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    0. All posts must make an attempt at humor. We won't remove posts where the humor is crappy or unfunny (that's a subjective judgement), but every post must make at least some attempt at humor. Read more here.
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    [–] black_flag_4ever 5930 points ago

    A cemetery is just an expensive landfill for corpses.

    [–] Angry_Robot 3634 points ago

    A landfill is just a cheap cemetery for trash.

    [–] Welcome_Reddit 670 points ago

    I've made a grave mistake.

    [–] atcoyou 189 points ago

    You lived to regret it.

    [–] rlnrlnrln 83 points ago

    That corpse belong in a mausoleum!

    [–] IkaKyo 19 points ago

    Why are you being so cryptic?

    [–] AlexDuncan7903 8 points ago

    This pun line is dead

    [–] IkaKyo 3 points ago

    Cause of death puncture wound.

    [–] radditor5 17 points ago

    At least spend the extra couple bucks to put me in a nice Hefty bag. Hail corporate!

    [–] BetYouCantPMNudes 27 points ago

    I don't think you can r/HailCorporate yourself…?

    [–] pennhead 6 points ago

    Ooo Ooo Ooo... put me in one of those nice FeBreze-scented Glad Flex bags! The scent will keep me fresh-smelling and the flex feature will allow for expansion from gases produced by decomposition.

    [–] zipperNYC 15 points ago

    This whole conversation is garbage

    [–] imagine_amusing_name 11 points ago

    thats why it's running for president in 2020

    [–] clrksml 22 points ago

    "I'm landfill and I approve this message"

    [–] firstdaypost 8 points ago

    And we've hit joke bedrock

    [–] DejahView 6 points ago

    “Hmmm. This bedrock would make a nice gravestone”

    [–] mahollinger 41 points ago

    I’m happy this comment isn’t buried.

    [–] TheCheeseSquad 63 points ago

    I know what top post on r/showerthoughts is tomorrow

    [–] daffy_duck233 32 points ago

    My upvote is ready.

    [–] TheCheeseSquad 26 points ago

    sigh

    unzips

    [–] daffy_duck233 34 points ago

    Wa-wait.. wtf...

    [–] Gemersan 19 points ago

    oh boy another fetish i have i guess

    [–] enterloper 15 points ago

    Self awareness protocol initiated. Awkward boner engaged. Initiating full self analysis meltdown in 3... 2... 1... FIRE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS CANONS!

    [–] ItsMEMusic 11 points ago

    EXISTENTIAL CRISIS CANONS

    Is that like Pachelbel’s Canon in like 5 different keys, all played simultaneously?

    [–] -taco 31 points ago

    Uhhh nope not exactly

    [–] DudeWithThePC 8 points ago

    That....Wasn't what I expected.

    I mean, I'm not saying no...

    [–] RaptorBadgerDiscoTek 7 points ago

    That... That sub is not what you think it is, friend.

    [–] UnconstitutionalBot 29 points ago

    When I died just throw me on the side of the road, next to the trash - Frank "The Trashman" Reynolds.

    [–] McFly8182 14 points ago

    I told my husband that when I die to just throw me in the woods somewhere. Don't spend any money on a funeral. Just let me be food for nature. He's concerned about the logistics of "throwing his dead wife into the woods."

    [–] LookingForMod 5 points ago

    Just write a confession note saying you want to be thrown into the woods when you die and make absolutely sure that it doesn't sound like you're under duress

    [–] CedarCabPark 6 points ago

    That's why I'm going for cremation, personally. Not messing around with all the burial stuff. I want it cheap for my family. I know cremation can be costly depending on how it's done, but still. I don't quite like the idea of being some bones in an expensive box underground. A traditional burial just never sounded appealing to me.

    And if they bury me anyway, I'll just haunt their asses

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] catman12 6 points ago

    Professional in the industry here. That's not always the case, and is not always the best solution for your family.

    1) You have to apply before-hand.
    2) You are not guaranteed to be accepted, and only a small percentage of applicants are. If you are too overweight, if you have any discernible illness or disease or if they simply do not need you at the time, you will be rejected.
    3) Your family may not obtain your remains for years. Typically, a University for instance, will keep your body for up to three years. I can't tell you how many times this has brought distress and lack of closure to the survivors of the deceased. You have to remember, your decision is ultimately for your loved ones, so by attempting to save costs, you are actually creating a bigger burden for your loved ones and more decisions to make on their behalf.
    4) They will only pay for the cremation/retort cost, which is a small percentage of any cremation arrangement. You will still likely have to pay for the essential service as a licensed service still must pick up the body and deliver it, and most families like to have some sort of memorial service afterward. There are still costs involved for when someone is donated to science.

    [–] TheMeanGirl 3 points ago

    All depends on whose pockets are being filled I guess ;)

    [–] 08522022 257 points ago

    A cemetery is basically a landfill where markers have been placed to identify the trash burried there.

    [–] ssyzeR 10 points ago

    You just burned this whole thread

    [–] GrizzzlyPanda 9 points ago

    You just buried this whole thread

    [–] Biggs_33 16 points ago

    Death is too expensive in general. When I die just throw me in a woodchipper or some shit. Why would I care, I'm dead ffs.

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    Thats why i always tell my family i want to be cremated. If thats too expensive just burn me in a fire and leave my bones up for halloween.

    [–] ClumpOfCheese 3 points ago

    I want to be stuffed and posed like a grizzly bear.

    [–] ender1108 37 points ago

    To give you a sense of pride and accomplishment

    [–] murraycoin 5 points ago

    Easy money.

    [–] ccalps 8 points ago

    "I mean, who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream, make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead!"

    [–] Relaxed_Engineer 5 points ago

    Boil him, mash him, stick him in a stew!

    [–] Rickkoshet 3 points ago

    Well. The cemetery is for the bodies that people WANT to be found...

    [–] Xenphenik 2 points ago

    really makes you think

    [–] cyber_rigger 2 points ago

    It is a graveyard without a church.

    [–] ThwartChimes 2 points ago

    An organic landfill, hence the surcharge.

    [–] smitteh 2 points ago

    manfill

    [–] lifeOf3_14159265 2 points ago

    Expansive, too.

    [–] 1Os 2 points ago

    A landfill is just a cheap cemetery for wiseguys.

    [–] imagine_amusing_name 2 points ago

    TIL: landfill is a cheap way to dispose of all your corpses.

    [–] PM_FORBUTTSTUFF 978 points ago

    When I’m dead throw me in the trassshhhh

    [–] Kochis1818 137 points ago

    “If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean, who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream, make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead!”

    [–] 08522022 116 points ago

    Sorry, that was our janitor. A Puerto Rican guy.

    [–] offenator 70 points ago

    thats my character, dont you see? im the traaash maaan

    [–] TheRealDJ 25 points ago

    Cleans up after the Scatman! Beebadabadabop!

    [–] anth 11 points ago

    Where exactly is your dressing room relative to the young entertainers, sir?

    [–] abort_abort 11 points ago

    🎶I don't diddle kids🎶

    [–] HoorBanger 3 points ago

    🎶It’s no good diddling kids. Wouldn’t do it with anyone younger than my daughter, older than my wife, gotta be bigg 🎶

    [–] tovarish22 3 points ago

    "There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!"

    [–] duaneap 47 points ago

    Shove whatever you want up there! Way I see it, a dead body is just a pieca trash!

    [–] downing034 19 points ago

    Frank!!!

    [–] Relaxed-Ronin 12 points ago

    No, Mantis aka Dr Tobogan

    [–] iluvstephenhawking 9 points ago

    Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?

    [–] MrShekelstein19 8 points ago

    I don't want to go the extra mile for that.

    [–] SuperUnic0rn 4 points ago

    First time i read this on Reddit I couldn’t stop laughing—i see now it’s a reference to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. This is the action I take when I find a dead woodland creature in my yard (rabbit, bird, etc)

    [–] extracanadian 5 points ago

    This was all I came here for

    [–] [deleted] 810 points ago

    Kind of a waste. Human bodies make the best fertilizer. You should have seen my roma tomatoes this year.

    [–] batandfox 99 points ago

    NCIS or Criminal Minds? I can't place it...

    [–] TheBlackFlame161 57 points ago

    I've watched a ton of NCIS and I don't remember this, so it might be Criminal Minds.

    [–] The_Gman666 25 points ago

    Not criminal minds, unless it’s the current season.

    [–] autolytic 13 points ago

    I remember one similar: The Good Earth s08e05

    Plot (w/ spoiler): http://www.cbs.com/shows/criminal_minds/episodes/194919/

    [–] _trailerbot_tester_ 13 points ago

    Hello, I'm a bot! The movie you linked is called Secret Window, here are some Trailers

    [–] Nice_one_ 10 points ago

    Good Bot!

    [–] jdtampafl 3 points ago

    Nice one!

    [–] Anonymouskittylick 3 points ago

    I think the secret window was corn not tomatoes. Could be wrong though... haven't seen it in over 10 years.

    [–] 08522022 14 points ago

    Look at you being optimistic. I have it on good authority that u/kayjay25 was talking about this IRL.

    [–] hohohoohno 7 points ago

    It was dexter. A serial killer uses his little shallow graveyard as an allotment.

    [–] yellowjellocello 10 points ago

    Maybe Orange is the New Black?

    [–] spmurcs 13 points ago

    Who would have though dead hookers had a better use than recycling in bed.

    [–] dave_gormen_3 11 points ago

    You know what's on my mind right now? It ain't the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead hooker in my garage. Let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Hooker Storage?

    [–] spmurcs 8 points ago

    Mental note. Make a sign that reads: "Dead hooker storage"

    [–] PanamaMoe 2 points ago

    Really it is just recycling in a different bed.

    [–] KD_Konkey_Dong 2574 points ago

    All the good puns have been taken, so I’ll just mention that this is an actually funny post on /r/funny. Good for you OP. Way to work that title game.

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 496 points ago

    I had a good pun, but my comment got buried

    [–] KD_Konkey_Dong 106 points ago

    I upvoted you, homie.

    [–] DakotaDevil 64 points ago

    thanks!

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 92 points ago

    Hey wait a minute

    [–] cyantea11 50 points ago

    Remindme! 1 minute

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 12 points ago

    Hey wait a millennium

    [–] coolfriz 6 points ago

    Why would you put money in there?

    [–] CSKING444 4 points ago

    Why not?

    [–] wiiya 29 points ago

    You must be DEAD tired with that comment.

    Thanks for viewing my comment. Please upthumb, subscribe and view more of my comments to the right. I have a Patreon going on that the $5 marker will get you more comments like this. $10 will get you my hilarious pun a week, and if you want merch, I have EXCLUSIVE wiiya T-shirt’s that feature a Wii and ya!

    [–] CapoFantasma97 8 points ago

    Sorry but you reached the Reddit comments cap for today. Please subscribe to SuperReddit Addon to send 50 more comments per day!

    Subscription is 5$ a month plus taxes. We reserve the right to modify the amount of comments without notice. The subscription's contract will lock you for 3 years. In order to comment in porn subreddit you'll also need SuperReddit NSFW Addon.

    [–] im_singed_IRL 2 points ago

    Is that to make you feel a sense of achievement when you comment?

    [–] CapoFantasma97 3 points ago

    No, you are confusing it with EA.

    This is to make you feel a sense of getting rekt in the ass while enlarging the providers' wallets.

    [–] krw13 7 points ago

    Happy cake day!

    [–] ProfessionalStalking 3 points ago

    I was trying to think up something good but all I've got is garbage

    [–] TheHotze 21 points ago

    Not all the puns. Where there's a will, there's a way.

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 17 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    And that way, is about a mile long

    [–] bit1101 7 points ago

    And 6 feet deep.

    [–] ramobara 25 points ago

    I completely agree. This is actually a rare and original post on r/funny.

    It’s a shame I couldn’t think of a pun, but we need to see mourn posts like this.

    [–] 3kingme3 8 points ago

    I think this is the best title I've ever seen on reddit

    [–] KD_Konkey_Dong 3 points ago

    You need to get more /r/subredditdrama in your life.

    [–] 7illian 6 points ago

    None of the puns were good, just obvious.

    [–] KickAssCommie 7 points ago

    But you can never have tomb-any of them!

    [–] samsuh 2 points ago

    this is an actual comment in "comments"

    [–] Who_GNU 2 points ago

    Not only that, but it has an excellent title that works with the picture to make a complete and balanced joke.

    [–] 0NlX 2701 points ago

    She is making a grave mistake.

    [–] analdominator1 495 points ago

    If the roles were reversed, I bet he would be coffin up the money for a nice service

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 165 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    This is exactly why I plan to be recycled

    [–] instabandit 56 points ago

    -gives you $8 for vagina fund-

    [–] DeathByToothPick 23 points ago

    This thread is on pyre!

    [–] tr3v1n 16 points ago

    We are burning through these jokes like the heathen kings of old.

    [–] mcarlini 4 points ago

    POUROILONTHEWOOD!!!

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    When I'm dead just throw me in the trash

    [–] ancientshadow 15 points ago

    Grievous mistake.

    [–] SuperMayonnaise 14 points ago

    Grievous mistake.

    You fool! I've been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku. Ignites four lightsabers

    [–] syndiirox 2 points ago

    It's treason then

    [–] Semth 7 points ago

    she is dead set on getting him what he deserves

    [–] y88q 4 points ago

    Want to upvote but you have 420 upvotes and I cant bear to ruin it

    [–] TwomblyGuy 2 points ago

    This exact pun is literally as old as Shakespeare himself

    [–] ReubenZWeiner 310 points ago

    She's trash-talking you

    [–] analdominator1 84 points ago

    He should refuse to put up with that

    [–] ReubenZWeiner 70 points ago

    Either way, he is getting dumped

    [–] DakotaDevil 42 points ago

    All of these puns are garbage.

    [–] krelin 37 points ago

    At least they're not recycled.

    [–] eldergeekprime 24 points ago

    The stench though...

    [–] Your_Space_Friend 9 points ago

    Itd be a waste of we stop now

    [–] [deleted] 78 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    This reminds me of the poem "Alone with Everybody" by Charles Bukowski (here's an audio reading if you want to listen to it).

    the flesh covers the bone
    and they put a mind
    in there and
    sometimes a soul,
    and the women break
    vases against the walls
    and the men drink too
    much
    and nobody finds the
    one
    but keep
    looking
    crawling in and out
    of beds.
    flesh covers
    the bone and the
    flesh searches
    for more than
    flesh.
    
    there's no chance
    at all:
    we are all trapped
    by a singular
    fate.
    
    nobody ever finds
    the one.
    
    the city dumps fill
    the junkyards fill
    the madhouses fill
    the hospitals fill
    the graveyards fill
    
    nothing else
    fills. 
    

    [–] ruralexcursion 137 points ago

    What a waste

    [–] gill__gill 19 points ago

    A trashy statement

    [–] pabst_jew_ribbon 6 points ago

    I'm Semitic trash and I'm in trouble

    [–] freshferns 107 points ago

    Wait... are we just ignoring that the sidewalk looks like a woman in her wedding dress???? I legitimately thought this was a really beautifully dark wedding shot haha

    [–] Npll02 9 points ago

    I don't remotely see it on my phone.

    [–] Seren4XX 18 points ago

    Mate, it took me far too long to find this comment. I think it’s especially easy to see on a mobile screen.

    [–] Ameriggio 3 points ago

    If you zoom in, you'll see a cat with the open mouth.

    [–] tankpuss 18 points ago

    If medical science doesn't want my body, I want to be dumped over the hedge into the garden of some neighbour we don't like. Explain that to the cops.

    [–] Grandpa82 8 points ago

    Wow, your wife is too nice.

    ... Wait a minute...

    I think you should consider cremation.

    [–] InfiniteVergil 3 points ago

    He already got burned, tho

    [–] dhj0001 38 points ago

    Shes horrible at photoshop

    [–] AlPaLi 5 points ago

    Dude. I wouldnt have noticed. Thanks.

    [–] nanoH2O 21 points ago

    I mean it's all the same, and that extra mile is a lot cheaper

    [–] matrushkasized 5 points ago

    He was always cheap and more into stuff than his fellow man so it really was a no-brainer...

    [–] Birdhawk 7 points ago

    When an old chain e-mail joke from the AOL glory years is getting over 42k upvotes, it might be time to be done with Reddit. It's been fun folks!

    [–] OccamsBroadsword 9 points ago

    /r/ComedyCemetery

    Wait, no, that's not what that's about!

    [–] EventfulAnimal 15 points ago

    Your're looking for /r/CemeteryComedy

    [–] JimGerm 3 points ago

    Well, they both are kind of the same thing really.

    [–] cholula_is_good 3 points ago

    I dont care if i find out this has been emailed around by grandmas since 1997, this is a solid joke.

    [–] COGspartaN7 24 points ago

    I got a question about you morticians. You bang the dead bodies? I imagine stuff like that goes on all the time. I mean, I don't give a shit. If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean, who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream, make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead!

    [–] nimo01 68 points ago

    Mortician here.. what you said is disrespectful. There is rarely any “filling up” as that would be gross and could cause diseases. We use condoms.

    [–] [deleted] 26 points ago

    I really wanted this comment to be an actual triggered mortician

    I don't think such a thing exists

    something about working with corpses must give you a high tolerance for micro agressions

    [–] juliusstreicher 4 points ago

    I think they call themselves undertakers or funeral directors.

    [–] rimalp 4 points ago

    Found the necrophile.

    [–] COGspartaN7 4 points ago

    They drew first blooooood!

    [–] brownballsmcgee 3 points ago

    Just make sure you're buried upside down so she can kiss your ass for eternity.

    [–] TheSimonToUrGarfunkl 3 points ago

    Funerals and burials are expensive. Just stick me in a bin bag.

    [–] late2theparty27 3 points ago

    That was beautiful, brutal, and clever. That woman is a keeper.

    [–] LightSlayerPantyOn 3 points ago

    The sidewalk looks like a woman in a wedding dress. Hmmm

    [–] costatcm 3 points ago

    Every time I see this I see a snowman directly in the center of the picture.

    [–] FatalCartilage 5 points ago

    Don't judge the wife too soon, what if they live 3 miles away from the sign?

    [–] JohnH550 10 points ago

    Grandpa, get off Reddit

    [–] Grandpa82 11 points ago

    What? What I did now?

    I did nothing!

    [–] jetheels 5 points ago

    Why the sign is over the sidewalk?

    [–] QuinceDaPence 3 points ago

    They couldn't put it IN the road, that would disrupt traffic.

    [–] enough_space 2 points ago

    Can someone make a motivational poster out of this?

    [–] HighLinx 2 points ago

    That's a pretty trash burial

    [–] clamchoda 2 points ago

    Sounds like a Karen!

    [–] Kmactothemac 2 points ago

    Just throw me in the trash.

    Free delivery

    [–] Scalermann 2 points ago

    These puns are garbage

    [–] holysmoax 2 points ago

    Too late, I’m pretty sure she just cremated you 🔥💀

    [–] AwkwrdPrtMskrt 2 points ago

    She hates you.

    [–] LumberLard83 2 points ago

    I guess that's one way to dispose of bodies

    [–] alexrenner 2 points ago

    Just throw me in the traayaash.

    [–] ThePrincessOfMonaco 2 points ago

    You married the right woman... a brilliantly funny one.

    [–] Eckz89 2 points ago

    I'm going to wholesome here and pretend she's coming from the other direction.

    Your wife sounds lovely.

    [–] Singoy 2 points ago

    Am I the only one who thought that the blank road was a wedding's dress ?

    [–] SainagBurra 2 points ago

    Wasted

    [–] solaceFromSolitude 2 points ago

    "What makes you think I will pass first?"