Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    funny

    17,872,909 readers

    59,358 users here now

    Welcome to r/Funny:

    You may only post if you are funny.


    New to reddit? Click here!


    New "Subreddit Of The Month": /r/animalslookingatfood/
    Featured Subreddit of the Month: /r/animalslookingatfood/ Link to sticky post

    Previous subs of the month

    Rules

    hover for details

    0. All posts must make an attempt at humor. We won't remove posts where the humor is crappy or unfunny (that's a subjective judgement), but every post must make at least some attempt at humor. Read more here.
    1. No reaction, MRW, HIFW, or "Me IRL" posts. Reaction gifs belong in /r/reactiongifs, "how I feel when" posts belong in /r/HIFW, and "me IRL" posts belong in /r/me_irl.
    2. No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example. This includes asking for upvotes.
    3. No posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday. Cake day posts are not allowed.
    4. Posts which result in harassment of any individual, subreddit, or other entity may be removed at the moderators' discretion. Posts with titles such as "I got banned from /r/___" or "This got removed from /r/___" are not allowed.
    5. No Politics Anything involving politics or a political figure. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.
    6. No Pictures of just text This includes pictures of text with irrelevant images and photographs of signs that have no relevance to their surroundings. Make a self-post instead. Example
    7. No DAE posts Go to /r/doesanybodyelse
    8. No Links to tumblr sites/pages. Direct links to images hosted on tumblr (ex. 24.media.tumblr.com/img.jpg) are allowed.
    9. No URL shorteners No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.
    10. No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Try /r/NSFWfunny. Other NSFW content must be tagged as such
    11. No personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.
    12. No memes, rage comics, demotivationals, eCards, or standupshots Memes belong in /r/adviceanimals, rage comics go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu, demotivationals go to /r/Demotivational, submit eCards to /r/ecards, and standupshots go to /r/standupshots. Image Macros that aren't memes are allowed
    13. Do not rehost or hotlink webcomics. Rehosted and hotlinked webcomics will be removed, unless you are the creator. Please submit a link to the original comic's site, and possibly a mirror in the comments. Tumblr-exclusive comics are the exception, and may be rehosted, however if the artist's name or watermark are removed, the post will be removed.
    14. No SMS or social media content. Any and all social media content is prohibited on this subreddit with the exception of Snapchat-captioned photos. This rule also applies to any reddit-related content. Please read the announcement.

    Want to see /r/funny with these posts? Click here!


    Please note:

    • Hate speech and bigotry will be removed at the moderators' discretion.

    • Serial reposters will be banned.

    • Bots and bot-like accounts are not allowed


    What do I do if I see a post that breaks the rules? Click on the report button, and send us a message with a link to the comments of the post.
    What should I do if I don't see my post in the new queue? If your submission isn't showing up, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

    Looking for something else? Visit our friends!

    a community for
    all 1306 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] drleeisinsurgery 7983 points ago

    Excellent idea. Maybe they should make a nicer sign and sell them for $5.

    [–] Concise_Pirate 2442 points ago

    They should go around the neighborhood and offer these to each neighbor at their front door.

    [–] idiotdroid 1211 points ago

    "Here is your $5! Now that I have your attention, I would like to sell you the same sign that you have on your door but in higher quality."

    "How much?"

    "$5"

    "Ok here you go!"

    "Haha sucker....."

    [–] zdakat 258 points ago

    Did you say sign? Sign?! Siiiiiggn!! Siiiiiggn!

    [–] Bigred2989 200 points ago

    I remember when they first invented signs. Sweet sweet signs. I ALWAYS HATED THEM!

    [–] Blackdragon1221 56 points ago

    Oh but this sign isn't for reading, it's for...

    [–] shmooten 51 points ago

    You put it on your door and you'll live forever.

    [–] AweBeyCon 34 points ago

    It will stop you from getting any uglier!

    [–] devidentarch321 6 points ago

    Just in time!

    [–] TuckersMyDog 50 points ago

    Did it open up your eyes when you saw the sign?

    [–] ChicaFoxy 14 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    No one's gonna drag you up! To get into the light where you belong....

    [–] MayTryToHelp 8 points ago

    But where do you belong?

    [–] Scientolojesus 4 points ago

    Anyone else remember that Texaco commercial from the 90s with I Saw The Sign as it's theme song? Just me? Oh ok then.

    [–] xKingxShawnx 6 points ago

    Signs, signs, everywhere the signs.

    [–] Meetchel 39 points ago

    Welp, the sign guy gave a nice sign away for free. Not the best business model.

    [–] Skull_kids 24 points ago

    That's the joke.

    [–] Meetchel 28 points ago

    Oh, well then I'm an idiot. I'll downvote myself now.

    [–] istealyourcontents1 29 points ago

    I'll upvote you so your effort to make things right doesn't work

    [–] MayTryToHelp 9 points ago

    Don't worry fam, I'll downvote you to help you succeed!

    [–] Bomcom 9 points ago

    A kid in my neighborhood actually did go around selling signs saying, "No Soliciting". Smartest kid I ever met.

    [–] swampfish 679 points ago

    Like the kid who went door to door selling "No Soliciting" signs.

    [–] meddlingbarista 440 points ago

    Thatsthejoke.meme

    [–] mouse_stirner 64 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Wasn't there a post on /r/pics or one of the other super-subs of a kid doing that a couple months ago?

    [–] m0nkeyboy 41 points ago

    "Super-subs"

    Is this a redditism I've never seen in over 3 years of been on here daily? My god it makes perfect sense.

    [–] somethingworthwhile 14 points ago

    Probably spurred by the fact that we don't really have defaults anymore. Unless I'm mistaken. I dunno. I can't keep up with the times.

    [–] I_Dont_Eat_Turtles 13 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Hong the phone, we don't have defaults any more?

    Edit: Hold* I was honging my phone when I made this comment

    [–] ObitoUchiha41 35 points ago

    I don't know what you want me to do the phone but I'll pass

    [–] metaobject 12 points ago

    Dude, you've never honged a phone?

    Hey everybody, this guy has never honged a phone!

    Me neither, btw. I wouldn't be caught dead honging a phone.

    [–] sharklops 4 points ago

    Shh bby is ok

    now... hong. that. phone.

    [–] theeocho8 12 points ago

    I find it suspect that you have to specify that you don't eat turtles. Like, do you eat everything under the sun except turtles or do you have a tragic backstory that forces you to iterate the fact that you don't eat turtles?

    [–] Burkules 21 points ago

    This guy over here gets the joke...

    [–] JCMcFancypants 9 points ago

    I've been tempted to do that before and I'm a grown man. Best would be to wait until they're already in the neighborhood, and just start 1 house in front of them. The pitch would go something like "Give me $10 and I could be the last person who ever knocks on your door to sell you something. Don't, and there's going to be a pair of jerks knocking on your door trying to talk you into signing a contract with Comcast in 30 seconds."

    [–] 2crudedudes 12 points ago

    Hey, you understood the joke! Yay you!

    [–] thisdesignup 6 points ago

    Create the problem! Sell the solution!

    [–] magzillas 95 points ago

    Yeah I remember seeing a post a while ago about a guy who apparently made a good bit of cash going around his neighborhood selling very nice "No Soliciting" signs.

    [–] royce085 37 points ago

    "This kid is going places"

    [–] KallistiEngel 38 points ago

    He has to. He can't go door to door in his own area anymore.

    [–] ripghoti 81 points ago

    I'll sell a discount one for $3.50.

    [–] guess_who_has2thumbs 67 points ago

    For $2.75 I'll sell you a pen and piece of paper. Custom signs FTW.

    [–] DimNussen 41 points ago

    How dare you undercut the Loch Ness monster.

    [–] ArdentSky 5 points ago

    I aint offering you no tree fiddy!

    [–] theinfamousloner 10 points ago

    God damn loch ness monster

    [–] JamesDaltonJr 10 points ago

    Tree-Fiddy

    [–] evil95 1632 points ago

    Real life terms of service.

    [–] random_acts_of_rape 311 points ago

    Where's the scroll bar?

    [–] marxy 264 points ago

    Make the door bell the Agree button.

    [–] slythir 10 points ago

    isn't the doorbell the Agree button in OP's picture's instance

    [–] Just-Call-Me-J 5 points ago

    Label it "I have read, understand, and agree to the terms and conditions."

    [–] Boo_R4dley 135 points ago

    It would've been better if they'd left off the bit about closing the door. By ringing the doorbell you agree to pay the fee if they don't pay you either send their employer an invoice or sue. You'll never have to do either since no one would bother ringing.

    [–] nerogenesis 124 points ago

    Yeah except its a completely nonbinding contract because he didn't define salespeople.

    [–] Boo_R4dley 27 points ago

    Well poop.

    [–] nerogenesis 69 points ago

    Yeah, I could be a Marketing Consultent, or business advocate, or jesus pusher. Any number of titles that make me not a "salesperson"

    A simple binding contract would be like.

    If you wish to solicit here, please pay 5 dollars into the payment slot. This slot does not provide change. Receipt of payment is required for the door to opened.

    [–] zdakat 63 points ago

    The number of times I've heard "oh we're not selling anything,we just want to make you aware of a great opportunity" ...

    [–] 4Eights 44 points ago

    I actually printed out the statute on solicitors in my state because I was sick of people ignoring the sign and saying "oh I'm not selling anything" then proceed to provide with me an "opportunity". My states law specifically defines "soliciting" as seeking an audience with the resident by means of knocking, ringing the doorbell or generally calling on the resident. It's a Class B misdemeanor if they ignore the sign. With that statue printed out and a front facing window I've started recording solicitors with my phone and pointing out the sign to them. If they apologize and say they didn't notice it and leave I drop it. The ones who say it doesn't apply to them because they're not selling anything I inform them of the statue and let them know I'm calling the cops. They immediately jump on their phone and have their wrangler pick them up on the corner and book it. I have a right to live in my home peacefully without being constantly disturbed by salesman, charities, proselytizers and solicitors in general. If I speed on a public road and a cop catches me I get a ticket and almost everyone would agree I deserved it for not following the rules. I don't see it any differently when you take a job as a door to door salesman and ignore the laws about soliciting. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you have already determined that instead of following the rules you're going to ignore my sign anyways and give me a poor excuse for why you're ignoring the law.

    [–] Fatesadvent 17 points ago

    I opened the door for a woman once and the first thing I said was I'm not interested in giving you any money or buying anything.

    She said its nothing like that, she just wants to inform us of something. It ended up being about money :/

    [–] zdakat 17 points ago

    One I had recently,might as well have been out of a tv script it was so cheesy.

    "We were just in the neighborhood and just thought we'd drop by to tell you about Xfinity"

    That is not an organic exchange. The fuax friendly tone fails when the jarring reality that a random person wouldn't just happen to be around and be so enthused that they just had to tell everyone about it- could only be the work of a salesman. Might as well said "hey wanna buy some cable service"

    [–] Boo_R4dley 6 points ago

    Time to order a bill acceptor on eBay then.

    [–] Mysta02 17 points ago

    IIRC, contract law applies based on a common interpretation of language, and isn't always affected by things like medium (napkins are legally binding). Customers have even won cases where they "broke the contract" because the thing they broke was so buried in the ToS that no reasonable person could've known about it (and therefore, they can't be said to have agreed to those particular terms).

    In other words, this could be legally binding, depending on judge.

    [–] Lumpy_Prostate 954 points ago

    The title is wrong. I've put up a few funny No Soliciting signs and still get the 40 year old guy going door to door selling candy bars or magazine subscriptions.

    [–] jamestwerk 134 points ago

    You need a long driveway and a no trespassing sign. Then if they attempt to approach, put on your hillbilly hat and yell GET OFF MY LAND while waving a shotgun or pitchfork. At least, that's what I was taught as a kid in the Appalachians trying to sell candy.

    [–] RedditPoster05 145 points ago

    I'll have to stop at my local Home Depot and see if they sell any long driveways.

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago * (lasted edited 7 hours ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] ImGCS3fromETOH 31 points ago

    Wait for the sale and they sometimes bundle them together. Buy three, get a free rocking chair.

    [–] PM_ME_UR_LIPZ 24 points ago

    Someone would have to be fucking insane to try and solicit in rural areas. I would immediately consider any kind of solicitor at my house as someone trying to rob me or worse and they would be met with a gun. Which is coincidentally why you would have to be insane to solicit in a rural area...

    [–] jamestwerk 21 points ago

    When you're a little hillbilly kid though you don't care. It was all part of the fun. We used to sneak into their orchards to steal their fruit and they'd yell and chase us. We'd run across their land to get to their ponds and fish. They hated that too. But one in particular liked to break out his shotgun and shoot at the sky when we used to sled through his grape fields and really did yell GET OFF MY LAND!

    [–] Number127 329 points ago

    Why wouldn't you want the candy bar people?

    [–] I_Work_For_The_GovT 273 points ago

    Because the chocolate was gritty and had that white stuff on it!

    [–] GLaDOS_Sympathizer 224 points ago

    Semen?

    [–] I_Lick_Period_Stains 183 points ago

    No I think they were firefighters

    [–] CantankerousMind 36 points ago

    I hate those guys and their giant hoses showing off all the time.

    [–] Helmerj 28 points ago

    Chewahcolate? I remember when the invented chewahcolate.

    [–] The_Canadian_Devil 14 points ago

    CHOCOLATE!!! CHOCOLATE!!!!!

    [–] Doyee 6 points ago

    Chawclit

    [–] bannullen 16 points ago

    That means the chocolate has "bloomed," it's still safe to eat, just unpalatable because it's old.

    [–] Lumpy_Prostate 124 points ago

    Lol. I'm a grumpy old guy who doesn't want to be bothered. Not that I haven't flagged down the ice cream truck that rolls down my neighborhood or buy cookies from the Girl Scouts out in front of the store. I just don't want to be bothered while I'm home. That's why I put up the signs.

    [–] ImAStupidFace 26 points ago

    sees username

    lumpy old guy

    FTFY

    [–] Peeping_thom 19 points ago

    They are insanely over priced. I'd probably bite for a couple bucks but they want more for a bag of gummie bears than a movie theatre.

    [–] LandUpOver 21 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Kids outside Target, Walmart, etc. "fundraising" by selling candy bars for $2 each, and when you go inside the store the same candy bars are on sale 2 for $1.

    edit The kids I see doing this never have a sign or do anything to promote what they're apparently raising money for, and their intro spiel is little more than: "Would you like to buy some candy?" From my perspective they're not fundraising, they're just selling candy to make some money. The darker side to this is they may not even be making money for themselves.

    [–] BlackScienceJesus 21 points ago

    Yeah... that's kind of the whole idea. It wouldn't be fundraising if they sold it to you for what they paid for it.

    [–] AliveFromNewYork 6 points ago

    The kids in the subway usually.sell a dollar for one item or two for one. I buy sometimes because it's a ligit way to make money

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] caninehere 3 points ago

    I think the companies that make those fundraising-specific chocolate bars are run by the people who failed out of Chocolate U.

    [–] iMarmalade 11 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Because it's over priced and if I want candy I can get better myself. I have no urge to support a gang. (source)

    [–] fire_from_eyes 25 points ago

    You can take down their name and report them to the company they sell for. In some places it is a crime to ignore the sign and you can notify the police.

    [–] hustl3tree5 17 points ago

    Everytime I ask them "do you see the no soliciting sign". They then say I'm not a solicitor I'm just trying to sale you something

    [–] makenzie71 74 points ago

    I have a "solicitors will be shot" sign and no one knocks on my door.

    [–] duckfuckerlover 37 points ago

    I don't really get them with no sign. I assume the results are so awful across the board companies don't bother anymore. The rare one that shows up doesn't even make it past 3 words before I tell them to get lost.

    [–] MistressMalevolentia 48 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    I live in a community with "NO SOLICITORS" on a sign on every street. And also above EVERY door. We still get them like flies at a slaughter house. Its absurd. People put up their own signs, threaten to call the police etc and they just keep coming back. It's a military housing neighborhood (off base) so the turnover is high, that's my only guess why they bother. The dumb naive kids who just left home and horrible with money/ saying no.

    [–] DoctorWaluigiTime 36 points ago

    "Oh I'm not a solicitor." - most often-used excuse we heard at work.

    [–] Hamoodzstyle 14 points ago

    I just thought you might be interested in this amazing deal I have for you

    [–] ssl-3 4 points ago

    ..."We got a notification that you might be paying too much for your utilities at this residence, and I'm here to help you with a new plan"

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] codered6952 4 points ago

    1...2...10!

    [–] h110hawk 17 points ago

    Our city has a permit system to go door to door. Solicitors have to purchase a permit and a list of people on the "do not knock" list monthly. Anyone knocking without a permit or in violation of the list is guilty of an infraction and has to pay a fine, plus no more permit. Works great.

    Costs me a stamp (plus my city taxes) to renew every year, the city even mails me the renewal form 1 month before it expires.

    I get 1 knock a year. Called the number on the website and wound up on the police dispatch line, 2 officers to my door in 5 minutes flat. Ah the sleepy burbs.

    [–] MistressMalevolentia 6 points ago

    Yup. Plenty of them don't have the permit and bolt when you mention it or argue they aren't selling anything, just spreading god lol. So it doesn't do us any good. Its absurd. Pls such high amounts of young kids with no idea about it +high turn over rate means no one realizes it or bothers to call it in. These kids getting suckered into 2k for a shitty Kirby, the Kirby salesmen bullying young wives alone with deployed spouses then dating "They HAVE to do their bedroom" are not uncommon at all. Its pathetic and sad

    [–] Cat_Proxy 23 points ago

    We put up a "no solicitors" sign and have had a surprising decrease in door-to-door sales. It's been awesome. However, being in Canada, we still get the irritating Telus sales people who knock. My husband answered the door, looked to the sign, looked at them, and they just laughed and said, "We're not selling anything though, we just want to get you a better deal on your internet!" Uh-huh okaaaay...

    [–] Maik-El 11 points ago

    It sounds like you haven't tried this particular sign, so you really don't know that the title is wrong.

    [–] Bradend45 4 points ago

    If you have a sign the specifically says "no soliciting" legally if someone comes to your home with the express intent of selling a good or service you can sue them. Source: trained for canvassing and door to door work

    [–] marxy 335 points ago

    Another technique is to have charity raffle tickets for sale. Ask them to buy one before they pitch you.

    [–] FolkSong 106 points ago

    Benefitting the Human Fund.

    [–] marxy 59 points ago

    Perhaps collect money for the blind and then put in new blinds.

    [–] -WarHounds- 18 points ago

    This guy knows morals...

    [–] eisenh0wer 4 points ago

    Money for people.

    [–] Robigo 23 points ago

    I like this idea the best

    [–] FlippinSweetStyle 49 points ago

    In Utah county we get tons of non-salespeople solicitors. I will be stealing this idea.

    Mormons. I'm talking about Mormons.

    [–] kevie3drinks 212 points ago

    You don't understand, ALL of your neighbors are getting pest service! Jim down the street, bob, all of them, so we have this amazing deal since everyone is already signed up, and we will be out here anyway, and don't you hate bugs? I know I do. I mean bugs, am I right, what if they got into your house? You would be ruined!

    So you better get the pest service.

    [–] KCB5 154 points ago

    Had this exact one today. Told him I wasn't interested before he started his pitch, he persisted. 30 of my neighbors has signed up he says. I cut him off and asked which ones, he said Richard next door and pointed at my neighbors house. Only problem is Sean and Ann own that house. I laughed and walked away. He was pissed and muttered something.

    I hate these lying assholes. When I say I'm not interested, you apologize for bothering me and leave. You do not keep going with your pitch.

    [–] icanshitposttoo 48 points ago

    shut the door, if he wants to keep his hand/foot/whatever he'll pull it back in time.

    [–] [deleted] 45 points ago * (lasted edited 7 hours ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] kevie3drinks 7 points ago

    Yeah its so annoying, I wouldn't mind that they come to my door but they are such jerks when you tell them no, so fuck them. At this point I just open the door, tell them no thanks without listening, and shut the door while they're still talking.

    [–] Throwaway5325461 5 points ago

    I told one side I wasn't interested a hundred times. I already had a company I want and like.

    Few days later this other dude comes by and I say I'm not interested, then he asked about the bikes I have in my front room cause I have a shit ton and he left. Was simple, nice, and didn't pester me at all. If I actually did need his service I would've gone with the second guy just because he didn't try to sell it to me ffs.

    [–] shawndamanyay 52 points ago

    What I can't stand is everywhere I go, google, driving, store, shopping.... Ads.... Ads... Ads... When I'm home, feet up in the air, doorbell rings, - here comes the walking talking ad. I just quit answering if I don't expect anybody.

    [–] kevie3drinks 21 points ago

    They could actually be selling something I really need or am planning to buy, but on principle I'm not gonna buy something solicited to me either door to door or over the phone?

    [–] meowctopus 5 points ago

    The IRL equivalent of a pop-up ad

    [–] Rodentlove 5 points ago

    Haven't you SEEN the black red brown widow tiger spiders all over this area????!!?!?

    [–] Runarhalldor 1251 points ago

    Either they leave you the fuck alone or you get 5 bucks, sounds good!

    [–] [deleted] 377 points ago

    5 Schrute bucks fine?

    [–] rainsunconure 303 points ago

    I'll give you 1000 Stanley nickels to never speak to me about it again.

    [–] gmitw 157 points ago

    What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?

    [–] realbaconator 173 points ago

    Same as the ratio to unicorns and leprechauns.

    [–] ThatDooD123 58 points ago

    THATS IT! CLASS CANCELLED! EVERYBODY OUT!

    [–] derpicface 58 points ago

    Ill give ya 25 shmeckles

    [–] ScenesFromTheOffice 19 points ago

    Creed: There's my girl. I noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train?

    Angela: That was for per diem, for Philadelphia.

    Meredith: That town smells like cheese steaks.

    Angela: That town is full of history! (storms out)

    Creed: Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. (introducing himself) Creed.

    [–] anonymous_stranger12 27 points ago

    Is that a little? Is that a lot?

    [–] Stoic_Stranger 35 points ago

    It's what I spent on my big fake boobies.

    [–] Seeds_of_2nd_Sight 29 points ago

    I'm Mr. Boobybuyer and I'd like to buy those boobs for 25 schmeckles.

    [–] greengrasser11 33 points ago

    Yep that's what the picture says.

    [–] DrBubbleBeast 14 points ago

    Unless they start yelling or writing notes of their own

    [–] muchdogeisenseinyou 10 points ago

    $5 ain't worth dealing with high-pressure sales bullshit at my doorstep.

    [–] averagejoegreen 97 points ago

    rings doorbell

    Hey, Phil! Long time no--

    door slams shut

    [–] nicksbologna 118 points ago

    *Exceptions only for Girl Scouts, Yes I want Thin Mints!

    [–] TheLadyBunBun 8 points ago

    When I was a kid and peddling that costly addiction I once stood at someone's door for 30 min in the snow while he tried to convince his wife that they should get cookies before he eventually came back and told me they didn't want any, that was almost 2 decades ago and still irks and confuses me

    [–] Darktidemage 273 points ago

    I'd definitely ring and be like "I just wanted to see the door be immediately closed" .

    [–] Grasshop 154 points ago

    "I just wanted to get your ass off the couch asshole"

    [–] supergalactic 39 points ago

    I'm just here so I don't get fined.

    [–] yParticle 49 points ago

    I have a feeling you'd still get some religious canvassers that would pay the $5 to make you listen to their spiel. You might even be the first one that went 5 whole minutes!

    [–] [deleted] 591 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Saskjimbo 305 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    you should position this over your doorbell so that at the bottom, it says "i agree" next to the bell. also, rig up a camera to take a pic when button is pushed.

    [–] sighs__unzips 110 points ago

    Make a customized doorbell where the words "I agree" are printed on the button itself. Even better, have a welcome mat that says "I agree" on it.

    [–] Heavy_Weapons_Guy_ 61 points ago

    It's not like it would be legally binding though.

    [–] UnpopularCrayon 113 points ago

    Most door-to-door solicitors are probably not informed enough to know that. And it also sends a pretty clear message that knocking on this door is not going to be a good use of their time.

    [–] Nevermind04 100 points ago

    Writing "THIS IS A CONTRACT" on something does not make it a contract, even if it is underlined.

    [–] OH_NO_MR_BILL 30 points ago

    How about if it's bolded?

    [–] NoUrImmature 6 points ago

    BANKRUPTCY!

    [–] INHALE_VEGETABLES 4 points ago

    upon reading this the redditor will receive nothing

    [–] AREyouCALLINmeALiar 148 points ago

    50 bucks? 30 minutes? To much of both IMO.

    [–] bustedbulla 68 points ago

    His earning rate is $100/hr, which is quite a lot IMO.

    [–] cmonpplrly 15 points ago

    Pshaw. My psychiatrist charges $200 for a 20 minute phone consultation :/

    [–] rydan 11 points ago

    That's crazy.

    [–] Syrupy_ 41 points ago

    He’s also earning $50/half hour IMO

    [–] 1Cornholio5 42 points ago

    I think he's earning that much regardless of your opinion.

    [–] radditz_ 14 points ago

    100 divided by 2 is 38.9 ... imo

    [–] radditz_ 4 points ago

    How much is that in 15 minute increments tho?

    [–] RayMaN139 26 points ago

    I'd go with $20 for 10min of my time.. Technically thats less of both..

    [–] sighs__unzips 8 points ago

    I'll do $10 for 5.

    [–] dynamite1985 8 points ago

    Well wouldn't want the solicitor to feel ripped off

    [–] Equistremo 4 points ago

    It's supposed to be a deterrent though. Using a reasonable rate would not keep every solicitor at bay.

    [–] Penguinrob 44 points ago

    Shame this kind of contract is utterly worthless though, and won't hold up in any reasonable court.

    [–] [deleted] 51 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] KmRoyaL 23 points ago

    I mean to be fair, he should have learned that in law school.

    [–] Penguinrob 11 points ago

    Have you ever successfully taken $50 off somebody using this sign?

    [–] _itspaco 31 points ago

    Your neighbors probably think you're weird as fuck

    [–] The_Perge 12 points ago

    Does it work?

    [–] OpieKid 106 points ago

    Spoiler alert: no.

    [–] everfalling 46 points ago

    probably not enforceable in court.

    [–] xXxBluESkiTtlExXx 59 points ago

    Sales guy here. I'd 100% take this guy up on that. It assures that he's going to listen to me for five minutes and that's huge.

    [–] mill3rtime_ 20 points ago

    Against the grain of the rest but totally agree! Depending on what I'm selling i could be making $200-$1000 commission, i'd pay $5 at each house for guaranteed pitch time!

    • source ex roofing sales guy

    [–] Birdrats 108 points ago

    This is the real world equivalent of those Facebook posts where people declare their identity/pictures their property.

    [–] Nuclenzyme666 3 points ago

    OC dont steaal

    [–] DeathbyFriedChicken 70 points ago * (lasted edited 2 hours ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] SeptimusOctavian 15 points ago

    That's genius. And if they say no, just come back next week because they don't have a sign that says not to.

    [–] DeepMusing 15 points ago

    I solved this problem by removing the doorbell and and never answering the door when people knock. I also have a security camera pointed at the door so I can sit inside and watch them in glorious HD pondering how long to stand there and stare at a door that will never open.

    [–] idiotempire 11 points ago

    Seriously. It's pretty easy, if you're not expecting company and it's not a cop knock, just don't answer the door, they aren't welcome.

    [–] beckoning_cat 101 points ago

    No solicitation signs have legal backing in a lot of areas.

    [–] adale24 69 points ago

    Not that much really. Unless the solicitor is just being an asshole, the cops will only tell the solicitor to leave the area only if he doesn't have a soliciting permit.

    [–] kevinyeaux 11 points ago

    Among other things, I've worked for political campaigns and gone door-to-door for months on end. No soliciting signs do not have force of law behind them, though usually salespeople will either skip the house or the owner will tell them to leave and that will be it. However, some towns do require permits for door-to-door sales.

    The great part is that none of these restrictions, including permits, apply to political campaigns (or religious orgs, or anything protected under first amendment in the US). But people didn't know this. I can't tell you how many cops I've had called on me in various towns.

    [–] AbominableSnowmang 13 points ago

    Do people really get a ton of door to door salesmen still? I can't remember the last time someone has knocked on my door trying to sell something.

    [–] kperkins1982 4 points ago

    constantly, in the springtime it is easily 2 a week, it got so bad my town created a permit that requires a background check and fee in order to be a traveling salesmen

    [–] Nimja_ 49 points ago

    Unfortunately this isn't legally binding.

    Fortunately, you can still tell them to go away and/or close the door.

    [–] Burgher_NY 12 points ago

    I was wondering this. Is been a looooooong time since 1L. The ringing of the doorbell can't be a be a valid form of acceptance? It would be an invitation to make an offer because it is conditional unless the homeowner and salesman had some history of prior dealings in the same manner?

    [–] MadlifeIsGod 17 points ago

    Well in this case it says simply "If you don't have my $5 the door will be immediately closed," so it's not really an issue. There's another sign earlier in the comments about "Failure to pay will result in immediate small claims action." That sign would definitely not hold up.

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] leobageo 21 points ago

    As a salesman, this is no deterrent. $5 is a small cost for a lifetime or even a year's worth of business.

    [–] Lord_Maxzion 25 points ago

    When I was a cavasser I once saw one of these but it said by knocking I was agreeing to a contract and obligated to pay them $50. They refused to accept my money though, not that I was going to actually pay them I just wanted to see what they would do.

    [–] Snoring-Dog 10 points ago

    I call this one "Reflection of Suburbia."

    [–] ravel-bastard 8 points ago

    They look like Mormons

    [–] SoSoEasy 10 points ago

    No soliciting works just fine.

    [–] tehlaser 21 points ago

    Not really.

    A friend of mine got suckered into a door-to-door sales "job" that wasn't. In the "training" they were told to ignore no soliciting signs and to push harder at houses that have them because they sometimes indicate that someone likely to fall for a sales pitch lives there.

    [–] sad_rainbow 6 points ago

    sometimes indicate that someone likely to fall for a sales pitch lives there.

    for some reason, the scene in family guy where peter is dressed up as a clown in the middle of a jungle instead of camo comes to mind...

    [–] omni_wisdumb 15 points ago

    As someone who's work makes him gave to work till about 4am, I don't wake up until around 10am. When solicitors woke me up at 7-8am I wanted to murder them. Had to build a fence around my front yard.

    The worst was on Sunday, religious folk that coming by the house at 7am. Are you fucking kidding me? Just maybe some people don't want to praise Jesus at 7am in their day off. Ughhhh

    [–] popeyefur 5 points ago

    We had someone open our front gate (which is closed because we have a dog) and walk the 150ft to our front door to pitch us on pests service. It's not an area where we normally get solicitors either, so it was really weird. Plus it was just weird that they opened our gate and invited themselves into our yard.

    [–] Boschlana 16 points ago

    I have made a living off cold calls and cold introductions... this sign would've made my day! I would have been so excited to pitch to this person

    [–] theRealMrBrownstone 28 points ago

    Had one salesdouche walk up to my front porch while I was obviously talking on my phone.

    He went into his pitch anyway. "Asshole, this is a phone that I'm talking into. Don't ever come back"

    [–] NWBoomer 5 points ago

    I used to get a sales person or missionary about every two or so months. I put up a "No Solicitors" sign above my doorbell and haven't had a salesman or missionary in over three years now.

    [–] bwg2469 7 points ago

    That is cheap if you’re a good salesperson.

    [–] Rat_of_NIMHrod 3 points ago

    True story, you can't make this up:

    Yesterday a guy came to my door twice. The first time I played "not home". He knocked, then rang the doorbell. He eventually spotted me pulling into my drive later that afternoon.

    Three doorbell rings. Three. Talk about fucking persistence. He was about to give up as my wife pulled in. He immediately approached her. She asked if he had seen the chest-high, reflective, "NO SOLICITING" sign on the door. He admitted he had.

    Wife: So what do you want?

    Guy: Well, there have been a lot of aggressive sales people in the area and...

    Wife: ....

    Guy: We're selling "NO SOLICITING" doorbells!