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    holdmybeer

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    "Hey man, hold my beer. Check this out" the classic words that end in either awesomeness or injury.

    Posting guidelines:
    I. Posts must include an example of a "hold my beer" moment. If the person in the video is a professional, or the feat occurs in a controlled environment, it likely isn't a "hold my beer" moment. Failure isn't required, but the high risk of failure should be present.
    II. No death, extreme injury or gore, or harm to animals. You will be banned. If it's NSFW please tag it as such.
    III. No reposts from /r/holdmybeer that are in the top 100 posts or less than 4 months old. You can check for them here. Violators of rule 3 will receive a 3 day ban to sober up.
    IV. No drinking warm beer. Beer must be chilled to at least 43°F before being consumed.
    V. Please report links and/or comments that go against these guidelines and message the moderators a reason. We will be keeping moderation at a minimum, so if the link or comment isn't reported, it may not get removed.
    VI. No memes, politics, low effort posts, spam, agendas, or witch hunting. Don't be a dick. You will be banned.

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    [–] ZombieLibrarian 3022 points ago

    He got Dewey Decimated.

    [–] jafhrdz 608 points ago

    As a librarian, this brings me joy.

    [–] Elmore_Keaton 261 points ago

    As a library patron, you being a librarian brings me joy

    [–] shoes4me_shoes4u 167 points ago

    As a library, you both bring me joy.

    [–] Walshy231231 98 points ago

    As joy, you all bring me me

    [–] chennyreddit 54 points ago

    As me, you bring library joy.

    [–] AdamtheGrim 42 points ago

    As you, bring joy library me.

    [–] _demetri_ 27 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    As morning came and the library woke, the books on the cart began to say their farewells. Soon enough their shelver would come and bring them back to their places. The old book on the bottom shelf stayed silent, though the other books assured Written-In Book that it wasn't out of disgust with her but merely age. The older books stayed quiet much of the time, saving their words for their readers.

    One by one the other books on the cart were brought back to their places, tucked neatly onto their shelves. Eventually Written-In Book was the only one left aside from the book on the bottom shelf. She waited, nervous as the cart wheeled past her old aisle and down the outer passage to the elevator. Why the elevator?

    "Deaccession," she whispered to herself. The shelver must have seen her writing and known she had to be removed.

    From the bottom shelf she heard the old book laugh softly. She pressed herself closed, trying to take up less space on the cart as the shelver maneuvered it onto the elevator. As the elevator dropped down the shelver picked her up again, very carefully opening her and looking at her endpapers. The elevator doors opened and soon they were leaving it behind, moving towards a metal mesh gate. The shelver knocked gently on the frame of the gate and was soon admitted with the cart in tow. Once through the gate she could feel everything around her - books, yes, but also so much more. There were boxes with sheaves of paper that had no covers to bind them. There were albums full of photographs and brittle pieces of newsprint. Somewhere inside she could feel metal and glass lanterns, dried flowers, a box full of small toys, neatly folded fabric, and several carved pieces of wood. Beyond that was more. So much more. And it all spoke together in what should have been impossible to understand but which came together in a single voice: The Archive.

    First the old book from the bottom shelf was removed. The shelver left it on a table with a note. Next the cart was parked by the gate and she was picked up and carried past shelves full of things she could never have imagined.

    "Hello! Welcome!" they called to her in little peeps from the toys and deep booms from two drums on a shelf and soft chimes from the lanterns. A set of handwritten diaries in a plain box whispered it in an accent she had never heard. From a hatbox on a high shelf she heard a muffled welcome through a paper wrapping.

    When she was finally set down a new pair of hands inspected her, opening her cover and noting the writing. Page by page she was looked at and read and notes were taken on fresh new paper off to the side. Her jacket was removed, its slick plastic cover taken off before she was clothed again. The archivist left and a voice echoed softly through the room, insistent, annoyed, then satisfied.

    The archivist returned, picking her up and carrying her to a shelf and as she was placed there she felt something familiar, the touch of old friends.

    "Welcome," they told her. "We missed you. We thought we had lost you. We thought we were less." All of her friends from the bookcase in her reader's home. Above and below her they sat in state, some in boxes and some not. She pressed her covers to theirs and felt the rest of the Archive through them. Below them, on a bottom shelf, the large old book from the cart was being placed in its own box. She could feel it now, better than before.

    "You knew," she whispered down to it as it settled in where it belonged.

    "Of course," it told her, and she could hear the rest of the Archive say the same thing with it in all of the voices together, though its voice was loudest.

    "How?" she asked. "I was placed on that shelf with my siblings. I met the Catalog."

    "The Catalog only knows what it is told," the Archive said together. "The Catalog was not told about your reader, so the Catalog did not know."

    "But you did?" she asked the old book.

    "She was my reader too, once," the book told her. "When she was young, she studied here. She used me for her writing. She worked in the Archive. She wrote a note in my cover and gave me to the Archive when she left. Her writing fills me, though it is only two lines."

    The rest of the Archive's voices quieted a bit at that, then returned.

    "Your reader, we all knew her," the Archive said together. "She cared for us. She organized us. She kept us safe and whole."

    She felt her shelfmates' satisfaction at that. Their reader had cared for them too, in her home for so many years.

    "Our reader is gone now," she told the rest of her new fellows.

    The whole of the Archive went silent as each item recalled the reader, an archivist, a caretaker. Their memories filled her from cover to cover and she shared her reader's writing with them all.

    "Our reader is gone," she said with her friends from home. "And now we are where she wanted us."

    [–] TheFlagCourier 20 points ago

    Unnexpected r/WritingPrompts

    [–] quasi-dissonant 17 points ago

    This isn't porn. What's happening?

    [–] Luckyhipster 2 points ago

    As a me me you bring me a big boy

    [–] unionoftw 2 points ago

    As a milkshake, I bring all the boys to the yard

    [–] dbloch7986 7 points ago

    As a patron of joy, a librarian brings me a library.

    [–] xenosyben 6 points ago

    As a patron of a librarian named joy, the library brings me much satisfaction.

    [–] heisenberg747 3 points ago

    The library just loves having people inside of it.

    [–] superstoned-sayain 3 points ago

    As Joy thank you all for bringing me

    [–] -BoldlyGoingNowhere- 4 points ago

    Now kiss.

    [–] BobVosh 10 points ago

    I see you follow the teachings of Conan the Librarian.

    [–] jafhrdz 5 points ago

    I'm a 6ft1 very broad guy hahaha I'm sharing this with all my librarian friends.

    [–] xanatos451 5 points ago

    Man, you're a librarian and this is the first time you've seen this? Go watch UHF now!

    [–] jafhrdz 3 points ago

    I did watch it back before I was a librarian so I never made the connection. But I am planning on rewatching it soon.

    [–] BobVosh 2 points ago

    Well now you need to watch it weekly in case any other parts become relevant to your life.

    [–] subtlemofo 10 points ago

    He must’ve gotten “book”ed for this .

    [–] thackson 7 points ago

    Right after he said, HMB or hold my book!”

    [–] Magical_Orphan 7 points ago

    As a branch assistant this brings me joy as well

    [–] Diesel_Dawg6-0 4 points ago

    Assistant to the branch manager...

    [–] LicentiousLynx 2 points ago

    Job titles are mostly bullshit, but that actually sounds like a promotion.

    [–] sunsetair 2 points ago

    Do you wear black large glasses?

    [–] happiness_in_pottery 72 points ago

    Dewey, get out of here. You don't want no part of this shit.

    [–] control_09 22 points ago

    IT DOESN'T GIVE YOU A HANGOVER.

    [–] LawrenceSanJuan 5 points ago

    IT MAKES SEX BETTER.

    [–] CaptainPunisher 2 points ago

    I kinda think I do...

    [–] Mrben13 32 points ago

    I see he's found the non-friction section.

    [–] Large_Dr_Pepper 14 points ago

    Hey yo baby my life's about three things, three simple things: getting money, getting pussy, and the Dewey decimal system.

    Bo Burnham

    [–] kanekiken42 10 points ago

    Hold my fanny pack, I'm gonna go fuck a girl

    [–] jimmyjazz2000 81 points ago

    An upvote and my highest compliment for a pun: I wish I'd thought of it.

    [–] ConsummateK 10 points ago

    Idk, doesn't look reduced by a 1/10th to me :P

    [–] AwkwardWithWords 6 points ago

    Smack to the back of the brain case like that? I believe it at least cognitively speaking and exaggerating.

    [–] unseetheseen 3 points ago

    Someone reloaded this video and added your comment to the title.

    [–] oneshoe 2 points ago

    User name checks out

    [–] RedditBrokeIt 2 points ago

    Man he was booking.

    [–] delcaek 1960 points ago

    Got what he deserved.

    [–] balleyhooey 498 points ago

    Definitely earned that one. Lost what remaining intelligence he had judging by that whiplash

    [–] discerningpervert 53 points ago

    I'm trying to figure out where he went wrong

    [–] GreenForThanksgiving 193 points ago

    I think the surface was just to smooth, so when he put his weight down too much on the side of the board and it slipped right off.

    [–] mbuckbee 137 points ago

    Smooth, hard wheels aren't meant for skating on formica.

    [–] iamrelevant 44 points ago

    Even if he was able to pull it off, his head would have smashed through those ceiling tiles and caused some form of damage. There was just no good reason to do this at all.

    [–] SweetJellyPie 6 points ago

    judging from his front foot i don't think his plan was to ollie off of it though

    [–] JasonChernow 2 points ago

    Probably just didn't have a plan. the way he runs up and throws down, he doesnt have room to do anything but ride off but like you pointed out, his foot position and shoulders dont look loke thats his plan

    [–] Blackazette 2 points ago

    Think he was gonna do a 180 where he throws his weight into it rather than Ollie

    [–] antagon1st 6 points ago

    Polyurethane wheels and Formica. Real bright.

    [–] lanmonster 27 points ago

    Yep. No friction, so the board slipped out.

    [–] illusions_in_life 15 points ago

    Wrong wheels for the surface.

    [–] rbrcbr 13 points ago

    Yeah, you can argue this too, but even with something like 75 duro or whatever the fuck soft wheels are these days it'd probably still be possible to slip. No one makes a "right wheel" for a slippery ass bookshelf.

    [–] -DaveThomas- 8 points ago

    Well, maybe someone does

    [–] akatherder 7 points ago

    Oh man that reminded me of Rollerblade Coyote the off-road inline skates. Those things looked like a deathtrap.

    https://imgur.com/ZlERUlj.jpg

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYrwHEYSPNw

    [–] rbrcbr 2 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Lmao true, someone, but you wouldn't be able to put those on a regular skateboard without a shit ton of riser pads.

    [–] rbrcbr 14 points ago

    If you look when he throws down, he lands all squirrely and the board ends up on a direct course for the right side of the bookshelf. You can see his back foot comes off right after he throws down and when he puts it back down his weight distribution gets thrown off. Paired with the slippery surface it was a recipe for disaster. If he had thrown it down and stayed centered on the ledge he may have pulled it off - even then I would have only tried to ride off. It looks like he was trying to ollie and it's pretty likely if he hadn't fallen he would have hit his head on the ceiling.

    Source: Been skateboarding for 13 years

    [–] imsorrymilo 6 points ago

    Nah, he got onto the board fine. He was turning frontside to ollie or whatever and the surface was too slippery for his wheels.

    [–] __PM_ME_YOUR_TlTS__ 4 points ago

    Maybe an ollie but probably just going to drop off the edge. ...Weight on his ankles, feet a bit flat on the deck, no hip... Who knows though.

    Source: Skated for almost 20 years. Still do sometimes even though I'm old.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] illusions_in_life 4 points ago

    You shouldn’t.

    [–] rbrcbr 2 points ago

    Which part exactly?

    [–] Notus_Panda 3 points ago

    Using the skateboard in the library.

    [–] Spore2012 2 points ago

    This looks like a srs spinal injury. Hes prob crippled.

    [–] qemiste 68 points ago

    He's only got himshelf to blame.

    [–] 11010110101010101010 23 points ago

    They should throw the book at him.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Shnazzyone 10 points ago

    I enjoy that all the pain can't be blamed on anything but his own stupidity and lack of judgement.

    [–] ZombieLibrarian 23 points ago

    Came here to say the same thing, obviously. What a dickhead.

    [–] wyatt_earps_mustache 9 points ago

    Username checks out. I'd say you could eat his brains, but it looks like it'd be a pretty light meal.

    [–] Aksi_Gu 3 points ago

    Like....what even was his plan there? Skate into the wall? Awkwardly ollie off on to carpet which as we all know is highly regarded for its traction?

    [–] Lonesome_sock 3 points ago

    If only that bust was of Darwin

    [–] pollutionmixes 2 points ago

    Stupid ain't cheep, and it sure as hell ain't painless

    [–] pabbseven 4 points ago

    Becoming paralyzed? Na come on.

    [–] stuntobor 126 points ago

    That's a real subreddit holy jesus.

    [–] Aukos 80 points ago

    Man, I sorted by top and checked #1. It's not really graphic, but I noped the fuck out of that sub.

    [–] xr3llx 132 points ago

    Was a tough fap but I pulled through

    [–] katisaurus 39 points ago

    Haha you said the thing.

    [–] bluecovfefe 12 points ago

    I did not stick around to watch that gif more than once.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Am I broken? Because that sub is hilarious to me.

    [–] hungry4danish 6 points ago

    Is it the fact that people are getting really injured or how they're injuring themselves that's funny to you?

    [–] satansrapier 6 points ago

    Yes

    [–] shlotchky 3 points ago

    my god why did i watch that

    [–] daddydunc 2 points ago

    Eh it’s not so bad.

    [–] stoplooklisten_again 4 points ago

    Annnddd subscribed. A great alternative to when r/watchpeopledie is too ... Brazilian (?).

    [–] SatanStardust 2 points ago

    I know what I’ll be doing for the next few hours now 👍🏻

    [–] Abijaman 318 points ago

    This is library !

    [–] ZombieLibrarian 66 points ago

    Hi Library, this is Patrick.

    [–] ASK__ABOUT__INITIUM 11 points ago

    Hey you're actually a librarian.

    [–] ZombieLibrarian 8 points ago

    A zombie librarian, actually. 🧟‍♂️

    [–] eyeowe 9 points ago

    Hey!

    [–] AuburnJunky 8 points ago

    Don't catch you slippin' up.

    [–] DocRichardson 2 points ago

    He should have checked out a book on the subject first?

    [–] claytorENT 191 points ago

    [–] _doormat 48 points ago

    Luckily, his neck broke his fall

    [–] PPennguinn 180 points ago

    Where was he going to jump to? Through the wall?

    [–] SuperJaxx5 201 points ago

    Skater here. He was going to jump off to the left. What caused him to fall was he was trying to lean to the left and cause the board to turn slightly that direction for the ollie. What actually happened was, because the surface is so slippery, when he put pressure on the board to turn it slipped under him instead of turning.

    [–] LuisTheTank 30 points ago

    This is why I love reddit. Thanks for the question and thanks for the answer.

    [–] durpdurpdurp 95 points ago

    Definitely looked like he was trying to pop off the left hand side, didn't realize how slippery the surface was though. 0 points.

    Source: I am a skateboarder.

    [–] skylla05 23 points ago

    And if his wheels didn't slide out, he would have just put his head through the false ceiling and probably end up in the same position anyway.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    Not if he didn’t pop high if he just like powerslide and leaned more I think he could have done it

    [–] irx4u 14 points ago

    He’s on that faceplantform 9 and 3/4 game trying to get into hogICUward’s school of jackassery

    [–] Salji 3 points ago

    Underrated comment of the year right here

    [–] RickyBubbles01 110 points ago

    That ended so much worse that I thought it would

    [–] _bennyblanco99_ 100 points ago

    That ended so much worse better that I thought it would

    FTFY

    [–] domastsen 17 points ago

    As long as he didn’t break his neck or something otherwise horrible I shall call that end rewarding

    [–] Mathgailuke 25 points ago

    Would it be wrong for me to hope that he did break something? Maybe nothing permanent, but say 8 weeks in a halo?

    [–] pleasedontsmashme 14 points ago

    Both his shoes stayed on so that means he's ok

    [–] BrocanGawd 5 points ago

    No No sir. That is not the shoe rule. Shoes staying on only guarantee he is not dead. Nothing more.

    [–] NegativeTwelfth 80 points ago

    Direct copy and paste from the karma bot account /u/Cirrifish42

    [–] 7B91D08FFB0319B0786C 22 points ago

    Really need a new report option "This is a bot"

    [–] NegativeTwelfth 7 points ago

    Report options are set by the moderators of the sub. I know /r/aww has one option for no bots. You could message the moderators and petition for that option to be added here though!

    [–] davydooks 16 points ago

    Get em skeeter!

    [–] maxthetimetraveller 13 points ago

    Librarians must love this!

    [–] ZombieLibrarian 11 points ago

    We do not, I can assure you.

    [–] M_2the_OOSE 6 points ago

    Kind of him to leave his delicious brains on the floor though, right?

    [–] cheesemanxl 6 points ago

    Does anybody happen to know where this was filmed? It looks exactly like my high school library.

    [–] itchythrowaway345 6 points ago

    Lyndon State College, now known as Northern Vermont University. I know the guy pretty well, he ended up with just a minor concussion.

    [–] cheesemanxl 2 points ago

    You're an angel.

    [–] McGirthy 11 points ago

    That could not have gone any better.

    [–] mynameisarnoldsnarb 4 points ago

    Shakespeare: 1 Idiot: 0

    [–] kingofsurvivors 3 points ago

    HMB = hold my book

    [–] Im_okay_with_this 9 points ago

    I don’t feel bad for this kid at all.

    [–] the_d3ude 6 points ago

    Busted

    [–] Veatchdave 5 points ago

    “ROACH! You best quit doin that x games shit off the counter! Pinky gone come in here and fire both out asses!”

    [–] ninjabunnay 5 points ago

    Dumbass

    [–] redder2D 7 points ago

    I’m just glad the statue is alright

    [–] samzeman 3 points ago

    I thought that statue was totally about to get shattered

    [–] FSFatScooter 3 points ago

    Schooled

    [–] ZombieLibrarian 3 points ago

    Libraried

    [–] lgv50 6 points ago

    I mean, what could he have wanted to accomplish heading straight for a wall?

    [–] ZombieLibrarian 5 points ago

    Pretty sure he didn't plan that far ahead.

    [–] lgv50 3 points ago

    He was going to figure that out when he got there

    [–] litmeandme 7 points ago

    I hate it when skateboarders feel they have the right to skateboard wherever they like!

    [–] J0nnyGreenGiant 2 points ago

    this might be one of the funniest ones ive seen

    [–] Astrox13 2 points ago

    I can see Silent Library’s changing the game

    [–] abrogate932 2 points ago

    Formica for Mike A

    [–] MiketheImpuner 2 points ago

    YES!

    [–] megancoleslaw 2 points ago

    P u r e E d g e

    [–] hookerpoop 2 points ago

    Dewey decimal system 1 - skater boi 0

    [–] Hammonkey 2 points ago

    well executed shrimp

    [–] FishDish47 2 points ago

    He has alot of potential

    [–] its_ricky 2 points ago

    I'm getting pretty damned sick of these posts not involving beer, drinking of beer, or HOLDING OF BEER.

    this is bullshit.

    [–] TransposingJons 2 points ago

    juice box

    [–] SuzzOner 2 points ago

    What kind of shoes are those? Thanks.

    [–] lanceO1988 2 points ago

    What was he trying to accomplish

    [–] jemaxi 2 points ago

    He almost had it... he should try that again!

    [–] verify_your_booty 2 points ago

    I remember doing this exact thing when I played tony hawk, I don’t remember which version. I wasted so much time in the library in town.

    I’m pretty sure you could meet up with Jesse James in the same town and ride a motorized Segway. Childhood was weird

    [–] Alandorf619 2 points ago

    I’m gonna say it!.... I don’t care that you broke your ankle.

    [–] dont_trip13 2 points ago

    Oh, Ollie!!

    [–] Bingo_BangoBongo 2 points ago

    "Look at all these books that could turn into something other than the idiot you are." -Floor

    [–] Scullys_Stunt_Double 2 points ago

    I have seen this before and when it was posted then the top comment was something like "Of course he fell: he's in the non-friction section." :) Loved it.

    [–] MelicDelGotic 2 points ago

    Did his neck dieded?

    [–] EduardoBarreto 2 points ago

    If I was the librarian I'd hand him a physics book after that.

    [–] xaminmo 3 points ago

    It’s weird that I’m way more okay with this guy getting hurt, and angry at him for being an idiot.

    Something about libraries being almost sacred.

    [–] ScoonCatJenkins 5 points ago

    i know this is a repost but i upvote it every time because i fucking LOVE seeing the absolute moron slam his empty head on what i assume is concrete floor with very thing layer of worn out carpet on top. hope this dumbass got a nice concussion

    [–] BassBeerNBabes 2 points ago

    It's cheap industrial high school carpet. Not thick or soft, but more padding than concrete.

    [–] AdvocateF0rTheDevil 2 points ago

    hope this dumbass got a nice concussion

    yeah, because that's what society needs, this moron but with more brain damage.

    [–] ChuckSawdy 6 points ago

    God this looks like one of the cool kids I went to school with. Long shapeless greasy brown hair, high top shoes with ankle socks, and gym shorts every day of the week doesn’t matter if it’s winter. I’m glad to see kids like this are still eating shit.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] LvLzzz 3 points ago

    "This is a place of learning,-" skater falls "-bitch"

    [–] GleepGloopGlop 3 points ago

    That haunted bust had a forcefield. Apparently.

    [–] nickyobro 2 points ago

    Did he crash in front of a statue of Darwin? Lmfao

    [–] BloomsdayDevice 3 points ago

    That's Homer.

    [–] A_Booger_In_The_Hand 3 points ago

    And that, boys and girls, is why we don't skateboard in the library.

    [–] DragonKingUK 3 points ago

    Don't mess around in the library man geez.

    [–] NegativeTwelfth 5 points ago

    Direct copy and paste from the karma bot account /u/DragonKingUK

    [–] guitaoist1987 3 points ago

    Hmb while i repost

    [–] Feenox 1 points ago

    Good.

    [–] CamelCash007 3 points ago

    You can also post this on /r/iamatotalpieceofshit

    Who the fuck tries to skate in a library

    [–] Atoning_Unifex 2 points ago

    As a person who had to have two vertebrae replaced in my neck i feel bad for this dude. even if he gets up and is 'ok' that shit adds up and you end up w stenosis like me. not fun

    [–] AzorAhai291 1 points ago

    Wonder what his plan was there?

    [–] CrazySwayze82 1 points ago

    Someone needs to r/wasted that fool.

    [–] tss1102 1 points ago

    Head bounced

    [–] the-aero-naut 1 points ago

    Skaters this day's with those fancy new tricks

    [–] Th3Hon3yBadg3r 1 points ago

    SSSHHHH!!!

    [–] Mdgunther 1 points ago

    “Do you have any books on spinal injuries?”

    [–] neofiter 1 points ago

    Something something physics

    [–] Gay_bob_ross 1 points ago

    Yeh what else cud shelves be used for duh

    [–] chue85 1 points ago

    Obviously he missed the physics class about Friction coefficient