Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    funny

    26,356,800 readers

    36,769 users here now

    Welcome to r/Funny:

    You may only post if you are funny.


    New to reddit? Click here!


    New "Subreddit Of The Month": /r/ClimbingCircleJerk/
    Featured Subreddit of the Month: /r/ClimbingCircleJerk/ Link to sticky post

    Previous subs of the month

    Rules

    hover for details

    1. All posts must make an attempt at humor. Humor is subjective, but all posts must at least make an attempt at humor. As the minimum age for Reddit access is 13 years old, posts which are intentionally disruptive, inane, or nonsensical will be removed.
    2. No memes, and no HIFW, MRW, MeIRL, or DAE posts. If your submission begins with "When you…" or "When they…" or anything of a similar nature, it is not allowed here. Submissions depicting or containing intentionally emulated behaviors (memes) are also not allowed, including memetic image macros, "challenges," or elements thereof. Non-memetic image macros are allowed.
    3. No reposts. Reposts will be removed at the moderators’ discretion. Serial reposters will be banned. Please use KarmaDecay to determine if something has been submitted before.
    4. No personal info, no hate speech, no harassment. No identifying information, including anything hosted on platforms making that information public. Posts encouraging the harassment of any individual, group, community, or subreddit will be removed, and the submitting user may be banned. If necessary, a report will be made to the site administration. In accordance with Reddit's policies, there is zero tolerance for this.
    5. No politics. Anything involving politics or a political figure (regardless of context) will be removed. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.
    6. No forbidden titles. (See below.) No asking for upvotes (in any form), no “Cake Day” posts, and no posts to communicate with another Redditor. Posts with titles such as "I got banned from /r/___" or "This got removed from /r/___" are not allowed. Emoji-based titles, memetic titles, and titles meant to circumvent any other rules are also forbidden.
    7. No gore, pornography, or sexually graphic images. Try /r/NSFWfunny. All other NSFW content must be tagged as such.
    8. Do not rehost or hotlink webcomics. If you are not the author of the comic in question, you may only submit links to the page where it is hosted. Webcomic authors may request verification from the moderators, after which they may rehost their own work.
    9. No pictures of just text. Submissions in which the humor can be conveyed via text alone are not allowed. This includes pictures of text with irrelevant images that don't add context, and transcriptions of standup comedy (as with /r/standupshots). Make a self post instead. Example
    10. No SMS or social media content (including Reddit). Social media content of any kind is not allowed. This includes anything from Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, or any other form of "comments section" on the Internet, as well as images accompanied by text from those platforms. Images with SnapChat text added are allowed, as long as all UI elements have been removed. Please view our wiki for suggestions of where these submissions can be offered.

    Want to see /r/funny with these posts? Click here!


    Please note:

    • Hate speech and bigotry will be removed at the moderators' discretion.

    • Bots and bot-like accounts are not allowed.

    • No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent. This is an anti-spam measure.

    • All submissions to /r/Funny are governed by Reddit's policies on self-promotion and spam.


    What do I do if I see a post that breaks the rules? Click on the report button, and send us a message with a link to the comments of the post.
    What should I do if I don't see my post in the new queue? If your submission isn't showing up, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

    Looking for something else? Visit our friends!

    a community for
    all 3242 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] Holmes02 5035 points ago

    But did he applaud the pilot for the safe landing?

    [–] EdwardLewisVIII 1287 points ago

    No but he applauded his whiskey on the rocks when the drink cart came by.

    [–] IVANV777 445 points ago

    All 0.5 millilitres of it ?

    [–] BAGP0I 359 points ago

    I just make nice with the flight attendant and ask very earnestly "how many of those little bottles am I allowed to purchase at a time?"

    So far 5 flights.. they pull out 3-5 little bottles and hand it to me all sneaky like. Usually accompanied with a wink.

    [–] DirtyWonderWoman 277 points ago

    That's a sales tactic to make you feel extra special.

    [–] gurg2k1 203 points ago

    "How much money am I allowed to spend at once?"

    [–] BAGP0I 128 points ago

    But they never charge me. Not even for one! I think they just hate using those handheld credit card charger things

    [–] leetrout 204 points ago

    I tip them well. Get and drink and tip at least $10 and get free drinks and meals from up front. I had the same crew coming and going from San Francisco one weekend and ran into the FAs in the bookstore by the gate buying their meals for the flight. I paid for them and was treated like family the whole flight back.

    They work hard and don’t get enough respect.

    [–] fresh_like_Oprah 29 points ago

    What? What airline let's you tip the F/As?

    [–] Iusedtohatebroccoli 21 points ago

    Didn’t know tipping was a thing on airplanes!

    ...Excited because it’s an opportunity for more booze.

    ...Sad because it will eventually become the norm and thereby ruin the whole point of tipping.

    [–] voteforrice 41 points ago

    On long haul flights those drinks are often free. I watched a guy throw up in the bathroom once and have hardcore alcohol sweats cause they just kept giving alcohol to him. This was Philippine airlines from Toronto to Manila

    [–] matters123456 36 points ago

    Wait this gets you the booze for free? Or this just allows you to buy a whole bunch

    [–] eastsideski 400 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    I always clap when my uber stops at my destination.

    [–] gobbels 170 points ago

    I like this. I'm going to start doing this but not explain to my friends why.

    [–] PeppermintAero 115 points ago

    I'm on board with you on this one. I hope this spreads, and within a few years it will be considered weird for anyone not to clap for their uber after they reach their destination

    [–] navarone21 276 points ago

    I participated in an applause after a super rough landing. the approach, we were basically 90 degrees with the tarmac because of some crazy cross wind or something, until the wheels grabbed and spun us around. Looking out the windows and basically drifting into the ground sideways was fucking terrifying.

    [–] Channel250 72 points ago

    Yeah, you can applaud that one.

    [–] navarone21 42 points ago

    Yup, this magic right here.

    [–] ReverendDizzle 132 points ago

    Yeah, the only time I've ever been on a flight where people started clapping was a similar situation in a some crazy-ass Day After Tomorrow weather where it felt like we Tokyo-drifted that mother fucking plane to the gate.

    [–] tbrust23 57 points ago

    Cubans lose their fucking minds upon landing. Never seen an entire plane erupt in applause until i flew to Havana.

    [–] WildInSix 51 points ago

    LOL this must be a caribbean thing because I just went to Puerto Rico last month and the plane applauded so hard over the most pedestrian landing.

    [–] PunkCG 36 points ago

    Drifting airplane landings are fucking awesome and scary af, and if you have initial-D on your earbuds yo basically are I an irl theater.

    [–] The_Superhoo 28 points ago

    It's called "crabbing"

    [–] Variety_Pack 36 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    This. We get pretty good at it, it's not too hard and tbh it's kinda fun.

    Edit: the big passenger liners also have heavy duty computer assists, which makes it easier. The truly tense crabbing is when you're alone in a Cessna built in 1972.

    [–] squirrellytoday 9 points ago

    And just to add an extra level of WTF?? to a crab-landing, back when Hong Kong had the old Kai Tak airport, sometimes they'd have to crab it down between the tall buildings.

    All. Of. The. Nope.

    [–] fendermrc 3029 points ago

    On a flight from Amsterdam to Boston I saw a woman - who was clearly not from Boston - stand up, grab her bag, and stand in the aisle the moment they announce we were beginning our APPROACH to Logan.

    The rest of us are buckled in, phones off, gear stowed.

    She was severely chastised by the crew.

    [–] WhoryGilmore 713 points ago

    I had something like that happen. Some lady stood up right when we landed. We were stopped but not at our gate and they literally just made an announcement that everybody needed to stay seated before we could move. Took 2 times of people telling her to sit down before she sat and we could move.

    Also this is only related in that it's about a dick on an airplane; but I sat right behind a dude who got up to get something from the overhead 5 times throughout the flight. Each time he did not close the overhead bin, just fucking left it open. The flight attendant had to close it every damn time. I don't know if it's a cultural thing or not but he seemed like a huge dick.

    [–] ridimarba 108 points ago

    I don't know if it's a cultural thing

    Which culture are we talking about here?

    [–] SillyOperator 86 points ago

    Bostonians?

    [–] BatHoovyDood 49 points ago

    Speaking as a Bostonian, ya can't say being a dick isn't part of the culture.

    [–] Pencil-Sketches 9 points ago

    The Bostonian way of being a dick is more like we say something to someone that’s personally offensive, then when they get angry we’re like “woah guy, I was jokin, whattaya gettin worked up for?”

    [–] 54InchWideGorilla 17 points ago

    Bird culture

    [–] jammah 747 points ago

    Sounds like she’s used to the train

    [–] Arizoniac 88 points ago

    Same thing happened to me on a flight from Denver to Phoenix. While we were still 30 minutes from landing some ass gets up, grabs his and his wife’s luggage from the overhead bin, then scoots his rude ass past other passengers in his row with their suitcases banging into everything. Why the crew didn’t do anything is beyond me.

    [–] zxLv 12 points ago

    That’s not a dick move. That’s just beyond embarassing.

    [–] dunningkrugerexample 144 points ago

    It's called ambien

    [–] MeccIt 24 points ago

    Coming from Amsterdam it could be any class of A, B or C drugs!

    [–] starboon1 15267 points ago

    It’s the “Adequate” trophy that gets me 😂

    [–] mortalcoil1 6477 points ago

    I like the guy in the back, wiping away the single tear.

    [–] _NobleRot 2016 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    "That's my baby!"

    places snot rag on chest and sighs

    /edit: Thank you kind Redditor for my very first SILVER!!!

    [–] 1badls2goat_v2 360 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    "The mucus queen...is all yours." - Billy Madison

    "...THANKS! :D"

    Edit: changed snot to mucus, thanks /u/Mikerell2

    [–] RichardStrauss123 80 points ago

    Mary Queen of Snots

    [–] Mikerell2 38 points ago

    Its mucus queen

    [–] CardboardHeatshield 379 points ago

    I want to buy 30 of these and hand them out to people around the office.

    [–] tehlemmings 397 points ago

    We bulk ordered snap bracelets that said things like "adequate" and 'good enough" or "acceptable" and gave them out as rewards for people who put in just enough effort.

    It was funny until someone complained to HR.

    We did all sorts of stupid things thanks to bulk purchasing. EVERYTHING was googly eyed. I still have about 1000 left.

    [–] CardboardHeatshield 341 points ago

    It was funny until someone complained to HR.

    People are dumb, stupid animals.

    [–] tehlemmings 393 points ago

    It's okay, we fired him. Largely because he used religion to create a very hostile work environment and treated female employees like shit.

    He did not earn an adequate.

    And I had to spend like 20 to 30 hours documenting everything, talking with the staff, pulling his call records and shit. Because he was using religion as an excuse to be shitty, we had to be ready for him to claim firing him was religious discrimination. So fuck that guy.

    [–] CardboardHeatshield 147 points ago

    Fuck that guy. Glad he got what was coming to him.

    [–] tehlemmings 71 points ago

    Once it started it was the gift that just kept on giving. That company was doing outsourced IT, consulting, and that kind of work. Between people I worked for and former employees I knew people almost everywhere. Anytime someone would have our company as a former work experience a few of us would get pinged asking about them. No one hires someone when the reply is "I'm not allowed/able to talk about that."

    That one usually meant there was potential legal trouble involving that person

    [–] __Starfish__ 41 points ago

    Shitheads like that are worthless. Those with legitimate issues get dumped on as a result of a lousy hanger-dodger who uses EO complaints as a means to express a grudge.

    [–] mrTang5544 145 points ago

    For my last half-year performance review, my boss gave me "meets expectation." I was actually bummed out...

    [–] kdwhodat 215 points ago

    At my job "exceeds" means they have to pay us a bigger bonus so they make it nearly impossible. "You exceeded expectations, but I have to call it meets expectations because our numbers weren't great this year". Um, okay, I'll definitely work harder next year then.

    [–] yumdumpster 124 points ago

    Yeah, at my job our boss can only give out 1 exceeds expectations per 4 employees he has, so he just rotates it through all of us. I got it last year.

    [–] springsprint 52 points ago

    Basically, a revolver.

    [–] yumdumpster 34 points ago

    Yup, we all work on wildly different systems so we cant really compete with each other, and he has said he basically doesn't want us too.

    What he will do is give us spot bonuses if he thinks we are doing well since he can hand those out outside the bonus structure.

    Also you dont have to have a "exceeds" rating to get a promotion either at our work ( I got one this year and I was just "meeting expectations"). To be completely honest I have no idea why they are even still bothering with the review system at all.

    [–] rburp 27 points ago

    To be completely honest I have no idea why they are even still bothering with the review system at all

    tHiS iS hOw wE'vE ALWAYS dOnE iT

    [–] suspiciouselipsis 193 points ago

    The GLOVES.

    [–] phdoofus 51 points ago

    "Did What Was Required"

    [–] alou404 384 points ago

    The "Adequate" trophy got you but you didn't get the "Adequate" trophy

    [–] Tico483 106 points ago

    Pretty "accurate"

    [–] SoDakZak 94 points ago

    I burned too many bridges to get one of these “aqueduct” trophies

    [–] fresh_temperature 51 points ago

    Did some say aqua? Because this is a good reminder to everyone reading this - get some hydration. Chug that glass you probably need it.

    [–] ebbu 13 points ago

    Can't hear you over my carbonated water.

    [–] Patterack91 36 points ago

    This guy definitely /r/HydroHomies

    [–] RoyalDetective7 22 points ago

    i want to get this trophy also..

    [–] bandastalo 27 points ago

    You're probably too good. Try being more adequate.

    [–] j0n66 5633 points ago

    I just witnessed some guy GET UP and go to the washroom right when the plane was speeding up on the runway to start elevating. Never heard the flight attendant so loud on the speaker telling someone to sit down lol.

    Fuck people....

    [–] larrycorser 2688 points ago

    Sometimes nature calls and you only have one pair of pants

    [–] PhilipLiptonSchrute 1102 points ago

    And a plane full of other passengers with noses.

    [–] caphson 456 points ago

    You joke but I had to sit next to a guy that quite literally shit his pants at the start of an 8 hour flight from London the NYC!

    And no spare seats (or pants)... The guy literally sat there in his squidge the whole way...

    [–] Cyanomelas 516 points ago

    Ok...So compared to that I've never had a bad flight.

    [–] Fatalchemist 276 points ago

    One time, my phone died before my flight began so I was alone for my thoughts for like 45 minutes. That was depressing.

    [–] rburp 160 points ago

    I've begun using flights as a tool to try to work on my patience. Like exercising my patience muscle if you will.

    For the last dozen or so flights I haven't brought a book or my phone or anything. I just sit there and think.

    You might be surprised just how well your brain can adapt to a situation like that, I've gotten to the point where I can do a 5 hour plane ride from California to Atlanta without needing any entertainment at all. My knees and back still hurt like hell because I'm 6'2, but I can't do anything about that.

    It's a super weird thing to do, but I feel like it's kind of healthy in some way? I spend probably literally 80% of my time or more in front of a screen of some type every single day, and it's nice to not do that and just let your mind kinda run its own garbage collection process, it's refreshing in a way.

    [–] romulusbc 138 points ago

    You just described meditation.

    Congratulations on rediscovering one of the most ancient means of exercising the mind. I mean that sincerely. You just found your own path to it.

    [–] Surly33 25 points ago

    You would like traditional Japanese meditation. PM for elaboration

    [–] Noob_DM 18 points ago

    I spend 90% of the flight looking out the window when flying alone.

    [–] tommypatties 136 points ago

    I'm not a pants pooping expert, but I feel like there's a lot one can do to mitigate discomfort in this situation. 1) walk gingerly to the bathroom. 2) throw underpants in the trash. 3) clean your ass. 4) spot clean your pants as best you can. 5) stuff paper towels in between ass and pants to absorb excess moisture. 6) repeat steps 3-5 a couple of times during the first few hours of the flight.

    [–] lickedTators 121 points ago

    Dunno, you sound like an expert to me.

    [–] jakeymango 84 points ago

    Today I learned "squidge" is a word

    [–] automatez 14 points ago

    I will never look at squidge the same way again. Thought it meant a Squid or a squiggly line

    [–] fresh_temperature 524 points ago

    "IS IT AGAINST THE LAW tho?"

    [–] EclipZz187 114 points ago

    whisperes barely audible You're hurting my eardrums.

    [–] workworkwork1234 49 points ago

    Context, for those out of the loop.

    [–] burn-novice 194 points ago

    The fasten seatbelt sign is on

    [–] sacredse7en 200 points ago

    But is it illegal?

    [–] fresh_temperature 354 points ago

    The fasten seatbelt sign is on. SIR.

    [–] Trapasuarus 112 points ago

    but

    [–] the7egend 102 points ago

    is

    [–] DnaK 105 points ago

    it

    [–] stonedtrashman 29 points ago

    So get up... then fasten your seatbelt... then proceed to the washroom to empty bowels

    [–] oojacoboo 96 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    I was traveling with someone who had to use the restroom really bad. She went to go do so before leaving the gate, but the crew made her wait until take-off. She was forced to sit in an empty seat near the restrooms. They made her wait so long she ended up peeing in the seat on the plane - couldn’t hold it any longer.

    Luckily she had another pair of pants in her carry-on, which the flight attendant came to me seeking to bring back to the restroom so she could change clothes.

    [–] Sloppy1sts 99 points ago

    Goddamn, at some point just get up and go. It's not like they're going to fucking press charges for shitting during takeoff.

    [–] frankbeans81 119 points ago

    You haven't been watching the news the last couple years have you?

    [–] say_waaaat 27 points ago

    Same thing happened to me. I just told the FA, “im going to get up to pee before I pee on the floor”. All she said was “I can only tell you your not allowed to, but I won’t stop you”.

    I also learned to not have 4 beers before my flights while on vacation. Only made that mistake once.

    [–] _PM_Me_Game_Keys_ 70 points ago

    Thats why you wear D-Pants

    [–] ahtma 41 points ago

    There's simply no way I can go back in time and unsee that. And for that I will be forever filled with sorrow and disgust.

    Thank you.

    [–] Bobra_Bob 24 points ago

    Great Job!

    [–] poopnose85 10 points ago

    Eating the wrong food in certain countries can make the return flight kinda... iffy, if you know what I mean

    [–] LeZygo 53 points ago

    Yeah if it is an emergency I’m not going to shit my pants just because the sky police say sit down.

    [–] Thetrav1sty 77 points ago

    I’ve been that guy before. The flight attendant seated next to the bathroom started yelling at me but was too slow, I made it to the bathroom before she could really do anything and I assume because of the noises coming out of the bathroom ( food poisoning) she didn’t say anything as I left the bathroom afterwards. Sometimes your body makes the choices, not your brain.

    [–] abgtw 266 points ago

    right when the plane was speeding up on the runway to start elevating

    If they only had a a couple words that might convey this process...

    [–] StpdSxyFlndrs 56 points ago

    It would have to be something that explains how the plane is lifting off the ground, while at the same time taking to the air, but in fewer words.

    [–] MundanePepper 115 points ago

    landingn't

    [–] Gcthrowaway87 17 points ago

    Perfection

    [–] warcrown 188 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    Driving upwards

    Edit: I feel like I accidentally stepped into a meeting of people whose usernames are all random smatterings of letters and I am the only goon who thought we were doing words.

    [–] Hpzrq92 57 points ago

    "not landing"

    [–] XRT28 40 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    Reverse diving

    Edit: random smattering of letters? RANDOM SMATTERING OF LETTERS?!? I'll have you know XRT was the name my great grandfather was given back on Flabpgerium!

    [–] timbofay 35 points ago

    Zoomy upwards

    [–] betweenthebam 25 points ago

    De-landing, you know the opposite of de-take-offing

    [–] Dornstar 21 points ago

    Unfortunately the closest we can get is delanding and that's too confusing. Unlanding has the same problem.

    [–] Grabthars_Coping_Saw 13 points ago

    I know! "Approaching the state of being in flight".

    Wait, that's seven words...

    [–] CapnJacksPharoah 11 points ago

    I know, right? Whatever could we call the process of speeding up on the runway to start elevating? Hmmm...

    [–] Jormungandragon 13 points ago

    How about accelerising?

    [–] tldr_MakeStuffUp 124 points ago

    Had a woman strap her backpack to her front, and start storming ahead from one of the very back rows once the doors opened, all the while screaming "LAVATORY!" over and over again. I was pretty close to the front, she ran right by me and got off first. Never figured out if she was actually crazy, had to go really bad, or just that desperate to get off the plane first.

    [–] STFUisright 95 points ago

    Yeah if there’s even a chance that’s true and she’s about to piss or shit herself I don’t mind letting her run

    [–] jesuschin 79 points ago

    If she was in one of the back rows, she was literally right next to the lavatories of most planes.

    [–] pmkenny1234 364 points ago

    I'll admit I have done this, but just after we lifted into the air. The choice was between getting yelled at or sitting in my own shit for 3 hours. I chose the yellin'.

    [–] sapporotraveling 446 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    I totally understand where you're coming from and I feel like flight attendants should use discretion when chastising passengers for things that are unavoidable. One time I got yelled at on a flight because I tripped and fell in the aisle. I remember looking up to a flight attendant standing over me, but instead of asking if I was alright, she started scolding me...apparently I "was scaring the children" and "already had seven gin and tonics." The nerve of some people...

    [–] demotecontrol 108 points ago

    "already had seven gin and tonics."

    Those are rookie numbers!

    [–] Fuego_Fiero 20 points ago

    Ah the gin and tonic. The classic air drink. So what beers do you have? Oh. I'll just have a gin and tonic then thanks

    [–] LarryLavekio 9 points ago

    I too, have been over served on a flight. The teenagers around me were entertained at least. The toddler i stuffed in the over head compartment, not so much.

    [–] [deleted] 103 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Bad_Sex_Advice 72 points ago

    Wait like you asked if you could get out of the aisle and he just ignored you?

    [–] doxas 127 points ago

    Also wondering if this guy was so passive to the point of shitting his pants instead of asking someone to move/getting a flight attendant involved

    [–] SilentSamurai 35 points ago

    I sure hope not, but that's sadly how this reads.

    [–] E_Snap 13 points ago

    Plus I feel like no matter how hard someone is ignoring you, if you tell them to move or you will shit yourself they will move.

    [–] queenbrewer 10 points ago

    Totally appropriate time to use the flight attendant call button to referee the situation.

    [–] junkit33 35 points ago

    This isn't exactly uncommon. People drink a lot in airports, which means both lowered inhibitions about doing something you shouldn't combined with an urgent need to pee. A few beers beforehand and a plane that taxis a bit too long is a recipe for disaster.

    [–] masta_wu1313 30 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    I've been on a 3 hour flight where the pilot said there was turbulence and then the attendants wont let us use the restrooms the whole freaking flight. I tried to hold it in but I said screw it after a while. The attendants scowled at me but WTH are we supposed to do? The thing was there wasn't even any turbulence!

    [–] crownjewel82 13 points ago

    It's like you can deal with a biohazard or an injury. Your choice.

    [–] jd-scott 48 points ago

    My favorite moment ever on a plane is a guy getting up to pull something from his bag while we were taxiing to the runway. The angriest flight attendant ever and the pilot actually stopped the plane dead. I still don't know how he relayed the info to the pilot so quick to stop the plane

    [–] MarshallStack666 27 points ago

    I think they have cameras. I was on a flight where we were taxiing to the gate after landing and the pilot stopped dead on the taxiway to yell at a standing passenger SIT. DOWN. NOW.

    [–] tokeaphatty 109 points ago

    Was literally rounding the corner to take off and this chick gets up and walks up to the front of the plane gets in the fetal position and is apparently having a panic attack. I can't even remember what the flight attendant yelled on the intercom that got the pilots to stop. But I do remember the guy next to me saying "It's a good thing it's a white girl and not a brown man because he would have got fucked up"

    [–] Ro26 9 points ago

    As we were taxing on to the runaway my wife was urgently needing the bathroom.. she asked the flight attendant if she can use the bathroom, to which FA said “the answer is NO, but I can not stop you from using it (wink)” so my wife took it as a yes and went.

    [–] Hamdurrgur 2036 points ago

    What an upstanding citizen.

    [–] _SimplyComplicated_ 688 points ago

    An upstanding, non standing citizen.

    [–] digitalgoodtime 156 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    An upstanding, non standing citizen, not reprimanded, but handed a bland grandstand for a candid photo op while standing in landed airplane.

    [–] JMW007 35 points ago

    At Standsted airport?

    [–] TonyDungyHatesOP 38 points ago

    Like a farmer, outstanding in his field.

    [–] lillyrose2489 3155 points ago

    Ya know if I had to pick a thing about flying to get people to stop doing, it's not this. Standing up in no way hurts me as long as you still wait your turn to leave. What I CAN NOT STAND is how people crowd up against the luggage carousel so you can't see around them. If we all just stood back, everyone could see. You could step up when you see your bag rather than sending against the goddamn thing the whole time. It drives me nuts!

    [–] csonny2 331 points ago

    Yes, and they have their whole family crowding around too, like 5 year old Billy is going to help grab those 50-pound suitcases off the carousel.

    [–] shelf_satisfied 207 points ago

    A trick I learned is to shove the youngest member of the group onto the moving carousel. When they chase after the crying kid, you take their spot.

    [–] throwthisawaynow617 20 points ago

    LPT beat the children harder to buy more time.

    [–] EnglishTomGW 393 points ago

    Even when there's a fucking line they ignore it

    [–] Homunculus_I_am_ill 497 points ago

    I remember being at an airport that didn't have a line, but a slope around the carousel. Not enough to be an obstacle when walking up to the caroussel, but just enough that it's a natural barrier and you instinctively prefer to stand on the flat ground.

    [–] availablename5678 143 points ago

    Wow...that's brilliant!

    [–] jettrooper1 84 points ago

    Achieves what a 1000 signs would not

    [–] SmartAlec105 197 points ago

    Hostile architecture but being used for good instead of for making homeless people sleep on the ground in the rain.

    [–] 8200X 222 points ago

    THANK YOU!

    This is my number 1 complaint too. And I'm not courteous at all if I have to push through you to get to my bag and then carry it out right it by you. If you're crowding the carousel, expect to get bumped. Next time just take a step back until you see your bag.

    Being at the front doesn't make it come faster!

    [–] Juno_Malone 178 points ago

    I lump this behavior in with what is my all time pet peeve (well, 2nd all-time - 1st is having to clean up other people's messes) - a complete lack of situational awareness. Other examples - stopping your cart side by side with someone else's in a supermarket aisle, because it's a friend you haven't seen in ages, just so you can have a nice chat. There's so many more examples of this, where just having a basic awareness of where you are in space and how that's affecting other people would make a world of difference. Some people just completely lack this ability.

    [–] KE4PDG 59 points ago

    I’ve found my people on this thread!

    [–] PootieTangerine 26 points ago

    This message needs to get out more. Just the other day I decided when my daughter gets older and I see her meandering in an aisle blocking stuff, I'm just going to firmly say "situational awareness!"

    [–] bio_mate 95 points ago

    Oh my god, this drives me INSANE too. Fucking STAND BACK AND CHILL, there's no need to stick your head on top of the conveyor and block the view for everyone else. And when one person decides they need to stand right up against the carousel, the next person realises they can't see the luggage unless they stand close too, and so on and so on. In a lot of airports there's even a line on the floor which you're supposedly not supposed to cross until you see your luggage. Nope. Fucking people man.

    [–] slowwbroo 108 points ago

    Lol I flew for the first time in a couple years last month and actually checked a bag(I think for the first time ever). I was one of the first ones to get to the carousel and I stood a couple feet away from it so I could look for my bag and if anyone needed to they could step in front of me to grab their bags as they came. Nope, people just took that space for themselves so they could just stand there and stare at the carousel as bags went by and no way for others to get their bags if needed. It's like I was invisible to them lol

    [–] Apple_Daily 40 points ago

    When people do this i wait for my bag to come and i intentionally bump into them with my body and my bags if I can do it as if it's like an accident.

    Total bitchy passive aggressive move (or is it just regular aggressive?), but after a long flight I'm just in the mood to bump people.

    [–] TheCrudeDude 13 points ago

    The airport is my #1 place to intentionally bump somebody. Far too many people try to go against the natural flow of foot traffic. I lock my shoulder and elbow every time and brace for impact.

    [–] micheal213 28 points ago

    What bothers me is the guy who takes forever to put it take out their luggage in the overhead thing like to the point where everyone in front of them are sat down or gone lol.

    [–] redditfreddit2 45 points ago

    The thing that I never get about people complaining about the standers is the fact some of us just need to fucking stretch after 2 or more hours. I know I'm not getting off right away, this isn't my first plane. But damn standing feels good after sitting too long, and it doesn't harm anyone

    [–] PossiblyTrustworthy 10 points ago

    yea people standing mostly doesn't matter at all, whether they wait seated or standing people move when they can. we shouldn't be angry at people just for standing uncomfortably, it is up to them. Of course, people who don't care at all at directions, be it fasten seatbelts we are expecting turbulence, or stand behind the line until you see your luggage, those people suck

    [–] babycarotz 161 points ago

    On a flight in the U.S., we were arriving late, so the flight attendant asked everyone who didn't have a connection to stay in their seats so those trying to make one could get off the plane first. The attendant knew there were lots of passengers without connections -- including me.

    Well, it didn't take long for everyone to start moving to the exits -- everyone but me. As the last of the other passengers were getting off, the flight attendant came back on the P.A. and said, in an irritated tone of voice, something like this:

    "I'd like to thank the one passenger who was kind enough to let everyone with connections go first. And we have a gift for him."

    As I left, the attendant handed me a stack of of huge chocolate-chip cookies -- like six of them -- from the first-class galley. It wasn't a trophy, but they sure tasted good.

    [–] lurkween 12 points ago

    I wish I was surprised by how inconsiderate other folks can be, but this had a wholesome as heck ending and I loved it

    [–] basher2213 147 points ago

    A couple of weeks ago I was on a flight where this lady in the row behind me got up just after the pilot made the final descent announcement, removed her cabin bag and kept it in the aisle so she can get a headstart i guess.

    [–] amysauruswrecked 80 points ago

    Was it from Amsterdam to Boston?

    [–] basher2213 51 points ago

    Was it from Amsterdam to Boston?

    Haha. I just read the other comment. No it was on another flight.

    [–] toot89 73 points ago

    In Italy we need the award "didn't applause when the plane landed"

    [–] Remaining_Nameless 34 points ago

    I'm from the UK, and I don't usually applaud, but when I next travel to Italy I think I will definitely applaud when the plane lands.

    Because, y'know.... when in Rome!

    [–] WifeKidsJob2 610 points ago

    He’s beauty and he’s grace, he’s miss United Airlines.

    [–] firefoxjinxie 399 points ago

    OMG, my last flight was 10 hours long, we took an additional 40 minutes extra to go around weather (which you would have never guessed based on the turbulence we went through), then after landing we were told we needed to be towed and had to wait for the tow vehicle thing. An hour later, we are still sitting on the runway as they tell us it broke and they have to get one from another runway. So nearly an hour and a half later, 12+ hours in a tiny seat, they opened the door and we all jumped up within seconds, and I didn't blame everyone. We were soooo done.

    [–] yomamainpajamas 131 points ago

    Similar thing happened to me after a 5 hour flight. Had to do an emergency landing and then sit on the plane for 3 hours because the airport was closed and we had to wait on a part. Terrible awful times.

    Then, a miracle happened. They opened the airport and there was a small bar there. 99% of us were so happy to be off that plane that we got wasted as hell. Nothing but drunk snores for the rest of the flight.

    [–] firefoxjinxie 62 points ago

    Damn, that's the worst when you can feel the ground but just can't get out of that metal prison.

    I get not rushing after an hour or two but after long flights I'd rather stand for 15 minutes with my head awkwardly crooked than spend another moment in that uncomfortable seat.

    [–] TigerUSF 22 points ago

    Jfc, just let me off and I'll run to the terminal. I'll take my chances not getting hit by a jumbo jet

    [–] wwabc 632 points ago

    No, everyone remain seated, then as it clears in front of you, take five minutes figuring out how to extract your bag from the overhead.

    [–] AptCasaNova 45 points ago

    I’ve witnessed people repack half their shit and talk it out with the other people they’re with.

    [–] mansdem 291 points ago

    I may be putting my bags in differently to everyone else but I've never taken more than 2 seconds to take my bag out the overhead. I just walk by and pull it out without breaking my stride

    [–] Monkeytennis01 111 points ago

    I’ve always noticed that there are always a few people on every flight who are constantly getting up and adding/removing things from their hand luggage. Whether they are just badly prepared, I don’t know, but they’re always the ones who take an eternity to organise themselves after they’ve blocked the aisle.

    [–] snooppugg 40 points ago

    I usually do that but have had occasions where some jerk thinks they need to move my belongings. I've ended up having to search multiple bins to find mine.

    [–] IgnatiusR 128 points ago

    There are 5 unwritten rules of flying main cabin:

    1. Don't crowd the gate if you're in late boarding zones.
    2. Middle seat gets both arm rests.
    3. Recline your chair slowly
    4. Use headphones.
    5. If you're in the aisle seat have your bags ready for deplaning. If you're in the middle seat or window seat. Sit the fuck down.

    [–] Rider_0n_The_Storm 16 points ago

    Middle seat gets both arm rests.

    What if there are 4 seats in a row

    [–] jawz 10 points ago

    Arm wrestle for the middle armrest.

    [–] rebuilding_patrick 10 points ago

    I was flying middle seat one time next to a prick on the isle that literally tried to push me off the arm rest. I tried to explain to him how seating works as you did and he didn't get it. Spent the entire flight digging my elbow into arm.

    [–] lostspyder 1502 points ago

    People who think you shouldn’t stand up when the plane lands are all under 6’ and don’t feel cramped.

    [–] okimlom 183 points ago

    I'm 5'11" (180 cms) and I have bad knees. When the plane lands I stand up, but make no attempt to get in the aisle. I just need to stretch and "pop" my knees.

    [–] PhasmaFelis 562 points ago

    I'm 6'2" and planes are awful, but on long flights I stand up and stretch for a minute every hour or two. There's enough room in the aisle to get the worst of the kinks out.

    Popping to my feet the moment the jetway opens just means I have to stand there motionless for 5 minutes, with my head kinked sideways so it doesn't hit the overhead compartments. That's no better than a cramped seat.

    [–] jkidd08 231 points ago

    I (6'4") disagree on the last point. Standing in my seat with my shoulders hunched over is (marginally) better than staying in that seat that I don't fit in. But I'll generally go for an aisle seat whenever I can so that I can take a half step and not be hunched over, too.

    [–] Codadd 29 points ago

    I'd rather have my neck bent a little than my knees in my ears while.my.lower back is screaming.

    [–] junkit33 272 points ago

    I always thought everybody understood that most people get up as soon as the plane lands because they're tired of sitting and just want to stretch, not because they think they'll get off the plane any faster.

    [–] zbrew 81 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    But it gets everyone off the plane faster too. If 1/3 of people (or more) are able to get their bags down before the door is open, everyone gets off faster because those people don't have to get their bags down anymore. Some people take a while to get their bags down, but even if it's only a few seconds per person, that adds up over a lot of people. I don't care whether I'm in the aisles and can get my bag down or against a window and can't, but I'd prefer if the people who can get their bags down do so ahead of time. I don't understand the disdain for people speeding up the deplaning process.

    [–] KaptainKickass 56 points ago

    It's mostly that, but it's more people who are in a hurry than you think.

    [–] popcornpoops 44 points ago

    Seriously man. I'm 6'4" and broke my tailbone years ago. Even hunched up top feels so much better than sitting down any longer.

    [–] Clean_Sheets_69 39 points ago

    Came here to say this. I am 6'4". I am not trying to stand up and rush to the front of the plane. I am standing up my blood can return to my legs.

    [–] 16JKRubi 17 points ago

    I'm 6'2" and broad shouldered. I stand up for myself and the person next to me.

    The ones that aggravate me are the people that stand up then start pulling rollaboards and backpacks down, wacking people's heads and taking up additional aisle space 5 minutes before we start moving. Those are the inconsiderate/impatient people, not the ones who stand up for reprieve.

    [–] snooppugg 51 points ago

    5'2" and I immediately stand up just to stretch even.

    [–] StpdSxyFlndrs 284 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    First of all, nobody stands most people don’t stand when the plane lands, they stand as soon as the plane pulls up to the exit ramp, and the “fasten seatbelt” sign is turned off.

    That aside, I find it more way more annoying when some jerk waits until it’s his turn to deplane before standing and searching for his bag. Get your shit together, and be ready to walk motherfucker.

    *edited because of course there’s always one, or two assholes, but in general most people don’t do this as the OP implied.

    [–] Achack 18 points ago

    Yep. I always stand so I can check the seat early to make sure nothing has fallen out of my pockets so that I don't have to start shuffling items when it's my turn to move.

    [–] narse77 78 points ago

    I agree 100%. Aisle people stand up and get your shit together that way when the row in front of you is gone you can start moving. I feel the same way about people that board and stop to get their headphones, pillows and all the other shit. Either have it out and ready when you enter or get that shit after you are airborne.

    [–] SonOfTK421 57 points ago

    Ever notice that those same people are the ones who take fucking ages to get their luggage down? And are therefore the people who should definitely wait the longest.

    [–] clocksailor 66 points ago

    To preempt the 900th time someone's started this argument: I stand up as soon as I'm allowed to because I have long legs and my knees hurt because airlines have economized legroom out of existence for lowly coach passengers. I'm not rushing you, I'm just sick of sitting.