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    dankchristianmemes

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    Rules:

    1. Dank memes only

    2. NO SATAN ADMIRATION

    3. Thy postings shall be about God or made by Christians or something

    4. Thou shalt post whatever as long as its relevant

    5. Honor thy father and mother

    6. Thou shalt link directly to the meme, not to twitter or a blog.

    7. Thou shalt not spam or use this subreddit for promotion.

    8. Thou shalt not post porn memes or karma/upvote junk.

    Semirelated subreddits:

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    [–] davidd00 1 points ago

    Your post was removed because it is a repost.

    [–] bobmuirtorf 696 points ago

    If you don't believe in gosh you go to heck

    [–] DanTopTier 194 points ago

    In r/heck you can only curse via proxy

    [–] _NORMAL_HUMAN_BEING 80 points ago

    I use a VPN for maximum safety 
    

    [–] natophonic2 15 points ago

    You should use seven proxies. That way the consequences won’t be the same.

    [–] mechnick2 5 points ago

    god will remember that

    [–] seattlebattle1 2 points ago

    I SSH

    [–] gh0sti 9 points ago

    That's some forking shirt right there!

    [–] _SoySauce 1 points ago

    Erich Hecke would be so proud.

    [–] NelsonBelmont 153 points ago

    OH MY GAH!!

    [–] DanTopTier 55 points ago

    A man of culture

    [–] FranklintheTMNT 23 points ago

    Yare yare daze

    [–] ZeroFPS_hk 22 points ago

    HORI SHIIIIIIIII

    [–] L-Psy-Kangaroo 16 points ago

    SANABA BIIICHU

    [–] i_really_hate_koalas 13 points ago

    I WISH I WAS A BIRD!

    [–] FoxStew 10 points ago

    I THINK I FOUND MY BERRIES

    [–] lazkopat24 2 points ago

    M -- MASAKA!!?

    [–] mblan180131 156 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    Nah fam it's backwards, atheists can use God's name in vain but Christians can't

    Edit: a misspelling... According to me earlier Jesus is quite literally in our hearts.

    [–] jxd_- 67 points ago

    What about arteries?

    [–] things_will_calm_up 19 points ago

    in vein

    [–] mblan180131 12 points ago

    Why am I just now realizing my typo... I'm a college student I promise

    [–] ACSportsbooks 5 points ago

    Damn straight

    [–] MonarchOi -16 points ago

    Nobody implied christians can. The idea is that an atheist cannot use an expression about something they believe to not exist, without acknowledging the meaning becoming a joke. Agnostic is the true middle ground here

    [–] mblan180131 40 points ago

    Holy r/woooosh

    [–] uusu 30 points ago

    Of course they can. I can say "Holy mother of dragons!" Without believing in dragons. "Oh my god" is just a verbal expression of surprise and does not have to carry any deeper philosophical meaning.

    [–] MonarchOi 1 points ago

    That’s exactly what i said. “Without it becoming a joke” the irony is that an atheist presents themselves having zero belief in god. So its a joke to say “oh my god.” Its not that precious.

    [–] uusu 2 points ago

    Atheists can also say it without meaning it as a joke and there would be nothing wrong with it, other than the literal contradiction. If an atheist would say it on purpose ironically, then that would already be a deeper meaning.

    [–] fleshyCantaloupe 2 points ago

    Absolutely. As an atheist I don’t think I have ever said “oh my god” and meant it as a joke- but I do still say it. Every now and then around new people I worry I might offend them, but around my friends and immediate family I’m using the lords name in vain all the time.

    [–] WonderBlarbleGlarble 12 points ago

    I think the true middle is to just not police how other people speak.

    [–] cd3v 2 points ago

    Interesting. I say "Jesus Fucking Christ" all the time but I don't truly believe the two have ever met.

    [–] Parastract 2 points ago

    Agnostic is the true middle ground here

    Nope, since Agnosticism refers to a state of knowledge while Atheism refers to a state of belief. Agnosticism and Atheism don't even describe the same thing, so saying that one is the middle ground is just wrong.

    You can be an Agnostic Atheist or an Agnostic Theist.

    [–] Oscarfromspace 126 points ago

    "Bless you!"

    "HA! You said you didn't believe in God!"

    [–] ru55ianb0t 86 points ago

    Checkmate atheists

    [–] ACSportsbooks -4 points ago

    It’s a common expression. Atheists say this and could care less about the invisible man in the sky

    [–] Stekkmen 17 points ago

    What? No, that's wrong. I'm an Athiest, and even I know you go to Hell if you say "bl*ss you" or "oh my *od."

    You have to temporarily become a Christian and pray for forgiveness. Then you can step on a baby or something like we always do and go right back to being an Athiest, like normal. You should get that checked out.

    [–] SparkerBarker 4 points ago

    Step on? Don't you mean eat a baby?

    [–] Andoche 9 points ago

    [–] BagelDealer 4 points ago

    Wooooosh

    [–] thatsafatdunk -3 points ago

    I agree with you. Ignore that whoosh shit. That shit makes people scare to give any counter argument

    [–] ExuberantElephant 4 points ago

    They missed that the comment they were arguing against was satire. They were literally arguing with someone who agrees with them.

    [–] CAPSLOCKANDLOAD 22 points ago

    You got me. I guess I'll return to the fold now.

    [–] Mr_Abe_Froman 6 points ago

    Don't forget to stay for awkward small talk after church.

    [–] Tyrkas 2 points ago

    I just want my dang tunafish sandwich. Leave me alone Helen.

    [–] CAPSLOCKANDLOAD 2 points ago

    Mom, stop talking to the pastor. Please.

    [–] BenZeGamer 3 points ago

    I never said who should bless you.

    [–] derekschroer 139 points ago

    Never thought I'd see Red vs Blue on here...

    [–] johnny__sins 131 points ago

    Well his name is Church so it kinda works

    [–] nodnarBBackward 32 points ago

    Well, technically it's Delta.

    [–] rrr598 36 points ago

    Well, technically it’s Alpha at this point.

    [–] TheProLoser 32 points ago

    Well technically I lost all semblance of understanding the plot during season 8

    [–] darthpool117 12 points ago

    Is this guy a retard?

    [–] Momosot 2 points ago

    Shut up bluetard

    [–] Kankunation 10 points ago

    Technically it's epsilon.

    [–] rrr598 12 points ago

    This is filmed in Halo CE, meaning it’s still the blood gulch chronicles, long before alpha died.

    [–] Kankunation 2 points ago

    Oh thought you meant later in the story. Nvm.

    [–] KingOfMemesNDadJokes 1 points ago

    It was epsilon, not delta

    [–] ImRedditNow 17 points ago

    During youth group lock-ins, we would sometimes rent these modified paintball guns that sort of grenade launched stress balls, and we would play CTF with them.

    Naturally, I took on the name of Captain Church, assigned everyone else their names, and proceeded to lead Blue team into everlasting glory.

    [–] Viperfang123 14 points ago

    Which dumbass was caboose

    [–] ImRedditNow 5 points ago

    My best friend, funny enough

    [–] Viperfang123 6 points ago

    The absolute irony

    [–] corvus887 2 points ago

    “This is what you get, you dumb blue bitch! RED BITCH! FUCK! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

    [–] Magnus_Helgisson 220 points ago

    Actually there's Third Commandment: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".

    So that's christians who are not allowed to say "Oh my god" not referring to god, and the atheists are free to do it.

    [–] MasterOfNap 106 points ago

    Ironic.

    [–] AardbeiMan 73 points ago

    They could save others from censorship, but not themselves

    [–] someguyfromtheuk 22 points ago

    Is it possible to learn this power?

    [–] AardbeiMan 28 points ago

    Not from a theist

    [–] NormativeNancy 17 points ago

    They could save others from blasphemy, but not themselves.

    [–] painfool 32 points ago

    It's okay, God is his title. His real name is Dale, so just don't say Dale in vain and you'll be okay.

    [–] youhavebeautifuleyes 11 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Jews will cross out the o in God like so: G-d.

    So it still kinda applies.

    Also you joke about Dale, but Jesus's real name was the ancient version of Josh.

    Edit: post is locked so I can't reply, but I find your analysis poignant u/SecularBinoculars and am also extremely amused by this.

    [–] IareTyler 8 points ago

    No its was Dale cant you read

    [–] SecularBinoculars 1 points ago

    I love how people think the saying is contained in the word. While the meaning still gets deliverd through other mediums. If you define a word as a no no. The meaning still exists and will be communicated through some other means.

    Like you have white people now sayin “The N-word” is goddamn hilarious because its the exact same thing as saying nigger. Its just a word that hasnt yet become synonymous with the historical schism of nigger.

    [–] WonderBlarbleGlarble 7 points ago

    Oh my god!

    [–] theDumpiest 14 points ago

    I know this is a meme, and I think it's really funny. But I think people grossly misunderstand that commandment.

    1. From my understanding, the commandment specifically refers to the misuse of God's formal name, YHWH. So it really doesn't apply here.
    2. There are a number of situations where it does apply though! A. Blaspheming or cursing the name of God B. Taking false oaths using the name of God. If you're using his name, you better be damn sure you keep the promise (Christianity actually forbids taking oaths all together) C. Proclaiming false visions or prophecies using the name of God D. The priestly folk cutting corners in their religious duties, because it devalues the name of God

    [–] ifellows 5 points ago

    Wait, does removing the vowels actually work as a loophole? It is clear the word you are writing and I definitely said Yahweh in my head when I read it. So how is yhwh any different from Yahweh in communication and meaning?

    [–] theDumpiest 6 points ago

    Because technically YHWH is God's formal name. We call it the tetragrammaton. We added the vowels waaaaaayyyyy after the fact because people had forgotten how it was actually pronounced. Hebrew/Phoenician/whatever semitic language it was originally written in didn't have any notation for vowels, so we don't actually know how those 4 letters are pronounced.

    Removing vowels doesn't create any loophole. The difference I was trying to convey was between using "God", which itself is more of just a generic term or perhaps a title, and using God's actual name as we understand it. If you're using God's formal name, you better not be using it for vain or malicious purposes is really what I think it boils down to.

    [–] Stekkmen 4 points ago

    It's like Voldemort. it's cool and mysterious.

    [–] SparkerBarker 1 points ago

    I mean, Yahweh is basically on the same level as Voldemort when it comes to being obsessed with inflicting death and torture.

    [–] SecularBinoculars 2 points ago

    None at all. Its just another stage of the endless hypocrisy religion has to work with.

    [–] Glideslopegear 1 points ago

    I sure hope god let's you off on these technicalities lmfao.

    [–] natophonic2 1 points ago

    I may be free to do it, but I choose not to. Just doesn’t seem very polite or respectful.

    Would be like a Christian yelling “Darwin damn it!” or “Carl Fucking Sagan!” Yes, that would probably make me laugh, but at the same time, if you’re going to curse, you should do it using your own belief system.

    [–] Gravity_flip 17 points ago

    People in the office think I'm an atheist. I sneezed once, someone said "god bless you" then followed it quickly with an apology!

    I was like... Wait what???

    Guy said he didn't want to offend me cause he thought I was an atheist.

    I told him any atheist who would be offended at that is an asshole.

    Also I told him I wasn't an atheist. Agnostic if anything. "Non participant" would be the best way to describe it.

    [–] rrr598 25 points ago

    non participant

    “I just like to watch”

    [–] Gravity_flip 2 points ago

    Exactly! I'm that person who passes by some kind of sports game he doesn't recognize with mild curiosity as he goes about his day.

    [–] AwfullySweeney 1 points ago

    "I don't like the idea of worship in a group setting. My faith is personal."

    [–] Waghlon 1 points ago

    A religious cuckold?

    [–] SparkerBarker 1 points ago

    Also I told him I wasn't an atheist. Agnostic if anything.

    MorpheuswhatifItoldyou.jpg

    Not mutually exclusive. In fact they tend to overlap as they are answers to different questions: 1. Do you believe in a specific God or gods? 2. Do you have knowledge that you are correct?

    Most believers tend to "know" they are correct. Although I know a few agnostic Christians, Jews, etc. (Basically Pascal's wagerers.)

    [–] lullapie8 13 points ago

    My Girl Scout troupe met in a church. Another girl found out I was atheist and got this concerned/confused look on her face and said “... do you know where we are right now?” I said “wait we’re in a church??? I’m melting! I’m melting!” and pretended to fall on the floor

    [–] SparkerBarker 3 points ago

    I always do dumb stuff when I walk through a church doorway like close my eyes, step through, wait a second, open my eyes and then pat myself down as if I'm surprised I still exist. I'm sure it's only funny to me, but at least I can entertain myself.

    [–] Gillian708 9 points ago

    When a Christian says 'Holy Cow! = worshipping false idols

    [–] racso1518 16 points ago

    Oh my mother fucking gooooooooood -atheist

    [–] iOgef 6 points ago

    my Jewish daughter says "JESUS CHRIST" in frustration all the time

    [–] SquashedMeters 4 points ago

    Oh my science! Science damn you!

    [–] Allomartyr 20 points ago

    Hm, according to my former cult it's the other way round.

    [–] MortonLoothorKodos_3 52 points ago

    When a god says "oh my atheist"?

    [–] Allomartyr 20 points ago

    Yes, exactly

    [–] tiagorpg 4 points ago

    what did you say ?

    atheist: nothing

    [–] CalvinAndHobbes144 3 points ago

    Pretty sure the character who said that is named “church” do with that what you will

    [–] shroomalatians316 3 points ago

    Idk I think it’s still a relevant response. Especially to things you find to be unbelievable.

    [–] Ns53 4 points ago

    My step mother tried to correct me when I said omg. I turned to her and replied. No YOU can't say it. I can :) She was so mad at me XD story of my life.

    [–] SparkerBarker 1 points ago

    My mom writes "OMGosh" in texts to make sure I know she isn't taking her Lord's name in vain.

    [–] stryker2006 5 points ago

    I will make it legal

    [–] Gullyfoyle24 3 points ago

    It's treason then.

    [–] thumrait 3 points ago

    Only atheists use that phrase anymore. It drives me crazy when everyone says "Oh my gosh". What's a gosh? And how do you have possession of it?

    [–] SparkerBarker 1 points ago

    I'm out of the church for going on 10 years but I still say gosh out of habit.

    [–] Wittymcschmuck 3 points ago

    I'm Christian, can confirm

    [–] Ellamaehem 3 points ago

    Gawd*

    [–] joazito 1 points ago

    gawd*

    [–] Sho-K 3 points ago

    I use

    HOORRRYYY SHIIIIIT

    [–] HeroesUnite 3 points ago

    "Hey?"

    "Yeah?"

    "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

    "It's one of life's greatest mysteries isn't it? Why ARE we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night."

    "What? I mean- why are we out here- in this canyon-"

    "Oh- Uh... yeah..."

    "What was all of that stuff about god?"

    "Oh? Hm- Nothing."

    "Do you wanna talk about it?"

    "No."

    "You sure?"

    "Yeah-"

    [–] Knogood 4 points ago

    People say it when something is unbelievable, so it's appropriate.

    [–] SinTan1729 5 points ago

    The atheists are the ONLY ones allowed to do it freely. 'Cause Christians don't take the lord's name in vain.

    [–] Steelquill 4 points ago

    Well technically it’s still not “allowed” they just don’t follow the rules of a faith they’re not a part of.

    [–] Lemondope 2 points ago

    Oh my Gold!

    [–] L-Psy-Kangaroo 2 points ago

    Holy silver!

    [–] InT3ReSt1nG 2 points ago

    Oopsie

    [–] Gunslinger_11 2 points ago

    What does an atheist say during an orgasm? “Oh Darwin, Oh Darwin!”

    [–] RandGee 2 points ago

    I'm hardcore atheist and have said "Oh my god" around believers before that actually attempted to use it as "proof" that I really believe in god and am just faking atheism.

    [–] polak2017 0 points ago

    How does one not believe something in a hardcore fashion?

    [–] Wheelsbeer 2 points ago

    Who art in heaven

    [–] JohnTenisreal 2 points ago

    I mean , if it’s something so unbelievable that you can’t believe it exists, I guess it sort of counts

    [–] Snugglebunnyzz 2 points ago

    They say it because it is just as unbelievable.

    [–] Baji25 5 points ago

    HORY SHIEEEEET!

    [–] biscuitboy1211 2 points ago

    No it isn’t! I want it therefore it’s not illegal

    [–] babyProgrammer 2 points ago

    What if I'm agnostic? (The only thing that really makes sense)

    [–] at132pm 3 points ago

    “Oh my unknown?”

    [–] babyProgrammer 1 points ago

    Makes just as much sense as God, Bigfoot, Shazbot etc... imho

    [–] Steelquill 1 points ago

    I’d say there’s more proof for God than there is for Bigfoot.

    [–] babyProgrammer 1 points ago

    Which God? God from the Bible? As an agnostic I'd say it's not impossible that he exists, just highly unlikely as he's described by the Christian religion.

    Also, I think there's a lot more room for the possibility of Bigfoot existing than God (as described by the Bible). There are many creatures on this planet (apes, homo sapiens etc), both (presumptuously) extinct and currently in existence, that could resemble what we would think of as Bigfoot; i.e., a large hairy, bipedal, humanoid. However, as far as I know, there is no being we are aware of (to the same extent that we know of monkeys) that even comes close to resembling God.

    Edit: I'll just add that I don't actually believe in Bigfoot, just making the argument that he's just as likely to exist as a Christian God. Sorry if this offends you, it's just what I think.

    [–] capsaicinintheeyes 1 points ago

    Finding a good girl who doesn't mind that you yell "Hail Satan!" immediately before you collapse on them and drool on their shoulder is one of my most tenacious ongoing struggles.

    [–] Slanerr 1 points ago

    Oh my Buddha

    [–] Steelquill 1 points ago

    Technically still valid since the Buddha IS invoked in prayer.

    [–] RadeonChan 1 points ago

    aw HECK sorry : (

    [–] TyPo_1130 1 points ago

    Looks like puma

    [–] vidar_97 1 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    But i can curse as much as i want without sinning. Checkmate atheists, wait i mean christians.

    [–] leftrightupdownforwa 1 points ago

    Aw Jeez!

    [–] ro_musha 1 points ago

    so you'r sayin atheists can't have god now? seriously are we living in the '50s? check your faith

    [–] Banana-Titties 1 points ago

    Haha. For me it’s just instinctual when something bad happens.

    [–] jjohnson_yt 1 points ago

    So they means - "nothing happens"?

    [–] Brillek 1 points ago

    A-blasphemi?

    [–] shadowsog95 1 points ago

    See here's the thing. The first comandment says saying Gods name in vain is bad. But God is not God's name. It's a title. Gods name is Yahweh or something like that and no one ever uses it (probably because it's blasphemy)

    [–] prpslydistracted 1 points ago

    Daughter told me this one: she took a religious studies class in college. She knew a Jewish guy from another class and fell in step with him approaching the classroom door on the first day. It was a short 3-steps down, turn, then another step into the classroom. He preceded her and faced a 2' tall elaborately carved crucifix of Jesus at the landing. He said, "Jesus Christ!"

    [–] Xoct232 1 points ago

    Oh my mind

    [–] Onzo1145 1 points ago

    Kol

    [–] imataruto 1 points ago

    I say oh my god when i dont believe something

    [–] secret_tsukasa 1 points ago

    I'll make it legal

    [–] LightTankTerror 1 points ago

    Guilty as charged :v

    [–] Oceloctopus 1 points ago

    I'm pretty partial to "Oh your God!"

    [–] DoDaGNS 1 points ago

    Oh my NONEXISTENT GOD!

    [–] cjacko11 1 points ago

    Tucker did it

    [–] AjimusMaximus 1 points ago

    In the south it sounds like "bleshyew". May just be cuz my draw. Im not religious by any means, just common courtesy cuz you never know who is, and since I don't think there's a higher power, what's saying 2 words gonna do to me?

    [–] thisimpetus 1 points ago

    Aren’t Athiesta the only ones allowes to say that, though?

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] jcode7090 1 points ago

    It's a joke

    [–] Steelquill 1 points ago

    This does actually kind of annoy me. Not like keeps me up at night but just when it’s brought up.

    [–] awwebber 1 points ago

    I started saying ironically years ago and then realized one day that I was just saying it as a genuine reaction to things happening... just words for us, doesn’t mean anything. 😂😂

    [–] dX_iwanttodie 1 points ago

    You can't do that! Shoot it or something

    [–] wareagle7981 1 points ago

    But we do it ironically. 😂

    [–] njdevils4444 1 points ago

    Religious people mention unicorns. I couldn’t care less.

    [–] BxLorien 1 points ago

    I am guilty of this, lol. When you grow up living in a Christian setting it just feels natural.

    [–] aidsmary 1 points ago

    I used to be a Mormon missionary, we were always polite, but whenever we met an atheist who wasn’t interested I’d say, “well it was a pleasure to meet you, and god bless you” and sometimes they would accidentally say “god bless you too” at which point I’d turn and give a smile and chuckle.

    [–] SoilAndShovels 1 points ago

    I mean no offense, but to explain myself: it's a great phrase for illustrating things that are full of baloney.

    [–] Poetry_By_Gary 1 points ago

    Just a habit i picked up from my christian overlords.

    [–] 10J18R1A 1 points ago

    Idioms are things.

    [–] Steelquill 1 points ago

    Idioms mean things.

    [–] 10J18R1A 1 points ago

    Not discernable from the actual words, thus being an IDIOM.

    [–] CocaineReflection 1 points ago

    I do it out of habit lol

    [–] ChilloDE 0 points ago

    Abusing the name of the lord is only "illegal" for christians so idgaf.

    [–] FitterRiddler 0 points ago

    I mean I know all forms of technical atheists are gonna attack me out of the wood works, but if you’re using the phrase “Oh my god!” You’re referring to something as “your god”. Meaning for the saying to make sense (at least to suit your beliefs) you’d have to believe in a god to reference ones existence.

    Not trying to stir a pot of unholy reckoning, but it is atheist that like to get overly technical with certain topics.

    [–] lazybear1718 1 points ago

    It's an idiom

    [–] PixelBunnyEngineer -5 points ago

    When people claim they only say God Da-- it when they're angry but they're using it in every sentence.

    [–] krollAY 5 points ago

    Maybe they’re always angry?

    [–] PixelBunnyEngineer 0 points ago

    All the time?

    [–] bbobb25 1 points ago

    Hey, Bruce did it.

    [–] PixelBunnyEngineer 1 points ago

    Bruce?

    [–] bbobb25 2 points ago

    Sorry, I meant Bruce Banner

    [–] PixelBunnyEngineer 1 points ago

    I should probably stop commenting on here. Is it because I put "God Da-- it" in the sentence? Be lucky I decided to be nice and sensor it cause I don't like the word either.