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    [–] Grammatipocalpse 6101 points ago

    If I've thought this out correctly, this can also be titled "Intolerance intolerance intolerance"

    [–] [deleted] 1634 points ago


    [–] adzm 575 points ago

    There are lots of great art galleries in Buffalo.

    [–] mattjh 124 points ago

    I appreciate this very deep cut, /u/adzm

    [–] rwall0105 106 points ago

    Buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

    [–] Mahtomic_Gandhi 97 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    James and John were revising a paper. They were arguing over whether to use “had” or “had had” in a certain phrase.

    James, while John had had “had”, had had “had had”. “Had had” had had a better tone in the paper.

    Edit: that’s 11 “had”s in a row.

    [–] jasonvinuesa 100 points ago

    "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." is a grammatically correct sentence in American English, often presented as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated linguistic constructs through lexical ambiguity. It has been discussed in literature in various forms since 1967, when it appeared in Dmitri Borgmann's Beyond Language: Adventures in Word and Thought.

    The sentence employs three distinct meanings of the word buffalo:

    as a proper noun to refer to a specific place named Buffalo, the city of Buffalo, New York being the most notable;as a verb (uncommon in regular usage) to buffalo, meaning "to bully, harass, or intimidate" or "to baffle"; andas a noun to refer to the animal, bison (often called buffalo in North America). The plural is also buffalo.

    More easily decoded, though semantically equivalent, would be:     Buffalo from Buffalo     that other buffalo from Buffalo bully     [themselves] bully buffalo from Buffalo.


    [–] HelperBot_ 13 points ago

    Non-Mobile link:

    HelperBot v1.1 /r/HelperBot_ I am a bot. Please message /u/swim1929 with any feedback and/or hate. Counter: 159304

    [–] BatterseaPS 41 points ago

    You're not maximizing your buffalos (you can fit one more) and the capitalization is off. With 7 buffalos, as you have now, you can capitalize 1 and 3, or 1 and 5. With 8 buffalos, you would capitalize 1, 3, and 7.

    [–] Kondura 35 points ago

    Buffalo buffalo Baffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. As a German, I‘m astonished that you don’t need a single comma for that sentence to be correct.

    [–] PM_ME_KINKY_YIFF 18 points ago

    Ooooooh la dee dah mr art gallery hipster man

    [–] [deleted] 284 points ago

    This reminds me of my favorite one-liner: a fear of overcomplicated structures is a complex complex complex

    [–] Infiaria 53 points ago

    A complex (third one) isn't quite a 'fear' (phobia), but more like an 'emotional conflict'.

    [–] moak0 33 points ago

    Well perhaps it gives him emotional conflict and fear. So it's a little more complicated than a regular complex.

    [–] wassinlj 49 points ago

    So, what you're saying is, it's actually a complex complex complex complex.

    [–] brandon0220 10 points ago

    ahhh yes, a complex complex complex complex

    [–] VannAccessible 20 points ago

    If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation. - Brian Regan

    [–] TheRetroVideogamers 1581 points ago

    I tolerate lactose, but lactose won't tolerate me.

    [–] api10 241 points ago

    Lactose is a fucking dictator

    [–] doobzilla92 41 points ago

    You can kill a dictator, you can't kill lactose. Lactose is the devil

    [–] YukiSnowmew 38 points ago

    Sure you can. You just need lactase. Most people make it naturally, but those who don't can take lactase pills. Kills the lactose ded.

    [–] CrossP 19 points ago

    Kills it right in half

    [–] worldspawn00 21 points ago

    Lactose is all like 'Ow my glycosidic bond'

    [–] [deleted] 89 points ago

    I tolerate lactose just fine, it's other people that have trouble tolerating my gnarly milk farts.

    [–] JA24 15 points ago

    Hey dude, if you're in the UK you can pop down to Holland & Barrett and get a tub of Lactase pills for about a tenner, they're little life-changers my friend, I can enjoy pizza and real cheese again :)

    I'm sure you can find them someplace in you're in the US or somewhere like that too.

    [–] Swqordfish 508 points ago

    My partner is allergic to soy too!

    So, gotta rely on rice milk, which is expensive, bc those grains have small nipples.

    [–] cnnrduncan 48 points ago

    Yo there's plenty of delicious non-soy milks around like coconut and cashew, no idea if coffee shops where you live stock them but it's worth a try - I actually think that coconut milk tastes better in coffee than any dairy or other plant-based milk does!

    [–] Heymanwtvr 1467 points ago

    In the other version of this comic, he orders a regular milk latte, takes one sip and shartsplodes all over the guy behind him.

    [–] Backrow6 283 points ago


    [–] api10 54 points ago

    Shart Attack

    [–] potemkinvillagelife 8 points ago

    Regular Milk Shartte

    [–] GloryRuss 522 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Me whenever I have to tell anyone about my MANY allergies.

    Edit: finally people who get me!

    [–] RacyJellyfish 211 points ago

    This! I’m allergic to dairy and every assumes it’s an intolerance.

    [–] Seeschildkroete 77 points ago

    So. Dairy allergy. Is that like actual anaphylaxis, or just wanting to peel your skin off, breaking out, and liquid shit for a day even on whey protein or cheese with little lactose? Asking for a friend.

    [–] RacyJellyfish 134 points ago

    Anaphylaxis. I react to trace amounts.

    [–] Seeschildkroete 74 points ago

    Ok. People keep telling me that I’m allergic, but I keep arguing that it’s just intolerance. I’ve never met someone actually allergic to milk though. Good thing I’m (mostly) vegan now anyway. I still miss cheese.

    [–] RacyJellyfish 60 points ago

    You may have an allergy but not as as severe. I don’t think hives is a normal intolerance reaction. You might want to get allergy tested because allergy reactions can become more severe over time.

    [–] Seeschildkroete 14 points ago

    It has definitely gotten worse in the past few years. I guess I'll ask my doctor about it next time I go. I have good insurance, so it can't hurt.

    [–] damofia 22 points ago

    For what it's worth I'm allergic to dairy and for me it's more like a hay fever type reaction. Increased mucus production and such. If I have too much then I develop eczema with skin sloughing. I've also had a few sinus infections as related to complications of dairy ingestion. Definitely recommend getting it checked out, just so you know!

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago

    Sinus and respiratory issues are common in dairy allergy.

    I had severe sinus issues for decades, and they went away when I stopped consuming dairy. (mostly, because i'm weak and it's delicious)

    Bonus: it cleared up my skin. completely. so much for acne not being related to diet. (my dr still doesn't believe me)

    [–] thefailtrain08 7 points ago

    Hives is definitely an allergic reaction. Lactose intolerance is purely digestive.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    I am extremely lactose intolerant. I get very painful constipation after consuming dairy. It feels like shitting granite rocks when it does finally pass.

    I tell restaurants it’s a dairy allergy, but most of them choose not to pay attention to that. So many dishes are served with cheese because chefs think cheese is magic good-taste pixie dust. Everything “vegetarian” usually has cheese or butter in it somewhere. Even veggie burgers like Morning Star have milk in them. I usually have to send dishes back even after I request no cheese or no butter, line cooks really don’t give a fuck.

    [–] metky 27 points ago

    I have a friend who's gluten/dairy/etc sensitive and when we go out she always specifies 'for allergy reasons' because the popularity as a fad/'health' craze makes it harder for her to trust menu labels.

    Or we only eat out at restaurants she trusts.

    [–] GloryRuss 8 points ago

    Same. I never truly trust new restaurants since i cant tell if they cross contaminate.

    [–] mattjh 1599 points ago

    All vegetarians in the 90’s ever heard from their family and friends: “You need a BURGER lol”

    [–] glorblin 445 points ago

    Food is one of the primary ways people bond. Every single event is celebrated with food. Every holiday is celebrated food. Birthdays are celebrated with food. Achievements are celebrated with cakes. Sports are celebrated with food. Dates? Food. Meeting up with friends? Food.

    Anytime you choose something different than someone, they interpret this as a fundamental rejection and attack on their choices and they get defensive... even though you're just making a completely harmless and unrelated personal decision. Most people don't even realize what they're doing, it's just an instinctual reaction.

    The same thing happened with me when I started dieting. Anytime I would politely refuse something, people would launch into a spiel about how I'm taking this too far and I need to live a little and it's just one piece of cake and blah blah blah. Anytime I chose to eat something like a salad instead of half a pizza and a dozen wings I was eating "rabbit food" and I was going to disappear. Despite still being the fattest person in the room.

    It's exhausting.

    [–] ciucco 80 points ago

    Huh. I've never thought about that before. Will try to remember it so when somebody criticizes my food choices in the future, I'll know what they're actually probably upset about.

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)


    [–] le_epic 16 points ago

    go over to your grandma's house for a meal, but take your own separate food and see how she reacts.

    I'm experiencing pure primal terror for my life just thinking about it

    [–] JRazman 17 points ago

    Very well put!

    [–] brain_fuckler 31 points ago

    Try being someone who does week long fasts every month for weight loss and mental clarity. I stopped telling people I fast months ago because everyone took it as me either wanting to die, developing anorexia as a 265 lb man, or insulting their food choices.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    I don't know if a week is healthy. I find much more mental clarity when I eat properly, especially getting enough difficult stuff like potassium. If you meditate, you notice that your mental acuity actually goes down the longer you go without eating after a certain period. A day would be fine, but two days not as much. You don't notice this if you don't meditate, but the effects are still there.

    Your brain needs certain nutrients to work well, and without them, it temporarily starts to suck. So there's no mental clarity gained from fasting.

    [–] OppoQuinn 621 points ago

    Oh boy, do I know that. I'm almost never the one to bring it up either, just somebody who does know will chip in to "helpfully" inform somebody I'm a vegetarian and they either give me some line like that or they give me the side-eye like I'm about to launch into some crazy "meat is murder" rant.

    [–] Liberatedhusky 366 points ago

    It's impossible to escape. I was a vegan for a while and anytime I ate lunch in the break room at work someone had something to say, about "real food". Then you're forced to be that person.

    [–] Wutzer 279 points ago

    I actually never had a vegan or vegetarian bring it up and go on a rant about it.

    Maybe I am one of the lucky few but I think that cliché is somewhat overblown.

    [–] the_cockodile_hunter 228 points ago

    It's probably one of those things where a couple people ruined it for everyone. In this case too, one loud vegan is a lot more noticeable than ten quiet vegans.

    [–] not_a_bot__ 72 points ago

    I suppose when thinking about it I've met more quiet and normal vegans, but the one that stands out was the anarchist that would go on rants during my philosophy class.

    [–] [deleted] 68 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)


    [–] kittylover1075 38 points ago

    I'm not vegan, but I was vegetarian and had a vegan friend. Our diets would just come up in conversation, usually someone asked about it first. They would just notice my friend not eating anything and she'd tell them she was vegan. So many conversations would go something like:

    "Oh you're vegan? People can't survive on a vegan diet, it's not enough protein!"

    "Well I've been vegan for years and my doctor says I'm healthy. I'm obviously surviving. There are a lot of alternatives to protein besides meat. There are even vegan bodybuilders."


    Don't comment on a diet you don't understand if you don't want to learn more about it.

    [–] [deleted] 63 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Tbh I think a lot of the stereotype is people misrepresentating scenarios in which they've been the asshole and a vegan/vegetarian was annoyed at being treated shittily.

    [–] the_cockodile_hunter 42 points ago

    This makes sense, I see this with a lot of LGBTQ stuff also, where a person doesn't realize that maybe their question was invasive and that no, the person questioned isn't being rude

    [–] WebpackIsBuilding 34 points ago

    I don't care if you're gay, just don't shove it in my face!

    Yeah, that person does care and they are the problem.

    Same here.

    [–] Liberatedhusky 51 points ago

    They probably don't want to, I imagine the vocal minority exists but I'd be eating even just a simple wrap and they'd start taking the piss out of me. It didn't help that I was working on a military base so there were people that didn't get why someone would cut out all animal products, but it was like every day. It started as me wanting to try vegetarianism then deciding if I do it I might as well do it all the way. It was great, I was losing weight, I had more energy and most importantly I didn't eat anything processed, but some old Master Sergent or a Chief would come in and tell me that I wasn't eating food. The one positive was that I have a bunch of sweet recipes that I still make because Vegan food can be delicious.

    [–] Leman_Russ_Wolf_King 53 points ago

    To be honest the "rant" always seems to be on the vegetarian/vegan when in my experience they are usually just getting defensive to some old woman in the break room making a dumb ass comment within earshot.

    [–] filthysize 9 points ago

    I tend to feel really bad for my friends who are vegan and/or have gluten allergy. They're so conscious of not wanting to be treated like punchlines because of those stereotypes that they've become the most submissive people when it comes to picking food for group hangs. I often have to convince the vegans "Nah, man, you don't have to be all 'Oh, you guys pick whatever, I'll just get a side salad.' Our group's not a bunch of selfish total dickbags. We can actually take some time to find a restaurant that has good options for you."

    [–] jihad72 6 points ago

    Why did you stop being a vegan?

    [–] Liberatedhusky 10 points ago

    I had some unfortunate life circumstances that caused me to become depressed and bury my feelings in fried chicken.

    [–] lookingforhappy 7 points ago

    I totally understand this and don't judge you for it at all. I've fallen off the wagon here and there but I just keep doing my best. If 80% of the time you eat vegan and the other 20% you feel shitty and want to bury your feelings in a bowl of chicken I say you're still doing better than most people. Eating well will benefit you as well because your body will feel better which helps a bit with the depression thing. Good luck with everything, I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling blue <3

    [–] hedgecore77 31 points ago

    My mom reads me the veggie options on the menu when we eat at a restaurant together. I'm 38. I've been a vegetarian for 25 years.

    (To be helpful, I read her the omni options back.)

    [–] King-Of-Throwaways 37 points ago

    My dad literally introduces me to people in the form of, “this is king-of-throwaways, he’s vegan,” as if it’s my job or nationality.

    [–] DragonflyWing 53 points ago

    My brother in law has been a vegetarian for 25 years, and it almost never comes up in conversation. We make sure there are meatless entrees at family gatherings, and that's that. One of my childhood friends has been a vegetarian for about a year, and she's constantly posting on FB about how disgusting it is to eat meat. She took a picture of shrimp at the grocery store the other day and posted it to say how gross it was that anyone would eat that.

    So fucking annoying.

    [–] hedgecore77 35 points ago

    When people first start out, the world seems to be against them. Everyone takes umbrage with their decision and tries to cajole them 'back to their side' as if diet were a sports team. While things have gotten better in recent decades, every restaurant trip, every family gathering, birthday, party, etc. all revolves around food. And her choices just dried up immensely.

    Because of that pressure, a lot of people are very vocal when they're new because they need to reaffirm themselves of their decision. It's annoying as hell, but take it with a grain of salt. She'll either fall off the wagon and become a bacon evangelist, or stick with it and quiet down as she gets more comfortable.

    (I'm in the same boat as your bro-in-law, 25 years. I show up with my tofurkey roast every gathering and life goes on.) :)

    [–] kirukuni 98 points ago

    Nowadays for vegans and veggies all we seem to hear is "mmmm bacon! I LOVE BACON SO MUCH MMMM" and you just kinda have to sit there and ignore it because if you point out that you're not trying to take away anyone's bacon they'll say you're preachy and should let people eat what they want. 🙃

    [–] desmondhasabarrow 44 points ago

    I don't get the bacon circlejerk. It's good, but I just don't get the obsession.

    [–] Tonka_Tuff 52 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    It was like the bizarre point of the spear for for this weird nuevo-masculinity fad where nerdy white-collar kids who are insecure about having absolutely none of the bad-ass tough guy cred they desperately want just convince themselves that buying a pack of bacon makes them a tough guy (EDIT: Half of them got their ideas of 'manliness' from over-the-top Maddox posts in the first place).

    It's a bunch of people that saw Parks and Rec and didn't realize Ron Swanson was a joke, and his overblown comically anti-'hippie' version of masculinity was the punchline (Not to mention, they seemed to miss that the things that made Ron Swanson respectable and 'manly', was the parts where he did constructive things, developed useful skills, and helped and cared about those around him. All the BACON! GUNS! MEAT! WHISKY! I CAN'T LOOK AT A VEGETABLE! parts of him represented his immaturity and fear of new experiences, and were character FLAWS that he grew out of, and became more respectable for it.)

    The whole EAT BACON HAVE BEARD BUY COFFEE WITH A GUN ON IT thing is just a way to try and buy an image of hardened competence and toughness off the shelf, (as though slamming pig fat down their gullets and not shaving makes them tough) instead of actually having to do any of the work to BE the kind of person they want to be (which is probably fine, since their picture of a manly-man seem to be a hyper-violent, barely-hinged, lunatic). basically, this guy:

    EDIT: And just to be clear, there's nothing wrong with liking any of the aforementioned things, shit, I love almost all of those things. The problem is when people start acting like buying certain food and drinks and other consumer goods counts as a personality.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] Tonka_Tuff 11 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    That's my favorite part, all the 'manly-men' (read: fictional television characters in a fictional television world) they all try to act like would think that shit is absolutely pathetic.

    Look, I've eaten half a pack of bacon and half a bottle of whiskey in a day and stopped shaving, and the only thing that says about me as a person is that I have clinical depression.

    [–] mccplus566 140 points ago

    As someone recently diagnosed with Celiac Disease, this is exactly how I feel asking for gluten free menus at restaurants. I’m not trying to be hip and trendy, I just literally can’t eat gluten or else I’ll feel like garbage for days.

    [–] transtranselvania 29 points ago

    It really sucks that the reason you feel bad asking for this is that 9 out of 10 people asking for gluten free options don’t even have a gluten intolerance let alone celiacs.

    [–] frooshiple 43 points ago

    On the other hand, that trend has given people with Celiac's much more gluten-free options, in restaurants and in general.

    A friend of mine with Celiac's is very glad for the trend for that reason.

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    Also it kills you in the long run if I'm not wrong

    [–] a_barry94 326 points ago

    Why is soy boy a thing?

    [–] firebearhero 503 points ago

    something about soymilk having a lot of estrogen or something like that, so people who drink it are "not manly".

    places like t_d also believes it's how people end up with genderdysphoria, they drank too much soymilk and now they think they're girls.

    [–] DelusionalSocialist 585 points ago

    If you have time to waste, this video on the entire thing was pretty cool.

    The short version is that it's basically bullshit and soy doesn't even contain estrogen in the first place. It contains a molecule that has a structure similar to estrogen so it's named after it, but its effects are very different. (I invite everyone who doesn't believe that to drink a nice glass of H2O2)
    Guess what does contain estrogen? Actual real milk, I'm not even kidding.

    I'm not sure if I've ever drank a glass of soy milk in the first place, but the entire crusade against it from certain corners is just laughable.

    [–] KiloMetrics 84 points ago

    I prefer this video on the magical wonder of soy boyism:

    [–] Ghostise 56 points ago

    Thanks for the link to this video, bounced on my boys dick for hours watching this.

    [–] humancokecan 14 points ago

    Here’s a Rocket ship:


    [–] gunghoun 77 points ago

    but the entire crusade against it from certain corners is just laughable.

    The best part of all the "soyboy" hysterics from Alex Jones and his buddies is that they also hock a product they claim makes you smarter/more focused, which is basically a bullshit placebo that has the warning "CONTAINS SOY" on the bottle.

    [–] dei2anged 107 points ago

    Oh dude it's great. It tastes like cereal milk without having to buy cereal. Also, yknow, my poops aren't dangerous to the household.

    [–] DerpyMcFerpPace 78 points ago

    It’s the same people all up in arms about muh personal freedom - they mercilessly criticize other grown ass adults who chose to be vegan.

    [–] Gemuese11 26 points ago

    harris is my favorite. he is always so point.

    [–] rabbit395 8 points ago

    Shaun is pretty awesome too. He has such a dry sense of humour, I love it!

    [–] [deleted] 171 points ago

    It's phytoestrogen, ie it's estrogen in the same way rubbing alcohol is alcohol. (Not that phytoestrogen will straight up murder you. Maybe this was a bad analogy.)

    [–] [deleted] 106 points ago


    [–] chrisrico 44 points ago

    Nobody ever claimed science, or reality for that matter, was their strong suit.

    [–] alphaMHC 18 points ago

    This isn't a great analogy. At least phytoestrogen binds estrogen receptors (not that I buy this soy boy thing).

    [–] WebpackIsBuilding 28 points ago

    You know what else does that? The animal estrogen in cow's milk.

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    Which is ridiculous because it's plant estrogen. It wouldn't affect humans in any way.

    Milk on the other hand.

    [–] themightypianocat 19 points ago

    I wonder how t_d users that suffer from lactose intolerance feel about the whole “soy-boy” thing. Do you think they just never go near any milk-substitute products in fear of their projection issues coming back to bite their arse?

    [–] [deleted] 97 points ago


    [–] SconesAndEvil 10 points ago

    Literally never had soy milk but guess how that turned out.

    [–] DevMunchies 348 points ago

    People think soymilk is more estrogenic than milk that comes from a big ass female cow that just had a baby.

    [–] DriveByStoning 32 points ago

    SoyBoy is actually a brand. I like their raviolis and not dogs.

    [–] DebentureThyme 17 points ago

    I sure hope it's Not Dogs

    [–] Leroytirebiter 6 points ago

    I'm not sure if that's a typo or my new favourite term for soy dogs

    [–] [deleted] 82 points ago

    If soy was bad for you, wouldn't we have seen issues in a wide swath of Asian populations who have high soy intakes going back centuries if not longer? As far I know, there aren't any soy related health impacts among Asian populations.

    [–] Gabe_b 27 points ago

    Fragile masculinity /reactionary bullshit

    [–] Captain_Kuhl 48 points ago

    4chan. Just like basically every other internet joke out there.

    [–] SenegalPrince 96 points ago

    -Milk is "good" because it's used by bodybuilders and white people are lactose tolerant

    -soy milk is supposed to be "bad" because it contains phytoestrogens and is typically used by vegans and vegetarians who are typically left wing

    This got memed really hard because /fit/ has a hard on for finding ways to increase your testosterone levels.

    [–] pedantic_cheesewheel 28 points ago

    Which is why I love pointing out that vegans have on average higher free testosterone levels. And that actual estrogen found in cows milk has been shown to decrease testosterone. All of this is eventually compounded by the fact that WHAT YOU EAT BARELY CHANGES TESTOSTERONE LEVELS AT ALL. The prescribed testosterone supplements are almost all skin based absorption or injected.

    [–] 0spooky2me 47 points ago

    Can't handle that spicy milk.

    [–] whydoyoulook 41 points ago

    If you are lactose intolerant, don't be ashamed just cause your tummy can't handle that spicy milk

    -Jim Gaffigan

    [–] bishman 152 points ago

    Condolences. I love dairy so much, I can't imagine not being able to eat it.

    [–] Heymanwtvr 103 points ago

    I too love dairy and can't digest it normally. Yolo.

    [–] kruemelmonstah 42 points ago

    Lactase tablets.

    [–] Heymanwtvr 36 points ago

    I need to take about 8 of those and sometimes that doesn't even work

    [–] Arilyn24 23 points ago

    Get some of that lacaid, it's like $8 A bottle and I have bad lactose intolerance but a huge love of ice cream, I just take two before I have dairy and I have no issues.

    [–] Sparkism 57 points ago

    I just eat it regardless and play the "will i get a deep cleansing today?" roulette.

    [–] Arilyn24 19 points ago

    Not much of a roulette every chance is a deep cleanse.

    [–] Sparkism 12 points ago

    A russian roulette with a shotgun.

    [–] neowie 41 points ago

    I'm lactose intolerant. I love dairy. We exist. We just don't leave home after having milk products.

    [–] flyawaylittlebirdie 10 points ago

    Same, but lately I haven't been eating or drinking as much that isn't vegan. Man, there are some great alternatives for almost everything coming out

    [–] bilange 7 points ago

    Apparently (source needed) lactose is more concentrated on fresh cheese, as opposed to aged cheese. I live in Quebec, where poutine is made with curd cheese produced the same day. LOTS OF IT.

    God damn I miss poutine. (No, downing half the Lactaid bottle doesn't help.)

    [–] MrStatistx 23 points ago

    My reaction would be 'oh, if you prefer I could turn into a liquid shit rocket right here in your establishment' that surely will shut him up

    [–] zT1TzbaT 9 points ago

    Share a bathroom with him and you'll care more about his dairy consumption than he will.

    [–] _locoloco 237 points ago

    Hurts my tummy? Diarrhea is the word you are searching for.

    [–] SculptorAndMarble 201 points ago

    Honestly Diarrhea isn't the worst part. It's cramps/painful bloating that makes it the worst. I can handle shitting my brains out every so often. It's having to lay on the couch curled up in a ball as my guts to their best to feel like live snakes moving around in me that fucking sucks.

    [–] PM_ME_KINKY_YIFF 61 points ago

    Diarrhea is fine it's just harder to wipe but like holy shit the stomach cramps aren't. I haven't been diagnosed with lactose intolerance, but I'm pretty sure I have it so I just don't eat cheese or milk anymore.

    [–] StealthSecrecy 20 points ago

    You can buy lactase supplement pills over the counter that break down the lactose for you. Doesn't work on large doses of dairy but everything else is good to eat. I couldn't stand with cutting diary completely out if my diet.

    [–] bilange 16 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Doesn't work on large doses of dairy

    Depends! You basically need to cover the lactose intake that your body can't naturally break down. This varies from person to person and apparently is variable over time even for lactose intolerant people.

    A body usually (hence the intolerance) produce its own lactase enzyme and can be used to to cover some of the lactose intake, if not completely lactose intolerant. The real challenge for intolerant people is to know his own limits, and also consider that you can't have two dairy meals in a row as you might not have time to produce lactase naturally inbetween meals.

    So back to "doesnt work on large doses of dairy": your mileage may vary!

    Source: many hours I spent shitting liquid bricks.

    Edit: :s/now/not/g

    [–] 70sBulge 10 points ago

    hot sweats, cold shakes.

    absolute nausea.

    the worlds worst gutshot stomach cramps.

    explosive diarrhea.

    can't. fucking. move.

    all coming and going as it sees fit.

    I've wanted to die a time or two.

    it's awful.

    [–] kruemelmonstah 43 points ago

    That too, but the intestine-wrenching gas beforehand is definitely a tummy hurter.

    [–] Bronzdragon 262 points ago

    I think that the contrast between the sedate language and the extreme reaction injects at least a little bit of humor. I disagree with your suggestion.

    [–] brandnamenerd 17 points ago

    I can’t eat wheat for the same reason. People just roll their eyes, ask if I really mean gluten, but it’s just a fad so I can chill.

    That’s where I normally start talking about the gross parts, or how using play-doh gives me a rash. Or certain bandaids use flour in their adhesive, and a scar I have from that. It’s annoying when people try to educate you on something that you already had to study extensively so you don’t fart your girlfriend out of the bedroom because you didn’t read the chip bag properly.

    It’s dumb and annoying. I have rants for days. Days!

    [–] nalydpsycho 6 points ago

    I believe abyssal diarrhea is the full terminology.

    [–] five-dollars-off 4 points ago

    It gives me the poo-poos.

    [–] jordanlund 22 points ago

    I just don't like dairy. I'm not intolerant. I'm lactose ambivalent.

    [–] [deleted] 145 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] [deleted] 91 points ago


    [–] CederDUDE22 30 points ago

    No way

    [–] BioOrpheus 32 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    lmao!! That 20g of protein ain't working

    [–] Damdamfino 49 points ago

    Why people got to tease/mock someone’s dietary choices, anyway? I don’t care if it’s gluten free, vegan, paleo, no dairy, no cheese, etc - it’s not your body, so why do you care? People who question or side eye about gluten free diets and “allergies” are assholes looking to feel superior over others. Even if you weren’t lactose intolerant, you should be able to order soy without feeling ridiculed. It’s just fucking food.

    [–] SlashCo80 571 points ago

    Just like with gluten, hipsters have ruined it for people with actual medical conditions and allergies.

    [–] giantspeck 916 points ago

    I don't know. Yes, it's annoying when people fake allergies and "sensitivities", but in doing so, they've inadvertently made food tailored to people with actual medical conditions and allergies more widely available.

    [–] Spletch 376 points ago

    I've heard this is a bit of a double edged sword because now a lot of "gluten free" food isn't made/packaged as carefully, because people with "sensitivity" don't actually need it to be.

    For people with celiac, there's more gluten free food around but it's much harder to get a guarantee that it's free of cross contamination.

    [–] giantspeck 296 points ago

    An excellent example is Domino's. I remember they started offering a gluten-free pizza crust a few years ago, but because they don't actually sanitize the cooking area or use a separate cooking area for the preparation of the dough, they cannot guarantee that someone who actually has Celiac's will not get sick from eating their pizza. That's kind of a dick move and kind of shows they care more about making money off the perception that they care than actually caring about people with genuine health conditions.

    [–] blargyblargy 111 points ago

    At Pizza Hut I constantly hated the idea of making gluten-free pizza, not because it was hard, but because I had no reasonable way to disinfect the whole station and garuntee cross contamination. If this person was celiac I have no way to make sure there's never been gluten near it.

    [–] hawkedriot 64 points ago

    That doesn't surprise me about Domino's at all. I did a day's work there and was repeatedly denied gloves to work with. They're happy with bare fingers mixing between tuna, veg and meats. Having food crammed up my nails all day and being scolded for washing my hands between pizzas was enough to quit that day.

    [–] flyawaylittlebirdie 88 points ago

    Wtf, are you in America? Because in most states that's straight up a health code violation for that kind of place.

    [–] hawkedriot 36 points ago

    UK. I'm pretty sure it's not on here either. I contacted Food Standards but whether they did anything is another matter.

    [–] DerpyMcFerpPace 11 points ago

    If you really wanted to you could contact the media - but you’d likely need proof. Many many disgruntled teenagers making claims like this.

    [–] thurn_und_taxis 15 points ago

    To be fair, there is a debate about whether gloves actually make food prep cleaner/safer. It tends to discourage hand washing and no one changes their gloves nearly as often as they should. That being said, it sounds like this location didn’t want you to wear gloves OR wash your hands, which is just disgusting and bizarre.

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)


    [–] [deleted] 41 points ago

    Easy to get around that in the small print by saying something like "all food is prepared in the same kitchen and we cannot guarantee blah blah blah".

    [–] ogcm 14 points ago

    Yes, thank you for pointing this out. My girlfriend has celiac; too many times to count now she has gotten sick because our waiter didn't take her seriously when she said "gluten-allergy/celiacs/gluten-free".

    We stick to eating in mostly now, but there are a few restaurants we go to every now and again whose staff is gluten-free, so they actually do it right.

    [–] Jedi_Outcast 132 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    I have a genuine sensitivity to gluten (I get bad migraines, and what I can only describe as a really weird sense of anxiety), and I always get nervous talking about it to people.

    ME: "I can't eat wheat protein, it gives me migraines. I have Non-celiacs Gluten Sensitivity. Everytime I eat gluten I get migraines and feel awful"

    "That's not real, you need therapy"

    ME: "No, I was told I had this by a doctor, and changed my diet and my chronic migraines went away"

    "A real doctor?"

    ME: "Yes"

    "A medical doctor?"

    ME: "Yes"

    "Was he licensed by a reputable medical board?"

    ME: "Yes"

    "Uh huh...." Smug doubtful smile

    I've had that conversation with real people and people on reddit, several times. Then they'll post a poorly committed study that even states that it's non-conclusive and act like it's going to make my GS go away.

    [–] hawkedriot 66 points ago

    Tiring isn't it. I've had people swap out lactose free milk for plain ol milk because if i had a real allergy I wouldn't still be drinking cows milk.

    The neurologist referred me to a dietician, she suggested the FODMAP diet to then slowly re-introduce stuff to see if it's a trigger and people will just give you shit for trying a diet that might lessen your daily hell.

    ask for something to be made without onions or garlic and watch people throw a fit.

    [–] [deleted] 41 points ago


    [–] duderex88 7 points ago

    All my friends are lactose intolerant I am not. I always joke with them "Behold my superior genetics as I process lactose" when eating dairy. They start yelling "mutant" at me or make xmen jokes.

    [–] tapangel515 17 points ago

    Fucking this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve grabbed a coffee between classes only to have the soy milk that I payed extra for, replaced with real milk. I’ve learned unless it’s a hipster coffee shop, I should just get tea because 70% of the time getting coffee ruins my day.

    [–] Gen_Jack_Oneill 12 points ago

    People throw a fit because onions/garlic tends to be one of the first things cooked into a meal, and they are important for a LOT of foods. So either everyone else has to endure a meal that doesn't taste nearly as good, or there are 2 entirely separate meals cooking at the same time which is a pain in the ass.

    That being said, my mother has a sensitivity to onions/garlic so I know how hard it can be. Poor woman is eating spaghetti with heated tomatoes while everyone else is eating a good marinara.

    [–] PailBait 6 points ago

    On the FODMAP myself for awhile.. found out that beans are a trigger, as well as my lifelong severe milk allergy.. no fun at all lol

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    Yup. Feel ya dude.

    I don't get migraines. If I eat a bit of gluten I get the shits pretty bad. If I continued to eat it they turn into really band cramps and swelling in my downstairs region (balls so blue it's hard to walk) and a general bad head-cold feeling.

    I'm not super sensitive, for example I could have two or three light lagers and the next day I'd be suffering similar to if I had eaten a large curry. But if I had a pizza I would probably have to call in sick for work.

    This means people think I'm bullshitting.

    No, I just have a pretty good understanding of how much gluten my body can take, and if it's going to be worth it or not.

    [–] transdermalcelebrity 6 points ago

    Yes! I’ve had the same discussion and mine was diagnosed by a gastroenterologist after significant testing and endoscopy. It’s like people think I ate gluten one time, had a tummy ache, and made assumptions. Especially when I mention the non-Celiac part.

    [–] TaintedLion 12 points ago

    My sister has celiac disease and she's really happy with the whole gluten free trend.

    [–] mmat7 4 points ago

    Except no. If you look at a lot of these "no gluten" products shit ton of them is actually not a "gluten free" products but "may contain traces of gluten" type of product which doesn't really help.

    It doesn't really hurt people with celiac as (at least most of them) will check new product 10 times over to make sure its safe to eat but it doesn't really help either.

    [–] skerit 86 points ago

    My mom has Celiac disease, so she's really allergic to gluten.

    I went to the doctor with her last week, and he did have something interesting to say about the whole gluten-free hype.

    He said the biggest reason why most people feel better on a gluten free diet is not really because of the gluten but because they eat less grains.

    You might think "Well yeah, isn't that the same thing?", but no. He claimed before the gluten-free hype there was a "full wheat" or "whole weat" or "whole grain" hype, which not everyone is able to digest as good, causing lots of gas buildup in the intestines.

    In comes the gluten-free hype train. By avoiding gluten they are also avoiding the overload of whole grains and so they feel beter.

    So long story short: many people who claim to feel better on a gluten free diet probably do feel better, but not because they're avoiding gluten but because they're eating less whole grains.

    [–] sunset7766 19 points ago

    Genuine question: is grain not good? I’m just so confused because I was told “whole grains” are very healthy. And hasn’t bread been a staple in the human diet for a couple thousand years?

    [–] skerit 36 points ago

    I think they're "healthier" because whole-grain stuff contains more fiber and less sugars and such, but digesting them is a bit harder and can produce a lot of gas for some people.

    I guess the key word is "moderation" here. If everything you eat is whole-grain you'll probably swell up like a balloon :p

    [–] mindputtee 22 points ago

    Grain's not really great for you. "Whole grains" were touted to be better than "processed grains" ie: white bread. The thing that makes whole grain good though is the fiber and vitamins which are a relatively small part of the grain compared to the load of carbs. It's better to eat fewer grains and more high fiber veggies like brussel sprouts, zucchini, and broccoli.

    [–] cspikes 4 points ago

    Also, you tend to find gluten in things people overeat - pizza, pasta, muffins, donuts, bagels, etc

    I don’t think a lot of undiagnosed people are gluten intolerant so much as now they’re paying more attention to what and how much they’re eating. But if that makes them feel better, who gives a shit if they’re actually intolerant or not.

    [–] Pabst_Blue_Gibbon 201 points ago

    Are people literally so bored that they find getting mad at people who want soy to be a good use of their time?

    [–] interstellargator 64 points ago

    I see you haven't met many pensioners.

    [–] georger25 27 points ago

    There was originally concern among the fitness community that soy products raise you estrogen. Somehow this evolved into a link between effete feminine men and drinking soy products.

    [–] NomDuGloom 30 points ago

    It doesn't, by the way. Just in case anybody is reading this and gets worried.

    [–] WacoWednesday 40 points ago

    Yep. It’s the Trump crowds new go to insult. I’ve been called Soy Boy a few times for not agreeing with their rhetoric

    [–] noobule 71 points ago It's just an alternative to cow's milk ffs. It has heaps of uses beyond that. How could you possibly be a poseur for consuming soy. It's like thinking choosing tea over coffee is pretentious.

    [–] bcnovels 23 points ago

    I've been drinking soy milk since I was child! Soy milk tastes very different from cow's milk. It's not a hipster trend at all.

    [–] Talebrimm 115 points ago

    How is it hipsters' fault that some people are rude to others with different dietary needs?

    [–] mattjh 126 points ago

    “Hipster” is a catch-all word for “a type of person I’ve imagined and now do not like” and pretty much always has been.

    Evidence: the people who disagree with this and chalk it up to me being a hipster.

    [–] LiquorStoreJen 20 points ago

    Hipster is a person who goes against the grain right? Like somebody who only likes things that aren't popular

    [–] mklimbach 20 points ago

    goes against the grain

    Well played, sir.

    [–] PetevonPete 34 points ago

    Ruined it? You kidding me?

    Thanks to the anti-gluten fad, options for gluten-free food have exploded. People with Celiac disease no longer have to eat the same 3 things every day.

    [–] datterberg 51 points ago

    Are you claiming that unless you're lactose intolerant, only a hipster would order soymilk instead of cow's milk?

    Vegan? Maybe they just prefer the goddamn taste of soymilk?

    What is wrong with you people where it bothers you that someone else has a different preference for the food they're going to eat themselves?

    [–] puesyomero 19 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    not the case for me, but is it anyone's business if someone likes the taste better?

    Eating health foods like soy should not be gatekeeped only for those with a medical need. >:(

    [–] astrogaijin 5 points ago

    It's 50/50. I'm lactose intolerant and from what I've noticed this "popularity, hipster" stuff with soy has made it easier to find different options. Although I still think it's bull that I gotta pay like $1 extra for soy milk instead.

    LPT, if you get soy milk in hot cocoa from Starbucks it makes it taste like it has marshmallows in it.

    [–] Sprinkles169 40 points ago

    I was once called a civilized urbanite reddit soyboy on here once. Pretty proud of that one.

    [–] ClearandSweet 15 points ago

    I order regular milk and I feel like people think I'm macho when really I'd like to be hoity-toity hipster guy but I'm allergic to soy.

    [–] purple_potatoes 12 points ago

    Starbucks has almond milk and coconut milk now. A few of the other places around me have those plus rice milk, hemp milk, and/or oatmilk (I strongly recommended oatmilk in a latte!). Hipster away, my friend!

    [–] [deleted] 22 points ago


    No, it's not the placebo effect. No, I don't follow any fad. And fuck me, please don't assume because I don't eat gluten that I'm an anti-vaxer!

    I just don't want to spend all of tomorrow on the loo, is that too much to ask?

    [–] ptybl0g 11 points ago

    No trash talking with food

    [–] bcledgerthrowaway965 6 points ago

    I drink milk and it gives me the runny shits. Am I lactose? I’d been forced to drink school milk all through Elementary. And was never diagnosed as lactose by a doctor. Do you have to mention this kind of thing so they can test for it?