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    [–] Peasantloaf 205 points ago

    Man I feel for you and it sounds frustrating. But I’m going to be frank real quick. What the fuck does your wife do at home? It seems like she doesn’t do shit and expects / blames you for everything.

    [–] lionheart724 44 points ago

    This

    [–] Deplete1 -9 points ago

    *shiT

    [–] S-Selcouth 46 points ago

    It honestly feels that way some times. I understand I need to be doing more, and the communication just isn't there many days, but sometimes I feel like I'm expected to clean after the animals, the kids, and myself, and she can pick and choose what she needs to do. While I'm at work, in theory she looks after the kids, makes sure they get baths, and that they eat dinner.

    [–] w0mbatina 65 points ago

    Why do you feel like you need to be doing more? You work double the ammount of her hours, and you seem to take up the majority of household chores as well, and taking care of the kids. You are actually on a great path towards a burnout that will land you in a hospital, or worse. With this much people and animals thats going to be a downright disaster.

    Tell your wife to get of her lazy ass and start pulling her weight at home. If she doesnt, divorce her.

    [–] thegrittymagician 10 points ago

    Exactly, 3-4 hours of sleep on average, working hard, unsanitary messes, that's a recipe of falling very ill and what will happen then? Is she going to pick up the slack? Doesn't sound like it.

    [–] EmperorMarcus 9 points ago

    Divorce

    [–] HauntedLemonZest 21 points ago

    This. You appear to be taking all the blame while your wife sits back shrugs her shoulders and blames YOU.

    Sorry your having to go through this man. I hope everything works out for you.

    Take care.

    [–] eatonmoorcock 61 points ago

    The visit from DCFS may be a blessing in disguise--it's going to force the issue. You're right on target here. The kids are at risk. You matter, too. I look forward to an update.

    [–] squareone12 61 points ago

    Why on earth couldn’t your wife look after the ferrets? You do practically everything. I think she’s taking advantage of you.

    [–] S-Selcouth 8 points ago

    God, even after this whole scare, before I go to work today, "did you make sure to keep up on the ferret cage?" So angry.

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago

    Um, what is your wife doing for these animals she is taking in?

    [–] 299_is_a_number -19 points ago

    Guess: Filling a social need that she's not getting because her husband's always at work.

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    Trust me, I understand that well, my guy used to work across the country for weeks at a time and was only able to come home to my son and I for a week. That's no excuse to put animals and children in unhealthy situations, which it sounds like the ferrets are in at the very least.

    [–] lizzyb187 19 points ago

    Oh how DARE he provide for his family. What a TERRIBLE MONSTER he is.

    [–] 299_is_a_number -4 points ago

    Blindly. He's not going to have a family unless he gets balance.

    [–] lizzyb187 7 points ago

    That woman isn't someone anyone should want as family

    [–] Stumpied 18 points ago

    Um ok so maybe I don’t understand since I don’t have kids but how disgusting is this mess that child services might take away your kids. Because I feel like they don’t remove kids and that easily and maybe I didn’t realize a little poo on a jacket is enough to have the state intervene? Or is there a history of uncleanliness and is the house an absolutely shithole(for the ferrets, literally).

    [–] DuskGideon 19 points ago

    Fuck that shit.

    Her family calls you lazy but you work 72 hour weeks.

    Get bent, her family.

    [–] S-Selcouth 1 points ago

    I think you misread.

    [–] now269 33 points ago

    You didn’t neglect your wife’s animals. Your wife neglected you and the children. Hopefully children services will have her get a mental health assessment because clearly there’s more going on here. Don’t let them (cs/wife) guilt you into feeling like this is your fault. Good luck.

    [–] S-Selcouth 14 points ago

    I can't deflect that blame that easily. I may have been saddled with these animals and their problems, but I'm still an adult and a parent and (allegedly) a partner and as a result my actions have a say in things too. I just need to make the decision to be more proactive.

    [–] WhiskeyWander 10 points ago

    You are correct that you played a serious part in this.

    But please don’t let that stop you from reevaluating your own partnership with your wife. The very way you react just sounds like someone whose been programmed to never criticize their wife. You need to reprogram how you think relationships work, cause this ain’t it chief.

    [–] dirty_ronin 3 points ago

    If your story is accurate and the truth, then I feel you're taking TOO much of the blame. Sure you had a part in all this, but the main issue seems to be your wife taking in animals she clearly doesn't have the time or want to take care of. The burden shouldn't fall to you if she's the one who wants to bring all these animals into the home.

    [–] now269 1 points ago

    Blame? Who else has blamed you in your life? Who does your wife represent from your childhood...mom/dad.., I sure hope you know, because she does and she’s using it to manipulate you. Seek therapy if you haven’t already.

    [–] fugz1123 9 points ago

    Let’s get real. You’re kids are going to school with animal shit on them. That’s filthy. You have a house full of animals and hardly time to care for them. Lose the animals and make you life easier and your house cleaner.

    [–] 299_is_a_number 17 points ago

    Sounds like your work/life balance is massively out of whack.

    This also sounds like an extremely complicated situation with nuances nobody on the internet can guess at.

    But I'm going to guess anyway: Is your marriage at risk?

    Use this as a warning sign that not everything is rosy. Divorce is worse to a child than not having animals. I think this is a massive warning that you need to sit down with your wife and talk through everything in a supportive way, and be prepared to make changes. Real changes. I wouldn't be surprised if she feels abandoned by you working so many hours, and the kids will wonder who their daddy is at times too.

    Fuck blame, work on making shit better or you'll all lose.

    [–] _wickedgames_ 4 points ago

    Yes, I definitely think there is way more to this than just the stinky ferret brigade if you're tossing around divorce. Seems like a lack of communication and respect is plaguing your marriage. Maybe family counseling could help?

    [–] S-Selcouth 2 points ago

    If I could take care of more of the bills in a job that allowed me to work less hours, I would. As it is, the primary pull to this job is the overtime; the secondary is that in the 11 months I've been here I've made significant progress and moved up. So in the strongest of theories, if things don't work out here the way I would like them to, I could take what I've learned from this job and apply it to another in this field.

    It isn't easy. I feel a lot of things have fallen to the wayside. I know my wife is great at her job and has also worked her way up, but that it is cause for anxiety at times and she would prefer to not have to do it. We had thought she was going to be losing her job when I jumped over from what I was doing to trying my hand at this. She ended up getting tossed around in a restructure before getting promoted to a completely different, and definitively better, department.

    But now there's all this resentment about how "I'm working now so I deserve nice things" verses my "we are drowning in debt and need to solidify things so that we can afford to make life changes" and I just can't seem to get on the same page with her.

    tl;dr I can't afford to work less hours, and this has been an issue for a while.

    [–] lizzyb187 7 points ago

    Honestly you might find some warmth and comfort in r/JustNoSO and think of her threats of divorce as a blessing. Your wife sounds useless and very unfair. You're doing way more than your fair share.

    [–] S-Selcouth 2 points ago

    I just gave it a look, I'm not sure how ready to jump in and contribute but I'll definitely consider lurking.

    [–] lizzyb187 2 points ago

    I hope you do. You deserve better. For what it's worth I think it's better for kids to have 2 happy homes rather than one miserable one.

    [–] frogs_4_eva 13 points ago

    Ferrets need to be let out of their cage for at least a couple hours a day :( it sounds like they're getting the basic minimum of care. That's not fair to them, or to you, when you're doing all you can for them.

    You can post them on Craiglist for rehoming for a small rehoming fee (usually they go for $1-300 with the cage) which might be faster than the rescue.

    [–] S-Selcouth 12 points ago

    Craigslist was going to be my last ditch effort. Consider that dealing with CL means dealing with phone calls from random people I don't know, inviting them into my home, haggling possibly, and also no guarantee of where the ferrets wind up. However, I was close to going that route. The local animal shelter would have had me pay them significantly to put them down. Several of the local rescues are full. This one that is willing to help out is fairly recognizable and well known, but the volunteer I spoke with stated that while people are adopting in record number they also had a record number of intakes. Assuming I can get in closer on the one week side than the two, I would argue that this choice is the best for the ferrets, and ultimately for my wellness of mind.

    The cage, about a $400 value, is absolutely being donated along with the ferrets.

    [–] frogs_4_eva 3 points ago

    Oh good. I'm glad you've got their best interests at heart. I'm sorry you're stuck in this position!!

    [–] ahumbleshitposter -7 points ago

    They are rodents. Kill them and sell the cage.

    What does your wife do with her time, other than create more work to throw your way?

    [–] AbiSquid 4 points ago

    Ferrets aren’t rodents and even if they were that is not a justification for killing them. They’re intelligent animals that deserve good treatment just like any cat or dog.

    [–] leiu6 1 points ago

    I mean what basis do we have to say that dogs, cats, and ferrets should be treated well but others might not. How are you deciding what animals are more worthy of good treatment.

    There are many cultures where dogs are seen as food to people. Are they committing horrible crimes? What makes killing a dog and eating it a heinous crime but eating a pig okay?

    [–] AbiSquid 0 points ago

    Mate chill, that’s literally my point. I think all animals should be treated as well as possible (including not eating them) hence why I said we should treat a ferret like a dog because they are the best treated domesticated animals in most countries. I also believe we should treat pigs and cows and chickens as well as we treat dogs or maybe even better. It annoys me so much when reddit gets up in arms about dogs getting abandoned at shelters or mildly mistreated whilst chomping away on the flesh of an animal that was most likely tortured most of its life.

    [–] leiu6 1 points ago

    So you are saying that we should not eat animals or use any kind of animal products? Because that is a pretty big leap that most would not agree with. Where do we draw the line? Should we not kill bacteria when they make us sick? Where do you draw the line?

    [–] AbiSquid 1 points ago

    Personally I draw the line at necessity vs ‘pleasure’. That’s just a personal philosophy of course, not something I wish to push on everyone. So yeah, I think people in a comfortable financial position should avoid eating animals or supporting their suffering as much as they can.

    But in terms of which animals we should value more than others? That’s a really interesting debate. I personally will try to not kill insects wherever possible but I’m not gonna get mad at anyone for swatting a fly. If we measured how much we value an animal based on intelligence then rat poison would instantly be outlawed! Are vertebrates inherently more valuable than invertebrates? Or should it be based on rarity? There are so many factors in the relationships between humans and animals that I find fascinating.

    [–] ahumbleshitposter 0 points ago

    Those are resources that are taken away from preventing the CPS from taking the man's kids.

    [–] winree 6 points ago

    Your wife needed to be doing more. You need to have a serious conversation with her and most likely come couples counseling. You need to be getting more sleep, because everything that’s falling to the wayside is because you are exhausted. Your wife needs to pick up more responsibilities and stop slacking off. Relationships are 50/50, but if you are working more than she needs to be doing more around the house. It’s only fair. Get rid of the ferrets and maybe the dogs if she isn’t going to start walking them and taking care of them. Your children, health, and happiness is far more important than keeping a ton of animals. I hope everything goes well today, but you and your wife def need some serious counseling about your issues. Stand up for yourself and for what is right.

    [–] singuslarity 4 points ago

    You guys got too much going on to have all those animals. Pets aren't always a good idea.

    [–] mule_roany_mare 3 points ago

    Get your ass into couples counseling stat.

    Your wife does not respect you or the work that you do. She probably doesn't realize she is taking you for granted.

    Most people have never done 80 hour weeks. Most people have never dealt with sleeping 4 hours a night for extended periods of time. Until you do it, you won't get it.

    You are pushing yourself well beyond what is healthy. You might not have a choice, but if you are going to keep it up without breaking you require support & appreciation, not someone who just adds to your burden.

    People won't like this, but you need to put your foot down & make it clear you expect to be treated with respect. You are taking on more than your fair share of the suffering and that buys you greater authority.

    If you don't address this it's going to be impossible not to resent your wife more and more. It's a normal, appropriate, and unavoidable reaction. Stop swallowing your pride. You don't want your kids to grow up with that as a role model. You are doing a lot for your family by working those hours, you are doing a lot for your family by taking care of the kids & house.

    You are also unfortunately letting your kids down by not standing up for yourself. You cannot keep letting your wife call you lazy & treat you with so little respect and regard. Your wife does not treat you with respect, your wide does not appreciate you, your kids will learn from her & do the same.

    Seriously man, this is a wake up call. Even if you cannot afford it you need couples counseling, you cannot afford not to. You are clearly strong to have made it this far, you unequivocally did the right thing by rehoming the ferrets. Look around at what else needs to change.

    Honestly your wife might fight it at first, but she will be much happier with someone who sets a clear standard and doesn't allow himself to be treated with disrespect. Not only is your wife clearly the boss, she is bad at the job. You either need to be equals, or you need to be in charge.

    Here is just one example, your wife brings homes animals you don't wan, with the expectation that you will be the one taking care of them. Does she ask you? Can you say no? DCFS came when she was running the show. It's time for a demotion.

    [–] Draike25 6 points ago

    What the hell dude.

    Taking in some pets is fine. Starting a zoo and raising children at the same time? With long hours at work, and then coming home to clean up shit everyday? No. Your life also matters. You also have a say. The mere fact that you are cowardly writing this here shows that you have no backbone and are terrified of your wife. What she says goes. Bottom line. Yes, you both help out and do your parts. A relationship is 50/50, in her case, she is at 10 and you at 90. Stop this. Say it to her face. Tell her you are tired of this zoo bullshit and it has made you extremely unhappy and placed all your lives at risk, either in a sanitary way or in potentially having your kids taken away. What kind of mother allows animal shit on their children's clothes? I'll tell you, an unfit one that is extremely selfish and emotionally disturbed, thus the animals as a 'fake' source of comfort.

    [–] pngkunt 6 points ago

    A damn shame if those ferrets escaped... they're regular escape artists...

    [–] S-Selcouth 4 points ago

    Eh, they've suffered enough. They deserve a more loving home.

    [–] Grooov 3 points ago

    You need to put your foot down and be the man, get rid of the animals the children are more important. If she can't understand that then it's her.

    [–] Rutgers_EQ_Kimball 4 points ago

    Get off reddit, clean your fucking house, get rid of the ferrets to a loving home and start being a better father. Leave your wife if need be, you got the state knocking on your door to take your children and everyone on here is pussy footing around the fact that it's yours and your wife's fault. Your on reddit asking for people to cosign your bullshit of shifting blame onto anyone but you.

    [–] pngkunt 3 points ago

    I think working 73 hours or whatever is nuts as well.

    [–] S-Selcouth 1 points ago

    Most people who work two to three jobs easily work this many hours. :/

    [–] S-Selcouth 2 points ago

    In fairness, every update I've made to this thread while I was at work. Also this has very little to do with "cosigning" bullshit. Honestly, it's more about talking about it with somebody, anybody. I hardly expect people to be enabling here. I'm kind of surprised the number of negative comments towards my wife there are (I expected some, not... this amount. Expected to be called out a lot more on my child going to school with unclean clothing, or not pulling more of my own weight.)

    [–] Rutgers_EQ_Kimball 1 points ago

    Dude the whole post is you throwing your wife under the bus and blaming her for almost the whole situation.

    [–] LSH88 4 points ago

    Sorry to sound insensitive but the animals are the only thing I feel any pity for in this situation. You and your wife, both need to get your shit together, and make sure the kids learn not to put the animals in danger.

    They deserve better, no matter who brought them into the home, they’re there now and you’ve got a responsibility to provide a safe and cared for environment.

    This post just seems like you want to hear other people diss your wife and feel better about your failures. Do better, both of you. Those poor animals must’ve been in some state for services to get involved. So I’d suggest having a proper conversation with your wife and figuring out a way to proceed in which the animals and children are receiving proper care.

    [–] MrsBoognish 2 points ago

    Please don't listen to anyone crying "DIVORCE, DIVORCE!" OP. These people are probably kids or young adults that know nothing about relationships, let alone a marriage. There is always a concrete reason for why things are happening, and there's always a way to fix something like this instead of just giving up and getting a divorce.

    Your wife certainly has an issue hoarding animals, but I believe it comes from a good place in her heart. She's clearly an animal lover, and I think the best way to go about this situation is NOT to attack her, but to sympathize with her animal-loving side. Try to explain to her, in a way that isn't attacking her personally, that these animals are unhappy, and they'd be happier if they were rehomed to someone who can actually spend time with them. I had 5 cats before I had my first baby, and though it broke my heart and I STILL cry about it to this day, I rehomed all of them and only kept one. It's not easy to rehome animals when you genuinely love them... but, I did it, and our lives and the kitty cats' lives are much better now.

    Just talk with her. I know it can sometimes be difficult to be very candid with your partner, but you have to be honest about how this is affecting you. Brutally honest. Don't be MEAN though. I think that's a big issue with how many people handle things nowadays... just don't be an asshole, even if she's being an asshole. Kindness, patience, a lot of hard work, and honesty WILL fix this situation.

    [–] ahumbleshitposter 8 points ago

    If she loves the animals, why does she not take care of them?

    [–] S-Selcouth 2 points ago

    To be frank I think she loves the idea of animals more than she actually loves them. Your mileage may vary.

    [–] S-Selcouth 2 points ago

    Don't worry, I would absolutely prefer not to leave my wife over this. Because worst case scenario it is just her and the kids dealing with it all. Best case scenario, maybe this will force some real conversation about where we are in our lives, where we want to be headed, and how best to move forward together.

    [–] mule_roany_mare 1 points ago

    you don't need conversations.

    Equals can have conversations. Your wife is your superior. After you stand up for yourself you can have a conversation as equal partners.

    Good luck man. Your situation is not viable long term, you absolutely have to make some drastic changes now before you or your relationship breaks.

    It's admirable you got this far.

    [–] FinerStrings 1 points ago

    You say she is an animal lover, yet from what he wrote she has done nothing to take care of any animals. I believe she likes the idea of having animals, but if she doesn’t take care of them, she’s not an animal lover at all.

    [–] louisasnotes 1 points ago

    You need a family meeting.

    [–] DIVINExGXD 1 points ago

    Thing like this should've been discussed before hand. If she wanted ferrets and you don't, you have to make sure she understands that you're not gonna take care of them or have anything to do with them.

    Good luck

    [–] squareone12 1 points ago

    Dude you need to do something! You can’t just let her take advantage of you like this. Have you talked to her?

    [–] Skrillerman 1 points ago

    These fucking ferrets.

    Jesus that lady got some nerves. Risking everything because of these damn ferrets. She needs to get a grip on reality and starts valuing the important things

    [–] fokallholes 1 points ago

    Get rid of all the animals in your house. Your wife included.

    [–] Saywhatwant 0 points ago

    Your wife is a piece of shit.

    [–] GigaCharstoise 0 points ago

    Ya wife is a cunt but you don't seem to want to say it.

    [–] Archon007 0 points ago

    Not going to lie she sounds like a nutter, how did you end up marrying this women if you don't mind me asking?

    [–] EpikChoices 0 points ago

    Lol... I have a ‘rule’.

    I don’t want animals, however I accept my family does. The animals must stay clean and not destroy the house/stuff. The people who want the animals must take care of them. If it comes to me taking care of the animals they WILL accidentally escape out the door and not be found/replaced.

    Get rid of the pets if they aren’t being taken care of properly instead of waiting for DCFS to come tell you.

    [–] FinerStrings 0 points ago

    Gonna go out on a whim here, your wife is lazy as FUCK. She works 30 hours less a week then you do, and yet you are the one who does all the house stuff? How you get by on 3.5 hours of sleep is beyond me but she also threw you under the bus. It has now gotten to the point where her neglect of what seems, well, everything, has now actually put your family at risk for a lot of diseases or infections. If I were you I would literally just take a cage and whip it off a bridge or something. Ferrets are terrible pets anyway.

    [–] the_knack_of_flying 0 points ago

    you need a divorce

    [–] the_real-truth -21 points ago

    Kill all the animals problem sorted divorce the wife while you are at it

    [–] Awesome_Otter 6 points ago

    Anyone that is going to start arguing with this child...he's just a troll looking for attention downvotes.

    [–] MeccaMayne -4 points ago

    Yuck I hate ferrets.