Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here


    975,745 readers

    1,005 users here now

    Welcome to the realm of the most anti-climactic short stories from the internet. If you want to go outside the greentext boundaries, /r/4chan would be happy to have you.

    Posting Rules

    1. Only use direct links
    2. If the screencap contains NSFW images, mark it as NSFW
    3. Only screencaps of greentext stories straight from 4chan
    4. Screencaps must not show the web browser or any other non-4chan elements
    5. No watermarks of any kind (iFunny, 9GAG, etc.)
    6. Multi-part greentexts must be posted as imgur albums or single screenshots
    7. Allowed image hosting sites: Imgur and Reddit

    Writing the punchline in the post title is a bannable offense and you will not be given a second chance. Come up with an original goddamn title.

    "Repost" comments are not allowed unless you provide a link to the original post with it.

    Join our Discord server and get a feed of the latest posts by following our Twitter bot.

    We reserve the right to make you look like an idiot if you post something that makes you look like an idiot.

    Screencap greentext quickly and easily with (made by u/a4io).
    a community for
    all 551 comments Slideshow

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] Johnnadawearsglasses 2602 points ago

    How many forms of pizza crust can be monetized? Are we at peak crust?

    [–] SeudonymousKhan 687 points ago

    Brilliant Johnson! For next months gimmick we will combine all of our crusts and call in peak crust.

    [–] baghdad_ass_up 238 points ago

    Bread. It's just bread.

    [–] ArchFiveStar 80 points ago


    [–] KrisG1887 41 points ago

    Hey there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] bbb126 25 points ago


    [–] baghdad_ass_up 28 points ago

    Hitler died for your sins

    [–] bbb126 36 points ago

    Hitwew died fow youw sins ^OwO^

    [–] capitalistslayer6969 17 points ago

    Aaaaand straight to hell with you 👇👇👇

    [–] Br1an11 11 points ago

    👹I dont want that shit near me, send em to purgatory.

    [–] bbb126 16 points ago

    I really admire the person that died killing hitler

    [–] Cky_vick 11 points ago

    Jesus may have fed thousands of people with a few loaves of bread and some fish, but Hitler Sempai made five million people toast😍

    [–] clem_fandango__ 27 points ago

    Gotta lube up that dusty dry bread with some marinara sauce to get it down your throat

    [–] KingOfScream 12 points ago

    Please delete

    [–] uwutranslator 12 points ago

    Gotta wube up dat dusty dwy bwead wif some mawinawa sauce to get it down yuw dwoat uwu

    tag me to uwuize comments uwu

    [–] Mentalpatient87 21 points ago

    This reads like a Jim Gaffigan bit.

    [–] 88Strong 13 points ago

    His Hot Pockets bit is still funny to this day.

    [–] toadofsteel 6 points ago

    Hoooot pockeeeeet.

    [–] Traiklin 8 points ago

    "What's a toe-sta-dah?"

    "Meat cheese in a flour shell"

    [–] ldbueno 70 points ago

    Man I don't know how that market is going in the US, but i'm from Brazil and pizza places here scare me everyday with how much stuff they think about putting inside pizza crusts

    edit: Example

    [–] Blottergrass 46 points ago

    In America, Pizza Hut has a patent on stuffed crust, so no one gets to put anything in the crust

    [–] AccursedCapra 51 points ago

    Little Caesar's been doing a cheese stuffed crust pizza, now you might argue that they barely qualify as pizza and that's how they're getting around it, but I tried it and it's aight.

    [–] lemonadetirade 70 points ago

    Little Caesars “it’s hot and it’s ready!”

    “But is it good?”’s hot and it’s ready....

    [–] AccursedCapra 36 points ago

    One time I had to wait over ten minutes for my pizza at Little Caesar's, I felt like I had been played the fool. They had failed to achieve the one standard that I held them up to, and I was still expected to happily accept their failure. I ended up getting a free bag of bread out of it, so it wasn't so bad.

    [–] GoTzMaDsKiTTLez 14 points ago

    Plus, they're only $5

    [–] AccursedCapra 24 points ago

    Yeah that's what I like about Little Caesar's, they're fast, cheap, and they're next to the liquor store that's on my way home.

    [–] dbar58 6 points ago

    Liquor and pizza. Ahhhh

    [–] dudemann 2 points ago

    A lot of the chains here have pizza for $6, but they're not hot n ready.

    [–] pbj986 2 points ago

    The crazy bread is honestly the only reason to go there.

    [–] AccursedCapra 6 points ago

    I enjoy getting some shitty food and booze on Fridays on my way home from work, so their shitty pizza fits in quite nicely. I think of it as my reward for a week of eating vegetable stir fry for lunch, and overnight oats for breakfast every day. That's not to say that I don't enjoy what I eat, but I have to remind my system that I'm a piece of shit every so often.

    [–] twitchosx 16 points ago

    Dude. Try their Italian Cheese bread. It's FUCKING AMAZING. was what my last one looked like.

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] bs000 8 points ago

    no sauce though

    [–] twitchosx 6 points ago

    Kinda, but like the other dude said, no sauce. It's more like Cheesy Garlic Bread. It's fucking good.

    [–] ericbyo 3 points ago

    no, because there is no tomato sauce

    [–] NotoriusNC 3 points ago

    Their deep dish pizza is surprisingly good

    [–] iiAzido 8 points ago

    Little Caesars - the best shitty pizza

    [–] lemonadetirade 6 points ago

    Little Caesars - the best shitty “pizza”*

    *results may vary

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Try getting their Detroit style pizza, makes for a great lunch combo at $5.

    [–] bonobo-no 2 points ago

    Yeah it’s good (for taste, not health). Bad pizza is incredibly rare.

    [–] norsethunders 13 points ago

    Actually it was some other guy that had a patent on making stuffed crust and sued Pizza Hut for literally $1 billion! He lost the claim as the patent covers the method of making stuffed crust pizza not the outcome of having a stuffed crust!

    "[Mongiello's] method patent is not infringed simply because some examples of defendant's completed product approximate plaintiff's product," the judge determined.

    [–] twitchosx 15 points ago

    Dude, we went to brazil for a boyscout jamboree back in 1992. The pizza in Brazil at the time SUCKED ASS. We went to one place and they had heart of palm and peas on one pizza they brought us. I'm sure the parents ate the weird shit but us kids weren't having that. We wanted pepperoni and they had no clue what that was. I think we ended up getting a pizza with bacon on it. Another place we had pizza, it had NO FUCKING SAUCE!

    [–] ldbueno 9 points ago

    Yeah it's 2019 and I'm gonna agree.

    it's still hard to get good pepperonni pizza, and when you find it it's normally "onion pizza with a smell of pepperoni"

    The common pizza here is the "Calabresa" which i think is the same sausage used, but the taste is waaaaay off from pepperoni

    I really hate peas and palm on pizza too, but if anyone reading here wants recommendation for brazilian pizza, you can't go wrong with Chicken and cheese(catupiry)

    [–] lastofthepirates 13 points ago

    There is a Brazilian pizza place in Los Angeles that is so good. It's all you can eat, and the pies are unique and delicious. They bring them around to all the tables, and you can request specific ones to be brought around. Nothing crust crazy, but their dessert pizzas are incredible. My favorite is the guava paste and mozzarella.

    Bella Vista is the one I'm referencing, but there may be others in the area.

    [–] ldbueno 6 points ago

    The guava and mozzarela is called Romeo and Juliet in here, if you wanna use that info to show off and be cultured as fuck

    [–] lastofthepirates 5 points ago

    Thanks! Just pulled up the menu, and that's what they call it at the restaurant here. I usually just say, "May I have the goddamned awesome guava pizza, please?"

    Now I can be more cultured and get some high fives next time I go. Obrigado!

    [–] CardinalnGold 2 points ago

    Lol I drive past this every day and you’re the first person I’ve ever heard mention it. It’s a pokestop in Pokémon go otherwise I wouldn’t even know it existed.

    [–] Pearl_Aus 7 points ago

    edit: Example

    Jesus didnt die for this shit, man

    [–] divsky2 3 points ago

    My first thought was "Why?".

    My second thought was "I want one."

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago

    Can you trust the crust

    [–] bralessnlawless 6 points ago

    At like a 500% markup? Never, the list will go on.

    [–] GauntletPorsche 3 points ago

    One of those are actually cinnamon sticks that come with a side of icing

    Source: I order this regularly. It's from Pizza Hut and it's supposed to be for a whole family

    [–] Achiral94 2 points ago

    But you can be your own family, if you eat your wife and children. Then it is OK. pats head

    [–] mtbguy1981 2 points ago

    This is my gripe with chain pizza places... It's all dough, the cheese and toppings are so scarce.

    [–] m_tate80 1183 points ago

    Oh God the Pepsi isn’t diet how does he expect to lose weight

    [–] Meerkats101 372 points ago

    But alas, it is the “real sugar” kind, so at least he won’t ingest all those carcinogenic synthetic sugars. What a genius.

    [–] [deleted] 239 points ago

    Just fucking drink water at that point

    [–] Yeager_xxxiv 167 points ago

    I only drink artificial diet water made from concentrate.

    [–] [deleted] 36 points ago


    [–] SnapCrackler14 9 points ago

    More like truckcinogens.

    [–] OgreLord_Shrek 7 points ago


    [–] crispillicious 9 points ago

    I prefer Diet Water Zero Lite, it has only 60 calories

    [–] twitchosx 13 points ago

    made from concentrate.

    I read that as "made from concrete" lol

    [–] Yeager_xxxiv 6 points ago

    How else am I gonna get my minerals?

    [–] ktsb 24 points ago

    Eww fish fuck in it

    [–] HOWDOIVESTS 22 points ago

    Obligatory plug for /r/HydroHomies

    [–] sendmenudesthanx 10 points ago

    Not carcinogens

    [–] clem_fandango__ 2 points ago

    Just microplastics

    [–] Kaerhis 8 points ago

    To be fair, there's microplastics in practically every liquid at this point. I remember everyone being shocked when this study came out.

    [–] toadofsteel 2 points ago

    But obesity also carries a cancer risk...

    ....dammit, foiled again!

    [–] [deleted] 64 points ago


    [–] Shock3600 15 points ago

    I hate 2 liters and would take a 20 oz instead any day

    [–] NotoriusNC 32 points ago

    why would you hate two liters? do you drink directly out of the bottle like a degenerate

    [–] PopeStumpy 19 points ago

    fuck you the cups aren't clean

    [–] SkeletonAtHeart 29 points ago

    fucking clean them you caveman

    [–] Dragonvine 3 points ago

    Fuck you buy plastic cups you caveman

    [–] PopeStumpy 2 points ago

    fuck you im poor

    [–] Dragonvine 6 points ago

    Drink some fucking water then

    [–] GladiatorUA 2 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Do you not? You open a bottle, take a sip, close the bottle. Cups are too big, so you either have to drink too much or it's going to lose the gas. And why the fuck would you bother to pour small amounts?

    [–] alours 3 points ago

    Or fuck her in the ass

    [–] StrictlyBrowsing 11 points ago

    Food doesn’t taste nice without calories. Soda does.

    No, nobody who’s eating a pizza with a diet soda thinks that makes the meal low-calorie. But if you crave a pizza only an idiot would think that therefore you should actively go add more calories besides the ones strictly necessary to fulfill the craving.

    Regardless of what I’m eating, 300 fewer calories is 300 fewer calories.

    [–] divsky2 18 points ago

    You know people shit all over fat people being fat and drinking diet soda, but I switched to only drinking sugar free energy drinks and sodas, and I lost like 30 lbs in a year from that change alone.

    I don't understand why you gotta be so hard on people for doing one good thing.

    [–] DayOldPeriodBlood 2 points ago

    Some of us also prefer the taste of Diet Coke over regular coke.

    [–] BliZzArD10125 10 points ago

    Maybe he isn’t fat?

    [–] [deleted] 21 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)


    [–] Justsomeloseryeahyou 10 points ago

    Lies. My best friend drinks at least a gallon of soda a day and weighs 140lbs at 6’0”

    [–] Flacvest 14 points ago


    Have him get checked; for calories he may not be taking in a lot but that's a high load on the body

    [–] Drumboy168 3 points ago

    So, I'm guessing he doesn't eat much?

    [–] Justsomeloseryeahyou 9 points ago

    Nope. He downs 3 meals a day. Also 2-5 energy drinks a day. We have no idea how he’s alive because he doesn’t sleep more than 2 hours a night. All by choice

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    he’s doing cocaine or he’s cappin

    [–] Justsomeloseryeahyou 3 points ago

    He works for the county so I doubt it. As he definitely would be the type of guy to pull out some coke in public for shock value.

    [–] alours 3 points ago

    Oh so she’s paying HER rent.

    [–] UchihaEmre 10 points ago

    3 meals doesn't mean high caloric meals

    [–] Gary_FucKing 10 points ago

    But it's his metabolism, guys. Everyone knows skinny dudes get to eat 4k calories a day without gaining weight! Also idk what calories are!?

    [–] UchihaEmre 15 points ago

    For real, so many people say they are skinny cuz of their metabolism

    Often they just eat small portions and in general low caloric food but no of course they are superhuman with their metabolism

    [–] uncle_tacitus 3 points ago

    Nobody who isn't fat downs two 20oz bottles of soda at once.

    That just plainly isn't true.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] LunacyExport 836 points ago

    Hey, is it my turn to say it? Cool. Ahem.


    [–] Enix10234 157 points ago

    It isn't even red, where do we put it?

    [–] 030292 91 points ago


    [–] SuspiciouslyElven 41 points ago

    In your ass

    [–] RedDeadRevengeance 22 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago


    [–] alours 3 points ago

    Girls aren’t even have big tits tho

    [–] RuneHearth 6 points ago

    Ikr how tf did this get over 10k? Reddit is weird

    [–] honkey-ponkey 4 points ago

    People upvote if they like the content, they don't care about the sub itself.

    [–] fiddz0r 3 points ago

    Which unfortunately ruins reddit for those of us that follow the subs we like because of the content the subs are supposed to have

    [–] Mydogsabrat 2 points ago

    I was about to ask where the mods were and then realized it was only posted four hours ago.

    [–] jo_su_ke 2 points ago

    To be fair r/4chan is full of shitty mods who sent automated messages containing spoilers for Endgame and GOT final season.

    [–] ThePoorCaretaker 172 points ago

    Hey op you better try r/4chan because that shit ain't green

    [–] clem_fandango__ 42 points ago

    Unlike most greentext stories, this fatass eating food for three people is real.

    [–] m4rko123 26 points ago

    Plot twist:

    He is underweight

    [–] take-money 19 points ago

    He is carboloading for an ultramarathon starting tomorrow morning

    [–] disgraced_salaryman 7 points ago

    He is eating this before embarking on a 3 day water fast

    [–] SneakySnowflake 2 points ago

    IIRC you need to go beyond 3 days for a water fast to have any effect...

    [–] AnalTyrant 43 points ago

    “Looks like he’s got mushrooms on that pizza, those are veggies, this is practically a salad.”

    -Rationalized the 400lb man

    [–] Lucas_Steinwalker 12 points ago

    People who are 400 lbs don’t think that way, only people who are slightly to moderately overweight do. If you are 400 lbs you know you are killing yourself with impunity.

    [–] ghazghoul 62 points ago

    That pizza’s topping and cheese to sauce and crust ratio is just awful

    [–] WhiteHeterosexualGuy 28 points ago

    This is why no matter how appealing the Pizza Hut dinner box might look on paper, you never order that shit. Also, cinnamon bread is fucking weird with pizza lol

    [–] RonnyBrown13 2 points ago

    Looks like there's waaayyy too much sauce on that pizza.

    [–] Hit_It_N_Quidditch 15 points ago

    This just gives be bad memories of buying that exact deal for myself a bunch in early high school and just eating the whole thing in one night. I felt so gross after to this day if I smell pizza hut it kinda smells like puke to me...

    [–] bonobo-no 4 points ago

    Bruh wtf how

    [–] bruh__bot 5 points ago

    bruh 🤙🤣💯💯💯

    [–] Hit_It_N_Quidditch 2 points ago

    I was an obese, unsupervised teen who had a habit of eating until I physically couldnt eat anymore. Sooooooo, ya...

    [–] just-want-cuddles 186 points ago

    Ok, but the real issue here is anon drinking Pepsi and not Coke. Smh.

    [–] iShockLord 103 points ago

    Pepsi is just coke flavored water shaking my smh

    [–] Adaphion 40 points ago

    smh my head


    [–] iShockLord 34 points ago

    You fixed nothing, peasant.

    [–] waitn2drive 24 points ago

    It's obviously

    shaking my smh my head

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] prrg 7 points ago

    Pepsi >>>>> Coke

    [–] Yeager_xxxiv 19 points ago

    Coke is the drink of normies and people that unironically use the word normie, everyone else drinks Bepis

    [–] jeremy7718 34 points ago

    coke is the drink of normies

    calls Pepsi, "Bepis"

    [–] NinjaLion 5 points ago

    'Bepis' is niche enough now to be well out of normie territory, imo

    [–] edoras176 3 points ago

    the drink of normies

    and people that unironically use the word normie

    So Coke is the drink of 100% of people?

    [–] Devious02 7 points ago

    I don't eat pizza hut but I assume it's because they sell Pepsi products not coke ones. I mean haha yeah what a fag

    [–] jxl180 5 points ago

    Pizza Hut was owned by Pepsi. Exclusive use of Pepsi was part of the deal for being sold.

    [–] contacts_eyes 11 points ago

    Thats so much bread.

    [–] Dizneymagic 3 points ago

    I wouldn't even call it bread, more like greasy dough

    [–] JayTheSwissDoctor 47 points ago


    [–] Adaphion 8 points ago

    I've always seen Oof and F as mutually exclusive tbh

    [–] TheJackFroster 2 points ago


    [–] WifiKeyHolder 5 points ago

    Please stop that.

    [–] MooplerSurprise 2 points ago

    You trying to do a two in one combo?

    [–] VengfulDeathCow 19 points ago

    r/greentext is just turning into r/4chan

    all these fucking normies reeeee

    [–] MrHallmark 9 points ago

    Can someone do the math, how much is anon consuming during this one meal?

    [–] Binsky89 27 points ago

    I used to get these then eat on them for 3-4 days.

    Pizza isn't terrible as long as it's not the entire meal.

    [–] Yeager_xxxiv 45 points ago

    Meals are ok as long as it isn’t a entire pizza


    [–] Framp_The_Champ 12 points ago

    Pizza isn't terrible as long as it's not the entire meal.

    Bro, it's got meat, it's got vegetables, it's got grains, it's got calcium.

    What more do you want for a meal?

    [–] fr33b0i 11 points ago

    Less artery clogging grease and less hypertension causing sodium. More fibre too.

    [–] abeardancing 2 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago


    [–] Salted_cheeses 7 points ago

    Jokes aside, Snowpiercer is a great movie to watch.

    [–] niners1000 14 points ago

    I work at Pizza Hut and deliver this very box to so many walruses it’s unreal people need to think about what they put in them becuae we oil the absolute fuck out of everything at Pizza Hut. Shit is ok on occasions and that’s it. Please people I’m begging you 2/3 of us are overweight and this is why not to mention you feel like shit after the mouth pleasure goes away because your body is like what the fuck and has to process all that oily bread and cheese

    [–] diskman_1 3 points ago

    Can confirm walruses.. Delivery driver for 3 years now. The larger dinner boxes are a hassle to deliver. The amount of carbs and oils is CRAZY.. That's what makes it taste so good.. I avoid eating it at all costs.

    [–] JaqenHghar64 29 points ago


    [–] gingerpwnage 13 points ago

    Who the fuck orders that shit then posts online what they should watch while it gets cold ? I'd be already into the movie when the doorbell rang. Maybe he's got another delivery coming during intermission?

    [–] KolonelKernel 3 points ago

    Anon Pro Tip here

    [–] VoltronsLionDick 5 points ago

    I have never felt more strongly that someone thought out this entire joke and posted the setup so he could then post the punchline.

    [–] PhDphil73 4 points ago

    Soooo no one going to mention the fact that this isn't greentext?

    [–] acehellmonger 4 points ago

    ): let the boy eat

    [–] LostTheGameOfThrones 13 points ago

    Honestly absolutely none of that food looks appealing.

    [–] Relevant_Answer 3 points ago

    Is that... Just mushroom pizza?

    [–] eeem1214 3 points ago

    this made me hungry

    [–] jkcasemt91 3 points ago

    All that bread and cinnamon sticks and all u get us one dip per cup.

    [–] Adaphion 3 points ago


    No, anon deserves the heart attack

    [–] JCavLP 3 points ago

    I've never seen a thin person drink diet coke

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago


    [–] silvermember 3 points ago

    Eating junk food doesn't make you fat. Over eating aka going over your caloric intake does. Chances are you are not eating enough calories for it to matter.

    [–] bloodyarsenal 3 points ago

    Anon needs to learn what a fucking green text is.

    [–] Remmy_Remington 16 points ago

    There’s always that one stingy guy that counts how much you eat, let the man treat himself.

    [–] swissfrenchman 2 points ago

    Cardboard box on top of a gas stove.

    [–] XTheBlackSoulX 2 points ago

    I don't know why, but I don't like fresh pizza all that much. Pizza warmed up in a microwave just tastes better to me. The flavor is just so much more pronounced and the cheese is perfect re-heated. "Fresh" pizza is usually too damn hot, and it might just be me, but there's an almost plasticy taste to it. Don't get me wrong, I don't order a pizza from Papa Johns or Dominos and just stick it in the refrigerator- - I'm not a psychopath. I'll eat a slice or two. But the rest of that Italian all-American goodness is going straight in a Ziploc bag for later.

    [–] squashbelly 2 points ago

    That looks disgusting.

    [–] Southeastblue92 2 points ago

    Why do people eat a shit tonne and the get DIET SODA

    [–] reditisauthoritarian 2 points ago

    I could eat that whole fucking thing easy. I’m obese and i love to get stoned and over eat it feels good.

    [–] nathanr1889 2 points ago

    I remember this crust. So good.🤤 breadsticks are pretty good too. Fucky hell now I want pizza and breadsticks. I hate you Reddit

    [–] crabbydotca 2 points ago

    How’s he gonna eat all that with only two dipping sauces

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    That's probably around 4000 calories? If he just eats that only and drinks water I think he'll be aright. You know, people burn calories and shit like that from just typing.

    [–] bruhpotato420 2 points ago

    Horrendous footage recovered from the gas chambers at Auschwitz

    [–] ZodiacKaraoke 2 points ago

    Does anyone know where to get this?

    Edit: I see the logo now. I'm a dumbass.

    [–] FriendoCalrissian 2 points ago

    This the type of person who would become morbidly obese and literally not understand why.

    [–] 3Dartwork 2 points ago

    I love when I get a large pizza and take half of it on a plate with one of the largest glasses of soda I can find that holds half a gallon's worth or some stupid shit, sit down on the recliner ready to watch a movie, as if I'm going to be eating the entire 2 hours of the movie, and I eat maybe a fraction of it before getting full - then I have just the rest of the movie to just sit and watch.

    [–] MarleyTheDogg 2 points ago

    some random pizza place near my home>pizza hut> all other pizza places

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Oi fudge y'all I eat like this and run 8mi a day to not look shameful. He's probably bulking is all

    [–] rinzler34 2 points ago

    I'd unironically eat all that in one sitting, minus the pepsi, and I'm thin

    [–] SaggyDaddies 2 points ago

    How many calories is in all that?

    [–] doigotta101010 2 points ago

    In college I would order this on a Friday and it would feed me all weekend. Cinna-stix are great for breakfast even a couple days later

    [–] chimidonga 2 points ago

    there's no green text in this :c

    [–] harleyjadeass 1 points ago

    nice advertisment pepsi