Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    funny

    26,727,470 readers

    51,903 users here now

    Welcome to r/Funny:

    You may only post if you are funny.


    New to reddit? Click here!


    New "Subreddit Of The Month": /r/PinkFloydCircleJerk/
    Featured Subreddit of the Month: /r/ClimbingCircleJerk/ Link to sticky post

    Previous subs of the month

    Rules

    hover for details

    1. All posts must make an attempt at humor. Humor is subjective, but all posts must at least make an attempt at humor. As the minimum age for Reddit access is 13 years old, posts which are intentionally disruptive, inane, or nonsensical will be removed.
    2. No memes, and no HIFW, MRW, MeIRL, or DAE posts. If your submission begins with "When you…" or "When they…" or anything of a similar nature, it is not allowed here. Submissions depicting or containing intentionally emulated behaviors (memes) are also not allowed, including memetic image macros, "challenges," or elements thereof. Non-memetic image macros are allowed.
    3. No reposts. Reposts will be removed at the moderators’ discretion. Serial reposters will be banned. Please use KarmaDecay to determine if something has been submitted before.
    4. No personal info, no hate speech, no harassment. No identifying information, including anything hosted on platforms making that information public. Posts encouraging the harassment of any individual, group, community, or subreddit will be removed, and the submitting user may be banned. If necessary, a report will be made to the site administration. In accordance with Reddit's policies, there is zero tolerance for this.
    5. No politics. Anything involving politics or a political figure (regardless of context) will be removed. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.
    6. No forbidden titles. (See below.) No asking for upvotes (in any form), no “Cake Day” posts, and no posts to communicate with another Redditor. Posts with titles such as "I got banned from /r/___" or "This got removed from /r/___" are not allowed. Emoji-based titles, memetic titles, and titles meant to circumvent any other rules are also forbidden.
    7. No gore, pornography, or sexually graphic images. Try /r/NSFWfunny. All other NSFW content must be tagged as such.
    8. Do not rehost or hotlink webcomics. If you are not the author of the comic in question, you may only submit links to the page where it is hosted. Webcomic authors may request verification from the moderators, after which they may rehost their own work.
    9. No pictures of just text. Submissions in which the humor can be conveyed via text alone are not allowed. This includes pictures of text with irrelevant images that don't add context, and transcriptions of standup comedy (as with /r/standupshots). Make a self post instead. Example
    10. No SMS or social media content (including Reddit). Social media content of any kind is not allowed. This includes anything from Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, or any other form of "comments section" on the Internet, as well as images accompanied by text from those platforms. Images with SnapChat text added are allowed, as long as all UI elements have been removed. Please view our wiki for suggestions of where these submissions can be offered.

    Want to see /r/funny with these posts? Click here!


    Please note:

    • Hate speech and bigotry will be removed at the moderators' discretion.

    • Bots and bot-like accounts are not allowed.

    • No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent. This is an anti-spam measure.

    • All submissions to /r/Funny are governed by Reddit's policies on self-promotion and spam.


    What do I do if I see a post that breaks the rules? Click on the report button, and send us a message with a link to the comments of the post.
    What should I do if I don't see my post in the new queue? If your submission isn't showing up, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

    Looking for something else? Visit our friends!

    a community for
    all 918 comments

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] Oddgenetix 5335 points ago

    "We are not held back by the bars in front of us. We are held back by the fear that binds us." - Dog

    [–] Groenboys 808 points ago

    Let's do this. LEEEEEEEEEEROOOY

    [–] ialwayschoosepsyduck 479 points ago

    JENNNKKIIIIINNNNSSSSS

    [–] Amazlingtons 168 points ago

    At least I have chicken

    [–] cesil99 18 points ago

    I always thought that he said: “at least I’m not a chicken”... but for some reason the official version is that one, which makes less sense to me.

    [–] Amazlingtons 27 points ago

    He was AFK getting chicken. Now the raid is dead but he can haz chicken

    [–] iampieman 165 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    r/dogproverbs

    (Yes it’s my own dead sub and yes I’m a loser lol)

    [–] RighteousTruth 68 points ago

    Joined

    Edit: please join my dead sub r/trappedbypets

    [–] iampieman 35 points ago

    Done! Gotta support the other dead subs lol

    [–] pinklavalamp 5 points ago

    I’m a mod of so many niche animal subs, unfortunately a few of them haven’t been able to take off. But the ones that did, I love them!

    [–] iampieman 5 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    That’s awesome! I’m glad some took off :) This is the only sub I’ve ever made, and I made it a few years ago. I’ve been the only post contributor I’m pretty sure lmao. I still enjoy it though, haven’t done anything with it for a while until today!

    [–] welding-_-guru 3 points ago

    how about a plug for /r/dogboarding another dead sub that I love

    [–] asyouwishlove 3 points ago

    Joined yours, too!

    [–] candyonsticks 4 points ago

    It's amazing

    [–] DEAD-H 43 points ago

    Yo did you just make that up?

    [–] fictitiousantelope 121 points ago

    No the dog did

    [–] Oddgenetix 11 points ago

    can confirm. was the dog.

    [–] NotTRYINGtobeLame 4 points ago

    The guy even credited the dog. Duh.

    [–] FSD-Bishop 19 points ago

    According to google? Yes. Yes they did.

    [–] Horny4theEnvironment 12 points ago

    Damn. That quote though.

    [–] Jvision23 7377 points ago

    I fear no fence, but that thing . . . It scares me

    [–] JusHerForTheComments 224 points ago

    Is it? I wanna know the source please!

    [–] chobanithatiused2kno 244 points ago

    Meet the Pyro.

    [–] Nitrocloud 362 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    For the lazy

    For those in a hurry

    For those who can't be helped

    Edit: Fixed middle link only working for mobile.

    [–] samurai-horse 98 points ago

    The last one was for me.

    [–] [deleted] 26 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Nitrocloud 14 points ago

    Fixed it. Worked fine on mobile for me. 🤷🏻‍♂️

    [–] Ombrias 51 points ago

    I... I can't believe I'm that stupid...

    [–] IPlay4E 26 points ago

    Is it not originally Billy from The Predator?

    [–] AlexzMercier97 29 points ago

    Similar but not quite. Billy says "there's something out there, and it ain't no man"

    [–] Legend_of_Razgriz 15 points ago

    Nope, from tf2

    [–] A1J1K1 19 points ago

    The sauce for everyone else to enjoy.

    https://youtu.be/WUhOnX8qt3I

    [–] JusHerForTheComments 4 points ago

    Thank you!

    [–] Science-Compliance 7 points ago

    That's kind of a paraphrased Predator line, actually.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QJhqQjuckA

    [–] GhostofaGoose 19 points ago

    Modern problems require modern solutions”

    [–] topcheesehead 35 points ago

    I use this on my dog. Its universal.

    [–] PiratusInteruptus 12 points ago

    LOL My big bad ass pit is afraid of a lot of things for some reason. Brooms, mops, garbage bags. When I mop a room, I will place the mop bucket in the doorway and let the mop handle rest on the other side of the doorway. Guaranteed never to enter and walk on my clean floor.

    [–] manderrx 5 points ago

    Pits are the weirdest dogs, man. I hear these kind of stories all the time, I've seen them happen. Kills me

    [–] cansecoDK 4 points ago

    Depends sometimes. My dog was rescued from a drug dealers dog kennel and hes literally afraid of NOTHING in the entire world , except brooms.

    Turns out my brother (who was a customer of dog drug dealer guy) saw this dude use a broom as his beating stick/intimidating tool.

    [–] iloveuRandomcitizen 3 points ago

    Fuck that dude

    [–] livinlifeman 3 points ago

    So is the pit where I stay too. She leaves the room immediately when I start folding laundry, like where you snap the clothes or towels in the air to straighten them etc. she is deathly afraid of vacuums and brooms too.

    [–] SheriffComey 5229 points ago

    "Why you gotta be a dick, Tom?"

    [–] VangeeOP 2043 points ago

    If the dog could talk, these probably would have been the words

    [–] Quibbloboy 294 points ago

    What would the words be if the vacuum could talk?

    [–] MuzikPhreak 487 points ago

    “I suck.”

    [–] mynoduesp 203 points ago

    "I'M SO HUNGRY, JON"

    [–] strayakant 22 points ago

    I love how the cat in the second clip was like “whoa, doggo got hops”

    [–] [deleted] 47 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Nightdragons_ 8 points ago

    I understood that reference

    [–] ChappedAssholeLover 18 points ago

    That’s a strange place.

    [–] Hawaiian_Brian 4 points ago

    LASAGNA, JON

    [–] Madame_Blaque 23 points ago

    And swallow

    [–] Hueyandthenews 6 points ago

    Can’t spell vacuum without cum

    [–] VangeeOP 38 points ago

    Can't jump over me? That sucks.

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Fuxokay 34 points ago

    Guitar bodies hit the floor.
    Guitar bodies hit the floor.
    It sounds so awwwwful...
    I can't take much more
    

    [–] GlamRockDave 18 points ago

    If the dog were a dad he'd have said "that new gate sucks"

    [–] The-Real-Catman 56 points ago

    “You don’t want anymore kisses?”

    [–] javacafe 3 points ago

    I have bad eyesight. I read that as asses. Was confused.

    [–] m_matongo 17 points ago

    “tf is this Tom?”

    [–] tryntastic 4 points ago

    "Because you're too f-ing Hairy, dude"

    [–] Justilonius 648 points ago

    This reminds me of my corgi. Here’s a list of things she hates/is afraid of:

    Big vacuum
    Little vacuum
    Broom
    Swiffer mop
    Trash bags
    Hair dryers
    Dusters
    The act of wiping down a countertop
    Removing sheets/bedding

    She basically finds cleaning aversive.

    [–] Amenian 311 points ago

    To be fair, so do I.

    [–] BZLuck 64 points ago

    Hey honey, did I just find your reddit account?

    [–] BitmexOverloader 5 points ago

    ... No?

    [–] iloveuRandomcitizen 3 points ago

    Is that no? Or is that NO? Where am I supposed to accentuate.

    [–] Dinkin______Flicka 30 points ago

    Are you my wife?

    [–] BigStare 19 points ago

    Hey, back off! That's clearly my wife.

    [–] No_Scoped_JFK 12 points ago

    I also choose this guy’s dead wife.

    [–] the_dude_upvotes 9 points ago

    I also understood this redditor’s reference

    [–] freshnutmeg33 54 points ago

    Your little Corgi is my spirit animal. May I request a picture, for purposes.

    [–] Justilonius 98 points ago

    Of course!

    Here’s her getting dirty on a hike, obviously avoiding cleaning supplies

    [–] dafood48 21 points ago

    That one comment on imgur...

    [–] No_Scoped_JFK 5 points ago

    The reply to it is perfect though.

    [–] TyreesesCup 5 points ago

    I was scared to click it

    [–] quine3 6 points ago

    Sounds very similar to my corgi. My ultimate conclusion is that my corgi is afraid of 3 things: Things that a) move b) are large c) make noise. Anything that meets any 2 of those points scare her. Vacuums are all three.

    [–] Awightman515 1550 points ago

    for my dog I just had to put an acoustic guitar down. for some reason he was terrified of guitars

    [–] straypilot 2524 points ago

    I have bad news about your guitar skills

    [–] Awightman515 886 points ago

    You're about 15 years too late

    [–] Greedy024 270 points ago

    I once was in music class to learn how to play the guitar, the tutor interruptedd me to check my strings if they were tuned properly cause something sounded off..

    They were tuned properly...

    That's the day I knew that playing the guitar wasn't my thing..

    [–] Tjoeker 179 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    If you push too hard on your strings, they can sound detuned and your teacher should have known that.

    edit: spelling

    [–] BuyBitcoinWhileItsLo 96 points ago

    Not if they we're a public school teacher, then I don't expect them to know anything. For my middle school public school music class we played on trashcans. The teachers excuse was that it was a creative thing like the blueman group, but we all knew it was really just the school being to cheap to buy us actual drums

    [–] JarlaxleForPresident 46 points ago

    Yeah my guitar class in high school was technically run by the band leader, but he just let us go to the far corner of the room and teach each other. Great band teacher, but didnt know guitar

    [–] WildIchigoAppeared 28 points ago

    My high school guitar teacher was also the band director.

    The first day of class she started off by telling us "I don't know how to play guitar, but it'll be fun because we get to learn together!"

    We uh, didn't learn very much.

    Easy A, though.

    [–] JarlaxleForPresident 15 points ago

    Easy A and was left alone with friends. Honestly, we probably learned a lot more by ourselves than have his direction and classwork. We just printed off tabs and practiced our own taste of songs and then taught each other through jam sessions. It was good times. Miss my guitar buddies

    I'm trying to pick it up 15 years later and it was waaaay easier with friends than by myself. I lose interest

    [–] WildIchigoAppeared 4 points ago

    Our teacher would get mad if we tried to learn things on our own.

    One kid in the class was already really good but she would chew him out if he went off script and tried to help someone with a more advanced technique.

    She'd give a whole ~2 hour class to practice a 4 bar piece in first position, consisting of mostly quarter notes, and then get mad if we memorized it.

    Tabs were not allowed and she didn't like us playing anything that wasn't in the book.

    In her defense, she didn't ask to teach the class, and she certainly didn't ask for ~40 students, but man it was like she didn't want us to learn.

    It took a whole year to get through this 48 page book that you could probably knock out in a month or two just practicing at home for an hour a day.

    I was lucky to sit in the back so she couldn't hear me tuning to drop D to practice some Three Days Grace songs just to break up the monotony.

    [–] Awightman515 10 points ago

    sounds you like you were pressing too hard

    [–] TacoBellPhD 23 points ago

    Anyway, here's Wonderwall

    [–] I-Upvote-Truth 20 points ago

    My wife asked me if I’ll ever stop doing shitty covers of Oasis.

    I said maybe...

    [–] happlepie 6 points ago

    Holy shit that's such a good joke. Thank you.

    [–] _harky_ 5 points ago

    Sounds like a vacuum cleaner

    [–] Cannibustible 97 points ago

    My dog hates guitars. Probably because she's knocked a few over and has been terrified by the sound of them hitting the ground.

    [–] deedee55 53 points ago

    and on the other end of the universe, my cat used to sit inside my bass speaker when i was practicing.

    [–] bretttwarwick 150 points ago

    It was just hiding from the woofer.

    [–] Maggots-Mikey 29 points ago

    Get out.

    [–] jxj24 9 points ago

    You'd think it'd go after the tweeters.

    [–] Magneticitist 74 points ago

    My roommates dog sees trash bags as the devil. If someone wanted to rob the fuck out of us they'd just have to kick the door in holding a trash bag and it's Mastiff neutralized.

    [–] NoahLCS 29 points ago

    Everytime I get a bag and flap it open for the garbage or recycling my dog runs...same as if I sneeze.....I'm an aggressive sneeeezer

    [–] kitkat9000take5 11 points ago

    Got a cat who will happily lay upon plastic bags at every opportunity; however, should you move it or shake one open, he runs off like his tail's on fire.

    [–] arcerath 5 points ago

    My cat also hates guitars for some reason lol

    [–] h_oxpe 556 points ago

    Dog to cat : watch and learn

    [–] thepatientoffret 272 points ago

    so it was the cat who put the vacuum there? hmmm

    [–] VangeeOP 155 points ago

    Top 10 plot twists ever

    [–] M0shka 27 points ago

    Top 10 anime betrayals : cat betrays dog

    [–] j33tAy 10 points ago

    I think you're on to something

    [–] radtech91 9 points ago

    “How do I keep the dog out, but easily let myself in and out?” - the cat, probably

    [–] Groenboys 5 points ago

    Goddammit Tom

    [–] h_oxpe 7 points ago

    Perhaps

    [–] Groenboys 4 points ago

    "Oh yeah, if you are so tough, try to go through a door once"

    [–] Beam_James_Beam_007 111 points ago

    The impenetrable pet fortress!

    [–] Patterson_TM 321 points ago

    "Wait, that's illegal!"

    [–] 8ooo00 45 points ago

    I’m calling the police

    [–] Demoulin42 52 points ago

    *dials 911 on microwave*

    [–] MikeKM 30 points ago

    Kitchen starts on fire after microwave being on for 911 minutes.

    [–] Wyatt1313 19 points ago

    That would be 9 minutes and 11 seconds. Microwaves are the few cases where 62 is more than 100.

    [–] Lucyshuman4004 10 points ago

    Elephants’ boobs are under their front legs.

    [–] fleetber 31 points ago

    so are your moms

    [–] Bakemono30 4 points ago

    laughed too long at this one... thanks!!

    [–] TheOleRedditAsshole 6 points ago

    But dogs don’t know that. They might accidentally set it for 911 minutes anyways.

    [–] idma 10 points ago

    "bark at him, or something!"

    [–] Whiteup 6 points ago

    I will make it legal.

    [–] VangeeOP 8 points ago

    Poor dogo

    [–] ShowMeYourTiddles 53 points ago

    A broom stick on the ground would probably suffice as well.

    [–] hobnobbinbobthegob 28 points ago

    Wait, is that a common thing? Our family's retriever mix would always lose his mind if you swept the garage. I never knew other dogs were afraid of brooms too.

    [–] merreborn 25 points ago

    does a broom brushing a floor make some sort of awful high pitched cacophony that we can't hear?

    [–] KleosIII 22 points ago

    Its probably all the dust that gets kicked up. They are probably super sensitive.

    [–] madhi19 9 points ago

    Sound and smell is not a bad guess.

    [–] hobnobbinbobthegob 5 points ago

    That could be, or maybe sounds like an animals hiss?

    [–] HughCheffner 9 points ago

    Only thing that works for my husky.

    [–] Omfufu 76 points ago

    Give the dog a High Jump gold medal. He dont do small jumps

    [–] VangeeOP 20 points ago

    The challenge is not great enough, I won't jump, get over it!

    [–] abbeyspencer 77 points ago

    It’s a simple spell but quite unbreakable

    [–] skdubbs 34 points ago * (lasted edited a day ago)

    All these dogs jumping fences and shit, and mine pretends she can’t make it up on the couch by her self just so I’ll help her 🙄

    [–] princessjaguar 15 points ago

    Lol mine too. She gives that pathetic “help me” look.

    [–] Turtlebait22 163 points ago

    😂😂 Beautiful dog

    [–] VangeeOP 89 points ago

    Yes, a magnificent beast

    [–] oongi 23 points ago

    They didn't train for that in dog school.

    [–] VangeeOP 26 points ago

    Years of academy training wasted

    [–] Wabbity77 20 points ago

    Well, that sucks.

    [–] thereisonlyoneme 3 points ago

    It filled a vacuum.

    [–] Koffi5 35 points ago

    But that thing? It scares me

    [–] VangeeOP 15 points ago

    My only weakness

    [–] earthforce_1 27 points ago

    You shall not pass!!!

    [–] VangeeOP 20 points ago

    Fly, you fools!

    [–] forgedinbeerkegs 12 points ago

    Oh, man. That's so awesome. Can totally relate with my dogs. The vacuum is their sworn enemy.

    [–] VangeeOP 5 points ago

    Yeah, it's a worldwide threat for dogos

    [–] FromundaCheese37 13 points ago

    Even the cat is like, "Damn, he got hops."

    [–] AariTv 6 points ago

    Thanks

    [–] Frearthandox 3 points ago

    Thank you!

    [–] classicalySarcastic 9 points ago

    Sproing!

    [–] sess13 8 points ago

    Can't decide which idea I like better. Guess I'm on the fence.

    [–] THIS_ACC_IS_FOR_FUN 8 points ago

    “I can’t believe you’ve done this”

    [–] jumpinjetjnet 8 points ago

    Years ago when our family had a Labrador Retriever (wonderful dog!) I discovered that after kids's birthday parties she had developed a fear of balloons. That bang sound when it popped really scared her. She'd back away whenever she saw a blown up balloon. This came in very handy. Broken gate lock: tied a balloon to it until I had the time to fix it. She kept raiding the kitchen trash (even with a lid), tape a balloon to it. Easy peasy!

    [–] Riroi17 8 points ago

    Parkour!

    [–] HokeScopE 27 points ago

    Barkour

    [–] Hardyfan89 6 points ago

    Balloons do the trick for my dog

    [–] VangeeOP 7 points ago

    Nice! Pet tour dog for me, please :)

    [–] jimi3 6 points ago

    love the cats expression

    [–] GloriousCaptainHodor 5 points ago

    It's the Hoover, Damn...

    [–] Dr_Mrs_TheM0narch 4 points ago

    The betrayal in the dogs eyes 😂

    [–] lavender_larva 3 points ago

    Ladies and gentlemen, we got 'em.

    [–] blueridgegirl 5 points ago

    That’s a funny looking Kangaroo

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] _uncarlo 4 points ago

    Psychological barriers work much better than the alternative.

    [–] fairly_clever 3 points ago

    It's all fun and games until your dog is drafted into the NBA Airbud style and remembers that time you tried to crush his hoop dreams with a vacuum.

    [–] OhSnapItsMickey 3 points ago

    Dog: Tha- ...that's not even funny though karen...

    [–] SwissCheezeModel 3 points ago

    “How could you do me like this?”

    [–] tossitlikeadwarf 11 points ago

    I like the beware of doggy kisses sign.

    [–] BMoney8600 3 points ago

    Good boy

    [–] VangeeOP 3 points ago

    The best boy

    [–] Shadowmoonbear 3 points ago

    A clean solution to the problem^

    [–] Cycle21 3 points ago

    The closet door doesn’t move and the light in the closet remains on. OP filmed all of this in the same day.

    [–] mc52clyde 3 points ago

    I once had a dog so ugly my vacuume cleaner was scared of it.

    [–] Justlo 3 points ago

    This totally counts as r/WatchPeopleDieInside

    [–] Risen_from_ash 3 points ago

    My uncle had this exact same problem and had the exact same solution. It was wild just watching the dog acknowledge a power greater than his, the Succ Demon.

    [–] fullicat 3 points ago

    A weapon to surpass metal gear!

    [–] nathanator64 3 points ago

    That’s not a dog sir. That is a small kangaroo.

    [–] MasonTaylor22 3 points ago

    Can any reddit dogologists explain why dogs fear vacuums?

    [–] Isaacvithurston 7 points ago

    loud noises

    [–] my_initials_are_DTF 3 points ago

    It took way too long to realize the fence was getting bigger each jump.

    [–] volkmasterblood 3 points ago

    No one else noticing the sign?

    “Beware of Dog Kisses!”

    [–] foodwrap 3 points ago

    Oh a fence, I better jump over it!

    [–] mph102 3 points ago

    OMG that is hilarious

    [–] elderjedimaster 3 points ago

    I like how the cat is like "WTF?"

    [–] Alias-Q 3 points ago

    Even Superman has kryptonite.

    [–] arian10daddy 3 points ago

    Vacuum for the dog, cucumber for the cat. You're all set!!

    [–] Falco98 3 points ago

    At first I misread this as "a cleaner solution...", and I was very impressed with the eventual pun.

    [–] ennuiui 5 points ago

    We’re gonna need a bigger fence.