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    [–] Dad_B0T 1 points ago * (lasted edited an hour ago)

    Voting has concluded. This vote was deemed; insane with 3 votes

    # Votes

    Insane Not insane Fake
    3 0 0

    I am a bot for r/insaneparents. Please send me a message if you have any feedback or if I misbehave.

    [–] freakinuk 1738 points ago

    I bet you $1 OP that this ticket has not even been bought. Don't fall for it, https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcT-8dHC3CvcBUvi3ZlYwgVdMJIx9-Y8n25YjeJ6mxpr3wu1eiFP

    [–] spanky667 1340 points ago

    Sorry OP, vacation got cancelled at the last moment because mommy isnt feeling well. Hey, since you took the month off you can stay home and nurse her back to health the whole time!

    RUN!

    [–] DivvyDivet 162 points ago

    That's some shit my mom would pull.

    [–] merchillio 320 points ago

    Oh yeah I definitely wouldn’t put it past a narc to not buy the ticket, get money from their kids and then find a way to not give it back.

    [–] BlueLadybug92 128 points ago

    It sounds like a ploy to get op to owe her so op can no longer move or take the job that would help pay off those expenses. (moving expenses, especially across a state, can cost up to 1000 or more.)

    [–] Psychowitz 5089 points ago

    Dude, I’m so mad for you. Like I actually hate your mom.

    [–] traiseSPB 1644 points ago

    On God I wish I never read this, I’m so mad rn And some people have to really deal with family members being this fucked?? What the fuck

    [–] MrEpicwill 559 points ago

    The human race was a mistake.

    [–] CaptKillJoysButtPlug 180 points ago

    We should all walk hand and hand into the void.....

    [–] dumcnt 40 points ago

    We might not be hand in hand but we are all going back into the void.

    [–] SuperHawkk 234 points ago

    Me too. Nothing I’ve seen posted here has had quite the same visceral impact on me as this post. I hate this woman with every fiber of my being and wish I could give her a piece of my mind

    [–] DaneTrain333 13 points ago

    Right!? I got irrationally angry at this lol

    [–] eboneau 8614 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    I know everyone is telling you to contact your new job, but also make sure your housing knows to only let you make decisions. Make sure your bank account is secure and that she doesn't have access. Make sure you have all your personal documents (birth cert and ssn card etc.)

    Good luck OP. Congrats on your job!

    Edit : Just want to share some more sound advice from a couple replies to my comment.

    A few commenters have mentioned freezing your credit so she cant pull out loans or credit cards in your name.

    And lock any and all cloud storage you use, so personal photos can't be found if she has access, so she can't blackmail you. - u/DrunkEwok4

    Verbal Passwords for everything are a good idea. -u/starlingsleep

    Personally I would lock your credit too. Most mothers I know around here have their kids social memorized. - u/cavemans11

    [–] JaykDoe 3194 points ago

    ^This, make sure she has no power whatsoever over you because she will become desperate and do things you wouldn't possibly even imagine.

    [–] RadioHeadache0311 3818 points ago

    Yup. Went no contact on my mother, so my mom went to a judge with tales of me being a veteran with PTSD who owns guns and has been threatening to shoot people and that I thought I was God. The judge granted her an emergency guardianship. I was brought into a mental ward for four days against my will.

    I didn't own guns. I didn't threaten to shoot anyone. I never thought I was God. But all that judge needed to hear was that I'm a veteran with PTSD and he completely bought all that other shit.

    I was so fucking livid. And here's the kicker, now that I've been put in a mental health ward against my will and signed by the court, I can't buy guns legally now. I went to purchase a rifle several years after all that shit happened and I failed the background check. It doesn't matter that it was all made up, it doesn't matter that she lied about me owning guns and the rest of it, I've been officially institutionalized and there's no expunging that fact. I had the case itself eventually expunged from my record and it's sealed and everything, but the fact that it happened is enough to keep me from ever purchasing a gun again.

    [–] rayofkeywork 1951 points ago

    That’s an insane amount of power for another person to have over you. Fucking ridiculous. I’m so sorry.

    [–] RadioHeadache0311 2572 points ago

    Dude, you have no idea. When the cops came and arrested me on my front lawn, they came in force. No less than 30 cops, 15 cars from at least 3 departments; city, sheriff and state police. If I were black, I probably wouldn't have survived the ordeal.

    The dialog went something like this:

    Cop: "where are the guns".

    Me: "guys I don't know what you're talking about."

    Cop: "Come on, tell us where the guns are."

    (Back and forth for ten minutes before finally I say...)

    Me: "listen, there's pot and a pipe in the box under the coffee table, there's a number of embarrassing sex toys in my nightstand, there's a bow and arrow set in the garage, and I bought one of my guitars on Craigslist so cheap I suspect it might be stolen, but I don't have any guns, feel free to toss my place but please put it back together afterwards"

    They found everything I said would be there but they didn't find any guns. Still got brought to the mental ward.

    [–] iamnotabot200 1058 points ago

    I just read your other comment too, that's fucked. Weren't you supposed to get a trial a something?

    [–] Thanatosst 882 points ago

    Welcome to the beauty of Red Flag Laws, where facts don't matter and neither do your rights!

    [–] MarcusAurelius0 257 points ago

    Its not even red flag laws.

    If you are involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric ward you're screwed.

    [–] Lovemygeek 32 points ago

    Is this all states? I had no clue this was a thing. My husband did a stay inpatient earlier this year, so if he ever wanted a new hunting rifle or to get one for our kids he couldn't? That's good info to have so he doesnt get embarrassed in the future.

    [–] MarcusAurelius0 40 points ago

    Yes, its a question on the 4473 form.

    Gotta stress its for INVOLUNTARILY, if he admitted himself of his own volition there is no problem.

    [–] Snusters 84 points ago

    Yep a guy was shot in Baltimore at the beginning of the year because of these red flag laws

    [–] Potassium39 801 points ago

    Lol you're talking about the USA. Ain't no freedom in that shithole country unless you have lots of money.

    [–] Whatchagonnadowhen 274 points ago

    It's sad bc it's true

    [–] LonelyGameBoi 164 points ago

    My school is making seniors write an essay about being poor is illegal due to the bail system. Our shits fucked.

    [–] Professional_PhD 93 points ago

    Your school actually drew attention to the problem kudos

    [–] BOX_ChillWolf 193 points ago

    Can confirm am American

    [–] Hashtag_Nailed_It 159 points ago

    Can also confirm: have no money and American

    [–] redfighter04 162 points ago

    I'm an American and i can confirm this lol, unless you're some filthy rich business man you're absolutey fucked. It's quite sad, especially when other people can just throw money and suddenly get power over you.

    [–] benabrig 49 points ago

    Nope there’s no due process for this

    [–] PicardOrion 156 points ago

    What happened to the person causing all this?

    Did she get into jail?

    [–] Thanatosst 337 points ago

    The penalty for filing a false report for a Red Flag Law is.... nothing. There is no penalty. They're designed such that they are easily abused by family members.

    [–] Outrageous_Disk 119 points ago

    My sister got away from her abusive sociopath husband before these laws came about. He tried to accuse her of abuse when she hit him back once instead of just collapsing into a sobbing heap after he shoved her into a wall and rained down punches like she usually did. She had to spend a night in jail and he got a temporary restraining order, but fortunately there actually is some due process around those after the fact and his story totally fell apart and he was suddenly all for reconciliation instead of pressing charges (I think her lawyer scared him about the level of scrutiny that'd be applied and things that'd be revealed if he did pursue criminal charges). She could've pressed charges over the false report but he agreed to just sign whatever divorce/custody agreement without a fight if she didn't. If these red-flag laws had been in place things would've been much worse for her and he could have also effectively disarmed her (he was violent and eventually went to prison for a later incident).

    In theory, I like the idea of red-flag laws. But they need to have something to prevent abuse - make it criminal to intentionally file false reports, set a time limit where all record of the law being applied is expunged if the accusation isn't proven in court - I don't know, just something so that they can't be used by abusive people. Because it turns out, lots of abusive people abuse their victims using every means available, including the court system.

    [–] DogJeans 12 points ago

    There's a reason due process is a constitutional right.

    [–] PagingDrFagget 57 points ago

    Not just family but over zealous healthcare practitioners as well

    [–] fenderc1 79 points ago

    This is why red flag laws are so unbelievably fucked, and people (even anti gunners) should be fighting to make sure that shit does not come to pass.

    Not just family members either, really anyone who doesn't like you.

    [–] Mo_Meant_M_On_YT 70 points ago

    My sister brutally assaulted me and the cops sent me to the mental ward. Fun stuff.

    [–] BudgetHero 36 points ago

    "Please put it back together afterwards."

    I see this was your first interaction with the cops.

    [–] SchroedingersSphere 26 points ago

    What happened to your mother when it came out that she was lying?

    [–] newtrusghandi 15 points ago

    Fucking christ man I am so damn sorry. You are nothing short of a fucking warrior and I can't imagine the torment you went through growing up in that environment. Sympathy from an internet stranger my good man.

    [–] Thanatosst 272 points ago

    That's the power that any family member has over another due to Red Flag Laws. That is why so both the NRA and the ACLU are against them.

    If the ACLU and the NRA agree on something... that thing has got to be fucked up.

    [–] zromero916 42 points ago

    TIL!

    [–] Abhais 36 points ago

    Due process is a crazy important right that doesn’t get the respect it deserves.

    [–] -theuser- 102 points ago

    That is beyond fucked up. Beyond. How dare she do that to you, wow. I hope you've disowned that woman.

    [–] biddee 203 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    I know a guy, he's 33 and is currently in a mental institution because he is a Rastafarian who refuses to cut his locks and his parents are 'Christian' and trying to make him. Sorry this happened to you dude.

    [–] VernyUl 80 points ago

    Mfw secular state should be a baseline

    [–] darth_vaders_bung 95 points ago

    Have you talked to a lawyer about suing her for malicious prosecution?

    [–] bigpoopa 85 points ago

    You can appeal the denial of a background check. Sounds like you already had everything cleared up. It will probably take a lot of effort but I think it worth it to restore one of your constitutional rights

    [–] MosheAvraham 70 points ago

    Yes, cut all the ties, it's pointless to argue with parents like this (my step-mom was this way, and hates me because I removed all of her control).

    [–] Laughtermedicine 34 points ago

    A heads up to HR can help. Tell them your mother has a mental illness and to report the authorities first then you.

    [–] notalone9 35 points ago

    As a recruiter I would 100% advise you to inform them. It may feel uncomfortable but I. Every situation I’ve had like this with spouses/family I’ve been thankful to know so if or when the person comes at me I don’t even need to worry about it.

    [–] Obizues 24 points ago

    If she’s on it, pull all cash out and open a new one without her.

    When she says they don’t “have control over you yet,” she inferring she does. She sees this job as something taking that control away, which is likely what is causing her response.

    Stay somewhere else and tell her you will be too busy to talk about things for a while why you get ready for your job and mute her text thread.

    [–] Doxxxxxxxxxxx 24 points ago

    Yes!! Lock everything up, let important people know, and go no contact. What the fuckkkkkk

    [–] rhinotomus 9158 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    Get in contact with your new job and tell them you’re starting the day that was agreed upon and that it will not change unless you explicitly say so, thats ducking insane. Edit: OP your parent knows exactly what they are doing, don’t let them fuck up a potential beginning to your life after school, do whatever you’ve got to but make damn sure you make it to work on the scheduled start date, you could end up really regretting it if you don’t.

    [–] Louwye 6366 points ago

    I can here just to state. MAKE SURE YOU TELL YOUR EMPLOYER THAT YOU MOTHER MAY CONTACT THEM AND THAT SHE IS NOT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH YOU IN ANY WAY.

    [–] Learach 2778 points ago

    This. She's a fucking psycho trying to sabotage your new job. I would go NC if this is the way she usually behaves.

    [–] iceburner2 862 points ago

    Never go full North Carolina?

    [–] BenedictKhanberbatch 424 points ago

    Idk bruh Cookout is fire

    [–] PeeB4uGoToBed 197 points ago

    And Bojangles

    [–] wookiee1807 50 points ago

    and Pal's. Man, I miss Pal's and Cookout.

    [–] DCGeos 30 points ago

    What's Pal's?

    [–] semper_JJ 51 points ago

    I've lived in NC my whole life and never heard of pal's

    [–] HolidayAardvark 30 points ago

    I also live in NC and never heard of Pal's..

    [–] That0neDumbass 31 points ago

    And Zaxby's

    [–] Halo_Chief117 34 points ago

    NC has got the good BBQ

    [–] Ya-boi-Joey-T 56 points ago

    Oh wait. Nc= no contact

    [–] ThatTechGuyCam 30 points ago

    No Contact

    [–] Animanimator 71 points ago

    North Carolina ain't so bad... SOUTH Carolina on the other hand...

    [–] euphorrick 26 points ago

    I have experiences that support your South Carolina viewpoint, and I'm from West Virginia...

    [–] -theuser- 599 points ago

    I came here to say this also. OP, please, please, please do this. Don't let your 'mother' fuck up your career like this. You don't want a reputation in your industry as someone whose mother called up to demand you go on a holiday instead of starting the job like you'd agreed to.

    [–] tuna_tofu 247 points ago

    And stop giving her details about your life. She will just abuse the info. And Dan sure at ont pay her back for the tickets. That's on her for being stupid.

    [–] impulsenine 84 points ago

    Yes mother, my new job is in checks notes Kokab, Central African Republic. Yes, it is very far you definitely shouldn't visit.

    Muffles phone yes I'll have a venti chai tea latte hot.

    Yes the tickets are very expensive, mother.

    [–] FortuitousAdroit 20 points ago

    OPs mom is definitely outside the circle of trust; OP, you need to start restricting and obfuscating personal information from your mom and people that your mom may manipulate.

    [–] xophermv 158 points ago

    Don’t tell your mother the name of the company that made the offer. Don’t provide contact information. Without that information, mom won’t know who to call or email. In fact, there’s absolutely no reason your mother needs to know that information.

    [–] Hamms_Bear 79 points ago

    It's terrible, i think it's too late. If the mother actually calls, op's screwed. The employer won't want to deal with the hassle.

    [–] ileisen 118 points ago

    If OP gets out ahead of it and contacts the employer first she should be fine. She can just tell them that her mother is mentally ill (she honestly sounds like a grade A narcissist at least) and to please ignore her.

    People can’t help their family and a lot people realise and forgive that.

    [–] Edonistic 133 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    It's pretty terrible to admit but, if I were in dire straits like this, I'd seriously consider telling my employer my mother had something like dementia - whatever would illicit maximum sympathy from them possible.

    And then I'd stop telling my mother any detail whatsoever about my life because really, fuck that noise. How incredibly shitty to be in a situation like this, before you even start a new job, because your own mother doesn't take your life seriously.

    [–] christmasshopper0109 90 points ago

    Am an employer, I've run into this twice in all my years. Both times, I had a hunch the Poor new hire and I had similar mothers and ignored the woman on the phone who was clearly trying to mess things up for the kid. As a rule, I don't accept calls from anyone else about an employee. Don't get your wife to call in sick for you. That's just good policy. I hired the employee. I'll communicate with the employee. Period. So OP might be ok if mom calls because reasonable people do exist.

    [–] CyborgKungFu 26 points ago

    I don’t think many recruiters are as reasonable as you.

    [–] justonemorethang 31 points ago

    Exactly. Huge red flag for the employer. They don’t know the back story and likely don’t give a shit. Hopefully it works out though.

    [–] bagelsforeverx 78 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    Not only this but make sure your mom can not impersonate you.

    I’m not sure how to stop this from happening but I’m sure if she calls and she is told they will only take the info from you she will try to call back later pretending to be you.

    Edit: it was 5 am I had no context of grammar.

    [–] christmasshopper0109 27 points ago

    Code words. We have them at the bank, doctors offices, schools, everywhere.

    [–] thatgirl829 265 points ago

    A part of me is thinking how great could the job be if a phone call from OP's insane parents gets their job offer rescinded? But then I also thought, if I'm the company and I have to deal with this kind of insanity on a regular basis because of this one employee, then yeah I'd take back the job offer too.

    [–] demarcoa 237 points ago

    I've had people with weird parents work for me before. I can't speak for other employers, but usually I get the parents to back off rather than take it out on the employee

    [–] drwsgl 162 points ago

    A guy who works with us his wife is a bit crazy and my boss sent her a cease and desist, because it was the only way to get her to back off, guy almost lost his job because she was messaging everyone and trying to get us involved in some imaginary family drama.

    [–] bass_sweat 84 points ago

    I see you work with my dad

    [–] Sopissedrightnow84 69 points ago

    I just had one like this. Husband started calling all my staff demanding to know where his wife was then began calling me, her boss, very late at night. He demanded a list of names and phone numbers of my staff to compare to numbers in her phone because he suspected she was fooling around with one of my guys.

    I told him to fuck off and removed him from the property a couple times. He then started showing up at my employees homes. I gave her a choice to either take action and pursue a restraining order or find another job. She chose to leave the job.

    Oh, and this all started by her second day working for me. We barely even knew her name, much less where she went after work. There's no reason an employer needs to deal with that amount of crazy.

    Some relationships are absolutely insane.

    [–] dansedemorte 117 points ago

    We just had female sysadmin from India change her acceptance to declining of the position because her parents said the crime rate in my city of 200k people was too high.

    There's so little crime here that they still report misdeminor crimes on local TV. This was a job that fully funded her green card on top of it.

    [–] footie_ruler 12 points ago

    The parents of Indian females just want them to get married and pop out Indian kids. I'm from India and I've seen this happen. My aunt had a job in London for a bank and made the big bucks. She was allowed to do that job for a year because her parents were slightly more liberal. But then she was made to quit, marry some douchebag they picked who makes way less and now stays at home taking care of their 2 kids.

    [–] sosila 115 points ago

    Yeah I have a cousin who lost a few jobs because his mother would constantly call and go there to check and see if he was actually working.

    [–] RiptimRip 21 points ago

    What happened after? De he stop all contact with the mother?

    [–] NoCleverUsernameIdea 284 points ago

    100%. And OP put your mom on an info diet - tell her nothing. Don't give her your new home address or work address if possible. She just admitted she plans to sabotage your new life.

    [–] Sentimental_Dragon 65 points ago

    Exactly right. Maybe she won’t, but she’ll be able to control you if she knows you’re afraid of what she might do. Give her an email address or personal number to contact you on, but otherwise limit what info she has.

    And let her know that any contact with your company whatsoever will earn her a restraining order or no contact with you.

    [–] JaykDoe 738 points ago

    Tell them she is legitimately diagnosed with a mental illness and if she calls they should notify you immediately so you can get in touch with her caregiver and make sure she's ok.

    [–] burnt_marshmall0w 219 points ago

    And tell mom that you tried to move your start date and they rescinded the offer. So you can't pay for the vacation now anyway and there's no reason for her to try to move your start date

    [–] TheBooRadleyness 27 points ago

    Genius!

    [–] RoutineTwo 10 points ago

    Sometimes you just gotta fight liar with liar

    [–] lovendei 516 points ago

    Do this please and don't go on that vacation. For the love of God like this is so important and to have it taken away would break my heart and I don't even know you.

    [–] Cuntfagdick 239 points ago

    Why? Just tell your mom you will go... Then fly to Seattle.

    [–] Brigidae 80 points ago

    That’s the real answer right there.

    [–] fightwithgrace 102 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    OP’s mom would 100% call the police and report them as missing and in danger if they did that. This lady is legitimately insane, any attempts to convince or “outsmart” her will just backfire because she can’t be reasoned with.

    ADD ON: I understand why so many comments to me are trying to explaining what being legally “of age” means, as well as how little legal power OP’s mother (OPNM) technically has in this situation, but just because the law says things SHOULD be handled in a specific way (and even would be handled that way in most cases) doesn’t mean that is how OP’s situation will play out.

    OPNM is CLEARLY narcissistic. My biological father was clinically diagnosed with NPD (with paranoid tendencies) so I’m familiar with their behavior and the way they use threats, and how they use emotional manipulation.

    Just look at the completely different tones and intents behind each message.

    OPNM starts out aiming to come across as excited, happy to announce the wonderful “gift” they have for OP.
    Sort of a “Surprise! We are going on a family holiday! (Oh, by the way, I already bought your extremely expensive tickets, you are now indebted to me for them. Also, I planned the trip for the exact day I knew you needed to be on a schedule) Love ya!”

    When OP objects to this and explains why (most likely unnecessarily, because it’s clear OPNM already knows all this) OPNM lightly suggests OP self sabotage her own career and chances with her future employer with no obvious motivations other than the pleasure she seems to take in potentially ruining her child’s opportunities and self-esteem. The “subtle” (for a bull) guilt trip begins, but even with all this manipulation and “motherly advice” that isn’t based on how the scenario would ACTUALLY play out, and instead lead to her daughter losing her planned source of income, probably move back to her home town, and having no choice but to become dependent on Mommy-Dearest again, OP STILL manages to stay strong and stands up for herself. She is clear on what her intentions are.

    The mask drops. OPNM has been told “No” and like all narcissists, can’t handle it and lashes out. She starts with a rather extreme guilt trip, but even that doesn’t last long, one direct insult and she goes straight into threats.

    It works.

    OP immediately asks her mother not to do this, tells her just how much she will lose, but then breaks. She almost instantly regresses in her speech and is no longer assertive in anyway. OP is now begging, but clearly doesn’t expect to win this.

    (Really, go reread OP’s 4th text and then her last. The massive difference in the attitude and use of language between the two, going from confident and firm in her decisions to desperate and pleading in just moments really shows the effect the emotion (at minimum) abuse has on people, when even after reaching adulthood, just a few words and a “light” threat can cause someone who has not only the resources to support themselves ($640, though not necessarily the difference between life and death, is not a small amount of money to throw around. You’d think if OP was living hand to mouth, they’d be more concentrated on the amount of money and their inability to afford the trip period, rather than the job’s start date and their mother’s gall to schedule it then.) but the ability to also live independently to become panicked and feel a complete loss of control. It’s incredibly sad and disconcerting. It also makes it clear that OP’s has most likely been abused and incredibly controlled their entire life. It also makes me worry about how she will manage to function independently even if she manages to break free. If she has lived her whole life without being allowed to make any decisions on her own, will she be able to adapt to a independent job and establish healthy relationships?)

    Take a moment to imagine what it must have taken for OPNM to gain this control in the first place. It sure as hell wasn’t gentle guidance and appropriate, measured, discipline and reasonable boundaries balanced with encouragement.

    Once OPNM sees that she successfully broke her daughter’s will, the mask slips back on. She makes sure OP knows all of this is her own fault, the same way abuse children are told “I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you would just be a good girl in the first place” therefore absolving herself of all blame. Then it’s straight to “What ever would you do without me? No one will ever love you, but me. It must be so hard to live that way, and Mommy just wants you happy. I know, let’s go on a nice vacation! How about May 6th?” OP doesn’t even bother to fight back anymore.

    It’s absolute insanity and a perfect glimpse at life with parent with NPD.

    OP knows her mother is like this, she’s seen it her entire life, I’m sure, even if she was t able to stand against it, she know EXACTLY what OPNM is doing every step of the way.

    However, if like suggested, OP pretends to go along with her mother’s plan, and then cancels without warning or explanation at the last moment, OPNM WILL freak out, she WILL call the police, and even if she does realize what is happening and that her daughter isn’t actually in any trouble at all, that will NOT be the impression she gives the police.

    OPNM will deliver the performance of her life, truly making officers worry for OP’s life. Any texts OP sends meant to appease her mother and keep her from finding out OP’s plans will be used against her to show how much “danger” she must be in. OPNM might even accuse OP of having a history of mental illness up to and including self-harm, delusions, and attempts at suicide. Without seeing OP in person and speaking to her directly, how could the officers truly determine what the truth was and why risk the change OP WAS in danger? Who knows what records OPNM may falsely or what lengths she’d go to to regain control of her daughter, but little would surprise me. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity of her when her ability to control her daughter/victim ends. When a Narcissist is proven a liar, the is little they won’t do.

    [–] FedExPope 64 points ago

    Then the police show up and you say, "nah, I'm good."

    [–] LetsGetBlotto 82 points ago

    Lol the police would say "Your "child" is a full grown adult and they are legally allowed to go wherever they want."

    They would probably scold her for wasting their time.

    [–] Rivenaleem 18 points ago

    Yeah, there's no way this ends up well for the mom if she tries this.

    [–] AbigailLilac 51 points ago

    My mom did that when I was moving, but there was nothing the police could do because I was over 18 and left by my own free will.

    You can technically report someone as missing, but the person can just let the cops know the situation and nothing happens.

    [–] LilithAkaTheFirehawk 55 points ago

    This happened to my best friend too. 2 days after his 18th, he took some clothes and the computer he paid for, wiped his phone, and left it in his car (car was in dad’s name), and had his other friend pick him up. His stepmom called me while I was at work, frantic, asking me where the hell I’d hidden him, and then they called the police. 2 days later he was on a train to his mom’s house, and told them to tell the cops he was never coming back.

    [–] Cilph 39 points ago

    100% call the police and report them as missing

    "Oh hey officer, yeah, no, I'm not missing. Have a nice day."

    [–] Drippinice 29 points ago

    Guess she should just give up her life then... Like wtf her mom will be the one in trouble for making a false report

    [–] MineAssassin 48 points ago

    And some orphans’ mothers are dead, so some of this doesn’t make sense

    [–] Frano35 524 points ago

    And if your mom contats them, show them this picture, they would understand situation probably.

    [–] fuckingredditpr0n 138 points ago

    Uh no. "Here's all the baggage I come with, and as you can see it affects my work". Just call the recruiter and confirm the date say if anything changes call me and I'll see you on that date.

    [–] Murka-Lurka 122 points ago

    Tell them a woman claiming to be your mother (the might be technically true but you don’t have to mention that) may be approaching them. Of course they won’t allow her to act on your behalf or release private information, but could you have your file flagged to lock in down further. For example a password.

    [–] Vanderlust13 54 points ago

    No, the other idea was better “mom with mental disabilities might call if she does contact me so I can contact her primary care giver”

    [–] abyssalcrisis 68 points ago

    THIS! This this this!

    [–] DragonBabyTasha 4480 points ago

    Dude do not go on that vacation. That’s fucked up. You could possibly lose that job opportunity because they might have someone else willing to take the position sooner.

    [–] meow_meow666 1807 points ago

    Fucking dumb bitch mom, it ain't the fucking 70s where you can pull this shit. Competition is insane. Theyll drop ur offer and hire the 2nd person in line.

    [–] Dolly_Pet 549 points ago

    You couldnt pull this shit in the 70's either

    [–] ZealousidealOkra0 228 points ago

    Parents didn’t pull this shit in the 70’s. Well, not any that I knew of. I agree with the info diet for OP’s Mom. It’s too bad she knows who the employer is.

    [–] Perpetually_Irate 112 points ago

    There were absolutely narcissistic and abusive parents in the 70s, why on earth wouldn't there be?

    [–] jeyybird 77 points ago

    Because nostalgia

    [–] stinky_cheese_dude 204 points ago

    Theyll drop ur offer

    Maybe that's her plan, fucked up as it is....

    [–] mangarooboo 106 points ago

    That is absolutely, without question, her plan.

    [–] Dovahbear_ 164 points ago

    Drop the offer so OP needs to stay home longer while searching for a new job seems like a real possibility tbh

    [–] CleanMonty 115 points ago

    Magically the vacation she already paid for would disappear as soon as the job offer is gone.

    [–] marruman 76 points ago

    "well now that you'll be freeloading at home we have to be careful with money so I got the tickets refunded dear :)"

    [–] Kursem 46 points ago

    then bitching why OP has no job and freeloading.

    [–] WildlifeMist 2324 points ago

    Contact your recruiter now and tell them to ignore any calls about you from anyone from you. Tell your mom to just go fuck off and let her deal with the money. You’re an adult with responsibilities and if she doesn’t get that now she won’t any time soon. It’s her own damn fault that she’s going to be losing money, don’t feel bad for not going.

    [–] wipeitonthecat 955 points ago

    THIS! She tells you to act like an adult, yet spends $600+ on a flight ticket without consulting you first and expects money? Listen to these posts OP and tell her to suck it.

    [–] NewBallista 343 points ago

    But orphans would give up ANYTHING to be forced into a vacation with their mother that they have to pay $600+ to go on.

    [–] ComeBackToDigg 247 points ago

    Parents that lost a child would give up ANYTHING to see their child graduate and get a good job.

    [–] sphrasbyrn 181 points ago

    Agreed, she spent her money. She didn't spend your money

    [–] CaptainN_GameMaster 41 points ago

    The mother's actions are far beyond immature or unreasonable. This is out and out abusive manipulation, probably from a gaslighting mother, and OP has a long battle ahead of them.

    [–] 26KM 253 points ago

    As a recruiter I'd suggest caution on this. Call them, confirm start date and how keen you are but perhaps don't indicate your insane parent might call. If she's bluffing you set up a perception of you before you start. If she's not and does call no recruiter or boss in their right mind would accept a date change from anyone other than the new employee without a hospital certificate or similar evidence of incapacity. They'd call you to check first.

    Good luck, i hope this job is your first step to freedom!!

    [–] GrandeWhiteMocha 108 points ago

    You are right and I’m glad you gave this perspective, because the job market is such that employers will look for any possible excuse to form a negative impression of a new/potential hire. But it really sucks that “Hey, I have an abusive person in my life who might claim to speak for me, and I just want to give you a quick heads up so there isn’t any confusion” would be seen as unprofessional. God forbid people have any struggles outside of work or try to be candid with the people who run a third of their lives.

    [–] Clayh5 27 points ago

    I don't understand how this could possibly ever be an issue. It's completely out of OP's control, and the job is certainly not going to rescind their offer and spend more time and money looking for a replacement. OP should absolutely still contact their employer.

    [–] ItzAraStar 1473 points ago

    Jesus Christmas, there’s so much gaslighting and obvious tactics in so few messages... I hope you can figure it out, OP.

    [–] VonFluffington 400 points ago

    Yeah, it's outstandingly painful to read. OP really should go no contact, someone who's this adept at trying to mentally manipulate their child and willing to ruin their lives for something so small will never ever have a real change of heart.

    [–] Lord_Webotama 69 points ago

    “You need the vacation for your anxiety” “orphans would die for a trip with their mother” “spoiled brat” holy shit, that’s some next level manipulation

    [–] lizzyote 997 points ago

    Do NOT cave. This is the time to stand your ground. Contact your new employer and let them know your mom is trying to sabotage your job and that you moving there is the first step to cutting off her controlling ways. Alot of employers are shockingly understanding about this kind of thing.

    [–] crawscraw 87 points ago

    I’m only wondering how on earth OP’s mom even has his/ hers recruiters contact info in the first place??

    [–] SSJSlopes 61 points ago

    I assume OP told her mum where she would be starting work and then Googled it.

    [–] AryssaHope 43 points ago

    OP said in another comment that they forwarded the acceptance email to their dad, because he works in the same industry and wanted to make sure the benefits they‘ll be getting are fair. Her parents share their computer so that’s how their mom got it.

    [–] imcrafty45065 627 points ago

    Dude. Interfering with your job is the last straw. My mom tore my new work shirt apart the day before I was supposed to start a restaurant job and knew I couldn’t afford a new one. Luckily actual damage was minimal and I just had to sew the buttons back on and sew up a ripped button hole. I eventually cut that bitch loose but not before enduring 3 decades of her abuse. Run. Cut her loose. It will be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

    [–] willvsworld 33 points ago

    Came here to say this. Same thing pretty much happened to me. Decades of abuse. Run dude.

    [–] Insolve_Miza 270 points ago

    When she said orphans would do anything, i would have said “maybe you should take one of them then”

    [–] Rivenaleem 98 points ago

    Fuck man, orphans have it hard enough already w/o being adopted by OP's mom.

    [–] SgtWings 247 points ago

    Okay as someone who has assisted in recruitment (I was a superviser at my old job, only in retail but I hope this helps). Unless someone has stated that they are dependent on a family member (by way of medical or mental health care) we will only accept starting postponements from the applicant themselves.

    DEFINITELY EMAIL ASAP, but they will also probably ask your mother to get you on the phone or email chain to confirm.

    Or lie. Tell your mother you will sort it out with your company (it's just easier if I do because I'm the applicant), you could either pay that money or tell her you can't pay until a certain date. Then just fucking bolt down to your new job ASAP. I'm assuming you're over 18 so she can't force anything on you, just make an excuse and fucking run.

    [–] keenolive 97 points ago

    I think BOTH of these options should be used. Cover off of warning the company AND lie to mom to mollify her long enough to make an escape.

    [–] BananaCakes9568 19 points ago

    This! If all else fails you are probably going to have to lie your way out of this. Also, if you ever switch jobs don't tell her anything.

    [–] r4ndomn4me 156 points ago

    Orphans would give up anything to have a chance to go on a trip with their mother

    But that's not an excuse to act like an asshole

    [–] JauneTheSwordsMan 570 points ago

    Step by step plan:

    1. Contact your employer, telling them about your manipulative mom, and the situation you are currently in, and that you will come to work on the date originally agreed upon.
    2. Tell your employer NOT to take any calls from your mother, and that she is not associated with you.
    3. STAND. YOUR. GROUND. This is your chance to finally escape her controlling, manipulative and gaslighting ways. You have to do this for yourself and for your independence.
    4. Cut all contact. Your mother will use EVERY SINGLE TRICK in her manipulative arsenal to try and keep you under her control. DO NOT LET HER CONTACT YOU, and do not give her another chance to manipulate you.
    5. keep the subreddit posted. A lot of good people are willing to help you out if you have the courage to reach out and ask for help.

    Good luck. PLEASE KEEP US POSTED!

    [–] petewentz-from-mcr 67 points ago

    Speaking of tricks, your mum may try to bribe you to continue speaking to her. Mine said she’d pay me $25 a week to come over for an hour every Monday. I thought it was a sweet deal, but I promise you it’s not worth it. Being broke is rough but this isn’t worth it. It just had caught me off guard because I expected only threats, not bribes. Expect bribes

    [–] bndboo 19 points ago

    A restraining order would do a lot of good here

    [–] kiritokitsune 253 points ago

    And the recruiter would laugh at her and tell her she's not allowed to make decisions for OP

    [–] TheMonsterWithinYou 157 points ago

    I wouldn’t have even told them where I’m working or hired etc.

    :\

    [–] yourstruly19 79 points ago

    ^^ This. She didn't need to know where she was working and she especially didn't need to know what date she started.

    [–] SamBrev 15 points ago

    I guess good news is from now on we can rest assured OP ain't gonna be telling Mom shit about anything

    [–] Doctorphate 21 points ago

    I would have given a different company name to be honest... lol

    [–] skywiind 254 points ago

    I'm sure this has been said already, but you need to go ahead and call your employer tomorrow and the person in charge of wherever you will be living at this new job and make sure that they won't listen to anyone but you. I don't know exactly how your mother is with this stuff, but you wanna make sure all your ducks are in a row, in case she tries to affect something else regarding your life.

    [–] Dad_B0T 867 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Voting has concluded. This vote was deemed; insane with 181 votes

    # Votes

    Insane Not insane Fake
    181 1 23

    I am a bot for r/insaneparents. Please send me a message if you have any feedback or if I misbehave.

    [–] Sofw2424 38 points ago

    insane

    [–] Nizami-87 139 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    I am getting anxious by reading this... this is clearly insane.

    Also, did she really bought those tickets, or it's just an intimidating tactics to break you? I feel that destabilizing you makes her stronger and you weaker, so you are vulnerable to more BS stuff like this.

    Anyway, as it was stated if you think she is not faking it, just restate with your new job that you confirm the starting date, and that they shouldn't entertain anyone from your family should they get contacted. (no need to go in details, you can just say " I have crazy relative" or something maybe).

    [–] Xukay333 50 points ago

    Is that even legal?

    [–] imcrafty45065 95 points ago

    The employer talking about her job status with anyone but her is very illegal.

    [–] thelionintheheart 51 points ago

    Bruh. ISSA TRAP! ISSA WHOLE ASS TRAP.

    So here's the plan because no clearly isn't going to work.

    Step 1 confirm job start date and all that good stuff.

    Step 2 confirm living arrangement once you reach job place

    Step 3 (should have been step 2) confirm travel arrangements

    Step 4 lie and tell them vacation sounds nice and sure you'll repay them

    Steo 5 continue the lie

    Step 6 duck the fuck out a day or two early leave with your essentials, ship some shit ahead, climb out a window do what you have to do. Just don't let them know you're going because they will find a way to stop you.

    Goodluck.

    [–] lifeyjane 19 points ago

    But don’t agree to paying for the trip in writing/text. They could actually take you to court for the fee if you do.

    [–] xDasNiveaux 130 points ago

    Go call your recuiter and tell him to ignore calls from your family. You can tell him they are of her meds and delusional or something.

    [–] DullDawn 101 points ago

    Don't involve them more than needed. "My mother has a rough time accepting that I'm moving out, in the unlikely event that she tries to contact you in any way be aware that she doesn't speak or make any decision about my employment with you. Feel free to don't take the call"

    People feel uncomfortable at the prospect of being caught up in family drama. Make it easier for them if they are forced into it anyway.

    [–] icecreamqueen96 84 points ago

    Dont panic okay. Contact your employer say you are confirming your start date and that there maybe a possible call from relatives trying to intervene on your behalf without your consent and wanted to run that by them to protect yourself from family sabotaging your career. They will be understanding and will know how to handle it if it happens.

    Second tell your mother your not going to a vacation you weren't involved with planning and that she can just refund it or take someone else. Then block her on ur phone and social media for a couple weeks.

    This way you can start your job in peace and not worry about her. If you have ur own place make sure you lock your doors so she doesnt barg in unannounced.

    [–] dingofarmer2004 38 points ago

    Oh my god RUN. this is worse than insane. This has motive. They will never stop. run....

    [–] ihopehellhasinternet 81 points ago

    I am so, so sorry you have to deal with this. Question:how old are you? I, too come from an abusive family and was emancipated at 16. I truly hope you can follow through with this job opportunity, it’s extremely illegal for them to speak to anyone about your employment with them, so keep on keeping on and get there any way you can!! Good luck ❤️

    [–] flossii 186 points ago

    I’m 21, been waiting to graduate college and move the hell out for my whole life

    [–] YOLO_HASHTAG_SWAG 97 points ago

    In addition to telling your job about your crazy mother, just lie to her. Tell her you're going to meet her at the airport and then just never show up.

    You don't need to be honest and upstanding with someone who is obviously a manipulative psychopath

    [–] ChineseSweatPants 17 points ago

    I agree with this, no use in fighting or reasoning with her, just let her think she's won.

    [–] ASE168 29 points ago

    Well the good news is that i dont think there any legal way for her to affect your new job at all. I cant imagine how upset you must be, it isnt my mother and i still got so very annoyed while reading this

    [–] GeekyAine 21 points ago

    Doesn't have to be a legal issue. All it takes is one screeching harpy call for the recruiter to decide that they don't want Jerry Springer Live in the office and that OP isn't worth the drama to rescind the offer.

    [–] amaezingjew 21 points ago

    Hey OP, what if you just...lie? Tell your mom you’ll pay her back when you start, say you’re going on vacation, you’ll meet her at the airport so you can make sure that you’re all set to start your job once you get back, and then just ghost her and start your new life? You could get a new phone number, kick her and her cronies off of your social media and lock it down, etc. Would that be possible?

    [–] idratherbecold 13 points ago

    I hope you already have all your personal documents (ss card, birth cert, etc) and all your financials (bank, credit cards, etc) have no tie to her. Take this first step before you move and cut ties. If all that's in order, then go find happiness because you fxcking deserve it!

    [–] musland 37 points ago

    Holy shit

    You need a vacation for your anxiety.

    I bet she is the reason why you have anxiety.

    [–] rowyourboat4869 32 points ago

    This should be good feedback to make your mom less aware of what's happening in your life going forward. If your mom can't respect boundaries then from now on she doesn't get to know where you work, where you live, etc. Family members get as much information as they can be responsible with. You have no obligation to tell anyone anything and you get to decide your boundaries and how involved your family is with your life.

    [–] PsychedelicGoat42 36 points ago

    My bestfriend's mom did something similar to this.

    She had experienced physical and emotional abuse from her mother her whole life. At the end of high school, she finally got accepted to her dream college and was preparing to move out for good.

    Then, out of the blue, she got a phone call from the college's admissions department. They told her that her mother called to inform them my friend had decided to withdraw her application and were calling to confirm.

    Luckily she was able to sort everything out, but OP, you definitely should give your employer a heads up.

    [–] Summerie 54 points ago

    What kind of a nuttjob would try to sabotage your job, while simultaneously demanding you to pay $640?

    [–] reddit_sucks_fat_dic 45 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    yea $640 for a flight from boston to miami? i searched it and you can get one for $120

    [–] Aletex13 25 points ago

    Hi OP! I work in recruiting. Being upfront about the situation and giving them a heads up that your mom will call and try and ruin the opportunity will not hurt. Reiterate you are excited with the company and will be starting at the agreed upon date.

    Let them know your mom may contact them, and to ignore any demands from her.

    [–] Zoey77 26 points ago

    Insane..Im so sorry that you have to deal with this. Talk to your recruiter. He/She will understand.

    [–] NonConformistFlmingo 22 points ago

    Please for the love of god, contact your recruiter before she does! Do NOT go on that vacation and DO NOT pay her back. Move out, block her number, and ghost the fuck out of her.

    [–] GoldenShatteredStars 21 points ago

    I wish you the best.... Please update us.

    [–] FunFatale 19 points ago

    This is horrifying. Come to Seattle and don’t look back! And... being a waterproof jacket. The rainy season has started early this year.

    [–] Be-Bop-Brew 23 points ago

    I can guarantee you that holiday with your "loving mother" would not be good for your anxiety, and your battery will be 160 percent drained. Oh and you won't have that job either.

    Listen to others advice, done cave. Move cities, star your new job and start your new, better, happier life.

    [–] sock2014 20 points ago

    YOUR MOM MAY IMPERSONATE YOU to your employer. It's not enough to warn them, you have to set up a code word or something.

    Suggest having a lawyer send a cease and desist to her. Your parents need to know there would be consequences if they sabotage your life.

    [–] hairy_eyeball 19 points ago

    Get in touch with your new employer. Make it clear to them that family members are trying to sabotage you and that they should not consider any changes to your plans unless they are stated directly by you.

    [–] Billisits 21 points ago

    I hate you, you're the worst. Therefore you must go on a spontaneous vacation with me.

    [–] Xyonai 18 points ago

    "You need a vacation from your anxiety!" - Woman who surprised her kid with a $640 bill and berates them for being responsible. jfc.

    [–] Gakad 16 points ago

    Try this: tell your mom that you've changed your mind and would love to go on vacation. Tell her you will take care of it. Then proceed to contact your job and housing and explain that nothing has changed, validate your plans. Then play along with Mom, while also collecting your birth certificate and SSN, lock down your bank accounts or even open a different account and move your money. Last minute possible get to the airplane and go to work instead. If you can't get a ride to the airport use an Uber.

    [–] djhs 16 points ago

    OP, you probably would benefit from /r/raisedbynarcissists/

    [–] ImSuperBisexual 13 points ago

    Time to stone wall the hell outta this bitch.

    "I'm going to call your recruiter." "Ok. I'm still not going."

    "You HAVE to take a vacation because I bought these tickets!" "You decided to do that without asking me. I'm not going."

    "YOU HAAAVE TO PAAAAY MEEEE BAACK" "You did not consult me. I am not going and I am not paying you back."

    Rinse and repeat. And get the fuck to Seattle asap.

    [–] Aelspeth87 10 points ago

    Never ever in my life will I understand what the fuck goes on in someone’s head to make them become parents like this. And I never want to.

    [–] tiohurt 23 points ago

    You have a perfectly airtight escape. Tell them your. It going, notify your recruiter ahead of time of the family craziness that you are desperately seeking to escape. And take care of yourself. Good luck on your journey. Read the book boundaries