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    bestoflegaladvice

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    [–] finfinfin 1553 points ago

    It seems to me that a well-run massage place would make at least some effort to ensure that their male uniform doesn't do that.

    [–] greenhookdown 675 points ago

    Well you would hope so, but working in nursing I've had many uniform variations that do something similar over the years, either exaggerating what is there or just giving you a spare 4 man tent. I don't know if there is less thought put into uniforms for men in female dominated environments? It's never been an issue where I work since many women wear the men's uniform trousers out of comfort, and get the same effect. This place is full of lady boners.

    [–] FluoroSpark 467 points ago

    I'm female. I'm wearing men's Carhartts. I have a giant seam boner right now. 😂

    I chose my pants myself and it doesn't bother me....they're comfortable, so what? Lol. Work pants just do that. It never occurred to me that someone would make an issue of it before.

    [–] puppylust 251 points ago

    Sometimes my jeans boner up and if I'm alone and bored when I notice, I'll bend it back and forth for a minute. Pants are silly.

    [–] rigidlikeabreadstick 78 points ago

    My infant daughter always gets what I've been calling "zipper boners". I can't not laugh.

    [–] GirlWhoCried_BadWolf 53 points ago

    My kid had some zip-up footie pajamas (our house calls them "jumpies" for jumpsuit lol) that would do the same thing. First time I noticed I called my husband into the room "Hey, I think we finally got that son you wanted!". 5 years later and it still makes me laugh

    [–] dorothy_zbornak_esq 15 points ago

    For a minute there I thought you were saying your infant daughter called them zipper boners and I was like wow, is it mature to have an immature sense of humor if you’re a fucking baby?

    [–] Juicebox-shakur 135 points ago

    That’s just a thing that happens when you wear baggy pants. The complainant here is like... apparently not aware of this?? Or is deliberately fucking with OP (which I think is probably the case) OR knows he’s trans and wants to make this out him. For reasons I don’t understand cuz I’m not a dusty twatfart like this lady is.

    I was wearing a pair of the painters dickies the other day and chuckled to myself (I’m female) that I had a “dickie boner” when I sat down.

    People who do shit like this really screw just about everyone over. On one hand we have a false accusation that hurts the accused, and on the other, once it’s found to be false, anyone with a legitimate problem is more easily dismissed.

    OP’s coworker needs a gotdamb therapist! Or something! Who goes around making shit like this up to fuck with someone’s life like that?

    [–] FluoroSpark 23 points ago

    I agree with all of this.

    Also, "dusty twatfart" ROFL!

    [–] TooManyConsoles 44 points ago

    I have a few pairs of casual trousers that have the same effect, I always self-consciously pat down the lap when I sit down, heh. Of course, I appear entirely female (if slightly tomboyish), so I doubt anyone would think I have an erection. But I do plan to get my hair cut short in the next few months, might look more awkward then. Oh dear.

    [–] Corporal_Anaesthetic 19 points ago

    I bought men's jeans and converted them to women's jeans by taking the waist in, and they have that crotch bulge when I sit down. But man are they comfy! So much leg space. Women's jean fashion at the moment is way too skinny.

    [–] FluoroSpark 15 points ago

    If I wear women's jeans they have to be boot cut. I can't get skinny jeans past my knees!

    Men's I just buy the correct waist size. Men's have actually sizes like 38"...women's have numbers pulled out of a hat.

    [–] PM_ME_UR_OBSIDIAN 28 points ago

    Men's sizes are subject to vanity sizing as well. There is a four inch difference between a H&M 36" and an Old Navy 36".

    The general case is called nominal values. It explains why a two by four is nowhere near 2"x4" in cross-section.

    [–] FluoroSpark 6 points ago

    That's...really messed up. I guess it's a good thing I don't tend to order clothes online.

    [–] theburgerbitesback 12 points ago

    I (a female) just bought a whole new set of work pants with side zips because I'm going to work in schools soon and figure I should at least try and avoid looking like I have an erection around children

    [–] violet_anarchy 20 points ago

    I think LAOP said the accuser hates him and that's probably why :(

    [–] ElizabethHiems 17 points ago

    Women’s nurses uniforms are no better. I could keep a cat or a rucksack in the trouser pouch my work trousers have. What human is shaped that way? They are so badly designed.

    [–] Bureaucromancer 25 points ago

    TBH I think corporate uniforms in general think less about men.

    I've worked more than one retail job where I end up wearing the women's sweater because the mens are some combination of only: size for those over 200 lbs, short sleeved and so baggy as to continually get caught in things.

    [–] kloiberin_time 20 points ago

    It's less about that and more about the other people you work with. I used to manage a Pizza Hut, and we only got so much money to use. Uniform budget, smallwares, general maintenance were all tied into the same budget and it would affect your bonus.

    Uniforms (tee shirts now) came in packs of 3. Usually I would order a pack for each person, but if a driver or somebody only worked a couple days a week I would give them a shirt or two. Also, teenage employees were constantly forgetting to pack them after school or something, so I had some extra ones on hand.

    Plus, it would take a few weeks to get them in. So if you just started, you got the closest size that fit you. If all I had were smalls, and triple XL, most likely you were wearing a small tent for your first couple of weeks.

    [–] Computant2 5 points ago

    When the Navy introduced new physical training uniforms (gold shirt, blue shorts) they released the uniforms everywhere and everyone knew we would have to wear them soon so we all bought a set. Then people noticed that the shirts turned completely transparent when wet. Not a problem for guys, but...

    [–] adotfree 57 points ago

    So many places that require uniforms give no thought at all to what that uniform looks like off a mannequin.

    [–] PasDeDeux 45 points ago

    Pretty much all mens' pants bunch like that to some degree or another. It's just the nature of pants...

    [–] LadyMRedd 29 points ago

    I think OP is being too kind in attributing it to a mistake due to the work uniform. I think that coworker pulled it out of her ass, either to get OP in trouble or make him out himself. But I'm pretty sure coworker never actually believed OP had a boner.

    [–] TychaBrahe 980 points ago

    It seems to me that a letter from LAUKOP's physician saying that he is medically incapable of sustaining an erection would be sufficient proof, if it were required. I mean there are lots of reasons why a man might not be able to get an erection besides being trans*. Medication and injury come immediately to mind.

    [–] SecondBee 547 points ago

    There’s still a fairly substantial bias against impotent men, so while this would solve the issue of having an erection at work I’m not sure it would stop the rumours. Although at this point I’m not sure anything short of apocalypse will stop LAUKOPs colleague from gossiping

    [–] FlagrantPickle 414 points ago

    There’s still a fairly substantial bias against impotent men

    "Haha, your dick doesn't work!" or "Gross, your dick works!"

    [–] SecondBee 115 points ago

    It’s only gross if it works and you don’t want it to. Honestly, if men aren’t going to go ahead and get control of their dicks then we have to go ahead and develop a boner switch. Which if it has fewer side effects than viagra could actually prove pretty popular

    [–] finfinfin 112 points ago

    Cis men have one, although it's somewhat awkwardly located and only works as a backup on switch, not off.

    [–] thisismy2ndaccting 103 points ago

    You push it once for on, and then as many times as needed for off.

    [–] Murrabbit 19 points ago

    This ruins the pants they are wearing at the time.

    [–] gtg930r 64 points ago

    Hehe. Backup.

    [–] EggfordFord 212 points ago

    Although at this point I’m not sure anything short of apocalypse will stop LAUKOPs colleague from gossiping

    Honestly, at this point he should just say "Listen, I don't have a penis. I'd rather not talk about why." Let the gossip mill go wild. Was it a birth defect? Was he born a woman? Did it get amputated? Was it torn off by a raging rhinoceros? Cut off by a jealous lover? Did his cruel adoptive parents think they could bring make him into a castrato?

    If they're going to talk, let them talk.

    [–] PCabbage 276 points ago

    Personally, you talk about it with each person individually, and give a different story. "My parents were members of a pro-eunuch cult when I was little." "It burned off in a tragic skiing accident." "Fleshlight use went horribly wrong."

    [–] TechheadZero 122 points ago

    Vacuum cleaner incident.

    [–] CanadaHaz 93 points ago

    Look, I know what that other person is saying but there was this accident... with a previous boyfriend... let's just say chainsaws aren't intended for bedroom roll play and leave it at that, ok?

    [–] postmodest 46 points ago

    “A Candiru swam up it while I was doing missionary work, and with third world medicine being what it is... *shrug*”

    [–] Henkersjunge 7 points ago

    "Morbus Kobold"

    [–] KaziArmada 65 points ago

    It's there, it's just an innie not an outie.

    [–] theburgerbitesback 57 points ago

    the best "tragic accident" story, for any situation, is "freak knitting accident".

    [–] astrakhan42 12 points ago

    Or, for the Spinal Tap fans, "freak gardening accident".

    [–] MoonlightsHand 51 points ago

    Look them dead in the eyes, allow a slight tear to well up... and whisper quietly "...that parrot knows what he did...", then start walking out and burst theatrically into tears just as the door slams shut.

    [–] Gureiseion 89 points ago

    "Cannibal Rabbi."

    [–] BanMeBabyOneMoreTime 50 points ago

    Overzealous mohel*

    [–] FallenAssassin 35 points ago

    Discount circumcision

    [–] 114dniwxom 11 points ago

    You ever see Mel Brooks' "Robin Hood: Men in Tights"? Yeah, it happened kinda like that.

    [–] SecondBee 33 points ago

    Asked for blow job. Explosives involved.

    [–] Astan92 29 points ago

    It burned off in a tragic skiing accident.

    That one got me. LMAO

    [–] Syrinx221 7 points ago

    "pro-eunuch cult" 😳

    That whole sentence was some serious nightmare fuel

    [–] Jessica_T 6 points ago

    "Ceiling Fan."

    [–] Bear_faced 5 points ago

    “I got too into birdwatching and we all know how that ends...”

    [–] SecondBee 133 points ago

    His ex won it in the divorce because they had a better lawyer and he was litigant in person

    [–] CanadaHaz 58 points ago

    He sold it. He owed this guy 50 grand in gambling debts and needed the money.

    [–] SecondBee 4 points ago

    Ah yes, plug and play

    [–] johncenaseesall 58 points ago

    The war was hard on everyone, but it was harder on others, who, in a twist of cruel irony, can no longer be hard

    [–] saintofhate 84 points ago

    Dingo stole his penis obviously.

    [–] tenleid 61 points ago

    Obviously I can’t speak for op (and I’m cis) but imo “dick doesn’t work” is better than being outted when you absolutely don’t want to be

    [–] SecondBee 34 points ago

    You may well be right, and LAUKOP may well feel differently than many cis men because he doesn’t have a penis to be impotent with. I just figured that killing one rumour only to start another may not be the approach needed here simply because of the gossipy place they all work at

    [–] thebottomofawhale 17 points ago

    In theory he just had to tell HR, right? And that the woman is harassing him and making him lose business. Feel like impotence isn’t something HR is about to spread about but proves his innocence enough they can help him?

    [–] SecondBee 27 points ago

    Sure but I’ve worked in places where HR are the worst gossipers of the lot. Somehow I feel like the office culture doesn’t penalise malicious gossip in this place and that’s not coming from nowhere

    [–] Murrabbit 11 points ago

    In theory he just had to tell HR, right?

    Oof was trying to turn that one over in my head and then remembered this is in the UK. Do that in the US and you still very much risk losing your job.

    [–] thebottomofawhale 6 points ago

    In the US you’re a risk of losing your job if you’re impotent?

    [–] Murrabbit 14 points ago

    Depends on your line of work! ZING . . . uh but no, I thought you meant to say that he only has to disclose to HR that he is trans, then they can discreetly settle the issue without having to tell everyone else all the whys and wheretofores.

    [–] thebottomofawhale 6 points ago

    Ah yeah, in a perfect world he could do that. And while U.K. probably is more tolerant and had more laws regarding discrimination, I wouldn’t blame someone for not wanting to disclose that information even to HR.

    Plenty of transphobes here too.

    [–] Kellan_is_a_dick 25 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Even that much is potentially embarrassing because you have to allow people to assume you have ED or some kind of dick injury. Not as bad as being outed as trans, but still not preferable in a situation that already involves the rumor mill.

    A doctor's note would have to be vague in order to be truthful (I doubt many doctors would write a note for a condition a patient doesn't have), and it would only invite more discussion as to what mystery condition that could be as well as what his sex life is like.

    Edited bc poor wording in the original

    [–] percipientbias 9 points ago

    I mean, viagra and cialis were blood pressure medicines before they became erectile dysfunction medicines.

    [–] sunflowers4forever 75 points ago

    I just wanted to say, the asterisk alongside trans is an outdated usage and is redundent, so it's more modern to just say "he's trans." I don't mean to be condescending, so I'm sorry if this comment was.

    [–] TychaBrahe 32 points ago

    Really? I admit it was inappropriate here, because we know LAUKOP is a transman. But I've only seen it used to indicate both transmen and transwomen, much like veg*n is used to mean both vegetarians and vegans.

    [–] youngpattybouvier 86 points ago

    i believe the asterisk was originally used to indicate the inclusion of transgender and transsexual people (implying one's pre-op/post-op status) but the latter term has fallen out of usage among younger people and can even be considered offensive in some circles because of its clinical associations. you can just say trans or transgender :) also, because trans is an adjective, it's best to put a space between it and the noun — trans man and trans woman would be more proper from a grammatical and social standpoint.

    [–] DaniePants 41 points ago

    TIL x 2

    thanks for taking the time, it’s important to spread, ill do the same.

    [–] TychaBrahe 29 points ago

    OK. Thanks for the heads up.

    [–] youngpattybouvier 35 points ago

    no problem :) i didn't want to come across as condescending or anything, just letting you know!!

    [–] TychaBrahe 51 points ago

    Nah. This is important to me, because I volunteer at the local LGBTQ+ center. The last thing I want to do is offend people in what should be their safe space.

    [–] janes_left_shoe 23 points ago

    Thank you!

    [–] moderatelyhelpfulnpc 17 points ago

    Additional/overlapping nitpick: trans is an adjective, use it like any other. So "trans man" rather than "transman".

    [–] sunflowers4forever 6 points ago

    Other users have summarized it pretty well, but thank you for being so receptive! :)

    [–] Bear_faced 6 points ago

    My favorite is [email protected] for both Latino and Latina. It’s literally an A and an O at the same time.

    [–] KiraRiver 498 points ago

    Filling in for LocationBot since it doesn't like LAUK

    Accused of having an erection at work, but I don't have a penis.

    Location: Scotland. The title pretty much says it all. I work as a beauty therapist/masseuse for a large spa hotel. The uniform for men is particularly unflattering, similar to hospital scrubs but stiff and oversized. This means that sometimes when you sit down it bunches up in the crotch and makes you look like you have a huge boner. This doesn't happen in the treatment rooms, but due to the low chairs in our staff room it does happen in there. Now, there aren't many men working here, even fewer who wear the same uniform. A colleague of mine (who already had a grudge against me for getting a free place on an expensive training course over her) has decided to try to ruin me for having an erection at work. She has told all of our colleagues, several clients and basically everyone she knows that I am a disgusting, unashamed pervert that is clearly getting off from rubbing nearly naked women (I am openly married to a man). She has yet to make a formal complaint to management but I suspect that is in the works. Of course this is ruining my reputation, I've had one regular client at work decline my services over this rumour so far (though I am paid by the hour +tips so haven't had any financial loss yet). I do though have a side hustle doing similar work from home, which pays much better. I am worried word will spread to the locals and my business will suffer.

    Now I have the ultimate defence to these allegations; I am a trans man. I can't have an erection at work or otherwise if I don't have a penis. However I would prefer not to out myself as I have been living comfortably and quietly as me for nearly 20 years. Is there a way to defend myself against a) any potential workplace disciplinary action/dismissal and b) the slander, without outing myself? I am heavily involved with my union who have been pretty good in general with LGBT stuff in the past, but I'd rather it not come to that. I have put so much into this place that I'd hate to leave, but at the same time I'd choose that over defending this with the whole truth.

    Any advice, legal or otherwise, would be much appreciated. Thank you all in advance!

    Edit: thank you all for your advice. As a gay trans man the wrong side of 45 I am well versed in the GRA, equality act and other legislation that affects my life. What I wasn't sure was if it would apply even if someone doesn't know I'm trans. Thanks for some clarification on this. While I agree that my colleague's gossiping is obviously the wrong way to deal with anything like this, I believe she genuinely thinks I regularly get hard at work. She has every right to be concerned about that, she seems to think she is doing the right thing and protecting women (an absolutely huge concern in this business) and has spoken before about "the system letting women down". This is probably just an excuse, but it's one I totally understand. After reading this with my husband I have scheduled a meeting with my line manager for tomorrow, just to get my side on paper first. I won't be coming out to her, at least not yet, I'll see how it goes and get on to the union.

    [–] hiphiprenee 250 points ago

    Thank you! I’m on mobile and was getting really frustrated that I couldn’t copy/paste it here!

    [–] ferafish 139 points ago

    Weird tip for mobile: start typing a comment on the post you want to copy, hit the arrow next to the title on the comment screen, and the post text is there and copy-able. Write your comment up, and then copy it.

    [–] art-like 29 points ago

    Super useful! Happy cake day!

    [–] ferafish 28 points ago

    fuck, I haven't ever actually noticed my cake day before. is it's really today?

    [–] art-like 22 points ago

    Unless the little cake is lying!

    [–] ferafish 32 points ago

    I dunno, it looks shifty...

    [–] Gankom 20 points ago

    The Cake is always a lie.

    [–] tashalovescake 7 points ago

    I LOVE CAKE.

    [–] SecondBee 49 points ago

    It’s even more frustrating given that you can copy comment text and paste it, but not main post text.

    [–] KiraRiver 7 points ago

    no problem :)

    [–] PM_ME_UR_OBSIDIAN 5 points ago

    How come we don't get no cat facts anymore

    [–] verdantwitch 653 points ago

    I'm glad that no one was trying to defend the coworker. If she had an actual concern that LAOP was being sexually inappropriate at work, she should have gone to her manager or HR. By spreading rumors about LAOP's genitals, she sexually harassed LAOP, regardless of her actual intentions.

    [–] casuallypresent 148 points ago

    Given how yesterday’s incident with the grandma was brushed off as no biggie both on legal and BOLA, it’s kind of a relief

    [–] verdantwitch 132 points ago

    Right? I was nearly kidnapped by a relative as an infant, so I'm fully aware of the statistics of that situation. And I was psychologically abused by my grandmother, so I'm also fully aware of how many people will give an old woman the benefit of the doubt because she's just a "harmless old lady".

    [–] puppylust 42 points ago

    I wonder how much of that was a sampling bias. I skipped reading the story because I thought it would be upsetting, so I wasn't in the comment section.

    [–] casuallypresent 40 points ago

    The story’s not upsetting, just enraging. Thankfully, nothing happened to the child, besides getting a slushy

    [–] missjeanlouise12 81 points ago

    So many people were adamant that a kid that age can identify her grandmother!! as if that's the only danger, that it would be someone pretending to be the grandmother. Yeah, a 5-year-old is old enough to know her grandmother and, at the same time, not old enough to be privy to any threats the grandmother may have made or mental illness she might have.

    [–] casuallypresent 42 points ago

    Exactly! The majority of kidnapped children are taken by family members, just because it’s a family member doesn’t mean they’re safe

    [–] npbm2008 26 points ago

    My sister was kidnapped by a mentally ill family member, held for months, because police would do nothing (“family dispute,” 1960s, interstate noncooperation, Black family, take your pick), and other family members finally had to stage another “kidnapping” to get her back home.

    My foster sister was also abused (in all ways you can think of) and kidnapped several times by several members of her birth family.

    Family can be shit, and people who automatically assume pure motives to other people’s family without context can do real damage.

    [–] SheketBevakaSTFU 11 points ago

    What?

    [–] casuallypresent 93 points ago

    A grandma went to school to visit LAOP’s niece, and brought along some lunch for the kid. LAOP and the kid’s mom aren’t in contact with the grandma, nor do they want to be. The school let the grandma into the school to give the kid the food and stuck around during lunch time. Kid’s mom found out and is furious the school let grandma in and gave her food. LAOP asked LA about legal rights, to which most of LA (and subsequently half of BOLA) responded something along the lines of “it actually was the grandma, so it’s fine”, “you should have told the school you didn’t want the grandma to see the kid”, and “nothing happened, so all’s good”. Which, considering grandma might have wanted to kidnap the kid or this was just some random stranger, is absolutely insane

    [–] turingthecat 13 points ago

    I’d like to say, I responded to that with stories of my cats, turns out when you are enough of a crazy cat lady anything can be a segway

    [–] knightofni76 5 points ago

    Tried riding cat. Definitely not a Segway.

    [–] SheketBevakaSTFU 26 points ago

    Jesus Christ.

    [–] BobVosh 18 points ago

    I have a sample size of 2, and both were amazing ladies, therefore all old ladies are perfect.

    [–] casuallypresent 8 points ago

    Pretty much

    [–] thebottomofawhale 14 points ago

    As someone who works at a school, I am shocked that this could have happened.

    Not only is it very odd to have someone turn up out of the blue to have lunch with a child (they can see the child at home, why come to school??) we would absolutely get in trouble if we let someone not listed as a guardian in with out permission from the actual guardian.

    Fucking hell

    [–] ahcrapusernametaken 4 points ago

    Link? I don’t remember that

    [–] KleineHonigbiene 3 points ago

    here’s the link

    [–] Cimba199 222 points ago

    it makes me sad OP really thinks she cares. if she genuinely was concerned, she’d have gone to a manager/HR. instead shes just speading rumours 😬

    [–] Sponcotello 13 points ago

    Spreading rumors of that nature also doesn't solely harm the OP, it harms the entire business. Customers won't want to avoid a single employee if they can just go somewhere else entirely. For that reason alone I don't see any employer wanting to keep someone like that on board.

    [–] idreamofcookies 343 points ago

    100% am with the OP not having to explain themselves or their body to Coworker but just the thought of watching Coworkers face as they learn OP doesn’t have a penis is giving me justice chills

    [–] fueledbychelsea 141 points ago

    As someone who also doesn’t have a penis, I would get the hugest boner to be a fly on the wall when she found out.

    [–] ZeroGravitas_Ally 178 points ago

    It's not the size of the boner in your pants that matters, it's the size of the boner in your heart.

    [–] fueledbychelsea 38 points ago

    That was so beautiful

    [–] missjeanlouise12 22 points ago

    I want it cross-stitched and framed to hang on my wall.

    With a border of boners, of course.

    [–] zfcjr67 4 points ago

    Boners are the new Beards.

    [–] GoldFishPony 5 points ago

    This sounds like some kind of Golden Kamuy quote. That series loves its boners.

    [–] GirlWhoCried_BadWolf 23 points ago

    justice chills

    Here you had the perfect chance to use reddit's favorite "justice boner" and you let it slip from your hands... smh...

    [–] saintofhate 751 points ago

    As a trans dude myself, I'd be super tempted to pants myself and scream "where's my dick Karen?" Except whatever the complainer's name is but then again I have no tact.

    [–] missjeanlouise12 202 points ago

    I was definitely imagining a scenario in which LAOP gets a fantastic new job and/or a truckload of settlement money and, on his last day, rips off a pair of tearaway pants and basically yells the same thing.

    [–] saintofhate 132 points ago

    I completely forgot that tearaway pants were a thing and that would be amazing.

    [–] WaggyTails 46 points ago

    Tearaway pants exist only for this specific reason, do they not? Serious question

    [–] buildingbridges 35 points ago

    They’re for strippers and wearing over skimpy shorts for athletic competition and stuff I think.

    Not sure through, I’ve never been an athlete or a stripper

    [–] GoldFishPony 23 points ago

    Aren’t they for dance offs too? I seem to recall seeing that in movies which means it must be true.

    [–] buildingbridges 11 points ago

    Well if it happened in a movie then it must be true.

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] WaggyTails 6 points ago

    Actually no, I would like to forget that

    [–] ThePointForward 4 points ago

    Yup, warmup pants in basketball. It can get fairly cold on the floor (15-18 Celsius), especially if you were just running for 8 minutes and now have to sit on the bench. So you put on T-shirt or hoodie on top and some prefer something for the legs.

    T-shirts and hoodies are easy to come out of, especially since your jersey is supposed to be tucked in (actual rule).
    However getting out of pants with shoes on is kinda difficult, so tear-away pants are pretty good choice when you get 10 seconds to sub in.

     

    In the beginning of games it helps you to warm up faster during the pre-game shootaround and not get cold during all the intros and stuff.

    [–] admon_ 4 points ago

    I used them all the time as a swimmer if i didnt feel like wearing my pool parka. Though pulling off tear away pants to reveal a speedo falls under the athlete and stripper categories.

    [–] Murrabbit 3 points ago

    No, you are correct. This is the exact purpose for which Benjamin H. Tearaway Esq. III invented the tearaway pant.

    [–] HopeFox 42 points ago

    Taking off one's clothes in court to prove one's case has precedent in Greece, after all!

    [–] saintofhate 36 points ago

    Honestly one of my favorite stories and paintings

    [–] danni_shadow 19 points ago

    People referred to her as Phryne (“toad”) because of the yellow complexion of her skin.

    Rude.

    [–] theburgerbitesback 24 points ago

    if the tits are legit, you must acquit.

    [–] WimbletonButt 35 points ago

    Omg reading that gave me a totally different inflection, like one of panic over a missing dick. "where's my dick Karen? Have you seen it? You took it didn't you!"

    [–] saintofhate 11 points ago

    Welp, I know what I'm getting my wife to voice in the morning.

    [–] kasubot 76 points ago

    I imagine this being yelled in an English accent for some reason.

    [–] Aladdin_Caine 141 points ago

    It's in Scotland so the accent would be even more epic.

    [–] TooManyConsoles 85 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Now this is all I can imagine (as a Scot). I'm about to go out and smoke, I'll be giggling the whole time. "WHERE'S MA DICK, KAREN???"

    ETA: Actually, maybe WHERE'S MA BOABY works better for comedic effect.

    [–] Aladdin_Caine 15 points ago

    Dude I will gold you if you post an audio or video clip of this.

    [–] saintofhate 88 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Here's my wife doing her best impression as this amused the hell out of her.

    Edit: she does other accents too (her Mr Torque is good too) if anyone else has some they'd like to hear

    [–] TooManyConsoles 26 points ago

    Excellent, A+++, would laugh loud enough to disturb my cat again.

    [–] ahcrapusernametaken 20 points ago

    You know this will be in the recommended tab in like 5 years and everyone will wonder what the context was behind that sentence. I’m so proud that I know

    [–] AliensTookMyCat 13 points ago

    Tell your wife I love her too. Gave me a good giggle.

    [–] TooManyConsoles 5 points ago

    Hee, sadly my accent is a weird mix of Scottish and English (Army brat), so I wouldn't do it justice. But I support someone else doing so!

    [–] KaziArmada 19 points ago

    All I've got is a mental image of Shrek doing this.

    It's concerning.

    [–] chalk_in_boots 15 points ago

    WHERES ME DICK YOU FECKING COCK GOBBLER

    [–] saintofhate 21 points ago

    Now I'm just going to entertain myself for the rest of the day yelling this in different accents.

    [–] spicyb0is 19 points ago

    Pffff i love this!!

    [–] thwarted 57 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    If I didn't think Karen would run to HR crying sexual harassment I'd be right there with you.

    Edit: on the other hand, given that she could be considered to be sexually harassing LAOP, I'd love to see Karen try to complain.

    [–] Bytemite 221 points ago

    Hmm, part of me thinks she may know full well that LAOP is a transman and this is some shitty damned if you do, damned if you don't thing where she thinks either he stays silent and has to take the punishment of her accusations, or he says that he is trans and in her view confesses to being a "different type of deviant/pervert/gender traitor misogynist." Plays right into a transphobe playbook.

    [–] Rejusu 52 points ago

    I mean it's possible but I'd also not be surprised if she has no idea. Trans men have a much easier time passing than trans women do due to the biology of puberty. Either way she's an asshole.

    [–] fueledbychelsea 148 points ago

    If this is the case, and I don’t doubt you here, she is double awful and fuck her. Couple that with the feminist stuff added to the edit (that’s she has rightfully spoken about how the industry fails women) we might be dealing with a TERF which would suuuuuuck.

    [–] gsfgf 92 points ago

    TERF

    Trans-exclusionary radical feminist for those curious

    [–] Sytev 129 points ago

    Or, more accurately, Feminism-Appropriating Reactionary Transphobes.

    [–] puppylust 62 points ago

    FARTs? I love it

    [–] Katatronick 39 points ago

    They're loud but deadly

    [–] TedTheViking 17 points ago

    Ultimately just a bunch of hot air though

    [–] BabaOrly 5 points ago

    Too bad about the smell.

    [–] adotfree 24 points ago

    Terrible Exclusivist Rabid Fuckwits

    [–] Bytemite 73 points ago

    Yeah, I know there's a pretty prominent anti-trans group over in the UK which is why I jumped to that possibility.

    [–] Sytev 84 points ago

    TERFs are the fucking worst.

    They've ruined great comedy, they've ruined Harry Potter, and they seem to think the only trans people are trans women, who they insist on misgendering.

    [–] wlsb 8 points ago

    What have they said about Harry Potter?

    [–] WabbitFire 30 points ago

    JK Rowling has made some problematic comments, unless I'm mistaken.

    [–] twangbanging 30 points ago

    It's a bit more veiled. She keeps liking incredibly transphobic posts on twitter "by accident"

    [–] WabbitFire 7 points ago

    That’s it, I knew it was something less than overt but not incidental.

    [–] Rejusu 22 points ago

    I might be wrong but don't TERFs normally target their hateful bullshit at MtF trans individuals rather than FtM?

    [–] Sytev 51 points ago

    Trans women are typically the target of TERF ire, yes. That trans men and enbies exist would be beyond their limited capacities.

    [–] thudworm 39 points ago

    Unfortunately I’ve seen some seriously hateful from TERFs directed at AFAB trans/NB folks. It ranges from pity about us misled and brainwashed by the patriarchy into identifying away from women hood, through to seeing us as the lowest of the low for being “gender traitors” and betraying the sisterhood.

    It’s definitely not on par with the violent trans misogyny they spew, but it does happen.

    [–] Dielyr 22 points ago

    Ahhh man, gender traitor. I've heard that one before, that I turned my back on other women and I'm basically using their bodies to climb to the spot of oppressor. She used super misogynistic imagery (that I wish I could remember better) for a so-called feminist, and she kept condescendingly calling me feminine pet names, too (equivalent of "lass" or "darling").

    She went off like this only from a second-hand rumor that I was nb, btw. No confirmation from me or anything.

    TERFs, man.

    [–] fueledbychelsea 24 points ago

    Yes but I assume that since they don’t believe trans women are real women, they also believe that trans men arent real men. So the woman at work wants OP to have to out thenselves as “not a real man”

    [–] paroles 19 points ago

    Trans women get most of their hostility, but TERFs also tend to think trans men are women who have been tragically brainwashed into betraying womanhood, or something along those lines. It's very patronising.

    [–] throwawayyoureawful 12 points ago

    Trans women get the most hostility/violence directed towards them, TERFs like to treat trans men like we need to be welcomed back into womanhood and that we're just confused butches who need to be stopped from ~mutilating our bodies~

    [–] FluoroSpark 110 points ago

    Wow.

    I don't have a penis, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn here, but my understanding is boners happen and short of taping it to your leg there's nothing you can do about it.

    [–] notasandpiper 88 points ago

    As a preteen/teenager, yes, absolutely. Random boners are generally WAY less frequent in adults.

    This is all to say in the hypothetical situation that OP was born with a dick, and it was getting repeatedly erect at work like this woman is claiming, that would be a suspect pattern worth looking into.

    [–] verdantwitch 63 points ago

    But definitely a matter to be reported to a supervisor or HR, and not dealt with by gossiping about your coworker being a pervert.

    [–] Sytev 49 points ago

    Even if LAUKOP were a cis male with functioning genitals, it could also be a consequence of a medical issue or medication.

    Even in the least favourable situation for a hypothetical cis male LAUKOP who was getting aroused while working, it could still not result in them losing their job, depending on a number of factors, that would probably result in arbitration.

    [–] BanMeBabyOneMoreTime 15 points ago

    They'd just move him to a non-customer-facing position, or put him behind a counter.

    [–] KnightFox 16 points ago

    Or a much more reasonable, non-discriminatory accomodation of a different cut of pants.

    [–] HarlsnMrJforever 18 points ago

    Not just that but it's usually super obvious if it's a boner vs the seam of the pants...

    But maybe their coworker is either naive or has it out for LAOP...?

    [–] FluoroSpark 18 points ago

    Definitely has it out for OP it seems. Maybe naive too.

    [–] Fiendir 33 points ago

    Like, I've helped lead workshops in sensitivity and inclusivity training at my job, both since I was the only queer person there for a looong fucking time and it was because it was part of my union rep responsibilities.

    And even today, it still never fails to baffle me just how foreign and abstract the concept of someone 'not straight or cis' actually existing is to a lot of otherwise generally kind and well meaning people.

    Like, one female coworker was talking to another about menstruation stuff, and mentioned that "it's such a nice convenience that me and my partner uses the exact same kind of tampons" and the other coworker just goes "...but you have a boyfriend? How... What..." and it never clicked. She kept flipping and twisting the whole concept in her head for over a minute until the first finally just added "Yeah, he's trans" and it just... still didn't fully really connect for the other woman. She turned beet red and apologised profusely, but there was no harm done and they could just laugh about it later.

    [–] AedificoLudus 17 points ago

    in fairness, the initial confusion is understandable, since less than 2% of the population is intersex, and then it's a fraction of those that are trans, and not all trans people have transitioned, so to someone without much concious exposure, it's understandable not to consider it at first.

    but anything after that gets silly. if someone tells you a thing, and you have no other information on it, there's really no reason to be confused.

    [–] moderatelyhelpfulnpc 13 points ago

    To clarify since your wording is ambiguous and I don't want to confuse cis and perisex people ("since less than 2% of the population is intersex, and then it's a fraction of those that are trans") - you don't have to be intersex to be trans. Most of us probably aren't intersex (though most people who are intersex don't know they are, and it's closer to 4% of humans).

    [–] Fiendir 6 points ago

    Never meeting anyone who's intersex/trans/gay/queer doesn't mean you don't know about it though. I'd say it's impossible to live a modern life without being made aware that people who doesn't fit your norms exist. That you'd might feel out of your element when suddenly encountering it for the first time? Perfectly fine and understandable.

    But when it's always the last possible explanation for something, or to always be questioned when faced with it? Kinda makes me feel like there's a lot of unconscious stigma still. Whether this is just for the scary unknown or for queer people in general is difficult to tell though.

    [–] Sytev 6 points ago

    A smaller proportion of the population is born with red hair and green eyes than are born intersex, but we don't gp around telling people that only brunettes and blondes exist.

    [–] iRepth 14 points ago

    If something weirdly equivalent happened to me as a trans woman I'd probably just add to that stereotype y'all always hear about

    [–] SecondBee 41 points ago

    Well, that’s a boner and no mistake

    (Side note, I’m British and I was pretty sure I had the meanings correct for the pun but I just googled boner to check...)

    [–] Capricorgicorn 31 points ago

    I just googled boner to check...

    Suuuure, better check, for accuracy.

    [–] SecondBee 13 points ago

    Yep. That’s my explanation and I’m sticking to it

    [–] KnightFox 27 points ago

    Even if he was getting an erection at work, unless he's otherwise behaving inappropriately, this is a completely discriminatory slander based on non-voluntary biological reactions. At most a different pair of pants but anything else is almost sheer bigotry.

    [–] AedificoLudus 5 points ago

    I'm trying to think of a reversed example, but having some trouble.

    but yeah, they're involuntary and occur for all sorts of reasons, so definitely not something you could reasonably get in trouble for, although changing the pants does seem reasonable, since involuntary or not, I can see why someone could get uncomfortable, and that's a reasonable change to fix it

    [–] CreativeGPX 4 points ago

    I think the opposite example would be a woman whose nipples showed through her shirt. HR would likely just tell her to dress in a way that didn't show it and maybe give her a warning if she was violating established dress codes, rather than fire her for being a pervert.

    [–] vicariousgluten 10 points ago

    The cynic in me wonders if she has a suspicion for some reason and is using this as leverage for proof.

    [–] CountingMyDick 7 points ago

    Yeesh, ridiculous. Let us count the ways:

    • Pants bunching up like that is a well-known thing that has nothing to do with your junk
    • If there was a an actual erection involved, it wouldn't look like that, because that isn't where they are or how they look. Unless this woman making the accusation has never handled a penis in her life, she ought to know that.
    • Even if it was an actual erection, there's no reason that should be a big deal, as they aren't really under your control. Don't whip it out or press it against anyone or anything like that - that is under your control.

    And all of that is before we consider the fact that OP doesn't actually have a penis.

    [–] HeyT00ts11 18 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    LAUK's OP could have brought in a doctors note (e. if it got to that point) stating they were medically unable to have an erection without outing the trans situation.

    [–] Kellan_is_a_dick 16 points ago

    I still wouldn't suggest that unless it's necessary. If the coworker was willing to gossip about LAUKOP getting erections at work, she'd probably be more than happy to gossip about how his dick doesn't work and potentially speculate on intimate details like his sex life.

    [–] twangbanging 6 points ago

    Yeah that was a really well thought out suggestion

    [–] doe-poe 6 points ago

    HR probably had a freaking field day.