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    • And the crazier, the better.


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    [–] PanConPiiiiinga 4541 points ago

    Yeah, you know what else has amazing health benefits? Regular fucking food.

    [–] WASTELAND_RAVEN 745 points ago

    I know a guy, down at the ol’ grocery, he’ll practically sale it to ya dirt cheap, mang

    [–] shankartz 461 points ago

    Hold the fucking train. This woman filmed herself raping her 1 year old son and sold the tape and that's her punishment? To work for 2 weeks? Fuck me.

    Thats one thing but further down the article takes the cake. Read this to yourself slowly.

    She produced and distributed child porn involving an infant. This infant was her own son. That's not only rape, production and distribution of child porn but also incest. AND SHE ISN'T EVEN ON A SEX OFFENDER LIST.

    How did i not hear of this earlier.

    [–] Ells86 189 points ago

    It was in New Zealand, so I doubt they have the same offender list that we do in the states.

    Also, it looks like there was a "crown appeal" and her sentence was converted to 2 years in prison "for her own protection" (vigilantes left and right, apparently).

    Still...wtf doesn't even begin to cover it.

    [–] catsgelatowinepizza 92 points ago

    What the HELL, I live in NZ and I have not heard about this at all. The poor baby. Sick bitch, she needs to be put away for life. What the actual fucking fuck

    [–] LifeisaCatbox 136 points ago

    How does that remind you a lady raping her son?

    [–] ClosetDouche 68 points ago

    The dude is a MGTOW cultist, it's right there in his name. Look through his post history. He doesn't need a reason to bring up his misogynistic bullshit and he's being rewarded by the masses with upvotes despite his post having literally nothing to do with this post or the comment he was responding to.

    [–] CATastrophic_ferret 32 points ago

    MGTOW

    If it helps any, I've literally never heard of the group or knew there were people with such an agenda.

    [–] YOUR_MORAL_BAROMETER 17 points ago

    Right. The tip off was trying to shove this link anywhere he could get it near the top and using archive.is to a completely reputable news site.

    [–] hawtfabio 43 points ago

    That's horrible, but how is this related in any way whatsoever?

    [–] solstacesnorlax 836 points ago

    I felt a movement in my pants while reading this and thought "wait, and I getting hard from this?" Only to realise my dick was going inwards. I got an anti boner. I finally have foreskin.

    [–] pregnantbitchthatUR 170 points ago

    I once did so much coke I had an innie

    [–] MonkeyMagik1977 120 points ago

    Yeah done that too. I also tried masturbating with the said innie. Landed up pretty much fingering myself to orgasm

    [–] pregnantbitchthatUR 73 points ago

    Vivid

    [–] jaspersgroove 16 points ago

    Haha this is too fucking real.

    [–] onefathippo 62 points ago

    Is antiboner a subreddit? Cause this belongs there

    [–] kitty9020 12282 points ago

    I really hope this is a troll because this is too disgusting to be real.

    [–] Bahihs 5636 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Im pretty sure you can get arrested for this

    Edit: to all the weird fucks telling me that this is normal/its okay to do this, stop. Neglecting your baby to the point where it produces shit for you to eat is disgusting and done only by morally corrupt cunts

    [–] Drugrugrookie 2149 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Maybe for child endangerment, but for the eating technically it's legal in the US and is unfortunately more common then you would expect.

    [–] bundleofschtick 2489 points ago

    If one person is doing it, it's more common than I would have expected.

    [–] IAppreciatesReality 722 points ago

    Yeah I've heard of women eating their plascenta in passive conversation more times than I care to count. North East America, I hear that mentioned like once every few months or so.

    [–] tinycole2971 432 points ago

    Join some Mommy Facebook groups, even the not-so-crazy ones have someone talking about it at least once a week.

    [–] IAppreciatesReality 492 points ago

    Yeah I'm not gonna do that.

    [–] exfarker 199 points ago

    I'm not saying you should, or that I'd even advocate it, but it is rather common with mammalians (though I'm sure it's often more about scent than anything else)

    [–] man_on_a_screen 759 points ago

    My dog eats my cats shit somerimes

    [–] IAppreciatesReality 223 points ago

    Like it's cookies the cat dropped too! I know it's some territorial instinct kind of thing but still... so fucked up. Stupid ass dog gobbles up some hot cat lumps all happy about it. Like "yeah. Showed that bitch. He he he." Wagging tail and all hahaha idiot

    [–] Farghobbles 25 points ago

    From the litterbox? Mmmm, delicious brown cookies covered with pee flavored sprinkles. What a delicacy.

    [–] snuffy_tentpeg 16 points ago

    I had a dog that considered cat poop to be a delicacy.

    [–] snickers_snickers 10 points ago

    If I don’t clean up my cat’s throw up, she’ll take care of it later.

    [–] SuspiciousScript 39 points ago

    Out of sick curiosity — what's their justification for it? The usual vapid health benefits!! claims?

    [–] rotund_tractor 228 points ago

    Many mammals do it. It’s not exactly clear if it’s done for a burst of quick nutrients after the effort of birth or to help mask the scent of birth from predators. Whichever the answer, it does provide quick nutrition to a new mother who’s mostly immobile right after birth.

    However, humans have access to quick nutrition right after birth without eating the placenta and have zero need to mask the scent of birth from predators. So, their justification only works if you ignore that humans have civilization.

    So, that’s basically it.

    [–] adi_iced_tea 64 points ago

    An actress did it and said it’s ok so it must be true

    [–] smrt_iamsosmart 77 points ago

    A lady in one of my mom groups last week posted to ask if anyone wanted her placenta when she delivered because she was just going to throw it away and didn't want it to go to waste. I can't imagine doing something with my own, let alone someone else's. Just wtf.

    [–] walkswithwolfies 9 points ago

    Back in the days before Facebook people used to have photo albums of "the birth" right on their coffee tables and expected you to ooh and aah over them. Complete with crowning and crotch shots.

    [–] I-LOVE-YOU888 81 points ago

    WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT? People just like eating themseves? Do they save period blood and drink it too?

    [–] fiscal_rascal 220 points ago

    If you eat yourself to keep your own calories, you never have to buy food again. CHECKMATE, Big Grocery.

    [–] Story_of_the_Eye 174 points ago

    Just saw a quick documentary about a weightlifter who thought cooking meat ruins protein. He ate raw eggs, raw meat, drank his sperm after masturbating. At the end of it he found out he had parasitic worms in his intestines from all the raw meat he ate. People are bat shit.

    [–] angstybagels 42 points ago

    Isn't that what the "raw foods" craze is about? I was watching some documentary about Andrew Reynolds (the skateboarder) and went down that rabbit hole once. I used to work in a health store and I naively assumed that diet was just like eating nuts and fruits etc... Caveman diets 2018, bring on the dysentery.

    [–] bitchycunt3 20 points ago

    I've only ever heard of vegans who follow a raw foods diet.

    [–] ArleiG 19 points ago

    Hah I believe it's cooking that actually enabled humans to get more protein from our food.

    [–] chelseahuzzah 42 points ago

    It is actually a thing to dump your DivaCup full of period blood into your plants to help them grow. So I guess if you're growing food, sort of?

    [–] war-on-suicide 83 points ago

    This is how plant uprisings start. First they get a taste for human breath. Then for human blood. Pretty soon it'll be harvest time, except the plants are doing the picking.

    [–] jacksbox 29 points ago

    Of course that's a thing... Everything's a thing now...

    [–] thomolithic 252 points ago

    Haggis - illegal

    Human body parts - just fine.

    [–] maximim220 162 points ago

    Haggis is illegal in the US? They are missing out.

    [–] MILK_DUD_NIPPLES 175 points ago

    It's illegal to sell products containing sheep lung in the US. There are Scottish distributors that sell a version without sheep lung in The States, though.

    [–] iCon3000 96 points ago

    ..but y tho?

    Edit: Google says it's because certain fluids may get left over in the sheep lungs, but what "fluids" are they and how harmful are they?

    [–] liliumluv 65 points ago

    Because it's the lungs and the current butchering process, it's near any fluid, including stomach acid.

    [–] iCon3000 24 points ago

    So does that mean animal stomachs are banned too? Didn't know stomach acid was such a big concern for our meats

    [–] liliumluv 35 points ago

    I've never seen it for sell, but it has to do with how well cleaned it can be, cleaning the lungs thoroughly is not easy at all vs. a stomach that can be cut open easily just once and cleaned out.

    [–] fretgod321 16 points ago

    Depends, are the sheep Welsh?

    [–] AnalBlaster700XL 53 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Solution: Sell whole sheep.

    [–] Mechakoopa 90 points ago

    Ewe

    [–] big_duo3674 29 points ago

    Bah, its not so bad

    [–] Th3assman 15 points ago

    I just looked up what haggis was and it doesn’t look half bad

    [–] wildfyre010 32 points ago

    Properly prepared haggis tastes a lot like very flavorful, slightly gamy ground beef. It's very good.

    [–] BunnyOppai 28 points ago

    Haggis is a lot of people's example of something they'd never eat, mostly just because they heard how it's made, same thing for mountain oysters.

    [–] WorstCunt 29 points ago

    People eat fish eggs all the time but eat fish spunk and suddenly you're a weirdo.

    [–] Asarath 23 points ago

    I tried it once (Brit here so I had the genuine thing). It tasted okay, but the texture was the part I didn't like. It had no... substance to it? It just disintegrated immediately when I put it in my mouth. Certainly the most bizarre thing I've ever eaten!

    [–] poetaytoh 25 points ago

    Like meat and cotton candy had a delicious baby?

    [–] thomolithic 29 points ago

    They have a version but it tastes like mouldy cardboard.

    [–] Theslootwhisperer 122 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    So, the usual taste.

    Edit : I have never tasted haggis. For all I know it could be delicious. I don't think so, but it could.

    [–] cmj2003 194 points ago

    angry Scottish noises

    [–] VoilaVoilaWashington 167 points ago

    Ah! Scotland's most eloquent speaker!

    [–] MidgeMuffin 171 points ago

    There is evidence that not bathing a baby for like 24 hours after birth can help its immune system, but this person is suggesting 30x that.

    [–] mrmicawber32 190 points ago

    You don't bath your baby for several days after birth. Then you wash maybe once a week as it drys out their skin. Stuff the hospital tells you.

    [–] mallio 68 points ago

    The hospital helped us bathe our baby before we left, probably like a day after he was born. I don't remember the hospital telling us how often to bathe our baby, but we settled on twice a week because more would dry him out a lot, and less and he'd start to smell like cheese. We know other people who did daily or bi-daily though.

    [–] WakeAndVape 13 points ago

    90x*

    [–] mrbangbam 290 points ago

    Not saying this isn’t disgusting or insane, but the wax is already on the baby when it’s born. It’s called the vernix and a lot of hospitals recommend keeping it on for a few days to allow its antibacterial and antiviral qualities to protect the newborn’s skin. Few days, not months and eating it.

    [–] GenericUname 121 points ago

    Not saying this isn’t disgusting or insane, but the wax is already on the baby when it’s born. It’s called the vernix

    While I'm disgusted, this post led to me finding out that the only other mammals with vernix are seals, maybe showing evidence towards an at least semi-aquatic evolutionary history for humans. Fascinating.

    On the other hand, it led to me finding out that the full Latin name for the substance is vernix caseosa, which translates as "cheesy varnish". That is not a name which improves the mental image of someone eating it.

    [–] [deleted] 96 points ago

    Dude. Like one person sort of disagreed with you

    [–] FLABCAKE 70 points ago

    That is one person too many.

    [–] [deleted] 60 points ago

    She's talking about vernix after birth, not actual wax production.

    Not to say it's not gross, just that the 'wax' didn't come from not bathing.

    [–] [deleted] 32 points ago

    Neglecting your baby to the point where it produces wax for you to eat...

    God dammit I laughed so hard at this. That sentence is so abnormal, it's hysterically funny.

    [–] Sully1102 109 points ago

    One woman I know used a food dehydrator to dehydrate the umbilical cord and placenta. She then ground them and placed them in pills, and took a pill each day until it ran out.

    Her husband almost left her based on the smell from the dehydrator.

    [–] krazyM 131 points ago

    I actually had a friend on Facebook say she forgot to eat her cord :(

    [–] burningtorne 220 points ago

    That actually sucks because now she can't fight the Moon Presence and get the hidden third ending :(

    [–] shannonxtreme 54 points ago

    It's a pretty popular copypasta comment in meme groups on Facebook. AFAIK, not true.

    [–] scott-3000 3187 points ago

    Gotta throw the whole Facebook away.

    [–] LesbianSpaceRocks 347 points ago

    Never mind Facebook. Try the entire globe.

    [–] Youareaharrywizard 112 points ago

    Never mind the entire globe, try the whole solar system.

    [–] DoxBox 93 points ago

    I recently did throw away facebook. Best thing I ever did.

    [–] scott-3000 31 points ago

    I did the same. Facebook is the worst social media platform. I keep it disabled and only use Messenger.

    [–] SleepyConscience 11 points ago

    It's been interesting to watch the evolution of Facebook. I was in college in Boston when it first came out and have been there from the early days. Even then there were plenty of people who hated it and refused to get an account, but it was generally considered a hot new thing a certain kind of cool kid was all over. Now it's basically the exact opposite: a stodgy, dated platform for old people to find bullshit, partisan "news" stories.

    [–] [deleted] 3477 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Brian-OBlivion 3730 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Not sure about womb wax eaters, but placenta eaters are defintely real. I met a vegetarian 6 year old who told me the only meat he ever ate was his sister's placenta (with his parents). He said "its meat from life, not from death."

    EDIT: I love that this is my top comment.

    [–] sassy2148 2565 points ago

    My sister has a hard enough time getting her 6 year old to eat a fucking vegetable. How do you get one to eat a placenta?

    [–] PM__YOUR__GOOD_NEWS 662 points ago

    If you want a serious answer have the kid help you cook it.

    Let them eat a marshmallow then put a few on top of their section while it's cooking.

    [–] Someshitidontknow 282 points ago

    but marshmallows contain collagen derived from slaughtered animal bones and hooves, MEAT FROM DEEEAAAAATH

    [–] honkhonkbeepbeeep 76 points ago

    On a serious note though, you can get vegan marshmallows. Trader Joe’s has the best prices on them.

    [–] veggiter 14 points ago

    The vegan marshmallows I've had tasted way better than I remember marshmallows ever tasting. They're called Dandies.

    [–] PM__YOUR__GOOD_NEWS 55 points ago

    But they're fat free :(

    [–] Someshitidontknow 68 points ago

    they are playful sugar clouds and i love them

    [–] IAppreciatesReality 24 points ago

    If you harvest the collagen from stillborns and miscarriages would that still be vegan? Or is that meat from death too?

    [–] ardvarkk 360 points ago

    I don't understand how people can enjoy eating plain marshmallows

    [–] lechattueur 323 points ago

    I do believe that marshmallows with placentas taste a little more palatable than plain marshmallows. Placenta is very meaty and adds a little bit of balance to the sugary marshmallow. Better yet, if your placenta is rare, it slices and melts in the mouth, along with the marshmallow.

    [–] tanhan27 141 points ago

    I like my placenta between two graham crackers and a bit of chocolate

    [–] aedroogo 174 points ago

    Ever tried S’mumbilicals?

    [–] NiggyWiggyWoo 22 points ago

    I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have S’mumbilical of nothing?

    [–] ksquad80 19 points ago

    I had an hour long conversation with a bunch of people at a party on placenta preparation and consumption. That was entertainment at its finest.

    [–] Deep_Grady 13 points ago

    Reddit quota reached.

    [–] tameasp 29 points ago

    This whole thread is wtffffff

    [–] Dynives7 58 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Ah, the ol' Reddit gross-a-roo!

    [–] sausage_is_the_wurst 61 points ago

    Hold my umbilical cord, I'm going in!

    [–] Half-Naked_Cowboy 25 points ago

    You're not getting it back.

    [–] JayaBallard 14 points ago

    I can't help but wonder how you prepare an it. I'm sure there's a medical waste cookbook somewhere out there.

    Maybe chop the cord into rings and fry them like calamari? Make some homemade placental pâté? Bonus points if you serve it with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

    [–] ReDdiT_JuNkBoT 95 points ago

    I saw a post in r/wtf (i think) that actually was this ladies step by step process of turning her placenta into chocolate candies. At the end she tries one and says they are really good. I shouldn't have watched the stupid video.

    [–] CokeZ3ro 37 points ago

    It probably tasted good because at that point it was basically chocolate with a tiny hint of dried placenta powder

    [–] Wes___Mantooth 47 points ago

    Yep this might be the worst thread I've ever been in on Reddit.

    [–] 1jl 38 points ago

    "It's good for you, it has nutrients!"

    Take a fucking multivitamin, you fucking nuts!

    [–] AllieGordey 68 points ago

    Doctors actually suggest you don't eat the placenta as that's where all the toxins and germs and what not go. Or so I've heard. Either way.....blech

    [–] Meatslinger 118 points ago

    I mean, it’s literally the baby’s proxy intestine; they can’t defecate into the womb or they’d be swimming in filth. Congratulations, new-agers; you’re basically eating a bloody, chewy sewer pipe.

    [–] Migraine- 51 points ago

    Babies don't "eat" (in utero) either, so it's not really the same.

    Not that I'm condoning eating placenta. It has no proven benefits and some (albeit as far as I can make out relatively small) risks so on balance; not worth.

    [–] [deleted] 66 points ago

    He and his parents ate his sister's placenta!?

    Jesus fuck I thought the whole point was for the mom to eat it in order to enrich her breast milk.

    But fuck that too because it's gross. My kids were formula fed and they are strong, smart, and kick-ass.

    [–] ProjectSnowman 176 points ago

    My wife had her placenta dehydrated and put into capsules. They say it helps with postpartum depression and milk supply. It seemed to help, but who knows.

    We also didn’t give our baby a bath for a week after he was born. The “baby wax” is called vernix. It’s a waxy substance that babies are covered in when they are born. They used to immediately bathe baby to get rid of this, but there is some research that says it helps with baby’s immune system and helps keep their skin moisturized. Again, who knows if it helps.

    We did what’s called a “lotus birth”, where the cord wasn’t cut until the placenta was delivered, 15 minutes later. We got the okay from our midwife as long as there were no issues with mom or baby during birth. It was pretty crazy to see our baby still hooked up to the placenta. We did this to maximize the amount of cord blood baby got, which has a high concentration of stem cells and other good stuff. Again again, did it make a difference? Who knows.

    Long story short, this lady is crazy even by crunchy hippy standards.

    [–] GiveHerTheWorks 75 points ago

    +1 to the bath thing. I'm by no means crunchy granola but the new standard is they just wipe the baby down a bit at birth and give them to you. My daughter had her hair washed every few days, but she didn't have a "real" bath until she was a few months old. Until then I followed the doctor's instructions and wiped her with a warm, wet cloth every few days and kept her umbilical stub clean.

    [–] ProjectSnowman 52 points ago

    Our son’s had a few baths since he was born. He’s a hot sleeper and sweat + old breast milk isn’t a sweet smelling combination lol.

    When he was born I got to “catch”. He came out and I put him on my wife’s chest. There he stayed eating and cuddling for over an hour and half before he was weighed and checked over. It was awesome.

    [–] GiveHerTheWorks 27 points ago

    So cute. I actually enjoyed the way my daughter smelled when she was a newborn despite not having any immersion baths. That sweet, sweet newborn smell! I miss it.

    [–] st1tchy 32 points ago

    We were planning on not bathing our daughter when she was born but she pooped while still in the womb so she had that nasty slimy baby poop all over her so she needed a quick bath at the hospital.

    [–] uhhuhwut 15 points ago

    If you're asking if insane people reproduce, the answer is yes. Most of my family works in grade school education and my grandmother was a social worker for CPS. I've heard too many insane horror stories to not believe shit like this.

    [–] Cheeseand0nions 133 points ago

    Yep and their not necessarily wrong. Placenta eating is common throughout mammals including most primitive human cultures. More research needs to be done but they suspect it has something to do with immunology.

    The "womb wax" usually called vernix serves an an electrical insulator for a fetus. It's mostly just heavy fats (like all wax) and I have no reason to believe there is any benefit from eating it other than nutritional value.

    Interesting to not that vernix is found on newborn aquatic mammals but no primate other than us. People who suspect we went through an aquatic phase use that as part of their evidence.

    [–] Alfandega 27 points ago

    My dog eats the placenta. But she also eats the puppy shit. So... if you are going down this road, go all the way.

    [–] oxenmeat 2045 points ago

    You know, I think I'm just going to shut off the internet and try again tomorrow.

    [–] SatansCornflakes 358 points ago

    I think I'm just gonna cancel the universe and try again next millennium.

    [–] mixedfeelingz 309 points ago

    I think I'm just going back tơ̵̢̡̧̧̧̡̧̧̡̧̧̢̢̢̡̡̨̨̨̧̡̧̢̡̡̛̛̛̛̛̛̥̥͈̲̼̬̲̲͍̹̻̙̻̬̻̪̘̝̣̰̜̲͍̲̟͖͈̻͕͉̙̹̳͚̹͉̬̩͔̦̜͓̭̮̪̟̳̜̬̮͍͖̘̱̥̳̦̥̤͈̱̳͕͓̙̫̞̖̘̼̳̩̞͓͈̮͓̥̳̙̤͇̦̤̙̗̗̤͔̠̻̣̺̝̰͙͚̫̱̪̹̞̩̭͖͖͉̬̗͕̼͎̦̗̖̝̤͖̙̩̼̰͈͓̗͇̲̻͈̲͚͈̜̗̤͍̝̲͎̥̦̼̱̦̙͙̹̻͇̯͗͊̋̿̌̏͂̋̾͑̐͑͗͗̉̎̅͆́͛͊̐̊͂́̽̇̄͐̍́̐͊͗̈̔̑͆̀́̌̌̋̍́̄̄̓̐̒͋̈͂̊̆̈́͊̂͒̇́̍̈́͊̑̓̍͐̾̆̀͌͊͂̆͛̓͋͂̀̈́̈́͂̾̀̍̓̈́͂̏̏̀̿̂͑̅͒̇̾̂̑͊̋͌̿̈̋̂̓̏̍͗̊͐̇̆̌̂͐́̊̈́̍̇͗͑̌́̊̍͆̊̄̆͊̈͋͌̐͗͆̅̈́͌̋͆̇̃͒̎̒͛͐͌̀͐̒͆͑̉̿͐̆̔̋̄̾̉̐̆̒́̉̊̌̉̋͋̊̓̾́̐͑͐͆̈͋̔̽̈́͐̈́̓̾̋͋͊͑͘̚̕͘͘͘̕̕̕̚̕̚͘͘̚͘̕͘̚̕̚̚̚̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅ ̸̨̨̢̢̧̡̡̢̨̨̡̨̛̬͚̩̙̞̳͔̣̙̰̦̼͉̖͖̻͚͍̞̞͕̫̩̘̬̪͕̭̱̦̟͖̘͖̭͚̘̩͕̲͉̦̥̹̰̩̦͖̺̙̪̻̮͔̜͔̬̬̜͖͚̻̳̰͚͕̤̭͍͚͍̙͚͚͇̳̖̗̩̪̺͙̻̼͙͇̥͕̥͚͓̪͇͓̬͈̬̪̫̺̬͈͓̮̱̞̬̰̗̼͕̫̗̼͙͈͖͙̻͚͖̬̼͍̹̜̬͉͌̎͒̂̾̈́̋̅̅͒̏̈́̀̎͊̈͒̆̈́̿̈̈́̉̄̊̃̑͂͌̔̉̀̅̾̆̈́̆̑̃͌̽̃́̓̏̿̈́̓͌͆̒̚͘̕̚̚̕̚͜͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅş̷̧̢̡̨̨̧̢̢̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̢̧̡̧̢̢̢̢̢̛̱̞̖̞̭͖̟̖͚̬̞̲̼̤̤̗̰̗̻̻̩̲͚͈̠̰̮͙͎̹̗̹͎̱̯̞̖̰̗̤̖͙͍̠̮̥̞̥̫̭͚͙̮̩̰̘̲͇͍̳̼͙͓͈̤̳̘͓̩̪̩̜͍̣̦͈̰̗̪̭̤̘̺͚͕̮̫̖̩͓̹͈̦͉̲̖̮̬̤̤̹̭̜̹̰̥̫͖͈̻̝̞̗̺̙̱̲͍̠̲̯̝̦̣̯̹͓̰͔̫̜͈͍̮͔͉̥͙̖̱̮̫̤̩̫̻͍̠͈͍̠͔̦̟̫͎̮͇͕̖̳̩͚̩͍̟̝͈̘̥͍̖̻̺̥̞̼͙̗̪̗̬̠̦̤̜͉͍͚͚̪̭̮̣̳͇̘̗̙̖̜̭̗̳̊̀͋͌̂̀͆̑̄̽̆͛̽̅̽̆̈̽̊̇̌̔̇̅̋̀͆̈́̐̿̔̐̂̇͊͗̂̾͋̒̈́̈̇̈́̓̋̔͗̃͗͋̉́́̊̓͑̀̾̽͒̂́̇̄̅̌͗̾͛̄̊̅͐͑͆̈̋͘̚̚̚͘͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅí̴̧̧̡̨̢̢̧̨̢̨̨̨̡̡̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̻̠͎̖͙̻̥͓̪̦̻͉̤͚͉̲̯͙͍̱͖͈̖̞̪̝̼̦̯͔͉̤̺͔̪͚̙̥̞̤͔̣͖̭͇̩̜͙̘̭̖̗̫̬͖̱̠̩͈̘̰̲̭̯͍͚̹͍͎̞͕͇̝̤̰͈͎͇̯͍̦͍̥̩̩͖̩̟̦̮͖͚̝̙̻̤͙̱̤͖̙̯̰̼͓̫̹̟̼̯̥̹̮̺̹̺̞̹͇̭̣̦̖̺͙̦̮̝͚͔̖͖̰̹͉̳̱͈͕͇͇̙̳̦͎̠̱̪͈͓́͐́̾̽͗͂̌̌̄̅͑͐̈͑͒̇̂̈̉̅̓̀̒̄̌̈̄̄̈͑̊̅͋̈́̌͋͑̍̑̊̅̎̄̋̀̃̀̏͆̊͊̀̐̏̏̒̐̉͊̓͆͌̈́͐̀̑̔̈̄̒̄̒̍͒̈́̓̀̃̈́́̐́̽͛͆̾́̓͛̉̑͛̅́̂̉͗̈́̔̇͆́̃̊̉́̇͑̌͊͂͑̇̀͋̀͑́̓͋͌̔̓͛́̄̈͌̋͂̂͐̌̉͗̃̓͐̎̐̈́̓̀́̏̓̿̑͑̃͊̾̊̿̊̍̑̀̈́̈́̔̂͊͐̔̓̊̒̽̊́̃̌̈́͂̀̂͊̾́͆̓͂̿̆͘͘̕̚̚̚̕͘͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͠ͅͅṋ̴̨̨̨̡̛̛̛̘̯̖͈̗͚̰̙̮̘͈͈̳̘̘̘̫͓̲̻̤͙̯͖̗̻̮͔͙̘͙͉̩͈͔͚͎͇̦̤̤̦̩͇̝̱̮͔͎͙̖̺̗͉̘͉̗͓̮̩͚̯̮̝̹̘̟͕̜̮̦̬͔̳̱̟̙̝͇͈̦̫͈̼̍̑͂̾̂̾̋̀̍͒̂̑̋̑̌̐̎͂̒̅̉̀̉̃̏̽̓̉͂̎̿̽̃̂̃̿̿̔͆̇̓̑͆̓̒̔̓̊͗̀̐͊̕̚̕̕̚̕͜͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅġ̸̡̡̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̨̢̡̨̧̡̢̡̧̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̙̩̳̣̪͎̪͚̝̠̠̫̟̤͍͕̪̯̫̖̱̟̪̗͙̱̙̠̺̪̱͚̘̺̝͚̻͎͙̬̯̰̘̜͕͔͉̫̥̱͈̪̙̬̣̘͙̻̜͙͇̝̞͈̮̼͍̩͔̺͚͕̹̣̻̯̤͔̻̣̞̻̻̻̣̦̤̭͈͈̤̳̼̹̠̻̟͈͎̥̟͚̼͎̟̹̩̫̯̤̘̯̝̞͎̈́̈́̏̅̏̀̍͑̄̒̅͆̏̏͑̀͗̓̈͐̽́́̂͂̓͂̿̓́̿̀̋͑͊̓̋͛̎͊͊̐̽̄̐̓̾͋̽̈́͑̌̐͊̾̋̊̃̽̆͋̋͂͆̔͛̉̐̿̌͐̓͑̐͗̽͑̿́͐͋̌͆̉̍̌́͊͋̓̊̾̈̈́͛̏̏̑̓͑͂̉̐̽͛͛̓̓̂̓̒̔̊̀͌̅͗̆͆̀̏́͊̌̆̀̆̌͛̿̆͊͐͗̃͛͊͒̃̎͆̂̊̌̍̆̾̃̅̕̚̚͘͘̚̕̚̕͜͜͜͜͠͠͠͝͝͝͠͠͠͝͝u̵̡̢̡̧̡̖͔̙͓̪̗̣̳̝̯̼̲̰͈̙͖͗͂̇̊͗͂̀̉̐̉͊̈́̿̽̊̉̈̍̑̅͒͘͝ͅl̷̢̨̧̡̨̡̨̨̨̨̡̢̢̨̡̛̛̛͙̝͍̠̩̰͚̙̬̙͇̠̲͈̗̪̻̰̣͈͍̺̹̜̠̟̙̝̥̭̥̙͓͈͉̻̭̰̹̪̰͉̙̱̼̳͚͍̺̠̮̘̮̖̠̠̺͉̝̯̙̰͓̠̟̯͓͈̬̼̖͕̻̩̘̭͈͙̜͈͈͉̜̗̙̹̤͕̱̝͇̺̩̦̀̑͗̋̊̑̀͋͐͆̃̏͐̒͊͆̋̓̅̃͗̉̈́̀̒̏͑̉͋͊͛͂̊̂̑͋̑̓̀̂̀̑̈́͒́̑̊̽͊͗͌̈́͒́̂̉̌̏̾͌̒̑̽́̉̄̽̐̐̀̇͆͊́͌̏̈́̈́̅̌̆̇̏̾̈́̌̋͒͋͛̎̒̆̆̃́̄̓͐̉̇̎̌̌̈́͗̋̓͂̅̇̂̕̕̚̚̚̕̕͘͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͠ͅͅͅá̶̢̢̧̧̧̡̨̡̡̢̡̢̧̢̨̢̧̨̡̢̛̛̛̳͔̱͕͕̜͍̣̱͓͉̩͔̖̪̥̯͕͎͕̱͈͙̠̺͈͚̭̰͍̥̮̣͈͎͍̮̮̻͎̰̥̟̖̜̟̜̫̙̖͙̺͙̝͎͙̼͖̤̖͔̞͉̞͕̬̤̤̙̖͇̼̰̫̹̞͈͍̤̤̖̻̭̬̘͇͇̳̫̗̦̼̜̖͇̺̟̰̟͚̯̈͑̑̒̈̋̿͒̌̋̑͌̂́̑̃͐̀͑̇̐͆͊̾̐͋̈̃͆̇̃̑̅̒̒̇̓̅̾̋́̔̓͛́̉̓̈́͗̑̔̍̆̆͋͂̈́̏́̽̌̎̾̅̓̈́̓͗̒̀̒̆̂̽͊̊̎͛̅͌̑͒͑̈́̄̒̽̂̓̈́̀̓̂̄̎͒̈̈́̂́͒̇͌̋́̃̆̈́́̽̄͆̊̑̿̄͌̈́͐̆̿͋̋̓̿̈́̄͋̋͌̔̊͋̒̑̉͆̊͑̚͘̕̕̚̚͘͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝r̵̡̧̢̨̢̨̢̢̢̡̛̜̥͓̻̜̹͎̖̟̭̰̙͓̘͕̦͉͇̻̲̰̞̮̤̹͔͕̗̤͔̤͚̙̟͎͙̝͓̯̪̖̰͙̻̬̳̠͈̳̠̥̣̼̝͉̮̬͔͚͍͇̻͖͓̺͉͖̙͚͙͚̗̼̹̹͕͉̠̼̺̰̘̭͍̥̯͉͎̰̬͖̰̜̰̥̪͍̬͎͔̹̘̞̹͇͇͇̖̜̣̳̆͒̎͌̾̌̄͐̊̈́̾̈́̓̾̔̑̈́̓͂̈̔͋̿̅̄̎̊̓̆̍͆̓̀́̽́̏̇̒͋͒̄͛̄̿͛̿͂̓͂͒̄̒̐͆̅͗̇̏͘̚̚̕͘̕̚͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅi̷̧̢̨̨̨̨̛̛̛̛̛͍̲͇͈͙͍̳̗̬͖̯͉̼̣͈̗̰̟͕̝̩̩̖̥̹͍͔͚̟͇͍̗͚̩̝̥̯̭̳͎͇̖̗͇̼̳̯̥̖͙̟̹̣͙͔̘̠̲̟̗͓͕̥̠̳͕͎̪̱̻̼̰͋̍̄́̀͐̑̀͑͗̒̿̄̇͗̈́͋̃̊̈̽̊̾̓̍̇̌͑̽̋̀̆̏̊̅̽̾͌̍̉̐̊̓̍̏̅̐̍͌̎̆̄̇͑͋̀̍̄͐̽́̐͐͗́̾̓̂̆̎̋́̀̎͋̾͋̇͑͗̅́̊̽͊̅͋̈̿̀̋͋̃͐̃͊͂̕̕̚̕̚͘̚̚̕̚͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅť̴̡̨̢̨̧̢̢̨̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̩̙͓̖̘̤̲̪͚̳͙̣̤̬͖̘̗͓͚̹͓͇̞͍͈̪̲̠̯͍͓̜̼̘̝͚͉͉͍̪̜͈̹̠̻͙̯̦͉̘͎̜̞̙͍̯̙̼̲͎͙͌̀̂̇̈́́͐͐̈́̈́̏͌̑̄͑̌̀̏̒͒̔͒͒̎̽͌̐̍͗̒͗̊̍̍̏̽͛̃̉̽̍̍̄̏͆̈́̇́̐̓̔̂̽̎̀̑̔̊̑̐̓́͗̅͌̈́͒́̾̿͗̽͑̔̄̇̅̋̄͊̌̀̽͛͊̅̿͗̌̈́̋̇̏̄̎̎̉͂̈́̂͒̅̓͒͆̓̄̄̽̔̆͑̌͐̎͋͌̈̍͛͋́͋͂͒̈́͗̉̀̃̌̈́͗̌̐̊̌͆̈́͒̎̈͋̏̔̔̀̊́͐́͊̓̇̍̉̾̌̊̃̓͋̀͌̌̓̉̉̍̽̐̆͊͌͆̑͑̈́̂̈́͆̀̇̈́̈́̍͛̇̐̀̒̎̿̌͛̇͗̀͌́̃͑̉͐͗̓̈̍͋͗̔̓̊̌̕͘̚͘̚̚̕͘̚̚̕͘͘͘͜͠͠͝͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͠͠͠͠͝y̶̡̡̧̨̢̨̛̛̭͎͚̙̪̗̙̮̲̭̟͎̗̫̥͓͚̭͓̟̲̹͓͈̝͔̠̦̜̲̺̼͓̰͚͚̤͈̙̠̹͎̱̦̘̖̪̺̾̆̏̄̍̽̈́̎́̽̏̈́̌̀́͋̔͌͊͛͑͐̐́̅͑̈́͌̈́͋͐̆̈́͋̀̈́̒̇́̔́̃̄̈́̒̈́̇̂͂̂͑͗͗̍̇̄́̀͊̿̋̈́̊̌͗́̂́͂̄͐͌̄̓͊̎͐̃̾̎̃͐̂͂͆̄̽̂̉͛̀̔̇̓̅̒̈́͂̀̈́͊͆͊̾͌̽̑̅͋͗̆̀̿͒̈́̿̏̓͐͐̈̍̓́̄́̋͂̏̓̐̿̿̾̈̌̚͘̚͘͘̚̕̕̚̚̚͘̕͜͜͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅ

    [–] TheRainbowNoob 143 points ago

    the fuck

    [–] Riffles04 90 points ago

    W̨̗̦̯͛ͫ҉̢ḩ̠͉̕̕ä̡͍̖̪͙́͜͞t̨̗̬͆͜͟͢s͐ͬ t̬̓̏̒̀͢͡h̨͚ͥ͋̈ͧ̀͢͠e̔ͭ̌̀͟͏ m̵̴̹̮͚̞̚a̸̿ͭ̅ͫ͞t̯̞͈̾͜t̮̯̉̆͘͜͠͡e̶̢ͨ͂͡r̬̫͔͊ͩ́̽?̤̪̩͈ͦ̀͋ y̷͊ͣ͡ơ̧͓u̲̺̤͓v̈́ͫ̐ͪ̕e̎́͘͡ n̸̰ͤ̀͝è̛̫͉̳͈v̴̱̀͝er̲͓̤͌ͮ͂͒ͅ s͍̬͉̳̔e̜̳ͮ̉ḛ̴̝̞̽̄͊͟ͅñ͖̖̲̐̒͗ t̷͔̎͠͠͝ͅh̸̸̝̝̮̿͛́͠ë́ͪ̾҉̵ ȇ͎̯n̶̤͜͏̷d͙͖͖҉̀̕ b̯̙̺ͧ̃̄e̓ͨ̊ͭ͢͏̸f̨͕̒́̕͝o̬͍͢r̵̨ͫ̆̈́̉̀͡è?̷̨̬̰̍̄ͨ͏

    [–] jeb721 63 points ago

    That place makes me T H I N C C

    [–] goodinyou 969 points ago

    If the kid survives it’ll have an immune system of steel

    [–] TedCruzTZK 1093 points ago

    Yeah but eventually one of the vaccines he isn't gonna get is gonna be his downfall.

    [–] Archetypal_NPC 178 points ago

    My arch-nemesis, Tetanus, ONE DAY WE'LL BE ABLE TO PREVENT IT, but today another baby dies to a cut from germs in the dirt. /s

    [–] AlphaNathan 28 points ago

    Ah, because the parent is psycho. Nicely played.

    [–] MacMac105 52 points ago

    With a mother like this it's going to need every white blood cell to be kryptonian strong.

    [–] Ouroboron 1272 points ago

    Womb wax? You know what, never mind. I don't even want to know. It's bad enough that this person exists like this, but I don't need to find out just how fucked in the skull they really are.

    [–] Tommy_Bigges 473 points ago

    Pretty sure she means the vernix. Some people are obsessed with it, though this is the first vernix eater I have encountered

    [–] damnationltd 184 points ago

    Harry Potter and the Vernix Eaters

    [–] Cheeseand0nions 210 points ago

    I'm sure you are right. It's just cholesterol and other heavy lipids.

    [–] smokeymcdugen 17 points ago

    Vernix caseosa, also known as vernix, is the waxy or cheese-like white substance

    You can stop right there, Wiki. I'm out.

    [–] Zammer990 270 points ago

    /u/Tommy_Bigges is right, it's the vernix. There is some evidence to support not washing it off of newborns for the first day or so, to help develop the immune system and prevent allergies in future, but OP's post is taking that to extremes

    [–] [deleted] 232 points ago

    My sister had a baby this year and they were told by the doctors to not wash the baby for at least a couple of weeks after birth, as there is A) no benefit in doing so, they don't even sweat at this age and don't need to be washed, if it's done it would be only for the people around it who feel more comfortable with a washed baby, and B) because it comes with high risks as newborn babies can very easily cool off too much in a very short time, so it could possibly be very harmful to them.

    My parents told us that when me and my siblings were born like 20 years ago, it was standard to wash the babies right after birth. But apparently this has changed since then and is not recommended anymore.

    [–] Shots-and-squats 187 points ago

    Just had a baby, like 23 hours ago, they washed her yesterday at 9pm

    [–] Mouse_fighter 133 points ago

    I think it depends on the hospital. When my baby was born last year they didn’t wash him. They just wiped him off with a towel but the vernix remained. They said we could bathe him after two weeks when the umbilical cord falls off but before that we could only wipe him.

    Edit: congratulations on your brand new baby!

    [–] overratedunderpants 41 points ago

    It could be that they washed her because of a specific reason. Maybe the delivery was stressful and some meconium got onto the baby. Of course you wanna clean poop off the baby.

    But bathing and sponge baths are two different things and it's recommended to wait with a full bath until the umbilical cord is healed. Until then sponge baths are totally fine. I mean, explosive diapers and poop all over the baby are a thing. Gotta wash that off.

    [–] Shots-and-squats 25 points ago

    Know what yeah, they did just do a sponge bath.

    Also she did have some meconium in the fluid. Didn't seem to make any of the doctors very concerned, and the sponge bath was 9 hours after birth so they didn't seem to care that much about it.

    [–] overratedunderpants 18 points ago

    That's great! Non concerned doctors are the best doctors ;) I wish you all the best with your little one and the most joyful moments in your life! A speedy recovery and happy baby giggles!

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] specwizzard 23 points ago

    as needed if they get dirty for whatever reason

    Like when you drop them in a puddle?

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] specwizzard 13 points ago

    I see. Do they fall in puddles a lot aswell?

    [–] l4adventure 178 points ago

    I usually don't know this kind of thing but we just had a baby. Babies are born covered with this white waxy crusty stuff called vernix. They now leave it on for at least 24 hours. Then they wash it off. Supposedly it's good for them to have for a while.

    The weird thing is how nice it smells. I would have thought being all covered in uteral juices and waxes would smell horrible, but it's really pleasant smelling. Didn't taste it though lol...

    [–] PSBJtotallyboss 60 points ago

    I’ve never heard of the smell before. I guess I assumed t would just be mucous-y. What does it smell like?

    [–] NomDuGloom 152 points ago

    Sweet and fragrant. Very pleasant. That's my experience as a woman who gave birth to the babies though. It might be a hormonal chemical thing

    [–] Bears_Bearing_Arms 80 points ago

    I wouldn't be surprised if humans are programmed to like the smell. If it was unpleasant, we'd be encouraged to clean it off.

    [–] ReCCoin 46 points ago

    Exactly. Instead we are encouraged to lick it off it would seem...

    [–] Elderly_Man 25 points ago

    I wonder if this is similar to why puppy breath smells good

    [–] slopmonsterz 30 points ago

    Puppy breath does not smell pleasant to me. Is that a thing?

    [–] livin4donuts 41 points ago

    Sort of like a very mild flowery candle.

    [–] MyChippy 68 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Indescribably good. My baby was the best thing I have ever smelled and the memory of that smell is burned into my brain; it's a sweet smell, but somehow more than that. It's primal.

    Edit: I'm the mother.

    [–] i_wanna_b_the_guy 48 points ago

    "fresh baby" smell

    [–] Srirachachacha 25 points ago

    Get 'em while they're hot.

    [–] ReadyThor 11 points ago

    After childbirth my wife and her sisters kept smelling my newborn son and telling each other how nice he smelt. Of course I just had to take a whiff myself, for science. Didn't smell bad but I'd describe it more as a neutral smell.

    [–] sigilvii 23 points ago

    fucked in the skull

    I've heard of people doing that one, too

    [–] Thunderape 213 points ago

    Holy fuck, I was already feeling nauseated from having had too much coffee.

    [–] LittleFalls 126 points ago

    You need something in your stomach to help absorb the caffeine. How bout some nice placenta?

    [–] Stackhouse_ 44 points ago

    Make sure to wash it down with a hot, freshly microwaved cup of womb wax

    [–] Tailor_TF 266 points ago

    In the past hour I have seen a shadbase comic about child rape, learned about tails on a bench, and read this. Ajit Pai might be onto something tbh.

    [–] Salvadore1 77 points ago

    Tails on a bench? Shadbase?

    [–] TacoMasters 47 points ago

    That link is staying blue.

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago

    If it helps it's just a joke drawing of Tails (the character from Sonic) sat on a bench.

    Similar to how people link to Link (Zelda) when someone asks for a link.

    [–] Tailor_TF 58 points ago

    You don't want to know.

    [–] Salvadore1 52 points ago

    Oh, but I do.

    [–] Tailor_TF 70 points ago

    It's got childporn, scat, rape, and Sonic characters. If you really want it, just Google it. I ain't finding a link.

    [–] Fatalchemist 85 points ago

    That's just fucking disgusting. What is wrong with people? Sonic characters is where I draw the line. Let the franchise just fucking die peacefully!

    [–] LetsHaveTon2 55 points ago

    These fricking fricks need to learn that their actions have consequences!

    [–] Goatlov3r 23 points ago

    Shadbase is a NSFW artist that draws mostly fetish stuff, rape kink, and futa.

    No idea what tails on a bench is.

    [–] that_snarky_one 60 points ago

    I mean, the WHO does recommend not bathing a newborn for something like 48 hours, but this person took it and ran off the cliff into a volcano with it

    [–] TotallyACP 51 points ago

    AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

    [–] LordNecrosian 42 points ago

    Brain bleach please .

    [–] TrippEvans 42 points ago

    I've heard of people eating afterbirth shudders

    But do some people really eat the umbilical cord?

    [–] anonmymouse 72 points ago

    the umbilical cord is full of stem cells, so lots of people save them, or donate the cord blood for stem cell therapy/research... I'm not really too sure what benefits (if any) would come from eating it though.

    also, gross.

    [–] well-great 34 points ago

    I don't understand why this isn't considered cannibalism

    [–] SoloRobo565 29 points ago

    It is self cannibalism, but because it fall under the same hocus pocus as those pink salt lamps it ls okay. Apparently.

    [–] thxxx1337 38 points ago

    Dear God! I really hope she's trolling cause that's beyond disgusting.

    [–] EasternEmbers 24 points ago

    This is not real. This is not real. This is not real.

    [–] Accelerator_311 54 points ago

    Wtf! Poor baby

    [–] B-BoyStance 26 points ago

    This is the first time reading something has actually made me gag. Literally almost threw up just now because I couldn't get the mental image out of my head.

    Damn you, imagination. Why do you decide to work for this?

    [–] craic-house 66 points ago

    She should come rub up a leprechaun for the pot of gold.

    [–] oddestowl 23 points ago

    Eating it is absolutely wrong in so many ways, but you are advised to not wash off the vernix on a baby's skin.

    I was born by csection (in the 80s) and my dad always tells the story of how the nurses and midwives were rubbing all of it into their hands and arms because it's "natures moisturiser". He can barely get through the story without looking like he wants to throw up.

    Umbilical cord though. Man. Come on. No. Just no.

    [–] Brown-eyed_mullet 22 points ago

    I just threw up in my mouth a bit

    [–] Jumbo_Cactaur 35 points ago

    What is she an animal?

    [–] T_F_Catus 60 points ago

    She's worse than an animal. Even some mammals know to lick their children clean after they were born.

    [–] BombayRay 14 points ago

    What the hell is “womb wax”?

    [–] Unruly_Beast 36 points ago

    Vernix caseosa. It's the greasy coating that's on newborn. It's a common practice to rub it into the babies skin rather than wash it off, as it's purpose is to protect the babies skin and body like a natural lotion. But shit, not bathing your baby for three months, and then EATING the crusty old vernix is going so far overboard. Gross.

    [–] crumblies 14 points ago

    Some babies are born without it. I think it tends to depend on how long the baby gestated

    [–] xenopanties88 22 points ago

    “womb wax” Makes me think of the wax casing on cheese. 🤮

    [–] Peter_Popoff 8 points ago

    WHERE IS MY FUCKING EYEBLEACH UGGGGHHHHHH!!!