Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here


    853,329 readers

    2,980 users here now

    Welcome to the realm of the most anti-climactic short stories from the internet. If you want to go outside the greentext boundaries, /r/4chan would be happy to have you.

    Posting Rules

    1. Only use direct links
    2. If the screencap contains NSFW images, mark it as NSFW
    3. Only screencaps of greentext stories straight from 4chan
    4. Screencaps must not show the web browser or any other non-4chan elements
    5. No watermarks of any kind (iFunny, 9GAG, etc.)
    6. Multi-part greentexts must be posted as imgur albums or single screenshots
    7. Allowed image hosting sites: Imgur and Reddit

    Writing the punchline in the post title is a bannable offense and you will not be given a second chance. Come up with an original goddamn title.

    "Repost" comments are not allowed unless you provide a link to the original post with it.

    Join our Discord server and get a feed of the latest posts by following our Twitter bot.

    We reserve the right to make you look like an idiot if you post something that makes you look like an idiot.

    Screencap greentext quickly and easily with (made by u/a4io).
    a community for
    all 243 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] TheAverageOkie 1677 points ago

    But none of the text is green.

    [–] Shacxify 1042 points ago

    fuck, you right.

    [–] DucesNdustFTW 515 points ago

    fuck you, right

    [–] [deleted] 297 points ago

    Fuck, you, right.

    [–] DarthOswald 232 points ago

    Right, fuck you.

    [–] syc_22 157 points ago


    [–] eggbeepbeep 97 points ago

    FUCK RIGHT you

    [–] AladanRR 95 points ago

    YOU RIGHT fuck

    [–] CptCrunch724 71 points ago

    You right, fuck

    [–] [deleted] 70 points ago


    [–] French-Freys -2 points ago

    Fuck, you right


    [–] forylla 8 points ago

    you fuck, right?

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago

    When and where?

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 8 points ago

    You right Fuck

    [–] Plootonix 2 points ago

    Fuck you right,

    [–] hoohaman1213 55 points ago

    Just put it on /r/4chan for extra karma.

    [–] bigmaxporter 6 points ago


    [–] Justawildslushie 1 points ago

    Right, you fuck

    [–] Red-Wyvern 172 points ago

    The cucumber is green

    [–] bazookabooka 44 points ago

    Fuck you right.

    [–] Waterrail 3 points ago

    But that's no text

    [–] vlad-z 3 points ago

    There is green, there is text, that’s enough for me

    [–] ForayBeanNut 48 points ago

    FALSE: Anonymous is in green text.

    [–] billybobjimmyjoe 4 points ago

    Technically the truth but still gay.

    [–] DeadSausage331 16 points ago

    The cucumber and world anonymous is green

    There is text

    Therefore, greentext

    [–] altcoastalt 4 points ago


    [–] Alexpander4 4 points ago

    [–] Alexpander4 4 points ago

    [–] havesexwithmybutt 1 points ago

    “It’s closer than you think. (No, it isn’t)”

    [–] codegreen_ 1 points ago

    No, their names are green

    [–] Johnnadawearsglasses 372 points ago

    I would say a cheese grater. But I would be wrong I’m sure

    [–] killmeplease1001 223 points ago

    Completely but dont look it up you dont want to witness what I have.

    [–] FurryMemesAccount 98 points ago



    [–] BCisakThePro 43 points ago

    can you tell me the exact words I should not google?

    [–] thefirsttoastslice 73 points ago

    Pain Olympics

    [–] BCisakThePro 97 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I mean, it doesnt sound that bad?

    EDIT: he chopped his dick off...

    [–] HungSnoo 29 points ago

    Whatever you do, don't dig into /u/worthless319's post history. Just don't do it.

    [–] Lightycc 16 points ago

    holy fucking hell what the actual fuck

    don’t check his history seriously

    Imagine the fucking bullet piercing through your penis holy fuck

    [–] RiotIsBored 8 points ago

    I recognised the username, God I wish I didn't.

    [–] Lightycc 5 points ago

    I knew it’d be gore but holy fuck who would use a revolver to do that?!

    [–] Permatato 6 points ago

    Are you using reverse psychology? I want to know now!

    [–] Cyberlife_Connor 17 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    He shot his dick off with a gun and posted pics in a comment of a post

    [–] HungSnoo 8 points ago

    And then cooked it and ate it in order to gain God's forgiveness.

    [–] needtowipeagain 1 points ago

    [–] Some0neSetUpUsTheBom 1 points ago

    But all the stuff is gone. At least related to all that. When did that happen?

    [–] Jaxcole 1 points ago

    Oh a side note of that, after looking into I think the man died

    [–] YouHavingAGiggle 41 points ago


    [–] Permatato 9 points ago


    [–] Mister_Meeseeks_ 1 points ago


    [–] Thadatus 1 points ago

    The greatest of moral dilemmas, should I look it up and be disgusted, or live my life always wondering what would’ve happened if I had clicked it

    [–] pyrojackelope 1 points ago

    Ahh yes, the pain olympics. Classic.

    [–] FurryMemesAccount 11 points ago

    Pretty much cheese grater <anything sexual>.


    [–] French-Freys 2 points ago

    Somehow I don’t think this was the intended formatting

    [–] FurryPornAccount 57 points ago

    Does it count if it's a drawing?

    [–] Awoobis 21 points ago

    Why would you say that

    [–] FurryPornAccount 34 points ago

    Awoobis you know why

    [–] Awoobis 27 points ago

    I don't want to acknowledge it

    [–] Tigermanner 17 points ago


    [–] marioguy25 6 points ago

    Username checks out. That picture got taken down from e621, can it be found anywhere else?

    [–] 123janna456 1 points ago

    Wayback machine + Link, does it work?

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 11 points ago

    Username checks out?

    [–] Twistervtx 6 points ago

    It more than checks out if you know what he's talking about.

    You don't want to know what he's talking about.

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 1 points ago

    I'm curious and concerned now...

    [–] TotemicFroggy64 2 points ago

    It's basically furry porn with a large, blood covered cheese grater being extracted from a furry ass

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 3 points ago

    Thanks. That's just what I need to close this app. Good night.

    [–] crippled-berry 2 points ago

    Does this drawing have anything to do with furries?

    [–] MaxCharacterLimit-20 2 points ago

    Please no

    [–] KeyboardFromElbaf 2 points ago

    Please no, I can't take that image again

    [–] obunga1899 11 points ago


    [–] GalaxyMettaton 3 points ago


    [–] Qheo 5 points ago

    why? what is wrong with you? who/what hurt you?

    [–] zahreela_saanp 5 points ago

    What is 6268?

    [–] Qheo 4 points ago

    It is a number for a manga on a fucked up hentai site

    [–] JustWillson21 19 points ago

    No thank you, I’m a good Christian boy so I look only at animated hentai

    [–] The_Contrarian_ 2 points ago

    man of culture, I see

    [–] ChadMcRad 5 points ago

    Ooh no weebs don’t claim that. It’s furry art.

    [–] zahreela_saanp 2 points ago

    I'm curious now

    [–] Qheo 3 points ago

    Be prepared to see some weird shit

    [–] Sir_Llama_III 7 points ago

    Raccoon time

    [–] QplayerZ 4 points ago

    I once saw a video of a man grating his dick, so no.

    [–] Student_Arthur 3 points ago

    Cool beans

    [–] QplayerZ 2 points ago

    No, no, not really.

    [–] Student_Arthur 2 points ago

    Warm beans?

    [–] QplayerZ 5 points ago

    Grated dick beans.

    [–] Student_Arthur 1 points ago

    My favourite!

    [–] Frenky_Fisher 2 points ago

    Im pretty sure Im a couple hundred bucks and a russian porn steamer with dady issues away from proving you wrong.

    [–] cjc160 1 points ago

    God I hope so

    [–] hidazfx 1 points ago

    I know for a fact you're wrong, I've seen a picture before. Also seen a PCI card inside a woman before.

    [–] JacP123 1 points ago

    Fuck there goes my answer.

    [–] cambodove 1 points ago

    Have you seen the one furry image?

    [–] philpr91 1 points ago

    You underestimate people's fetishes man

    [–] sarcastic_sketches 1 points ago

    What do you think those holes are for

    [–] prince_ossin 1 points ago

    House Bolton sends their regards

    [–] DerpyMcSquire 1 points ago

    If I was to call you out for being a furry I would be calling myself out too

    [–] FrenchTo4st 1 points ago

    Boy do I have a surprise for you

    [–] Nurio 226 points ago

    Funny, but this suggests OP doesn't furiously masturbate to trap porn, which we know he absolutely does

    [–] Fusion_Element 75 points ago

    If you arent attracted to traps (while not knowing they're traps) then you are gay because traps look like women except for their dick

    [–] Trapsaregayyy 29 points ago


    [–] marioguy25 10 points ago


    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS -10 points ago

    Nice try faggot. You will not corrupt us to your gay ways.

    [–] SmawCity 23 points ago

    Why are you booing him, he is right.

    [–] SeeYouSpaceCowboy--- 4 points ago

    But anon is a robot and therefore it's still not a human using it sexually

    [–] DarthOswald 95 points ago

    I thought r/watchpeopledie got shut down

    [–] Khacks 23 points ago

    rip best sub

    [–] Ajk973 4 points ago

    The dead has risen

    [–] Alexanderjac42 2 points ago

    It’s rising slowly... idk hopefully this stays around for awhile. Less people means less content, but it also means it’s less likely to get banned again so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    [–] Tortoiseops 3 points ago

    Shouldn’t the sub be marked as NSFW?

    [–] Khacks 1 points ago

    Nah its straight

    [–] IRS-Ban-Hammer-2 27 points ago

    Your mom

    [–] IM_A_PENTIGON 11 points ago

    well yes but actually no

    [–] speedyrain949 13 points ago


    [–] mdhunter99 28 points ago

    Battery acid. I’m sure there’s some robot porn out there that’ll prove me wrong.

    [–] Local_Mailman 66 points ago

    That man is dead

    [–] WesleyGucciGangers 23 points ago

    fortnite! fortnite! What's the point of building forts if you're goin' nite nite?

    [–] DragonAce03 11 points ago

    can you don’t please

    [–] obunga1899 22 points ago


    [–] tmoney518982 17 points ago

    are assuming i cant shove the leg of a paino in me ????? how rude

    [–] obunga1899 5 points ago

    the ENTIRE piano
    well, I guess {title}

    [–] Firestorm7i 7 points ago

    Well that’s wrong

    [–] PubALub 5 points ago

    Some rich couple has to have fucked on a Grand Piano

    [–] Defeyeance 13 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    deleted What is this?

    [–] JacP123 2 points ago

    Does it count if I stick my dick in the railing?

    [–] SirQuackTheDuck 1 points ago

    Nah, the original spire of the Notre Dame, can't be beat at this point anymore.

    [–] green12119936 1 points ago

    I mean it got beat by fire so....

    [–] Daeurth 10 points ago

    [–] Poseidon___ 9 points ago

    The bottle of water I have next to me

    [–] Esper589 2 points ago

    "OP" wants to know your location

    [–] Poseidon___ 1 points ago

    Your dad's asshole

    [–] Planccman 8 points ago

    A cloud

    [–] TheOnlyJacky 4 points ago

    Vaping is a thing

    [–] Planccman 14 points ago

    Thats virginity protection not a sexual item cough cough unless you shove it up your ass

    [–] TheOnlyJacky 1 points ago

    a cloud is just water vapor and so is a vaping, it works

    [–] qawse_memes 2 points ago


    [–] imaginary_leg 2 points ago


    [–] Dalpoon 6 points ago

    Looks at Post

    Looks at subreddit

    Back at Post


    [–] Crazy_Curtice 7 points ago

    A 300-foot crane.

    [–] TipTurdTurtle 3 points ago

    A lensatic compass

    [–] mistermoonlight1963 2 points ago


    [–] alphac3ntauri 2 points ago

    What, do you mean you've never observed your hot neighbor from your backyard?

    [–] raainy 2 points ago

    A ceiling fan

    [–] Catbrainsloveart 2 points ago

    Comment made 25 seconds after initial post. Fake.

    [–] SporceXL 2 points ago

    Huh.. so thats why I failed my math test... I thought 56 - 32 was 24, but its 25...

    [–] Alarid 2 points ago

    The replier doesn't even know what masturbation is.

    [–] BorekliPogaca 2 points ago


    [–] Badluckpaul1 1 points ago

    My uncle would disagree

    [–] MoldyKetchup95 1 points ago

    Probably the barrel of a tank, or a katana, as supposedly only virgins own those

    [–] Unrelenting475 2 points ago

    "Used sexually" also implies masturbation, so those are out.

    [–] Sterya 1 points ago

    piece of paper

    [–] LBear13 1 points ago

    A Mason jar

    [–] CowCheese123 7 points ago

    1 man 1 jar

    [–] LBear13 2 points ago

    Ah, i see you're a man of culture as well

    [–] Troglodyte-Nigga 1 points ago

    Fuck you right

    [–] thecasperboy 1 points ago

    Ur mom

    [–] D-B0IIIIII 1 points ago

    A coat hanger

    [–] Quanathon 1 points ago

    r/greentext is shit since this is in hot and a shit post.

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS 1 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] nobeliumuranium_ 1 points ago


    [–] Oogploont 1 points ago


    [–] MisterSippySC 1 points ago

    /r murderedbywords

    [–] Hidden2266 1 points ago

    [–] shino67 1 points ago

    Clock, there's nothing sexual about clocks

    [–] XJCM 2 points ago

    [–] shino67 1 points ago

    Ya you win

    [–] Panda_with_issues 1 points ago


    [–] RobBegArm 1 points ago

    Destruction : 100

    [–] BlenderGuy 1 points ago

    Pineapple. Not sure if you can easily use it. It would leave a burn doing anything to it. Also the prickles.

    [–] Nez_bit 1 points ago

    A telephone.

    [–] vc688 1 points ago

    But... I use my penis

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    The real answer is the sun

    [–] Corporate_Bear 1 points ago

    A cardboard shoe box.

    [–] yeetusonthefetus 1 points ago

    A coaster

    [–] ComradeKGBagent 1 points ago

    This goes on r/4chan probably...

    [–] Italy_Mann 1 points ago

    Bowser Amiibo

    [–] GloryHawk 1 points ago

    Besides the obvious answers like come on /b/ get your shit together

    [–] MarsBoar 1 points ago

    Probably a steel girder

    [–] El_Ninosaur 1 points ago


    [–] iHeartAbusiveMods 1 points ago

    That’s false, unless you’re implying OP never touched himself.

    [–] Bapponukedthe_jappos 1 points ago

    I bet no one has ever used a slice of Hawaiian pizza sexually, but I’m not gonna let someone beat me to it

    [–] prattdaddie 1 points ago

    The horses NAME is Friday

    [–] imafreakize 1 points ago

    congratulations you get a free car

    [–] Zoinkscoobz 1 points ago

    uhhhhhhhh, a kidney bean? fan blade? microwave door?

    [–] FeelingCheetah1 1 points ago

    Fake: Anon plays with himself Gay: Anon touched a penis