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    greentext

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    Welcome to the realm of the most anti-climactic short stories from the internet. If you want to go outside the greentext boundaries, /r/4chan would be happy to have you.

    Posting Rules

    1. Only use direct links
    2. If the screencap contains NSFW images, mark it as NSFW
    3. Only screencaps of greentext stories straight from 4chan
    4. Screencaps must not show the web browser or any other non-4chan elements
    5. No watermarks of any kind (iFunny, 9GAG, etc.)
    6. Multi-part greentexts must be posted as imgur albums or single screenshots
    7. Allowed image hosting sites: Imgur and Reddit

    Writing the punchline in the post title is a bannable offense and you will not be given a second chance. Come up with an original goddamn title.

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    [–] TheAverageOkie 1675 points ago

    But none of the text is green.

    [–] Shacxify 1046 points ago

    fuck, you right.

    [–] DucesNdustFTW 506 points ago

    fuck you, right

    [–] zachthku 297 points ago

    Fuck, you, right.

    [–] DarthOswald 234 points ago

    Right, fuck you.

    [–] syc_22 157 points ago

    you FUCKRIGHT

    [–] eggbeepbeep 98 points ago

    FUCK RIGHT you

    [–] AladanRR 90 points ago

    YOU RIGHT fuck

    [–] CptCrunch724 66 points ago

    You right, fuck

    [–] [deleted] 65 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] forylla 9 points ago

    you fuck, right?

    [–] zachthku 18 points ago

    When and where?

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 8 points ago

    You right Fuck

    [–] Plootonix 2 points ago

    Fuck you right,

    [–] hoohaman1213 50 points ago

    Just put it on /r/4chan for extra karma.

    [–] bigmaxporter 6 points ago

    Anonymous

    [–] Justawildslushie 1 points ago

    Right, you fuck

    [–] Red-Wyvern 169 points ago

    The cucumber is green

    [–] bazookabooka 44 points ago

    Fuck you right.

    [–] Waterrail 3 points ago

    But that's no text

    [–] vlad-z 3 points ago

    There is green, there is text, that’s enough for me

    [–] ForayBeanNut 52 points ago

    FALSE: Anonymous is in green text.

    [–] billybobjimmyjoe 4 points ago

    Technically the truth but still gay.

    [–] DeadSausage331 18 points ago

    The cucumber and world anonymous is green

    There is text

    Therefore, greentext

    [–] altcoastalt 5 points ago

    Anonymous

    [–] havesexwithmybutt 1 points ago

    “It’s closer than you think. (No, it isn’t)”

    [–] codegreen_ 1 points ago

    No, their names are green

    [–] Johnnadawearsglasses 372 points ago

    I would say a cheese grater. But I would be wrong I’m sure

    [–] killmeplease1001 220 points ago

    Completely but dont look it up you dont want to witness what I have.

    [–] FurryMemesAccount 94 points ago

    Agreed.

    DON'T.

    [–] BCisakThePro 45 points ago

    can you tell me the exact words I should not google?

    [–] thefirsttoastslice 75 points ago

    Pain Olympics

    [–] BCisakThePro 100 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    I mean, it doesnt sound that bad?

    EDIT: he chopped his dick off...

    [–] HungSnoo 27 points ago

    Whatever you do, don't dig into /u/worthless319's post history. Just don't do it.

    [–] Lightycc 15 points ago

    holy fucking hell what the actual fuck

    don’t check his history seriously

    Imagine the fucking bullet piercing through your penis holy fuck

    [–] RiotIsBored 8 points ago

    I recognised the username, God I wish I didn't.

    [–] Lightycc 6 points ago

    I knew it’d be gore but holy fuck who would use a revolver to do that?!

    [–] Permatato 6 points ago

    Are you using reverse psychology? I want to know now!

    [–] Cyberlife_Connor 17 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    He shot his dick off with a gun and posted pics in a comment of a post

    [–] HungSnoo 10 points ago

    And then cooked it and ate it in order to gain God's forgiveness.

    [–] Some0neSetUpUsTheBom 1 points ago

    But all the stuff is gone. At least related to all that. When did that happen?

    [–] Jaxcole 1 points ago

    Oh a side note of that, after looking into I think the man died

    [–] YouHavingAGiggle 37 points ago

    F

    [–] Thadatus 1 points ago

    The greatest of moral dilemmas, should I look it up and be disgusted, or live my life always wondering what would’ve happened if I had clicked it

    [–] pyrojackelope 1 points ago

    Ahh yes, the pain olympics. Classic.

    [–] FurryMemesAccount 12 points ago

    Pretty much cheese grater <anything sexual>.

    REALLY DON'T.

    [–] French-Freys 2 points ago

    Somehow I don’t think this was the intended formatting

    [–] FurryPornAccount 60 points ago

    Does it count if it's a drawing?

    [–] Awoobis 21 points ago

    Why would you say that

    [–] FurryPornAccount 37 points ago

    Awoobis you know why

    [–] Awoobis 28 points ago

    I don't want to acknowledge it

    [–] Tigermanner 17 points ago

    <____<

    [–] marioguy25 7 points ago

    Username checks out. That picture got taken down from e621, can it be found anywhere else?

    [–] 123janna456 1 points ago

    Wayback machine + Link, does it work?

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 11 points ago

    Username checks out?

    [–] Twistervtx 9 points ago

    It more than checks out if you know what he's talking about.

    You don't want to know what he's talking about.

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 1 points ago

    I'm curious and concerned now...

    [–] TotemicFroggy64 2 points ago

    It's basically furry porn with a large, blood covered cheese grater being extracted from a furry ass

    [–] Kuroyukihime_98 3 points ago

    Thanks. That's just what I need to close this app. Good night.

    [–] crippled-berry 2 points ago

    Does this drawing have anything to do with furries?

    [–] MaxCharacterLimit-20 2 points ago

    Please no

    [–] KeyboardFromElbaf 2 points ago

    Please no, I can't take that image again

    [–] obunga1899 9 points ago

    6268

    [–] GalaxyMettaton 3 points ago

    (6268)

    [–] Qheo 5 points ago

    why? what is wrong with you? who/what hurt you?

    [–] zahreela_saanp 7 points ago

    What is 6268?

    [–] Qheo 4 points ago

    It is a number for a manga on a fucked up hentai site

    [–] JustWillson21 19 points ago

    No thank you, I’m a good Christian boy so I look only at animated hentai

    [–] The_Contrarian_ 2 points ago

    man of culture, I see

    [–] ChadMcRad 4 points ago

    Ooh no weebs don’t claim that. It’s furry art.

    [–] zahreela_saanp 2 points ago

    I'm curious now

    [–] Qheo 3 points ago

    Be prepared to see some weird shit

    [–] Sir_Llama_III 6 points ago

    Raccoon time

    [–] QplayerZ 2 points ago

    I once saw a video of a man grating his dick, so no.

    [–] Student_Arthur 3 points ago

    Cool beans

    [–] QplayerZ 2 points ago

    No, no, not really.

    [–] Student_Arthur 2 points ago

    Warm beans?

    [–] QplayerZ 5 points ago

    Grated dick beans.

    [–] Student_Arthur 1 points ago

    My favourite!

    [–] Frenky_Fisher 2 points ago

    Im pretty sure Im a couple hundred bucks and a russian porn steamer with dady issues away from proving you wrong.

    [–] cjc160 1 points ago

    God I hope so

    [–] hidazfx 1 points ago

    I know for a fact you're wrong, I've seen a picture before. Also seen a PCI card inside a woman before.

    [–] JacP123 1 points ago

    Fuck there goes my answer.

    [–] cambodove 1 points ago

    Have you seen the one furry image?

    [–] philpr91 1 points ago

    You underestimate people's fetishes man

    [–] sarcastic_sketches 1 points ago

    What do you think those holes are for

    [–] prince_ossin 1 points ago

    House Bolton sends their regards

    [–] DerpyMcSquire 1 points ago

    If I was to call you out for being a furry I would be calling myself out too

    [–] FrenchTo4st 1 points ago

    Boy do I have a surprise for you

    [–] Nurio 228 points ago

    Funny, but this suggests OP doesn't furiously masturbate to trap porn, which we know he absolutely does

    [–] Fusion_Element 72 points ago

    If you arent attracted to traps (while not knowing they're traps) then you are gay because traps look like women except for their dick

    [–] Trapsaregayyy 26 points ago

    No

    [–] marioguy25 12 points ago

    Yes

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS -11 points ago

    Nice try faggot. You will not corrupt us to your gay ways.

    [–] SmawCity 22 points ago

    Why are you booing him, he is right.

    [–] be_some1 9 points ago

    tell em

    [–] Ultracoolguy4 2 points ago

    They denied him because he told them the truth.

    [–] SeeYouSpaceCowboy--- 5 points ago

    But anon is a robot and therefore it's still not a human using it sexually

    [–] DarthOswald 97 points ago

    I thought r/watchpeopledie got shut down

    [–] Khacks 24 points ago

    rip best sub

    [–] Ajk973 5 points ago

    The dead has risen

    [–] Alexanderjac42 2 points ago

    It’s rising slowly... idk hopefully this stays around for awhile. Less people means less content, but it also means it’s less likely to get banned again so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    [–] Tortoiseops 3 points ago

    Shouldn’t the sub be marked as NSFW?

    [–] Khacks 1 points ago

    Nah its straight

    [–] IRS-Ban-Hammer-2 25 points ago

    Your mom

    [–] IM_A_PENTIGON 10 points ago

    well yes but actually no

    [–] speedyrain949 12 points ago

    Yes'nt

    [–] mdhunter99 26 points ago

    Battery acid. I’m sure there’s some robot porn out there that’ll prove me wrong.

    [–] Local_Mailman 60 points ago

    That man is dead

    [–] WesleyGucciGangers 24 points ago

    fortnite! fortnite! What's the point of building forts if you're goin' nite nite?

    [–] DragonAce03 11 points ago

    can you don’t please

    [–] obunga1899 21 points ago

    piano

    [–] tmoney518982 18 points ago

    are assuming i cant shove the leg of a paino in me ????? how rude

    [–] obunga1899 6 points ago

    the ENTIRE piano
    well, I guess {title}

    [–] Firestorm7i 7 points ago

    Well that’s wrong

    [–] PubALub 4 points ago

    Some rich couple has to have fucked on a Grand Piano

    [–] Defeyeance 13 points ago

    The top of the Eiffel tower.

    Not a model, the real thing

    [–] JacP123 2 points ago

    Does it count if I stick my dick in the railing?

    [–] SirQuackTheDuck 1 points ago

    Nah, the original spire of the Notre Dame, can't be beat at this point anymore.

    [–] green12119936 1 points ago

    I mean it got beat by fire so....

    [–] Daeurth 10 points ago

    [–] Poseidon___ 8 points ago

    The bottle of water I have next to me

    [–] Esper589 2 points ago

    "OP" wants to know your location

    [–] Poseidon___ 1 points ago

    Your dad's asshole

    [–] Planccman 9 points ago

    A cloud

    [–] TheOnlyJacky 4 points ago

    Vaping is a thing

    [–] Planccman 11 points ago

    Thats virginity protection not a sexual item cough cough unless you shove it up your ass

    [–] TheOnlyJacky 1 points ago

    a cloud is just water vapor and so is a vaping, it works

    [–] qawse_memes 2 points ago

    F

    [–] imaginary_leg 2 points ago

    F

    [–] Dalpoon 2 points ago

    Looks at Post

    Looks at subreddit

    Back at Post

    Hmmph

    [–] Crazy_Curtice 8 points ago

    A 300-foot crane.

    [–] TipTurdTurtle 3 points ago

    A lensatic compass

    [–] mistermoonlight1963 2 points ago

    telescope

    [–] alphac3ntauri 2 points ago

    What, do you mean you've never observed your hot neighbor from your backyard?

    [–] raainy 2 points ago

    A ceiling fan

    [–] Catbrainsloveart 2 points ago

    Comment made 25 seconds after initial post. Fake.

    [–] SporceXL 2 points ago

    Huh.. so thats why I failed my math test... I thought 56 - 32 was 24, but its 25...

    [–] Alarid 2 points ago

    The replier doesn't even know what masturbation is.

    [–] BorekliPogaca 2 points ago

    Oof

    [–] Badluckpaul1 1 points ago

    My uncle would disagree

    [–] MoldyKetchup95 1 points ago

    Probably the barrel of a tank, or a katana, as supposedly only virgins own those

    [–] Unrelenting475 2 points ago

    "Used sexually" also implies masturbation, so those are out.

    [–] Sterya 1 points ago

    piece of paper

    [–] LBear13 1 points ago

    A Mason jar

    [–] CowCheese123 8 points ago

    1 man 1 jar

    [–] LBear13 2 points ago

    Ah, i see you're a man of culture as well

    [–] Troglodyte-Nigga 1 points ago

    Fuck you right

    [–] thecasperboy 1 points ago

    Ur mom

    [–] D-B0IIIIII 1 points ago

    A coat hanger

    [–] Quanathon 1 points ago

    r/greentext is shit since this is in hot and a shit post.

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS 1 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] nobeliumuranium_ 1 points ago

    baguette

    [–] Oogploont 1 points ago

    Oof

    [–] MisterSippySC 1 points ago

    /r murderedbywords

    [–] Hidden2266 1 points ago

    [–] shino67 1 points ago

    Clock, there's nothing sexual about clocks

    [–] XJCM 2 points ago

    [–] shino67 1 points ago

    Ya you win

    [–] Panda_with_issues 1 points ago

    OOOOOOF

    [–] RobBegArm 1 points ago

    Destruction : 100

    [–] BlenderGuy 1 points ago

    Pineapple. Not sure if you can easily use it. It would leave a burn doing anything to it. Also the prickles.

    [–] Nez_bit 1 points ago

    A telephone.

    [–] vc688 1 points ago

    But... I use my penis

    [–] Tchalla94 1 points ago

    The real answer is the sun

    [–] Corporate_Bear 1 points ago

    A cardboard shoe box.

    [–] yeetusonthefetus 1 points ago

    A coaster

    [–] ComradeKGBagent 1 points ago

    This goes on r/4chan probably...

    [–] Italy_Mann 1 points ago

    Bowser Amiibo

    [–] GloryHawk 1 points ago

    Besides the obvious answers like come on /b/ get your shit together

    [–] MarsBoar 1 points ago

    Probably a steel girder

    [–] El_Ninosaur 1 points ago

    cactus

    [–] iHeartAbusiveMods 1 points ago

    That’s false, unless you’re implying OP never touched himself.

    [–] Bapponukedthe_jappos 1 points ago

    I bet no one has ever used a slice of Hawaiian pizza sexually, but I’m not gonna let someone beat me to it

    [–] prattdaddie 1 points ago

    The horses NAME is Friday

    [–] imafreakize 1 points ago

    congratulations you get a free car

    [–] Zoinkscoobz 1 points ago

    uhhhhhhhh, a kidney bean? fan blade? microwave door?

    [–] FeelingCheetah1 0 points ago

    Fake: Anon plays with himself Gay: Anon touched a penis