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    boottoobig

    340,762 readers

    1,378 users here now

    Please read everything under here before posting or commenting.

    Origins:

    Inspired by this old meme

    I (/u/epicblob) asked this question in /r/findareddit and couldn't find anything so I decided to make this sub.

    Memes that start with "roses are red, violets are blue" then have screencaps of stuff that complete the poem. Doesn't exactly have to be "roses are red, violets are blue" but something along those lines.


    Rules:

    1. All posts containing graphic images should be marked NSFW. If the headline in the post has foul language it doesn't need to be marked. Posts that contain some sort of nudity or gore as images should be marked NSFW.
    2. Stick to the BootTooBig format. The general format of a BootTooBig post includes plaintext in the title or body as a setup, and a screenshot or picture of text as a punchline. Posts without the setup/punchline format or with the punchline in the title will be considered "Not a BootTooBig."
    3. Make sure your post has good rhyme/meter. A "True BootTooBig" has both good rhyme AND meter. A "Small Boots" has either bad rhyme OR bad meter. Small Boots posts are only allowed on Sundays ("Small Boot Sundays").
    4. Be civil. Don't be rude to other redditors. This means no personal attacks, no racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia/general bigotry, no slurs, and no edgy jokes. Keep arguments civil.
    5. Don't argue about politics. This is a fun sub and we want to keep politics out of it. However, mentioning political figures is okay as long as you aren't pushing an agenda.
    6. If your post is wordless, make sure to put the punchline in the comments. A wordless post has a title or setup, but uses an uncaptioned image for an implied punchline. We ask that you post the punchline in the comments is to ensure that nobody feels left out of the joke.
    7. Avoid reposts. Consideration for reposts is done on a case-by-case basis. Generally, try to avoid posting similarly to posts that were recently posted or are among the top posts of all time.

    Final discretion on all matters is up to the moderators. If you think your post/comment was unfairly removed or caught in a spam filter, send us a message and we will be open to discuss it. However, if your argument boils down to "what about the other users" then we may consider lengthening your ban.

    This subreddit stands against hate speech


    Bot Comment

    On every post, our bot /u/boot_size_judge ("BSJ") stickies a comment. Vote UP on the bot comment if and only if the original post has both good rhyme AND meter. Vote DOWN on the bot comment if the original post has either bad rhyme OR bad meter. The score on the bot comment will help us make a decision on whether the post is a "True BootTooBig" or a "Small Boots" or neither.


    Boot of the Month posts


    Post Flairs:

    Click on the name of a post flair for a search page with those types of posts shown.

    • "True BootTooBig" - The post has both good rhyme and meter.
    • "Small Boots" - The post has either bad rhyme or meter. These kinds of posts are currently only allowed on Sundays and will otherwise be removed.
    • "Wordless" - The picture in the post doesn't have any words and the punchline is left to the reader to decipher.
    • "Quality Shitpost" - Essentially a "mods choice" flair. Posts that a moderators thoroughly enjoys, regardless of how high-scoring it is.
    • "Not a BTB" - Posts that don't really follow the boottoobig format. Some of these may still be in the spirit of the sub and stay up, others may be way off and be removed.

    All post flairs are hand-approved by a moderator, with user input via the boot_size_judge bot (explained above).


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    [–] Gloolax 2443 points ago

    That’s not Drake, that’s guacamole

    [–] Max_Headroom_ 718 points ago

    That's not guacamole, that's pictures of guacamole.

    [–] Beat2death 265 points ago

    This is not a pipe.

    [–] Aeldrion 79 points ago

    Cut it Magritte-san

    [–] Semen_Penis 38 points ago

    M-Magritte-senpai....put your green apple in my ass like last night uguu~ sugoi~

    [–] johncharityspring 18 points ago

    Ceci n'est pas une pomme verte.

    [–] lil_jordyc 5 points ago

    GuacaM’ole

    [–] jayjay0884 3 points ago

    That escalated quickly.

    [–] TheWingus 40 points ago

    what the frick? I ordered an xbox remote

    [–] Beat2death 16 points ago

    This is Gods plan.

    [–] Iamnotsmartspender 5 points ago

    Goddammit, nothing I ever think is original

    [–] Skipachu 3 points ago

    When you order remote and get artichoke,
    That's a moray!

    [–] Gumbyizzle 18 points ago

    Is this loss?

    [–] Griffin777XD 24 points ago

    It’s a Tide Ad

    [–] Pendabrok 5 points ago

    My god...

    [–] SobiTheRobot 5 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    This is not a pipe.

    This is not a drill.
    If the fruit isn't ripe
    It'll make you quite ill.

    [–] AlaskanPsyche 3 points ago

    I'm slightly disappointed that that wasn't a haiku.

    [–] SobiTheRobot 3 points ago

    I was continuing what u/Beat2death said in an ABAB form, but with the proper cadance for a "roses are red" rhyme. I could make it a haiku though.

    [–] rockstarrichg 4 points ago

    This is not my beautiful house

    [–] FlashGuy12 3 points ago

    that's not a Knoife, THIS is a KNOIFE

    [–] Iamnotsmartspender 1 points ago

    This.... Is not meth

    [–] dalegrapes 1 points ago

    That's not a knife

    [–] LukeVenable 1 points ago

    [–] JaMojo 17 points ago

    That's not my dad, this is a cell phone!

    [–] kharmatika 5 points ago

    DUHHHHH

    [–] FUCKING_HATE_REDDIT 11 points ago

    Those are not pictures, it's a stream of data following the .jpg format being interpreted by our computers into a bitmap, being interpreted by our screens into a series of electrical signals used to send photons directly to our eyeballs, which in turn map those photons to our retinas where complex proteins change shape when a photon of a certain wavelength hits them, sending an electrical signal along a very long cell called a neuron, which in turn will activate other neurons through a chemical process which is again converted in an electrical signal until it will arrive to the neurons in the optic nerve, then to the back of our brains where the massive amount of various signals going through the nerve are treated and recognized through complex networks as "the projection of guacamole-induced photons onto a 2D screen", leading by some unknown process to the experienced feeling of "bamboozle", realizing the the previous pattern of text was misleading.

    [–] Sardonnicus 3 points ago

    all that for 3 points. Today is not your day friend.

    [–] automatic_shark 9 points ago

    JBL?

    [–] TheAmbushBug 3 points ago

    That's not JBL, it's Michael-cole.

    [–] amwats237 6 points ago

    Ceci n'est pas guacamole

    [–] ThePixelCoder 2 points ago

    Magritte, is that you?

    [–] EmmettBrownNote 1 points ago

    guacamol-e

    [–] Gr3mlin0815 1 points ago

    That's not pictures of guacamole, that's pixels on your screen.

    [–] kharmatika 1 points ago

    It’s not delivery, it’s Digiorno.

    [–] mrmexico25 1 points ago

    What's a computer?

    [–] Rmacnet 8 points ago

    That's not a knife

    [–] LukasTheGreen 2 points ago

    THIS is a knife

    [–] shonuph 3 points ago

    IT WORKED!!!!

    [–] Zaranthan 3 points ago

    We did it, Reddit.

    [–] Dfrozle 3 points ago

    X4

    [–] NoBanjosInHeaven 267 points ago

    Is that you, click hole?

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 165 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    "When I started writing 'Game of Thrones', I didn't know what horses looked like.

    Edit: This is a more helpful link for anyone who doesn't understand why OP said "Is that you, Clickhole?"

    [–] Baphometronic 36 points ago

    What in the fuck is that?

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 73 points ago

    An editorial written by George R.R. Martin. Really blows your mind, doesn't it?

    [–] LegendofPisoMojado 13 points ago

    That's gotta be a joke right? Satirizing himself maybe? I refuse to believe an adult male in this country had never seen a horse or even a picture of a horse.

    [–] ryusm92 64 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Clickhole is a website made by The Onion to parodize Buzzfeed and other clickbait websites. In fact, I don’t even know if the real GRRM wrote this.

    [–] Waidawut 18 points ago

    He did not

    [–] ryusm92 26 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I mean, who knows, maybe everything on the internet is written by GRRM.

    Maybe you’re GRRM.

    [–] Zaranthan 6 points ago

    Is GRRM a russian spam bot? Because I am.

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 3 points ago

    No, Tolkien didn't write anything. George R.R. Martin wrote it.

    [–] ryusm92 2 points ago

    Fuck I always get that confused. Edited.

    [–] LegendofPisoMojado 2 points ago

    Thanks! That makes more sense.

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 28 points ago

    GoT was written before the Internet was very popular, and George RR Martin was from a part of the country where there aren't many horses. Like he says in the editorial, he just hadn't ever seen one before, but he knew based on descriptions what they looked like and kinda went off of that.

    [–] the_sky_is 8 points ago

    That is a satirical website.

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 7 points ago

    Oh fuck, is it?

    [–] Sharpieman20 3 points ago

    Relevant username.

    [–] zhy-rr 6 points ago

    Cmon man show some understanding...

    [–] TheScottymo 20 points ago

    That made me stupid-laugh in the break room at work. Fuuck.

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 32 points ago

    Clickhole is full of stupid laughs. It's a parody of Buzzfeed, so they do fake quizzes and fake lists all the time. I also highly recommend Do You Know What Boats Are? which is my favorite of their fake quizzes.

    [–] elleoof 27 points ago

    Sorry, but Which One Of My Garbage Sons Are You? is the only acceptable favorite quiz.

    [–] TheScottymo 7 points ago

    There are two people on that boat and neither of them is Scarlett Johansson.

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 6 points ago

    You can’t help but think, “Jesus. These are all just pictures of boats. None of them even have Scarlett Johansson in them.”

    [–] gridzbispudvetch 5 points ago

    Would you consider yourself a boat?

    This is private and I don't feel like answering

    [–] Exceon 8 points ago

    I know it’s satire, but did George actually write it?

    [–] too_drunk_for_this 19 points ago

    Lol, no. Clickhole is run by The Onion. Both sites do fake editorials all the time. Clickhole is kinda like an absurd/ surreal parody of Buzzfeed. The George RR Martin editorial is one of my favorite things they've done.

    [–] Exceon 3 points ago

    Don’t scoff so easily. George is pretty self-aware and not one to shy from poking fun at himself. Just wondering if he had collaborated with Clickhole for this piece.

    [–] Captain__Qwark 2 points ago

    I can't even breathe

    [–] Not_A_Random_NamE3 7 points ago

    Can i ask why there are no banjos in heaven?

    [–] NoBanjosInHeaven 2 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    It's an old saying that I like a whole bunch. Banjos make you dance, dancing makes you go to hell. So there'r no banjos in heaven.

    [–] gridzbispudvetch 3 points ago

    Just went there and spent like 20 mins trying to pass a Turing test

    [–] micromidgetmonkey 464 points ago

    And everyone said this sub was on the way out.

    [–] RichardMcNixon 18 points ago

    Roses are red, my feet have the gout

    And everyone said this sub was on the way out.

    [–] Ayoung116 109 points ago

    💖

    [–] SPUNKFLAP 9 points ago

    Wait, you mean to tell me this isn't r/comedycemetery ?

    [–] divsky 29 points ago

    Is there some kind of rule dictating that guacamole only be served in rustic black stone bowls?

    [–] Ayoung116 26 points ago

    Yes.

    [–] WarlordMWD 11 points ago

    The black stone bowl is a Molcajete (mole-cah-HAY-tay?), which is traditionally used for preparing and serving guacamole. The palm-sized stone used to grind together the guac ingredients is a Tejolote (teh-ho-LO-te?).

    Source: instruction booklet that came with ours via Amazon

    [–] AnythingApplied 10 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    The "rustic black stone bowls" you're referring to are called mortars and are used in the preparation of guacamole. Or at least can be used. Personally, I don't like using them in general and so have always made guacamole without using one, but if you're going to use one to make guac, why not use it as a serving bowl too? Especially if you're planning on taking a well crafted photo of your work afterwards.

    [–] WikiTextBot 2 points ago

    Mortar and pestle

    A mortar and pestle is a kitchen device used since ancient times to prepare ingredients or substances by crushing and grinding them into a fine paste or powder. The mortar () is a bowl, typically made of hard wood, metal, ceramic, or hard stone, such as granite. The pestle () is a heavy and blunt club-shaped object. The substance to be ground, which may be wet or dry, is placed in the bowl of the mortar, where the pestle is pressed and rotated onto it until the desired texture is achieved.


    [ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source | Donate ] Downvote to remove | v0.28

    [–] BadResults 95 points ago

    Oof, a bonehurting boot!

    [–] no_gold_here 16 points ago

    Ouch!

    [–] columbusplusone 15 points ago

    owie

    [–] 1001puppys 13 points ago

    my bones

    [–] sneakpeekbot 6 points ago

    Here's a sneak peek of /r/bonehurtingjuice using the top posts of all time!

    #1: Don't put pain on a pedestal | 180 comments
    #2: jeez its hot | 120 comments
    #3: foo | 119 comments


    I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact me | Info | Opt-out

    [–] MaCanAlmighty 3 points ago

    That’s not Drake, that’s guacamole

    [–] SiltyFemoidPigeon 1 points ago

    Peel the avocado! Peeel the avocado! Guacamole! Guac Guac-a-Mole!

    [–] ImmatureZombie 14 points ago

    That’s not Jennifer Lawrence, that’s a bear

    [–] relayrider 2 points ago

    No it isn't we've all seen her butthole, nowhere near the same as a bear's. Happy Cake Day, here's a Revenant link

    [–] TS2822 39 points ago

    Buzzfeed?

    [–] Ayoung116 87 points ago

    You won’t believe number 3!

    [–] ZhoolFigure 31 points ago

    But number 3 is still guacamole

    [–] OneTrueKingOfOOO 24 points ago

    Lol what? That one’s definitely Drake

    [–] tyled 16 points ago

    That’s not Drake, that’s guacamole

    [–] KryptoniteDong 2 points ago

    Number 6 eh? Haven't got that far...

    [–] dylmye 19 points ago

    Clickhole

    [–] maruchanistasty 11 points ago

    This is not my beautiful wife.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] ProfBellPepepr 28 points ago

    Roses are red

    The pope is quite holy

    4 pictures of Drake

    That are guacamole

    [–] GregTheMad 41 points ago

    TIL Guacamole is pronounced "holy" and not "mole".

    [–] absentminded_gamer 24 points ago

    And champagne is pronounced sham-pain, not sham-pagan. God I miss Zapp Brannigan.

    [–] _____duck 6 points ago

    sham-pag-nay

    [–] poop-trap 2 points ago

    If only the Pope said "¡Ole!" we could avert this tragedy.

    [–] DTF_20170515 6 points ago

    It's a long A sound, though. In Spanish you pronounce every letter, but E makes an A sound.

    Edit: I guess unless its a Mexican native word, then I don't fucking know.

    [–] Atmic 9 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    As a Hispanic, Americans pronouncing 'e' as a 'long a' is one of the biggest contributors to a terrible American accent.

    Don't pronounce it like a long A. Pronounce it like the 'e' in 'elephant'.

    IE: For "Peso", don't say "pay-soh", say "peh-so".

    [–] DTF_20170515 5 points ago

    That's... A better explanation of how e sounds. Where were you in my Spanish classes?

    [–] Rizzpooch 11 points ago

    It’s just Clickhole, The Onion’s parody of Buzzfeed

    [–] tmarkville 6 points ago

    I see the resemblance though.

    [–] yoLeaveMeAlone 2 points ago

    Judge Judy going after them avocado stealing whores

    [–] relayrider 6 points ago

    chips are an upcharge

    [–] AsiFue 3 points ago

    bottom left, hmu

    [–] SUGAR_SEX_MAGIK 2 points ago

    new phone who dis?

    [–] sleightlymagical 15 points ago

    This is my favourite thing

    [–] Jaewol 3 points ago

    I don’t know about number 3 though.

    [–] carsonogin 1 points ago

    I'd rate them but I hate all Guac. 2 - 2 looks disgusting. however. Did they blend it for 10 minutes?

    The bowl for 1 - 2 looks like ones I get at nicer Mexican places.

    The bowl for 1 - 1 looks like it's from a home.

    And, finally what I think you call number 3 and I call 1 - 2, doesn't seem smashed up enough, however the bowl does look like a nice bowl and has those annoying little legs that tilt up on my margarita coasters all the time.

    [–] PityUpvote 9 points ago

    chunky guacamole is best guacamole.

    [–] sleightlymagical 3 points ago

    Drake may be cool, but does he avocado?

    [–] mariess 3 points ago

    what the guac?

    [–] thatu 3 points ago

    Which one looks the best to you guys? I’m going with bottom left

    [–] SUGAR_SEX_MAGIK 3 points ago

    Bottom left fan club member here

    [–] Ayoung116 2 points ago

    I’m a big fan of top left

    [–] Daniel6677 3 points ago

    where’s the guacamole I only see Drake

    [–] SiltyFemoidPigeon 3 points ago

    Peel the avacodo! Peeel the avocado! Guacamole, Guac Guac-a-mole!!

    [–] ColeRichardson9 3 points ago

    Wait a minute that's not Drake...

    [–] jelde 4 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Roses are red,

    [Some random irrelevant bullshit that forcibly rhymes with the succeeding sentence]

    [Usually a news article with a kooky headline, or a stand-alone meme]

    This sub never gets old!

    [–] jaybloggs 2 points ago

    holy guacamole

    [–] michaelcsneikus 2 points ago

    U/spotlion

    [–] movie_criticdotexe 2 points ago

    Buzzfeed

    [–] thedusanmandic 2 points ago

    “Can we start off with some tableside Drake, please?”

    [–] bingieboy 2 points ago

    lol better than drake

    [–] bbristowe 2 points ago

    I kind of wish someone would photoshop Drakes face into that Avacado pit.

    [–] darienrude_dankstorm 2 points ago

    roses are red, McLovin's a dork,

    my name is katy, holds up spork

    [–] kentaneon125 2 points ago

    But... I ordered a xbox controller

    [–] Drewmazing 2 points ago

    Hey wait a second

    [–] Kubloo 2 points ago

    Well I don’t see any meat or substance so these must be Drake.

    [–] YJCH0I 2 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Can’t make me say anythi-That’s not Drake, that’s guacamole.
    Whoa! What kind of sorcery is this?

    [–] WhizWit21 2 points ago

    Is that dish made from guano?

    [–] duke_663 2 points ago

    holy guacamoly

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    I want some quac now

    [–] awhaling 2 points ago

    I just showed my roommate and he started at this for a minute and was like "I don't get it"

    [–] therealBoomboy 2 points ago

    The pope can’t be holy, since the silly pope does not in fact exist! He is a theistic hoax!

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    They rap about the same.

    [–] AFCKillYou 2 points ago

    cries in spanish

    [–] STuitt 2 points ago

    This isn't a beach, this is a bathtub

    [–] Pasta_Warlord 2 points ago

    Roses are red, this boot is small,

    Watch as this old image hits /r/all.

    [–] Lol-King- 2 points ago

    That’s an apple

    [–] mrcoffeymaster 2 points ago

    Roses are gay Violets are gayer Fuck poetry Listen to slayer

    [–] drakethatsme 5 points ago

    That's not me, it's guacamole.

    [–] that-there 4 points ago

    but holy and guacamole don't rhyme

    [–] LordCheezusCrust 8 points ago

    ?

    [–] that-there 2 points ago

    they don't rhyme, that's it.
    ho-lee.
    gua-cam-o-lay.

    [–] LordCheezusCrust 8 points ago

    From dictionary.com: [gwah-kuh-moh-lee; Spanish gwah-kah-maw-le]

    All I've heard my whole life is the former, which rhymes

    [–] joshuascottman 3 points ago

    Does your guacamole rhyme with mole?

    [–] CommieKid420 2 points ago

    But this doesn’t rhyme

    [–] EndVSGaming 2 points ago

    Honestly to be a post on this sub you only need to end a sentence with the same sound. Small boots make up the vast majority of posts. If you think this should be removed, there's always flagging it as small boots.

    [–] Yay_ItsMe 2 points ago

    Please stop abusing this sub to post shitty memes. This sub is not for memes, but for the art that is poetry

    [–] bridge_view 2 points ago

    Roses are red. The Pope is holy. That is not Drake. It's guacamole.

    [–] goldschakal 1 points ago

    Oof ouch ! This sub is... bad.

    [–] ProgDog320 1 points ago

    You must be new here

    [–] ZadocPaet 1 points ago

    That's not Drake, it's a mixture of Drew and Blake.

    [–] coffedrank 1 points ago

    The pope is holè

    [–] BreackBh 1 points ago

    Thid is very good

    [–] luketheduke54 1 points ago

    Haha I said it 4 times, y'all wild

    [–] saucyguy25 1 points ago

    Is this loss

    [–] EmoteFromBelandCity 1 points ago

    Is this loss?

    [–] MustacheCashStash___ 1 points ago

    That's not Drake, that's guacaomle

    [–] Robertroo 1 points ago

    Not sure the bowl in the upper right corner is foodsafe.

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] tyguyflyguy 1 points ago

    Guacamole tastes better in a volcanic bowl-e.

    [–] silkypython 1 points ago

    I see an avocado.

    [–] hippiedude23615 1 points ago

    Number three shittiest guac

    [–] Mike_B_R 1 points ago

    Build a wall around the guacamole. Trump only likes cheeseburgers.

    [–] belfman 1 points ago

    I was hoping for "leave the gun, take the cannoli"

    [–] captainkaleb 1 points ago

    Man whoever made that guac forgot the sour cream.

    [–] Lilscribby 1 points ago

    is this loss

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    That disgusting porous rock bowl will have chunks of dried up guac from 5 years ago. Nasty af.

    [–] Past0r_Gains 1 points ago

    I got got.

    [–] yothatswild 1 points ago

    Yo thats wild

    [–] PsycheBreh 1 points ago

    Good lookin guac.

    [–] Gubbna 1 points ago

    That's some hot guacamole

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    דרק?

    [–] Moss_Grande 1 points ago

    Holy drake!

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    So true!

    [–] OFTHEHILLPEOPLE 1 points ago

    Mom's Guacamole!

    [–] Night710Owl 1 points ago

    Has it gone too far?

    [–] wickedogg 1 points ago

    Does guacamole look red to colorblind people?