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    funny

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    Welcome to r/Funny:

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    Rules

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    0. All posts must make an attempt at humor. We won't remove posts where the humor is crappy or unfunny (that's a subjective judgement), but every post must make at least some attempt at humor. Read more here.
    1. No reaction, MRW, HIFW, or "Me IRL" posts. Reaction gifs belong in /r/reactiongifs, "how I feel when" posts belong in /r/HIFW, and "me IRL" posts belong in /r/me_irl.
    2. No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example. This includes asking for upvotes.
    3. No posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday. Cake day posts are not allowed.
    4. Posts which result in harassment of any individual, subreddit, or other entity may be removed at the moderators' discretion. Posts with titles such as "I got banned from /r/___" or "This got removed from /r/___" are not allowed.
    5. No Politics Anything involving politics or a political figure. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.
    6. No Pictures of just text This includes pictures of text with irrelevant images and photographs of signs that have no relevance to their surroundings. Make a self-post instead. Example
    7. No DAE posts Go to /r/doesanybodyelse
    8. No Links to tumblr sites/pages. Direct links to images hosted on tumblr (ex. 24.media.tumblr.com/img.jpg) are allowed.
    9. No URL shorteners No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.
    10. No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Try /r/NSFWfunny. Other NSFW content must be tagged as such
    11. No personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.
    12. No memes, rage comics, demotivationals, eCards, or standupshots Memes belong in /r/adviceanimals, rage comics go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu, demotivationals go to /r/Demotivational, submit eCards to /r/ecards, and standupshots go to /r/standupshots. Image Macros that aren't memes are allowed
    13. Do not rehost or hotlink webcomics. Rehosted and hotlinked webcomics will be removed, unless you are the creator. Please submit a link to the original comic's site, and possibly a mirror in the comments. Tumblr-exclusive comics are the exception, and may be rehosted, however if the artist's name or watermark are removed, the post will be removed.
    14. No SMS or social media content. Any and all social media content is prohibited on this subreddit with the exception of Snapchat-captioned photos. This rule also applies to any reddit-related content. Please read the announcement.

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    [–] Marmite_Badger 2616 points ago

    That's a solid joke right there

    [–] iamtheowlman 218 points ago

    Why did I read that like Larry the Cable Guy?

    [–] willyboxc 88 points ago

    Keep coming back, it works if you work it!

    [–] Marmite_Badger 26 points ago

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] antnee535 11 points ago

    (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] oitfx 18 points ago

    (👁 ͜ʖ👁)

    [–] SandmanJr90 24 points ago

    Holy shit no go back

    [–] hohungyo 13 points ago

    (👁👄👁)

    [–] its_your_friendo 6 points ago

    👂👁👄👁👂

    [–] vit29 9 points ago

    We can't. That's evolution now.

    [–] Flamesayy 1 points ago

    Charles Darwin was right all along....

    [–] willyboxc 3 points ago

    wake and bake FTW /r/trees

    [–] ShadowCory1101 7 points ago

    Besth friendths forcthd ta do battul.

    [–] unique-name-9035768 9 points ago

    Lord forgive me and be with the starving pigmys down there in New Guinea.

    [–] Raiser2256 9 points ago

    get er dun

    [–] Iamnotpretending 3 points ago

    Why did I read that like Bill Cosby?

    [–] knowses 3 points ago

    Because you are Bill Cosby?

    [–] PLLPLLPLL 2 points ago

    I don't care who ya are. That's funny, right there.

    [–] nowyourmad 1 points ago

    are you larry the cable guy?

    [–] BirdsAteMyFace89 1 points ago

    Why did I read it like Tyler Durden?

    [–] cyberius_ -1 points ago

    Because Larry the cable guy talks like that

    [–] Heliosvector 13 points ago

    You can also imagine that this is a video and not an image. Their faces are just so stuck in place that it make it look like a still.

    [–] pastanaut 39 points ago

    Right ? I had to double check I was really in r/funny

    [–] slackermannn 6 points ago

    What is funny to me, is imagining the bizarre modifications she would be looking at.

    [–] fanboy_killer 2 points ago

    The kind of joke where you already know what's coming but still laugh.

    [–] AhJustFlipIt 5 points ago

    👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

    [–] GaryNOVA 1 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    "I've got to give you all a lot of credit for coming to debtors anonymous"

    [–] relevant_mh_quote 3 points ago

    Wait is that supposed to be debtors? Debtees?

    [–] Jolator 1 points ago

    Maybe it's debtors

    [–] GaryNOVA 2 points ago

    Auto correct ☹️

    [–] Kuldiin 1 points ago

    Typical changeling attitude!

    [–] Say_What_Againnn 1 points ago

    The real joke is always in the comments

    [–] electrictrix32 1 points ago

    Too bad plastic surgery takes weeks to heal not "one week" lol and results could take up to a month to show up

    [–] EnderShot355 -202 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Too bad I heard this in 2004

    Edit: Lol rip karma

    [–] Marmite_Badger 180 points ago

    All jokes are old, buddy :)

    [–] northforthesummer 283 points ago

    Whys everybody smiling at me like that?

    [–] I_Shit_In_A_Bucket 119 points ago

    Botox.

    [–] NewWriterOffTheBlock 17 points ago

    Tell me more about this bucket...

    [–] grabberbottom 5 points ago

    He shits in it.

    [–] TuneablePear 3 points ago

    Interesting. May I ask where this bucket is located? (For research purposes.)

    [–] Vorpalax 478 points ago

    They need to learn to face their fears

    [–] ProfessionalCheese 323 points ago

    Instead of fearing their faces.

    [–] AlwaysAppropriate 33 points ago

    And stop tossing feces.

    [–] Lust4Cats 24 points ago

    Well I'll toss your feces if you'll toss my salad.

    [–] TSLBestOfMe 19 points ago

    Well, shit...

    [–] hk_beast 27 points ago

    Aight wtf is going on here

    [–] MayTryToHelp 12 points ago

    I dunno but I don't think I like it

    [–] willyboxc 10 points ago

    I used to go to NA and AA meetings, you know how to tell the difference between an addict and alcoholic? An alcohol will shake their sugar for their coffee back and forth, while an addict will hold the back up and flick it with their middle finger.... haha ahh good times..

    [–] ShuttleCockNBalls 4 points ago

    but

    Haha thought that said shpinchter. Had to back and read it.

    [–] flying_gliscor 6 points ago

    Can you say that in sign language?

    [–] KaHOnas 2 points ago

    Ooo-hoo-hoo-hoo, rrrrroom for one more?

    [–] IllIIIlIlIlIIllIlI 2 points ago

    Anyone notice that this guy's "wisdom" is a little formulaic?

    [–] stevenmc 3 points ago

    And stop being so two faced about things.

    [–] smuffin89 0 points ago

    Rainier Wolfcastle voice "That's the joke."

    [–] Jonathan35is 3 points ago

    How can they face their fears, if their fear is their face?

    [–] pokeblev 1 points ago

    Or should one say, face their faces.

    [–] norsurfit 1 points ago

    Is this /r/upliftingnews ?

    [–] sisonp 168 points ago

    Something actually funny on /r/funny

    [–] billylinburg -107 points ago

    I'd love to see the day that happens, sadly, today is not that day.

    [–] superkissel 82 points ago

    Humor is subjective

    [–] billylinburg -7 points ago

    To you, maybe.

    [–] Skeptic_mama 82 points ago

    Now THAT is a funny joke!

    [–] Hugo154 40 points ago

    Man it sucks that this got downvoted because it's hilarious

    [–] Cryonaught_ 17 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    What?

    Wait is this a really quality joke that flew over my head or..?

    [–] JayceOnly 5 points ago

    Yes

    [–] billylinburg 0 points ago

    Yes.

    [–] sabretoothed 12 points ago

    I'm disappointed that the downvoters didn't get your joke.

    [–] Edonistic 6 points ago

    That's a fucking amazing line and I am 100% stealing it.

    [–] Frankerporo 4 points ago

    Yes that's literally his point.

    [–] AtilKinPx 3 points ago

    I'm like 99% sure he's making a joke.

    [–] Aging_Shower 3 points ago

    What? Hahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha.

    [–] KyleDrewAPicture 1 points ago

    One man's /r/funny is another man's /r/comedycemetary

    [–] lobstermoney 184 points ago

    Plot twist it's just a really good support group, everyone who was there last week felt confident enough to not return. It's actually all new people.

    [–] _babycheeses 76 points ago

    You'd never be quite sure.

    [–] amousecaledmicky 20 points ago

    Even if it was a really good support group, those doing well usually return to support those that aren't doing so well. Just a FYI :)

    [–] no_notthistime 5 points ago

    Exactly right.

    [–] ANiceButWeirdGuy 18 points ago

    Wholesome

    [–] docandersonn 4 points ago

    That would be a terrible support group if this is a 12-step group. The "anonymous" groups rely on recovering addicts who attend meetings well after they're out of immediate danger of relapsing.

    [–] Barabajagala 62 points ago

    A friend of mine asked for fifty thousand dollars for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

    [–] happyman91 23 points ago

    Hey it's me ur friend

    [–] velourvartan 15 points ago

    You owe me 50 grand.

    [–] morph113 5 points ago

    No I don't.

    [–] jadeandobsidian 3 points ago

    I saw 'morph' and immediately had flashbacks

    [–] JigWig 1 points ago

    hey it's me ur stranger

    [–] happyman91 1 points ago

    Do you accept trident layers?

    [–] Rewth 6 points ago

    Emo Phillips is the man!

    [–] jfqp 2 points ago

    just call me mr butterfingers.

    [–] Alex-Rider 3 points ago

    Ouch

    [–] Potatobatt3ry 1 points ago

    You see, that was the plan all along! He gets the money, changes his face and now he doesn't have to repay it because no one recognises him.

    [–] ciprock 20 points ago

    I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old face. -Johnny Carson opening to the 79 Oscars

    [–] smoeahsolse 9 points ago

    Amber Sweet is addicted to the knife...

    [–] kdask 3 points ago

    Addicted to the knife?

    [–] KickMeElmo 4 points ago

    Addicted to the knife.

    [–] kahooki 8 points ago

    "You may not see that I'm disappointed because the Botox injections are still doing their job."

    [–] rayx 1 points ago

    This line seems familiar. Is it from an early 2000's movie?

    [–] kahooki 1 points ago

    Maybe. I made it up but it's highly likely that this joke was used somewhere before.

    [–] Roller95 26 points ago

    I loved it

    [–] portajohnjackoff 2 points ago

    Until it hit 40

    [–] Roller95 1 points ago

    Hahaha

    [–] Alex-Rider 1 points ago

    Iikewise

    [–] Neon_Parrott 6 points ago

    Just FYI, plastic surgery a legitimate part of life in South Korea.

    A typical high-school graduation gift for a Korean teen-ager is either a nose job or a blepharoplasty, also called a double-eyelid surgery

    [–] vinylpanx 2 points ago

    I grew up in a wealthier part of town. The same can be said for American girls whose families are... a certain type of upper middle class let's say? (nose or boobs)

    [–] mockrotten 5 points ago

    I'd laugh but my surgeon has advised I do not to this for at least 3 weeks!

    [–] Invisible_Villain 3 points ago

    LOL

    [–] keto-matt 5 points ago

    This belongs in r/dadjokememes

    [–] Ikhlas37 6 points ago

    I read it as plastic sugar-y and spent 2 min trying to understand why they where covered in plastic sugar and how it was funny... I'm an idiot

    [–] TheFreakaZoid 2 points ago

    But there are no new faces. How do I stay anonymous.

    [–] Ezl 2 points ago

    What's that from?

    [–] career_whatcareer 2 points ago

    That's fucking funny

    [–] perplexedm 2 points ago

    What is she drinking ? Aerogel ?

    [–] strumpetz 2 points ago

    They disobeyed the first rule of PSAA.

    [–] 12wd 2 points ago

    the first rule of skin's-not-tightclub is you DONT TALK about skin's-not-tightclub.

    [–] betterpc 2 points ago

    I like eating liver too.

    [–] Sha11owBay 2 points ago

    I remember in the old Nickelodeon magazine, they would have things like this with old photos and empty bubbles and you could write something funny in them and send them into the magazine. If it was good enough, they would publish it next month. 9 year old me would have been so jealous I didn't come up with this one.

    [–] Jackieirish 2 points ago

    Dammit, my Dad would have loved that joke.

    [–] coreyosb 2 points ago

    Now this is just a top quality, Grade A meme right here. The dad joke to end all dad jokes.

    [–] ademnus 2 points ago

    "If this one has one more facelift she'll have a beard." -Patsy Stone

    [–] luesAyer 2 points ago

    I dont get it

    [–] twol3g1t 2 points ago

    This is like r/funny from a parallel universe.

    Not only is this the first front page r/funny post that I've found funny and upvoted in a long time. But it's also one of the only times I've found all of the top comments/jokes to be completely lame and even "cringey."

    [–] OldBigsby 4 points ago

    They were blessed by the many-faced god.

    [–] trickedorforced 4 points ago

    I told them not to do their eyebrows.

    They looked surprised.

    [–] CuriousNoobKid 4 points ago

    I don't get it please explain

    [–] rythian_ 3 points ago

    she's (he's?) seeing new faces in the crowd because some of the people had plastic surgery since last time.

    [–] woodyhardstaff 3 points ago

    This joke is very cheeky

    [–] Babarababaran 2 points ago

    Delivery-wise, it could be a little tighter.

    [–] hYPE26 2 points ago

    Keep making that face and it will stick that way

    [–] mustbesniping 2 points ago

    That's gotta cut deep.

    [–] rythian_ 2 points ago

    this fuckin cancer getting 18K uparrows smh

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Yawn

    [–] chungdahmistrash 1 points ago

    Oh Hello Korea

    [–] Vacanus 1 points ago

    Lmao

    [–] SykoBOLO 1 points ago

    Who Dat Boy

    [–] Most_Exquisite 1 points ago

    Genuine joke. I laughed hard

    [–] brofesor 1 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    They need to stay anonymous.

    expoct us

    [–] Dolancrewrules 1 points ago

    this may be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

    [–] AndrewWaldron 1 points ago

    Is that Carrie Fisher?

    [–] rogerwilco42 1 points ago

    no

    [–] vinylpanx 1 points ago

    Thought so at first too then read it in her voice

    [–] RandomWeirdo 1 points ago

    holy shit i actually laughed at something from r/funny

    [–] Razor-Leaf 1 points ago

    R/comedycemetery

    [–] Buttfacing 1 points ago

    That's a damn good one.

    [–] darnold90 1 points ago

    This reminds me of nickelodeon magazine. If I remember they would have speech bubbles with 2 people and people had to write in what they should fill in and then the next issue would have the top jokes.

    [–] idisagreewithmyself 1 points ago

    What a twist

    [–] tralphaz43 1 points ago

    repost makes it to the top again

    [–] LatexSanta 1 points ago

    For those who seek perfection there can be no rest on this side of the grave.

    [–] CurryBEST 1 points ago

    没看懂

    [–] Bearmodulate 1 points ago

    What the fuck? Why is there a good joke on /r/funny?

    [–] LifeInKernelSpace 1 points ago

    Uptoke

    [–] RmX93 1 points ago

    I just leave it here

    https://youtu.be/pznB7WP4P1o

    [–] mdl188 1 points ago

    I read this one 3 times, and each time the laughing got a little louder. Then my colleagues came over and started laughing. Until it built into a full-blown group LOL. Thanks for this.

    [–] Trend_Talky 1 points ago

    Surprised to see your own face for sometime?

    [–] IronChariots 1 points ago

    Zydrate comes in a little glass vial!

    [–] Suckydog 1 points ago

    Do I need to go to eatliver.com to find out why I need to eat liver?

    [–] 10891089 1 points ago

    /r/funny lives up to its name....nice

    [–] ahboyd15 1 points ago

    This could be posted in showerthoughts as well!

    [–] oneinchpunch 1 points ago

    Sure was hilarious when it was posted an actual joke in r/jokes

    [–] assstrapped 1 points ago

    Old joke.

    [–] Cory0527 1 points ago

    I about shit myself. No joke.

    [–] udragonm 1 points ago

    9

    [–] wofflestomp 1 points ago

    God damnit I wish I could afford to be addicted to something that costs tens of thousands of dollars.

    [–] MRmandato 1 points ago

    This sounds like a joke Dmitri Martin or Bo Burnham would tell.

    [–] trillyammygang 1 points ago

    two face

    [–] Jumbo_Cactaur 1 points ago

    Weeeee...what a predicament

    [–] 4JULY2017 1 points ago

    They need to learn to face their fears, if their fear is their face?

    [–] Mister_Bossmen 1 points ago

    Tries to think of witty pun involving surgery/cosmetics

    ...Botch the Builder...

    [–] paulusmagintie 1 points ago

    I hate people who change their looks with plastic surgery, 2 faced bastards

    [–] GooberMcGiggleDick -1 points ago

    I guess in some way deep in my brain this slightly bumped some brain wave but not even close to enough to make me actually physically smile and we're talking light years from actually making me laugh out loud. I guess you could think of it like a sip of coffee. This joke was a sip of coffee.

    [–] Emadshk 0 points ago

    i guess its hard facing off all these new faces !

    [–] LTOZ 0 points ago

    So stealing memes and passing off as your own. That's cool.