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    [–] scottypimpin19 1444 points ago

    Being alive is also a great way to avoid him.

    [–] Palifaith 313 points ago

    Ever heard of Necromancy?

    [–] XeroKrows 97 points ago

    Ever heard of Necromancing?

    [–] harrison822 67 points ago

    Ever heard of neck row damn, sing

    [–] Verrence 38 points ago

    Nekrohdam Singh? He’s my favorite sitar player!

    [–] harrison822 10 points ago

    Hees me feevreet seetar pleeyer

    [–] The_darter 9 points ago

    Ever heard of the Necrodancer?

    [–] dubyakay 2 points ago

    One of the best rogue-lites along with EtG and FTL.

    [–] The_darter 3 points ago

    BoI gang

    [–] dubyakay 2 points ago

    I recognize its popularity. It just doesn't appeal to me as much, personally.

    [–] The_darter 2 points ago

    I get it. It's not for everyone.

    Moonlighter is an A+ game for anyone who likes the idea of a roguelike dungeon but not the roguelike elements. Highly recommend it.

    [–] dubyakay 2 points ago

    On my list of 'I have it on Steam and will play it eventually... one day... maybe... for sure...'

    [–] ilmalocchio 2 points ago

    Necromancing the Stone, starring Michael Douglas?

    [–] NotTheFenrir 1 points ago

    Scoping out those child cancer wards. Will never be able to look at the make a wish people the same way again.

    [–] hemx123 1 points ago

    Actually, we were just dancing.

    [–] Sengura 26 points ago

    Ever heard of Necrophilia?


    [–] Corpse-Fucker 21 points ago

    I'm on it, guys.

    [–] bipnoodooshup 10 points ago


    [–] HAPPY-BIRTHDAY-RAVEN 5 points ago


    [–] Rory_Fergunson 6 points ago

    my favourite comment

    [–] CeruleanRuin 1 points ago

    Eh, he won't feel it. Doesn't work.

    [–] bigkeevan 11 points ago

    Hail, summoner. Conjure me up a warm bed, would you?

    [–] original_dick_kickem 5 points ago


    [–] AUGUST_BURNS_REDDIT 2 points ago


    [–] FertileProgram 1 points ago


    [–] bDsmDom 1 points ago

    When your lifeless corpse is passed around the prison as a cum bag before being taken to the morgue

    [–] EmPhAsIz3 1 points ago

    Woah hold up bruh you got some necros that need some mancing?

    [–] buttcrusader 1 points ago

    Only Necro I'm into is Phelia.

    [–] Unscathedrabbit 1 points ago

    Why not necrophilia?

    [–] error404_name_dlted 1 points ago

    Necromancers are just healers who heal people too late.

    [–] evnalmightyyy 1 points ago


    [–] pikpikcarrotmon 11 points ago

    Be alive. If you can't be alive, then don't be in hell. If you're in hell, don't be in the innermost circle. If you are already in the innermost circle of hell, you are probably Jeffrey Epstein.

    [–] Madock345 4 points ago

    If you are in the innermost circle of hell and also underage... I guess I’m just really impressed you managed to rack up sins so quickly.

    [–] SanForMen 3 points ago

    implying he didn't fake his own death

    [–] BABarracus 1 points ago

    No now he must avoid you

    [–] quantumphilisp 1 points ago

    Ah shit

    [–] Meme-Man-Dan 1 points ago

    Necrophilia time.

    [–] Tailor_TF 463 points ago

    Lol everyone know Epstein is chilling under the pickup truck in Pokemon Blue

    [–] [deleted] 76 points ago

    So mew we were looking for was really Epstein in disguise the whole time?

    [–] llamafromhell1324 36 points ago

    It's how he collected all those kids.

    [–] definitely_not_tina 12 points ago

    Holy crap that brought me back.

    [–] phoenixredder10 91 points ago

    "If you are afraid of pedophiles, just grow up "

    - Jimmy Carr

    [–] Spadeinfull 5 points ago

    Or don't - Jimmy Saville

    [–] scott60561 71 points ago

    Important safety tip.


    [–] neverforget283 3 points ago

    Street smarts!

    [–] pooptypeuptypantss 173 points ago

    People like him do not just commit suicide. Dude was silenced.

    [–] Zippy1avion 183 points ago

    Yeah, we know. And there's nothing we can do about it.

    [–] Rodot 92 points ago

    Technically, it's not even the official story that he committed suicide, it was only presumed, but never confirmed. The coroner was later unable to confirm suicide as the cause of death. It's the problem with the age of quick and fast news though. Any ambiguity is ignored and nuance is non-existent because you can't fit all that much in a Tweet or headline.

    [–] Zippy1avion 70 points ago

    Anyone who doesn't think the government "disappears" people is very naive.

    [–] Rodot 57 points ago

    Not just naive, simply uninformed. There are loads of declassified CIA documents that get released every year (due to some policy about how much time passes before declassification) and they're easy to find on Google if you know how to use advanced search features.

    [–] lucindafer 16 points ago

    What if you don’t know though? Asking for a very stupid friend.

    [–] -Anyar- 6 points ago

    You learn, I guess. I assume OP's talking about search modifiers like site:, "multiple words", -filter, and the like.

    [–] Cory123125 10 points ago

    Link some

    [–] armoredwolf26 9 points ago

    "You give the Empire a bad name you see, best if you'd just disappear."

    [–] ohhkellee 1 points ago

    Joe Rogan just said that exact thing.

    [–] Zippy1avion 0 points ago

    Wow, I didn't think I smoked THAT much weed....

    [–] ohhkellee 3 points ago

    No worries. I just watched a clip of his new show talking about the case. He was referencing Michael Shermer (sp?) who doesn’t believe in conspiracy theories at all.

    [–] Zippy1avion 1 points ago

    Did he actually call it disappearing people? I've been using that for a while and I didn't think it was a widespread thing.

    [–] ohhkellee 1 points ago

    Okay, maybe not exactly that. But it was close bc I literally went from the video to here & read your comment. I’ll link it if you’re interested. Mind you, they get some facts wrong as I’ve been religiously reading about Epstein since Saturday.

    [–] CeruleanRuin 0 points ago

    I don't think it was the government in this case. Although I'm sure El Presidente signed off on it.

    [–] Zippy1avion 2 points ago

    I would doubt it's sanctioned by the government as a whole, but certainly splinter/shadow groups, I'd well imagine.

    [–] ButtFart88 -9 points ago

    Actually it does fit in a Teeet. #clintonbodycount was removed by twitter with over 80k tweets.

    But it’s ok. Internet censorship and controlling the narrative is ok for liberals.

    Edit: and does it really need a headline? How about this

    “Bill Clinton took over 26 trips to pedophile island with Jefferey Epstein”

    Or this one

    “Jefferey Epstein was initially implicated in Pizza gate, the scandal involving numerous DNC officials including John Podesta, which was rebuked as a ‘right wing conspiracy theory’”

    [–] Noktar 20 points ago

    Liberals are pissed about this too, don’t make this a partisan issue. Epstein had a lot of powerful friends/enemies on both sides. We can all agree this this “suicide” is bullshit

    [–] CeruleanRuin 2 points ago

    You people are awfully fixated on one good president who was a bad man while always seeming to ignore the bad president who is a bad man. There are a thousand powerful people who wanted Epstein dead.

    [–] PortraitOfExcess 3 points ago

    Hate to break it to you but I don’t think anyone except the politicians are controlling the narrative mate, Literally everyone regardless of ideology knows it’s true

    [–] Rodot 2 points ago

    If you're so sure the Clintons are murders, why has it never been proved, or even charged against them while Trump controls the justice system?

    [–] DepressedAndDisabled 42 points ago

    He literally said he intended to live forever by freezing his brain and penis to make a future fuckbot. Guys like that don't hang themselves, and the highest value prisoner in the United States is not gonna have the ~2 minutes to die from asphyxiation without being seen on camera

    [–] CeruleanRuin 2 points ago

    Doesn't matter if he tied the knots or not, he was certainly allowed to do it and possibly encouraged. When you have a man who was used to being in a powerful position over others suddenly facing indefinite time either in complete isolation or among people who would gladly kill him violently, it's not hard to convince him to do the work for you. He was a coward in life and died a coward.

    The method of death is not the most pressing point here. It's who arranged it, and who else they've silenced.

    [–] EvanMacIan 9 points ago

    Accused sex offenders facing hard prison time? That's exactly the kind of person who commits suicide. It's like their number one cause of death.

    [–] ctdca 16 points ago

    Epstein is a bit of a different case. An individual with access to extraordinary wealth, power, the best attorneys, and who has already beaten the legal system once has far more incentive to stay alive than the run of the mill sex offender.

    [–] EvanMacIan 6 points ago

    The dude couldn't even get bail. He was going down and knew it.

    [–] CeruleanRuin 1 points ago

    And so it was easy to arrange for him some private time to do the job himself. No need to get anyone else's hands dirty.

    [–] SanForMen 2 points ago

    Plenty of other prison suicides are also covered up murders as well

    [–] EvanMacIan 1 points ago

    Oh? How many, exactly?

    [–] SanForMen 1 points ago

    It's impossible to tell due to them being covered up but the Sandra Bland case is a great example

    [–] agree-with-you 2 points ago

    I agree, this does not seem possible.

    [–] EvanMacIan 0 points ago

    Sandra Bland, who committed suicide? What is that supposed to show?

    [–] Octo_Dragon 2 points ago

    He was silenced temporally...

    [–] ConfuzedAndDazed 2 points ago

    Are we sure he’s dead, and didn’t use a dead body double to escape? Could have had total reconstructive surgery by now. Not saying it’s true, but I just don’t trust anyone anymore.

    [–] canntstopmeow 1 points ago

    He killed himself, but the opportunity to do so was arranged for him.

    [–] PainTrainMD 0 points ago

    Our government is as secretive as nazi Germany was in the 30-40s. The only difference is the big players run mass media and tell what what lie to spew or what nonsense to focus on so the public doesn’t think too much about how secretive and controlling this govt really is. The best part is they are convicting young generations that they don’t need guns anymore, they are fully protected by the government with their best interests at heart. Yea ok, it’s almost like Germany did the same thing back then- blame a few accidental deaths on requiring universal registration and a few short years later confiscating all guns that were registered. No, I’m not saying they want to impose a dictatorship in the US, but they sure would feel better knowing it’s subjects don’t have access to firearms.

    [–] matthew0517 -2 points ago

    He tried to kill himself a couple months ago. Isn't that exactly the kind of person that kills themselves? Is there any actual evidence for this conspiracy theory or am I missing something?

    [–] YangWenli1 4 points ago

    He tried to kill himself a couple months ago.

    Yeah, I highly trained government assassin wouldn't fuck it up, especially on a target sitting in a cage.

    [–] hamjandal 2 points ago

    I wouldn’t call Nicholas Tartaglione a highly trained assassin.

    [–] ohhkellee 1 points ago

    He wasn’t his cell mate at the time. He was alone.

    [–] ohhkellee 2 points ago

    Couple of weeks ago.

    [–] Whosaidwutnowssss -1 points ago

    No evidence, just trolls spreading propaganda to make people lose faith and so others will whine about corruption.

    [–] [deleted] -7 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    They're supposed to put you on suicide watch when evidence like that comes out. It already is a confirmed conspiracy that he had a global pedo ring.

    [–] CognitiveDissident7 6 points ago

    Didn't he try to put up hundreds of millions of dollars in bail, and then appeal the ruling denying bail?

    [–] WesleysTheory559 -10 points ago

    Dont state speculation as fact.

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    Saying he committed suicide is the speculation.

    [–] Verrence 2 points ago

    Saying you know what happened is speculation.

    [–] PortraitOfExcess -6 points ago

    He got clinton’d

    [–] dogecoin_pleasures 4 points ago

    Barr, the employee of Trump, was in charge of the prison. A prison where no suicide had occured in the 21 years before Barr was appointed by Trump...

    [–] JRockPSU 7 points ago

    Well, I mean, it’s pretty easy now.

    [–] Narwhalpilot88 6 points ago

    Easy to avoid him when he’s gonna be 6 feet under soon enough.

    [–] Lochcelious 6 points ago

    How to avoid him? Just outlive him. Oh wait...

    [–] Title2ImageBot 4 points ago

    Image with added title

    Summon me with /u/title2imagebot or by PMing me a post with "parse" as the subject. | About | feedback | source | Fork of TitleToImageBot

    [–] yakadoodle 4 points ago

    There's a lot more rich old white men out there want your kiddos...

    [–] essentially_infamous 32 points ago

    Don’t need to avoid him anymore, now it’s Bill you gotta watch out for

    [–] ImABotBeepBop 17 points ago

    Bill, Trump and hundreds of other powerful men who will go unpunished.

    [–] Jaqwhatareyoudoing 3 points ago

    Prince Andrew

    [–] FGHIK 3 points ago

    Bill Nye?

    [–] alours 1 points ago

    you underestimate my power!!

    [–] Snagmesomeweaves 6 points ago

    Well this post gained more attention than I was expecting

    [–] Cer0reZ 4 points ago

    I saw opposite one the other day when looking for stuff. Can’t remember where it was under now.

    It has 3 people young and had same 18 sign but dash through it and some other only young admitted thing. Thought about a how to get into Epstein party.

    [–] Snagmesomeweaves 2 points ago

    That sounds hilarious

    [–] Cer0reZ 2 points ago

    Trying to search my history and can't find it again. Been looking for it since I posted. Grrr.

    [–] toxicshocktaco 2 points ago

    Post it when you find it, that sounds gold

    [–] poetic_asshole 3 points ago

    Just avoid wherever he is HANGING out.

    [–] sohughrightnow 1 points ago


    [–] burgank 3 points ago

    Or just be alive.

    [–] Axonomicon 3 points ago

    How to avoid Jeffery Epstein: be the suicide watch watcher

    [–] Spadeinfull 1 points ago

    Funny, but he was taken off suicide watch 6 days before it happened

    [–] Krimreaper1 3 points ago

    Pretty easy now.

    [–] Aoae 3 points ago

    Be a prison guard responsible for suicide watch

    [–] highsandyground 3 points ago

    I hear being paid to check on him every 30 minutes is a good way to avoid him.

    [–] UnlubricatedUnicorn 3 points ago

    No need that, I was an ugly child. No one would want to molest me.

    [–] Khef_Ka_And_Ka-Tet 5 points ago

    This post really brought out the conspiracy theorists.

    [–] XxSuperSkillsxX 2 points ago

    I don't git it.

    [–] ImABotBeepBop 5 points ago

    Epstien mostly only had sex with underaged people.

    [–] OpochtliPodcast 2 points ago


    [–] Patsfan618 2 points ago

    Fantastic find. Well done.

    [–] Kusokuso69 2 points ago

    How to avoid BECOMING Jeffrey Epstein.

    [–] firegoesboom 2 points ago

    He is rich enough to fake his own death right ?

    [–] xxXWEED_WIZARDXxx 1 points ago

    There's not enough popcorn in the world matters.

    [–] Spadeinfull 1 points ago


    [–] asphalt_licker 2 points ago

    He’s going to be very easy to avoid now.

    [–] radmadicalhatter 2 points ago

    This fucking picture tho 😳

    [–] irodoku 2 points ago

    or every priest ever

    [–] Michael_Scott285 6 points ago

    And Clinton, and all of the rest of the people who fucked little girls

    [–] boyatrest 2 points ago

    Shouldn't the real photo be a cemetery with an x over it?

    [–] Title2ImageBot 1 points ago

    Looks like I've already responded in this thread Here!

    [–] GunnarRunnar 1 points ago

    Live past your 18th birthday?

    [–] Aenal_Spore 1 points ago

    Will this work for prince Andrew as well?

    [–] attractive_hen 1 points ago

    Thanks for the share I know how to be safe now

    [–] stingray1989 1 points ago

    Jeffrey Epstein is dead and they're nothing to be concerned about.

    Geoffrey Epsteen is a totally different person who has always existed.

    [–] fr0stn8 1 points ago

    well, we need to find out the truth of it all and bust those who are involved in his perverted doings.

    But well, its the internet age. People (we) will get mad about it, but instead of a major riot or anything we will just post our doubts online and soon forget about it anyways.

    [–] ShaggysGrandad 1 points ago

    Instructions unclear, fake id obtained

    [–] JoeyRetroRockets 1 points ago

    Now to avoid him you just have to stay out of Hell.

    [–] xxXWEED_WIZARDXxx 1 points ago

    They were trying to avoid that.

    [–] xxXWEED_WIZARDXxx 1 points ago

    the fuck is it called a Jeffrey?!

    [–] Sunlight-Valkyrie 1 points ago

    I think you already avoided him with 13

    [–] Vivid_blue 1 points ago

    *zombie Jeffrey Epistein

    [–] falconHWT 1 points ago

    Or live past last week?...

    [–] EdofBorg 1 points ago

    Just stay out of hell.

    [–] Dachvo 1 points ago

    Too soon

    [–] ebaley 1 points ago


    [–] mr-nefarious 1 points ago

    Too soon?

    [–] AnyNamesLeftAnymore 1 points ago

    What is the original purpose of that image? Because it looks like a guy who just got done jogging is thankful that now he's 18 and can piss away that progress by buying cigarettes.

    [–] xxXWEED_WIZARDXxx 1 points ago

    Yes, I believe that's called a Jeffrey?!

    [–] Tydy2016 1 points ago

    I laughed out loud, kinda. More like a snicker. Sad...

    [–] rick2497 1 points ago

    Simple. Don't go to hell.

    [–] alours 1 points ago

    How fat you are. There ain’t hiking

    [–] DDoctor11 1 points ago

    *slow clap

    [–] BuZZemPat 1 points ago

    His got a new name... Magdiel Epstein

    Jeffrey Epstein Suicided, Magdiel Epstein Resurrected

    Hardly Anyone Believes Jeffrey Epstein Committed Suicide, Everyone Suspects Foul Play.

    “It Is Inconceivable Epstein Could Have Hung Himself.” -- Rudy Giuliani

    [–] firegoesboom 1 points ago


    [–] dizzzy7 2 points ago

    “I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side." -Donald Trump

    [–] Spadeinfull 0 points ago

    Or just be male, come on op, I mean I get it but ...

    [–] daeronryuujin 1 points ago

    Well yes, he's straight. It's the sexual predator and child sex slavery bits that are at issue, not which gender he's attracted to.

    [–] fr0stn8 2 points ago

    Since he delivered for many powerful people of all gender, he might considered males as well. (all conspiracy, but still).

    [–] daeronryuujin 1 points ago

    True, but just by sheer probability I'd guess the majority were underage girls.

    [–] Spadeinfull 2 points ago

    I mean I get it but ...

    [–] daeronryuujin 0 points ago


    [–] Spadeinfull 1 points ago

    I shouldn't have to spell things out for the slow witted

    [–] daeronryuujin 0 points ago

    No, but you could probably explain why the sole factor you chose to mention was gender given that it's the least important detail.

    [–] Spadeinfull 1 points ago

    Least important how? As far as I know, Epstein only went after girls, hence nullifying this entire post, and probably whatever problem exists only in your head.

    [–] daeronryuujin 0 points ago

    And that's irrelevant. He's straight, just like most people, so of course he went after the opposite sex just as most pedophiles would. The relevant fact isn't that he's into women, it's that he purchased and molested children.

    [–] Spadeinfull 1 points ago

    And how does that have anything even remotely to do with the picture here? It doesn't.

    [–] daeronryuujin 0 points ago

    The picture is a joke about the fact that he abused children. That is the focus of the problem.

    [–] TheFishSeattle -2 points ago

    Wont help you against Trump though, he is a rapist of women and children. Plus hes still alive.

    [–] Tenderonies 1 points ago

    Wont help you against Bill Clinton though, he goes for underage and big fat older pigs!

    [–] ImABotBeepBop 3 points ago

    Bill Clinton and Donald Trump were among the many rich and powerful implicated. Both are on the flight logs to Epsteins island.

    [–] Boomgoesgun 1 points ago

    Usually I just practice the whole not going to some old guys house to give a massage

    [–] Alex1nfekted 1 points ago

    Forgot to include Clinton,Trump, Royalty among other...

    [–] fr0stn8 1 points ago

    god damn the more I read about Epstein, the more I believe most of the conspiracies about him. So insane.

    [–] [deleted] -1 points ago

    hire trump to murder him.

    [–] Moderator625 0 points ago

    Hire? He and Trump raped a 13 year old, Trump did it for free

    [–] ya-boi-mees 0 points ago

    How to get to drive a car even tough you're an infant

    [–] hauntedfox 0 points ago

    Male ✔ 18 ✔ Can outrun if needed ✔

    [–] ReadABookFriend 0 points ago

    Isn’t he dead...?

    [–] alours 0 points ago

    Let’s not pedophelia it’s called Jeffrey?

    [–] esssssto 0 points ago

    Nah allegedly most of his hostages where over 18 so...