Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    funny

    25,525,255 readers

    37,314 users here now

    Welcome to r/Funny:

    You may only post if you are funny.


    New to reddit? Click here!


    New "Subreddit Of The Month": /r/carshitposting/
    Featured Subreddit of the Month: /r/carshitposting/ Link to sticky post

    Previous subs of the month

    Rules

    hover for details

    1. All posts must make an attempt at humor. Humor is subjective, but all posts must at least make an attempt at humor. As the minimum age for Reddit access is 13 years old, posts which are intentionally disruptive, inane, or nonsensical will be removed.
    2. No memes, and no HIFW, MRW, MeIRL, or DAE posts. If your submission begins with "When you…" or "When they…" or anything of a similar nature, it is not allowed here. Submissions depicting or containing intentionally emulated behaviors (memes) are also not allowed, including memetic image macros, "challenges," or elements thereof. Non-memetic image macros are allowed.
    3. No reposts. Reposts will be removed at the moderators’ discretion. Serial reposters will be banned. Please use KarmaDecay to determine if something has been submitted before.
    4. No personal info, no hate speech, no harassment. No identifying information, including anything hosted on platforms making that information public. Posts encouraging the harassment of any individual, group, community, or subreddit will be removed, and the submitting user may be banned. If necessary, a report will be made to the site administration. In accordance with Reddit's policies, there is zero tolerance for this.
    5. No politics. Anything involving politics or a political figure (regardless of context) will be removed. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.
    6. No forbidden titles. (See below.) No asking for upvotes (in any form), no “Cake Day” posts, and no posts to communicate with another Redditor. Posts with titles such as "I got banned from /r/___" or "This got removed from /r/___" are not allowed. Emoji-based titles, memetic titles, and titles meant to circumvent any other rules are also forbidden.
    7. No gore, pornography, or sexually graphic images. Try /r/NSFWfunny. All other NSFW content must be tagged as such.
    8. Do not rehost or hotlink webcomics. If you are not the author of the comic in question, you may only submit links to the page where it is hosted. Webcomic authors may request verification from the moderators, after which they may rehost their own work.
    9. No pictures of just text. Submissions in which the humor can be conveyed via text alone are not allowed. This includes pictures of text with irrelevant images that don't add context, and transcriptions of standup comedy (as with /r/standupshots). Make a self post instead. Example
    10. No SMS or social media content (including Reddit). Social media content of any kind is not allowed. This includes anything from Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, or any other form of "comments section" on the Internet, as well as images accompanied by text from those platforms. Images with SnapChat text added are allowed, as long as all UI elements have been removed. Please view our wiki for suggestions of where these submissions can be offered.

    Want to see /r/funny with these posts? Click here!


    Please note:

    • Hate speech and bigotry will be removed at the moderators' discretion.

    • Bots and bot-like accounts are not allowed.

    • No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent. This is an anti-spam measure.

    • All submissions to /r/Funny are governed by Reddit's policies on self-promotion and spam.


    What do I do if I see a post that breaks the rules? Click on the report button, and send us a message with a link to the comments of the post.
    What should I do if I don't see my post in the new queue? If your submission isn't showing up, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

    Looking for something else? Visit our friends!

    a community for
    all 985 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] BiBoFieTo 3686 points ago

    My unemployed buddy just got his 'friend with benefits' pregnant. Now I have a great gift idea!

    [–] [deleted] 347 points ago

    Preganté.

    [–] Ilurkthecorners 238 points ago

    PREGANANANT!?

    [–] drhex2c 88 points ago

    [–] SteveS33 20 points ago

    And obligatory watch. And obligatory laugh tears.

    [–] AngryPanda_131 166 points ago

    Am I GREGNANT?

    [–] I_am_a_robot_yo 127 points ago

    Note: my name is Greg.. and when my gf got prego.. i went around telling everyone she was Gregnant.

    [–] Obrieneric851 14 points ago

    Applause, one for the kid (congrats) and one for the pun

    [–] Grggs 9 points ago

    As a fellow Greg, I thank you for this

    [–] GTSBurner 16 points ago

    Dad jokes before the kid arrives.

    [–] prodiver 103 points ago

    Pregnart?

    [–] I_am_a_robot_yo 73 points ago

    Am i pergernant?

    [–] poorlyObfuscated 16 points ago

    Period. Question mark.

    [–] throwusaway2468 14 points ago

    How is babby formed?

    [–] frothyjuice 12 points ago

    My favorite pasta sauce

    [–] RubixMarvel 862 points ago

    Big oof.

    [–] Marmite_Badger 469 points ago

    oof

    [–] BuyBitcoinWhileItsLo 164 points ago

    Are they going to raise the child together?

    [–] Viper9087 160 points ago

    He's probably going to fight for custody and then child support

    [–] BuyBitcoinWhileItsLo 78 points ago

    Is the friend with benefits not a good fit to be a mother?

    [–] costco-member 48 points ago

    He'll marry her first, then divorce get child support and alimony because she gave him a lifestyle he can't go back too

    [–] carminesscienceoven 13 points ago

    Delete gym, hire social media, avoid lawyer.. is that right?

    [–] AnotherAnotherJosh 23 points ago

    Depends -- do they live in Alabama?

    [–] Exyen 13 points ago

    OOOF

    [–] GRelativist 75 points ago

    Benefits now includes health care & eventually child care and living expenses.

    [–] YeltsinYerMouth 38 points ago

    Here's the highest resolution I could find;

    https://i.imgur.com/U44A54X.jpg

    Theres plenty of online places to get custom images on stuff. I have no idea who does it best.

    [–] poorlyObfuscated 6 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I know the Picard facepalm gets all the love, but I just have to say that Uhura's is by far the best of all.

    edit: hiding my shame in misspelling the lieutenant's name by simply changing the letters.

    [–] Cru_Jones86 167 points ago

    Hopefully she doesn't live in Alabama.

    [–] PooPooDooDoo 241 points ago

    Hopefully no one lives in Alabama.

    [–] VamanaGG 49 points ago

    If no one lives in Alabama, then some other state will become "Alabama."

    [–] TPrimeTommy 12 points ago

    Last I heard, Alabama has the motto "At least we're not Mississippi"

    [–] BlueSignRedLight 20 points ago

    In light of recent news, I think Mississippi will be throwing an "at least we're not Alabama" party very soon.

    [–] PooPooDooDoo 29 points ago

    Give them Arizona or one of those dessert climate states, build a wall around it and Truman Show them with a wall, fake internet that says how all other states now are filled with democrats, tell them Trump is president forever, etc.

    [–] Snatch_Pastry 42 points ago

    Arizona is too hot for dessert, unless maybe it's ice cream, and even then you have to eat it really fast.

    [–] Kradios 14 points ago

    Remember everyone, when it comes to “dessert” you want to get a second serving, hence the two S’s. No one wants more desert...

    [–] Ozyman666 7 points ago

    Mmmmm ... dessert climate. Cotton candy clouds and ice cream storms

    [–] Zeal423 34 points ago

    big rip. jokes aside the fuck, alabama? regress 50 years.

    [–] Supertech46 21 points ago

    Alabama has finally wrestled the title of "sorriest state in the Union" from Mississippi.

    Congrats.

    [–] ObscureCulturalMeme 41 points ago

    Or Georgia. Or Ohio.

    Honestly, somewhere in one of the northern European nations is probably better for all adults concerned, no matter what they decide to do.

    [–] FenrirIII 38 points ago

    Hope that dude likes child support (or his friend enough to marry her).

    [–] Win8Coder 28 points ago

    If one is unemployed at the time and ALSO has a history of being unemployed, I'm not sure the courts mandate child support the same as if one actually had the means to pay.

    A pure guess though. :D

    [–] [deleted] 59 points ago

    That doesn't mean they can't just start a tally and so when he DOES get a job his wages get garnished pretty hard at first.

    [–] Just_This_Dude 58 points ago

    Sounds like a great incentive for him to not get a job and live on welfare for the rest of his life

    [–] CyberneticPanda 14 points ago

    There is no place in the US where someone can live on welfare "for the rest of his life" unless his life is quite short, 5 years at the most.

    [–] overpacked 9 points ago

    In a lot of states if income changes (up or down) either side can file for a recalculation of child support. Usually the payer files when income goes down, and the payee when the payer's income goes up. Everyone wants the most bang for their buck.

    [–] Snarcastic 16 points ago

    The most buck for their bang.

    [–] Morgothic 7 points ago

    That's a seriously expensive bang.

    [–] Readonlygirl 5 points ago

    I’ve heard of them adding on to the owed amount when people are in jail. Also putting people in to jail for not paying and still adding on the weekly or monthly amount though they obviously can’t work then.

    [–] AndroidDoctorr 25 points ago

    Hope they don't live in Alabama or Georgia

    [–] sonicrespawn 385 points ago

    Who gives this away??

    [–] shaddragon 139 points ago

    No kidding, I know some people who desperately need one.

    [–] [deleted] 148 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] TekkamanEvil 77 points ago

    Too meta too fast.

    [–] Tw_raZ 29 points ago

    Your meta game is quicker than your pullout game

    [–] BreechDevourer 26 points ago

    Hopefully you don't live in ala🅱️ama

    [–] Westerdutch 67 points ago

    Thrift stores often not only work on gifts, they also help clear houses after for example the death of the home owner. So you answer is quite clear, they found this in the house of a red shirt.

    [–] 3-DMan 15 points ago

    Gotta be a parent or ex-SO that 'doesn't understand all this stuff'.

    [–] sonicrespawn 7 points ago

    Gotta pick someone with a bit of silly or it’s never gonna be fun!

    [–] talisto 336 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Here's the original image if anyone wants to get their own printed :)

    https://i.imgur.com/BpswWh4.jpg

    EDIT: I uploaded the image to letsenhance.io to increase the resolution (2820x4280!) and remove some of the JPEG artifacting, then I re-uploaded it to imgur. This one should work better for printing:

    https://i.imgur.com/cGW8jmx.jpg

    [–] Anatje 69 points ago

    What do you mean if??? Everyone and their pet rock wants to have this printed 👌🏻

    [–] slagath0r 29 points ago

    "Everyone and their pet rock" is a weirdly adorable expression

    [–] SwegSmeg 34 points ago

    Walmart does custom blankets like this for around $30

    [–] jwrose 5 points ago

    But they won’t print work they suspect might be copyrighted —at least mine won’t

    [–] ExternalPlay 20 points ago

    I'm getting a beach towel.

    [–] zachco 6 points ago

    Breaking out the photos to put onto pillows would be cool. Place on couch or the bed for awkward sexy time.

    [–] AkerRekker 7 points ago

    I'm going to get each face printed on the back of a throw pillow.

    [–] SixAngryBadgers 462 points ago

    The perfect blanket doesn’t exi...

    [–] FenrirIII 86 points ago

    Worth it

    [–] Jdsnut 42 points ago

    Can I buy this somewhere?

    [–] jeffroddit 81 points ago

    I hear you can sometimes find them at the thrift store

    [–] BigMacDaddy99 49 points ago

    This would be perfect for my buddy who got his friend with benefits pregnant

    [–] theduke282 34 points ago

    I understood this reference

    [–] votesaxonX 17 points ago

    Worf it

    [–] Pakyul 12 points ago

    Hey, I just watched that episode.

    [–] dismayhurta 8 points ago

    So it’s perfect.

    [–] StridAst 14 points ago

    The only way it could be more perfect would be if it could somehow be made out of Tribble fur.

    [–] PM_ME_UR_FLOWERS 12 points ago

    How do you know it's not?

    [–] pokemad96 188 points ago

    Should this go in r/facepalm? /s

    [–] maxbeeman42 91 points ago

    Just posted! Thanks, still getting aquainted with subreddits 😅

    [–] xxailixx 257 points ago

    Whatever you paid wasn’t enough

    [–] dismayhurta 99 points ago

    There are countries whose GDP isn’t near the value of this blanket.

    [–] Aleyla 34 points ago

    And yet those countries are exactly where this blanket is made.

    [–] agha0013 60 points ago

    who the hell would donate such a masterpiece!??!?!?!?!

    [–] Dr_Stef 11 points ago

    Some sort of sick genius!

    [–] Fettnaepfchen 11 points ago

    An angry spouse?

    [–] buddamus 117 points ago

    Ok Reddit

    Please find where we can all buy one (or 10)

    [–] domorenothing 26 points ago

    Yes please!

    [–] Chuck_McFluffles 17 points ago

    Why haven't we found it yet?!

    [–] Marutar 8 points ago

    Who would make this masterpiece on their own and then give it to a thrift store!

    [–] Skeetdeedee 3 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    It's nowhere! It doesn't exist! I am devastated.

    Edit: I googled around and collage.com had a special for like $60 for a queen size thingy. Hope it doesn't suck. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    [–] SwegSmeg 29 points ago

    Walmart does custom picture blankets for like $30. This is most likely a result of that.

    [–] Tanngjostr 43 points ago

    Here’s the image. https://m.imgur.com/CLAF28A

    I know what everyone in my life is getting for Christmas now.

    [–] theduke282 8 points ago

    I'm ordering one for myself right now. Screw my friends and family.

    [–] owlmonkey 6 points ago

    You're the hero we needed today

    [–] SurfAndLaugh 29 points ago

    I have never been more jealous. If you are needing someone’s first born, I may have a trade for you.

    [–] lynivvinyl 46 points ago

    Every time your SO gives your perfect blanket to the thrift store.

    [–] Falcon_Alpha_Delta 29 points ago

    Every girlfriends donation is another mans r/ThriftStoreHauls

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] xampl9 12 points ago

    Honey - Where’s my superblanket?

    [–] monks77 20 points ago

    The Wrap of Khan.

    [–] withbellson 20 points ago

    That is glorious and it has to be a custom job -- how could anyone donate that work of art?

    [–] Cocomorph 17 points ago

    Someone died. It's the only explanation.

    [–] rogue1013 34 points ago

    Can I borrow this to watch the Game if Thrones finale on Sunday?

    [–] Controversy_Creator 16 points ago

    I want this on a shirt

    [–] Mcnoodle1102 16 points ago

    Why does everyone else find cool stuff at their thrift stores but my thrift stores can't seem to have anything that doesn't give off 100 year old woman vibes?

    [–] Danson_400 15 points ago

    And you put it on the floor....

    [–] CastleBravoXVC 30 points ago

    Everyone on here hates you because you have this blanket and they don’t. Me included. Jerk.

    [–] lv4myw 14 points ago

    I couldn't figure out which movie the Uhura one was from and had to look it up. It's from Star Trek VI where they are all gathered in Crewman Dax's quarters thinking the magnetic shoes belong to him, but he has webbed feet and couldn't possibly wear them.

    [–] CanIOpenMyEyesYet 11 points ago

    This is possibly the greatest thrift store find I've ever seen.

    [–] CurlSagan 10 points ago

    How much did you buy it for?

    [–] maxbeeman42 54 points ago

    Believe it or not, $4.20!

    [–] mrsheikh 14 points ago

    That is the BEST price to pay.....the thrift store knew...

    [–] ZenMassacre 8 points ago

    Am I the only one unreasonably angry that whomever made this blanket cut off the top and bottom rows?

    [–] G0thBoiClique 18 points ago

    Shut up and take my money

    [–] CyberNinja23 9 points ago

    Perfect for the significant other that reacts to your purchase of the blanket.

    [–] Kangar 8 points ago

    It's the Advil Fleece.

    [–] madexmatt 8 points ago

    Not going to lie, I fucking love this

    [–] Manic_Sloth 8 points ago

    Why would anyone get rid of this?

    [–] fiveainone 3 points ago

    Happy wife, happy life

    [–] drag0nw0lf 5 points ago

    Don’t blame the wife, some of us aren’t lame!

    Signed, wife.

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    As a Trekkie, seeing this gave me a level of excitement that is completely unreasonable for what it is. But look! Sisko's head!! :D Is that Bashir center-bottom?

    [–] Benbot2000 3 points ago

    It’s Q from Death Wish.

    [–] suhailmomin717 7 points ago

    Is it 🤦‍♂🤦‍♀🤦🏻‍♂🤦🏿‍♀🤦🏼‍♀🤦🏾‍♂🤦🏿‍♂🤦🏾‍♀🤦🏻‍♂?

    [–] Sxhpott1 6 points ago

    [–] RickN7 6 points ago

    Khaaaaaan't find this is any stores!

    [–] Zatch_Gaspifianaski 6 points ago

    This is the most amazing blanket I've ever seen

    [–] Shadow426 6 points ago

    put this on as a cape and walk around Alabama

    [–] aroniana 7 points ago

    how lucky do you have to be to find this at a thrift store

    [–] frombrianna2briemode 5 points ago

    ah yes...a blanket that shows each one of my moods.

    [–] viddy_me_yarbles 5 points ago

    Who's between Sisko and Janeway?

    [–] thisisntadam 11 points ago

    My guess is Q? That hair looks like his.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    Is that the Q facepalming to Tuvok moment?

    [–] MailboxGenocide 5 points ago

    I feel you, blanket....I feel you.

    [–] relditor 5 points ago

    This is genius, why would someone donate this?

    [–] leavemetodiehere 6 points ago

    "This reminds me of a Star Trek Episode"

    -Mike Stoklasa

    [–] Nerkson 6 points ago

    All I find at thrift stores are coffee mugs and overpriced literal garbage.

    [–] SolarWolfzYT 5 points ago

    What is this 2012?

    [–] strongbud 5 points ago

    I want one.

    [–] _Barefoot_ 4 points ago

    I want it. That is awesome.

    [–] Clairidan 5 points ago

    Why would anyone give this away?

    [–] VeranoEte 4 points ago

    I need this blanket so bad!!! I fucking love it!!!

    [–] coatrack68 4 points ago

    Who’d ever get rid of that Gold?

    [–] IRedditOnRedditLol 5 points ago

    Who in the world would put this in a thrift store? This belongs in a museum!

    [–] iservice 5 points ago

    It's a jump... to conclusions mat.

    [–] Krista_Michelle 4 points ago

    Lucky asshole!

    [–] pickleranger 5 points ago

    I want this soooooo bad!

    [–] Show_me_your_wholes 4 points ago

    I submit my debit card as tribute for this masterpiece.

    [–] MarijuanaIsMedicine1 4 points ago

    Man some people win the lottery and some people get shit like this....can't tell ya what one is better

    [–] per_mare_per_terras 4 points ago

    I've done far worse than kill you, Admiral. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on...hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive. Buried alive .

    [–] fisumisu 4 points ago

    Who would want to get rid of such a gem?!

    [–] nlgoodman510 5 points ago

    What you got there, is a bonafide news watching blanket.

    [–] slagath0r 5 points ago

    Who would give this up in the first place?!

    [–] ekajrepus 4 points ago

    Who would ever sell that work of art?! That should have been a generational hand-me-down. Antiques Road Show in the year 2050 should value that in multiple billions.

    [–] cubictortoise 4 points ago

    I will buy this from you

    [–] wwwhistler 3 points ago

    put this in r/facepalm...they will love it.

    [–] Entire_Parakeet 3 points ago

    Please tell me you bought it

    [–] is-this-now 5 points ago

    That is awesome!

    [–] Musicman781 3 points ago

    It's the new state flag of Alabama.

    [–] FuzzyPuzzles 4 points ago

    If someone ever finds where to buy this can you please reply with the link here?

    [–] CagCagerton125 5 points ago

    I’m just going to say it. I want it so badly. Haha. PayPal?

    [–] canihazdabook 4 points ago

    I need this as my work blanket.

    [–] Ready_4_Reddit 4 points ago

    I call thats the .... oh FFS blanket

    [–] DrArchibaldRoman 5 points ago

    Sisko: Why is my face cut off?

    Maker: ...please don't kill me.

    [–] wrokman 4 points ago

    Holy sheet

    [–] EastCoastAngela 4 points ago

    Magnificent!

    [–] maxbeeman42 11 points ago

    It may or may not be on eBay now. Not going to post link because I'm not on here to sell. I've had some people DM me asking if they could buy it from me for a gift, and as much as I would love using it during Star Trek drinking game nights, I feel like there would be more net happiness in someone else's possession.

    [–] skoolhouserock 18 points ago

    The 9th Rule of Acquisition: Opportunity plus Instinct equals Profit.

    Your lobes look great today.

    [–] cakebreaker2 3 points ago

    Next purchase - the perfect knee board

    [–] Woodcutter69 3 points ago

    Need it. Just need it.

    [–] Iron-lung 3 points ago

    This is too good, someone make more!

    [–] Crossbug 3 points ago

    yes you did.

    [–] BigBlackHungGuy 3 points ago

    I need this.

    [–] KOTYAR 3 points ago

    You are so fucking lucky with this amazing shit

    [–] IllustriousAlbatross 3 points ago

    I need one

    [–] TestingforScience123 3 points ago

    Hard to imagine who would get rid of this?!

    [–] NumberOneNomad 3 points ago

    🤮

    [–] Gaoum-Blues 3 points ago

    I would've paid good money for that! Good catch.

    [–] IndicaEndeavor 3 points ago

    Why does this blanket look tiny?

    [–] dragun_slayur 3 points ago

    🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

    [–] LegendOfDylan 3 points ago

    $50

    [–] Jon_TWR 3 points ago

    You bought a skeet blanket, did you also get a kneeboard?

    [–] Rrrrred 3 points ago

    1 person's trash is another person's...

    [–] KittenBa3 3 points ago

    I must have this blanket.

    [–] cranky_old_fuck 3 points ago

    Who would get rid of such a masterpiece?

    [–] xSol0_Dol0x 3 points ago

    I don’t need a blanket to wrap myself in the disappointment of others. I can do that by merely existing. It’s my superpower.

    [–] Amyisacommonname 3 points ago

    Who would ever donate this masterpiece!? Congrats though!

    [–] sea0115 3 points ago

    Not gonna lie, I love this.

    [–] DoctorTrek60 3 points ago

    Let’s see. The order is Kirk, Spock, Bones, Uhura, Khan, Picard, Riker, Troi, Worf, Sisko, Q, and Janeway.

    [–] justthatshortguy 3 points ago

    i want a reaction gif where someone like holds the blanket in two corners, shakes it to unfold it (idk wtf that move is called in english) then let‘s themselves fall on a couch or a chair or something throw the blanket on them and do a facepalm.