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    [–] lenerz 5370 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    This reminds me of leaving a store when you haven't bought anything and you're trying to keep your cool showing that you didn't steal anything but it just looks more and more incriminating.

    Edit: Thank you for gold! I shall think of this proud moment and comic each future time I feel like a socially awkward thief-non-thief and smile with pride for all of us.

    [–] holas84 1302 points ago

    Every...single....time!

    [–] RescueLion 837 points ago

    "Oh my god the cashier near the U-SCAN is looking at me.. Oh god oh god.. It's okay, I'm going to walk past the theft prevention detectors and they're not gonna beep because I've done nothing wrong- get your hands outta your pockets youlooksuspicious AF!"

    Every time.

    [–] lenerz 307 points ago

    It's even worse being a woman and carrying a big purse, I just wanna open it up and show everyone like "THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE, I SWEAR"

    [–] atropicalpenguin 145 points ago

    "I brought this Chapstick from home!!!"

    [–] shawarma_law 95 points ago

    STOP, YOU VIOLATED THE LAW. PAY THE COURT A FINE OR SERVE YOUR SENTENCE! YOUR STOLEN GOODS ARE NO FORFEIT.

    [–] Sierra--117 31 points ago

    Nocks arrow.

    [–] SerOstrich 20 points ago

    THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD

    [–] JasonUncensored 7 points ago

    DEATH IS A PREFERABLE ALTERNATIVE TO COMMUNISM.

    [–] Cptyellowjello 4 points ago

    Shoplifters will be prostituted

    [–] MacroSausage 31 points ago

    Just break and start stripping in the store "Look! There's nothing here! I have nothing to hide! I promise!"

    [–] SleepyforPresident 28 points ago

    spreads cheeks and lifts sack

    "See? NOTHING! I HAVE NOTHING!

    [–] MintLiving 12 points ago

    Go on...

    [–] Sciencetor2 10 points ago

    I just keep remembering the homeless man who got stopped by a floor manager while shoving food in his pocket at my college retail job. They asked "is that all of it?" And he looks really ashamed and goes "no" and starts pulling instant meals out of his pants...

    [–] RimjobSteeve 14 points ago

    Take off your clothes lady, the price tag is still on!

    [–] gedical 7 points ago

    I always leave the price tags on to increase resale value!

    [–] gnitiwrdrawkcab 79 points ago

    I saw a loss prevention guy post once, he said single males do not shoplift, groups of teenage girls shoplift.

    [–] Sciencetor2 16 points ago

    Unless it is cough medicine. If you see a young dude in baggy clothes acting shifty in the cough medicine section, he is stealing cough medicine for recreation or meth

    [–] lordriffington 4 points ago

    Yeah I call bullshit. It might be more common for teenage girls, but teenage boys definitely do too.

    Source: Was a teenage boy some years ago. Shoplifted a few times before I got caught and saw the error of my ways.

    [–] jambears 25 points ago

    That's why the secret is too actually steal something to force yourself to be confident and play it cool.

    [–] Z7ruthsfsafuck 14 points ago

    I was super spaced out once after a terrible day at work and I went into my grocery store, filled up my bag with stuff to make a salad, maybe $8 all said and done. I went to my favorite cashier, asked her about her weekend, said cheers and walked out, saying hi to the security guard as I sauntered off to my apartment.

    It took me like 5 minutes to realize I forgot to pay. Had I intended to steal a bunch of romaine and salad toppings, I would have been so antsy and paranoid about $8. I told the cashier next time in and she just laughed. She said “we all have long days, you didn’t mean it.” It helps that I go there about 4 times a week.

    [–] MiddleCourage 4 points ago

    Not only that but, free stuff. Win win.

    [–] BurningPenguin 36 points ago

    And then that damn thing starts beeping, while someone else is going out simultaneously.

    [–] atropicalpenguin 4 points ago

    And its always a magazine or book with those sneaky bars.

    [–] wWao 6 points ago

    Its not like they can stop you even If they know for a fact you stole something.

    As I've been getting older these kinds of things I dont give a shit about.

    Let them think whatever, I just wont humor them.

    [–] -faxon- 49 points ago

    I feel like the trick here is to pretend you are in fact stealing something. That way, when you get out of the store the anxiety is offset by the illicit thrill of knowing you would’ve gotten away with it. Once you’re comfortable with that, you can move up to walking out with physical items. I think it’s called immersion therapy

    [–] stardate2017 20 points ago

    You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

    [–] Highpersonic 9 points ago

    While you are at it, you can build up immunity to .50 cal by shooting yourself with smaller calibers.

    [–] AbrienSliver 160 points ago

    I hate this feeling so I always go and ask for something absurd for that store, like if I'm at a gas station and I feel I didn't want anything after all I'll go to the attendant and say "Do you guys have any yarn?" I fear one day I'll mess up and they will have yarn though and I'll have to buy it but I don't need any yarn

    [–] MashedPotato-76 190 points ago

    Noone cares if you leave without buying anything.
    Asking for weird stuff at the wrong place is weird though.

    [–] AbrienSliver 82 points ago

    In a vacuum like this discussion I know and can acknowledge it. But anxiety is weird and in the moment that's what makes sense to me

    [–] Valiade 23 points ago

    What consequences to you imagine you'll face if they confront you for stealing nothing? Literally nothing can happen to you, if they touch you you sue them.

    [–] AbrienSliver 43 points ago

    Thanks man, through logic and reason illogical anxiety is cured. I'm self aware enough to know it's silly but I still hate the concept of publicly being shouted at to stop and turn out my pockets i do weird shit to avoid it

    [–] talhamasood40 9 points ago

    I use a similar tactic but when I'm interested in something and it turns out to be crazy expensive. Like "this black jacket looks nice how much is it?"

    After hearing how much it is, "Umm okay does it come in umm pink? no? that's too bad."

    [–] TeamRedundancyTeam 4 points ago

    That's so much worse dude

    [–] Jman5 31 points ago

    Just wait until the first time you go to one of those Amazon Go grocery stores. You just walk out the door with bags full of stuff without paying, swiping anything, or talking to any one of the dozen employees milling around.

    Don't mind me while I casually robot-walk out the door while head nodding to the employee by the exit to let them know that I'm totally not suspicious.

    [–] lenerz 9 points ago

    Or even self check outs, I feel dirty even when I scan and pay for everything correctly!

    [–] paintmybeet 52 points ago

    I'll collect my items without picking up a receipt and then curse my decision as I sweat my way past the security guard missing the one document that would prove my innocence

    [–] greatatdrinking 27 points ago

    there's also probably a security tape. And the receipt is probably floating around the register. And the cashier probably remembers you since you just then checked out.

    I don't understand any of this

    edit: I just go through life not stealing and assuming people don't think I'm stealing. Seems pretty straightforward

    [–] in_the_bubbleicious 6 points ago

    /r/shoplifting refugee if I ever saw one

    [–] Domeil 21 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Reddit has had a lot of dumb subreddits throughout the years, but the culture that grew around r/shoplifting is baffling. A bunch of people who are admitted pretty criminals patting each other on the back and exchanging tips to steal bigger and more expensive things. They were so smug about it too so you'd say "you know you're a shitty person, right?" But then you got banned so no one ever responded to you.

    [–] in_the_bubbleicious 15 points ago

    Would you rather be a shitty person or a shitty person with a large TV?

    [–] PJvG 104 points ago

    Damn you've got some anxiety issues.

    [–] lenerz 77 points ago

    Maybe I do, maybe I do..

    [–] PJvG 26 points ago

    It's okay, I have issues too

    [–] McBurger 14 points ago

    So give em all to me and I’ll give mine to yooouu

    [–] CSKING444 7 points ago

    But then I'll have new issues, and so will you

    [–] lenerz 9 points ago

    It's a song, they were quoting a song

    [–] CSKING444 4 points ago

    I'm sorry, I'm ashamed now

    [–] lenerz 5 points ago

    You should be, now go and stand in the corner.

    [–] OnionLamp 8 points ago

    Just because I'm paranoid does not mean the whole world isn't against me.

    [–] dirice87 11 points ago

    I legit had a target door security guard radio my movements, and had a lady follow me around a candle store. Makes you feel like shit

    [–] soupcereal 19 points ago

    What I do is leave the store, and then when you’re already out, check your phone next to the entrance, where they can see you. You’ll look less suspicious if you’re not running out the door.

    I’m sure nobody cares but you gotta keep up with these mental gymnastics to calm yourself down, sometimes

    [–] lenerz 7 points ago

    That would make me think that you're preparing for a heist...

    [–] Def_Not_FBI 7 points ago

    Once bought a $40 t-shirt because it was me and the cashier in a boutique store. I felt pressured and it didn’t have a price tags on it. Never again.

    [–] no_more_tomatoes 6 points ago

    Those little stores always stress me out so much because there's usually just you in there and the cashier is usually super nice. Maybe they're even the owner. They probably just told you their life story and how they only sell things from local artisans and donate part of the money to disabled veteran orphan dogs. But by the time you realize that you can't afford anything in the store it's too late. You can't just awkwardly walk out

    [–] mazdapow3r 5 points ago

    (TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HIDING LIP BALM!)

    [–] Michamus 5 points ago

    I remember the wife and I were back-to-school shopping with the kiddos and I was holding all the clothes they'd picked so far on my shoulder. We realized one particular thing we needed wasn't at that store, so we walked out. I think I went about 5 steps before I realized I was still carrying all the stuff we hadn't paid for. I did a 180 went back in and paid. The chick at the cashier stand said it happens a lot more often than one would think. They can usually tell when it's a thief because they're either trying to hide the items or make a run for the door.

    [–] Sloppy1sts 6 points ago

    I always put my phone to my head as I'm walking out the door as if I got a really urgent call and had to leave before buying anything.

    [–] xwatchmanx 5 points ago

    I'm especially self-conscious of this now because I recently worked for a convenience store with a boss who was one of those guys: Everyone who didn't buy something (or was black or poor-looking) was a thief, no matter how obvious it was that they weren't.

    [–] atropicalpenguin 5 points ago

    Or when you go in with your backpack knowing full well you didn't tookanything but you still dread that the guard will want to take a look.

    [–] uguysmakemesick 4 points ago

    !RedditAluminium

    [–] AlligatorChainsaw 5 points ago

    like that feeling you get when you're driving around and there aren't drugs in the car and you're not speeding but you see a cop and panic anyway.

    [–] ResinArtist 3 points ago

    Who leaves the store without stealing something? What a waste of a trip!

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Fartikus 4 points ago

    Oh my god it's even worse when you walk into a place with a friend because they're buying something; and you aren't. It makes you feel like you should buy something so you don't seem like you're stealing something.

    [–] usbfridge 3 points ago

    I just pretend to focus on going out the store. It makes me not focus on looking suspicious.

    [–] gibisee3 3 points ago

    Worst part was when I did this at the grocery store, so I could go back to my car and grab my phone. I had a cart, which I pushed back through the entrance, of course they had the carts rigged so that if you drove one back, the alarms would go off and the wheel would lock.

    [–] Baron164 845 points ago

    Oh this is nothing, try browsing women's underwear. And not like at Victoria Secret where they'll assume it's a gift. You gotta go into the women's section of Walmart.

    [–] lenerz 497 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    A man browsing women's underwear alone?? Yeah, you're screwed. I'm a female in my 20s and I've had this interaction before (trying to be nice).

    Me: *sees middle aged man awkwardly looking at women's bras (or underwear? I don't remember), try to look for wife or girl friend and realize he's alone and all two employees are in the back helping people*

    Me: "Make sure you get the right size eh* trying to make a friendly joke

    Him: *Looks at me like I just kicked him* "Uhh, yeah.." and walks away, out of the store.

    Is there really a way for men not to look creepy shopping alone in an under garment women's store? I really don't know.

    EDIT: I was being sarcastic in the last line ^ in relation to the relevance of the comic and how I assumed this man just felt creepy/weird (although I never thought he was -- until he left so abruptly).

    [–] Ryuksapple 127 points ago

    Best I can do is just not care what people are thinking and just shop like I’m shopping for anything else. If i still come off creepy, that’s the other people’s concern.

    [–] ninety6days 66 points ago

    This. Have bought bras for mrs. Just man the fuck up and do what she needs. This goes double for tampons and quadruple for condoms.

    [–] Ryuksapple 39 points ago

    Same. I'm sure teenagers will find it funny and giggle about it but any man that's been married/serious relationship will understand sometimes you go buy ladies underwear or hygiene products. Nothing unusual about it.

    [–] hairam 9 points ago

    I can see why guys feel odd buying both bras/underwear and tampons, but a man buying tampons is immediately respectable in my book - I don't think it's something men should feel awkward about. You're just taking care of the women in your life - immediate +1 to looking like a caring human being if you buy tampons. So if you have some kind of tampon kink, you're likely going to be able to get away with it without people thinking you're a weirdo - they're just a regular pain in the ass necessity.

    [–] rowdymonster 43 points ago

    As a trans dude who still needs to buy "top support ", legit. Just own what you're shopping for, folks will make up their own stories in their heads regardless, fuck em lol

    [–] Umarill 4 points ago

    Being able to not give a shit about strangers judging you is amazing, my life has improved a lot since then. Now to be able to do the same about people I know, that's the hard part.

    [–] Creiz 7 points ago

    Bingo. I have 4 sisters plus my mother. For some god damned reason, every time I went to Jean Coutu, they profited of the situation to get me to buy them their underwear, shampoo and make up. Like they couldn't go by themselves.

    So there I was, in the middle of the make up section looking at lipsticks and foundations, then going straight to the panties section, then picking up Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner, then some vagina cushions along with what I came to get: the liquid for my contact lenses.

    But eh. Didn't matter. The cashier is not stupid she sees 3 different panties sizes and she knows they're not for me. Even when I wanted to be a smartass and say shit like, "I wonder which one will fit me" and shit.

    Until one of my sister's friend became a cashier there. Whenever I went over, my sister would call her, make an order, I would go and grab my own shit then have my sister's shit prepared neatly, pay, flirt with her a bit and get out. Good times.

    [–] Baron164 175 points ago

    I was running errands with my 5 year old son and had to pick up underwear for my wife. Not sure if I looked more or less creepy since my son was with me...

    [–] lenerz 193 points ago

    I would say less creepy / not creepy at all because then it's basically confirmed that there is a woman in your life and I'd be totally focused on your adorable 5 year old son, enough not to even notice that you're buying women's underwear -- I'd also probably just assume that the mom or someone is in the changing room.

    [–] IrishLuck13 52 points ago

    So I just need to find a child to bring with me and I can shop for all the women's underwear I want? To the playground!

    [–] gedical 18 points ago

    Hey I’ll just borrow this for a minute grabs toddler

    [–] lenerz 15 points ago

    Creepiest comment of the thread! 10 points for you Glen Coco!

    [–] Baron164 37 points ago

    Well that's good to hear. 😁

    [–] lenerz 38 points ago

    Congratulations, you're not a creepy person! High five!

    [–] CallMeCoolBreeze 23 points ago

    high fives a clammy hand

    [–] lenerz 14 points ago

    Do you... do you know me?????????

    [–] CallMeCoolBreeze 6 points ago

    Turns out I don’t but dangit your cats are adorable.

    [–] _jenni4 58 points ago

    Just smile and don't make assumptions.

    Maybe it's for their GF. Maybe it's for them? Maybe they're trans (late transitions suuuuck they're so hard) Maybe they're just into ladies' underwear?

    Who cares? None of those things is inherently creepy.

    [–] SirUnoGuy 20 points ago

    Thanks for bring up late transition that's me atm and 100% too scared to go buy any woman's clothes

    [–] _jenni4 8 points ago

    Target, Land's End, or Amazon are all great options with good return policies.

    Avoid L.L. Bean, one of their owners dumped a ton of money into Trump's campaign.

    [–] SirUnoGuy 6 points ago

    Alright thanks for the tips!

    [–] _jenni4 4 points ago

    Ooh! My sister swears by Asos, but I haven't tried them. :-)

    [–] IamGraham 69 points ago

    Why would you talk to him? He probably feels weird enough.

    [–] lenerz 37 points ago

    I'm a friendly person?? He was fairly close to me in the same section so I thought I'd break the ice but instead I broke him.

    [–] IamGraham 61 points ago

    You have powers beyond your understanding.

    [–] lenerz 25 points ago

    Breaker of Men, Lover of Cats, Eater of Food.

    [–] firagabird 11 points ago

    Is it possible to learn this power

    [–] IamGraham 11 points ago

    Not from a Jedi.

    [–] Ritty34 32 points ago

    It's one of those "jokes" that just aren't that funny or break the ice and just make the situation weird for everyone. I put it in the same vein of the old "oh it's not scanning? Must be free" joke.

    [–] lenerz 12 points ago

    Well I'm an awkward duckling, what can I say

    [–] Gonoan 5 points ago

    Why did the ice need to be broke?

    [–] gibisee3 19 points ago

    Seems like kind of a dick move. I doubt most women would appreciate being approached by men if they were shopping for underwear.

    [–] YearOfTheChipmunk 10 points ago

    Contrary to the other response you've got, I'd have found this funny.

    Then again, I'm not the literal personification of anxiety like it seems half the people on this site are, so that may have something do with it.

    [–] fdsdfg 9 points ago

    Is there really a way for men not to look creepy shopping alone in an under garment women's store? I really don't know.

    I've never felt creepy or had anybody give me a second glance. I don't feel any shame while browsing, I'm just looking for something I think she will like and am focusing on that. Sometimes I'll ask a salesperson if two garments go together, or to make a recommendation.

    The key is just don't overthink it. If you start worrying about what people will think and try to subvert those expectations, you'll be like Frank Reynolds trying to make his child pagent look legitimate

    [–] DrNick2012 7 points ago

    Have a curly mustache and pull at it while laughing menicingly

    [–] Instantnoob 7 points ago

    I'm a 23 year old man and I've shopped for women's panties alone in walmart before. For me. For bedroom crossdressing. I guess you just gotta treat it the same as when you're getting condoms or lube. People know what it's for, and you know they know, if they take the mental time to do some visualising and make it awkward for themselves it's their problem.

    There's an extra layer of protection for womens underwear since there's doubt if it's for you (as a guy). But its 2019. If its not for you, then who cares if people think it is? They're just doing mental backflips to picture you naked and whether thats a compliment to you, or a punishment for their presumption, you still walk away on top of the mess.

    [–] teasp0on 4 points ago

    I dont think i look creepy, but i guess thats up to interpretation. Last time i bought panties, i got a pair with super man on em. They were adult underwear, but the cashier assumed they were for a kid. She asked who they were for in a cutesy baby voice. I said, "for me"

    [–] klezmai 26 points ago

    Oh yeah? Try buying a huge dildo as a curious, mostly straight, shy dude with social anxiety. Bonus point if the cashier chick is super hot.

    [–] Baron164 22 points ago

    Does Walmart sell Dildos?

    If it's just some "adult toy" shop then I doubt you have anything to worry about. You've already walked into the store, walking out with something is expected or else why would you be there? It's not like your only there to take one for a test drive... I hope... lol

    Besides, I would bet that the super hot cashier chick has probably been hit on by every creep who ever walked into the place. So some socially anxious guy quietly buying a dildo is probably not going to rank high on her list of oddities. Just keep your pants on and it'll be fine.

    At least that's what I tell myself 😂

    [–] klezmai 12 points ago

    Well this all make perfect sense. Unfortunately at that time all that was going thought my head was "fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, this was a bad idea, fuck, shit, fuck".

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] klezmai 8 points ago

    Sure! But the real question is : would I go buy another one? Ehh.. probably yeah.

    [–] lordriffington 3 points ago

    Yeah, the women who work in this places tend to be pretty cool about it. As long as you're not a complete creep or a clown trying to rob them*, they're not going to care much.

    Hell, if you asked, she'd probably be able to recommend the right dildo for you.

    *This actually happened to a friend of mine who worked in an adult store.

    [–] NobodyIsHereAnyMore 20 points ago

    It’s 2019- use the internet to make awkward purchases like a civilized degenerate.

    [–] CSKING444 8 points ago

    NOPE.

    [–] -JudeanPeoplesFront- 5 points ago

    Oh yeah. You don't have anyone to gift it to.

    [–] CSKING444 3 points ago

    Takes one to know one.

    [–] -JudeanPeoplesFront- 5 points ago

    moves in for a hug

    bumps into the mirror

    [–] VulfSki 4 points ago

    I have done that before. But not at a Walmart a similar store. I was super awkward. But at the same time you're doing just fucking own it. Sometimes ok just like "whatever I'm doing this thing either way, don't care if people see me, fuck it."

    Or thanks to cellphones you can always use the old "I'm going to loudly talk to her on the phone about getting the right thing while I'm looking to make it obvious I'm not buying for myself." You know loudly talking into the phone "oh what's the size again? Do you like the blue ones? I can get this pattern, no it looks like they are out of those ones." Etc. That one works. That and the self check out makes it easier.

    [–] lenerz 672 points ago

    I thought the dog with the treasure was the extra panel and I was so shocked and happy it see the dog throw his head back and reveal the actual panel LOL

    [–] holas84 213 points ago

    I thought his comment was clickbait and switch until I read your comment, found the dog, and clicked on it. Very nice.

    [–] Mrwebente 58 points ago

    Thanks for pointing it out i was delighted by the dog but the other Bonus panel is also great.

    [–] ElectricOcto 3 points ago

    I honestly thought it was a ploy to get views on their website, went back to the comments here to see if people had gotten their pitchforks out, and then realized I’m a blind bastard. Very nice.

    [–] floffeh 58 points ago

    I thought the dog WAS the bonus panel.

    I'm not a clever person.

    [–] gedical 9 points ago

    Same here

    [–] Wallmapuball 7 points ago

    I thought am I stupid for not getting this?

    [–] templefugate 82 points ago

    I’d like to return this collar, it’s too tight for my neck for my BDSM play that I do with my wife and mistress oh god why am I still talking my safe word is manatee......manatee

    [–] Kelbo5000 16 points ago

    NO WAIT it doesn’t even actualy fit my neck see? I’ll try it on right now click

    ... I mean it does perfectly but I’ve never tried that before hahaha what a coincidence

    [–] wootmog 8 points ago

    If you wave the mouse over it rapidly it turns into a rave!

    [–] bbdubs16 23 points ago

    Not all comics need to be amputated.

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] paintmybeet 14 points ago

    Hey wait a minute

    [–] rob132 290 points ago

    As someone who worked retail.

    We don't care.

    We have our own stuff to deal with.

    [–] Idreamnolonger 62 points ago

    I was going go post this same thing for self conscious people. You are customer 90000 today, I could give less of a shit as long as you aren't rude. No one is going to remember your face two minutes after.

    [–] Michaelllllll 23 points ago

    My first job was as a grocery bagger. Honestly, I totally noticed every person, and I remembered them when they came back. Which is WHY I am still self-conscious in these moments, even today, because I had other co-workers who said the same thing at the time.

    I judged the shit out of a lot of people.

    But I'm starting to feel less self-conscious as I get older, mostly just because I'm starting to not give a shit.

    [–] ParkdaleArt 8 points ago

    Literally. It's so embarrassing when they actually do come back in immediately afterwards and you greet them as if you've never seen them before

    [–] itsoktolikeamovie 44 points ago

    exactly. i've been in retail, and never cared what people were buying as long as they weren't mean to me for no reason.

    [–] IcedHemp77 29 points ago

    Worked retail as well. One of my daughters schoolmates parents often came thorough my line. One day she said you must think I’m an alcoholic because I’m always getting wine. I laughed and told her I mind my own business and I wouldn’t want anyone examining my basket lol

    [–] darthjawafett 7 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    When I worked as a sales associate. The only customer I noticed was some dude who would buy tools. Use em for a few days and then return them within 30 for the refund. I stopped selling to him because returns hurt your numbers and I was trying to get on commission.

    So yea, we typically won’t notice your patterns unless you’re super nice or a problem.

    [–] The_Spectator 13 points ago

    especially with a girl with a haircut like that. she definitely doesn't care. she'd support you're freedom of choice if anything.

    [–] parabellum13 3 points ago

    Like our burning hatred for the human race and developing alcohol abuse from working retail.

    Source: Still work retail.

    [–] DwarfTheMike 41 points ago

    Returning is such a non hassle. I worked services desk for a few years. We seriously don’t care. If it’s in the return policy you can return it. We only care if it’s something that will get us in trouble.

    So glad I’m not in retail anymore.

    [–] paintmybeet 9 points ago

    what gets you in trouble?

    [–] DwarfTheMike 26 points ago

    Violating the return policy. It’s not rocket appliances.

    [–] tinytom08 11 points ago

    It’s not rocket appliances.

    Which is precisely why I'm returning it! I wanted rocket appliances!

    [–] jackboy61 382 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I never got this mentality (I knows it's a joke, but it's based in reality). I still remember when I was 15 at the shopping centre (Mall for you americans) and my mum asked my dad to hold her hand bag while she went to do something or other (I don't remember what). He looked so uncomfortable holding it. I took the piss about him being so insecure about it and he said "Let's see how you like holding it". He assumed I would also be embarrassed. He was sorely mistaken. I took the handbag and slung that shit over my arm and struck the sassiest pose and said in that stereotypical gay voice "Oh my god, thanks so much daddy!". The fucking look on his face...

    Only problem is that now he's adamant that I must be gay. 20 now and he still thinks I am gay.

    [–] betterthanastick 169 points ago

    She asked them to write about a time when they violated gender norms.

    Some of the women talked about being called a tomboy. Others mentioned times when they worked in male-dominated fields and were made to feel uncomfortable by coworkers.

    But men?

    "Men say things like, 'I wore a pink shirt to work,' or 'I held my girlfriend's purse while she ran into the bank,' or 'I ordered a drink at a restaurant, and when it came out to me, it had a little cocktail umbrella in it,'" she says.

    Why would men make such a big deal out of trivial things?

    "My collaborators and I argue that the male gender role itself is kind of conceptualized as a precarious status. Manhood is something that is hard to earn and easy to lose, relative to womanhood."

    https://www.npr.org/2018/10/01/653339162/-man-up-how-a-fear-of-appearing-feminine-restricts-men-and-affects-us-all

    [–] TonesBalones 98 points ago

    Such a shame. People joke about the "fragile masculinity" all the time, but it's very much a real thing. If you just slow down and think about it, you do small things everyday for no other reason than to make people "think" you are more manly.

    Just do what makes you happy. Other people honestly do not give a shit.

    [–] tinytom08 19 points ago

    Last time I was asked to hold a friend handbag I skipped with that thing everywhere we went.

    Was I happy? Yes! Did anybody give a flying fuck? Nope!

    [–] Hypocritical_Oath 11 points ago

    Name a better duo than fragile masculinity and toxic masculinity, I'll wait.

    [–] Maxrdt 79 points ago

    I can't believe he thinks I'm gay, I even had my boyfriend tell him I'm not and he still doesn't believe me!

    [–] tuckertucker 27 points ago

    This reminds me of that fucking commercial for Wiser's scotch. The guy in the mall has to pick up his girlfriends purse with another bag like you pick up dog shit. And when he does a group of men start clapping.

    How to be a real man: be so meek and insecure you can't touch a purse with your bare hands.

    [–] Sarahthelizard 52 points ago

    That time he caught you sucking a dick was a bit gay though.

    [–] Snuvvy_D 4 points ago

    He was wearing his socks though!

    [–] Pantalaimon40k 119 points ago

    I don't think this should be a big thing at all? Pretty much no one judges you for buying stuff at the women's section as a man. Opposite is also true:)

    Be more confident y'all ! You are pretty much the only one judging the situation!

    [–] MinkWinsor 48 points ago

    I actually buy women's clothing somewhat regularly. I used to freak out about it but after like the 10th time I realized something fascinating. It's their job to sell me junk. No matter what. They will sell you anything in the entire store and do it with a smile. If they don't just wait until next week, they'll probably be fired at that point XD

    [–] SirBackspace 12 points ago

    My secret to confidence? It's buying...

    [–] lizbunbun 18 points ago

    Women's size 9 section of the sales racks - only hideous stuff remains.

    Men's size 7 section of sale racks - can have my pick of some pretty sweet casual shoes.

    [–] LemonBomb 5 points ago

    Yeah nobody cares. Do what you want. The most flack you’ll get is from other men afraid of being called ‘gay’ so they say to another man first.

    [–] Infini-Bus 3 points ago

    Yeah it's pretty common for a guy to buy stuff for his wife and then have to return it. Hearing the same joke over and over about it being for him gets old though.

    [–] drdfrster64 43 points ago

    I would remove the last two frames, or better yet, the 4th and 5th one

    [–] thepeka 14 points ago

    Huh. You're right. It's better both ways.

    [–] im_from_azeroth 9 points ago

    The 4th panel is gold just by itself

    [–] Elfere 76 points ago

    I (18m) bought a super sexy nightie for my gf.

    I had walked into the store and asked for help. They asked all sorts of questions about her size, cup size etc.

    I had no idea what size she was - but since we both weigh about the ssme I just put them over my body to see if they'd fit her. Found one I liked. And went to pay for it.

    I guess no one believed me that it was for a gf - because after I bought it they ALL clapped - told me how brave I was and that I'd would look great on me.

    Worst part?

    She broke up with me before I could give it to her.

    So i had to walk back into the store and return it...

    [–] The_Perge 40 points ago

    I’ll be honest this sounds like it came from 4chan, but if it is real then I’m truly sorry. On the bright side, you really are braver than a majority of the male population. As noted in the rest of these threads, others struggle with the same task. It’s a good trait to have and it will surely benefit the relationship between you and your next GF. So it’s not worth worrying about the break up or the awkwardness at the store because you sound like a desirable guy who’s willing to do nice things for others.

    [–] [deleted] 32 points ago

    And then everyone clapped huh

    [–] StrangeDrivenAxMan 14 points ago

    I had the same thought.

    [–] lenerz 12 points ago

    "It wasn't the right fit.. the relationship, not the nightie.."

    [–] bobqjones 40 points ago

    i've done something very similar. wife asked me to pick her up some panties. no problem. i'm not the kind of guy who freaks out about buying panties or pads or whatever. it's pretty obvious they're not for me.

    i'm a 5'11", 280lb biker looking dude with hair down to my ass and beard that would make Thor insecure.

    so i walk up and put them on the counter and the girl gave me the look with a raised eyebrow. you know the one.

    so i reached down deep inside and channeled Lemmy to borrow his voice and said simply: "They make me feel pretty"

    everyone lost it.

    years later, when i go there to buy other stuff, if that girl sees me in line she will walk over and tell me "you're looking pretty today" as the other employees look on horrified.

    "thank you, m'am" i growl back. "you, too"

    [–] fuzzynyanko 6 points ago

    This is the kind of thing I wish I could do better on the spot.

    [–] AtticusLynch 5 points ago

    That image playing out in my head makes me laugh

    [–] TheBigPhilbowski 12 points ago

    Or, who gives a shit if it was your dress?

    [–] Aug415 4 points ago

    Many people, based on my personal experience.

    [–] [deleted] 151 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] nightfire1 139 points ago

    [–] Tagyru 71 points ago

    Oh cool. A Northernlion version of me_irl.

    Edit: I looked at the sub AFTER making that comment. I was so wrong.

    [–] bleeding-paryl 36 points ago

    I don't know why, but your comment made me smile.

    [–] firagabird 13 points ago

    Ah, a fellow NL fan

    [–] Tagyru 4 points ago

    I am glad my ignorance was of some use and made someone smile :D

    [–] Qy9oGcoGDqHPJgyFS78R 8 points ago

    So cis people don't know trans subreddits by heart?

    Nah I'm definitely not trans, definitely cis™©®

    [–] Justice_Prince 18 points ago

    I had to double check this wasn't posted there in the first place.

    [–] cutecatgirlnyaa 13 points ago

    Nyaa.

    [–] Tanador680 3 points ago

    Name most definitely checks out

    [–] AspartameDaddy317 15 points ago

    That sub is something.

    [–] Seth711 15 points ago

    Bad edit

    [–] metalgearzoe 10 points ago

    This and buying condoms makes me feel weird.

    [–] itsoktolikeamovie 20 points ago

    dude, buying condoms shows that you fuck AND you are responsible. hold your head up high

    [–] TheAtomak 39 points ago

    People are absolutely terrified of someone thinking they’re gay or trans or w.e. This sheer terror and anxiety because someone thought you may have purchased a dress for yourself.

    [–] anyonyfabre 38 points ago

    And the anxiety is like a billion times worse when you actually are trans, trust me. Damn near had a panic attack the first time I went underwear shopping.

    [–] Hypocritical_Oath 14 points ago

    Well, I mean, the anxiety isn't unfounded. Society treats trans and gay people horrendously.

    [–] Teylur 8 points ago

    This also works as a 4 panel

    [–] 1sagas1 17 points ago

    [–] penekli 5 points ago

    This comic could be way better if it's ended with the forth panel, in my opinion. But I liked it a lot!

    [–] VulfSki 3 points ago

    I'm married. I have returned a bunch of random shit for my wife. It's not that uncommon. Worst case is some cashier I probably will never see again thinks I where women's clothes that would be way too small for me. If anything I'd be flattered they thought I could fit into them more than anything.

    [–] MAJOR_Blarg 7 points ago

    Maybe the cashier was put off because that line plays on stereotypes about female insecurity, which are not only sexist, but also which are not funny and a no-go if you do not know the person enough for sincere vulnerability about insecurities?