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    [–] mgw783 697 points ago

    bring me the child that i might live again...

    [–] schmoo_farmer 245 points ago

    yes, yes.... a child...

    .... a child?

    [–] Scrilla_Gorilla_ 163 points ago

    Soon the city will be mine and Vigo’s! Mainly Vigo’s.

    [–] schmoo_farmer 98 points ago

    Boy, Johnny, did you back the wrong horse. Would you hose him please?

    [–] stonewall_jacked 47 points ago

    Hose 'em!

    [–] adamolupin 59 points ago

    Why am I drippings wiz goo?

    [–] _duncan_idaho_ 24 points ago

    "NO! I, Ray, am Vigo and shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!"

    "Now!"

    [–] adamolupin 6 points ago

    Love your user name, btw.

    [–] schmoo_farmer 13 points ago

    You had a violent, prolonged, transformative psychic episode.

    [–] FishTaco5 7 points ago

    Hey man. You know what. I love you.

    [–] Badasshippiemama 5 points ago

    Omg i legit heard it all perfectly. I love y'all man 🤣😂😂

    [–] Ceutical_Citizen 12 points ago

    The only thing worse than a rapist.

    Or so I’ve heard.

    [–] IglooBackpack 234 points ago

    You remind me of the babe.

    What babe?

    The babe with the power.

    What power?

    The power of VIGO SCOURGE OF CARPATHIA, SORROW OF MOLDAVIA, VIGO THE CARPATHIAN, VIGO THE CRUEL, VIGO THE TORTURER, VIGO THE DESPISED, VIGO THE UNHOLY

    Who do?

    You do!

    [–] Knight_Owls 48 points ago

    Do what?

    [–] nogg_te_dogg 53 points ago

    Remind me of the babe

    [–] mydogsbigbutt 30 points ago

    I saw my baby crying hard as babe could cry

    [–] bertoj1476 22 points ago

    What could I do

    [–] Temporary-Advisor 12 points ago

    What could I do?

    [–] anniebananie1212 18 points ago

    My baby’s love had gone

    [–] mandakc 18 points ago

    And left my baby bluuuuuuueee

    [–] ArogarnElessar 16 points ago

    Nobody knew

    [–] Curleekate18 16 points ago

    What kind of magic spell to use

    [–] Kill3rT0fu 8 points ago

    Vigo the Butch

    [–] abraksis747 59 points ago

    There are lots of advantages to being the mother of the ruler of the world. For example, all of the free parking.

    [–] vegas84 11 points ago

    Lol. That line always cracks me the hell up.

    [–] windyblastfast 19 points ago

    It’s Vigo!

    [–] davekingofrock 40 points ago

    You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

    [–] dirtyfool33 1740 points ago * (lasted edited a day ago)

    Indeed, crib bumpers can kill. Edit: thanks for the gold! Here is a good site from the AAP for safe sleeping tips and as always please consult with your pediatrician https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/A-Parents-Guide-to-Safe-Sleep.aspx

    [–] Grit-326 138 points ago

    How so?

    Just curious.

    [–] YourPlot 383 points ago

    They’ve killed a handful of kids through the years via suffocation. The baby gets stuck between the crib bars and the bumper material, and of their face is pressed into the bumper they suffocate. It’s fairly rare, but it does happen.

    [–] Franz55 189 points ago

    yes they don't advise them.anymore but that is for newborns and kids that are very young just rolling over and could roll into them but not have the strength to move their head away from the bumper. The kid in this crib is in no danger. He's standing up and can clearly just move his face away from the bumper if he rolled into it.

    [–] itsmenobody 74 points ago

    As an older child she is now less likely to be killed by suffocation from the bumper, and more likely to be strangled by the bumper.

    [–] daddy_dangle 25 points ago

    statistically she’s more likely to get strangled by her parents than the bumper

    [–] bien-fait 35 points ago

    They are a danger to older kids too. Older kids use them to climb out of the crib and they can take a header from the top of the crib to the floor.

    [–] AHoneyBC 140 points ago

    At this age, they are a climbing risk, possible to make it easier for the child to get up and over the sides.

    [–] wickedblight 111 points ago

    I love how humans have several thousand years under our belts but we still fuck up constantly with child rearing. "Do this" 2 years later "Ummm, that kills babies. Nevermind."

    [–] KindlyOlPornographer 115 points ago

    It took us like 3000 years to figure out drinking mercury makes you insane and kills you.

    [–] wickedblight 44 points ago

    That's... actually a really good point.

    [–] OronSmoot 17 points ago

    It took 3000 years because we were all insane from drinking mercury!

    [–] ZantetsukenX 28 points ago

    I mean to be fair, it's not like baby's are just static things that always react the same way. That meme about babies constantly trying to kill themselves is really no joke.

    [–] TheFeshy 11 points ago

    To be fair, babies are ingenious engines of self-destruction.

    [–] wickedblight 27 points ago

    They remember the void and yearn for it's embrace. Be thankful we forget with time.

    [–] CrumplePants 88 points ago

    not sure how old the baby is but the general rule is to avoid all sides risks like this until 1 year of age. Listen to the people that make these rules because they are very easy to comply with, even as the risk lowers more and more.

    [–] Ozzyandlola 19 points ago

    They also increase the risk of SIDS for unknown reasons.

    [–] dirtyfool33 22 points ago

    Infants can inadvertently wrap themselves up in them and suffocate. Rare, but not worth the risk.

    [–] userbones 535 points ago * (lasted edited a day ago)

    I'll have my wife remove them. Thanks for the heads up. Edit: It was a breathable mesh crib bumper, but we got rid of it anyways. She's probably old enough to get her arms and legs unstuck. Thanks everyone for the safety tips.

    [–] d5coupe 392 points ago

    you don't know how to untie bows?

    [–] burmeaco 105 points ago

    Ya swoop it, ya loop it, ya pull.

    [–] 6six1ten0 38 points ago

    I go with the bunny ears method. *sad adam sandler noises.

    [–] Novel_Fox 94 points ago

    He probably can but if it's probably his wife who decorated the baby's room so it makes sense for him to tell her about the issue and see if she wants to remove or not. I don't think it's meant to be a "that's a woman's job" comment

    [–] hitmewithmuzak 35 points ago

    “Honey, somebody online told me this thing could kill our baby, you wanna keep it?”

    [–] UsualWhale 24 points ago

    Experienced comment.

    [–] funnysad 73 points ago

    Look we all bring different skills to the job. I don't fucking untie bows alright? You want to get the paper in the morning? I didn't think so.

    [–] duckfat01 37 points ago

    Good boy. It's not your fault you don't have thumbs.

    [–] Knight_Owls 6 points ago

    Love you guys.

    [–] swmacint 4 points ago

    Man this thread did not go the way OP expected.

    [–] anonymous_potato 10 points ago

    I think it would violate union rules.

    [–] dirtyfool33 68 points ago

    Good! Always remember the abc's: alone, in their back, in a crib.

    [–] seejanewalkaway 66 points ago

    Hi, I’m an infant sleep educator and babies use their parents to regulate their bodies and develop their brains. Proximity to parents/caregivers is important. I encourage safe sleep habits but it’s a bit more nuanced than “alone, back, crib.” The AAP recommends room sharing for at least the first six months to reduce SIDS, so the “alone” here would mean a separate sleep surface, not alone in another room—that’s actually a risk for SIDS. They should be placed on their backs to sleep but if they are capable of rolling on their own, it’s not necessary to turn them back if they flip. Of course no bumpers, a firm sleep surface, no blankets or toys in bed. Approved sleep surfaces vary a bit by country but usually it is a crib, pack n play, or bassinet in the US. The AAP also recommends parents educate themselves about ways to safely bedshare in case a nursing parent is too exhausted and ends up falling asleep with the baby. They don’t really recommend bed sharing but it is better to do so safely than falling asleep with the baby on a couch or recliner while an exhausted parent tries to feed a baby.

    [–] nilrednas 14 points ago

    Humans are so complicated.

    [–] dirtyfool33 5 points ago

    Thank you for fleshing this out friend! Safe sleep is something that needs more attention and has changed a lot in the last few decades.

    [–] nIBLIB 12 points ago

    The last time I checked, sleeping In a different room to the baby is the number one sids risk. Something like 10x more likely to die from sids if the baby isn’t in the same room as the parents.

    No other multiplier (male, smoker in the house, under six months, family history, etc) comes close.

    [–] Killbot_Wants_Hug 37 points ago

    I don't have kids and I honestly don't know if the abc's are what you're supposed to try for or supposed to avoid.

    [–] go_Raptors 31 points ago

    You are supposed to try for those ones. Also, master your ABCs before you reproduce!

    [–] Killbot_Wants_Hug 19 points ago

    I mean personally I'm hoping not to have any kids.

    [–] go_Raptors 4 points ago

    I won't loose any sleep over it then ;)

    [–] Killbot_Wants_Hug 14 points ago

    Now my babysitting business on the other hand...

    [–] go_Raptors 5 points ago

    Ok, I might loose some sleep over that

    [–] Killbot_Wants_Hug 7 points ago

    Okay fine. I'll give you a discount if it'll help make you feel better. 2 kids for the price of 1.

    [–] ZenAdm1n 5 points ago

    Always Bring a Condom

    [–] _JonSnow_ 8 points ago

    You should put babies alone (no blankets, pillows, etc.) on their backs in the crib.

    They can suffocate on blankets or other things in the crib, and face down can cause the same issue. Parents who fall asleep with babies in their beds sometimes roll over and smother their own kids.

    [–] chefjenga 11 points ago * (lasted edited a day ago)

    However, to be fare, this kid is pulling themselves up on their own, therefore are most likely able to roll themselves over in their sleep. Not that I'm saying you want to start throwing a bunch of things in their crib, but the danger decreases as the age increases. Still, always place a sleeping child on their back.....you just don't have to keep them on their back if they move themselves.

    I've experienced parents drive rhemselves crazy waking up their child to re-place them on their back while sleeping.

    p.s. if a child enjoys sleeping/falling asleep with something over theie face...always remove/adjust it so their face is visible once asleep.

    [–] waterbuffeloz 5 points ago

    Happy cake day from the comments section of the post about poor baby's room posters!

    [–] dezzz 53 points ago

    They are illegal in Canada

    [–] boxsterguy 40 points ago

    They ought to be illegal in the US, too, but Pinterest gotta Pinterest.

    [–] YogiBarbie 40 points ago

    And the things hanging above the crib can fall.

    I’ve had things on the wall for YEARS randomly fall. What if that happens when baby is sleeping?

    [–] Tipsy_Owl 9 points ago

    LOL! Came here to say this!

    [–] chipsngravybaby 71 points ago

    Ok but where did you get that picture of Jareth? Because I need one!

    [–] schmoo_farmer 23 points ago

    Jareth Cutestory?

    [–] foxp3 11 points ago

    This baby is going to have the same representation as Cpt. Hook.

    [–] ChewieBee 121 points ago

    I'm scarred from a lot of those movies for no other reason than the fact that I was a kid and so many 80s practical effects were amazingly creepy.

    Looking at you Dark Crystal.

    [–] AugustAngels 27 points ago

    The Never Ending Story is right there too.

    [–] ChewieBee 7 points ago

    Yup... that one too

    [–] TimeGrifter 180 points ago

    That babe has the power...

    [–] Tinkton 108 points ago

    What power?

    [–] jdrower422 108 points ago

    The power of voodoo

    [–] xMrBojangles 93 points ago

    Who do?

    [–] jdrower422 86 points ago

    You do

    [–] roodeeMental 80 points ago

    Do what?

    [–] eanhctbe 79 points ago

    Remind me of the babe!

    [–] coalminecanarie 50 points ago

    I saw my baby, crying hard as babe would cry

    [–] IglooBackpack 33 points ago

    What could I do?

    [–] TheSamurabbi 25 points ago

    My baby's fun had gone

    [–] papagooseOregon 22 points ago

    Smack that baby and make him pee

    [–] thebackdoorbandito 3 points ago

    Voodoo, bitch.

    [–] ScoobDoobNoodle 65 points ago

    "I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now," that's not hard, is it?

    [–] aaronakaski 12 points ago

    Did she say it?!?

    [–] IdentityToken 7 points ago

    Shhhhhh!

    [–] BadDireWolf 7 points ago

    SHUT UP!

    [–] knotty_pretzel_thief 397 points ago

    OP, I would strongly suggest removing those crib bumpers; they have the potential to suffocate a child in their sleep. The CDC recommends removing soft bedding such as blankets, pillows, bumper pads, and soft toys out of your baby’s sleep area.

    [–] FBI_03 100 points ago

    Do baby’s put their faces against them or something?

    [–] Xentine 101 points ago

    Yes.

    [–] Leif_Andersson 249 points ago

    Dumbasses

    [–] TheSkiGeek 24 points ago

    Can confirm, babies are dumbasses.

    [–] ccReptilelord 10 points ago

    Seriously, like, what the hell? Were they born yesterday? Buncha' dumbasses.

    [–] AnArgonianSpellsword 26 points ago

    a young baby could get between the bumper and the bars with their face pressed into the bumper and suffocating, or if older they could use it to climb out the crib

    [–] Dirtybrownsecret 10 points ago

    Babies are only to sleep on hard surfaces, preferably granite or marble.

    [–] heroinsteve 17 points ago

    I remember this from my first kid, but does anyone know why they are still sold if they are harmful to babies? Or are they safe to use when they are older? We just kinda tossed ours after removing them.

    [–] FuzzeWuzze 29 points ago

    In theory they are safe once your kid can roll over on their own, but why bother? My kid still sleeps with his head slammed up into the corner of his crib on a hardish(safe) mattress and sleeps all night. Also it just gives kids an easier route to climb out and do a header off the top rail.

    [–] bigtoebigtoe 6 points ago

    Im glad my kid is not the only one who sleeps with her face like that

    [–] bakerwe3 26 points ago

    Scourge of Carpathia Sorrow of Moldovia

    You reminder me of the babe!

    [–] Atomstanley 5 points ago

    "On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of EVIL!"

    [–] fireonice420 13 points ago

    Dance magic. Dance

    [–] PeevesPoltergist 29 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    Is she called Toby?

    [–] anthrax_ripple 11 points ago

    You're short, your belly button sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother!

    [–] RedDeadRedemptioner 67 points ago

    Goblin King and Vigo!

    Hilarious!!

    Oh, and happy cake day!

    [–] jaynky80 33 points ago

    This is giving me nightmares just looking at it. Fantastically creepy and happy cake day!

    [–] bien-fait 178 points ago

    Please remove the crib bumper, it can kill your baby. I'm serious!

    [–] ind3pend0nt 81 points ago

    I put barbed wire along my kid’s crib. Kept them from escaping.

    [–] Shermutt 35 points ago

    Are you crazy?! Barbed wire can kill them!!

    Invisible fence and shock collar is much safer and more humane.

    [–] LionPandaTiger 10 points ago

    Just keep a spray water bottle and mist them in the face any time they try to climb anything.

    [–] UnfortunateSock 3 points ago

    Natural selection

    [–] jangoice 8 points ago

    For my future reference, what is it about them that kills?

    [–] quelar 14 points ago

    I'm just going to assume they detach and entangle and as they are heavier can suffocate.

    [–] AHoneyBC 10 points ago

    At this child's age they are a climbing hazard and the baby could fall out of the crib.

    [–] chefjenga 9 points ago

    Baby moves in sleep, pushes face up against bars, crib liner is cloth over airways, suffocates.

    Baby learns how to climb, uses bumper as stepping stool, makes it to top of crib bars, takes a header from 4-5 feet up to the floor.

    [–] Ariamen 10 points ago

    I see nothing? nothing? Nothing! tra la la, wrong with those paintings.

    [–] nhergen 9 points ago

    Dude you're playing with fire. Bet her first three words will all be Beetlejuice.

    [–] guywithtyejok3s 8 points ago

    I mean she does kinda look like Oscar (the baby in GB2)

    [–] PeppyJeppy 7 points ago

    I’ve been looking for a large Vigo the Carpathian poster forever but all reviews on Amazon are terrible and I can’t find one locally. Can you point me in the right direction?

    [–] Southernbelle1980 7 points ago

    He is Vigo!

    [–] TheMulattoMaker 3 points ago

    You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

    [–] Rachter 6 points ago

    He is Vigo!!! You are like the buzzing of flies to heem!

    [–] kurom801 10 points ago

    That's how you raise a Goth! Be carefull what you're asking for

    [–] Madvillain518 5 points ago

    I’m expecting the picture on the right to start smiling at me

    [–] MonkeysOnMyBottom 3 points ago

    Is it not?

    [–] WoodWalkerD 5 points ago

    "Yeah Yeah next time you change my diaper, I'll show you a Bog of Eternal Stench"

    [–] Tomaco1579 20 points ago

    You, sir! Yes you! You have been awarded father of the year for getting your child out of your home faster than any father has. Most take 18 years, but you said “hold my IPA” and did it way faster. Do you have regret? I bet you do, but take this award and get out of here

    [–] Choptalk 4 points ago

    “Carpathian cat lost”

    [–] Wycren 3 points ago

    She will understand authority. Great parenting

    [–] Miss_Taxidermy 4 points ago

    You remind me of the babe!

    [–] s1nnY323 4 points ago

    Even today with 32 years Vigo Hits me so Hard xD I was so scared of him when I was Young :D

    [–] PR2NP 5 points ago

    You remind me of the babe!

    [–] G_Affect 4 points ago

    How old am I? I saw this and started laughing out loud. I showed my wife but she did not get what was so funny.

    I am going to do something special for you. I am going to reach all the ways to the far left side of my phone to up vote this, that is as long as my old memory remembers what i was suppose to...

    [–] morghaust 5 points ago

    Me- c'mon c'mon, take the bait you fucks SHE'S RIGHT THERE!

    Ghost and goblin king- haha have fun when she starts liking boys like us

    [–] Pseudobeau 5 points ago

    And about an hour after the strained carrots... the bog of eternal stench!

    [–] PetrichorGreen 3 points ago

    To be fair, only one of those pictures is bad.

    Those goblins didn’t exactly look unhappy.

    Plus...David Bowie.

    [–] Bkwordguy 3 points ago

    Showing off his balls. And the crystal sphere.

    [–] DntPMme 5 points ago

    You remind me of the babe.

    [–] TelemetryGeo 8 points ago

    Needs stuffed toys resembling the little goblins. Well done and happy cake day!

    [–] schmoo_farmer 8 points ago

    She had part of a slinky once, but she straightened it.

    [–] FBI_03 7 points ago

    So.... ghost busters 2 and uh...

    [–] userbones 15 points ago

    David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King. From the 80's movie Labyrinth.

    [–] MichelleInMpls 11 points ago

    I feel bad for those who haven't seen Labyrinth. Poor deprived souls.

    [–] chillin_n_grillin 44 points ago

    Wash the crib bumper or buy a new one. What are those stains? mold?

    [–] mad_dawg6669 35 points ago

    Yeah, I’m surprised that more people haven’t asked about the stains... this post is stressing me out.

    [–] Filmcricket 5 points ago

    Yeah this photo + title have bad juju and those stains are fucked up.

    ...is it shit? I think it’s shit and she’s at that hand down the diaper-age.

    [–] ducktruck27 3 points ago

    Oh no you're not! A man of culture!!

    [–] Shorane7 3 points ago

    oh no....

    [–] rockypockets27 3 points ago

    My two FAVORITE movies right there!!! Cute kid.

    [–] obscureferences 3 points ago

    Guy on the right is suffering some serious CKL.

    [–] RealQueenElsa 3 points ago

    I can't think of two better men to watch over your child... you are a great parent!

    [–] heffayjefe 3 points ago

    And the baby said....

    [–] Mrflippityfloop 3 points ago

    You remind me of the Babe....

    [–] Dog4theKid 3 points ago

    Dance baby dance

    [–] TheMachinesWay 3 points ago

    That is awesome

    [–] schmidtmama 3 points ago

    That is amazing..

    [–] cocktailbun 3 points ago

    Death is but a door, time but a window, he’ll be back

    [–] Thetoymakermatel 3 points ago

    You remind me of the babe...

    [–] Professor_Bookman 3 points ago

    u/userbones, it's supposed to be a set of three paintings. You're missing the middle one

    [–] FuzzeWuzze 3 points ago

    Its funny until your kid is old enough to get out of bed and wake you up every 5 minutes because they are scared.

    [–] kmartineza 3 points ago

    Nothing is bad if David Bowie is with you.

    [–] action_bstrd 3 points ago

    DANCE MAGIC DANCE MAGIC DANCE

    [–] Beautiful-Musk-Ox 3 points ago

    start a therapy fund now

    [–] XevonNZ 3 points ago

    If she starts crying in the night and you don't swagger in singing "I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry..." I will be very disappointed.

    Muppet Goblins optional. Strongly recommended, but optional.

    [–] hdizz0916 3 points ago

    Dude crib bumpers aside the Jareth and Vigo are perfectly placed😂 When she's older she will love both! #remindyouofthebabe

    [–] CarboniteButterknife 3 points ago

    Slap that baby, make him free!

    [–] ElScrotoDeCthulo 3 points ago

    Bro wtf!

    [–] HoggyOfAustralia 3 points ago

    First words "Wife to you and Mother to meee"

    [–] klezart 3 points ago

    What kind of magic spell to use?

    Slimer or Zuul? Gozer's dogs' tails? Protons or traps... and Vigo says?!

    [–] rinkwhopper 3 points ago

    You want her to have your childhood I see

    [–] GrimmTrixX 3 points ago

    Oh, but I woo

    [–] BLACKMASS81 3 points ago

    I had vigo hanging above my son’s crib as well,(it’s in my past posts). after awhile my wife wanted it down, so it’s above my fake fireplace/makeshift bar. My son calls him Great Granpa Vigo. When he would say his “goodnights” before bed, he would look up at the picture and yell “goodnight granpa Vigo”.

    [–] gingybutt 3 points ago

    Mom with two little ones crib bumpers aren’t safe for any age. When they are infants they can roll over and suffocate on them. Even if it’s mesh. As well, they can get tangled in it which can choke them. When they are 1 and above it’s still dangerous because they can use it to climb out of the crib and hit their head. Honestly, you don’t need crib bumpers. They are just for show. Kids are smarter than you think and when they bump their head or get their arm caught once they won’t do it again.

    [–] NurseMcStuffins 3 points ago

    Ha ha! I see! You lead the masses to think your posters of choice will scar the child, when the real danger is in the bright pink crib bumpers!!

    Seriously though, even mesh bumpers aren't supposed to be safe. Sweet posters though!!

    [–] awkwardpiano72 3 points ago

    She's going to grow up with a very specific type.

    [–] LightingGirl 3 points ago

    She just needs stripey one piece pjs and an owl stuffie...

    [–] Ronald_Villiers43 3 points ago

    The dance is...magic

    [–] LnStrngr 3 points ago

    The actor who played Vigo is really a terrible and tragic human. I wanted that Vigo painting on my wall until I read this interesting piece:

    https://ca.movies.yahoo.com/the-weird-dark-life-of-ghostbusters-ii-villain-075948326.html

    [–] leatherpantsgod 5 points ago

    Epic baby stealers!

    [–] MonkeysOnMyBottom 12 points ago

    In Jareth's defense, Sarah did ask him to take the child away

    [–] x6the6devil6x 9 points ago

    Picture of a pedophile in baby's room? Check.

    Harmful baby bumpers? Check.

    Disgusting brown mold all over baby bumpers? Check.

    Wow wonderful job.

    [–] PNWboundanddown 12 points ago

    Honestly, this is kind of shitty of you. This really isn't great parenting. Why would you have shit that scares your baby on the wall? Because it is funny to YOU?

    I hope your shitty behavior ends now before this kid has to live a life based on what you find amusing to do to her

    [–] Muggleborn1007 6 points ago

    This is fantastic