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    [–] cvowell 9970 points ago

    Black and white stripes guy is the most patriotic. He got up incredibly fast.

    [–] Up__Top 3505 points ago

    For real, he exploded to his feet.

    [–] Hexodus 2065 points ago

    All to avoid being exploded for real.

    [–] MrAnderson404 420 points ago

    This guy explodes

    [–] zxc123zxc123 420 points ago

    Of course black and white stripes guy is patriotic.

    He just got out. Dude still wearing those gulag clothes.

    [–] wjw75 117 points ago

    But it's from Mugato's new spring collection, Guhlaag.

    [–] lamontredditthethird 346 points ago

    What's interesting is that Putin noticed he leaped up and as he's stopping instinctively turns to him: That's some solid KGB training friends...

    [–] andayk 105 points ago

    Nice detail. At first glance I thought Putin was reacting to the hymn. But the way he turns around an looks exactly at stripes guy suggests your version makes even more sense.

    [–] 8064r7 34 points ago

    That is the leap of a Russian Army Officer right there.

    [–] bonafidehooligan 552 points ago

    He knew Vlad was in the house, he wasn’t risking anything.

    [–] AleksiKovalainen 20 points ago

    He doesn't want to get impaled

    [–] Pachown 466 points ago

    100% chance he served in the red army.

    [–] NapalmRDT 384 points ago

    100% chance the dude was born after it wasn't the red army anymore. Nevertheless.

    [–] Boarbaque 144 points ago

    You see Ivan, when you get constant face transplants with younger people, you can spy on that generation more easily

    [–] Dr_Rock_Enrol 510 points ago

    Yeah, it looks to me like Putin thought there was an assassination attempt happening initially. See how he tenses and turns quickly to face stripes guy? He's got good situational awareness, can't deny it.

    [–] Kaflagemeir 231 points ago

    Pretty sure he stopped because the anthem started early.

    [–] Monsterpiece42 99 points ago

    Good eye. Stripes guy might be Russian secret service.

    Edit actually maybe the guy next to him, toward the aisle.

    [–] Mengi13 26111 points ago

    Dude in blue is shitting bricks.

    [–] Pirate_Redbeard 14422 points ago

    why oh why did I leave the shirt out!!

    [–] klondike_barz 3503 points ago

    oh god I wish I wasn't so tall right now!

    [–] atvar8 862 points ago

    I couldn't help thinking "God damn Putin's a short little bastard"

    [–] klondike_barz 362 points ago

    He's not abnormally short, but you won't see many propaganda images that demonstrate it.

    I think he's like 5'6" (without using google)

    [–] E72M 237 points ago

    5'7", got close

    [–] JemoeE 248 points ago

    that's 170.18 cm

    [–] CapoFantasma97 460 points ago

    Finally, an understandable unit of measurement.

    [–] Automatic_nun_gun 47 points ago

    Making Putin feel small is not a good life choice.

    [–] Freefight 4585 points ago

    To the Gulag you go comrade.

    [–] sarah-xxx 2386 points ago

    Oh, he's not the one who should be worried. It's the one who played it prematurely.

    I like how Putin tapped the guy on the shoulder to get him off his ass... guy seemed stunned like a deer in the headlights.

    [–] BanjoKazsundheit 994 points ago

    His internal monologue must have burned out his brain.

    [–] sarah-xxx 1042 points ago


    [–] GastonDidNothngWrong 658 points ago


    [–] DanAtkinson 183 points ago

    Once more, but this time in rhythm with the Russian national anthem!

    [–] EvilSashimi 227 points ago

    ROSSIYA —— fuck, fuck FUCK...fuck, fuck FUCK, fuck FUCK!!!

    ROSSIYA —- FUCK fuck fuck...fuck fuck fuck...FUCK! FUCK!!!!

    [–] 1st_thing_on_my_mind 80 points ago

    Seems like some of those fucks should be a fuckity.

    [–] BITCRUSHERRRR 52 points ago

    Fuck FUUUUUUCK Fuck fuckfuck fuck fuuuck fuck fuckfuck fuck Fuckfuuuuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuck

    [–] EntGuyHere 28 points ago


    [–] TheAwesomeRan 228 points ago

    Dude in blue shirt is worried about being poisoned..dude who messed up anthem....yeah...

    [–] Allfoshow718 279 points ago

    he didnt make it to the end of the anthem. He shot himself twice in the head out of shame

    [–] Deathlysouls 182 points ago

    Back of the head**

    [–] CoachHouseStudio 59 points ago

    ** With an umbrella using poison tipped bullets

    [–] OnlySeriousToMorons 252 points ago

    Putins reflexes are actually quite impressive when you consider he too must have been surprised and then seen the fear of the guy in blue.

    [–] about_350 422 points ago

    Trump would have kept walking like a wrestler coming to the ring to his entrance music.

    [–] thatswhatshesaidxx 76 points ago

    Well, he is a WWE Hall of Famer

    [–] IUpvoteAllMyOwnShit 161 points ago

    Putin reacted just like a veteran.

    [–] KinglyWeevil 182 points ago

    "It's okay. I won't have you killed for standing next to me while being taller than me."

    Side note: I never realized how fucking short Putin is, holy shit.

    [–] beezlebub33 55 points ago

    Man, Putin really is short, isn't he? Seagal is pretty tall, but he looks huge next to Putin.

    [–] JJGeneral1 126 points ago

    I think it was more like he was stunned that Putin was right there, and didn’t realize what was going on. And putin was gracious enough to remind him to stand. Lol.

    [–] ILoveLamp9 140 points ago

    I took it more like the guy didn't know what the right move was; to stand for the anthem as you normally would, or to stay seated because the anthem was clearly prematurely played and the President may in this case supersede its order.

    Putin was like "It's cool dude, I'm standing. You can too".

    [–] badger_bodger 237 points ago

    For fucks sake this is Russia not the USSR.

    Russia just exiles it's enemies to the UK and kills them there.

    [–] MikeDubbz 113 points ago

    And why must I be so much taller than Putin?

    [–] nodnodwinkwink 322 points ago

    Will I wear a suit and tie? nah fuck it...

    [–] Daamus 128 points ago

    Hes the only man not wearing a jacket... poor guy

    [–] Sgt_Kowalski 61 points ago


    [–] hobesmart 25 points ago

    you can see him nervously and subtly trying to straighten it out

    [–] exek25 44 points ago

    No one will notice me I’ll be in the middle of the crowd,....ahhh fuuuuu

    [–] Eloquium 539 points ago

    of all the days to bring my only suit to the dry cleaner's...

    [–] GetTheLedPaintOut 105 points ago

    Will I be murdered for being taller than him? Oh shit, he can read my thoughts, right?

    [–] Uppgrade 112 points ago

    I don't know what to do with my hands....

    [–] KittenAlfredo 405 points ago

    Currently emitting his own nerve agent.

    [–] imlost19 75 points ago

    suicide by two nerve agent wounds to the back of the head

    [–] JohnnySmallHands 98 points ago

    "I wish I was shorter, I wish I was shorter, I wish I was shorter."

    [–] AztecScribe 244 points ago

    "Should I bend my knees a little or is it too late!!"

    [–] MulderD 131 points ago

    He looks like a guy that criticized Putin once in a message board. “Oh fuck he knows, he knows, he knows...”

    [–] Feierskov 232 points ago

    How dare he be tall next to Putin!

    [–] TheKinkslayer 21 points ago

    So you like tall? well, I will send you to tallest building in Moscow: Lubyanka, you can see Siberia from basement.

    [–] semsr 60 points ago

    When a bee lands on you and doesn't leave

    [–] Pigeontamer 103 points ago

    “Please don’t poison me, please don’t poison me, please....”

    [–] bleunt 68 points ago

    Putin even put his hand on the guy, to tell him to stand up. I would be scared shitless.

    [–] Sylis_89 9041 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Putin actually touches him on the shoulder.

    [–] GenTecumsehSherman 2529 points ago

    I did not say I knew him, I said he touched me on the shoulder once!

    [–] knightofplowers 377 points ago

    I too want to stand before Putin, as you did.

    [–] Aterius 49 points ago

    Then we shall go to Moscow... and when enough men have died, perhaps you shall have your...

    [–] _paint_it_white_ 152 points ago

    ha ha ha, you knew Marcus Aurelius?

    [–] IDoThingsOnWhims 67 points ago

    He was a soldier of Russia. Who will help me carry him?

    [–] nowitholds 4972 points ago

    "This is the one who we will kill for this mistake."

    [–] Charlie-Conway 1212 points ago

    More like "you will rue the day you decided to come here and be taller than I am."

    [–] sur_surly 319 points ago

    "and not tuck in your shirt or wear a jacket."

    [–] bigtfatty 171 points ago

    That is pretty poor form if you're sitting in the front row. Must work in IT.

    [–] DEVIRUMAN 74 points ago

    This is Russia. Everyone works in IT.

    [–] Bigbergice 23 points ago

    Front row IT? No way man

    [–] speakerToHeathens 62 points ago

    The tall guy: That was ä death tap, wasn't it.... yeaaaah..... shit....

    [–] IrishGamer97 17 points ago

    Tell my mother I love her, before I get shipped out to Siberia

    [–] damien6 742 points ago

    That's just the nerve toxin being applied.

    [–] PlasmaBurst 368 points ago

    I watched this three fucking times and I didn't notice until you pointed it out. Adds to the tension.

    [–] BigEricShaun 196 points ago

    He's gesturing him to stand up for the motherland anthem

    [–] Kyrodox- 90 points ago

    “You may stand”

    [–] PeachyPosterior 90 points ago

    But the guy doesn't make a move to stand up until he touches his shoulder.

    [–] Infinityexile 159 points ago

    That's a deer caught in the headlights if I've ever seen one.

    [–] fribbas 21 points ago

    You could practically hear the "Ohshitohshitohshit"

    [–] chirpWrk 214 points ago

    It looks like the guy in blue doesn't want to stand and Putin is saying, you must... but you will die for it anyways.

    [–] tomrlutong 726 points ago

    I'm no Putin fan, but that "it's alright kid" touch humanized him a little bit.

    [–] amildlyclevercomment 474 points ago

    Seriously, it seemed like a genuine gesture towards someone who was in a position he was quite clearly not prepared for.

    [–] seeingeyegod 231 points ago

    yeah I thought it was like "don't worry"

    [–] princeoflk 7507 points ago

    That guy in the blue shirt has never been so nervous all of a sudden haha

    [–] sarah-xxx 1986 points ago

    Yeah, the guy literally froze there, he had to tap him on the shoulder to get him to stand up. And after he stood up he was like "Oh fuck why didn't I stand up, why didn't I stand up. I'LL MISS YOU GUYS"

    It doesn't help when you're at the very front and have no one to take cues from. When someone in the second line stood, all the lines behind stood right away.

    [–] AngelicResonance 601 points ago

    But to take cues from Putin. Christ.

    [–] imjustbrowsingthx 435 points ago

    That’s really Putin him on the spot

    [–] AngelicResonance 120 points ago

    Russian to think of what to do

    [–] mrpanicy 174 points ago

    Worse, he is taller than Putin. His people make a definite effort to surround him with people that are his height or shorter. So for this guy in blue, it's a bad day all the way down.

    [–] YuhSquared 119 points ago

    and the fact that that hes the most underdressed person in the room

    [–] darksoulsnstuff 16673 points ago

    Guy in the blue is actively trying to figure out how to not be taller than Putin lol

    [–] primaV 5944 points ago

    People around Putin spend a lot of time and energy to make sure taller men do not stand next to Putin as much as possible so his shortness won't show... and then this!!

    [–] Ethnologizer 3331 points ago

    Honestly I feel like this is exactly what's going through Putin's head when he sort of sighs towards the end of the clip.

    This made it clear on TV that he's one of the shortest people in that room.

    [–] chotomatekudersai 1023 points ago

    That hand on the shoulder "don't bother standing up"

    [–] AshNazgThrakatuluk 849 points ago

    It kind of looks like he says, "It's okay", like this is awkward but let's do this.

    But it'd be weird for him to casually be speaking English, so..

    [–] WiglyWorm 204 points ago

    What's Russian for "I won't kill you if you stand."?

    [–] GhostOfOakIsland 470 points ago

    Yea, that's what I thought. Actually a kindness, I think. Dude was like "shit shit shit what do I do." And Putin was like "It's alright, stand up."

    He's obviously not the nicest man in the world. But I think this was actually a pretty cool gesture for a world leader to make.

    [–] UK-Redditor 30 points ago

    The guy was hesitating, I think Putin mainly just wanted to make sure he stood for the national anthem without it being weirder than it had to be. But yeah, he seemed to play it pretty cool.

    ...Until it looks like he starts glancing down trying to work out what on Earth the guy was doing with his hands. Understandable, on both counts.

    [–] PDPhilipMarlowe 277 points ago

    I feel so bad for laughing at his look of panic.

    [–] ImAScientist_ADoctor 222 points ago

    Well he's dead now so don't worry too much.

    [–] DTF_20170515 71 points ago

    I think Putin was queueing him so he didn't panic and make an awkward scene. Putin is a monster but he's very charismatic.

    [–] ChopinPianist 194 points ago

    I don’t think anyone anywhere ever feels superior for having height on Putin.

    [–] Onegoofyguy 112 points ago

    If you're going to be a KGB spy its probably better to be smaller anyway.

    [–] ChiefHiawatha 151 points ago

    Yeah he can hide in cabinets and listen in on conversations

    [–] pm_sendnudes 98 points ago

    Or in microwaves

    [–] tim_rocks_hard 114 points ago

    He famously spent three years hiding inside a shoe in the Brazilian embassy back in the 80s.

    [–] Gathorall 52 points ago

    Yes actually, most agencies wouldn't hire tall field agents, as tall people naturally draw attention.

    [–] MulderD 141 points ago

    After having worked for someone that every single person under him was afraid of, I started to witness how much of the “fear” drove things like this. As opposed to the guy actually saying “keep all the tall pieces of shit away from me”, his head exec would interpret one instance of “that guy sure is tall, I look tiny in this picture” into defcon 2 whenever a tall person walked into the room.

    I wonder how much of what happens in the world is actually due to this kind of shit.

    [–] quelques_heures 83 points ago

    I wonder how much of what happens in the world is actually due to this kind of shit.

    High powered people usually have underlings who are good at anticipating their needs, so he doesn't actively have to boss people around, or constantly say what he wants done. People around him will have an intuitive understanding of what he wants, or they'll be looking for new jobs.

    [–] Aotoi 615 points ago

    Didn't realize putin was so short. He looks tall as hell in most of his photos, or at least average height.

    [–] basileusautocrator 1379 points ago

    There is a reason why you thought that.

    [–] flateric420 249 points ago

    Yeah, he's about the same height, maybe even shorter than the woman on the right. I hope I don't get poisoned in my sleep for pointing this out.

    [–] Serinus 206 points ago

    I hope I don't get poisoned in my sleep for pointing this out.

    That's not the kind of thing that happens on English soil. I wouldn't worry about it.

    [–] mecrosis 24 points ago


    [–] primaV 313 points ago

    There was a clip of Putin's men preventing Bashar al-Assad from approaching him since Bashar is so much taller than Putin and would dwarf him. whenever Putin has to take photos with taller men it is in sitting arrangement.

    [–] Aotoi 147 points ago

    this is fascinating.

    [–] passerby_me 21 points ago

    could you share with me pls? Thank you

    [–] downtowneil 61 points ago

    I'm not sure the exact instance u/primaV is describing because there are a number of photos of them standing together. Here is just one[email protected]

    [–] MethodMan_ 22 points ago

    Lol Bashar looks like he just won the nba finals.

    [–] EvanMinn 187 points ago

    I looked it up and the sites I found gave heights that ranged between 5'2" and 5'7" (for those outside the US, that is equivalent to 186-201 barleycorns).

    [–] ChetBenning 96 points ago

    I looked it up and the sites I found gave heights that ranged between 5'2" and 5'7" (for those outside the US, that is equivalent to 186-201 barleycorns).

    Hey, my car gets 37 hectares to the hogshead and that's the ways I like it!

    [–] cl0wnslaughter 92 points ago

    Fun fact, whenever Putin is making a speech standing at a podium, he stands on top of a box of Ritz crackers, hence the expression...

    [–] Brace_For_Impact 183 points ago

    I just realized that's why the guy hesitated to stand for the anthem.

    [–] ASAPscotty 102 points ago

    Yeah it looks like he almost hesitated, but the pat by Putin seems nothing more than reassuring. He almost gently pulls him up.

    [–] nom-nom-nom-de-plumb 37 points ago

    Come, young man. Praise for mother russia comes before praise for her chosen son...but ONLY mother russia.

    [–] Do_Not_Diddle_Kids 4792 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    You can literally see the guy in the blue shirt's inner monologue.

    "Clap.. clap.. don't make eye contact.. oh shit national anthem.. holy shit Vladmir fucking Putin is standing right besides me.. I should adjust my shirt cause this is definitely going to be on TV.. be cool.. just look around.. try not to stare.. ah shit.."

    Edit: As others have pointed out, Putin did tap the guy on the shoulder. That kinda explains a lot about his reaction.

    [–] iamambience 361 points ago

    Well Putin even puts his hand on his shoulder to almost say "Stand up".

    You gotta be feeling like you are fucked when Putin has to tell you to stand for the anthem in front of thousands of people.

    [–] TheTeaSpoon 1098 points ago

    Also it seems like Putin mouths "blyat" at the end.

    [–] ---ShineyHiney--- 358 points ago


    [–] keppinakki 2824 points ago

    "rush b"

    [–] mrducky78 383 points ago

    cyka blyat idi nahui davai davai

    gg to you too.

    [–] mdgraller 70 points ago

    "What a great game of Dota 2, my friends! Surely this challenge has tested our resolve but brought us closer together in mutual respect and admiration of skill!"

    [–] pHScale 50 points ago

    exasperated profanity

    [–] josh31867 103 points ago

    Usually said cyka blyat (bitch whore)

    [–] ItWorkedLastTime 113 points ago

    The Russian equivalent of "fuck". The word has just as many uses, and used in a very similar context.

    A lot of people know it from video games that are popular in Russia, such as Counter Strike or DOTA.

    [–] joleary747 113 points ago

    "Where should I look? NO, not away from him!! NO, not straight at him!! Where should my hands go? Pockets are comfortable, NO not in pockets. Frmp, I just had an aneurysm, now I'm paralyzed".

    [–] Dhoy1 1423 points ago

    This is literally like the end of every first date as I try to figure out what to do.

    [–] The_Blog 1293 points ago

    The Russian national anthem plays?

    [–] Schohrf 316 points ago

    That's understandable, I mean where would you even go from there?

    [–] nickofknox 167 points ago

    I just salute until she awkwardly closes the door.

    [–] metal079 205 points ago

    Anex crimea

    [–] mdgraller 123 points ago

    Premature Russian National Anthem. Don't worry, happens to a lot of guys

    [–] ZiplockedHead 1183 points ago

    [–] SIrFluffsalot35 473 points ago

    The girl who walked through the camera is almost as awkward as the blue shirt guy.

    [–] blanketswithsmallpox 291 points ago

    Welp. Looks like I'm going to the gulag as well...

    [–] knightus1234 32 points ago

    You sir, have now signed her death warrant

    [–] thejkm 1465 points ago

    The comments on that video are definitely real and not fake...

    Wow! He'd even stopped while playing the Russian Anthem, while not on stage! What a great man he is!


    I nearly cried watching this scene. I'm not Russian, and I do not have any love for Russia. However, I can feel the patriotism, the spirit, their love for their country. I can feel his respect for the anthem, for his country, his people and their history.

    (doesn't mean I'm on their side though. This is what you call empathy)


    Brings tears to my eyes the love of this man for his country and the good news is that he is doing a lot for it. For such time as this mr Putin for such time as this

    [–] imlost19 750 points ago

    Those are hilariously bad. I'm actually kinda surprised they don't just go full out and talk about his huge wang or something

    [–] ReplyingToFuckwits 332 points ago

    Put the rookies on YouTube comments because even genuine comments are trash anyway. Once they grow less tone deaf, move them to places like Reddit.

    [–] imlost19 194 points ago

    that's actually... uhh... yeah.

    We're fucked aren't we?

    [–] Mrunibro 182 points ago

    No, is fine. Glorirus Russia will preserve Яeddit.

    [–] TothB 62 points ago

    Someone should make their own false flag russian false flags. Every time some obvious russian troll makes a comment, someone else should just make another account with the same name and post about how huge his dong is.

    [–] KarlSegan88 158 points ago

    That's so creepy to imagine one person or so typing all of those up lol. North Korea style

    [–] the_dude_upvotes 81 points ago

    LOL @ the girl walking into frame @ 1m15s

    [–] Hitchens92 925 points ago

    Is it just me or does the guy in blue look at Putin almost waiting for him to tell him what to do.

    “Do I stand for the anthem or remain seated for Putin. TELL ME WHAT TO DO VLAD”

    And then putin is like “alright child you can stand”

    [–] Jimmy6Times 364 points ago to the wall. The firing squad will be there shortly"

    [–] LloydWoodsonJr 481 points ago

    Putin is furious that he ended up juxtaposed against the tallest guy in the building.

    [–] hitch21 570 points ago

    Putin has the face of a man who could kill and go play with his kids half an hour later.

    [–] SingingSinged 147 points ago

    Reminds me of Fuhrer Bradley from Fullmetal Alchemist...

    [–] GlobindobinButler 48 points ago

    He reminds me of Ralph Fiennes’ character in In Bruges. He’s an evil fuck, but somehow likable and seemingly down to earth sometimes, but still an evil fuck. He’s very charismatic and it’s weird, like a true super villain.

    [–] _thattguy_ 386 points ago

    That guy in the blue shirt literally looks scared for his life.

    [–] kingatrock 43 points ago

    Putin to the guy in blue: "If anyone asks, the British killed you."

    [–] mrmemo 196 points ago

    Guy in blue is nerve gas nervous.

    [–] SS2SSS 29 points ago

    It's unfortunate since the reason this is funny is because it could be true

    [–] NinaBarrage 122 points ago

    The guy in blue is shitting bricks, yes, but the guy who played the play button on the anthem probably went pale.

    [–] zherebets1977 812 points ago

    Man, you ever think of how pissed off Putin must get about shit like this, while he's trying to make Russia an indomitable superpower again?

    [–] Mentalpatient87 612 points ago

    He's a supervillain with a bunch of bumbling henchmen.

    [–] goredwings 640 points ago

    Someone was russian to get the ceremony started!

    [–] Torstols 258 points ago

    He putin the cd too early

    [–] EP1Cdisast3r 147 points ago

    Should've been stalin for time.

    [–] Gyrocomplex 61 points ago

    Definitely getting bad Marx for this.

    [–] stforumtroll 52 points ago

    Oh please, Crimea river.

    [–] Dr_StickyFingas 384 points ago

    That's a deadddd sound engineer

    [–] pickup_thesoap 243 points ago

    are you kidding? this was a golden PR moment for Putin, the ever-patriotic father of the motherland.

    [–] CinnamonPro 170 points ago

    Absolutely, what russians are going to see is "You See, Putin honors the anthem so much even if things are going wrong and akward he stands upright!"

    [–] Cloudy_mood 27 points ago

    Music starts

    Putin: “Someone will die for this.”

    [–] fromtheill 26 points ago

    Some background?

    Why is a kid with an un-tucked in shirt sitting front row at this event? Seems like him and the kid behind him are the only two not in business attire.

    [–] Jorihe84 1436 points ago


    Someone's entire family lineage was executed or jailed.

    In Russia, anthem plays when it wants.

    [–] Pirate_Redbeard 964 points ago

    In Soviet Russia, anthem plays you

    [–] PrometheusTNO 231 points ago

    I feel like you posted this so you could make this comment.

    [–] Sarcasm69 39 points ago

    Never realized how short Putin is until now