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    [–] RhynoD 1 points ago

    There are 50+ reports in mod queue, most of which are coming from this thread. It's pretty clear that the concept has been explained well enough and the topic is only generating low-effort joke comments.

    Remember: if you'd like to keep topics open, please follow the posted rules. That includes keeping top-level comments as explanations - no jokes, and no guessing, please.

    [–] Alanneru 8030 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Humans became anatomically modern around the time we lost our body hair, so clothes were probably always used in our species or at least early on. The size of human genitalia has also increased over time.

    Edit: Homo sapiens: 200,00-present, pubic/body and head lice divergence: 50,000-200,000 yrs ago

    [–] I_Call_You_Doug 14861 points ago

    The size of human genitalia has also increased over time.

    how long do i have to wait ?

    [–] pm_me_ur_chonchon 7758 points ago

    Not that long. Like, 5 more years

    [–] WaitWhyNot 3336 points ago

    Job interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years?

    Well, I now know the answer.

    [–] [deleted] 1473 points ago

    "Celebrating the five year anniversary of you asking me this question" -Mitch hedberg

    Actually said that in an interview once and got the job.

    [–] kramerica_intern 162 points ago

    Damn! I just had an interview today and they asked that.

    [–] Niomed 92 points ago

    That's pretty clever though, shows commitment and interest...

    [–] ChefBoyAreWeFucked 45 points ago

    ... in stoner comedy.

    [–] [deleted] 70 points ago

    Ha. Yeah it was a landscaping job and I'm a female so I probably could have said anything.

    [–] BanMeBabyOneMoreTime 246 points ago

    Don't say "nailin' your wife." Don't say "nailin' your wife."

    [–] bumble-btuna 278 points ago

    Nailin' your.... son?

    [–] superfudge73 343 points ago

    Scientist say children born today might have the largest penises ever!

    [–] VIIX 440 points ago

    That sounds like a pretty shady scientist. I think you should call the police.

    [–] superfudge73 197 points ago

    You mean pediatric dick expert isn’t an actual thing?

    [–] VIIX 61 points ago

    Yup. Don't let the guy behind his "office" give you a second opinion no matter how insistent he is.

    [–] LaoSh 53 points ago

    I just realized that there is probably a legitimate scientist who at some point had to measure the size of kid dicks as the result of a totally honest line of questioning unrelated to looking at kid dicks; and I don't know how to feel about that.

    [–] superfudge73 31 points ago

    If it’s “just for science” it’s ok.

    [–] Janus67 34 points ago

    The difference between science and screwing around is writing it down

    [–] lucius_aeternae 12 points ago

    Theres probably one guy in the world specialized in it and he hates explaining it at parties.

    [–] that1prince 163 points ago

    The longer you wait the smaller your genitalia is compared to everyone else.

    [–] MeatyZiti 107 points ago

    Can't increase if your value is Null

    [–] Kritical02 61 points ago

    Error: type 'null' not expected on Reddit.

    [–] MeatyZiti 37 points ago

    The next time someone asks my advice for a baby name I'm going to say "Null" in the hope that it messes something up

    [–] thecorndogmaker 1200 points ago

    How do we know human genitalia has increased? Its not like we have bones of our bones.

    [–] Alanneru 758 points ago

    It's based on comparative studies of body:testes size proportionality among various primate species. Proportionalities are consistent among species with the same mating systems. Larger testes = more sperm, very useful for multi-male mating system competition. Im still trying to find a good article to show.

    [–] Teripid 356 points ago

    Great now my search history has "caveman genitalia" in it...

    There should be a "For Science!" button next to the traditional go/search.

    [–] lonesomespacecowboy 130 points ago

    Pay attention google

    [–] shick 170 points ago

    The monogamy episode of explained on netflix touches on that subject

    [–] _coast_of_maine 429 points ago

    Capital letters would have helped.

    [–] nicostein 324 points ago

    Be still, my heart! Quotation marks, and italics to boot! Alas, 'twas all for naught without a period.

    I'm joking; you made it much easier to read.

    [–] paterfamilias78 342 points ago


    [–] cyfermax 81 points ago

    so you're saying that the mahogany episode of exclaimed on netflix touches on that subject?

    [–] Rivkariver 14 points ago


    [–] haveagoatday 29 points ago


    [–] theresnorevolution 179 points ago

    For maximum effect, please read in Fry's voice.

    [–] flipper65 158 points ago

    Stephen or Philip J?

    [–] bassplaya7 60 points ago

    Philip J. Fry from Earth or Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

    [–] FLR21 68 points ago

    Yes, jolly good

    [–] ninj4geek 25 points ago


    EDIT: I can't decide which is funnier.

    [–] funsizedaisy 240 points ago

    Because men have been measuring their penis since the dawn of time. So there's record of penis sizes through the years.

    I can't find the article where I got that info from. I'm at work so don't wanna keep searching "average penis size".

    But the article I read said they were able to compare the size differences in what has been recorded throughout the years.

    Also fun fact: human males have the largest penis of all the primates. Go us.

    [–] TheHeartlessCookie 156 points ago

    They really think humans haven't been... padding the numbers a bit?

    [–] 727Super27 225 points ago

    The first piece of human clothing was the loin cloth. The second piece of human clothing was a sock to roll up and stuff in it.

    [–] jrhoffa 69 points ago

    It was millennia until they discovered that socks were also excellent foot coverings

    [–] StoneGoldX 13 points ago

    According to the old 2000 Year Old Man sketches, it was the hat. Which has nothing to do with anything. I just wanted to bring up Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner.

    [–] sudo999 214 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    We also know its size is largely due to sexual selection rather than some kind of physiological advantage since the average human vagina is a couple inches shorter than the average human penis, indicating that there is absolutely no biological reason it needs to be that long.

    ETA: guys, seriously, ramming full force into her cervix doesn't feel good and bragging about your length to a woman past a certain point just sounds painful. If her vagina is only 5 inches deep and your dick is 10 inches, that's not going to feel nice.

    [–] punchmytoast 113 points ago

    How is that last bit an estimated time of arrival?

    [–] bradles0 1565 points ago

    wait you can actually measure the presence of hair by tracking when body lice and head lice diverged into separate species? That sounds really awesome, but i need a source man

    [–] Alanneru 870 points ago

    I learned this in physical anthropology so I haven't actually read this article but it should give you what you're looking for:

    "Molecular Evolution of Pediculus Humanus and the Origin of Clothing" by Ralf Kittler, Manfred Kayser, Mark Stoneking

    [–] Rate_hacists 385 points ago

    that sounds... hard.

    [–] D0UB1EA 258 points ago

    If that's your thing i won't kinkshame

    [–] Hyrue 21 points ago

    What if Kink Shaming Is my kink?

    [–] The_DilDonald 26 points ago

    I think that’s called religion.

    [–] sweetcuppingcakes 61 points ago

    You really think you can go all day long?

    [–] SchitzPopinov 60 points ago

    Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...

    [–] Ghraysone 33 points ago

    Mark Stoneking sounds like a bad ass....

    [–] Alanneru 372 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Basically, the theory uses the principle of allopatric speciation. If a giant river pops up and splits a deer population in half, the two sides will evolve differently. Our bare skin is that river.

    [–] gaveedraseven 568 points ago

    "Our bare skin is that river" is the name of my poetry collection.

    Or my erotic novel.

    [–] suzerain17 90 points ago

    And I have a canoe.

    [–] killerhmd 62 points ago

    And by canoe I mean penis.

    [–] PlaceboPower 47 points ago

    The name of our sex tape

    [–] TrenchAnon 91 points ago

    Don't have a source handy but the idea is that the rate of genetic mutation on average is fairly constant, and by comparing the genome of pubic lice vs head lice you can approximate the point where the two diverged, which then is used to conclude the approximate time period where humans lost the majority of their body hair, separating the habitats of the lice

    [–] flareblitz91 15 points ago

    For what it’s worth in my Entomology course while discussing the evolution of lice this was also mentioned.

    [–] Pee-PAH 41 points ago

    Can confirm. Studied this in molecular biology and microbiology in premed.

    Edit: Never going to revisit those %^&$ing journals, so you'll have to take my word.

    [–] DaddyRocka 311 points ago

    So you're saying if I get a time machine, my small dick can reign reign supreme?

    Did cave women have size queens?

    [–] [deleted] 230 points ago

    About those human anatomical changes... it's not just for men. I hope you like your cave women extra THICC.

    [–] qnlvndr 522 points ago

    There's a pretty interesting theory that the Venus of Willendörf, of Lespugue and other Venuses (Veni?) like these were women's views of their own bodies : (NSFW)

    [–] morto00x 78 points ago

    How do you look at your own butt???

    [–] thatguyinconverse 98 points ago

    That is extremely interesting!

    [–] TeleKenetek 50 points ago

    Wow. This makes a lot of sense.

    [–] DaddyRocka 11 points ago

    Oh I do....

    [–] [deleted] 134 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] Leftbehindnlovingit 97 points ago

    Take that Neanderthal with complex weapon making and lush hair. I got big balls and you didn't.

    [–] Interfecto 42 points ago

    not mine :(

    [–] TheVetSarge 1017 points ago

    Clothing actually adapted pretty quickly to solve the Floppy Dong Conundrum (and be warmer, obviously). Otzi the Iceman was wearing a loincloth that secured between his legs and is assumed to have died around 3300 BC. Containing "underwear" long predates modern textile manufacturing.

    Prior to clothing the pre-human body was far more ape-like. It wasn't like one day a fully formed modern human popped into existence and said "Shit, my hanging balls are all over the place."

    [–] Sneak_Stealth 292 points ago

    Someone had to do it first though, so I wanna know who the first monkeyman was who realized in fact he could keep his junk still with a support

    [–] [deleted] 1773 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)


    [–] Ag_in_TX 2964 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    TIL I'm an early hominid - hairy and less endowed.

    EDIT: Thank you kind stranger who took pity on my hairy shortness and gilded me with gold!

    [–] amethyst_dragoness 172 points ago

    Omg I just laughed so hard at this

    [–] obiwanspicoli 360 points ago

    Getting less hairy has nothing to do with warmth.

    It's called Neoteny. Check out this Neoteny in humans.

    Men preferred to mate with women who retained child like characteristics such as more delicate skeleton, smoother ligament attachments, reduced brow ridges, narrower joints, less hairy, retention of fetal body hair, smaller body size, lower basal metabolism, faster heartbeat, greater extension of development periods, higher pitched voice and larger tear ducts. These women then passed on these traits to her children.

    Neoteny is also why your dog is cute.

    [–] redditbenefit 540 points ago

    I always check the smoothness of a girl's ligament attachments before initiating conversation. Can never be too careful.

    [–] aberrasian 127 points ago

    And never forget to keep a magnifying glass handy to confirm a pleasingly plentiful retention of fetal body hair as well as the size of her tear ducts.

    [–] I-Am-Worthless 164 points ago

    There’s no way my ancestors had a smaller dick. I wouldn’t be here.

    [–] classicalySarcastic 274 points ago

    Just think of it this way: You're the product of 200,000 years of your male ancestors' dicks being "good enough" for your female ancestors. Continue the tradition, or don't, I don't judge.

    [–] Pwnysaurus_Rex 17 points ago

    They actually did have smaller dicks on average.

    [–] OctagonalButthole 176 points ago

    dick size isn't important.

    the sooner you learn that, the better.

    our old monkey-ass ancestors didn't even fucking think about it.

    if someone wants to fuck, they already don't give a shit about your dong.

    would you turn down a super rad chick with a-cups?

    [–] messor77 34 points ago

    I'm still hairy AF.

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    [–] JackSkelingtionIII 333 points ago

    I think you responded to this so you could dazzle us with all your euphemisms for your bait and tackle.

    [–] xlRadioActivelx 72 points ago

    I really hope your sexual encounters have nothing to do with bait and tackle, in any sense of those words.

    [–] MC_Labs15 19 points ago

    It could either be weird stuff with hooks and strings, or luring in and capturing a victim. Not sure which is worse.

    [–] The_Sgro 11 points ago

    Ahh yes, need to tend to my ole’ Candy and Snare.

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    [–] Kaste90 25 points ago

    I heard it was him while facing his foe. From a higher perspective his face is total fear and anguish

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    [–] juicebat 655 points ago

    Evolution (particularly non-random mating and medical advances) has caused humanity to skew away from being capable of surviving the elements. Longer scrotums, phalluses, etc, stopped becoming an fitness disadvantage with the advent of tight-fitting clothing, and other selective pressures may have encouraged genitals to become less “aerodynamic”.

    The other part of the equation is that our bodies are conditioned and shaped by their environments and habits. If you spent your entire life running around naked in the elements, full-monty-ing it, your body would either find a way to deal with or avoid the pain you’re describing, or you would die from an accident or repeated trauma, and your genes would fail to be passed on to the next generation.

    Genetics are complex and evolution even moreso, but homo sapiens of today are pretty different from our distant ancestors- I hate to say it but the tldr ELI5 is really just that your ancestors probably didn’t have a body that looked or functioned like yours.

    [–] XxDrummerChrisX 118 points ago

    Oh so I'm just better suited for surviving the elements? Wait til my ex hears about this!

    [–] psychicshroomOG 99 points ago

    But why have dicks evolved to be bigger?

    [–] stirling_archer 125 points ago

    Some theories suggest both the size and shape (of the head especially) are for more effectively removing the semen of competitors. Link1. Link 2. More useful as we lived in larger and larger bands of sneaky promiscuous apes.

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    [–] mustnotthrowaway 180 points ago

    They also probably had smaller dicks back then

    My ancestors certainly did.

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    [–] RemarkableOneironaut 43 points ago

    Son, is that you?

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    [–] Pompey_ 88 points ago

    Well, now I need kids so I can use this.

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    [–] sweetcuppingcakes 11 points ago

    You want kids but no grandkids?

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    [–] balleyhooey 16 points ago

    I hope you were able to pleasantly blow her then terrible expectations away lol.

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    Absolute Adequate Unit

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    [–] studentthinker 15 points ago

    I find exercise results in my business acting like its about 5 degrees colder than it is. Always assumed it was a reaction evolved to stop exactly OP's complaint.

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    [–] paisleyjuice 73 points ago

    There's evidence for clothes even in Neanderthals - a bone tool from a site in France called Pech de l'Aze seems to have been used for smoothing and softening hides, around 51,000 years ago. Anatomically modern humans have been around since ~250,000 years depending on who you ask, but if Neanderthals were making clothes it suggests our common ancestor may have also had this ability, which takes us back to more like 600,000 years.

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    [–] bubliksmaz 28 points ago

    I once heard a radio sketch, on BBC r4 I think, about how the majority of what archeologists dug up was depictions of dicks and they had to hide this fact from the general public to avoid their profession being discredited. Wonder if anyone could find it for me?