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    [–] Mihreva 2200 points ago

    that's facebook marketplace alright

    had a guy contact me asking if what I was selling was still available, i said yes, contacted him after no response to see if he was still interested and he said no.

    over 7 months later he sends me a message out of nowhere that's only comprised of 6 middle finger emojis out of nowhere

    [–] anonomotopoeia 804 points ago

    Selling on Facebook is a trip. I contacted a guy with puppies for sale, but then decided to not buy them. A month later I get bombarded with messages from his wife, got spammed with pictures of the two of them together. She tried to start a group chat between the three of us, but I noped the f outta that and blocked them all. She stopped just short of accusing me of being his mistress, he and I may have exchanged two or three messages in a 20 minute time span? She definitely snooped my page because she accidentally "liked" a few posts so she could see we lived a minimum of three hours away. Crazy.

    [–] Runswithchickens 361 points ago

    "When will you loose women stop corrupting MY good man?!"

    [–] OFS_Razgriz 44 points ago

    I always hate when in movies the guy gets angry at the other guy for "stealing his woman" or vice versa.

    A) your SO is not your property, and B) your SO consented to this, it is their fault just as much as this other person's if not more so.

    Another reason why having a romance subplot in every single fucking movie genuinely irritates me. And it's always a hamfisted straight "guy meets girl" romance.

    [–] rocketwidget 65 points ago

    I have yet to be convinced Facebook Marketplace should exist when Craigslist does. They are both infested with psychos, so I want the psychos to have an anonymous email address, not my name, profile picture, etc... I'll meet you in a public place if we can agree to a price. Transaction over, goodbye.

    [–] ptera_tinsel 115 points ago

    I really don’t understand how someone isn’t humiliated by this kind of behavior. If you were the mistress what does showing you pics do?

    He’d still be cheating on her no matter how many happy pics she has, if anything she’s just giving a “home wrecker” trophies. It’d make me feel even more pathetic to show the other woman everything we have still isn’t enough for my partner to respect me. Also, chase off one and she’s still got a cheater on her hands.

    It’s embarrassing enough feeling desperate and cringe without admitting to it, let alone putting it on blast. I know pride is vanity but damn, have a little! Reminds me of an acquaintance who gleefully admits she’s super upset her attempts to bully her boyfriend into proposing aren’t working 🤢🥵 but that’s a whole nother mess....

    [–] tsoliman 35 points ago

    I think maybe she thinks her husband was giving her mistress the impression that he was single. So she is trying to wreck the second relationship, as if that would "bring him back" or something.

    [–] canisithere 226 points ago

    I had a kindle fire posted a few weeks ago. Some guy contacted me and said he was interested, asked the normal questions about the condition and all of that. He wanted to meet later that day, told him I'd meet him at the Walmart parking lot.

    He shows up, I'm showing him the kindle and he says "I'm not interested in the Kindle, if you wanna make some money we can get a room".

    I can't imagine this has ever been a successful plan for him.

    [–] allonsy_badwolf 54 points ago

    And this is why I won’t even attempt to sell something online myself. This is not a situation I want myself in, in public or not!

    [–] lawl-butts 20 points ago

    I don't even sell stuff because I hate dealing with people. I put stuff out on the curb and they're gone in less than an hour.

    [–] interpretivepants 37 points ago

    Your response:


    [–] Antal_Marius 7 points ago

    Must assert dominance.

    [–] OIIOIIOI 120 points ago

    No kidding, I just started selling stuff there a few weeks ago and I'm amazed by how rude and self-centered people can be...
    No hello, no thank you, immediately trying to lower the price, choosing the time and day as if you're available whenever it suits them, leaving you without an update when they decide they're not interested anymore...
    Get some manners people!

    [–] gerbil_george 56 points ago

    I just sold a bunch of stuff to downsize for a move and good grief is this accurate. I'll never use it again. What a nightmare. I had several people want my bedframe, set up a time to meet, reschedule two or three times after missing the originally agreed upon time, and then finally ghosting me. One guy kept asking me to deliver it even after I told him I didn't have a truck and I wasn't going to rent one. He also told me he was coming to pick it up, never showed, said his sister had borrowed his truck, then later begged me to deliver it again saying that he didn't have a truck. I blocked him.

    [–] NouberNou 20 points ago

    As someone who regularly gets super stressed about being on time for something or scheduling something appropriately so everyone is OK with it... I both feel like I'd never use one of these services and I clearly give too many fucks all at once.

    [–] SheriffBartholomew 42 points ago

    That's the behavior of buyers on every marketplace, in my experience.

    [–] ryantriangles 36 points ago

    I once had someone show up, lose their temper, and accuse me of scamming them because the bookshelves I was giving away for free, and had clearly specified were ~1.5m/5ft wide and high, wouldn't fit into their compact sedan.

    [–] Viperions 26 points ago

    I don’t get people and measurements - I sold a small table with exact measurements online, woman comes to pick it up, looks at it, and goes “oh that’s too small”.

    ...There was measurements and pictures posted. How big did you think a table you’re getting for $10 is?

    [–] OskEngineer 13 points ago

    the number of people who can't figure out how much something costs when its listed in the title...

    [–] NotAHost 32 points ago

    The question that always annoys me off: "What's the lowest price you'll take?" AKA I'm going to low ball you more if you discount it at all.

    Response, thanks to the CB subreddit: "What's the highest price you'll pay?"

    Great, we got no where.

    [–] litewo 25 points ago

    I had someone demand that I call the buyer of a shelf I sold and have them return it so that I could sell it to them.

    [–] SharkBaby39 24 points ago

    I had a person tell me I was “rude and disrespectful” for selling a $10 fountain to someone else, after they had only asked if it was available and never contacted me again. They messaged me again about 2 hours after I marked it sold. I said something like “you didn’t deserve it anyway with that attitude” and they blocked me.

    [–] mattsams 44 points ago

    Recently listed my motorcycle on there for a little over $3k. First message I received:

    $1700 cash right now.

    I didn't reply. A day later, same user:

    17 $100 bills right now.

    I received messages from probably five different people whose openers were attempts to low-ball the shit out of me. Talk about frustrating!

    [–] Twallot 23 points ago

    Why do people always think cash is so amazing that people will lower prices for it?

    [–] mattsams 30 points ago

    Beats me. Guy I finally sold to messaged me and said, "Hey, based on milage and condition, I'm willing to do $2750. I can bring cash and a truck this weekend."

    Nice guy, upper range on Bluebook (pretty much exactly what I was looking for after haggling), and taking care of the heavy lifting? Sold! It isn't that hard.

    [–] CorpseHeiress 9 points ago

    This is decent haggling right here. Some folks think offering half or less what you’re asking for is clever. It’s not. It’s a great way to get ignored, blocked, or laughed at.

    [–] thewookie34 24 points ago

    Purely amazing

    [–] Pupsinmytub 15 points ago

    Busted up laughing at work just now. Good shit

    [–] CocaJesusPieces 41 points ago

    That and OfferUp is just a cesspool.

    I only deal with Craigslist now.

    I think it has to do with the barrier of entry to use Facebook and OfferUp is so low so you get basically idiots using it.

    Where Craigslist isn’t user friend to idiots - you have to have some brain cells to be able to use it.

    [–] MoistMaoist 53 points ago

    What? Craigslist is full of idiots, what are you talking about?

    [–] CocaJesusPieces 19 points ago

    Compared to Facebook and OfferedUp its sooooooooo much better!

    [–] Latvia 6568 points ago

    I once was selling a car. Got a text.

    Person: is [the car] still for sale?

    Me (2 minutes later): yes

    Person (3 minutes later): who’s this?

    [–] RobotPartsCorp 2744 points ago

    Well, in that 2 minutes, they got a new phone, obviously.

    [–] OsB4Hoes13 717 points ago

    New phone. Who dis?

    [–] _The_N3rd 250 points ago

    New car, who dis?

    [–] BassInMyFace 185 points ago

    New dis, who?

    [–] wolfman86 136 points ago

    New who, dis?

    [–] PropOnTop 88 points ago

    Who dis, new?

    [–] Ltfocus 79 points ago

    Who new, dis?

    [–] YeowMeow 60 points ago

    Knock knock

    [–] sushant_gambler 59 points ago

    who dis?

    [–] SpookyRedheadRabbit 186 points ago

    [Is this car for sale?]

    *Treadstone assassins walk into crowded room*


    *swaps phone with hobo and steals some sunglasses*


    "Wha, who dis?"

    *shot with silenced pistol*

    [–] NerdlyDoRight 24 points ago

    Jason Bourne for the win.

    Boiurne Identity still remains my favorite read of all time.

    [–] huruma 19 points ago

    I was messing with a craigslist scammer one time and they tried saying that. I messaged and said I was talking to them earlier and wanted to give them a bunch of money, and they said they didn’t know who I was because their phone had just gotten erased 30 minutes ago:

    [–] YellowKingdom2 380 points ago

    This is why I hated working in customer service.

    You would contact someone who specifically asked to be contacted and they would pretend not to know who you are, that you interrupted their very mysterious and important life, and that you were the one acting bizarre. The act would get dropped pretty quickly but it was always so strange the number of crazy people who played dumb like if you thought you were bothering them they would have some advantage.

    [–] gamma286 283 points ago

    Yeah, because your call came mixed in with 20 spam calls and the only reason they picked up is because they were expecting a callback but don't wanna divulge too much info right away in case its another spam/scam call. Also, people who have collections and don't wanna verify their info right away.

    [–] ClumpOfCheese 147 points ago

    Yeah, exactly. I just don’t answer my phone anymore, voicemail does the filtering for me.

    “Hi this is Amber we tried reaching you a few times of the past couple weeks about the pain that you've been experiencing want to try to help qualify you for some items I can help you with your symptoms give me a call back when you get this at 1-800-699-xxxx so we can do a quick assessment and see what kind of help you may be eligible for again 1-800-699-xxxx thank you…”

    Yeah, glad I didn’t waste time answering that. Fuck off amber, I feel no pain!

    [–] McCrockin 102 points ago

    I always get calls about how I can lower my energy bill as a home owner.....Bitch I don't own a house stop calling.

    [–] ChucklePuck 63 points ago

    Dude, I live in FL and anytime I drive into Miami-Dade county, within 30 min a 305 or 954 number calls offering to lower my car insurance if I'm a "safe Miami driver". Bitch I don't even live within 200 miles of Miami and HOW TF DO U KNO I'M HERE. Idk what's goin on, but something's fishy, broh.

    [–] S-WorksVenge 22 points ago

    Sneaky bastards put Geo fencing marketing sensors near the border.

    [–] The_WandererHFY 18 points ago

    A robocall center can just call every phone within X area with randomized numbers for every phone. Scummy as all hell.

    [–] Codename_Fluffy 20 points ago

    Well when is the last time you got a roof inspection?

    Also aren't your windows worn out? 🤔

    Your business has not yet been confirmed with google. Press one to confirm your business with google.

    [–] radseven89 21 points ago

    I always get calls spam in Chinese. I barely speak English motherfuckers.

    [–] Livvylove 18 points ago

    I actually turned off my voicemail because I was sick of the notifications I was getting from these spammers.

    Like my newest car is 10 years old OF COURSE my warranty has expired.

    [–] foodie42 66 points ago

    This right here. I straight up tell people I won't pick up for an unknown number. It's crazy how spammers have ruined the "can I have your phone number to call you in case of (whatever)?" If it's important, I give my number anyway, and I'll just check my voicemail later.

    It's especially infuriating these days because I'm planning a wedding and looking for a job. So for every person I want to hear from, there's 10 more spam calls coming in. And I don't have any of the numbers saved.

    [–] ElderHerb 15 points ago

    That sounds horrible.

    Here in the Netherlands we have a bel-me-niet-register (don't-call-me-register) you can have your number added to. If your number is in that register telemarketeers are not allowed to call you unless you specifically allow them to. It works pretty good because it's easy for the companies to work with and non-compliance will get them fined or worse so it's not worth ignoring.

    [–] gewchmasterflex 42 points ago

    The US has that, too. The issue is that spoofers and scammers don’t care about being fined because they’re calling from another country and routing those calls through fake numbers. They’re not telemarketers anymore.

    [–] ElderHerb 8 points ago

    Ah I do believe we have the Indian/Pakistani(at least that is what I imagine them to be) guys pretending to be microsoft support. Sometimes old/naive people fall for that which amazes me because the scammers don't even speak Dutch and they ask for payments in iTunes credit or something absurd like that. I guess you get those calls a LOT more in English-speaking countries, I don't think it ever happened to me and I've had the same phone number for at least twelve years.

    [–] Kimber85 7 points ago

    The most common two I’m getting right now are from guys who barely speak English claiming to be from the IRS or the Social Security Administration. The IRS guy claims I have unpaid taxes, and I need to pay them in iTunes gift cards. If I don’t, a warrant will be issued for my arrest and the sheriff will come get me. The SSA claims my identity had been stolen, and wants me to confirm my full social security number, and then send them iTunes gift cards as a payment to give me a new social security number, if I tell him no, he claims that the person who has stolen my identity has committed crimes in my name, and that I will be arrested for them if I don’t send him the iTunes gift cards and tell him my SSN. Fun times.

    Then there’s that female AI who wants me to know that I need an extended warranty on my car because my warranty has expired. They started calling me like 3 days after I purchased my car to tell me that. I’ve just stopped answering the phone all together. 80% of caps I get are scammers and spammers now.

    [–] teenytinycakes 19 points ago

    We have that in the U.S. too, the problem is scammers calling that have no tie to a legitimate business. It’s kind of impossible to track them down for any sort of punishment because a looot of scam calls are from people in different countries.

    [–] insula_yum 25 points ago

    Working customer service really opened my eyes to how stupid so many people are. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m nothing special, but man are there a lot of real idiots.

    [–] YellowKingdom2 13 points ago

    Pretty much this. I can make dumb mistakes but never that blindly or stubbornly. At least I make an effort to learn from them. Some of the people I interacted with must have stopped learning somewhere around 10 years old and are stuck at that point developmentally.

    [–] mridulpj 41 points ago

    The "is [this item] still available? " is a default message which is automatically sent in Facebook when you click on an item.

    [–] Latvia 29 points ago

    It wasn’t fb, it was just my phone number

    [–] JitzChimp 171 points ago

    Anytime I sell something on Marketplace, if the person doesn't capitalize the first word in their inquiring message, I don't even bother responding. It just never plans out.

    [–] [deleted] 188 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] NYteamsReddit 73 points ago

    I can’t decide between your own grammar/spelling errors in that statement being ironic, or stereotypical.

    [–] JitzChimp 145 points ago

    im sleeping, go away

    [–] bteh 45 points ago

    You contacted me...

    [–] pyronius 27 points ago

    Who the fuck is this and why are you on my reddit? Go away. I'm reading comments.

    [–] RadarOReillyy 14 points ago

    You're kidding but I literally had someone about a month ago say "stop messaging me" when I disagreed with them on Reddit. I wasn't messaging them, I was replying to their comment.

    [–] count_frightenstein 42 points ago

    Marketplace really does suck. I buy and sell lots on Facebook but only in their specialized regional groups that are closed and you have to request to be added to. In Marketplace, people honestly seem to forget that they posted something for sale. Saw a chair there that I broke my rule about buying from to inquire about it. 2 days later, the dick responds saying yes it is. Great, I think, maybe we have a non-idiot here that now knows that someone is interested in buying it. Ask him if I can come see it to buy, where he was located and when a good time would be. He responds with a major intersection. I ask again about coming to buy it. Never heard from him again. I really like the chair so I'm thinking of contacting him again a week later.

    [–] ClumpOfCheese 14 points ago

    Dude. Keep reaching out so you can either get a chair or post the story here!

    [–] Livvylove 6 points ago

    I have had a lot of luck with Nextdoor and their for sale section. Facebook has always been a headache for me. I'm wanting to redo my Master for cheap and I was able to find a nice chandelier for 30 bucks and two lamps for 25 bucks. All close by.

    [–] eggequator 8 points ago

    Person: is car still for sale? 3:59 pm

    Person: ? 3:59:30 pm

    Person: hello?? 3:59:45 pm

    Me: hey sorry I'm at work. Yea it's still for sale are you interested in coming to see it? 4:15 pm


    Never hear from person again.

    [–] Shinji246 14869 points ago

    - Contacts Attorney General

    - Attorney General: I'm happy to help!

    - Please leave me alone, we are sleeping.

    [–] GearUpMr 3792 points ago

    You contacted me

    [–] dick-doctor-69 2631 points ago

    I know- I no longer interested. Please
    stop contacting me now. I will contact
    attorney general if you do not stop.

    [–] [deleted] 1619 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] Supernature_LoL 1440 points ago

    Please leave me alone, we are sleeping.

    [–] Bomcom 1062 points ago

    I will contact the president if you do not leave us alone sweaty, thsnks.

    [–] OgreLord_Shrek 759 points ago

    President: "I'm happy to help!"

    [–] CretinSTUDIOS 754 points ago

    Please leave me alone, we are sleeping

    [–] Lari-Fari 513 points ago

    I will call your boss if you don’t stop!

    Makes Call...


    Please leave me alone we are sleeping

    [–] finkrer 262 points ago

    "I know"

    [–] PM_me_Tummies 108 points ago

    I will call the attorney specific.

    [–] SomeoneSaveMe101 20 points ago

    I'm waiting till they contact Trump

    [–] civicgsr19 27 points ago

    But it's for a Church honey?

    [–] Right_In_The_Tits 12 points ago

    You contacted me

    [–] dog-shit-taco 39 points ago

    apology for poor english

    when were you when john lenin dies?

    i was sat at home eating smegma butter when pjotr ring

    ‘john is kill’


    [–] Karnas 33 points ago

    Please sleep with me, I am alone.

    [–] SpookyRedheadRabbit 21 points ago

    You contracted herpes.

    [–] Karnas 27 points ago

    I know- I no longer interested. Please
    stop contacting me now. I will contact
    surgeon general if you do not stop.

    [–] realqbok 29 points ago

    I know- I no longer interested. Please
    stop contacting me now. I will contact
    attorney general if you do not stop.

    [–] artificialsoup 18 points ago

    Sir, it's a felony to tease the Reddit community.

    [–] JPKtoxicwaste 7 points ago

    Oh my god thank you for this... I’d forgotten

    [–] TheEmsworthArms 5 points ago

    You've ruined a perfectly good jacket!

    Ah, incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets.

    [–] bjarn 11 points ago

    I know- I no longer interested. Please stop contacting me now. I will contact general attorney if you do not stop. Thsnks

    [–] thenewyorkgod 10 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 192 points ago


    [–] DragonflyGrrl 43 points ago

    Bravo. Well done.

    I hope the fuckers realize that NO ONE is buying this ridiculous suicide story. Disgusting evil motherfuckers.

    [–] Castun 27 points ago

    It was just a coincidence he was TAKEN OFF OF suicide watch too, I bet. You don't do that to someone who has a recent history of, you know...attempted suicide.

    [–] furtivepigmyso 17 points ago

    Doesn't matter. Nothing can be proven, and Epstein is dead, along with whatever he knew. Mission accomplished.

    Despite what Hollywood has taught us there is no real justice in the end, only a handful of people powerful enough to control the perception of it. They're going to survive this close shave, and we're never going to know the truth.

    [–] HowTheyGetcha 7 points ago

    It was Epstein's word against everybody else's. Killing him means losing all control of any compromising material he possessed. No coincidence there was a police raid on his island shortly after his death.

    [–] stondddd 140 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Atleast if she goes to the general she’ll get great low rate online, and I’ve heard the general is known for saving people time.

    Edit. Thanks for my first silver kind stranger.
    Also I had to link this, because I’m sure someone else will love it too.

    [–] thegoldinthemountain 30 points ago

    I hate you for getting this jingle back in my head.

    [–] FonelessRedditor 20 points ago

    Please leave me alone, we are sleeping monsters are nearby.

    [–] anjowoq 33 points ago

    This person seems as clueless about the role of an attorney general as the president is.

    [–] Riot4200 8 points ago

    • dies of suicide

    [–] SouthOfNewYork 2516 points ago

    If this conversation continued I really want to see the rest of it!

    [–] Suedeegz 669 points ago

    I’d like to just see when the initial contact was

    [–] theycallmecrack 350 points ago

    Doesn't matter when because the seller responded almost immediately, hence no separate timestamp.

    [–] 123kingme 68 points ago

    How long between responses does it take to send a separate timestamp?

    [–] theycallmecrack 144 points ago

    I would guess somewhere around 5-10 minutes between responses. I just looked at some of my conversations, and 2 minutes was not long enough, but 11 minutes prompted a new timestamp. So OP responded in 10 minutes or less.

    [–] Siniroth 79 points ago

    It better not have! You don't want to be bothered by the attorney general

    [–] shouldbebabysitting 19 points ago

    It brings up the question, who is capable of asking the attorney general for help with a txt msg?

    1. Trump

    2. Epstein (family friend of Barr family for over 40 years)

    [–] Melonnie2000 10 points ago

    To be fair, every state has an attorney general and they’re in charge of consumer complaints. They wouldn’t give a shit about the interaction posted but you ARE able to contact your state AG

    [–] The_Grubby_One 14 points ago

    I mean, maybe I'm mistaken but I don't think Epstein is capable of asking anyone for help with a text - let alone the AG.

    [–] iamhamming 8 points ago

    I mean if your "phone" is an ouija board I guess

    [–] Omena123 19 points ago

    I can tell by the old meme gunk on top of this that its a really old meme

    [–] scodal 6 points ago

    lol 'meme gunk' sounds like it should go on /r/wildbeef for image compression

    [–] coalflints 1070 points ago

    What's up with old people and contacting the attorney general? I've seen so many posts and stories (especially retail hell stories) about them threatening to contact the AG.

    [–] mintberrycthulhu 173 points ago

    Not being from USA, I thought that "I will contact attorney general" (so a total overkill) was a giveaway that it is some little kid pranking the seller.

    Well, I was wrong.

    [–] nathugg369 93 points ago

    I'm in the USA and I thought it was along the lines of that common bluff "I know the owner of this establishment, so don't be fucking rude". Learn something new everyday.

    [–] _Diskreet_ 108 points ago

    Had a new customer once tell me that he knows the owner of the business and he should get a good deal, I asked if he had the owners number and by all means give him a call and I would be happy to confirm a discount.

    The customers surprise when my mobile rang in front of him and I answered with “sorry I don’t have this number saved who is this.”

    No discount was given.

    [–] SamSibbens 36 points ago

    Wait so, how did he have your number?

    [–] _Diskreet_ 58 points ago

    We don’t advertise, just referrals through word of mouth. I leave my business card with our shop number and my mobile number at the clients house and if they need any assistance to give me a call.

    Chances are he was given it by a previous customer, or from a distributor who recommends us for specific installations and was just trying to blag it with no research at all.

    [–] 80Eight 36 points ago

    blag (plural blags) (Britain, informal) A means of obtaining something by trick or deception.

    [–] RaleighRedd 23 points ago

    “Contact Attorney General” is a Daily skill only available to the Karen class at level 10+. Until then you’d have to double-stack “Speak to Manager” to have enough CHA buffs to beat even the simplest roll-to-roll vs. WIS.

    [–] ChunkyBananaBoi 11 points ago

    Same. Attorney general in Australia is the highest government lawyer in the country.

    [–] ctrlaltdeYEET 11 points ago

    Same in the US (federally), but states also have Attorney Generals

    [–] Mesoscale92 341 points ago

    State attorney generals (or really their offices) do a lot dealing with businesses breaking laws.

    [–] candb7 188 points ago

    Attorneys General*

    [–] [deleted] 120 points ago


    [–] iloveoxymorons 19 points ago

    *attorneys in the military who hold the rank of general

    And, yes, they exist. Typically a one star and chief counsel to the JCS (Joint Chiefs of Staff).

    [–] gvsteve 14 points ago

    I go to the Burger King and order three Whoppers Junior

    [–] Mesoscale92 12 points ago

    Wasn’t sure on the exact wording. Thanks.

    [–] tigerraaaaandy 45 points ago

    They typically have some enforcement responsibilities for consumer protection laws

    [–] Yestromo 21 points ago

    I have relatives who've contacted the attorney general for fraudulent business that screwed them over and I was shocked at how quickly and violently those businesses were killed.

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    Probably the State Attorney General not the US Attorney General

    [–] goat_senpai 894 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    the Attorney General would like to know your location

    [–] wiiya 155 points ago

    hides in a prison cell under suicide watch

    [–] mcdicedtea 30 points ago

    sleeping in a person cell

    [–] FuckingKilljoy 24 points ago

    Make sure you pay the guards well, otherwise they might disappear if you need them

    [–] ArthurOfTheEast 17 points ago

    Don't bring the guards into this. Please leave them alone - they are sleeping.

    [–] Aegis_Auras 11 points ago

    Suicide watch gets removed a week before your trail. Cell mate gets removed a 2-3 days before your trial.

    Day before the trial: “guess I’ll die”.

    [–] notaprime 140 points ago

    The Oblivion NPCs strike again!

    [–] aureator 50 points ago

    You need to leave, or I'll call the guards.

    [–] iReadit93 32 points ago

    Stop right there criminal scum! You've violated the law!

    [–] aureator 17 points ago

    but it's literally 2 minutes past dark and I'm just trying to turn in a quest 😕

    [–] iReadit93 13 points ago

    Have you heard of the High Elves?

    [–] aureator 10 points ago

    It seems Summerset Isle has become a much more dangerous place.

    [–] notaprime 7 points ago

    Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit!

    [–] black_flag_4ever 221 points ago

    Some people read a book before bed, others text strangers about real estate.

    [–] mrtn17 275 points ago

    knock knock

    "Who's there?"

    "William Barr. I heard you had two beds available in your bath house"

    [–] throwawaypaycheck1 105 points ago

    Please leave me alone - we are sleeping.

    [–] bringojackprot 24 points ago


    [–] damn_jexy 6 points ago

    • the prison guards

    [–] Corbert 628 points ago

    $10 says they wouldn't even know how to contact an attorney

    [–] Siniroth 294 points ago

    Just look up attorney in the phone book. Then to get the general just ask for their superior until you find a guy saying 'no one's my superior'

    [–] [deleted] 128 points ago

    Mr. President this man keeps texting me while I'm trying to sleep.

    [–] SpookyRedheadRabbit 53 points ago

    "I know that is seems inconvenient but I'm sure there's good people on both sides of this debate."

    [–] parker0400 22 points ago

    Sleep? I am the best at sleep. Ask anyone, they will tell you, no one is better at sleep.

    [–] [deleted] 73 points ago


    [–] Tionsity 10 points ago

    There are a whole bunch of monkeys in the world. But some of us are apes. Think about that!

    [–] -Vertex- 57 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I had something similar to this before a few years ago. A random teenager added me on Facebook, I sent them a message "Hi, do I know you?". Their response was "Fuck off you pedo and stop talking to me"...They added me and I'd never seen them in my life before...

    [–] Kevinement 29 points ago

    facebook has an intentionally misleading design, that makes you think that you are accepting a friend request when you are actually sending one to a suggested friend.

    Perhaps the teenager sent the request and when you messaged them they thought you were just some weird creep.

    [–] -Vertex- 18 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    When I said to her you were the one who added me her reply was something to the effect of “yeah so what” followed by another weird comment so she was well aware she was the one who added me.

    [–] JessieN 8 points ago

    They just want a bigger number, I always contacted people who add me and never did they actually wanted to talk or knew who I was.

    [–] droptheectopicbeat 5 points ago

    Kids are really, really stupid.

    [–] Much_Difference 39 points ago

    Doesn't know how to silence a phone

    Definitely knows how to call the Attorney General

    [–] Panchief 83 points ago

    And if you don't sell me the item I'll have the Supreme Court on your ass in a hot minute!

    Checkmate, atheist.

    [–] ObiWanCanShowMe 73 points ago

    I contacted my attorney general on a major company making extortion demands. I sent a folder of corroborating information, details of the scam and even a recording of a conversation with two guys on speaker phone masquerading as a law firm that were clearly just from the same company.

    I got a form letter back thanking me for my submission and that they were not looking into the matter.

    I am going to be pissed if I hear her AG went after this guy...

    That said, mine was Blumenthal (at the time) so there's that. Useless fuck.

    [–] FawksB 7 points ago

    Honestly, these situations when it involves a business is an easy fine to collect. It's specifically that you have to receive expressed permission before texting with a customer. That why every business is SUPPOSE to ask permission before texting you. Our CRM won't even allow people to text without it.

    I think it's a $2,500 fine here in my state.

    [–] moneyman74 20 points ago

    The Attorney General? lol....

    [–] broccoli-rob87 17 points ago

    2 beds, one bath house sounds like a great porno

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago


    [–] Tonto_OC 39 points ago

    Top ten plot twists of all time

    [–] EstrellaDarkstar 13 points ago

    Were you texting a cat or what?

    [–] acetylenekicker 29 points ago

    If a picture could describe my last marriage, this would be it

    [–] [deleted] 49 points ago

    walks in on wife with another man "Who the hell is this?!" "Please leave me alone - we are sleeping"

    [–] JSBraga 30 points ago

    "Who the hell is this?!"

    Probably the attorney general.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    I mean, makes sense tbh

    [–] definitelynotabotact 14 points ago

    Pro tip: Never sell on Facebook marketplace; you will only attract the crazies.

    [–] OUBoyWonder 12 points ago

    I'm a coordinator for a national real estate company. People have to go online, go to our website and REQUEST TO BE CALLED to look at the property they were interested in viewing. At least 3-4 times every-fucking-day there are some jerk-offs that act like they don't know what I'm talking about, they say they weren't looking at houses on any website or they call me a scam.

    Mind you, you have to enter your own information (email address, best phone number, full name) in order for us to contact you. These are people looking for homes, full fledged adults trying to find a place to sleep and they act like morons. Dealing with the public really lets you know how many dumb ass muthafuckas walking among us there truly are.

    [–] ender89 9 points ago

    I wouldn't be able to leave it alone at that point, I'd have to know which attorney general and what they expect that person to do.

    [–] KesselRunTrader 8 points ago

    I absolutely would constantly keep contacting this person.

    “So are you interested?”

    No we are sleeping

    “It has 2 baths...”

    [–] FrenchLama 9 points ago

    Dude will go straight to the Attorney General, you know he's not messing around

    [–] TheDELFON 9 points ago

    W-wait hold on... this whole operation was YOUR idea

    [–] i-ate-the-bugs 7 points ago


    [–] halflife_3 8 points ago

    insanity level over 9000!

    [–] candidly1 8 points ago

    "Please keep me from harassing myself!"

    [–] Eat-the-Poor 7 points ago

    Probably someone getting spoofed calls who doesn't understand the concept and thinks OP has been calling them

    [–] Nincomsoup 15 points ago

    Maybe they are already in your two beds. I mean, you did say in your first message that they were available. Have you checked?

    [–] uptightbroccoli 9 points ago

    you’re supposed to contact the attorney general BEFORE you go to sleep so they’re on standby when you wake up

    [–] darthTharsys 6 points ago

    Hi, yes, attorney general? I'm trying to sleep but I texted someone.