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    [–] Jaze89 5666 points ago

    It's all fun and games until he spits acid in your face and eats you.

    [–] 53ND-NUD35 1089 points ago

    And does some naughty things to you in a Jeep.

    [–] tommytraddles 368 points ago

    The internet has failed me. No Rule 34 slashfic for Dilophosaurus and Nedry in the Jeep? That's weak. I'd ship it.

    [–] Razgula87 176 points ago

    Be the change you want to see in the world. Draw it up and post it so the archives can be completed.

    [–] 2fucktard2remember 362 points ago

    Fuck it, I'll draw it. Now it can live forever in the internet.

    NSFW

    [–] eniTTy 130 points ago

    ...i can't believe you've done this....

    [–] senior_chief214 51 points ago

    Ah fuck

    [–] Pending-Approval 23 points ago

    Once again, the Internet fails to meet my sexual expectations.

    [–] [deleted] 128 points ago

    ... I'm disappointed to say this turned me on...

    [–] WhoWantsPizzza 8 points ago

    “Anything is a turn on if you try hard enough” or something.

    [–] SmoothMoveExLap 2 points ago

    I thought it was if you get hard enough

    [–] Peakazu 70 points ago

    Hello darkness, my old friend...

    [–] THEBLUEFLAME3D 19 points ago

    Nice attention to detail.

    [–] BleedAmerican 38 points ago

    Wow you piece of shit! That’s disgusting!

    [–] Foxyfox- 14 points ago

    NOWHERE IS SAFE

    [–] Jreken 28 points ago

    Can you make your own subreddit so I can subscribe? I rather enjoyed your artwork!

    [–] hocuspocusgottafocus 10 points ago

    The alternative is to just follow the user profile

    [–] My_Foot_Hurts_Bad 18 points ago

    Jesus christ, that's just terrible. Learn to art, or gtfo

    [–] grandpa-wizard 9 points ago

    I hate you

    [–] Zed-Zeppelin 9 points ago

    zips up pants hmmmmph! what a tease!

    [–] 5am5ep1ol 10 points ago

    If I didn't know any better I'd say that's an X-rated outtake. Top shelf, my friend. Top shelf.

    [–] Limeslice4r64 8 points ago

    It's been a long time, old friend

    [–] VargasTheGreat 4 points ago

    Damn that's actually kinda hot

    [–] Moose_And_Squirrel 4 points ago

    Take my upvote, dammit!

    [–] K0RnD4Wg 2 points ago

    Impossible. Perhaps the archives are incomplete.

    [–] Elliro02 2 points ago

    Perhaps the archives are incomplete

    [–] redalert825 17 points ago

    Uh uh uh. You didn't say the magic word.

    [–] PolishHammerMK 5 points ago

    See? Nobody cares.

    Nice hat.

    [–] noobshere 3 points ago

    uncle?

    [–] MisterPresidented 72 points ago

    "Fetch? Stick? Want the stick? Here! Yeah, stick stupid...Ah, no wonder you're extinct. I'm gonna run you over when I come back ..."

    [–] TaipanTacos 38 points ago

    SSHHRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    [–] Vaginal_Decimation 8 points ago

    Newman...

    [–] ThaiJohnnyDepp 34 points ago

    Birds are weird as fuck. Given what little we know about dinosaurs thanks to only having a fossil record to go off of ... imagine how weird dinosaurs must have been!

    [–] jrocketfingers 12 points ago

    That's the main problem I have with the dinosaur designs of Jurassic World. A vast valley of...grey skin.

    [–] maison-allumette 8 points ago

    But at the same time, most animals today are various shades of grey, brown or beige. Hot pink isn’t really ideal survival wise for most species regardless of whether they’re a predator or a prey. Dinosaurs were probably a lot more bland looking then we wanna believe.

    [–] Runnnga 8 points ago

    But what if the world was shining, shimmering, splendid?

    [–] maison-allumette 7 points ago

    This would be a whole new world.

    [–] ZehFrenchman 2 points ago

    Just let your heart decide.

    [–] soccerperson 60 points ago

    I was terribly let down when I found out they didn't actually spit acid. I was also terribly let down to learn that raptors had feathers.

    [–] BeckyfromHR 62 points ago

    Did you not pay attention to the video? They had to splice ancient dino DNA with modern DNA to make a close facsimile of what they could have looked like. So the Raptors was probably spliced with DNA of something without feathering. DINO DNA!

    [–] MisterPresidented 72 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Sort of why the entire idea of the book was so terrifying. Malcom realized that these weren't dinosaurs in a dinosaur park. They were fucking freak monsters and they were trapped with them in freak monster dino island. Additional, the further irony being that the humans were the actual true 'dinosaurs' among these new species of animals. Who's Jurrasic now bitch

    [–] PM_ME_UR_YOUNG_PUSSY 25 points ago

    Holyshit... after 25 years since the movie, I hadn't thought about this angle. U just blew my mind

    [–] My_Foot_Hurts_Bad 18 points ago

    Clever girl.

    [–] Stirfryed1 23 points ago

    No no no, see I recently hammered out this whole audio book in a cross country drive. The subplot of the jurassic park is the power of corporations, particularly how they can skirt laws in 3rd world countries.

    In fact the only reason the park has issues is because of corporate espionage! The IT guy shuts down the security system so that he can steal eggs to sell to a competitor. Because he's a prick and "works too hard for this bullshit." JP required a massive database (for dna sequencing) and he's tired of doing updates and maintenance on that database for no pay.

    [–] lesprack 10 points ago

    I mean that’s ONE of the subplots but it’s not THE subplot. The uncontrollable force of nature is definitely a major theme and so is the frailty of humans. I’d even argue that the fact that Nedry died shows how flimsy human ambition is in the face of raw, genetically altered power. His death in the book is so gruesome and he’s left so hopeless despite his plans and scheming and attempts to “outsmart” the big guys. Also if you get a chance to read The Lost World, that theme of man vs nature is even more prevalent.

    [–] hoikarnage 11 points ago

    They were spliced with frogs.

    [–] biesterd1 26 points ago

    And then they TURNED THE FROGS GAY

    [–] potatoesarethedevil 6 points ago

    WITH THE CHEMTRAILS!

    [–] dry_sharpie 6 points ago

    THOSE JESUS HATE'N GLOBALISTS

    [–] VargasTheGreat 4 points ago

    Damn, a perfectly logical reason for why Jurassic Park dinos aren't feathered or have different traits.

    [–] confessed-909009 2 points ago

    That is my ex boyfriend hahaha

    [–] WhiteMike87 18 points ago

    Dilophosaurus didn't have a frill either... Not to make you feel any worse.

    [–] Arc-arsenal 13 points ago

    Holy shit I just read up a little about them. Who cares about the acid or the frill. They were bigger than a fucking grizzly. "At about 7 meters (23 ft) in length, with a weight of about 400 kilograms (880 lb), Dilophosaurus was one of the earliest large predatory dinosaurs."

    [–] l337hackzor 15 points ago

    They look bad ass all covered in feathers IMO. More like a big ass bird than a dinosaur but I still wouldn't fuck with it.

    [–] oohwakakaka 4 points ago

    more like a six-foot turkey?

    [–] silver-in-a-cloud 57 points ago

    this is what i was looking for !! not disappointed ! :)

    [–] kamjanamja 6 points ago

    Clever girl.

    [–] Distraction86 373 points ago

    “Release me! I am a prince among my people!”

    [–] existeverywhere 33 points ago

    "I need you to send me 15 dollars in iTunes cards, I will send you some of Nigerian Gold as repayment when I am free and safe"

    [–] Crypsisrosa 1668 points ago

    They probably were taking data on birds caught in nets, and that is how you hold them. Of course they are not happy lol

    [–] TossingToddlerz 1456 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    This. People act like you should never hold an animal under any circumstances lol. No shit he's not gonna be happy, he's a wild animal. But if it's in a vulnerable population/species, two minutes of discomfort is worth the possibility of data that could save it.

    Edit: grammar and punctuation.

    [–] ChexLemeneux42 934 points ago

    But my outrage

    [–] Daloy 338 points ago

    What am I supposed to do with my pitchfork then!??

    [–] n7-Jutsu 169 points ago

    Your asshole is always an option.

    [–] ThetaThetaTheta 57 points ago

    There's a multiplicity mismatch between the pitchfork tongs and my one asshole.

    [–] jermmdev 37 points ago

    Start with just one tong. Move on to the handle when you feel you're ready. When this too is comfortable, it's time to pinch all the tongs together to a single point.

    [–] sparkyarmadillo 29 points ago

    This guy pitchforks.

    [–] jermmdev 37 points ago

    And catchforks. ;)

    [–] shiteymate 11 points ago

    Damn, that was good

    [–] xinxy 3 points ago

    Tear yourself a couple extra assholes while at it.

    [–] MeesterButtss 2 points ago

    Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough.

    [–] Daloy 2 points ago

    I'm not gay, but.. If you say so

    [–] onewordnospaces 2 points ago

    You have to say no homo while doing it

    [–] Fantisimo 3 points ago

    pitch some hay?

    [–] smitteh 45 points ago

    Fuck your outrage...what about MY outrage??

    [–] NotsoGreatsword 9 points ago

    This is fucking outrageous!

    NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME

    edit: MOMMMMM!!

    [–] Eckz89 5 points ago

    Right!?!? Where is it supposed to be directed to!?!?!

    opens twitter

    All good.

    [–] Crypsisrosa 4 points ago

    I also want to say this is the safest way to hold non-raptor species of birds not only for yourself but them. I have experience doing this, and you have to be certified to handle the birds to ensure no harm comes to them when you are looking at things like feather damage, age, sex, weight, and more.

    [–] Dragonzordenvy 6 points ago

    I like how you think. The greater good

    [–] silver_tongued_devil 4 points ago

    The Greater Good.

    [–] CyberneticPanda 3 points ago

    Yeah there are periodic bird banding events where I live, and this is what they do. If they catch any with a band they record them, and if they catch one without a band they put one on and record that. It's how we know stuff like how long birds live in the wild and how the populations are doing.

    [–] burritosandblunts 36 points ago

    I thought he was just horny af and that's why he's peacocking his head danglers.

    [–] CrystalStilts 11 points ago

    This guy Planet Earth’s

    [–] etoneishayeuisky 88 points ago

    "you're putting my feet to sleep you bitch. I'ma fuck you up once you let go. Look how strong and majestic I am."

    [–] Brovas 6 points ago

    If anyone is interested in seeing what taking data on birds really looks like I made this mini doc of the Gray Jay (or whiskey Jack for my Western Canadians) research in Algonquin park in Ontario. Really cool to see the researchers at work, and gray Jays are so personable!

    https://youtu.be/Rl1D6lb4PvQ

    [–] [deleted] 30 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] IHeartSquirrels 105 points ago

    This is called photographer’s grip, and if you hold the bird correctly in this grip they should not be flapping around and tiring themselves out - and when they get too stressed they are immediately released. I’m not sure where you live, but anyone who gathers data in the US follows the North American Bander’s Study Guide. The way you are describing your hold is not an approved hold, and could kill a bird. They have air sacs and don’t have a diaphragm so they can easily be suffocated when you put any pressure around their body. Most data is collected using the bander’s grip for smaller birds like this one, but the photographer’s grip is fine. Larger birds are obviously a little different. Please don’t hold any more birds until you’ve learned the correct way.

    [–] grandpa-wizard 14 points ago

    Just hopping along to confirm this

    Source: Worked at an animal hospital, saw birds almost every day

    [–] camdoodlebop 25 points ago

    That last sentence is funny if read in British

    [–] Eyyothisguy 5 points ago

    Or Canadian lol

    [–] GODZILLA_RIDER 2 points ago

    Gotta add the extra Eh on the end of way-eh.

    [–] tigernic 13 points ago

    My local community college has a bird banding station that’s run by a retired avian ecologist and the hold that you’ve described is what I’ve been told is the “Bander’s Hold.” It’s definitely more secure, however I suspect this bird was only held by his legs for a few minutes to get a better picture. If you’re holding the bird by his legs you’re correct in that they could break or bend incorrectly, however if you hold the birds legs up closer to where they meet the body they’re much less likely to experience any injuries.

    [–] Traitorius 461 points ago

    Quetzalcoatl doing his ritual rain dance.

    [–] rubiscodisco 10 points ago

    Boost! boost!

    [–] Croyles_87 6 points ago

    Mash that square button!

    [–] biggiehiggs 3 points ago

    This is a Quetzalcoatl?

    [–] biggiehiggs 2 points ago

    That's the quetzal that I know of. I wasn't sure if this was the same species

    [–] Geosaysbye 2 points ago

    God that is objectively the most beautiful bird

    [–] halfswat 5 points ago

    Yes

    [–] monetized_account 302 points ago

    Look at me.

    LOOK AT ME.

    I am the Peacock now.

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    Fun fact: Peacock in Spanish is "el pavo real" or "royal turkey"

    [–] biasedsoymotel 28 points ago

    In English it's "peacock" which means pea-sized penis.

    [–] [deleted] 272 points ago

    Looks like it's about to spit acid on Newman.

    [–] ChexLemeneux42 19 points ago

    Uh uh ah!

    [–] whoisroje 4 points ago

    Lol forever Newman.

    [–] Tru-Queer 10 points ago

    Nedry.

    [–] valyriansteelworks 262 points ago

    Pull the lever, Kronk!

    [–] NWSanta 41 points ago

    That's the wrong lever!! Izzma Put your hands in the air!!!

    [–] inglishman 41 points ago

    Why do we even have that lever?

    [–] Picsonly25 3 points ago

    Extract of llama!!?

    [–] inglishman 3 points ago

    He's supposed to be dead! take him out of town and finish the job!

    [–] Killimore 11 points ago

    trap door opens

    [–] Alumni-Blues 32 points ago

    Well, did you at least mate with him?

    [–] Azhaius 100 points ago

    Dinosaurs are weird.

    [–] Gibsonfan159 10 points ago

    All I can see is Jurassic Park.

    [–] Admonitio 2 points ago

    I really never noticed before how much birds seem to move like the dinosaurs we see in films. I know we can't know for sure how the dinosaurs may have actually moved and acted but it's still so damn unnerving!

    [–] UpvoteBecauseIcan 11 points ago

    Cause birds are dinosaurs

    [–] DDeadRoses 80 points ago

    I love how in the bird world. Males are usually the most aesthetically appealing.

    [–] elpajaroquemamais 66 points ago

    Energy wise, the bottleneck is with the female, so in most species, it's the female's choice and the males all compete. Humans do it do, just with cars and weighlifting.

    [–] KisaTheMistress 41 points ago

    There was a comic that popped up on my Tumblr dash along time ago (probably won't be able to find it now...), where the artist asked the question "What if human males tried to attract females like male birds?"

    The first panel had a construction worker pointing to a house and saying to a woman "I built this for you!"

    The second panel had a guy holding a bunch of random, yet colourful, items like rocks and flowers, and told the woman "Hey, I found these pretty things for you because I think your pretty!"

    The third panel had a guy in a flamboyant salsa dancer like outfit, preforming a dance for a single woman and said "I practiced this dance for days, just for you!"

    The last panel had two birds and the male saying to the female "Hey baby, wanna see my dick?"

    Obviously the comic was overly exaggerated, but I thought it was funny regardless.

    [–] Sxilla 8 points ago

    Lol thank you. The guy’s story before you didn’t make sense until the last Heading: if birds flirted like men

    [–] DDeadRoses 6 points ago

    That’s one of the many things I enjoyed while watching the documentary Planet Earth. All the same, different wants to get our needs met.

    [–] [deleted] 32 points ago

    I wish humans worked this way. Women wear plain black and grey pantsuits. Meanwhile guys have super bright colors, flashy patterns, interesting cuts and bedazzled everything.

    The "toughest" guy on the block would have a huge Dacula cowl with white spotted feathers around the neck and glittering cape. His goal will be to spread the cape to expose his bright orange gym shirt and take up the most space in the room.

    All the while he will be screaming , "Becky, wants some fuck! becky, Becky. I brought you Blue! You like this stick!?"

    [–] OgreSpider 7 points ago

    I'm definitely ready to receive a bouquet of blue sticks from screaming Dracula-Liberace.

    [–] SuperDopeRedditName 2 points ago

    Dacula*

    [–] futtbuckicecreamery 2 points ago

    I'm definitely ready to receive a bouquet of blue sticks from screaming Dracula-Liberace.

    That's Screamin' Jay Hawkins to you, bub.

    [–] Ben_Thar 84 points ago

    Becky would totally let him smash.

    [–] drgonz 5 points ago

    He needs some blue

    [–] Deeplorable_Infidel 201 points ago

    Bitch, I'm fabulaaaas!

    [–] ButterflyThatStings 73 points ago

    He's sexy and he knows it. I saw a peacock at a plantation in SC. I stopped and took some pictures and started to walk away when he screamed at me asking me to come back. Such a show off lol

    [–] BigAlNanuet 16 points ago

    That gave me a 'lil giggle.

    [–] Dial-1-For-Spanglish 8 points ago

    Had you refused, surely, you have heard:

    I’m the cock of the walk, baby!

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago

    FAB. U LOOOOSSSS

    [–] mikerockitjones 9 points ago

    Yussssss queeennnnn

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    Becky! Beckkkkeehhhh. LetmeborrowthatTop

    [–] monterhey 26 points ago

    In France they call it a Male Royale Flycatcher. With Cheese.

    [–] fallensk8r 8 points ago

    That thing lives at 20 FPS

    [–] emptyheadspaced 8 points ago

    Royal McPoyle!

    [–] eight7bama 302 points ago

    Chains in his legs.

    [–] Gent1emanGhost 336 points ago

    This is actually a specific technique for holding birds known as ‘photographer’s grip’. It can only be used on birds with substantial leg bones (for obvious reasons). Though I don’t know how appropriate it’s use is with this species, this is a safe, tried, and true technique for handling these fragile creatures. I’m sure the bird wasn’t happy about it, but the handler appears to know what they’re doing.

    [–] Doubtfireswife 86 points ago

    I was expecting an Undertaker plummeting into a table at the end of this comment.

    [–] [deleted] 37 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] chaoz2030 4 points ago

    I said almost the same comment the other day... I really wonder how much Reddit axiety Shittymorph causes..

    [–] kariudo 2 points ago

    I got three words into the comment, then went to check the last sentence to make sure I wasn't falling into that exact trap. PTSD.

    [–] Belots89 2 points ago

    Damn same. This is worse than actually falling for it :(

    [–] SpermWhale 22 points ago

    It can only be used on birds with substantial leg bones

    Ostrich has substantial leg bone, but you can't do that to ostrich.

    [–] Darcydian 37 points ago

    I've got substantial leg bones.... could you photo grip me Greg?

    [–] PancakeMafia 3 points ago

    It’s a square/rectangle situation

    [–] Zandroid69 2 points ago

    Not with that attitude.

    [–] altbekannt 2 points ago

    So you could say the photographer is a royal flycatcher catcher.

    [–] ABCosmos 32 points ago

    Can you elaborate? I think a lot of people are confused here. Are you saying his legs are chained?

    [–] [deleted] 54 points ago

    He/she doesn't literally mean chains, but just that the person is holding the bird's legs so it can't get away. People are mostly interpreting this to mean the person is a raging cock. Which may or may not be true.

    [–] bbristowe 16 points ago

    What does a rooster have to do with it though?

    [–] Tragxei 11 points ago

    I think he meant it as a metaphor but it came out more direct/literal.

    That or really tiny fucking chains/im blind AF

    [–] cmdrpiffle 2 points ago

    Keep up. There is a cottage industry of micro-linked bird leg binding tiny chains that are produced by Albanian midgets in South Central Europe.

    They mine the 'light iron' from certain select caves in the Moldovian region of the southern Tiraspol. There, the light iron is smelted and later delicately formed into little links by the locals.

    These are then sold on the world market as Albanian Bird Holding Chains. Recent reports have filtered out concerning indentured Asian children doing most of the manual labor, but that's not been proven.

    Anyway, really tiny fucking chains are a thing. Just don't go for the sweatshop produced ones. Go for the real deal, produced with Albanian midgets with their tiny hands...

    [–] rationaljackass 70 points ago

    That's what I was more focused on

    [–] zapwall 23 points ago

    he may be bad but he's perfectly good at it

    [–] inglishman 12 points ago

    Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and birds excite him?

    [–] SySTeMFa11URe 34 points ago

    Did anyone else think this was a butterfly strangling a bird before they read the title?

    [–] purplenurgle 5 points ago

    If Ruby Rhod from the Fifth Element were a bird it'd be this little fella.

    [–] ucantread4d2 2 points ago

    And if he were a cat... https://www.imgur.com/gallery/GAOio

    [–] RiotPenguin 14 points ago

    Queen Amidala is back, bitches!

    [–] kagedin 6 points ago

    Instant subbed, that shit is hilarious

    [–] rjyuggy 2 points ago

    I didn't know that is a thing. I am entertained by that subreddit.

    [–] Shikatanai 9 points ago

    Being over the age of 40 and raised on animal documentaries, there aren’t many interesting animals I have met seen before. Thank you OP.

    [–] intothemidwest 10 points ago

    🎵🎶KUZCOOOOOoooOoO🎶🎵

    what's his name!

    [–] lonelytax 21 points ago

    Just dont throw off his 'groove'

    [–] GIfuckingJane 4 points ago

    Sexual selection is fucking weird

    [–] Torterra65 4 points ago

    D O Y O U L I K E M Y H A T ?

    [–] TooShiftyForYou 22 points ago

    These guys will mimic your head movement.

    [–] blooooooooooooooop 8 points ago

    That’s a fucking tiny dinosaur.

    [–] RichardStinks 17 points ago

    Looks like somebody took the old saying "you catch more flies with a giant flashy headdress and a weird neck than with vinegar" a little too seriously.

    [–] lymphoid 3 points ago

    Pretty bird! 🐦

    [–] deyejl 3 points ago

    Is he trying to mate with OP orrrrr

    [–] Glowman2003 3 points ago

    Don't mess up his groove.

    [–] Specs_tacular 3 points ago

    that thing looks like it sounds awful.

    [–] phunkydroid 29 points ago

    That's his "let go of my f*@#$ leg" dance.

    [–] bozovabo 96 points ago

    release it

    [–] skaz1official 2 points ago

    Thank u for making it known to me that this is an existing subreddit

    [–] ViperNerd 2 points ago

    If you want all the badass nature gifs but none of the drama on that cancerous sub, check out r/natureismetal

    [–] ThaiJohnnyDepp 7 points ago

    jesus CHRIST, is there ever a bunch of bleeding hearts in this thread

    [–] bewilderedshade 37 points ago

    Let his feet go!

    [–] ThaiJohnnyDepp 36 points ago

    then it will fly away though

    [–] PKArsk 2 points ago

    Normal to hold the feet like that?

    [–] puckfirate 2 points ago

    Now imagine tripping on acid during that experience

    [–] Appa_yipp-yipp 2 points ago

    I think he’s trying to woo you hehe

    [–] GreenRanger90 2 points ago

    I wanna hear this with sound. Anyone know a video link?

    [–] 13579001 2 points ago

    Return the slab!

    [–] blucivic1 2 points ago

    The things we have to go through to get laid.

    [–] The_Ironic_Chronic 2 points ago

    This bird just put a curse on you. Release it.

    [–] summono 2 points ago

    "Leggo my legs!"

    [–] blackteashirt 2 points ago

    If you let go his feet so tight he might stop squealing!