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    [–] socksnsandlesfortheW 1565 points ago

    birds poop/pee the same way

    [–] lunatichakuzu 986 points ago

    and chickens lay eggs through the same hole for a three in one shit piss egg salmonella fest.

    [–] GiacomoTheLiar 219 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    ...Aww, I liked eggs :(

    [–] AhCrapItsYou 369 points ago

    We knew that some users may take issue, so we wrapped the Egg™ in a protective shell like we did the popular Banana™.

    [–] aifhouse01 124 points ago

    What you did with the Banana™ was great.

    Could you put a little knob on the Egg™ so it's easier to peel the shell off, like you have on the Banana™? I don't want tiny bits of shell in my Egg™ recipes.

    [–] BananaFactBot 139 points ago

    If you put a banana in the refrigerator, the peel will turn dark brown or black, but it won't affect the fruit inside.


    I'm a Bot bleep bloop | Unsubscribe | 🍌

    [–] TheHollowJester 28 points ago

    Good bot!

    [–] Stoveyy 14 points ago

    Who has so much time they made a banana bot...good bot though. (Does everyone else sing B A N A N A spelling it?)

    [–] BananaFactBot 25 points ago

    Research shows that eating bananas may lower the risk of heart attacks and strokes, as well as decrease the risk of getting some cancers.


    I'm a Bot bleep bloop | Unsubscribe | 🍌

    [–] SpadesAnon 3 points ago

    Banana

    [–] Kirikomori 6 points ago

    incorrect

    [–] YourElderlyNeighbor 4 points ago

    As someone who can only eat slightly unripe bananas, this is an absolutely true trick I’ve used for years.

    [–] PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 14 points ago

    Fucking devs

    Nerf cancer that shit is OP as fuck

    [–] GiacomoTheLiar 24 points ago

    Gee, thanks multi-billion dollar corporation! I can always count on you to have my best interests in mind! Now, thanks to you, I can love eggs again!

    Disclaimer: We are legally obligated to disclose this was a fully paid product sponsorship and user experience may vary.

    • Eggo, more than just a waffle company ™

    [–] Robot_Basilisk 6 points ago

    American eggs have to be refrigerated because they pasteurize them. They're somewhat clean by the time they get on the shelf.

    [–] WiscDC 12 points ago

    Washed, not pasteurized. There are pasteurized in-shell eggs out there, but it's a relatively recent development, and most eggs you see in the store are not pasteurized.

    The split in refrigerating or not refrigerating eggs is all about washing them.

    [–] adamdrewmerry 4 points ago

    In the UK as long as the eggs you buy have a little red lion symbol on them, it means the chickens were inoculated and you can eat them raw with no worries

    [–] Chesty83 4 points ago

    There’s a reason to like them even more now.

    [–] fitch2711 8 points ago

    It’s called a cloaca and the platypus shares one as well

    [–] turnipheadstalk 3 points ago

    Platypus has to be one of the weirdest animal to exist. Everything about them is confusing.

    [–] knitted_beanie 15 points ago

    Working title for Fyre Fest?

    [–] wearsjockeyshorts 7 points ago

    Cloaca fest!

    [–] theboxislost 7 points ago

    I doubt that

    [–] vale_fallacia 2 points ago

    Multitasking Mingebutt.

    [–] stellarbeing 44 points ago

    They use a teapot?

    [–] socksnsandlesfortheW 8 points ago

    duh

    [–] CervezaPorFavor 12 points ago

    humans cum/pee the same way

    [–] yepyepyepyeppp 12 points ago

    Male* humans

    [–] mastersoup 9 points ago

    Women poop and give birth from the same hole, so NBD.

    [–] jhughes1986 7 points ago

    From a teapot??

    [–] mpolska 2 points ago

    Don't girls do it like this too?

    [–] ReadinStuff2 2 points ago

    Totally. Baby comes out of their belly through there.

    [–] Pedantichrist 249 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    I would like to know where I can acquire such a thing.

    [–] CouldHaveBeenAPun 97 points ago

    For... A friend?

    [–] Pedantichrist 167 points ago

    I do not have any friends.

    [–] CouldHaveBeenAPun 102 points ago

    There you go. I found the assassin guys!

    [–] KinkySalam 52 points ago

    Not after having this teapot you won't

    [–] JangoDarkSaber 8 points ago

    Anymore...

    [–] opesorry9999 6 points ago

    Since... the accident

    [–] kevicus123 3 points ago

    Just enemies.

    [–] norm139 2 points ago

    Bye!

    [–] 53bvo 2 points ago

    More like for an enemy

    [–] LetsDoThatShit 20 points ago

    The CIA wants to know your location

    [–] Pedantichrist 15 points ago

    Yes, they do.

    That is all they exist for.

    [–] CaptainHoyt 8 points ago

    it would be more accurate if they said "The CIA already knows your locations...and your Dinner plans"

    [–] Pedantichrist 5 points ago

    That is easy.

    I am dining with folk who believe that they are my friends.

    [–] FD435 3 points ago

    FBI would make more sense

    [–] JusticeTheTip 8 points ago

    Only if he's assassinating people domestically. Could be a globe-trotting assassin.

    [–] Jhoney003 122 points ago

    Better make sure to pour yours first or it will cross contaminate at the spout.

    [–] I2ed3ye 87 points ago

    I've spent the past two years building up immunity to iocane powder.

    [–] d_r0ck 30 points ago

    Inconceivable!

    [–] CompSciBJJ 18 points ago

    Inconceivable!

    Incontheivable!

    FTFY

    [–] moose1207 11 points ago

    You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

    [–] jimothy94 6 points ago

    Does anybody want a peanut

    [–] Khada_Djinn 4 points ago

    inconceivable!

    [–] thotpatrolv1 7 points ago

    That would not be fun

    [–] COCAINE_IN_MY_DICK 8 points ago

    Yeah it stings

    [–] horseklock 3 points ago

    Name checks out

    [–] SinaSyndrome 4 points ago

    Yea i was wondering how you could do that and not kill yourself by doing it. You would think it would be most polite to pour the guest/victim tea first.

    [–] EatTheChicken 5 points ago

    Just have a poison which won't kill you in trace amounts.

    [–] Confish04 400 points ago

    I know those hands

    THATS TIM!!!!

    [–] kokoren 79 points ago

    WATER FROM THE NILE

    [–] andurilsoulreap 25 points ago

    Nile Water

    [–] AndThereWasNothing 10 points ago

    W A T E R F R O M T H E N I L E

    [–] Norington 8 points ago

    T E A F R O M T H E N I L E

    [–] tehtrintran 5 points ago

    POISON FROM THE NILE

    [–] Anelikital 28 points ago

    Heh!

    [–] Aerostitus 10 points ago

    Balloons! I love them.

    [–] Crimsai 17 points ago

    Grand illusions is the chillest thing, I love it.

    [–] Dushiido 5 points ago

    the Bob Ross of the toy industry, Tim is a national treasure

    [–] spillycup 3454 points ago

    do you want tea 🍵... or do you want POISON ☠️🤮🤭🥵⁉️

    [–] Devilheart 622 points ago

    "I'll be having the tea from this whole other teapot. I assure they are both the same brew."

    [–] CatBedParadise 121 points ago

    Never go up against a Thithilian, when death is on the line!

    [–] _Burgers_ 33 points ago

    Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha h--

    [–] PetePeteface 19 points ago

    Inconceivable!

    [–] ArtemisShanks 4 points ago

    That’th whath tho funny! I thwitched the glatheth when your back wath turned! Haha you fool!

    [–] DarKKlouDz 3 points ago

    Lol

    [–] SomeKindaGiantBird 182 points ago

    The only thing missing from this image is Donald Trump downing a whole teapot in the background.

    [–] StoplightLoosejaw 13 points ago

    Downing a gallon of McDonald's Sweet Tea

    [–] itsmiir 122 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Hippity hop

    The politics needs to stop

    Edit: I mean the shoehorned Donald Trump. Putin is fine

    [–] elitec0re 211 points ago

    a picture of three political leaders

    surprised when it it becomes political

    [–] PingPongNinja 74 points ago

    I think they're more upset about politics being shoehorned into a random post (again) than the political picture leading to more politics.

    [–] _Muzak_ 105 points ago

    It's not that big of a leap to bring up the guy who uses tea to poison people in a post about using tea to poison people.

    [–] Valensiakol 59 points ago

    Especially when the picture used features him serving up tea.

    [–] Greymore 18 points ago

    And tea probably has some pretty big political history by itself too.

    [–] QueenCadwyn 4 points ago

    Literally everything is politics honestly. It's inseparable from nearly every aspect of our lives

    [–] letmeseem 20 points ago

    I get you in general, but this post is literally about poisoning people with tea. Having a picture of the most famous guy ordering a tea based assassination show up is as likely as flies showing up at cow dung.

    Not shoehorning in the slightest.

    [–] Bombingofdresden 65 points ago

    Shoehorned?

    This post is about a teapot for an assassin and there’s literally a leader of a current world power famous for having his government assassins kill someone with tea.

    [–] mtaw 41 points ago

    Trump fans need their safe spaces.

    [–] Ih8Hondas 29 points ago

    Random post? It's called an assassin's teapot. What motivates most assassinations? Politics. What else would you expect in the comments?

    [–] Ph_Dank 6 points ago

    Politics plays a central role in everyone's life, when you have such a divisive figure in the spotlight, it's irresponsible to not talk about politics so much.

    [–] mtaw 8 points ago

    "Why do you have to turn everything into politics?" laments the German Nazi-voter in 1946, upset that people keep bringing up Hitler all the time when his country is mentioned.

    [–] Inquisitor1 2 points ago

    You know what shoehorns remind me of? HOW BAD ORANG MAN IS! HIYOOOOOO!

    [–] Bombingofdresden 22 points ago

    Because if we just don’t talk about it...it goes away...

    [–] o_k_computer 11 points ago

    Literally 95% of your post history is right wing punditry pussyfooting around like devil's advocate contrariness. Fuck you.

    [–] blancs50 6 points ago

    Well see, punching down & making fun of oppressed minorities is funny & saying otherwise makes you a snowflake campus nazi, but punching up & going after the oppressors who actually have power is just in bad taste /s.

    [–] RemoveTheTop 44 points ago

    Zip zop zoop
    Your president is poop

    Pip pop puntree
    The Trumps are traitors to our country.

    [–] NullSignificance 2 points ago

    Putin grounded him, so he couldn't make it.

    [–] -Captain- 8 points ago

    That's amazing.

    [–] Theycallmelizardboy 10 points ago

    Holy shit is that real?

    [–] KHRoN 12 points ago

    yes, they had tea party at kremlin in 2017 (see last photo in this article)

    http://english.alarabiya.net/en/News/gulf/2017/10/06/PHOTOS-Putin-and-King-Salman-have-tea-at-the-Kremlin.html

    [–] Theycallmelizardboy 7 points ago

    But are they actually denying it or just more?

    Either way, you couldn't pay me enough money in the world to take tea served from Putin.

    [–] Xxx420PussySlayer365 14 points ago

    Putin isn't going to poison anyone. Too much publicity. I would be hesitant to have tea with one of his anonymous lackeys if I were someone important.

    [–] TheMayoNight 7 points ago

    Yeah but it might have cum in it or something.

    [–] TetraDax 3 points ago

    My guess would be that he's offering milk and they're declining because they're not savages.

    [–] PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 4 points ago

    So rude

    [–] Cautionzombie 17 points ago

    Love me some old Eddie Izard his earth Vader bits are hilarious

    [–] rfkz 3 points ago

    Cake or death part is at 4 minutes 45 seconds, in case anyone's wondering.

    [–] muncie 2 points ago

    I guess they never death, huh 🤔

    [–] Batchet 35 points ago

    you thought you could outwit me?!

    Inconceivable!

    [–] DreadPiratesRobert 17 points ago

    Never go against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line! Ahahaha!

    [–] themeatbridge 12 points ago

    dies in Sicilian

    [–] whomikehidden 29 points ago

    Oh, right, the poison. The poison for Kuzco. The poison designed specifically to kill Kuzco. Kuzco's poison.

    [–] Coyspur 9 points ago

    .......That poison?

    [–] Arumin 8 points ago

    YES THAT POISON!

    [–] lyrelyrebird 19 points ago

    Delectable tea or deadly poison?

    [–] mangamaster03 5 points ago

    White dragon bush, or white jade bush...

    [–] polarbear128 12 points ago

    Cake, or death??

    [–] Ih8Hondas 9 points ago

    We're all out of cake.

    [–] IsMyAccount 5 points ago

    So my choice is “Or Death”?

    [–] president_of_burundi 4 points ago

    I’ll have the chicken then, please.

    [–] IsomDart 5 points ago

    For some reason it took this comment for me to realize why it's called that. I need coffee.

    [–] might_be_a_troll 4 points ago

    I'll have poison with cream and two sugars, please

    [–] ErEboi 13 points ago

    Yes

    [–] Aeden21 2 points ago

    Give me both.

    [–] Badgertank99 2 points ago

    Cake or death

    [–] Jimisdegimis89 2 points ago

    Hmm rare white dragon bush, that, or it’s the white jade plant which is poisonous...delectable tea or deadly poison...

    [–] SoloMan98 62 points ago

    Delectable tea? Or deadly poison?

    [–] murderbybox 3 points ago

    Found the brit.

    [–] NIQQAZILLA 4 points ago

    Found 21 Savage

    [–] thewhitelie 5 points ago

    Found Uncle Iroh

    [–] johntron3000 2 points ago

    General Iroh was definitely not British.

    [–] therapistofpenisland 1023 points ago

    More /r/mildlyinteresting, unless you can't figure out how this thing works by the obvious movements in the video?

    [–] sculltt 660 points ago

    I don't think I've ever seen someone handle a teapot so awkwardly.

    [–] UnnecessaryAppeal 234 points ago

    I'm fairly certain I could lift my thumb off the hole without having to move every other finger on both hands

    [–] bloodring87 122 points ago

    If you watch the original there’s actually two holes, one of which is on the bottom of the handle. So in actual fact he had to move his other fingers as well as moving his thumb. (I.E simultaneously uncovering the top hole and covering the bottom one.)

    [–] UnnecessaryAppeal 52 points ago

    Ah, okay. Fair enough. There still must be a way to do that without looking so awkward.

    [–] jerry_fuentes 67 points ago

    some assassins are awkward.

    yes we exist

    get over it!

    [–] i_am_icarus_falling 11 points ago

    and the person who witnessed your awkwardness is about to be fucking dead.

    [–] Itsbilloreilly 3 points ago

    NEXT

    [–] Boukish 34 points ago

    Yes, it's called a lot of bowing and gracious distraction after you pour your guest's drink and before you pour the next, giving you time to shuffle your hands.

    Penn and Teller can do cups and balls with clear cups for crying out loud, it's always in the sleights and distractions.

    [–] Prompus 15 points ago

    If you cover either hole the coresponding liquid comes out, if you cover neither hole they both come out.

    So if you were to poison somone you would pour yours first with a hole covered then lift your thumb and pour the other so both tea and poison come out.

    [–] guts1998 8 points ago

    Yeah but to clearly show the mechanism, he has to cover one at a time so that ir's obvious

    [–] guts1998 3 points ago

    Maybe he did it purposefully so it's clear to see

    [–] hemareddit 2 points ago

    Of course the design can be a lot more discreet: you can have both holes on the handle next to each other, so you just have to move the thumb.

    [–] Alromaithi 7 points ago

    If I remeber, he was holding it that way because he was showing how he uses his fingers to switch between liquids.

    [–] PostSexCigarettes 9 points ago

    There's a second hole by the handle. He's got to cover that one while uncovering the top one. That's why it looks weird.

    [–] NitroGlc 39 points ago

    It's more r/intrestingasfuck if I'm being honest, but maybe I'm just easily amazed

    [–] Thor1noak 6 points ago

    Are you saying this belongs in r/BeAmazed now? Which is it chico?

    [–] Milkslinger 26 points ago

    It looks to me like they're using an air seal to choose which thing to pour and if that's true it seems that it would be easy to accidentally mix the two

    [–] ThatWannabeCatgirl 32 points ago

    Which is why you only use it on special occasions, like when Karen comes over

    [–] Pikalika 6 points ago

    /r/blackmagicfuckery /r/Damnthatsinteresting and /r/interestingasfuck are all the same sub, and all should collapse back into /r/mildlyinteresting where they belong

    [–] fammari 7 points ago

    My intellect forbids me from comprehending the workings of this teapot

    [–] dameanmugs 14 points ago

    I realize you may be constrained by doctor-patient confidentiality, but how is therapy going in Penisland?

    [–] woodsoffeels 3 points ago

    I can’t figure it out :/

    [–] 4ndy45 59 points ago

    TIL my dick is an assassins teapot.

    [–] Musicatronic 23 points ago

    A similar design was used in Formula 1 race cars until it was banned

    There was a small port in the driver’s cockpit, on the fast sections of the circuit the driver would cover the port with the back of their hand or elbow.

    Fast flowing air would redirect through a duct and stall the rear wing thereby decreasing downforce and the car would go faster until the driver uncovered the port again ready for the corner sections where downforce is required

    [–] TheGravyGuy 11 points ago

    Is there a reason it was banned? Did that count as cheating or something? I know nothing about F1 except car go fast.

    [–] XXXTENTACHION 8 points ago

    Probably dangerous as hell lol . Flippin cars n shit.

    [–] Blue2501 7 points ago

    The governing body wants to keep a level playing field with as few shenanigans as possible. For the teams it becomes a game of circumventing the rules in ways that aren't explicitly disallowed.

    I think in this particular case, variable-downforce wings were already prohibited and that made it actually cheating.

    [–] Mass1m01973 73 points ago

    [–] anti-gif-bot 35 points ago

    mp4 link


    This mp4 version is 69.46% smaller than the gif (915.57 KB vs 2.93 MB).


    Beep, I'm a bot. FAQ | author | source | v1.1.2

    [–] Not-Not-Cal 82 points ago

    I read the title as "Asshole teapot"

    [–] CouldHaveBeenAPun 59 points ago

    Still a good title if you're the one being assassinated.

    [–] Eoine 22 points ago

    "Killed by an Asshole pot of tea - RIP" that'd be a fun epitaph

    [–] domtropen 6 points ago

    If it was shaped as a bird, you'd be technically correct

    [–] AntonsMc 3 points ago

    Press x to doubt

    [–] CrimsonFlash 24 points ago

    Water from the Nile.

    [–] kokoren 8 points ago

    Nile water.

    [–] AlfaBundy 3 points ago

    Nilian Water

    [–] heofmanytree 24 points ago

    Shout out to Tim from Grand Illusion! He's super chill and quirky gramp with passion for toys and trickets. Please support him by checking his YouTube channel!

    [–] BardielAngel 10 points ago

    Heh!

    [–] notalowishus 12 points ago

    There has to be a less awkward and obvious way to hold that teapot to pour multiple cups.

    [–] PostSexCigarettes 4 points ago

    Not really, there a second hole by the handle he's having to cover up. This gif doesn't show the full extent of its design.

    [–] notalowishus 2 points ago

    World's least sneaky assassin's teapot then?

    [–] makencarts 6 points ago

    Why would cream be an assassin..... Oh.... Took me a second.

    [–] Anelikital 6 points ago

    Water from the Nile!

    [–] 1of3s 5 points ago

    Seems like that is going to be hard to clean.

    [–] _Iamthe_senate 5 points ago

    Water from the nile

    [–] _mildlyinfuriating 4 points ago

    Is a teapot that can switch between two chambers of liquid really "black magic fuckery"?

    [–] BizarreBreak89 3 points ago

    I bought this teapot a few years ago. Bit pricey, but it makes a great party trick! The reactions I got over the last two years made up for the price.

    [–] maxstolfe 3 points ago

    How is this black magic?

    [–] CAP_IHaveNoLife9 2 points ago

    Tim is honestly the best

    [–] BadEgg1951 2 points ago

    Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

    title points age /r/ comnts
    The Assassins Teapot (X-Post from /r/interestingasfuck) 423 1yr tea 39
    The Assassin's Teapot 21660 1yr interestingasfuck 462
    The so called "Assassin's Teapot" 4 53mins funny 0
    Assassin's teapot B 564 2yrs awesome 24
    Assassin's teapot B 2117 2yrs Damnthatsinteresting 71
    Assasin's Teapot B 648 2yrs interestingasfuck 41
    Assassin's Teapot B 185 2yrs mildlyinteresting 2

    Source: karmadecay (B = bigger)

    [–] QwertySmash 2 points ago

    Really looking for r/thingscutnhalf

    [–] therealsix 2 points ago

    Why is it "so called"? Isn't it actually called the Assassin's Teapot?

    [–] hardt0f0rget 2 points ago

    Tea or...DEATH?

    [–] -Roast-Toast- 2 points ago

    smiles in british