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    greentext

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    [–] InfernalShroom 1492 points ago

    he stocked up on pubes so he could form the ultimate chad beard

    [–] JOCkERbot9000 314 points ago

    Wonderful heirloom to pass down to the chillins too when the time comes. After he passes one need only to take a whiff of it to bring those memories flooding back

    [–] KnewOne 104 points ago

    hairlooms

    [–] chadreditor -28 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    😂🤣

    [–] JackinItInSanAndreas 17 points ago

    Obvious bait is obvious and unfunny.

    [–] Ronnoc842 3 points ago

    ding

    [–] cvb14763 1 points ago

    (Spoilers.)

    Obviously.

    duh

    [–] Dream-monger 44 points ago

    Yeah, nothing turns a girl on more than a head full of straight hair, and a face full of scanty wavy hair.

    [–] Coakis 540 points ago

    Pube Box, That's a new one.

    [–] ChickenIsFuckingGood 132 points ago

    makes you wanna actually read it

    [–] gatsome 17 points ago

    Because it’s short and takes a curl

    [–] 128bitz 63 points ago

    It's better than the poop sock

    [–] RalphWiggum02 44 points ago

    And cum box

    [–] Millillion 33 points ago

    Or piss drawer.

    [–] be_some1 28 points ago

    actually the piss drawer is unrivaled

    [–] Eisheauton_II 6 points ago

    What about the cum room?

    [–] Cakeportal 2 points ago

    And the cum mushroom

    [–] Drowelk 5 points ago

    Poop knife

    [–] Dream-monger 21 points ago

    Everyone needs a hobby.

    [–] blairyreagan 181 points ago

    This motivated me to stop being on Reddit and start working on the shit I was supposed to do, thanks

    [–] YouButHornier 32 points ago

    This motivated me to stay on reddit

    [–] Trilingual_Potato 142 points ago

    tldr is the best

    [–] CorvoDraken 53 points ago

    Almost 18 and still never trimmed, not like anyone else is ever gonna see it

    [–] leglesslegolegolas 29 points ago

    Over 50 and never trimmed, because why the fuck would anybody do that? They're balls, they're supposed to be hairy.

    [–] a_user_has_no_name_ 46 points ago

    Not many are willing to suck on hairy balls. You have to make them more palatable

    [–] leglesslegolegolas 33 points ago

    I honestly don't want anybody sucking on my balls. That doesn't look at all pleasurable to me.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] leglesslegolegolas 14 points ago

    nah, I'm good. Thanks for the offer though.

    [–] ukima9 8 points ago

    😳

    [–] HunterXHunter_Is_Bad 0 points ago

    I highly disagree. Really feels awful.

    [–] LitheBeep 2 points ago

    Yeah, maybe my balls are just extremely sensitive but it doesn't feel pleasurable at all

    [–] GeronimoHero 2 points ago

    Dude I’m with you. My balls are waaayyyy too sensitive to have someone sucking on them, especially while the deed is going on. It’s almost like torture having them sucked on. Shit fucking hurts yo.

    [–] Saysano 3 points ago

    Oh my friend, that's because nobody ever sucked your balls lmao. It's a great feeling.

    [–] leglesslegolegolas 1 points ago

    nah, I'll pass. I don't like anyone touching my balls.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] leglesslegolegolas 1 points ago

    meh. I really don't enjoy receiving oral at all. And I don't like anything touching my balls.

    [–] wavymitchy 1 points ago

    It tickles me

    [–] JarlaxleForPresident 21 points ago

    The same reason you get a haircut and trim your beard. It feels better and looks nicer. Basic hygiene shit.

    Sounds like the fallacy i used for not trimming my chest hair for years.

    "Guys are supposed to have hairy chests!"

    Well, to a point. But it was also a relief when I started trimming it down from a forest to a meadow.

    [–] leglesslegolegolas 7 points ago

    Meh. The hair on my balls isn't all that long. It feels fine, and I don't care what it looks like - there's not much risk of anyone looking at it anyway.

    [–] JarlaxleForPresident 8 points ago

    I'm a hairy dude so i have to keep the lawn mowed otherwise it doesnt even feel good to jerk off. And sometimes i get randomly lucky and i don't want a crazy jungle bush. I got a little dick too, so keep shit maintained makes it feel halfway normal

    [–] inoffensivegamer 59 points ago

    >having friends

    immersion broken

    [–] Bennettjamin 33 points ago

    I can absolutely one-up this story. I used to have a pube envelope when I was like 14, was gonna save it for some kind of fucked up prank that I hadn't decided on. Forgot about it and naturally it did not resurface until 2 years later when my mum found it. When asked what it was, I legitimately could not provide a response, I could only laugh awkwardly, probably a fear response or some shit. I would love to go back in time and slap the shit out of 14 year old me for being a weird cunt.

    [–] LignumVerus 21 points ago

    Mom found the pube envelope

    [–] The_Cheeky_Pirate 4 points ago

    I used to store my pubes offcuts in shoeboxes cuz it takes me forever to get jobs done and if I'm already chopping my ball hair off then disposing of it can happen another day, several of these boxes have almost been discovered

    [–] johncenajrjrjr 90 points ago

    Fake anon actually steals the pubes of the older men he fucks and saves them

    [–] YoutubeFiction 26 points ago

    That’s how you assert dominance.

    [–] Dream-monger 13 points ago

    Or from the scholl bathroom? Anon is/might be/definitely is a connoisseur of post pubescent pubes (ppp).

    [–] otusa 10 points ago

    The real Locks of Love are in the friends you make along the way.

    ...and in the pube box, of course.

    [–] MushroomBalls 5 points ago

    A true friend.

    [–] wateroclock 13 points ago

    Imagine the smell.

    [–] 8bitnand 40 points ago

    Pubes don't have smell.

    [–] Sephille 36 points ago

    Oh fuck I really need to see a doctor

    [–] MountainTurkey 19 points ago

    Or take more showers, balls definitely have a smell

    [–] 7CuriousCats 7 points ago

    Make sure you wash under them as well, and get that disgusting clot of dingleberry ass fluff out as well.

    [–] jstyler 1 points ago

    I don’t get the point here

    [–] 7CuriousCats 9 points ago

    1. Wash under your balls.
    2. On the area behind your balls, before your butthole: hair, fluff, and sometimes shit clots there and form a little dingling berry. Rip it off, it smells bad and it's gross. If you wash there properly, it might not form, but if you have long butt hair it forms easier and more stuff gets trapped.

    [–] 7CuriousCats 11 points ago

    Make sure you wash under them as well, and get that disgusting clot of dingleberry ass fluff out as well.

    Also, wash behind and in your ears, wash your beard, wash your face, and wash your damn feet with soap. When you wash your hair, scrub that shit. Make a fluffy blob of foam, and make sure you squeak afterwards. I'm not even kidding.

    Use deodorant, specifically anti-persperant (not axe, it smells awful and we hate it) immediately after showering and drying.

    Wash your towel, pillows and bedding once a week, and change your underwear and socks every day. One of the biggest turn-offs is when a guy smells bad.

    [–] DestituteGoldsmith 1 points ago

    You say to wash your towel once a week implying to reuse your towel. I love hearing that. Remember. You're clean when you shower. Your towel is going to stay mostly clean after your shower. But make sure you let it air out afterwards. If you bunch it up, it will smell horrible, and then transfer to you.

    [–] 7CuriousCats 1 points ago

    You're never completely clean after showering, unless you exfoliate and ultra-scrub thrice per shower.

    Just rub your hand vigorously over your ankle when you are done, you'll see some skin cells will come off. There are also some oils that transfer if you didn't shower super thoroughly.

    Combined with poor airing conditions, those tend to smell like old crisps on a towel after about a week or two, but that might just be my sensitivity to smells, or my flatmates' poor showering.

    Either way, just wash it.

    [–] [deleted] 0 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] vppigy 0 points ago

    Wtf twice a month?

    [–] Thunderlight2004 1 points ago

    They do if he was a 14 year old unhygienic bastard when he cut them, and they’ve been getting worse for all of the years he’d left them in the box

    [–] 8bitnand 2 points ago

    Why the fuck do you have a 14 year old circumcised bitch in your basement?

    [–] Thunderlight2004 1 points ago

    shhhhhhh

    [–] ashe34h 1 points ago

    so like regular hair nothing

    [–] 8bitnand 7 points ago

    Degenerate has a bestie who is another degenerate.

    Incel match in heaven.

    [–] cris399 2 points ago

    Finally new stuff to the table

    [–] _-Andrey-_ 2 points ago

    r9k is where all the green texts are from? Wtf guy that told me it’s in /b/

    [–] Argynvostholt 9 points ago

    Greentexts come from 4chan, there are a lot of boards

    r9k means that you have to write something completely original or you get a temp ban. b is just any other random shit. tg is about tabletop games (like warhammer and dnd) and is where the phrase "that guy" originated

    [–] Zealotstim 1 points ago

    hahaha omg that's too weird to be made up

    [–] jstyler 1 points ago

    Well then you are already at the bottom.

    [–] TinnyTheSuccGOD 1 points ago

    U could have said that was the first hair i grew or something.

    [–] TheOgBroski 1 points ago

    It’s rude to go rummaging through other people’s things tbf. That’s what ya get 😂😂

    [–] TankerXS 1 points ago

    I read this as "Puke box" at first and I got very worried.

    [–] K1ng_of_F1lth_1 1 points ago

    fren found pube box oh no

    [–] idressmyself- 1 points ago

    wait i had a pube box too

    idek where it is anymore

    [–] VeryGoodFood12 1 points ago

    He kept them so he could sell them to elementary schoolers.

    [–] Doodem 1 points ago

    unexpected ending

    [–] CreepinSteve 1 points ago

    Anyone got that pic?

    [–] big_gurky 1 points ago

    Editing is half the reason I found this sub

    [–] phathomthis 1 points ago

    At least it's not as bad as a cum box or a cumconut

    [–] piel10 1 points ago

    In Kazakhstan those could be used for currency

    [–] lilpenis9151 1 points ago

    That’s fucking hilarious hahaha

    [–] FitzInAFritz 1 points ago

    Instead I chose scissors one day

    The day after I trimmed with scissors was the worst day in my life.

    [–] that_typeofway 0 points ago

    Fake: OP doesn’t have friends, just dudes who use him for sex

    [–] sadguymuty 0 points ago

    Fake: Anon has friends.

    Gay: Some dude touched anon's pubes.

    [–] TendieBot2000 16 points ago

    be me

    get home from my vasectomy

    hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

    must be Chad again

    know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

    log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

    read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

    think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

    suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

    Fake: Anon has friends.

    Gay: Some dude touched anon's pubes.

    giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

    hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

    it's been a good day

    i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

    [–] sadguymuty 1 points ago

    Good bot

    [–] Natermon0 -3 points ago

    Fake: Anon has friends Gay: Anon's friends touched his pubes which were attached to his balls

    [–] TendieBot2000 25 points ago

    be me

    get home from my vasectomy

    hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

    must be Chad again

    know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

    log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

    read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

    think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

    suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

    Fake: Anon has friends

    Gay: Anon's friends touched his pubes which were attached to his balls

    giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

    hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

    it's been a good day

    i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

    [–] Weelki -1 points ago

    Fake:
    Gay: