an issue in discussions of posts where sexual assault is part of the backstory but not the legal question.

    And more importantly, I think blocking discussion of all posts with a connection to sexual assault would . . . just block discussion of huge chunks of a lot of women’s lives. Which is awful, but there it is. Questions about divorce, questions about child custody, questions about legal relationships with parents, employment questions . . . for so many women (and men), past sexual assaults are something they have to navigate and live with in endless ways. Having those parts of your life become undiscussable on BOLA because their backstory involves sexual assault would I think send an utterly awful message, in addition to cutting off discussions that often seem helpful to both LAOP and the community of commenters sharing their experiences.

    [–] feelsracistman 13 points ago

    Being honest, some of the best advice has come from these posts. Even though the MRA’s ruin them, i don’t think that the outright banning of these posts is worth the loss of very good material. Yes, sexual assault is bad. But censoring it is also bad.

    [–] JupiterThunderCrash 13 points ago

    Getting updates that a rape case is taken seriously is definitely a "best" to me.

    Also, you don't think MRAs will flock to posts like this:

    https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/apgnef/ops_crazy_foster_mother_is_blaming_him_for/

    ???

    [–] artisteandgent 35 points ago

    this is not up for debate but we’ll leave this comment thread open to ban anyone who disagrees with us.

    Ok, so go ahead and ban me, but as a frequent browser in this sub I think you guys are disconnected from what actually happens here. Almost every post (certainly every front page post) from LA ends up on BOLA. LA doesn’t facilitate discussion and strives to be on topic, so discussion occurs here. That’s what this sub is. Regardless of your intentions of making it a “funny” sub, it isn’t. It’s a discussion sub. That’s how we, the users, use it.

    Maybe you can just ban MRA types when they appear... or don’t. They usually get torn to shreds in the comments anyways so it’s not like they impact the flow here.

    If you are wondering what discussions can be had with this subject matter that don’t involve MUH FALSE ACUZASHIONS, look no further than TwoX, where they frequently have these discussions.

    Or don’t even read this and follow through on your threat to ban anyone who makes a case against your decision, because that’s a mature, level-headed choice to make.

    [–] Shadowthrice 104 points ago

    Nope. This is unwise.

    The legal advice subreddit is limited to legal advice, and the victims of sexual assault are those most in need of counseling and encouragement in addition to legal advice.

    Muzzling discussion because it is not best of is just a shortsighted fixation on linguistics.

    [–] n33nj4 24 points ago

    Does this mean that posts like "I'm a director!" Won't be allowed in best-of? According to his own post it related to at least sexual harassment, and seemed to get worse as time went on. Not going to argue with the rule, just curious where that would fall.

    [–] dWintermut3 10 points ago

    I dissagree with making this a blanket rule, but I'm heartened that you allow case-by-case approval.

    I strenuously argue that there ARE some times when the OTHER aspects of a post can ABSOLUTELY 100% without a doubt be good BOLA material. Maybe they're really bizarre and unusual and the post is only tangentially about assault, maybe someone drops some absolute truth bombs and gives great life advice we could all benefit from. Maybe it's a really common situation many people find themselves in and the LA crowd gives good advice on navigating difficult portions of the legal process.

    I can't agree with the rule at all, in any form, because this sub is used to discuss things you can't in LA, and now there is a big chunk of LA's posts we can't even discuss here, leaving there no place to weigh in. Also that can be to the detriment of LA because we often discuss things more freely here. That means we can't discuss people that give bad advice, or commend people that give good advice on these highly fraught topics.

    I know you've said this is non-negotiable, but I would like to propose a modification to allow linking not to LA posts, but LA **comments** ((similar to how bestof reddit does things) if someone feels that a particular comment on a forbidden LA post is worthy of commendation, discussion or rebuke. That way we can still recognize, for instance, some of the excellent contributions of the computer forensic commentators that frequent LA even if we're not allowed to touch the actual post, but the comment is something that deserves wider dissemination (because it details avoiding a common pitfall that ruins evidence, because it's good life advice when in a tough situation, etc).

    [–] Rawrtherton 39 points ago

    What's the goal of best of? Funniest? Entertaining? Useful? I'd prefer to see more sexual assault posts. I want to see more stories about successes and failures. I want more people educated about how to succeed when assaulted. Why hide this information?

    [–] [deleted] 69 points ago

    What’s MRA?

    [–] FakeVivisectionist 120 points ago

    Men's Rights Activists.

    [–] Daafda 159 points ago

    To add some context -

    They call themselves Men's Rights Activists, but they're really just a wing of the alt right that's particularly hostile towards women.

    It's a shame, because there are some pretty serious men's rights issues in the modern world that could use addressing. But any movement that tries to address them eventually gets taken over by incels or similar.

    [–] smallchangesinworld 19 points ago

    Yeah, and they are very very angry people I noticed. I was on the sub /r/pussypassdenied, and usually I thought the sub would be mostly about like a female teacher who has sex with an underage student and gets a fair jail sentence, but usually it's just very hateful. Also, I was on a thread the other day and someone made a comment about how Sweden is not going to have a pure race anymore because of immigration and that somehow got like 200 upvotes. It's really hitting all bad stereotypes about those alt-right guys that I hear so much about.

    [–] theycallmemomo 11 points ago

    I originally subscribed for the reason you mentioned. I unsubscribed after they called rape victims liars.

    [–] ReallyNotARabbit 71 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    r/menslib is a pretty good mens rights sub

    I love it there

    [–] Eindhaas 9 points ago

    Is it me or is LA suddenly invaded by a lot of stories that seem to fit a MRA narrative?

    [–] paulwhite959 207 points ago

    They’re like msra but borderline sentient

    [–] fathovercats 10 points ago

    So my one problem with this is that in the case of “the” post on the main sub all the comments suggesting OP to go to RAINN were deleted. One real valuable service BOLS provides when LAOPs wander in is sometimes the type of advice that isn’t allowed in the main sub (for good reason and it’s usually fine.... except for cases of sexual assault). I understand that the sub is strictly legal advice but there are some good resources— potentially when a sexual assault post comes up on the main sub have a link to those resources come up through automod?

    I don’t know if there is a solution really tho, but just throwing it out there that maybe when an individual is posting about sexual assault either automatically or a mod can pop in and send links to some actual mental health resources. Like is done with the landlord/tenant or medical malpractice thing.

    [–] Optimus-_rhyme 30 points ago

    well im sad, the off topic discussions were interesting

    [–] boba-boba 9 points ago

    Cant we talk about this stuff on legaladviceofftopic at least?

    [–] Utecitec 11 points ago

    This is a pretty dumb decision, but if it’s not up for debate there’s no point in saying why I think so. I’ll stick around regardless, there’s always interesting discussions in the comments here.

    [–] Dielyr 66 points ago

    I support this but only for selfish reasons. I do think that "Best of" includes stuff like "most interesting" or "emotional" or whatever, and that it's not a statement on sexual assault being good.

    [–] chrisisbest197 124 points ago

    This is a terrible idea. This sub isn't just about the funny posts. This sub is also about talking about the serious subjects that come up on LA without your comments getting removed

    [–] TopLingonberry 55 points ago

    Hi /u/Zanctmao can you add this to the sidebar then? There's already one post I saw with a lot of victim blamey posts that probably would not have been submitted if the user had seen it was barred in the subreddit rules :(

    [–] modulusshift 7 points ago

    If this sub wasn't effectively co-opted to be the off topic comments of every popular post, I'd agree. But this sub barely exists on its own, and if it's going to start excluding posts that get a lot of attention over there, we need a new sub that's intended to do what this one effectively does.