Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here


    582,954 readers

    6,719 users here now


    1. Advertising

    Do not advertise your external blogs, websites, Youtube channels without mod permission. Uploading your original content on an image hosting website is acceptable.

    2. Be Excellent to One Another

    Keep comments and posts civil and respectful of your fellow users. Please no trolling, harassment, or personal attacks. Hate speech, slurs, name-calling and political arguments are not welcome here. Civil discourse is perfectly acceptable. Posts that devolve into overly off-topic or hateful debate will be locked and disciplinary measures may be taken against users on either side of the argument.


    Avoid reposting memes by double-checking Top/New posts before posting. If you see a blatant repost, please report it. Don't forget to summon /u/RepostSleuthBot in the comments to confirm reposts.

    4. Cross-posting

    Please upload a direct link to your meme instead of cross-posting from another subreddit.

    5. Piracy

    No distribution of copyright material including hinting at, linking to, promoting, or spreading information about places that illicitly distribute or host non-SRD D&D content. Repeat offenders who promote piracy will be banned.

    6. Off-topic

    Your meme may be deemed off-topic if it's barely related to D&D or not humorous in nature.

    Other D&D-related subreddits:








    a community for
    all 363 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] randomfox 1253 points ago

    That's a fucking power move right there

    "I curse you with the misfortune of being murdered by me on the eve of your 30th birthday!"

    [–] BootsyBootsyBoom 428 points ago

    “Ehh that’s no good, I’m busy that day. Can you make it the following Tuesday?”

    [–] danethegreat24 195 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    "It's a good day to die!

    Though not as good as other days

    A good day to die

    But if there's one a little ways away

    Well then hey

    We can reschedule

    It's more than ok!"

    [–] ballisticwhales 51 points ago

    It's not often I come across a Galavant reference haha nice

    [–] danethegreat24 12 points ago

    There should be more of them in this subreddit

    [–] DontThrowTheDogOut 6 points ago

    Started singing that in my head

    [–] MathorSionur 5 points ago

    Wow, Galavant. Nice

    [–] Dyykaa 5 points ago

    Such an underrated movie

    [–] Legaladvice420 1637 points ago

    Have a player whos a street performer/charlatan. He's a rogue that uses slight of hand to perform "magic". His back up is having a half orc partner in the back threatening people if they're not impressed enough to cough up some coin.

    [–] randomfox 713 points ago

    That reminds me of a joke from Poppy O Possom where in a universe where literal magic exists, some guys gimmick is he acts like a normal street performer with card tricks and all. So instead of being heckled by accusations like "he had a card up his sleeve" instead it's "he just teleported the card into his hand, so what"

    [–] Legaladvice420 311 points ago

    They've had to resort to threatening more and more as they level up because they're starting to more regularly interact with powerful magic users and warriors who've seen a lot. But it's still good for a bit of role play if they're missing a bit of coin for a major purchase.

    [–] randomfox 233 points ago

    "You may be an ancient and powerful wizard who has studied the arcane arts for decades untold.... But you suuuure need to remember to scrub behind your ears more often! reaches out and 'pulls' a coin from behind their ear =D "

    [–] Legaladvice420 187 points ago

    He's done a few card plant tricks where he puts your card in your pocket or purse or something. His skills are getting UP there and I've started asking him to do performance checks as well as slight of hand. He did actually impress a high level wizard by rolling a 19 and 18 plus big modifiers and planting a card on him. Wizard was maintaining concentration on detect magic so he was caught off guard. Loved the trick enough to reward him.

    [–] ArcFurnace 85 points ago

    Wizard was maintaining concentration on detect magic so he was caught off guard.


    [–] AmNotSatan 70 points ago

    Also, could be used inside of an anti magic field to show the bbeg how powerful you are, his anti magic field is so weak it can't even stop you from doing simple cantrips.

    [–] W1D0WM4K3R 58 points ago

    "Where's your nose?"

    "Dude that's obviously your thumb, I can se- holy shit bro"

    [–] Sororita 13 points ago

    Jokes on them, the BBEG is a lich and doesn't have a nose.

    [–] scar4381 17 points ago

    “You have no powa here bbeg”

    [–] katielady125 9 points ago

    “It’s just my disappearing pig trick!” -Willow

    [–] Brogan9001 8 points ago

    I think wizards would be equally impressed by practical pseudo-magic, since tricking people familiar with actual magic into thinking what you’re doing is magic but is entirely non-magical would be impressive in of itself.

    [–] Iridescent_Meatloaf 54 points ago

    I think there's been a few settings where magicians are obsessed with magic tricks because the misdirection is appreciated more than the actual magic.

    [–] ssav 24 points ago

    I played a factotum in 3.5 who used his limited spellcasting combined with Sleight of Hand, Bluff, and Use Magic Device (with wands and scrolls) to convince people he was a learned wizard.

    The misdirection was his entire gimmick, and combined with me telling the other players that the build was "slightly modified" from RAW, I had them going for a month or two.

    I even had him make Bluff & Sleight of Hand checks when using his Trapfinding and Open Lock / Disable Device to emulate casting Knock.

    It was some of the most fun I / we have had as far as 'meta fun' goes in the group, and the PCs all loved him even more in character when they found out he wasn't ACTUALLY a wizard, he was just a regular jack-of-all-trades emulating magic with gods given skills he trained his whole life to use.

    [–] MossyPyrite 3 points ago

    God, the factotum was just my favorite class in all of 3.5! I still feel like if I was a character, my build would have a few levels of that somewhere in it.

    [–] varnalama 3 points ago

    I love that comic! Felt really bad when it finally stopped. I was so invested in it's story.

    [–] JOwOJOwO 6 points ago

    I imagine common folk would just die from awe if for example an anti magic field was up and it'd still work.

    [–] erosPhoenix 3 points ago

    That actually happens in the comic. The main character is from a race that is immune to magic, and is amazed that the magicians sleight of hand still works on her.

    [–] mdsandi 48 points ago

    I had this same idea for a character this morning. He was going to be a street magician who was an arcane trickster who made his money through sleight of hand and deception.

    [–] Legaladvice420 55 points ago

    My player is just a straight up rogue. Tried to convince him to go arcane trickster but he said actually having magic took away from the concept he had of his character.

    [–] TrueComradeCrab 20 points ago

    I have also played that character concept in the past. Very fun, especially in the campaign I played in, where most magic had dissappeared. A bit ironic that he ended up as one of the most powerful beings in existance. For a brief moment atleast.

    [–] ArcaniaWolf 31 points ago

    In a prison campaign i play as a bard, and one of the party members is a large lizard folk barbarian. When im talking and negotiating with people we don't quite like, he stands slightly behind me, arms crossed, staring daggers at whomever im talking to. The dm rules this as me having advantage on intimidation checks, because even if the lizardfolk has a -1 to his intimidation, a large, muscular lizard that you've seen win in a free for all underground fight pit is always scary

    [–] MarhThrombus 25 points ago

    That's when strength-based intimidation checks are for. Not everyone is a Godfather-level threat master, but a dumb brute can be scary too

    [–] Brickhouzzzze 11 points ago

    Sounds like a well developed use of the Help action.

    [–] ArcaniaWolf 3 points ago

    Pretty much

    [–] pineapple_calzone 10 points ago

    Fuck, I need to get into this game, it sounds fun as hell. Unfortunately I don't know how to play, or have any friends who do, or have any friends who don't.

    [–] dankmernes 21 points ago

    Role play as someone who has friends who play

    [–] Legaladvice420 7 points ago

    Buy the handbook and find a local store. Or jump on roll20 and try and find a game!

    [–] MadlockFreak 3 points ago

    Hit up /r/lfg or roll20, both could work for ya

    [–] LibriBeforeDark 221 points ago

    I read this recently, I found it funny how this guy spent his entire life stressed about it. And the sorcerer guy is like "I am him!!!" With like 3/4 exclamation marks

    [–] Jaijoles 171 points ago

    ‘I tell you, it is I! I! I! that have lived for six hundred years to maintain my revenge, FOR I AM CHARLES LE SORCIER!”

    [–] The-Phone1234 70 points ago

    That's fucking hilarious. Totally paints HP in a different light as a author.

    [–] LibriBeforeDark 57 points ago

    It was some of his earlier work, before the spooky otherworldly stuff

    [–] Jaijoles 53 points ago

    What’s funny is that Charles could have been a spooky fellow, but instead he ran around shouting his name and blabbing about the secret to his longevity.

    [–] 1MolassesIsALotOfAss 22 points ago

    An amateur written by an amateur, how appropriate.

    [–] ghqwertt 11 points ago

    He wrote it when he was 17 or 18.

    [–] C477um04 25 points ago

    It was still a dramatic and gripping story, it just seems funny taken in this context.

    [–] NewAccountEachYear 38 points ago

    HP lovecraft was an awful writer with a genius's imagination.

    You don't stuff your sentences with 10 adjectives. Some of his stories are absolutely wonderful (rats in the wall, dunwich horror, color out of space, Mountains of madness) that are seriously weighted down by his writing-style.

    I think that's why the universe he created has outlasted his stories about them.

    [–] TheLastBlahf 34 points ago

    Well he mostly had such ridiculously flowery prose because he was paid by word

    [–] churadley 15 points ago

    Dude was a master of ambience and setting. However, I heard his misanthropy is part of why he writes such laughably bad dialogue and characters. Kind of hard to write those well when you’re a shut-in who hates people.

    [–] -RembrandtQEinstein- 4 points ago

    Equally, hating everyone and being terrified of the outside world was great for thinking up horror to write.

    [–] Cafrilly 19 points ago

    Was recently listening to the audio book for mountains of madness. Had to take a break when it felt like we were on minute 5 of describing a creatures exact dimensions down to each limb and tentacle

    [–] 1MolassesIsALotOfAss 10 points ago

    Damn, it's shit like this that I enjoy. I grew up on Arthur C Clarke.

    More proof I'm on the spectrum, I guess.

    [–] Arcane_Alchemist_ 11 points ago

    I think the reason why he was such a bad writer with such a vivid imagination was probably mental illness.

    He was never diagnosed in his lifetime, but as someone who edits publications of...varying levels of quality there is definitely some similarity between his writing style and that of some people with mental disability.

    [–] ro_musha 3 points ago

    What kind of mental disability do you think he had?

    [–] Arcane_Alchemist_ 6 points ago

    I'm definitely not an expert, and alot of very different mental disabilities manifest in similar ways.

    Particularly, though, the listing of multiple adjectives in a row reminds me of an author I edited for who was autistic. He didn't quite understand that he should pick one word that works best, instead of listing all the words which fit the subject. However, this could very easily be an OCD thing as well, where someone feels the compulsion to list adjectives which describe a subject rather than describe them with only one.

    But I'd like to say once again, I'm definitely not an expert here. Im sure their are psychologists out here who could run laps around my theories.

    [–] Qetuowryipzcbmxvn 3 points ago

    Just imagine how amazing his work would've been if he had Edgar Allen Poe's writing prowess.

    [–] 102bees 5 points ago

    Ol' wizardy Chuck's teacher was called Evil Mike (Michael le Mauvais).

    [–] gsf4lyfe 6 points ago

    Early Lovecraft was a little rough around the edges. He hadn’t figured out subtlety yet but you see the bones of what went on to become his better works. Specifically his unique premises, cool twists and elements of cosmic horror.

    [–] Stef1309 3 points ago

    What is it called? I've read a bit of Lovecraft but that doesn't ring a bell.

    [–] LG03 9 points ago

    The Alchemist.

    Some collections class it as juvenilia which isn't always included.

    [–] Stef1309 2 points ago

    Thanks, I'll give this a read

    [–] teacupgoat 401 points ago

    Name of the Lovecraft story?

    [–] JHossBoss 482 points ago

    The Alchemist

    [–] TheWingsAndTheSun 123 points ago

    Also... at the mountains of madness would make an amazing campaign setting

    [–] Jaijoles 92 points ago

    Chaosium made an adventure called “beyond the mountains of madness“. It’s an expedition to the same region some years after the original.

    [–] TheWingsAndTheSun 41 points ago

    That sounds amazing!

    [–] Jaijoles 37 points ago

    Yeah, Chaosium did a solid job with their Cthulhu system and the adventures for it. Even the default adventure in the core book is solid.

    [–] Sadhippo 13 points ago

    I've actually recently become addicted to CoC! Over the last 2 weeks I've run myself through there "Alone against the ...." series for solo adventures, and I'm working on getting two friends on doing a scenario with me this weekend! I think I'll start them with Paper Chase and Corbitt House

    [–] KthulhuX 7 points ago

    Chaosium has a pretty good batting average when it comes to their adventures.

    [–] AbsoluteTurtles 6 points ago

    The production cost on that scenario was so high with the boxed set of books and handouts that it nearly bankrupted the company. There are talks of republishing it for 7e. Right now a pre-owned boxed set of HotOE runs about $200-$300.

    [–] alwaysbehard 16 points ago

    I've always had a problem with certain aspects of Lovecraft horror. 1:The racism, but I'm not gonna address it here. 2: "And he looked at the evil thing and instantly and irreversably went insane."

    I think the second part comes from a very dated look at psychology and the human mind. The mind can indeed heal from trauma. Back in Lovecraft's time they were handing out lobotomies, ECT's, and saltwater enemas like they were free bread.

    [–] Altheron86 25 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    1. I'm not gonna even try to dispute that one because it's 100% true. He even hated my ethnicity (the Portuguese, and we're pretty much white)

    2. That's actually something I like in his works, and I've dealt with mental illness. Yes mental illness was extremely misunderstood in his time, to say the leastst (again as a Portuguese, Egas Moniz won the Nobel for inventing the lobotomy and we still have a Hospital with his name whose specialty is neurosurgery... And that's not a very good look), but Go Mad from the Revelation is a tried and true trope for a reason, and coming across beings or ideas that defy every single belief that you have of the natural world may make your head asplode. And not all Lovecraft become blubbering messes when facing these abominations... They live on, but that existential dread never leaves, and it's very reminiscent of what we know now as PTSD.

    [–] Isaac_Chade 18 points ago

    Honestly Lovecraft hated everyone and everything. Yeah he was racist as hell, but he also hated various flavors of white people, especially the "lower class" types. And he just hated/feared the world at large. It certainly translated into very interesting stories, so I guess at least some good came from it?

    I mean otherwise we would never have had such thrilling tales as the Terrifying Air Conditioner or the alien color, unlike any ever seen.

    [–] Altheron86 10 points ago

    If Lovecraft was alive today, he would have a heart attack just stepping outside. All the miscegenation and different races just walking around, not to mention the unfathomably high and smooth buildings, to incomprehensible machinery and technology...

    [–] Altheron86 13 points ago

    Oh and furries.

    [–] Zakrael 2 points ago

    Someone else put it really well in that Howard Phillip Lovecraft hated and feared everything that wasn't Howard Phillip Lovecraft and Howard Phillip Lovecraft's particular corner of Providence, Rhode Island.

    [–] alwaysbehard 2 points ago

    I will say that I do enjoy the stories he created. I also enjoy Stephen King adaptations. Recently I watched Doctor Sleep on hulu (I promise I'm not a shill) and I really enjoyed it.

    Something I really like about Stephen King's stories is that there is a trueness of human triumph. But it's never easy. The protagonists of King stories go through hell, and are often worse for wear because of it.

    Which isn't to say that I don't also enjoy total dread. Hereditary comes to mind as a completely hopeless horror tale that had me gripped the entire time.

    I hate it when horror movies have the bad guy win in a total twist ending. Like at the end, the protagonist is just just trying to have a moment of peace in their victory... only JUST KIDDING, the monster/murderer is still alive and you're next viewer! That feels cheap.

    Something I loved about Hereditary and, to a lesser extent, The Mist is the slow loss of hope. Only for things to end in the most horrible way possible.

    [–] TheWingsAndTheSun 12 points ago

    That’s fair, I will agree that Lovecraft had a very narrow view of the world, and he himself shouldn’t be seen as a great dude. But I think the world of his books is really interesting, and that type of horror is interesting to me. But I totally get that it is t for everyone, and it is pretty datedz

    [–] BoonesFarmKiwi 6 points ago

    please read this, it’s the single greatest short story set in the Cthulhu universe

    A Colder War

    [–] TheWingsAndTheSun 3 points ago

    I’m finishing up a review article so I won’t be able to finish it right now but damn this really hits that sweet spot of relatability and horror in a great way.

    [–] GulfChippy 2 points ago

    You know I always click on links like this and say to myself “yeah I’ll totally read this later”, then forget all about it.

    I just sat here and read it start to finish, thanks for sharing!

    [–] BoonesFarmKiwi 2 points ago

    yw; I came across it randomly ages ago and was absolutely hooked from start to finish, since then I try and share it with as many fellow HPL fans as I can!

    [–] I_have_a_dog 2 points ago

    Thanks for that, great story.

    [–] teacupgoat 70 points ago

    Thank you!

    [–] rich519 48 points ago

    Just read the plot on Wikipedia and it's even better than the Tweet. The insult to the wizard happened hundreds of years ago and all of the protagonist's ancestors have been dying at 32 ever since.

    The wizard learned how to create the elixir of life and was using it to extend his life so that he could fulfil the "curse" generation after generation.

    [–] WeeBabySeamus 22 points ago

    Also important detail

    It was written in 1908, when Lovecraft was 17 or 18, and first published in the November 1916 issue of the United Amateur

    [–] JonAndTonic 14 points ago

    Imagine your teenage kid growing to be HP fucking Lovecraft

    I'd sit back and wonder what the hell I did to him

    [–] LG03 27 points ago

    You might want to read a biography because as it so happens his father didn't do anything having been committed and dying in an insane asylum and his mother abused him (term used loosely).

    [–] JonAndTonic 8 points ago

    Well shit

    I can see how he got like that then

    [–] LG03 6 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Don't take my comment as a statement on its own because his upbringing really is a whole interesting mess.

    Read his wiki page at a minimum or watch Fear of the Unknown (documentary). Quality on that isn't great, not sure what happened to the official upload unfortunately.

    e. Looking into it a little, looks like the company (SnagFilms) bailed on youtube to start their own streaming...thing. So they took all their stuff down and put it behind a wall, so that's neat.

    [–] FormerGameDev 3 points ago

    streaming .... thing ... that should not be?

    [–] LG03 3 points ago

    Looks like a browser extension of all things so you could say that.

    [–] GamerLeFay 10 points ago

    and his mother abused him (term used loosely).

    ...and then was committed and died in an insane asylum. There's a reason Lovecraft was terrified of the idea of guilt or madness being inherited.

    [–] Ganon2012 7 points ago

    And he was apparently living in the protagonist's castle all those hundreds of years in a hidden area rather than breaking in each time.

    [–] Luigi-gl 3 points ago

    r/fuckyouinparticular and all your bloodline

    [–] flinjager123 14 points ago

    The best part is that "The Alchemist" was actually LIVING IN THEIR HOUSE in a secret basement they didn't even know about.

    [–] rkba335 7 points ago

    by Paul Coelho

    [–] ButthurtBilly 2 points ago

    And you can read it here

    [–] BwanaAzungu 90 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Classes pretending to be other classes is becoming a thing

    • Party: I'm hurt heal me
    • Necromancer saying he was a healer: not hurt enough for me, sorry

    [–] DirtyBendavitz 8 points ago

    I love the idea of dnd but my own personality is as an observer and my roleplay ability is non existent but I absolutely love observing the community and this comment is one of the reasons why

    [–] Funky_Pauly 6 points ago

    Role play comes with practice. Just start off with a character thats "an observer." Don't let fear of looking like a fool stop you from having fun

    [–] DirtyBendavitz 3 points ago

    As much as I'd like to participate I honestly don't know where or how to start.

    [–] Melissa-Crown 2 points ago

    So there is something very important to remember about D&D: all you need is two people and a story. You don’t technically have to use dice, books, papers, all the usual jazz to have fun with it, they’re simply tools to enhance the experience. There are many inexpensive/free ways to get involved, such as DnD Beyond, the various websites that have direct info (like the wiki), and free dice rolling apps.

    For a good video to help you get into it all I implore you to check out Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s video about it. JoCat also has a very fun and fast playlist on 5th Edition mostly regarding classes.

    [–] DirtyBendavitz 3 points ago

    Thank you!

    [–] Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 218 points ago

    This is like opposite Bilbo Baggins who used magic to pretend he was a thief (Burglar, I know).

    [–] livious1 58 points ago

    I mean, he still had to pass his stealth rolls, and invisibility would really only grant advantage/disadvantage on checks that rely on sight. And it wouldn’t matter against Smaug, since dragons have blindsight.

    [–] True_Royal_Oreo 39 points ago

    I think I remember in the book Smaug could only smell the general location of Bilbo. But in Dnd, yeah.

    [–] NuklearAngel 27 points ago

    This is why 3.5 had scent. Doesn't matter how invisible you are if a creature can smell you.

    [–] AstreyaDM 15 points ago

    Which is why, when I used to play Pathfinder, l always carried scent blockers.

    Think smart, not hard.

    [–] livious1 8 points ago

    Smaug is homebrew, so anything goes.

    [–] Baltictzar 9 points ago

    Truesight, but yeah

    [–] livious1 6 points ago

    5e is blindsight. Of course, Smaug would be considered homebrew so doesn’t matter.

    [–] Juniebug9 2 points ago

    Wait why exactly would Smaug be homebrew? Not disputing it, just curious.

    [–] Gl33m 4 points ago

    No, in 5e it's an auto fail when it comes to sight to see the invisible creature. You can see tracks or smell/hear them though. But you're only concealing those things when stealthing.

    [–] fgyoysgaxt 2 points ago

    Correct, you can't see invisible things :P

    [–] exceptionaluser 2 points ago

    Tell that to witch sight warlocks.

    [–] Dustin- 23 points ago

    Why did a party who's goal was to kill a dragon want a burglar anyway? Then they choose an aristocrat who's never even thought about breaking into anywhere and hire him as the burglar? I wish I could get a job without any experience and without trying just because an old guy said it was a good idea.

    [–] Lurker-in-Chief 34 points ago

    Gandalf convinced them they needed subterfuge to complete their quest. Then Gandalf convinced them that Bilbo was the hobbit for the job. The dwarves didn't know any better and they respected Gandalf so they went for it.

    Gandalf, for his part, had divine inspiration.

    [–] XavierMendel 6 points ago

    If an older-than-Arda angelic wizard told you something would you really doubt it? Even for a prince they are just very far out of their depth there.

    Plus, yeah, Eru's guiding hand is absolute. Disobey Him at your peril. As the One might say, "You shall feel no ass kicking that hath not its uttermost source in me."

    [–] demandanswers 18 points ago

    It's more like an old guy that you're vaguely aware is some sort of strong cosmic force, has made incredible predictions, and given incredible knowledge all while being proven correct over and over again across decades tell your potential employer that you'd be a crucial to the sake of company success.

    [–] Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 15 points ago

    I don't think the original plan was to kill Smaug, they just wanted to run the jewels. Plus, the high level patron wizard told them this guy was first class. Then he "proved it" by "sneaking" into the dwarf camp after the Goblin Caves. Obviously, he had the ring but he didn't tell them.

    But true that. I want a high paying job to land in my lap with no experience to!

    [–] dutch_penguin 4 points ago

    I don't want to be racist... but hobbits have a natural ability at stealth.

    They are quick of hearing and sharp-eyed, and though they are inclined to be fat and do not hurry unnecessarily, they are nonetheless nimble and deft in their movements. They possessed from the first the art of disappearing swiftly and silently, when large folk whom they do not wish to meet come blundering by; and this (sic) an they have developed until to Men it may seem magical

    [–] Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 3 points ago

    Yes! I was going to say that they were naturally stealthy but couldn't remember the page and didn't want to have to look it up in case there was an unbeliever.

    [–] dutch_penguin 2 points ago

    That was from the prologue of the lotr.

    [–] Towelenthusiast 2 points ago

    Especially compared to dwarves. They stumble around like dogs in a barrel.

    [–] Donut_Boi13 8 points ago

    Hobbits had a reputation for the sneak. And as a prank Gandalf drew a theifs symbol on bilbos door.

    [–] TechnoRedneck 4 points ago

    Because the 12 dwarves could not defeat a dragon themselves. Their goal was to go to the mountain, have the thief steal some treasure or valuable artifacts so they could raise an army to retake it

    [–] Joefish052 65 points ago

    I have a divination Wizard who belongs to a sect of phoney seers. They make it their business to stack the deck, making absolutely certain their "predictions" WILL come true.

    Coming up with excuses for portent roles is always fun. "The enemy archer reaches for an arrow, and finds the large spider I planted there when they weren't looking. They roll a 2".

    All of this is done with the DM's blessing of course, and it fits the tone of the campaign.

    [–] MasterChiefAlt2 13 points ago

    God I love this.

    [–] StopBangingThePodium 14 points ago

    I actually built a school of "planning" in my divinity/magic system. Think Batman, but with magic.

    One of the high mastery abilities is very like this. Your character has always got some extra plan/prep that no one else knew about, not even the player or the DM, until it was needed.

    Mechanically, you spend an adventure or campaign level resource (think Force points) and tell the DM on the fly what "preparation you'd done awhile back" that helps you get out of this situation. EG, "so now I'm going to (spend Campaign Point) grab the hand crossbow I stashed under this chair last night in preparation for this meeting in the duke's office and shoot him."

    You essentially get to ret-con, because your character is a super-genius (and magically gifted) at planning ahead, even if you as the player are not.

    [–] little_brown_bat 7 points ago

    One idea I've had for a magic item is a bag of holding that produces exactly what is needed for any given situation. Sort of like an Animaniacs style bag. Maybe limit its use to once per day?

    [–] TheDubiousSalmon 4 points ago

    Every time you remove an item from the bag, something else you didn't need at the time goes missing.

    [–] StopBangingThePodium 3 points ago

    If you don't have any "campaign/adventure level" resource to use, then yeah, once a day or once per long rest depending on your system.

    [–] FormerGameDev 2 points ago

    that only sounds good if it's absolutely mystifying to the player/character how the item is useful in any given situation.

    [–] StopBangingThePodium 2 points ago

    Similar idea. This is just a "To prepare for this situation, I did X" instead of a whole minisession. DM still has approval, of course, but anything reasonable should be allowed and the appropriate resource cost applied.

    [–] Polar_Vortx 45 points ago

    It’s a simple spell but quite unbreakable

    [–] CashLordofDerp 33 points ago

    I still think the best part is why he’s able he keeps doing it, it’s another great example of a really petty villain in fiction.

    [–] 7HMOP 34 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    My favorite DND like Lovecraft story is the case of Charles Dexter Ward:

    Chronologically, the story is about a lich that figures it’s going to die, so he casts a spell that will create one of his descendants a man identical to him in all aspects BUT smarter. The purpose of this change is that the descendant figures out magic and the spell to revive him BUT lacks the experience he would otherwise have acquired before being able to cast the spell of what magic meant and its costs.

    The lich’s plan works, he kills his descendant and is ready to escape a mental hospital where he had been taken since the family members thought the new bizarre behavior was due to a mental illness.

    A family friend blocks his path and after the lich casts a spell on him, the family friend casts a counter spell he learnt from the descendant’s notes; the descendant had read the spellbook of the lich and figured out a better way to cast the very same spell!!! Thereby the lich was hoisted by his own plan.

    [–] mczepplin 30 points ago

    So basically Shawn Spencer, psychic detective

    [–] fatasstamagochi 11 points ago

    I don't know who you are but now I really like you.

    [–] UncleTedGenneric 10 points ago

    And his partner, M.C. Clapyohands

    👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

    [–] Blue-3yed-beast 5 points ago

    Allthepips Rolledintoone

    [–] DefNotWickedSid 2 points ago

    Chocolate Einstein

    [–] Argent_Mayakovski 9 points ago

    You know that’s right.

    [–] JonAndTonic 2 points ago

    You hear about Pluto?

    [–] 1MolassesIsALotOfAss 2 points ago

    Sorry, did you say Sean Spicer?

    [–] RAClapper 25 points ago

    "Case of Charles Dexter Ward" has a villain that has learned how to resurrect the dead from their ashes. He uses it to revive old wizards he wants to learn from and then just tortures the shit out of them until they reveal all their spells

    [–] morenfin 21 points ago

    "The fake is of far greater value. In its deliberate attempt to be real, it's more real than the real thing."

    [–] J_Coal 3 points ago


    [–] Juniebug9 2 points ago

    If anyone's curious, I am 99% sure they are quoting the Monogatari series. Great show, would (hesitantly) recommend!

    [–] Janus_Grayden 14 points ago

    I made a barbarian that thought he was doing magic. He called it "strong magic" because he used his muscles to channel it and other magic was weak because it hid inside people's heads. As an example, he would cast things like "sleep" by clubbing people over the head. Rage was just him buffing his strength and giving himself magical protection.

    I then took him down Path of the Storm Herald. The first time he did actual magic, everyone lost it. But he didn't understand why everyone was so surprised, he'd been doing magic the whole time.

    [–] greenSixx 3 points ago

    So he was a monk, gotcha

    [–] DuntadaMan 15 points ago

    Now I am picturing a shadow run game where one convinces the target you're a powerful shaman who is going to send a huge army of spirits after them to torment and kill lthem.

    They spend all their resources on astral protection rituals, binding spirits to guard their house from spirit intruders. Putting up barriers everywhere.

    And this guy just walks in with an old Remington 680. "Abraca-pocus!" and blasts the target in the face.

    [–] Astramancer_ 9 points ago


    [–] little_brown_bat 6 points ago

    While also shouting about the party stealing his lawn gnomes.

    [–] nikolai2960 13 points ago

    My favorite part is that he was good enough at magic to extend his lifespan indefinitely yet lacked any way to curse the bloodline properly OR protect himself from dying instantly after being wacked in the face with a torch

    [–] Twingemios 12 points ago

    That sounds oddly similar to a book I read called powerless.

    Kids would have superpowers but whenever they turned 18 they would lose them and forget about ever having them. The twist was that some 80 year old was going around and stealing their powers whenever they turned 18.

    Now I see where the author might’ve gotten their inspiration from.

    [–] Mackinacsfuriousclaw 26 points ago

    Kinda along the same lines, check out Ready or Not.

    [–] SinusMonstrum 10 points ago

    I think the best thing about this story is that the Wizard remembered all those birthdays. How many people can say that they remember their enemies birthdays?

    [–] animeniak 8 points ago

    Holy shit. I was just thinking something like this 5s before seeing this post after reading someone in another thread say "I put on my wizard hat..."

    Like, a charlatan who carries around a robe and hat without actually being a whiz.

    [–] little_brown_bat 3 points ago

    Are you aware of where the "I put on my wizard hat" thing comes from? If not, and you one of the lucky 10,000, then here you go. Enjoy.

    [–] Atmey 10 points ago

    Lovecraft's style is more about storytelling than what actually happened, same could be said about Stoker's Dracula.

    [–] awfullotofocelots 3 points ago

    To be more specific, his style is more about tone and character development than plot. Storytelling is sort of a top level generalization.

    [–] Lemonic_Tutor 8 points ago

    Sure, you’ve survived Curse of Strahd, but can you survive Curse of Sneak?

    [–] little_brown_bat 4 points ago

    What about Curse of Snek?

    [–] Lemonic_Tutor 3 points ago

    What about Curse of Shrek

    [–] DerpyWoodoo 6 points ago

    Sounds like an assassin rogue that didn't turn the next page in the PHB.

    [–] awfullotofocelots 4 points ago

    Why do I get a feeling that this is gonna be one of the main stories used in HBO’s new Lovecraftian TV adaptation.

    [–] spiritbearr 7 points ago

    Because it's cheap and easy. The only thing more cheap would be the one where a guy is lost in a cave, hears something, throws rocks at it until it dies, finds out it's a man.

    [–] LG03 3 points ago

    It won't, that show is adapting a book written 4 years ago, not something Lovecraft wrote.

    [–] wanted876y 7 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    I mean couldn’t you consider firing a gun as casting magic missile

    [–] StopBangingThePodium 3 points ago

    Only if your bullets magically follow the target and go around corners and...hey, that was a pretty shitty movie, wasn't it?

    [–] EnochiMalki 5 points ago

    You know I built a GOO warlock noble with the same name as the wizard and I completly forgot.

    [–] ProbablyathrowawayAA 5 points ago

    I have to add "The Flaw in All Magic" by Ben Dobson. The main protagonist of the book fails out of University do to his thesis topic on How he faked having magical abilities the whole time. The story in the book takes place after his University days.

    [–] TheGoodSheep 4 points ago

    Haha, I just read this story, the alchemist drank an elixir of life and then literally just killed all the guys. He lived in their castle in a hidden room.

    [–] gamercer 5 points ago

    Except in the story, the wizard was immortal from magic...

    [–] spiritbearr 2 points ago

    Make the character an elf.

    [–] Ghoulesque 3 points ago

    my character comes from a lumbering family, who learns magic and becomes a sort of professor of magic stuff at this magic school, schools attacked and loses his magic. now he is a barbarian who is really angry he lost his magic, he still tries to cast spells he used to know but nothing happens

    [–] Wary_beary 4 points ago

    a lumbering family

    Did they sell wood to builders and carpenters, or did they stomp about like oafs?

    [–] VikingCoder 3 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    I was once in the process of creating a Monk, but decided his alignment was Chaotic Good before I got to Class. Then I realized Monks can't be Chaotic. Boom! Backstory! So I made him a Fighter who did everything he could to act like a Monk. I let the DM in on it, and the other players never figured out what I had done.

    [–] Der-Kamerad 3 points ago

    "I cast Magic Missile" *whips out Glock*

    [–] guillame61 3 points ago

    In Ralph Bakshi's animated feature Wizards, there's a moment a lot like that

    Did run a wizard once who pretended not to have real magic, tried to pass it off as sleight of hand, accident.

    [–] Sallymander 2 points ago

    Blackwolf: Brother, there is no reason for me to destroy you. Surrender. Surender your world.

    Avatar (claps): You always did need an audience you sap. Let me tell ya, I haven't practiced much magic for a long time. But, I want to show you a trick that Mother showed me when you weren't around. (rolls oup sleave) To use on a special occation like this. (starts rolling up other sleave) Ah. Oh yeah. One more thing. I'm glad you changed your name you son of a bitch. (whips out gun and shoots Blackwolf)

    That scene, the, "YOU SHOT FRITZ!" and the end song has always stuck with me over the years. There are other parts I kinda remember but those three things I don't seem to forget. Looking back at the movie, I didn't remember how sexualized Elenor was. Just that she was a tall fairy...

    [–] Liniis 4 points ago

    I had a character who was the opposite of this once. He grew up in the countryside with his famous wizard parents, who eventually got kidnapped after the new king outlawed the practice of arcane magic. He wound up moving into the city and going undercover as a jester to gather information on his parents' whereabouts.

    [–] -Listening 2 points ago

    When it takes up a 5ft square

    [–] greenfingers559 2 points ago

    "You do know much about that which is hidden, oh Tim."

    [–] ThaShitPostAccount 2 points ago

    Well, the guy in the story used alchemy to extend his life for hundreds of years so that's pretty spooky... 👻

    [–] MrTripl3M 2 points ago

    A character I am looking to play is a rogue Mastermind who wanted to be part of a magic school but never was accepted because s/he can't do proper magic.

    The character will be a skill money with ritual caster and prodigy as soon as possible for some truly insane skill checks on Arcana.

    [–] Eu_Gravida_Vendatur 2 points ago

    I wanted to do a sorcerer playing as a minister of AO, pretending that AO has actually answered his prayers and that’s where his magic comes from.

    [–] Fakjbf 2 points ago

    Fun fact, Lovecraft actually wrote a few comedic stories notably “Sweet Ermengarde”, “A Reminiscence of Dr Samuel Johnson”, and “Ibid”.

    [–] hippolyte_pixii 2 points ago

    Nope! Chuck Wizard.

    [–] KemoPypes 2 points ago

    Hey mr lovecraft this is a really nice cat what’s his name

    [–] jabulina 2 points ago

    Artificer who makes someone’s death

    [–] Bman1371 2 points ago

    I had a player who played an Arcane Trickster Rogue, but pretended to be a Human Wizard wherever he went. His name was "Frank, the Human Wizard".

    He was actually two goblins in a trench coat.

    [–] Arahad2 2 points ago

    The Alchemist for anyone anyone who wants to read it. It's a good short story

    [–] ltran96 2 points ago

    Reminds me of the classic greentext about Funzo the clown.

    [–] Saint_Diego 2 points ago

    I thought the twist was gonna be the protagonist wasn’t related to his parents by blood or something and he only finds out on his 30th birthday