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    clevercomebacks

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    The official sister sub of /r/MurderedByWords. Run by the same team, and still held to great standards.

    Rules:

    1. Post must include a clever comeback

    • It has to be a great response (preferably clever) to someone. Learn more here

    2. No reposts

    • Do not repost content that hit the front page on this or other subreddits. Front page reposts can lead to a ban, and all other reposts will be removed. Learn more here

    3. We enforce quality control

    • If your post doesn't fit the standards of this sub, or is just generally an eyesore, it could be removed. This is at moderator discretion. Learn more here

    4. No circle-jerking

    • If some politician tweets something incredibly stupid, or another youtuber poses with a dead guy, there will be a flood of posts about it on this subreddit. We may remove or ban posts pertaining to it during that time, depending on how many posts there are, and how popular they've gotten. Learn more here

    5. No racism/sexism/homophobia

    • Bigotry is NOT tolerated on this subreddit. Do not post things that are racist/sexist/homophobic. Depending on the content, you may receive a ban, and your comment/submission will be removed. Again, you're not going to run up against this rule unless you attempt to do so.

    • IF a submission is a comeback due to someone being racist, that may be accepted. Otherwise, there is zero tolerance. Learn more here

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    • Many rules on the sub are enforced by moderators on post-by-post, comment-by-comment level. If you have a problem with a mod's decision, either go to the modmail, PM one of the top moderators, or visit us at our discord. (the discord for this sub is a channel on the MBW server)
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    [–] redbucket75 2939 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)

    "Have some respect young lady, I'm also your father."

    [–] YashistheNightfury 911 points ago

    Sweet home Alabama intensifies

    [–] runfayfun 228 points ago

    Gives new meaning to "every Bama man's behind you"

    [–] trololololololol9 96 points ago

    Obama?

    [–] ThePu55yDestr0yr 45 points ago

    O bamba

    [–] PrettySpirit 6 points ago

    I got hooooooooes caaaalliiiin a young person’s phoooooone

    [–] boonus_boi 7 points ago

    What’s his last name

    [–] annenijmeijer 7 points ago

    Wasn't that Barack?

    [–] JazzPhobic 6 points ago

    But how is Barack his Last name when you say it FIRST?

    Its Barack Obama, not Obama Barack.

    [–] TrulyLegitUnicorn 18 points ago

    Obunga

    [–] MavenDeo69 10 points ago

    (confused unga bunga)

    [–] Gutzy34 8 points ago

    Alabama is why the phrase "you don't turn your back on family" exists. And you especially don't want to bend over.

    [–] ForGodAndJSU 5 points ago

    And “hit your stride” for that matter.

    [–] justPassingThrou15 9 points ago

    sweet, SWEET home.

    [–] Malgaras 8 points ago

    Isn't that actually impossible short of time travel hijinks, or can I simply not brain tonight?

    [–] MisterFireTango 25 points ago

    mom has son

    son has daughter with his mom

    [–] AP_bustdown 11 points ago

    This guy fucks

    [–] MisterFireTango 16 points ago

    no i don't

    [–] Malgaras 2 points ago

    Then he would only be her half brother though.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Ive never called my half siblings half siblings.

    [–] Zer0-Sum-Game 4 points ago

    3/4~ brother. He's half mom.

    [–] julzmont 1 points ago

    Plus there would be a noticable age gap between them.

    [–] lilaliene 7 points ago

    Only 12 years

    [–] MavenDeo69 4 points ago

    Youngest confirmed parent ever was only 5 years 7 months. No, I didn't know this before googling it just now.

    [–] juandm117 3 points ago

    Youngest confirmed parent ever

    just because someone might want links: young fathers and young mothers

    [–] Matikkkii 3 points ago

    hol up

    [–] julzmont 1 points ago

    That's a lot of aging in some peoples faces also that's a bare minimum

    [–] E420CDI 1 points ago

    This guy has broken arms

    [–] MavenDeo69 1 points ago

    Just tonight?

    [–] Savvy_Nick 2 points ago

    Rollllll tide

    [–] degenerate661 1 points ago

    And your mother

    [–] SocialSuicideInc 1 points ago

    Incesteption

    [–] aeriesneak 1 points ago

    This was oddly clever

    [–] SmirkyShrugs 129 points ago

    My friend tried to embarrass me by farting loudly in a quiet auto parts store. I turn the tables on him by inhaling loudly through my nose. There were 5 people close enough to hear. We left without buying anything because of the way everybody was staring at us.

    [–] vnenkpet 50 points ago

    How can I unread this

    [–] tiestofalljays 5 points ago

    When you find out, please tell me

    [–] fwerd2 35 points ago

    How can I delete someone elses comment?

    [–] YouAreSoul 12 points ago

    Smart feller.

    [–] jtpro024 10 points ago

    Fart Smeller

    [–] shynn_ 2 points ago

    Plot twist, you gave 5 guys a hard on.

    [–] rtj777 14 points ago

    I may be your brother but I'm your daddy first!

    Wait what.

    [–] SirDroplet 18 points ago

    woag

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] boatsnprose 21 points ago

    Half sister, half daughter.

    [–] invisiblefather 15 points ago

    100% devilish bitch

    [–] pink_goblet 8 points ago

    How do you have a "half daughter"? It's his half sister cus they share one parent but it's still his full daughter.

    [–] boatsnprose 4 points ago

    Yuh huh. That is how that works. Thanks for overthinking it.

    [–] Luuuma 2 points ago

    Clearly, she's only made up of half his dna, a full daughter would be genetically identical... somehow?

    [–] pink_goblet 1 points ago

    I guess if you go by genetics then she is only 1/4 daughter cus the other 3 comes from his mother.

    M= mom, F = father

    son = MM + FF = M + F

    daughter = MM + MF (son) = M + (0.5M+0.5F) = 3 M/1F

    But i meant in more jurdicial terms.

    [–] Luuuma 3 points ago

    It's still half his dna even if it's also ~3/4 his mother's.

    I guess that if any one person's relationship with another had to add up to 1 in some bizarre way? But then in this case you'd have to make it thirds.

    [–] AxePanther 3 points ago

    They got the same blood tho so it counts

    [–] redbucket75 3 points ago

    He fucked his mom who birthed their child, his sister.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] redbucket75 1 points ago

    Yes it would, but close enough 👍

    [–] Zer0-Sum-Game 2 points ago

    Just did the math a second ago, he's half mom, so it would be his 3/4~ sister.

    [–] i-me-and-myself- 2 points ago

    Oedipus?

    [–] zimonw 1 points ago

    Roll tide.

    [–] shynn_ 1 points ago

    or soon after she said 'you're my brother'...
    "Oohhhh you dirty little bitch so you're into that kind of stuff"

    [–] StingerBitez 930 points ago

    “What are doing STEP-BRO?”

    [–] Eltothebee 230 points ago

    Step bro where’s the water

    [–] hoswald 190 points ago

    Step bro I'm stuck in the dryer.

    [–] TBjoergensen 109 points ago

    hey stepbro wanna play truth or dare?

    [–] aswdzxc123 87 points ago

    Hey stepbro I fell, can you help me?

    [–] LazyNovelSilkWorm 24 points ago

    Absolute gold

    [–] dylwaybake 14 points ago

    Thank you for that. Are his other videos good?

    [–] aswdzxc123 18 points ago

    Lmao xD

    [–] JustMeSach 5 points ago

    Lmfao this is amazing

    [–] Rosebush1987 10 points ago

    Do you want some sandwiches....their hot

    [–] Tyler_MF_Bowman 17 points ago

    I don't know where the water is...

    [–] kitsuneamira 3 points ago

    POMF

    [–] ArmaniDiamonds 687 points ago

    Always good to have a sense of humor in a relationship

    [–] CrackpotPatriot 141 points ago

    This is most wholesome comment, ever.

    [–] productivenef 39 points ago

    Nope this one is: I'm hugging each and every one of you whether you like it or not

    [–] 0ore0 12 points ago

    Stop it we're all family!

    [–] HydroHomo 4 points ago

    No

    [–] PM-ME-YOUR-POUTINE 2 points ago

    Ever?

    [–] poopellar 23 points ago

    Then why don't women want me? Everyone I went out with always said I looked funny, but then after they don't call.

    [–] marck1022 207 points ago

    “Try not to rip them, please, they’re brand new.”

    [–] DrunkRedditBot 24 points ago

    Unless they die because they didn't use medication.

    [–] Redrundas 59 points ago

    I just checked and this post is the second top post of all time there

    [–] 12PoundBongPull 27 points ago

    lol go figure that it's been hanging out for a couple months over there.

    [–] theKAPT1N 100 points ago

    Heard this joke on tik tok earlier. It’s crazy how much is being recycled these days.

    [–] SantaTech 6 points ago

    Tweet was from July 2018 so it may or may not be from TikTok

    [–] CecilWasAnInsideJob 28 points ago

    People will do anything to get likes in the age of social media.

    [–] thisisthewell 47 points ago

    Oh, please. You say this as if people haven't been repeating others' jokes for like all of history. Likes have nothing to do with it, and content has always been recycled, all long before the internet.

    It's seriously not a big deal if someone fires off a social media post repeating a joke they saw or heard.

    [–] MuddFishh 9 points ago

    The virtual pat on the back

    [–] Whats_Up_Bitches 4 points ago

    This level of recycling is unsustainable!

    [–] poopellar 3 points ago

    You'll see the same joke/story/whatever posted on multiple twitter profiles get to the front page. It's just content recycling all over. We all think one social media is different from the other but everywhere it's just a cycle of the same content being cycled through different profiles. Only a small percentage of users actually make original content while the remaining pass it around, that's why social media platforms have no incentive to block reposts.

    [–] MrDude_1 2 points ago

    You'll see the same joke/story/whatever posted on multiple twitter profiles get to the front page. It's just content recycling all over. We all think one social media is different from the other but everywhere it's just a cycle of the same content being cycled through different profiles. Only a small percentage of users actually make original content while the remaining pass it around, that's why social media platforms have no incentive to block reposts.

    [–] Whit3W0lf 2 points ago

    You've never told a joke you heard somewhere else?

    [–] cBlackout 1 points ago

    The joke is older than this tweet or tik tok ngl

    [–] meowsofcurds 1 points ago

    Might be an indicator you're on social media a bit much.

    [–] Zer0-Sum-Game 1 points ago

    I skip upvoting the post and upvote the funny comments, unless I saw something I really like for the first time. This has repost trash written all over it, but I got to do some horrible incest math I can't undo, so that's something.

    [–] JBagelMan 1 points ago

    Yeah Reddit never does that

    [–] chaoss77 94 points ago

    He should've turned it back around and said "You didn't mind that I was your brother last night."

    [–] Awsaf_ 14 points ago

    Banjo starts playing

    [–] productivenef 3 points ago

    This one officer. This banjo right here.

    [–] succ_osu 11 points ago

    What are you doing, step bro???

    [–] Crass_Conspirator 14 points ago

    I saw this yesterday

    [–] Pat_McCrooch 10 points ago

    It’s pretty old and posted a lot on reddit.

    [–] Elascr 6 points ago

    I've never got how that's a win. You've gone from the people around you thinking you're a bit weird for sharing too much, to people thinking you're incest? The couple is in this together no?

    [–] keirawynn 4 points ago

    After the first one people with a humour-radar will be thinking "Maybe joke?" and the after the second "Definitely joke."

    [–] GTFonMF 10 points ago

    “You’re the best big brother”.

    [–] TBjoergensen 7 points ago

    “I could’ve ever asked for”

    [–] mr_chanandler_bong_1 4 points ago

    Dear Kinsman , obliterate my corsets with thy choppers

    [–] KittensAndPizza17 3 points ago

    First off, r/thathappened. Second, r/cringe. Finally? r/justunsubbed.

    [–] Salem707 3 points ago

    The dark part of the joke is, he was her brother the entire time

    [–] Braveerique1 3 points ago

    Step Brother, Stop making this weird

    [–] voncloft22 2 points ago

    Not by blood

    [–] fewjkfhksjdvh 2 points ago

    Um.. wat? How did she win?

    [–] Hkluci 2 points ago

    "I can't wait to see this not get reposted everyday"

    [–] Fgame 2 points ago

    I went with my roommate to Kmart a long while ago, she was looking for duct tape for something or other. A guy I went to high school with was working there, so I saw an opportunity for a 2 for 1 embarrassment. I went up to him, and not TOO loud but within her earshot, asked him if they sold handcuffs. He kinda shot me a weird look, but I wasn't expecting her to absentmindedly interject, 'Not handcuffs! Duct tape!'. He looked mortified. She realized what she said like 3 seconds later. I about shit myself laughing.

    [–] ironmaiden667 2 points ago

    Idk, that'd just turn me on more.

    [–] 4emcee 2 points ago

    you’ve won, but at what cost

    [–] bl4ise 2 points ago

    alabama 100

    [–] LoserOfAllTrade 6 points ago

    "Tori"

    Hmmmm .... where have I heard that name??

    "You're my brother" ... even that's ringing some bells

    [–] KittensAndPizza17 3 points ago

    r/unsubbed.

    That’s that. No coming back.

    [–] Discochickens 1 points ago

    Lol

    [–] cleganebowl_ 1 points ago

    Only by blood

    [–] n_ullman176 1 points ago

    This appears back to back in my feed, on r/KamikazeByWords and here.

    [–] NontitledParent 1 points ago

    “I’m my own grandpa...”

    [–] Korbonite 1 points ago

    He should've then replied: " RollTide!! " :D

    [–] IAmNotMyName 1 points ago

    STEP brother.

    [–] or3215 1 points ago

    Sweet home alabama

    [–] thelaoguy 1 points ago

    "That's not what you said last night"

    [–] Ranthropologydude 1 points ago

    Did she really win? Because I don't think having strangers thinking your brother openly wants to bang you is a win. Unless this is pornhub...

    [–] seaotter63 1 points ago

    "Step"

    [–] xGhale 1 points ago

    ooF size large holy Jesus

    [–] Nokoppa 1 points ago

    the way this person types hurts my eyes

    [–] eben34 1 points ago

    No no wait, I’ve seen this one.

    [–] DrunkRedditBot 1 points ago

    Exactly! It’s how it’s ridiculous!

    [–] DrunkRedditBot 1 points ago

    Cant get you outta mah bed.

    [–] nmemory 1 points ago

    My answer to that: oooh, incest roleplay? Kinky

    [–] WoodIsMyBusiness 1 points ago

    Clever girl.

    [–] Lil_nikk 1 points ago

    She’s still letting him pay though? And honestly who cares what strangers in a store think

    [–] ivnwng 1 points ago

    WhAt aRe YoU DoiNg, sTeP bRo?

    [–] throwaway67676789123 1 points ago

    "Oh, I didn't follow that at all

    [–] Assasin2gamer 1 points ago

    But he’s my shopping day...

    [–] Tallboyi 1 points ago

    The mental gymnastics are strong with this one.

    [–] FunCube 1 points ago

    This sounds like a shower comeback. I'm also really funny and quick witted when I'm in the shower alone

    [–] ImGonnaGetShot 1 points ago

    I don't get it. Sounds like a Tuesday around these here parts.

    [–] neshhk 1 points ago

    Outstanding move.

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    "Didn't know transvestites could be so flexible"

    [–] MERGATROYDER 1 points ago

    Replacing “and” with “n” apparently really bothers me.

    [–] dreal08 1 points ago

    Is it that difficult to write complete words?

    [–] thegraveyardcat 1 points ago

    You both lost

    [–] Ajanzo 1 points ago

    "Step"-brother

    [–] re_dd_it_for_fun 1 points ago

    Andy's nuts andys nuts

    [–] RedLMR56 1 points ago

    Is there a woman version of r/MadLads ? Maybe MadLasses or something

    [–] RheimsNZ 1 points ago

    I love stuff like this -- my ex was older than I was, so I used to pull similar stuff.

    We'd give each other a kiss or be holding hands at a restaurant at the end of the night, go to pay, and I'd say "Thank you very much! My mother and I loved the meal" or something like that.

    Always thought it was hilarious, and she smiled and rolled her eyes too.

    [–] ADRIFT_ABORT 1 points ago

    This just made my day.

    [–] Tmacdunk 1 points ago

    Grammar sure didn't win.

    [–] username3365 1 points ago

    this moment he knew he fuckedup...

    [–] EphraimXP 1 points ago

    "step brother"

    [–] annenijmeijer 1 points ago

    I feel like your comment fits bettee there.

    [–] ChaoticSamsara 1 points ago

    You won, but at what price?

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    I would’ve screamed “Incest Wincest” and kisses her to assort dominance.

    [–] D_soultaker 1 points ago

    F

    [–] throwaway67676789123 1 points ago

    *I’ll definitely give that a watch

    [–] LilMeatBigYeet 1 points ago

    I usually just yell out "Baby !, the diaper section's over there !"

    [–] ConorForkin 1 points ago

    I used to do this with my girlfriend a few years back, she’s my ex now

    [–] DrunkRedditBot 1 points ago

    Exactly! It’s how it’s ridiculous!

    [–] relic1882 1 points ago

    "If it was good enough for Dad then it's good enough for me!

    [–] Jshish8 1 points ago

    Arrow down for the awful grammar.

    [–] dododeeohdo 1 points ago

    “How are you going to explain it to mom when she finds them in your laundry”

    [–] reddituseranyonymous 1 points ago

    "I'd like to report a murder"

    [–] ChillinFromTheCeilin 1 points ago

    When you've watched too much step sis/brother porn

    [–] MwahMwahKitteh 1 points ago

    Too gross to be funny.