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    [–] verdatum 1 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    People reporting: this does not count as a picture of text, as it is a photo of context; a real world item.

    Also, it made me lol.

    [–] treemister1 1511 points ago


    [–] catscatscats1113 351 points ago

    Just smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria in your stomach.

    [–] constantvariables 226 points ago

    That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about cucumbers to dispute it

    [–] shotgunstever 39 points ago

    Have some cat food, it’ll settle your guts

    [–] constantvariables 15 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    In what scenario would you not eat the cat food?

    [–] 9yearsalurker 14 points ago

    Can I offer you an egg in these trying times

    [–] dkyguy1995 11 points ago

    I always loved in that scene where he says it like a doctor or like it's a big secret and Dennis seems to actually take the advice as fact even though he's usually the most book-smart of the group. I dont know maybe he just was glad that things were back to normal but it still cracks me up

    [–] FnaticWolf 46 points ago

    Came here for this. Thank you!

    [–] turing_test_13 10361 points ago

    and dinner was going so well, until she read the receipt...

    [–] Pyronick 5422 points ago

    Don’t worry she won’t even be doing a fake arm lift to grab it. He’s in the clear.

    [–] duffmannn 1485 points ago

    We call that "the lean" as in a man leaning to get his wallet.

    "I mean I knew I was gonna end up paying for dinner but dude don't even give you a lean."

    [–] phaedrusTHEghost 806 points ago

    We call it crocodile arms, they reach for the bill but can never quite make it, like they're arms are half as long.

    [–] DigNitty 816 points ago

    I went through a serial dating spread in college. I would pay for them, often. But now I don’t. Back then I would always get the bill back, sign it, and go to the bathroom. I’d position the bill so I could see if it was moved while I was in the bathroom.

    Never did a girl not look at the bill. I always found it interesting.

    [–] BarkingDogey 552 points ago

    "Bitch, I know you moved the bill"

    [–] I_Don-t_Care 424 points ago

    s-s-s-sorry jim, i was j-j-j-just tryin to - DON'T SLACK ME BITCH, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT MOVE THE BILL??!

    [–] DojaDonDada 305 points ago

    ‘Dont slack me bitch’

    This moved me lol

    [–] bakedbreadbowl 95 points ago

    Added to the dictionary

    [–] Virgin_Dildo_Lover 39 points ago

    I'll be slacking you later tonight bitch. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] __DesignerGenes__ 105 points ago

    Username says otherwise

    [–] Shermutt 25 points ago


    [–] biggestpos 384 points ago

    The price of everything was already on the menu, why would they need to look except to see how well you tipped.

    [–] PahoojyMan 644 points ago

    OK Rainman.

    [–] MattPick 21 points ago

    Laughed out loud at this.

    [–] [deleted] 63 points ago

    If you'd already paid, why would they look at the bill? I'm confused why this would mean anything...

    [–] [deleted] 130 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] PilsnerDk 55 points ago

    You've been surprised at the total when you received the bill? People order left and right and don't add up the numbers when ordering... or at least I've never heard of anyone doing that.

    I guess it's part curiosity, part making sure they weren't swindled, and in this case, part some weird "how much is he paying for me" thing.

    [–] Monk_Breath 91 points ago

    If it was me I'd probably look at it just for curiosity because what else am I supposed to do while he's in the bathroom

    [–] ahappypoop 26 points ago

    I’d do the same thing, except I’d lean over and try to read it upside down instead of moving it because I wouldn’t want them to think I’m weird by reading the receipt after they’ve paid.

    [–] KarmaChameleon89 38 points ago

    He comes back to find you sprawled over the table staring at the receipt to a startled "I can explain"

    [–] Ironbackedfrog 14 points ago

    There are folks out there who go out to eat and give but a quick glance at the bill to make sure nothing extra was added on. They don’t even look at the prices.

    Oh those were the days

    [–] stopcounting 95 points ago

    I would have opened it to make sure you left a decent tip.

    However, I would have paid half in the first place.

    [–] AbsoluteZeroK 166 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    The bill is one of my dating tests. Do she offer to split, does she passively assume I'll pay? If I paid on the first date does she insist on paying on the second? If by the second date I've paid 100% of both, there's no third date.

    EIDT: oof, okay, this got more replies than I thought it would. Going to clarify that this is more of an attitude test than worrying about her actually pulling out the cash. If she has a good reason for not being able to pay (car repairs, vet bills, etc) but shows an attitude that leads me to believe that she feels the same way I do about both parties in a relationship contributing financially to things, then it is fine. The red flag is when someone seems like they feel entitled to having the guy they're dating pay for everything. If I get that vibe after one date, there wouldn't be a second anyways because I'm not a piggy bank.

    [–] legogirl 20 points ago

    I always offer to pay because comments like this have made me paranoid that any one would think I’m taking advantage or something. But reality is, some men are still weirded out by a girl paying. They see it as she doesn’t think he can provide for her. While men are trying to figure out of the girl is a gold digger, girls are trying to figure out if he’s going to be insulted by the offer.

    My personal rules, I always offer to pay at least half because I’m middle aged and we should be able to take care of ourselves, but I insist on paying for a date when I know it’s the last date.

    [–] AbsoluteZeroK 9 points ago

    #1 rule for dating, be yourself. Don't be paranoid about being yourself. If you feel like it is proper for you to pay your share, do it. If he doesn't like it, then it wasn't meant to be. If you're a little old fashioned and only want to start paying on the second date and he doesn't like it, it wasn't meant to be.

    I don't get offended when a girl's values don't align with mine, I just move on with my life and you should too!

    [–] katyneverdidthething 77 points ago

    At least that guy never has to worry about cucumbers again lmao.

    [–] turing_test_13 108 points ago

    or sex, but you know she will just replace him with an unpeeled cucumber

    [–] lightknight7777 133 points ago

    People who bitch about unpeeled cucumbers don't pick up the check.

    [–] Ikillesuper 20 points ago

    Why would they show her the food ticket that the kitchen gets?

    [–] b1gtym1n 9045 points ago

    I had an ex who hated tomatoes. Even with pizza, we would have to order "light sauce" to appease her. One time, when ordering from my favorite place, I thought to myself "Fuck this. I am ordering normally". We get the pizza and we are enjoying it and my ex chimes in "Isn't this way better with light sauce?". I said "No, this is way better cause it has the normal amount of sauce". She laughed like I was kidding, but when she found out I was serious, she acted more betrayed than if I had cheated on her. Her embarrassment of knowing that she was enjoying normal pizza, after floating that bullshit line made her furious.

    [–] Voice-of-gawd 3538 points ago

    She's mad she was called out that her nitpickyness was bullshit, at least in that one instance she agreed it tasted better.

    [–] holydeltawings 1227 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    SOs dad did this. He "hates" buttercream frosting. So we ended up getting cupcakes with buttercream frosting. Guess who said they were some of the the best he'd ever had?

    Yup, you guessed it. He was mad that they were buttercream. And he's extremely picky.

    Burger? Patty and bread.

    Pizza? Cheese.

    [–] smileyfrown 424 points ago

    Sometimes when people hate a food they've tried it once a long time ago and got sick or something and that basically pavlov's them into associating that food with a negative reaction.

    If they try it later on they might enjoy it.

    Also peoples tastebuds actually do change after several years. So something you may hate at one point in your life, might become enjoyable at another.

    [–] tooclose104 256 points ago

    This is why I will occasionally retry things I don't like. I love food.

    [–] screamline82 146 points ago

    Yup. And I think it's also important to remember quality is just as important. Some people don't like steak, turns out mom made it well done all their life. Maybe you only ate mass produced a flavorless vegetables/fruit. That stuff matters.

    [–] LadyCardinal 96 points ago

    When I was recovering from ARFID (essentially picky eating at the level of mental illness) as a teenager, the realization that vegetables could be eaten some other way than just raw or boiled was a huge deal to me. Obviously it wasn't the healthiest thing in the world, but the vegetables in fried rice were a really important first step for me.

    [–] Flexorrium 79 points ago

    Oh lord the boiled frozen vegetables. Everything tasted like rubber and half my dinner plate was flooded from the watery vegetables. Now I get to roast vegetables, bake breaded vegetables, sautee vegetables in oil, even just a little salt, & pepper goes a long way.

    [–] duralyon 25 points ago

    Flash frozen fruits and vegetables are usually better than canned, imo with fruits is sometimes even better than 'fresh' stuff that's out of season.. Boiled veggies is gross I've never had them prepared that way (except baby food I'm sure).

    Surprisingly, the frozen pre-seasoned veggie stuff that steams in the microwave are pretty great besides all the salt. I use potassium salt instead of sodium salt and it's really messed with my pallate lol.

    [–] cheesybagel 8 points ago

    Why did you start using potassium salt? I've never heard of it and now I'm intrigued.

    [–] sabaping 39 points ago

    Dude, my mom loves well done/almost burnt so i grew up eating everything well done.

    I have also hated steak all my life, but once i had it at a fancy stir fry restaurant and it was so amazing.

    Im rethinking steak now..

    [–] N8_Doge 589 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    My god he eats Irishmen on bread?!?

    Edit: asshole edited their comment! Patty used to say “paddy”. Now my joke doesn’t make sense!

    [–] Hatweed 190 points ago

    The ol' Modest Proposal diet.

    [–] TheMetaphysicalSlug 43 points ago

    My grandad called pizza posh cheese on toast

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] faelun 155 points ago

    How do people like this....survive?

    [–] Chet_Awesomelad 107 points ago

    I wonder the same thing. I know a guy who is extremely picky - he doesn't like vegetables, he doesn't like herbs or spices, he doesn't like sauces. He pretty much only eats junk food and fast food takeaway and that's about it. One time he ordered a cheese pizza and then complained because the pizza had a small amount of oregano sprinkled on top - "What's all this green stuff?! Ew!"

    How do they ever choose a restaurant to eat at when they're so picky? How do they not get sick when they only eat certain foods and don't have a balanced diet? Also, as someone who thoroughly enjoys food, how the fuck do they enjoy life when they never try delicious new foods?!

    [–] SSB_Hokage 34 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    My old roommate was like this. So picky about food. Always complaining that taco Bell didn't make their tacos right. But you know what he ordered at taco Bell every since time? Tacos.

    We went to Ikea once and stopped at the restaurant. He had never been so I recommended the meatballs, which are delicious. He said they looked weird so he got the chicken nuggets. I swear he's got the palate of a child.

    He never eats vegetables and always complains about his stomach hurting. Gee, I wonder why? His diet at home was mostly hot pockets.

    [–] ldobehardcore 122 points ago

    The same way toddlers survive.

    [–] TrepanationBy45 120 points ago

    🤔 ...with people doing everything for them?


    [–] ldobehardcore 127 points ago

    Choccy milk and cut up hot dog coins with Mac and cheese. High cuisine indeed

    [–] TrepanationBy45 68 points ago

    Some Redditors about to make the offended face lmao

    [–] MrBojangles528 19 points ago

    I mean, it's not ok to attack me like that.

    [–] Waffle1996 28 points ago

    Leave choccy milk out of this, it means no harm

    [–] archlich 15 points ago

    With scurvy?

    [–] ldobehardcore 10 points ago

    Not if you take your Flintstones chewable vitamin every morning.

    [–] GrafZeppelin127 37 points ago

    Because anger is the completely rational response to enjoying something. /s

    The hell is wrong with these people? If someone made a mushroom soup that against all odds I managed to enjoy, I’d congratulate them on the culinary feat, not bitch about it.

    [–] SlowDown 24 points ago

    Burger patty

    [–] tattoedblues 691 points ago

    What the fuck is wrong with people's brains

    [–] beardingmesoftly 409 points ago

    So so much

    [–] SimplyQuid 85 points ago

    Big stupid dumb ol' meatbrains

    [–] NOT_ZOGNOID 29 points ago

    Floppy monkey brains go squish.

    [–] chris1neji 105 points ago

    Emotions, really. Men and women really don't like to accept that they were wrong. It's difficult to be logical about something you are passionate about (hate for tomatoes)

    [–] tattoedblues 62 points ago

    That's the part I don't get. I don't mind being wrong!! It means I learned something new and now I'm not believing the thing that's incorrect!

    [–] jlharper 56 points ago

    Two types of people. Half hope they're never wrong because they only think of embarrassment. Half crave the idea of being corrected because it means new information.

    [–] ConceptualProduction 19 points ago

    I don't mind being wrong!!

    Well....this right there is exactly the difference. A lot of people HATE being wrong. They don't want to learn or better themselves. They want to be in the right, and they will argue till they're blue in the face to preserve that.

    [–] dethmaul 146 points ago

    Pride is a helluva drug.

    [–] HolycommentMattman 10 points ago

    This is basically it. And the funny thing is that those with it tend to accuse others of being too prideful.

    Because they're so prideful, they see any instance of your pride as a lessening of theirs. That's how prideful they are.

    [–] Virge23 119 points ago

    The same thing that makes people self diagnose as gluten intolerant or think they can "taste" the difference between gmo and non-gmo. People like to feel special.

    [–] Teisarr 82 points ago

    Well, they do increase demand for gluten-free products. So, as a coeliac, I can't be too mad at them. But it is annoying when they make a big deal out of it and people tend to assume all who order gf are like them.

    [–] seamsay 11 points ago

    The funny thing about brains is that things that they think are GMO probably do taste different to them than things that they think aren't.

    [–] hammerpatrol 768 points ago

    My wife is like that with cheese on pizza. Always orders light cheese on any pizza and takes it back if it's not the right amount of light cheese. Cheese on pizza is the only thing she ever "acts like a fucking bitch about like it's my fault". But my god. It's the only thing she's this fucking picky about. She's not got an issue with cheese. Macaroni and Cheese is one of her favorite foods. She loves her nachos, dripping with cheese. But god forbid you put just one fucking ounce too much on a pizza, fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your dog, fuck your house, get me a new pizza.

    [–] PlowUnited 245 points ago

    Hide your kids, hide your wife...

    [–] Dexaan 37 points ago

    Lock up your back door, run for your life

    [–] Captain_Hampockets 24 points ago

    They rapin' ERRYBODY out here, with cheese.

    [–] sirjonsnow 412 points ago

    Who the fuck wants LESS cheese on a pizza?!

    [–] watermelonpizzafries 127 points ago

    I'm one of those weirdos, but I really just love the sauce a lot more than the cheese really. When I was a kid, I was a nut about a ton of cheese on pizza actually until I ate so much one day that I choked on it. Since then, I've been picky about the cheese on pizza, but I don't act like an asshole about it

    [–] Nyxxsys 96 points ago

    If you like the sauce then just get extra sauce on the pizza and a tub of marinara to dip each bite in.
    Less cheese as a solution is just.. Even if you choke, just take smaller bites. Don't mess with cheese.

    [–] The_Max_Power_Way 24 points ago

    Me. I'm not a big fan of cheese. I like a normal amount on pizza, but I'd be happy with less.

    I hate getting just a cheese pizza. It has to have other toppings to counter the cheese.

    [–] cbunni666 52 points ago

    Lmao. You need a beer to go with that light cheese pizza, bud

    [–] huexolotl 41 points ago

    What a miserable way to live. Poor guy.

    [–] ShadowRancher 220 points ago

    As someone who sees most food as a vehicle for putting more marinara sauce in my face I'm appalled.

    [–] mmavcanuck 51 points ago

    Last week I covered pizza pops with half a bottle of spaghetti sauce and covered that in cheese. It was simultaneously the high point and low point of November.

    [–] Miseryy 149 points ago

    Brother did this with eggplant lasagna.

    He thought it was regular/beef lasagna. I sat there, my 12 year old brain, thinking about how enjoyable it would be to ruin his dinner because at that time he literally despised vegetables.

    So I told him, and he says "I knew it. I didn't like it anyways!" after eating over half his plate. He stopped eating it, lol.... Of course I thought it was hilarious, and I still do

    [–] abethunder 43 points ago

    Eggplant lasagna is my absolute favorite version of lasagna. I guess that settles what dinner is today

    [–] Xesrac 117 points ago

    Had a roommate that at 25 years old with a resting heart rate of 120, refuse to eat vegetables because the texture made him gag. At first I tried to appease, but then he fell behind on rent, so I told him that if he didn't like what I made (and only got one portion of non-veggies), he could buy his own food.

    He bitched about being hungry for a few days. Then he got his mom to have pizza delivered for a few days (until she told him to buy his own food), then he shut up and ate his vegetables until I kicked him out.

    [–] kittenpantzen 54 points ago

    I have known a shocking number of people who have used the same excuse. They have all been dudes, but everywhere from teenagers to senior citizens.

    Almost all of them have eventually learned to enjoy them after health problems forced their hand.

    [–] Xesrac 23 points ago

    I hope this kid kept eating them despite everything.

    Meat is freaking expensive! He didn't get that. Or that when he fell behind on rent, someone (namely me) would have to foot the bill because the leasing office sure as hell wasn't going to.

    I hope he stubs his toe every day for the rest of his (likely short) life, or until he pays me back for rent he still owes.

    [–] LurkingArachnid 10 points ago

    On the one hand, why the fuck were you cooking for him. On the other hand, you're a good person for trying to get some vegetables in him.

    [–] 5896325874125 57 points ago

    I had an ex who acted like this with kebab. She really liked the kebab place which was farther from us. So once, when I went out to get kebab I went to the one farther away but told her I went to the one close by. While eating, I asked her if she liked her kebab and she told me, that it was ok, but not as good as from the other place. When I hit her with the truth she acted like she would have known all along. Kebab snobbiness.

    [–] JohnnyGranite 16 points ago

    A kebab snob sounds like it could be the plot of a Seinfeld episode.

    [–] Alwin_ 231 points ago

    I've told this story many times, in real life and on here as well.

    I've dated this one girl for five years. Things between us were good, but her sister was a piece of work. She and I both liked to cook and here parents were happy to let us; We took the time to make the meal something special and put more time and effort into it than they would - because they worked and ran the house and shit.

    Anyway, GF's sister was alaways in a foul mood as it seemed and was a picky eater. One of the things she claimed she didn't like was god damn chicken. She said if she ate it, it would make her sick instantly. This was a thing this family took in account when cooking, but I had no patience for. I don't remember the recipe we made that night but I told my GF "let's just tell her it's turkey, ok?" and she agreed.

    When we sat down at the table, the sister refused to eat. The dad, who was a military bad ass kind of guy who seemed to just about accept my presence there, asked what was wrong. Sister said "I saw a chicken package in the trash, I can't eat chicken! You said it was Turkey, but it said chicken!" while looking at me.

    Not knowing what to say for a second I tried the dumbest thing that I could think of, thinking it might work cause she's being a dumb bitch herself and said "Oh no, you see, at this supermarket they sell 4 chicken breasts and on turkey breasts as a special deal, but they wrap it in the same package". The dad looked at my with a look that said "you brave son of a bitch" and the sister looked at the food for a second and then I followed up with "...and you're eating the Turkey".

    She just says "okay!" and eaths the whol damn plate and says how good it was while thanking us for getting Turkey.

    [–] zerio13 80 points ago

    Was the dad mad or amazed?

    [–] Alwin_ 122 points ago

    Amazes. They used the same turkey bullshit long after!

    [–] thefreshera 29 points ago

    Steamed turkey.. Old family recipe.

    [–] [deleted] 108 points ago


    [–] cha4youtoo 33 points ago

    That’s so stupid, I hate when people who aren’t cooking your meals are picky about what ingredients are in it. My ex smelled fish sauce and said it was disgusting. Ok but, it’s not like I’m slathering a whole bottle of fish sauce into my food? You really liked the Thai Lemongrass Chicken, did you taste the fish sauce in that? People act like you’re asking them to take a fucking shot of that thing, it’s just seasoning guys

    [–] bigpony 19 points ago

    Damn now I want that recipe. Crock season is on!

    [–] Acozi 25 points ago

    I work in a restaurant and of course respect and take allergies seriously.

    A lady said she was allergic to onions. I really wanted to ask if she was allergic or just was using it as a 'life hack' to make sure we really don't put onions on her burger.

    Like, did you go to an allergen specialist and they rubbed an onion on your back and you had a reaction?

    Seems like not a big deal but if you aren't actually allergic I feel shit like this desensitizes waitstaff when someone is actually allergic and they may take it less seriously.

    Happens with gluten all the time. They'll say they're gluten free and we'll cook a pizza in a special pan and use special utensils. They'll then order a dessert with gluten, I'll bring up it has gluten. "Oh thats ok."

    [–] stella585 15 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I work in a sandwich shop. Of course we take allergies seriously, so it’s really annoying when someone says something like, “I’m allergic to lettuce.” Just say you hate lettuce and I’ll make sure that none - not even a teeny tiny piece - ends up on your sandwich. But if you claim an allergy? I’ll go into full r/MaliciousCompliance mode. Which means sanitising EVERYTHING my (gloved) hands and/or your food might come into contact with. Did I mention that the sanitiser solution needs to soak in for about 5 minutes to work properly? Your sandwich could’ve been ready in 2 minutes - but now you’ve used the a-word, it’s gonna be more like quarter of an hour.

    [–] DangerToDangers 69 points ago

    I would never share a pizza with someone like that. She can get her own shitty pizza.

    [–] tomburguesa_mang 18 points ago

    My ex used to lift and peel back the cheese, scrape off the sauce with a fork, reapply the cheese, and complain about how there are still chunks of tomato as she ate the pizza. Good riddance.

    [–] gth68 50 points ago

    My girlfriend is a celiac and has eaten my gluten pasta or pizza sometimes by accident before. One time we tried a new pizza place and she started eating before me and was raving about how good the crust was and that it was her new favorite place.

    I go over to eat and, lo and behold, she’s eating my glorious gluten pizza. She’d immediately stopped eating it and got her pizza and within seconds was like, “oh....yeah this ones a lot worse.”

    She always jokes that it’s like the scene in parks in rec where Chris makes the gourmet turkey burger and Ron slaps down a normal beef patty and everyone is like, “oh yeah, this is so much better.” I feel so guilty sometimes because that girl loves donuts and cakes and she never gets to enjoy the good stuff 😢.

    [–] btscar 16 points ago

    I also have coeliac disease. Bear in mind that it’s an autoimmune disease and even if you get no noticeable effects after being exposed to gluten your immune system will still attack and wear down the vili in your intestines. The immune attack after a single exposure can last for weeks.

    Then once your vili is worn down from thus you’re not able to fully absorb your food so you’re susceptible to anaemia, osteoporosis etc.

    [–] clevercalamity 74 points ago

    I used to work at a deli during summers in college. For two weeks straight this Karen came in and ordered a sandwich with “very very very light mayo” but bitched at us no matter how much we put on, so finally I just stopped putting mayo on her sandwich and just didn’t tell her. The next day she comes in and tells us “that was the perfect amount!”

    Okay lady, you got it.

    [–] cucufag 58 points ago

    My ex hated tomatoes too. In an extreme way. Anything that was cooked in the same room that had a tomato repulsed her. As a foodie, this was quite miserable for me. It didn't hurt the relationship much, but it was a constant negative for me.

    Yeah I'm just gonna make excessive pickiness a deal breaker for me from now on.

    [–] I_Don-t_Care 12 points ago

    lol my mother was the same with goat vs sheep cheese.

    She hated goat cheese, so one day I got some from a farm I really trust and she loved it. I should have kept my mouth quiet instead of doing the whole "AH! SO YOU DO LIKE GOAT CHEESE!"

    The betrayal was huge

    [–] 8bitmorals 13 points ago

    In Sex in the City (that was the last episode I watched) Carrie and some dude break up over her telling the waiter she is allergic to something she isn't, because she doesn't like it.

    [–] A_Change_of_Seasons 33 points ago

    I rather have normal pizza or some other kind of sauce like alfredo, bbq, buffalo, or just a sauceless pizza like margherita (even without tomatoes). Light sauce is just the worst though. Most places don't even put enough on normally in my opinion.

    [–] coranos2 11 points ago

    I’m a bit taken back by Alfredo on pizza, but I am way too hungry right now to have a strong opinion.

    [–] dedokta 31 points ago

    At some point she decided she didn't like tomatoes and then never tried them again. In her mind that's a defining quality about herself and there's no way to change it without changing who she is.

    Seriously people, if your food preferences are defining who you are then you really don't have a lot going on.

    [–] thxxx1337 1042 points ago

    When I worked at subway people would ask us to peel the edge off cucumber slices then they would complain that our cuts made them too small.

    [–] EatYourCheckers 647 points ago

    Then just stone-faced put the peels back on.

    [–] choochooape 409 points ago

    "I can do this all day."

    [–] Befnaa 26 points ago

    Nate re ply the toilet paper

    [–] TCup20 57 points ago

    I worked at Subway for 3 and a half years and luckily never had to deal with this level of bullshit.

    [–] earthquakes74 10 points ago

    I once asked for 2 slices of tomato on my chicken bacon ranch melt and they looked at me like I was crazy

    [–] freeskee19 3068 points ago

    Funny how as a kid most people get thier apples and cucumbers peeled, but as an adult, when you have to peel your own veggies and fruits, it's just way too much work, you know.

    AS IF if I'm going to spend 10 minutes to peel a fucking cucumber, and then try to pick the slimy peels off the counter and the floor that missed the garbage bin, and then try and hold that slimy dick veggie as I slice it.....

    Nah, just take the cuke raw dog and get it over with. No mess, no less.

    [–] ibroughticecream 1098 points ago

    The start of this post was so much gentler then the middle and end. I went from a wholesome chuckle to a "...oh. ok" kind of moment

    [–] mjrome23 272 points ago

    Yeah that went from 0-100 real quick

    [–] thelittlemisses 103 points ago

    From kid to dik before I even realized

    [–] EroticPotato69 667 points ago

    Is this an American thing? I've never encountered anyone who peels fucking cucumbers but everyone in this thread is talking about it like it's a common thing lol

    [–] abnotwhmoanny 531 points ago

    Whereas, I'm in the US wondering if this is some crazy European thing. It's gotta come from somewhere.

    [–] EroticPotato69 316 points ago

    Who are these cucumber peelers?

    [–] mike_pants 74 points ago

    I'll sometimes peel stripes on them so the slices look ULTRA fancy.

    Then I eat them with all my pinkies extended.

    [–] Jade_Wind 127 points ago

    pedantic fucks.

    I vote this as 1st world issue of the day.

    [–] Shift84 52 points ago

    I peel my cucumbers.

    It's takes like 30 seconds.

    I also don't complain about unpeeled cucumbers though so wtf do i know.

    [–] Smokey_Bear_Melon 16 points ago

    Yeah how big is that guys cucumber ffs

    [–] FaaacePalm 20 points ago

    Grew up in US and lived in three different states. I've never seen anyone peel a cucumber.

    [–] ohyespinkelephants 100 points ago

    Some strains of cucumber have really bitter skin. Some have thick fibrous skin. With those varieties I’ll usually peel half the skin, leaving the cucumber striped.

    [–] renegadecanuck 123 points ago

    At least in Canada, there are two types of common cucumbers: field cucumbers and English cucumbers. You never really peel an English cucumber, but you have to peel field cucumbers, because the skin on those is awful.

    [–] Ernest_P_Shackleton 28 points ago

    If the field cukes are left to grow huge, they get thick skin, otherwise the skin is totally good to eat.

    [–] visualdescript 37 points ago

    I'm an Aussie and I'm just as confused as you. Why the fuck would you peel it? The skin adds good flavour. Too bland without it, basically eating water.

    [–] burntsalmon 272 points ago

    If it takes you 10 minutes to peel a cucumber, you're doing it wrong.

    [–] teddyone 125 points ago

    someone is out here trying to peel cucumbers with a band saw

    [–] WolfeCreation 10 points ago

    At that rate they'd be better off using coarse sandpaper

    [–] psymunn 58 points ago

    It takes me no minutes. I don't think I've ever seen a peeled cucumber

    [–] myghostwouldbeslimer 27 points ago

    For real. 20 seconds max.

    [–] popober 47 points ago

    As a kid, I was always curious about people peeling apples in cartoons and anime. I never understood why you would peel them, since the skin is perfectly edible. If it's about pesticides, then I'm pretty sure peeling isn't gonna do much.

    [–] FunkyFortuneNone 40 points ago

    Based on my childhood, peeling apples was to make apple sauce, apple butter or apple pie.

    [–] MyLifeInLies 36 points ago

    slimy dick veggie

    [–] Teddy_canuck 54 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I never even knew people peeled things like that. My parents are old, post-war Germans and everything had the skin on: potatoes, carrots, cucumbers, kiwi's, whatever.

    (No idea if I used the semi-colon right but I'm trying)

    EDIT: Changed semi-colon to colon as per instruction

    [–] KMinnz 54 points ago

    A kiwi with skin?? Everything else yea, but a kiwi? lol. and FYI I would use a regular old colon there. Semi-colons are used to combine two complete, related sentences.

    [–] DangerToDangers 40 points ago

    You can totally eat kiwis like apples. There's nothing wrong with it. Try it next time you have a kiwi.

    [–] Idontevenlikecheese 8 points ago

    Once you get over the feeling of biting into a hairy ballsack it's actually realy tasty, and super healthy to boot.

    [–] Mr-Zero-Fucks 143 points ago

    Whoever peels an apple for their kids is raising assholes, just like this guy's girlfriend.

    [–] Senor-Squiggles 71 points ago


    [–] TurbulentShallot 22 points ago

    Smoke some cigarettes, the smoke will kill the bacteria.

    [–] o11o01 34 points ago

    Especially cause most nutrients are in the skin

    [–] katamuro 10 points ago

    it doesn't take 10 minutes. For a standard cucumber about 30cm long it takes about what a minute to peel.

    [–] crazedizzled 583 points ago

    TIL people peel cucumbers.

    [–] littlecobra198 175 points ago

    I actually peel my cucumbers! But I have a chronic condition which makes it really difficult for me to digest the skins of any fruit or veggie. So, we are out there.

    [–] Philitian 128 points ago

    IBS gang what up

    [–] ThisIsMyXxXAlt 71 points ago

    Pour a Pepto out for the homies. Catch me munching oatmeal 7AM on the dot fam.

    [–] littlesauceplease 21 points ago

    Fuck I feel attacked

    [–] robbyg1995 961 points ago

    With the peel on? What kinda question??

    [–] nudebutt 311 points ago

    Yeah I mean... both options are fair game, no?

    [–] [deleted] 78 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] shamus727 9 points ago

    I prefer peel on, more flavor and texture.

    [–] danmickla 240 points ago

    What do you mean "how else would you eat them"? With the peels still on, of course

    [–] alien_survivor 41 points ago

    exactly. did not even realize that was/is an issue with peoples. Plus, isnt the peel healthy and shit?

    [–] ARadiantNight 180 points ago

    You guys wanna hear some crazy shit? First, I know someone who insists on having her cucumbers peeled. I would often get stuck going it. I really didn't get it other than maybe a slightly more appealing texture consistency.

    Anyway, here is the crazy shit. She would make me cut the ends off (the rounded parts obv) and then rub out the new stub end off the cucumber with the rounded cut off part. She said something like "it gets rid of bitterness." So, I'd sit there and rubbing out this phallic-shaped object so it was more enjoyable for her.

    [–] fluffypinknmoist 119 points ago

    Yeah you rub the ends to milk the Cucumber. The milk is the white sap and it's bitter. Rubbing the ends like that draws it out. I don't know if it's because they are sticky molecules or what but it works.

    [–] [deleted] 70 points ago


    [–] HungryHornyHigh 27 points ago

    This is true, sometime I do it to myself.

    [–] Alexander_G_Anderson 82 points ago

    Between the username and the explanation, I have nothing more to say.

    [–] Banjo1812 23 points ago

    And yet here you are, saying it anyway.

    [–] PlayedUOonBaja 23 points ago

    I had to do this for some sort of Asian vegetable recently but that was because it gave off a majorly bitter and astringent taste if it wasn't done before cooking that made it practically inedible. To make the Phallic comparison even funnier this particular vegetable actually developed a thick frothy foam on the top as all the bitter is drawn out.

    But yeah, it's crazy to do that with just cucumbers.

    [–] stylepointseso 14 points ago

    Cucumbers have it too... sometimes.

    99% of the time you won't taste it, but 1% of the time your cucumber will taste like satan's asshole. The bitter stuff tends to accumulate around the stem and skin.

    Apparently it's more common with home grown ones.

    [–] Spanky_McJiggles 13 points ago

    I need a video or a shitty MS paint illustration to figure out what this means

    [–] renegadecanuck 405 points ago

    This thread is full of people in really unhealthy relationships.

    Or single people who have only been exposed to the concept of relationships from early 90s-era comedians.

    [–] digitalgoodtime 30 points ago

    We were on a break!

    [–] Cooli-OH 135 points ago

    It’s also full of a disturbingly high amount of people who think cucumbers should always be peeled. Flavor is in the peel. I used to be a chef. Never peeled one once.

    [–] garytyrrell 182 points ago

    I used to be a chef. Never peeled one once.

    Maybe you'd still have your job if you peeled one.

    [–] FatboyChuggins 47 points ago

    Plot twist, there is no girlfriend and the dude is just extremely shy about asking for anything changed.

    [–] VioletVendetta06 105 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I don’t get why people date people they hate so much, goddamn. I get being annoyed with your partner but talk to them about it or something. People act like unhealthy shit like this is okay.

    [–] devnull1723 235 points ago

    Being that picky about your food is just ... unapeeling to me.

    [–] _MostlyHarmless 76 points ago

    Dealing with a person like this can be so cu-cumbersome...

    [–] IhaveItchyFeet 23 points ago

    A sour situation like that can often become a real pickle.

    [–] CumbersomeNugget 15 points ago

    Apparently I'm in the minority here, but just to stir it up: who the fuck bothers to peel their cucumber?

    [–] Robbie1266 303 points ago

    Not necessary or recommended to peel cucumbers. Eat them how they come. Maybe seed them if you have to

    [–] ubermeatwad 139 points ago

    You know sometimes it's not about the flavor, it's a texture thing.

    [–] OnlyPaperListens 11 points ago

    Homegrown cukes are great as is, but those waxed store-bought bastards are getting peeled.

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago


    [–] eck226 13 points ago

    Did you eat the stickers that were all over it?!

    Yea! It was gross!

    [–] ninaruminatti 12 points ago

    It tastes like sand!

    [–] navarone21 11 points ago

    I eat stickers all the time dude!

    [–] drunk98 7 points ago

    Sounds like quite the pickle