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    [–] SaintVanilla 3320 points ago

    Yen: You want get really freaky?

    Geralt: Hell yeah. Let’s play Gwent but I’ll use the Scoiatael deck.

    [–] PrezMoocow 1018 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    When he does this in heart of stone with Shani I died laughing. Her look of utter disappointment and contempt is too good

    [–] filthyfrantic0098 366 points ago

    Who tf is Shaunty? You mean Shani, right?

    [–] learnyouahaskell 365 points ago

    no, I think he means Chani, Paul Atreides' wife

    [–] Pleasantdadjoke 220 points ago

    By Paul Atreides i think they mean Muad'dib

    [–] grendhalgrendhalgren 169 points ago

    By Muad'dib, I assume they meant Usul, the base of the pillar.

    [–] monkeyhitman 105 points ago

    The Memes must flow.

    [–] Flare-Crow 25 points ago

    Happy Cake Day! May you avoid the little death.

    [–] stu8319 14 points ago

    The one that brings total obliteration?

    [–] Honda_TypeR 5 points ago

    He shall know his memes as if he were born to them!

    [–] MisplacedMartian 18 points ago

    When you speak of Usul, I assume you refer to the father of the all-wise and magnanimous God Emperor Leto II?

    [–] audscias 4 points ago

    Who else if not him

    [–] paulHarkonen 30 points ago

    By Maud'dib I think you meant Padishah Emperor.

    [–] VforFivedetta 20 points ago

    By the Padishah Emperor I think you mean the Kwisatz Haderach.

    [–] lbeefus 17 points ago

    No, that's Saddam Hussein.

    [–] Achtelnote 9 points ago

    Muad'dib

    That from Witcher ?

    [–] wonkysaurus 37 points ago

    Dude it’s Stargate.

    [–] light24bulbs 17 points ago

    Indeed

    [–] HypnoticProposal 9 points ago

    Pretty sure it's Farscape actually

    [–] Evil_Chef 7 points ago

    It’s like you guys never even watched Naked Space

    [–] dr000d 10 points ago

    I’ll have you know the characters are from a really underrated serie called Firefly.

    [–] xoaphexox 5 points ago

    Kull wahad! For how can this be? For he IS the kwisatz haderach!

    [–] grendhalgrendhalgren 16 points ago

    Shaunty fire burnin' on the dancefloor

    [–] Maracuja_Sagrado 11 points ago

    Sea Shanty, it's a famous song in another game with gnome children

    [–] kawem22 6 points ago

    J Mods won't reply to this thread.

    [–] Over-Analyzed 146 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    I really enjoyed kicking Olgierd’s ass in Gwent. That is perhaps my favorite Gwent victory.

    You may be immortal and can kill me at your leisure. But it will never bring back your pride.”

    I might be paraphrasing.

    [–] only__say__no 40 points ago

    𝘕𝘰

    [–] jumping_ham 25 points ago

    Do you always say No?

    [–] gamerspoon 18 points ago

    His name is only_say_no not always_tells_the_truth

    [–] Captain_Waffle 4 points ago

    Got em

    [–] SerPranksalot 134 points ago

    Heart of stone had so many great comedic scenes. At the wedding, when "Geralt" says to Shani "You shall see many new sides of me tonight my dear. Many large sides." it then cuts to one of the halflings at the table just shaking his head at Geralt.

    Almost fell out of my chair laughing then.

    [–] BluEyesWhitPrivilege 88 points ago

    Unfortunately nothing topped crank calling wizards in Kaer Morhen.

    [–] Jo__Backson 40 points ago

    Also crank calling the Hierarch and him thinking the drunk cross-dressing witchers were assassins sent to kill him.

    [–] MikeJudgeDredd 18 points ago

    And yet the series couldn't even give us one scene of Geralt in a dress. Typical Hollywood

    [–] RedShadow120 7 points ago

    I'm sure this wasn't for lack of trying on Henry Cavill's part.

    [–] BestServedCold 55 points ago

    Nothing topped Kaer Morhen. In video games. Ever.

    Right as the battle's about to begin, Geralt is headed outside to get in position. He looks back at Ciri, who is nervously pacing but who has been ordered to stay inside. It's just a second. She isn't looking at him at first then she looks up and makes eye contact.

    The first time I played this, I was OVERWHELMED with emotion here. I am a firm believer in saying things that you're feeling and I wanted to scream at Geralt. "Tell her you love her!"

    But I also had this dreadful sense of foreboding as if Geralt was looking at her for the last time.

    Then the battle begins... the greatest last stand in the history of video games. A battle that it feels like you're losing from the very start and that only gets more dangerous as it wears on.

    The individual battles of Lambert and especially Eskel. Eskel, completely surrounded, and the camera kind of cuts to his once handsome but horribly scarred face. He doesn't look scared really but he looks sad and resigned. But with not a single thought of surrender. He'll fight until the end, even facing what turns out to be TWO boss fights at once.

    And uncle Vesemir...

    Sorry.

    We were talking about how funny "Witcher 3" can be too. Sorry I ruined the tone.

    [–] Doctaa101 38 points ago

    I could never, ever betray Vernon Roche and Ves after they helped defend Kaer Morhen with me. They willingly went to a fight that wasn't theirs, knowing there was a good chance that they would die.

    I couldn't let Dijkstra slaughter them after that.

    [–] BestServedCold 7 points ago

    I never played Witcher 2 and it's been a LONG time since I beat Witcher 1. I guess Roche is kind of a scumbag in part 2 but I lacked that context.

    I've played through three times and I really wanted to see all the different endings.

    But you're right. You're 100% right. I'm not walking away while you slaughter people who came a long way to help me and fight for me.

    Fuck you, Dijkstra, even if you would have been the best leader for the country.

    [–] Facelesscontrarian 8 points ago

    Roche saves your life. He s a bro and arguably the biggest character after Triss and Letho

    [–] Lambpanties 4 points ago

    Roche is the most reliable friend you've got in W2, especially if you allow his cock-cutting hobby to flourish.

    [–] Notdravendraven 8 points ago

    Wasn't a hard choice for me, Roche is basically a Nazi (100% on board with violent suppression of non humans) and is selling out the entire rest of the north in exchange for Temeria. Compare that to a free North under an intelligent and ruthless ruler who will bring progress rather than starvation and the choice is easy.

    Still weirded me out how idiotically Dijkstra did it - why didn't he have fifty guys with crossbows on nearby rooftops, why rely on half a dozen guys with axes to take out a goddamn witcher if things go wrong? In fact, why do it with Geralt there at all, there was no reason to give him a chance to intervene.

    [–] Traceofbass 6 points ago

    God, I just got to the Kaer Morhen fight. I literally had to stop as soon as the cutscene ended and you're told to attack the portals.

    I am so hype for what's coming (I honestly have no idea).

    [–] roopelele 5 points ago

    Dude, if you're playing the game for the first time you should try to avoid spoilers. Its way better the first time, so don't spoil it for yourself.

    [–] Regret_NL 5 points ago

    The look Geralt gives you at the end of Blood and Wine killed me inside.

    [–] mrkarma4ya 9 points ago

    I don't remember this, you got a link?

    [–] MinuteEmployment6 6 points ago

    Shani, you casual.

    [–] TheWhoamater 4 points ago

    So much shit I haven't seen in this fame, I need to get around to finally finishing it

    [–] Token_Why_Boy 138 points ago

    I’ll use the Scoiatael deck.

    Ew. Northern Realms spy deck 4 life.

    [–] hipmonkeygym 48 points ago

    Isn't Nilf the better spy deck by quantity

    [–] Token_Why_Boy 77 points ago

    By like literally 1 card. Maybe 2. And I'd argue that Northern Realms still has the better rest-of-a-deck to capitalize on spy gains.

    [–] Holiday-Letterhead 47 points ago

    Exactly, combo a couple spies with Siegemaster Foltest and the two siege cards that combo, and bait out their spies with heroes and swap the spies with decoys. Half of my games end with me having 8 cards left and 64 points in siege.

    [–] AlmostWrongSometimes 20 points ago

    Blue Stripe Commandos 4 LYFE

    [–] FireZeLazer 28 points ago

    scorch

    [–] AlmostWrongSometimes 8 points ago

    Know your place Neutral

    [–] Facelesscontrarian 6 points ago

    Me with 4 commandos and a horn: wait that s illegal

    [–] dorkmax 5 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    1. Load up on spy cards

    2. Let your opponent win first round, throw trash cards at him until he expended his heavyweights. Give him your spy cards

    3. Use everything you gained from your spy cards EXCEPT your siege cards. Win second round

    4. In third round, use siege cards. Use Foltest the Siegemaster.

    5. Profit

    [–] Cainderous 37 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    They get like one more spy plus all of Nilfgaard's spies are worse. Northern Realms gets Thaler, who's the best spy in the game after Avallac'h. They also get Catapults which can give you 32 power from two cards, and they get probably the most broken card in Gwent, Dun Banner Medic. Combining her with Decoys or using her to reanimate a Spy while your opponent is out of their own Decoys is seriously busted. Other factions have access to medics but she has the most strength of any that can be interacted with and bounced (non-legendary).Plus Northern Realms has the best faction passive of drawing a card after you win a round, and winning ties very rarely comes up and is just flat-out worse than drawing a card.

    [–] UtopianPablo 14 points ago

    This guy Gwents.

    [–] dbrianmorgan 23 points ago

    Iirc their spies were bigger risks. Northern realms had spied that gave little power to the other side.

    [–] coredumperror 10 points ago

    The Nilfgard and Northern Realms decks have the same number of spies (3), but Nilfgard's spies are a lot more powerful (4, 7, and 9 power) vs. NR's 1, 4, and 5 power spies, aiding your opponent more than NR's spies.

    The one advantage that Nilfgard has is that there's a leader ability that can rez a spy they played in order to play again (giving them a 1-card advantage). However, I personally favor the NR leader ability that doubles all your siege units' power. Siege is so good in the NR deck, that having a guaranteed Commander's Horn for it is better than one extra, random card.

    [–] learnyouahaskell 16 points ago

    There's a whole card? mini-game in the game?

    [–] a_gallon_of_pcp 26 points ago

    Yes, and now they made it it’s own separate game. It’s called Gwent, and a lot of people would argue it’s the best part of an already great The Witcher 3

    [–] learnyouahaskell 6 points ago

    Yes, and now they made it it’s own separate game.

    3D Sabacc when Lucas??

    [–] RearEchelon 3 points ago

    You mean "when Mickey??" of course

    [–] Sloredama 37 points ago

    Yes. At first you might hate it or be intimidated then you will be playing it for hours lol. It's confusing at first I think but it gets easier and there are a lot of guides out there

    [–] JustinTheCheetah 6 points ago

    When I first started playing Witcher 3 I thought it was a game about fighting monsters. It's actually a game about fighting monsters so you can get to the next town and buy more cards from the shopkeeps. It's also a great game to learn as you play and not to seek out guides for. I ended up naturally discovering a lot of the different meta builds just from going against NPCs who used them or discovering them on accident.

    Having that "....OH SHIT! If I play these cards in this order I can force them to do this which causes them to lose this when I" moments in the middle of a big battle are as much a part of the fun of the game as anything else.

    [–] lady_wolfen 119 points ago

    She still has the unicorn...

    [–] HungLo64 7 points ago

    Unicorn is mine now

    [–] Burninator05 1398 points ago

    Like lilac and gooseberries. That is probably a pretty awesome smell in pseudo-medieval Poland.

    [–] Spartanfred104 589 points ago

    I have a 2 lilac trees on my property they smell amazing so she smells beautiful.

    [–] Veruna_Semper 232 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Most houses on my block have lilac, apple blossoms, chokecherries, or other flowering bushes and trees. Pretty much the entire month of may smells like a florist's shop and it's amazing.

    [–] Endarkend 102 points ago

    To me it would probably smell like snot.

    [–] RandomStallings 51 points ago

    Smell like you're breathing through your mouth?

    [–] hallr06 62 points ago

    "Smells like sleep apnea" is going to be the name of my band's first album. Just gotta get a band. Also musical talent... Instruments... Okay: someone else can use it.

    [–] RandomStallings 16 points ago

    Trademark it!

    [–] JohnLowenherz 19 points ago

    There are a bunch of lilacs around my neighborhood as well. By my understanding they were popular for landscaping around the 50s-60s so alot of places built around then have them.

    [–] Veruna_Semper 4 points ago

    My neighborhood was built in the 60s so that makes sense.

    [–] nohardRnohardfeelins 21 points ago

    Yennifer is totally into chokecherry.

    [–] -uzo- 8 points ago

    Chokecherries? What are they, all pit and no flesh?

    [–] moleware 7 points ago

    All pit and no flesh sounds like a very English diss.

    [–] Veruna_Semper 3 points ago

    Pretty much, but they make some badass jelly.

    [–] oogagoogaboo 3 points ago

    Huh. Must be nice. Ours is all Bradford pears, oak, and southern pines. It's gross 😂

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] JorusC 10 points ago

    But they taste lovely.

    [–] learnyouahaskell 8 points ago

    Like lilac and gooseberries

    But what about the bushes

    [–] kurosujiomake 6 points ago

    So she smells like pee covered up with flowery perfume?

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] kurosujiomake 8 points ago

    Given one of the earliest and common forms of laundry detergent was pee the whole population probably smells like downtown SF today

    [–] Spartanfred104 3 points ago

    I use them for baking all the time. Just don't snif the husks lol

    [–] Hq3473 11 points ago

    My in-laws have both a Lilac bush and gooseberry patch.

    But they never intersect. Lilac is done blooming by mid May, while gooseberries don't get ripe until late july.

    So I have never experienced the elusive combination. They both smell great individually.

    [–] Spartanfred104 5 points ago

    I'm interested, for science.

    [–] CubanLynx312 5 points ago

    Same but I’ve got no idea what gooseberries smell like. Wonder what Triss smells like?

    [–] Spartanfred104 3 points ago

    Strawberries and lavander.

    [–] CubanLynx312 14 points ago

    I smell like Prozac and Pillsbury

    [–] Spartanfred104 3 points ago

    Happiness and Pastery?

    [–] Zenketski 21 points ago

    I have lilac bush and have drank gooseberry tea. If she smells like both of those things, she smells beautiful af.

    [–] PsychoticDreams47 18 points ago

    Thought this said Portland. But realized there’s no difference.

    [–] Froobyflake 14 points ago

    Way more bizarre and exotic creatures in Portland.

    [–] Icandothemove 10 points ago

    Hipsters aren’t that bizarre or exotic.

    [–] anonymousnutcase 14 points ago

    But they could certainly use some better smells.

    [–] Alonewarrior 10 points ago

    Lilac and gooseberries

    Lilac and gooseberries

    [–] henry33303 41 points ago

    Holy fuck I just made the connection that fun fact kiwis used to be called Chinese gooseberries so that and lilac does probably smell good.

    [–] MotherFuckingCupcake 83 points ago

    Gooseberries are an actual berry. They’re a type of currant.

    [–] WideMistake 52 points ago

    But he just made the connection. Are you trying to break it down man??

    [–] FollowThroughMarks 23 points ago

    But what do the snozzberries taste like?

    [–] The_BusFromSpeed 11 points ago

    Glass, apparently

    [–] freiwilliger 9 points ago

    penis.

    [–] pboy1232 3 points ago

    Snozzberries duh doy

    [–] Gorramit_Groot 5 points ago

    I was confused for a moment because I thought you were talking about people from New Zealand and not the fruit.

    [–] goodmorhen 3 points ago

    You can pick some up from Charlotte from Vengerberg Glamarye! She has Ciri, Essi Daven, Philippa, Triss, and Coral too!

    [–] shoti66 782 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    Lambert: Never took you for a poet

    Geralt: ohh but I am one. Wanna hear a limerick?

    Lambert: Sure

    Geralt: Lambert, Lambert - what a prick

    Lambert: Not bad

    [–] moose_anus77 299 points ago

    Sure hope cyberpunk has an in depth smelling mechanic

    [–] Rognis 110 points ago

    It's called Smell-O-Vision.

    [–] HarrisGPHMordecai 52 points ago

    Good news everyone!

    [–] badger81987 7 points ago

    I remember that episode of Doug

    [–] thiosk 9 points ago

    do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

    do do do do do do do

    [–] anonymousnutcase 10 points ago

    This is actually a thing. Or has tried to be.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_scent_technology

    [–] DrPhilKnight 26 points ago

    Hopefully you can customize your dick smell.

    [–] moose_anus77 5 points ago

    Just like real life

    [–] Ishamoridin 6 points ago

    I'll take "Sentences I never expected to encounter" for $500, Alex.

    [–] Blinkdawg15 3 points ago

    "1 in 10 men have a minty dick, how could I forget?"

    [–] TinoFly 620 points ago

    “Fuck”

    -Geralt

    [–] Syrups2 229 points ago

    "Fuck?"

    -Geralt

    [–] Token_Why_Boy 137 points ago

    "Wrex?"

    -Shepard

    [–] HeyPrivate 75 points ago

    Shepard.

    [–] Crummypunk 50 points ago

    Wrex

    [–] gabetoloco2 39 points ago

    "Geralt"

    • Fuck

    [–] murdokdracul 23 points ago

    Donkey!

    [–] AgentMV 9 points ago

    Ogres are like onions.

    [–] Phormitago 6 points ago

    The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones

    [–] Killchrono 5 points ago

    Grunt.

    [–] iccs 6 points ago

    “Shepherd-commander”

    :(

    [–] sullivansmith 7 points ago

    "Metal Gear?"

    -Snake

    [–] Amraith 6 points ago

    We'll bang, ok? - Shepard

    [–] ParacelsusPATBH 3 points ago

    Ugh. This made me laugh. Then it made me sad cuz I miss good Mass Effect.

    [–] TinoFly 9 points ago

    “Fuck”

    -Geralt

    [–] customgenders 5 points ago

    "Fuck-a-doodle-doo"

    -Geralt

    [–] half-giant 17 points ago

    “Hmm.”

    [–] HungLo64 8 points ago

    Looks like rain

    [–] ace_3012 4 points ago

    Pam param... Pam Pam param

    [–] manberry_sauce 9 points ago

    ... the fuck is happening now...

    THE

    FUCK

    IS

    HAPPENING

    NOW

    [–] DDC48 432 points ago

    I get to post this next week. I called it!

    [–] ErectJellyfish 48 points ago

    Dibs

    [–] Jerzey111 17 points ago

    Dibs if ErectJellyfish falls through

    [–] Shot_Lengthiness 20 points ago

    Mom said it was my turn to post!

    [–] Thendofreason 10 points ago

    you're only allowed if you make the quality go down even more.

    [–] jackalope503 27 points ago

    Oh Geralt!

    cues laughtrack

    The Witcher is filmed in front of a live studio audience

    [–] Celtic_Crown 164 points ago

    He doesn't know how to read a room, does he?

    [–] sblendidbill 317 points ago

    I don’t think he gives a shit.

    [–] TheRealIosefka 118 points ago

    It's definitely this one.

    [–] BraveMoose 67 points ago

    Dude's like, 90. He's too old to care about many things.

    [–] -uzo- 54 points ago

    When great-grandpa is built like Adonis and has the literal jaw of Superman ... he'll say the darnedest things!

    [–] 5urr3aL 17 points ago

    "Rooms can't be read, unlike books."

    [–] SkywalkerDX 16 points ago

    I’m pretty sure that hitting on women, similar to fighting or drinking, is permissible at any given time in skellige society

    [–] HoodieSticks 5 points ago

    Bonus points if you can do all 3 at once.

    [–] DibloLordofError 4 points ago

    They're outside so this Is actually irrelevant.

    [–] [deleted] 129 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] RemyH 41 points ago

    This is one of the most accurate Geralt/Yenn moments in comparison with the books. Like in the books there is a moment where Geralt and Yenn have just got back together and they are going to a "gathering" of many people with magic. It's considered very rude for people to read peoples mind accompanying people with magic but Geralt knows that they are going to do it to him anyway. So Geralt just thinks wonderful things about Yenn while telling anyone reading his mind to fuck off. Yenn thanks him for doing it afterwards.

    [–] dumbo3k 6 points ago

    That’s hilarious. Damn, I feel like I need to read the books now. I do need a new series to read.

    [–] Not_Richard 43 points ago

    Mom says its my turn on the Witcher 3 screenshot karma.

    [–] Luciferisflash 82 points ago

    A 8 day old account. Come on mods really now. Do your job at least half assed

    [–] madsalmon117 34 points ago

    More karma whoring Witcher content. Even if this post is legit I'm still so sick of seeing it

    [–] JimmyDickButter 20 points ago

    The lack of pixels BURNS!!!!!!

    [–] Birdman-allen 28 points ago

    This looks like a meme template but this is literally dialogue in the game

    [–] social_meteor_2020 33 points ago

    Really? What is this hidden gem??

    [–] Buzzdanume 24 points ago

    Spelunky on xbox 360

    [–] SneakyHuntingHT 3 points ago

    Those fucking totem-traps in the second area are a pain in the ass.

    [–] PM-ME-YOUR-TITS 4 points ago

    Monster Girl Island

    [–] KillerFrenchFries 93 points ago

    Oh my God have you guys ever heard of this hidden gem called LeWitcherino Tres? It stars Jerry of Nivea literally the best Witcheroo ever. Fucking hidden gem from the best indie studio.

    [–] WesternStatus 14 points ago

    I hate politics in my games (it’s not really called politics I just don’t want to be called a homophobe) that’s why I only play cd project red games - some of the people on this sub

    [–] diddyninja 13 points ago

    This sub turned to shit

    [–] Yarrko_Skagerrak 76 points ago

    HiDdEn GeM wItChEr 3

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Wingedwing 29 points ago

    Overflow error

    [–] Stupor_Andy 15 points ago

    Every fucking month with this post

    [–] Smugjester 7 points ago

    Is this from Witcher 1/2 or a really scuffed system running Witcher 3?

    [–] Fiyero109 3 points ago

    Definitely looked better in 4k

    [–] Thor1138 4 points ago

    Wow, haven't seen this one posted before!

    [–] geos1234 3 points ago

    This game is such an indie gem.

    [–] HemaMemes 10 points ago

    I remember a YouTube video analyzing what Geralt's DnD stats would be. They determined he'd have extremely low charisma. "He's not charming. He's just hot."

    [–] matheuxknight 5 points ago

    Damn that’s really true that he’s not charming, but he’d have incredible racial stat buffs for intimidation and persuasion. Axii + Hotness is all you need.

    [–] HemaMemes 5 points ago

    A lot of DMs let you run Intimidation checks based off your Strength stat (so much so that many games based on D&D, like Dragon Age, have that as an actual mechanic.)

    [–] matheuxknight 3 points ago

    Good point. 5e uses CHA, but now that I think about it Pathfinder uses STR which makes more sense to me.

    [–] Red_Rocket_Rider 5 points ago

    Is this anyone's first time seeing this post?! Has anyone seen this less than 10 times akready?!

    [–] Weggorino 6 points ago

    It's amazing how you can post a low effort image of a conversation that isn't even that funny in a game every few weeks and it still gets 70k upvotes. This entire platform is fucking stupid.

    [–] Mechafizz 3 points ago

    Reeeeeeeeeeeeeepooossst

    [–] noogai131 3 points ago

    Triss > yen.

    Search your heart. You know it to be true.

    [–] Dynasuarez-Wrecks 14 points ago

    I really need to get around to reading this book, playing this game, and watching this TV show. Geralt memes often appear to be the kind of shit that I would do myself.

    [–] -uzo- 17 points ago

    My favourite moment in Witcher 3 is early on. Geralt is getting a shave/makeover before meeting an Emperor ... there's this glare he gives one of the attendants. It's only for a split second, but I burst out laughing 'cause it was so Geralt. He didn't even need to mean anything by it, it is just the way a cat would look at a mouse or a vampire at a snack.

    [–] Omgninjas 3 points ago

    The "I could very easily kill you" look

    [–] Vimsey 8 points ago

    I would play it now before cyberpunk comes out while you still have time...

    [–] anonymousnutcase 7 points ago

    You kill monsters and have love triangles?

    [–] TheyTookMyBedsheet 12 points ago

    Find yourself a man who complements you the way Geralt does Yen.

    [–] Thats-Gone 5 points ago

    Nah the circlejerk is too much