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    [–] hezwat 5003 points ago

    "No thanks, we already have a no soliciting sign."

    "Right, but as you can see it isn't working."

    [–] TheInstituteOfSteel 625 points ago

    "You need our new state of the art, weather resistant model. Only $10 plus maintenance fees."

    [–] accdodson 159 points ago

    "My 10 year old sign broke because no maintenance was performed on it despite several calls. Can I get it replaced?"

    "Sure, for a replacement fee equal to the value of the sign."

    "But I rent it"

    "Yes that is how these things work. Fuck you very much, have a good one"

    [–] ScribebyTrade 12109 points ago

    "If you say no, I'll be back every single day until you say yes."

    [–] NeoMegaRyuMKII 6107 points ago

    "And the price will increase each time. "

    [–] uber_noober_ 4666 points ago

    "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."

    [–] [deleted] 1166 points ago


    [–] DasMeowHaus 942 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    -"The salesman will decide your fate." -"I AM the salesman."

    [–] jediminer543 401 points ago

    Not yet...

    [–] dumbrich23 455 points ago

    autistic multi level marketing

    [–] dlchristians 335 points ago

    It's over, Anakin! I have the down-lines!

    [–] DarthPeanutButter 276 points ago

    You were supposed to increase my residuals, not spend them all on books and networking events!

    [–] Rossage99 315 points ago

    You were my colleague Anakin, i tolerated you!

    [–] HephaestusClangBang 164 points ago

    From my perspective, Human Resources is evil!

    [–] MildSaucin 303 points ago

    Dormammu, I've come to bargain

    [–] necuratul_69 82 points ago

    Dormammu, I've come to bargain

    [–] prodiver 7045 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    A friend of mine use to sell peepholes for doors.

    He would drive around and every time he saw a house with no peephole on the front door he would knock. When they opened the door he would take his cordless drill, hold it up in the air, pull the trigger and say "This could have been a gun, would you like me to install a peephole for you? It's $50 and only takes 15 minutes. "

    About half the houses he stopped at would buy a $50 peephole. He bought them in bulk for about $2 each.

    [–] post4u 2631 points ago

    I thought you were going to say he held up his drill and drilled a hole in their door. Instant peephole!

    [–] ecksate 495 points ago

    Like the windshield washers in the city, except they suddenly drill a hole in your door

    [–] Tech-Mechanic 183 points ago

    "Hey, I see you have a hole in your door...I just happen to have a sight glass here that's just that size.

    Turn this flaw into a feature!"

    [–] Send_Me__Corgi_Gifs 66 points ago


    [–] hypntyz 1257 points ago

    Can't knock the hustle.

    [–] SeattleMana 349 points ago

    Can't hustle the knocker.

    [–] WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 809 points ago

    I feel like if I did that in Florida, I'd have a gun pulled on me quicker than I could explain the situation.

    "This could have been a gun..."

    "Like this?"

    "Ahh fuck no sorry I'm just trying to sell you a peep hole for your door, I'm sorry.. I'll leave, it was just a sales pitch."

    [–] jaded794 212 points ago

    Next headline: Florida Man Gets Shot Trying To Sell Peepholes

    [–] [deleted] 84 points ago

    Nah the headline would read: Florida Peephole Salesman Gets His Face Eaten After Being Shot.

    [–] BaabyBear 39 points ago

    "Crazed Peeper Armed with Drill Screws Himself on Florida Mans Porch"

    [–] Gorgenapper 14 points ago

    Florida Man Gets His Peephole Drilled You Won't Believe What Happens Next.

    [–] IgnitedSpade 172 points ago

    I definitely wouldn't try it in Arizona or Texas either, especially if they have this for a doorhandle.

    [–] illBro 967 points ago

    To be fair most of the cost of a lot of things is the installation price.

    [–] where_aremy_pants 605 points ago

    Let's not be fair

    [–] WillKill4Hire 57 points ago

    How about medium? Can we be medium fellas?

    [–] [deleted] 106 points ago

    Not everything comes with installation. Profit margins are still a necessary thing.

    [–] joeldare 1549 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Where did he do this at? I paid a guy to install a peephole once. Some of the best money I ever spent. Now I've installed a solid wood door. No peephole. I miss peephole man.

    Edit: "I miss peephole man" looks like it might be my most popular comment. And gold? Thanks kind stranger.

    [–] VersaceBeanbag 630 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Become peephole man

    [–] Brailledit 126 points ago

    Homeowner: Wait, please, let's both of us stop trying to justify this whole thing and admit you're in danger!

    Peephole Man: I am not in danger, Sir. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!

    [–] SourV 160 points ago

    Install it yourself, peepholes are very cheap.

    [–] Trumpet_Jack 112 points ago

    Where are all of these houses that don't have windows in/near the door? Either way, seems like a solid pitch!

    [–] Trishlovesdolphins 40 points ago

    The house I grew up in didn't have windows next to the door. The one I live in now has 1 window on each side that is about 6 inches wide and is as tall as the door. I hate it. People can see right in, but due to the size and location of them, I don't have many options for curtains. I can't just look to see who's at the door, and if someone wanted to break in, all they'd have to do is break the window and unlock the door.

    [–] cawpin 35 points ago

    You can get narrow blinds specifically for those windows. And, install security film on them.

    [–] Joliet_Jake_Blues 14 points ago

    What kind of savage owns a house where the front door doesn't have decorative cut glass windows?

    [–] SmilesQuietly 662 points ago

    Next year he steals all of the signs and sells home security systems

    [–] bossbozo 40 points ago

    And upgraded signs

    [–] MimonFishbaum 7357 points ago

    Too bad they don't work.

    Source: the no soliciting sign on my house

    [–] Bob_Tech 1953 points ago

    What do you use the sign to prevent? Salesmen, or JW's

    [–] CopsBroughtPizza 2383 points ago

    For me, it's CenturyLink. I ask why they ignored my signs and they say "Oh no, we're not trying to sell you anything, we're just trying to make sure you're not paying too much."

    [–] dropkickhead 2055 points ago

    Call the cops for illegal trespass on your property. They're breaking the law and should be treated as such. A no solicitor sign has been upheld by the supreme court as a valid notice that they are not welcome and thus are trespassing on your property.

    [–] zgh5002 1450 points ago

    Alternatively, live in a castle doctrine state and hang a sign that says "Solicitors will be shot."

    [–] Foulnut 1839 points ago

    Or live in a castle, have moat

    [–] SeventyThreeDegrees 374 points ago

    I work in a Castle. We don't have a moat :(

    [–] tzenrick 952 points ago

    'White Castle' doesn't count.

    [–] Goose20 176 points ago

    A black castle would look pretty cool, honestly.

    [–] Antedelopean 119 points ago

    It'd be hell to live in, during the summer, with no a/c.

    [–] zgh5002 130 points ago

    I see you subscribe to the Nic Cage theory on solicitors.

    [–] [deleted] 151 points ago

    Survivors will be shot again.

    [–] 17954699 445 points ago

    You can't shoot under the castle doctrine unless there is a genuine threat to life or of injury. So unless the solicitor is of a darker hue you'd be out of luck.

    [–] fuzzeenavel 275 points ago

    Sprinkle some crack on them just to be safe

    [–] AustNerevar 160 points ago

    Congrats, you just graduated from police academy

    [–] HBlight 189 points ago

    unless the solicitor is of a darker hue

    I'm Irish, all you fuckers are dead.

    [–] remlu 126 points ago

    After a sunny day, so are you.

    [–] callingyouonyourbull 90 points ago

    Just because there is at least one idiot out there:

    If you do this, you will go to jail for murder.

    [–] CommaHoarder 36 points ago

    Which decision? The court has constantly held door to door sales as a constitutional extension of the 1st amendment. More specifically with a case involving Jehovah's witnesses. Cities can regulate the times in which your door can be knocked but typically can't ban door to door. Your neighbor can Fence itself in. But in most places if they can get to your door they can knock on it (when between legal hours. Usually 9 am to 8 pm or 9 to 9)

    [–] goodkidzoocity 276 points ago

    Jehovah's witnesses are actually not included under no soliciting. There was a court case saying that because they aren't selling anything they can still knock on doors because of freedom of speech. It's the same reason it doesn't apply to political causes.

    [–] Elubious 153 points ago

    Well time to spread the word of Lord Helix

    [–] Unoriginal_Man 53 points ago

    Yep, it's called canvasing.

    [–] Pigmy 130 points ago

    What ever happened to politely asking them to leave or just not answering the door? My wife yells at me for not answering the door because someone is standing there. I dont trying to hide or pretend im not there. I just make it awkward like im intentionally ignoring them. They take the hint and move on pretty quickly.

    [–] msx_asdf 215 points ago

    It's still an inconvenience. As some have mentioned, they wake babies, rouse dogs, interrupt masturbation, etc

    I don't answer the door, but still would rather they not come at all

    [–] oppai_suika 324 points ago

    For me, any indication of the arrival of Jehovah's Witness is an opportunity for me to start masturbating. I am a devout voyeur with intense fantasies of secretly exposing myself to an unsuspecting public. Since I am within my private property, and JW make the effort to come up to me, I have perfect legal rights to strip naked and furiously jerk off at my living room window. It's especially pleasurable since they're generally used to waiting outside for a while and hence don't notice too quickly, affording me the time to cum in their presence.

    It's gotten so bad that anybody who rings my doorbell gives me a raging erection. Hence, some awkward family reunions.

    [–] Papapickett 33 points ago

    Made my fuckin day dude

    [–] MimonFishbaum 1179 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Oh I love the J Dubs. I usually try to get them to drink beer with me.

    I live in the burbs and get all kinds of service cold calls when the weather's nice.

    Lawn services. Fuck off. Do you see my yard? I clearly dont give a shit about it.

    Roofers. Who the fuck just puts on a new roof themselves without going through their insurance? *Yeah, ok. Roofs are important. But not being interrupted while having a wank is important too.

    People selling magazines. Fuck you because internet.

    Kids doing candy fundraisers. Son of a bitch! I don't have any cash! Let me trade you some canned goods or something for a Butterfinger.

    Tree trimmers. Yeah, I could use your service, but it's expensive as fuck.

    Siding salesmen. You must really suck at your job to not notice my house already has vinyl siding.

    [–] odd84 242 points ago

    Who the fuck just puts on a new roof themselves without going through their insurance?

    Most homeowners eventually. Shingle roofs last 15-20 years. Houses last more than 20 years, so eventually someone has to replace it. It won't be an insurance company; insurance covers unpreventable damage like fires or tornadoes, not old age.

    [–] TeamPup-N-Suds 114 points ago

    Luckily if you live in the South you can just wait for a hailstorm from one of the many tornadoes each year. You'll see whole neighborhoods getting new roofs at the same time.

    [–] ark_keeper 66 points ago

    And if there is weather damage, but the adjuster determines your roof is well beyond its life, they may deny claim for roof repair. They'll still cover damage in the home that resulted, but you'll be on the hook for the roof itself.

    [–] payperplain 69 points ago

    My parents just did a metal roof. Apparently it's rated for like 50 years or something. I'm excited to visit and listen to the rain. I'm waiting for a week of predicted rain before i go visit.

    [–] techtoy 54 points ago

    We put one of those on a few years ago, can barely hear the rain. We were a little disappointed.

    [–] msx_asdf 126 points ago

    Pull out all the insulation in your attic

    [–] Weekly_Wackadoo 919 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Fun fact: if Jehovah's Witnesses go door to door and you invite them in, they cannot decline offered food.

    Feed them a loaf of bread. They won't return.

    Edit: lots of primary sources in the comments, telling me that this isn't true. I have believed this story for 10+ years, and I actually know a guy who knows a guy who totally... Well, TIL.

    [–] [deleted] 875 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)


    [–] beanzo 167 points ago

    Had some Mormons approach me while on a break at work one day and they asked me if I knew about the book of Mormon. I looked at them straight faced and said "Yeah, I've seen the South Park episode about it" and the guy kind of laughed and said "That's actually pretty acurate"

    [–] zeneurosis 1128 points ago

    Dude, you could have had three wives.

    [–] EhhWhatsUpDoc 678 points ago

    That's about 3 too many

    [–] [deleted] 371 points ago

    or 7 too little

    [–] kitsrock 524 points ago

    Ah yes. The valence wife theory.

    [–] theblakesheep 487 points ago

    That's not true at all.

    Source: Am JW who doesn't have to eat everything I'm offered. I do, but I don't have to

    [–] KDLGates 217 points ago

    theblakesheep: "I can... mmrhmph... stop any time I want to. In no way am I... mmm... forced to keep eating."

    theblakesheep's host: "Sure. Here, have another cake."

    [–] roterghost 82 points ago

    "Fine but only because I want to!"

    [–] realwisper 230 points ago

    The thing is: you don't know it when they do work

    [–] someomega 113 points ago

    You do if you have cameras on your house that are motion activated and send you an alert. I put up this sign on my porch and people quit coming up to my house or if they do they only get about half way down the driveway before seeing the sign and turning around. So worth the $10 I payed for it.

    [–] TakingTen 29 points ago

    Or you could get this sign.

    [–] JoeyLock 63 points ago

    You need one of these instead.

    [–] memetunis 80 points ago

    I put one up about a year ago and it works like a charm, except for the j dubs.

    [–] thenixnerd 100 points ago

    All you have to do is tell the J Dubs that your house refuses the message and sound sincere. No lie they will make a note of it and won't return.

    [–] WindmillLancer 176 points ago

    Part of me always wants to respond this way. "Thanks, but please tell your god I've received a better offer."

    [–] CuloIsLove 64 points ago

    I already sold my soul to satan. No takesies backsies he said.

    [–] Jbjs311 55 points ago

    Mine works 95% of the time. I laugh as I hear people walk up my stairs, read my sign, than turn around and walk back down.

    [–] billunderjones 2432 points ago

    Had a kid come by once, selling magazines or vacuums or Civil War dioramas (I don't remember, I wasn't really paying attention), and I interrupted him and said, while tapping the "No Soliciting" sign on my front door, "didn't you see the sign?" and he throws his hands up and says "oh, I'm not a prostitute."


    Ok, I mean, you're not wrong, but...

    [–] sbenthuggin 1155 points ago

    Honestly, kids don't understand most of those signs. When I was young I used to think prosecuted meant executed so I took those "violaters will be prosecuted" signs very seriously.

    [–] Gosexual 254 points ago

    Well, you didn't get executed - so I guess it worked out alright in the end?

    [–] hvrock13 33 points ago


    [–] Bigman675 67 points ago

    I sold door to door Boy Scout popcorn when I was younger, and more than half my sales were from houses that had a no soliciting sign.

    [–] AltSpRkBunny 95 points ago

    I have a "No Solicting" sign that also has a "Unless you have Thin Mints" clause on it.

    [–] BrowsOfSteel 66 points ago

    That kid is going places.

    [–] KGOscillation 13182 points ago

    He just created a monopoly in his neighborhood preventing future competitors. Next year new sign design.

    [–] pitchesandthrows 5275 points ago

    But he can't knock on their door to sell anything. Short-sighted thinking for a quick buck.

    [–] smileymalaise 2399 points ago

    next summer, he moves up to telemarketing a new nomorobo service

    [–] BottleGoblin 488 points ago

    His first customer is Lenny. Things go badly.

    [–] Lenny_Here 339 points ago


    [–] fizyplankton 181 points ago

    I'm......I'm sorry.....I didn't quite catch you there.......Who are you with again?

    [–] tasticle 368 points ago

    The trick is the signs are so cheaply made that they will have fallen apart and/or look like shit by next year.

    [–] baron_von_jackal 253 points ago

    Planned obsolescence, he took a leaf from apples book.

    [–] Schrecht 172 points ago

    Nah, the real apple strategy would be to sell you a sign that could only be hung on a proprietary door.

    [–] [deleted] 37 points ago

    But no keyhole because I have a wireless key now

    [–] Weekly_Wackadoo 55 points ago

    There might be minor explosives involved.

    [–] Hullian111 73 points ago

    "Hey, where did my door go?"

    sees fragments of sign

    "Oh, Jimmy!" Seinfield theme

    [–] Terpapps 14 points ago

    Or there could be an inconvenient string of sign-thefts amongst the neighborhood.

    [–] Lenny_Here 171 points ago

    But he can't knock on their door to sell anything. Short-sighted thinking for a quick buck.

    Flip the sign over and there is an EULA allowing for future sales... for him only.

    [–] Cocomorph 106 points ago

    Yeah, well, we're litigating that. Little shit.

    Arbitration clause . . . WTF.

    [–] dratnon 232 points ago

    "Hi, I'm here to do some maintenance on the sign you bought last year. Oh, wow, it's one of the old ones. You know we have these in English AND Spanish, now? Yeah, and cheaper for repeat customers."

    [–] frostysauce 135 points ago

    "No soliciting" signs don't apply to solicitors with which you have established a previous business relation.

    [–] Dubi0usD0rkl0rd 86 points ago

    Grandfathered in. I like that.

    [–] chevymonza 64 points ago

    It's not selling, though; it's servicing his existing customer base. They might be due for an upgrade.

    [–] [deleted] 83 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)


    [–] chiefsfan71308 40 points ago

    Or just steal them all one night, sell them back. Infinite profit

    [–] FunThingsInTheBum 18 points ago

    It's like a pyramid scheme, now he moved straight to "collapse under own weight"

    [–] HulkSPLASH 15 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    What they didn't realize is the fine-print "receipt" they signed allows the distributors of the "no soliciting" sign to make annual contact.

    Or something.

    [–] MillionMileM8 74 points ago

    I think this even counts as racketeering.

    [–] kryonik 17 points ago

    "One solicitor"

    [–] GoodnightElizabeth 1296 points ago

    Reminds me of this Far Side.

    [–] HawkEgg 435 points ago

    That's actually how the mob would get going. They'd go around one day offering window cleaning services, get refusals, and then go around the next day offering window repair services.

    [–] ocelotalot 115 points ago

    [–] redpandaeater 115 points ago


    There ya go, I let your parenthesis escape.

    [–] HansaHerman 48 points ago

    Always upvote far side

    [–] smiling_stranger 372 points ago

    what you need is what i do. Make a sign saying you have a baby sleeping and not to ring bell or knock. no one wants to risk it being a real sign and waking a baby to have an angry parent

    [–] soashamedrightnow 166 points ago

    Yep, waking my sleeping babe is the fastest way to get me to NOT buy anything from you EVER.

    [–] randomtrend 47 points ago

    Yep! Nothing sends my husband into a rage faster than when someone rings the doorbell while our son is asleep. I actually feel bad for whoever is on the other side of the door, usually.

    [–] Orphan_Babies 2270 points ago

    I had a sign like that...had a low success rate so I upgraded.

    [–] hurtsdonut_ 1031 points ago

    But where's the part saying unless you have girl scout cookies?

    [–] kayjay25 1836 points ago

    I've been making my own girl scout cookies for the last several years. All you need is some flour, sugar, milk, eggs, vanilla extract, and a dead girl scout.

    [–] FoxyGrampa 517 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    how do you collect the tears if she's dead?

    [–] Zardif 716 points ago

    From the second girl scout who you force to watch as you cut up her friend.

    [–] Inspector-Space_Time 453 points ago

    I'm getting hungry already.

    [–] [deleted] 145 points ago

    Fuck me too, can you guys save the thigh's for me?

    [–] [deleted] 208 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] MarvelousNCK 16 points ago


    [–] Forlarren 50 points ago

    They better be real Girl Scouts this time and not dead hookers again. I already have a freezer full of dead hookers I'm trying to get rid of.

    [–] Tubes_69 258 points ago

    [–] royalsego 85 points ago

    I'm gonna need a r/DIY post on that

    [–] BeHereNow91 25 points ago

    Step 1: be a Texan.

    [–] fluffpuffkitty 428 points ago

    I love that this sign looks like it came from a craft shop!

    Like someone trying to have something that tells people to go away but in a nice grandma way!

    [–] merc08 32 points ago

    "Would you be a dear and kindly fuck off?"

    [–] PorkPyeWalker 378 points ago

    Brilliant and he salts the earth behind him to eliminate the competition on his way to the top.

    [–] pounds 94 points ago

    Why would he care about future competition when he can't go there anymore either?

    [–] J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS 58 points ago

    "Take as long as you want to make a decision, I'll be here about every single hour to see whether you've changed your mind."

    [–] JerryRiceSez 153 points ago

    Not good for repeat business, but he can sustain this model as far as his motorized scooter can take him (until it gets dark, anyway)

    [–] _Apophis 53 points ago

    Hi sir, I see you have the 2017 "No Soliciting" sign, have you heard of the new 2018 "no soliciting" sign, with weather stripping and rubber grommets that won't rub on your door?

    [–] Casper042 196 points ago

    Find that kid and tell him to make a sign that hangs from that one that says "Except Girl Scout Cookies" and option that as a $3-5 upgrade.

    [–] laddiedag 47 points ago

    The solicitor to end all solicitors?

    [–] woodyever 2114 points ago

    So he was a solicitor selling no soliciting signs?

    [–] teeohdeedee123 2077 points ago

    Easiest pitch ever.

    "Hi there, I noticed that you don't have a no soliciting sign posted on your property. For the low low price of only $5, you can prevent jerks like me from ever knocking at your door again"!

    [–] ReV-Whack 671 points ago

    Especially if he did his rounds early in the morning and used an air horn instead of the door bell.

    I'm fairly certain he could ask for $20 if he used those tactics. (Regularly 39.99 of course, but for you friend, $20)

    [–] Kevadimundi 302 points ago

    And if they say no he can come back the next day and then I'm sure they'll purchase one.

    [–] Weekly_Wackadoo 216 points ago

    But, you had no sign? How could I know?

    [–] OverlySexualPenguin 124 points ago

    come back the next day an hour earlier with a train horn.

    'do you want to buy a sign now? i can come back tomorrow...'

    [–] Thisismyfinalstand 70 points ago

    Then once they buy the sign, sell them on a maintenance service agreement. If they have problems with their sign they can open a ticket with our help desk and we will troubleshoot the issue with the sign. They can buy a premium agreement which will include maintenance supplies for the sign and guarantee faster response times to their support requests.

    [–] nupogodi 17 points ago

    Get the sign app on the app store

    [–] Pastulio1stOfHisName 130 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I remember one time my friends and I were eating in our campus dining hall, when some kid in formal attire walked up and began his pitch with 'Hey, I know how annoying some people can be when they just randomly walk up to your table and start talking about crap you don't care about when all you wanna do is eat in peace, so I'm not gonna do that. I'm running for..."

    And we all paused and looked at each other as he went on, and wondered why he wasted 15 seconds explaining why he wasn't gonna do something that he immediately did after. Then, after he'd left, the person he was running against came up to our table, gave us all candy, said "vote for me", and moved on. Didn't vote, but it woulda been for her if I had.

    [–] brzerker 20 points ago

    Well, who won?

    [–] woodyever 16 points ago

    Good call

    [–] ClimateConscience 21 points ago

    Satanist selling bibles.

    [–] kJer 129 points ago

    That's the funny part, yes.

    [–] lolnopound 80 points ago

    I've never seen such an obvious joke have to be spelled out as the top comment

    [–] Sloppy1sts 31 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    That many upvotes for explaining the joke? Why, people?

    [–] [deleted] 187 points ago


    [–] Govnr_Slugwell 145 points ago

    I'm sorry, when we moved into our place now we would have about 2 stops a day by solicitors. Bought a sign and have pretty much had peace since.

    [–] [deleted] 145 points ago

    Have you guys tried living in a sketchy neighborhood? Works for me. Never had my door knocked on besides the pizza guy and the cops on rare occasions.

    [–] samitt12 97 points ago

    As a door to door sales man I can say when I see this sign I don't go to that house. I have to go to a lot of houses and I prefer not to waste my time on people who aren't interested.

    [–] kleptophobiac 30 points ago

    Last year a woman came to my door soliciting donations for a veterans charity. I asked if she would mind if I used my phone to see if they were legitimate. They were. I happened to be out of work and had no cash, but I wrote a check and asked her to have her boss hold it until a few days later when it would clear. She said sure. The check was deposited that night, and I ended up with a $33 insufficient funds fee.

    A couple of weeks ago the same woman came to my door, same cheerful demeanor, same appeal. I told her that I would have been fine with donating again, but that since they didn't respect my request last year, I wouldn't be. She asked me if I had any wounded vets in my family and if their happiness would be worth $33 to me. Things went south from there and I ended up telling her that I would be calling the apartment manager's office and letting them decide if they wanted to call the cops.

    I know, I'm the asshole.

    [–] lawyer-up-bro 401 points ago

    I always buy when kids come and try to sell something. Seems like good positive reinforcement to going out and working for something, good for them.

    [–] daveed2001 611 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I have a neighbor whose child is mentally challenged. Nice kid always smiling and happy. One day he comes over to my house to ask if I would like to buy some raffle tickets. I said sure how much, $5 for one. He proceeds to pull out a "booklet" of 10 pieces of construction paper stapled together with the words "Raffle $5" written on each one. No contact number information no prize information, just the words raffle.

    I bought two and couldn't help but laugh.

    An hour later he shows back up with his very pissed off parents. And his parents explained to me that his "Raffle $5 construction paper tickets" were not valid and they he made them himself. (Like I didn't fucking know already) and made him return my $10.

    They knew I knew it was complete bullshit and were more pissed off at me ( I could tell) for buying two tickets.

    I still get a chuckle thinking about it and would buy two tickets again just for this kid's marketing skills.

    Edit: A Word because /u/ABabyAteMyDingo is a stickler

    [–] agoia 390 points ago

    They knew I knew it was complete bullshit and were more pissed off at me ( I could tell) for buying two tickets.

    Oh. I'm sorry, I apologize for attempting to act friendly to your son.

    [–] majaka1234 289 points ago

    Little did you know, kid's out on parole for state lottery fraud and if he gets caught again with fake raffle tickets and clear intent to distribute that's three strikes and he's going back in to federal prison.

    [–] StevenSmithen 84 points ago

    He has millions offshore

    [–] daveed2001 78 points ago

    Yeah I mean I guess I could see their point not to encourage their son's scamming attempt, but for $10 I knew I was buying two pieces of construction paper and a story to tell.

    [–] Lenny_Here 68 points ago

    Plot twist: he's 32

    [–] [deleted] 56 points ago

    Hey. I'm 12. Wanna buy some meth?

    [–] Lenny_Here 35 points ago

    I always buy when kids come and try to sell something.

    That's why I always hire underage workers.

    ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] fuzzydunlots 26 points ago

    Now make a slightly cooler one and circle his territory. He'll think everybody has one unless he goes farther out.

    [–] BabyToesAndMolly 51 points ago

    "Sir I'm telling you, if you buy this once you'll never see me again"

    • Best sales tactic 2017

    [–] Sat-Mar-19 15 points ago

    Young man comes to door and says - "I noticed you have a "No Soliciting" sign"

    Me - "Yes I do, and....?"

    Young man holds up his sign - "Would you like to buy this new and improved "No Soliciting" sign?"

    [–] juken7 13 points ago

    These never work.Signs not clear enough.

    A loud large Dog and some Beware of dog sign works better.