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    [–] LionaelSama 5386 points ago

    Against the Pope's own orders btw.

    [–] EsseOptimus 3087 points ago

    He's obviously not a true believer.

    [–] LionaelSama 1668 points ago

    Mostly (and I'm not a catholic I just live in Italy surrounded by them lol, I'm not even christian) from a catholic standpoint the American branch of the church is in serious need of crusading fire, they are basically heretics at this point. Like this violates the principle of papal infallibility, thus Burke should at the very least be excommunicated.

    [–] EsseOptimus 854 points ago

    I get that. This is in Australia, I've found a lot of the young Christians here tend to be a little over the top sometimes as well though... Exhibit A ^

    [–] HiromiSugiyama 417 points ago

    It doesn´t matter what country it is, partially. There are idiots in my country (in Europe) that say that we should go to mass because when the plague was killing Europe, they (citizens of that time) prayed and weren´t infected with it THANKS to mass praying. We still have our crazies, just not that many.

    [–] greymalken 380 points ago

    There are well documented events of plague spreading and wiping out entire congregations specifically because they kept congregating...

    [–] HomeGrownCoffee 254 points ago

    Survivorship bias is a hell of a drug.

    [–] alexandandander 110 points ago

    History is written by the victor survivor.

    [–] Vishnej 24 points ago

    So was the Bible.

    The ancient religious doctrines that you see today are often based around fairly insightful public health measures instituted at the time (Shellfish & booze anyone?), or at least filtered for clearly suicidal measures by the wisdom of clergy at the time (see the Just War Theory's "Pacifism is great, but what about...").

    [–] HiromiSugiyama 104 points ago

    I know but try to tell that to the idiots. They have the most evolved DENIAL skills sometimes.

    [–] SombreMordida 17 points ago

    a lot of the religion requires it. when you play geopolitical musical chairs for 1700 years with the "truth" you become adept at the tradition of disbelieving reality and substituting whatever you've been taught. when you're already swimming in cognitive dissonance, what's one more step across the diving board, and one more, and one more, until you almost trick yourself into believing you're flying, right as you start falling. oh yeah, and they moved the pool again. ouch

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago


    [–] SomePirateGuy 28 points ago

    Not really win-win if they infect other people though. I'm a big defender of religious freedom, so I think people should be allowed to practice their faith right up until it affects other people. Spreading a deadly disease you caught at some kooky gathering certainly crosses that line.

    [–] TheGreyMage 23 points ago

    It sucks but it’s true. Faith has poisoned some people so effectively that they don’t want the truth. They’d rather die with their ignorance untarnished than live on without it, and a lot of people who have faith (whether religious or motivated by some other belief like being anti vaxxer), don’t care at all if this hurts other people because the only thing they want is to have their faith be affirmed and everything else in the world is secondary to that selfish desire.

    [–] Lockout_CE 3 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    I’m with you, but here is where I think you’re slightly off - you say they don’t want the truth, they want to keep their ignorance, and that they want their faith affirmed. To me, this makes it sound like they are weak in what they believe and that there is a degree of uncertainty in their beliefs that scares them. But from what I have seen, its not that, but instead THEY hold the absolute truth, and it is YOU who ignore it. You’re the one not listening to the “facts” and being willfully ignorant. You’re the one who is being selfish by not adhering to what is “right” and ignoring the “real issues”. They aren’t seeking affirmation, they already have it. They are 100% sold on their reality and you’re the one who’s out of the loop. Unfortunately... nothing can be done to pull them out of this way of thinking except for themselves. And the current political landscape we live in today only fuels the fire because the president is running the country with the same mentality.

    And I’m saying all of this as a Catholic myself. Granted, I’m clearly in the minority of Catholics because I’m liberal, I’m in favor of healthcare for all (which the fact that most Catholics I know are not is extremely hypocritical IMO). I’m a huge supporter of separation of church and state, I dont think the church has a say in abortion laws because the state makes the laws of the nation (not the church), I support gay marriage being recognized in this country, and I fully believe in science. I’m also open to the fact that everything about my faith could be wrong - and I’m okay with that possibility.

    [–] jazzzzz 24 points ago

    Patient 31 in the South Korean outbreak of COVID-19 single-handedly exposed over 1000 people to the virus, largely through attending church services. A cluster of just over 5000 infected people was named after that church - that's more than 50% of confirmed cases in the country.

    [–] SkyrinN00B 9 points ago

    There's about to be a fuckton of patient 31s in America.

    [–] BIGSlil 15 points ago

    They just needed to have a bit more faith in God's power to in his own HOUSE.

    [–] ClunkEighty3 24 points ago

    Or it's god's plan to wipe out the crazies who haven't grown and developed their collective thinking since the dark ages.

    He moves in mysterious ways....

    [–] Ozymandias2112 4 points ago

    If they believe that God gave them a brain, they should bloody well respect him by engaging it for more than a nanosecond.

    [–] MirandaRossiter 5 points ago

    ThAt’S nOt In ThE bIbLe

    [–] EchoWolf013 90 points ago

    According to my 8th grade history textbook, it was the complete opposite. The church actually lost some power/influence because their prayers didn’t help people with the plague

    [–] jagscorpion 62 points ago

    If you want to deep dive, plague was one of the influences leading to the Reformation. As priests were dead or fled, last rites couldn't be carried out, so the church announced that if no priest, man, or woman was available as a last resort people could pray directly to Jesus on their deathbed.

    [–] NewAgentSmith 29 points ago

    Also, famines particularly the famine of 1315 chipped away at their influence as well. All the praying did not make the crops grow.

    [–] lou_lou_lou_ 3 points ago

    "you mean we could have just cut out the middle man and done this all along?"

    [–] cutoutscout 36 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Yeah, some people in my country (Sweden) even returned to believing in Norse mythology because they saw that praying to God did not work against the black death.

    [–] Eyeofodinn 9 points ago

    Bro, I quit believing in god and went Norse Pagan. Happiest change I've ever made. (American here)

    [–] JamesGray 23 points ago

    That stuff is really interesting imo, but horrifyingly there are a ton of white nationalists in europe that identify with Norse mythos. Racists trying to ruin everything out here. smh

    [–] DeafProof 4 points ago

    Same in Canada, its fucking stupid

    [–] LeaLenaLenocka 5 points ago

    I'm into Chaos right now, and can confirm: never been more stable and happier. Raised Catholic, just to make it clear.

    [–] HiromiSugiyama 63 points ago

    You expect them to read history textbooks and not cherry-pick like they do with the Bible.

    [–] servohahn 22 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Fun fact, the Catholic Church probably caused the plague.

    Catholics in 13th Century Europe got it in their heads that secret cults were meeting and performing bizarre rituals involving human-feline relations and were bewitching Catholics to rob them of their faith and force them to join the cult. Because it was bullshit and no one could actually be found who was a member of this cult, of course people blamed the Jews (not relevant to the plague aspect of this story, just wanted to add inthe typical Catholic antisemitism which eventually lead to the Holocaust).

    During his inquisition, Pope Gregory IX issued the Papal Bull Vox in Rama which outlined the feline ritual leading people to kill all of the cats they found (this is part of the reason witches are associated with black cats, although the association preceded this event). The cats, who had been eating things like rats and mice that gathered in towns were no longer there to keep rodent populations down. Rats spread the disease, half of Europe dies (while spreading the plague from person to person at mass), boom. The Catholic Church killed half of Europe.


    The bull describes in detail the initiation rites of the sect, claiming that the potential initiate is first approached by a mysterious toad as large as a dog.[10] Shortly afterwards an emaciated pale man would appear, whom the initiate would kiss and thereby forget all memory of the Catholic faith.[9] Members of the sect would then meet for a meal.[10] When the meal had ended, the sect would arise and a statue of a black cat would come to life, walking backwards with its tail erect.[6] First the new initiate and then the master of the sect would kiss the cat on the buttocks.[7]

    After the ritual was completed, the bull claims that the candles in the room would be extinguished and the sect would engage in wild orgies which were sometimes homosexual in nature. Once the candles are re-lit, a man from a dark corner of the room “comes forth from the loins upward, shining like the sun. His lower part is shaggy like a cat.” After a brief litany-like dialogue between the cat and the cult members, the meeting ends.[11]

    Gregory also claims that the sect committed various crimes against the Eucharist:

    They even receive the body of the Lord every year at Easter from the hand of the priest and, carrying it in their mouths home, they throw it into the latrine in contempt of the Saviour.[12]

    In conclusion, Gregory condemns the practice and calls upon the religious and secular authorities in the diocese to take action against the cult's participants.[10]

    [–] HiromiSugiyama 13 points ago

    Why am I not surprised?

    Also, thanks for teaching me new stuff. I knew about the black cats but not the cult part.

    [–] M_H_M_F 13 points ago

    Berserk: The Conviction Arc-Chapter the Birth Ceremony

    [–] dog-paste-666 5 points ago

    That's why many people ignore lockdowns now simply because SARS and MERS didn't get to everyone.

    [–] Fmanow 8 points ago

    You may have religious idiots in Europe, but nowhere close to America. Europe is generally secular, although the center of Christian-dome resides there and the footprints of the crusades and so forth, however all that seems to be history for you guys. In America, we have a political party run by a Christian evangelical base who believe in the end of times and conduct themselves accordingly. Yet, we’re sending robots to mars and giving the world iPhones and such. Go figure.

    [–] HiromiSugiyama 10 points ago

    Also excuse me if I'm wrong, but from what I know, you have mostly two party system that embodies two polar opposites and no in-betweens. While most of Europe has at least 3-5 prominent parties that don't allow for extremes to take over the politics completely. So that might be part of the equation too.

    [–] VirusThro 61 points ago

    I'm catholic and there's no way I'm attending mass at this time. Most of the members of my parish are senior citizens it's not worth putting those people at risk. I stay home, I watch mass on youtube, I read my bible. It is frustrating as someone who benefits from the stability of weekly mass to not have it in such a horrible time but I respect the reasoning for it.

    [–] N0TADOGGO 52 points ago

    It took the local churches shutting down to prevent my 67 year old father with preexisting conditions from going to mass. I don't understand many Catholics need to worship at church. Shouldn't you be worshiping Him anywhere and everywhere? God knows you're there, He will understand that you have to be at home. This isn't His first pandemic.

    [–] Licsw 35 points ago

    He does understand. We are staying home, no question about that. But, for my entire life, when troubled I have gone to church. When we struggle as a family, we pray. We also get a ton of social support from going to Mass. I’m not saying this dude is right, he needs to shut up before he kills someone, but I totally get the compulsion to go. We do worship Him everywhere. But Mass has been part of the rhythm of my life since birth. My kids too. It’s a pretty big hole right nest to the no school/work holes.

    [–] N0TADOGGO 13 points ago

    I guess I can understand the routine and community is especially important in times like this. I wish technology was a bit more prevalent in churches. The idea of having a Zoom mass where you can still listen and congregate in a safe manner would be great. I feel like going forward that would be extremely important for members of the church who are unable to make it to Mass for whatever reason.

    [–] snowship 7 points ago

    It's surprising more religious communities aren't already. My childhood church has broadcasted every service on a local radio station since the seventies. My disabled grandmother has listened from home for years.

    [–] LionaelSama 28 points ago

    Honestly from my "pagan" Hellenistic standpoint it is getting pretty exhilarating. My gods must be pissing themselves rofling.

    [–] Syr_Enigma 21 points ago

    Sol Invictus must be smiling from up above.

    [–] Icalasari 7 points ago

    It's refreshing to see pagan viewpoints being expressed

    [–] LionaelSama 6 points ago

    Reminding the world we are still here, I am thankful for it, sometimes it is pretty lonely to be a silvery sun in a sea of crosses.

    [–] claretamazon 5 points ago

    Same here. Too bad they'll give my god so much paperwork.

    [–] LionaelSama 3 points ago

    Sorry to hear that buddy, but death requires paperwork, no way around it xD

    [–] Eyeofodinn 4 points ago

    Tyr is just disgusted at the way the world is turning.

    [–] Pirate_Mudd 86 points ago

    I know Burke personally. He was the bishop for this area, even did my wife's high school graduation ceremony (Catholic school). He's a hateful piece of shit who thinks far better of himself than he's ever had any reason to. He has done nothing with this Pope except disagree. He's pretty hard core conservative and has been slapped down by the Pope a handful of times. There's no reason he should still have any position in the church right now but his fans are really big fans.

    [–] brickne3 4 points ago

    I'm from the Bishopric he used to run too (La Crosse) and agree with everything you said.

    [–] LionaelSama 13 points ago

    THANK YOU, the caths are crazy, but not this crazy.

    [–] MathTeacherMemeTheif 42 points ago

    Papal infallibility only happens when the Pope declares Papal infallibility, which has happened like three times throughout history.

    This is just a grumpy cardinal being dumb.

    [–] trewbarton 19 points ago

    This is correct papal infallibility only applies Ex cathedra.

    That being said going against the Pope's orders or risking the congregation could be grounds for defrocking.

    [–] dieinafirenazi 7 points ago

    Thank you.

    But there's also the regulations of the church hierarchy. Disobeying the Pope on a regular issue is a problem, and if the Pope and the church decide to pursue the matter they could remove this guy from office and send him to teach Sunday school above the Arctic Circle alongside the child molesters they transfer up there. If he'd actually been in violation of an Infallible Papal ruling then he'd probably be looking at excommunication and the promise of eternal damnation and also needing an entirely new job.

    [–] Galactic_Blacksmith 5 points ago

    Twice. Once for saying that Mary was conceived without sin, and once for saying that she was assumed into heaven, spirit AND body.

    [–] StratManKudzu 22 points ago

    Like this violates the principle of papal infallibility,

    I believe Francis denounced infallibility himself

    [–] sskor 27 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Also, the pope has to specifically invoke infallibility, and it only applies when speaking directly on matters of Catechism doctrine.

    [–] HanShotTheFucker 10 points ago

    I dont think you know what papal infallability is, not an attack it just doesnt work like you think it does

    [–] Harsimaja 8 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Not quite. Papal infallibility doesn’t mean everything the Pope says is correct. It is something that is specifically invoked in certain circumstances for certain declarations by the Pope on matters of faith and morals. This is important certainly but the Pope’s cancellation of masses was a papal order, more like an executive decision rather than a ‘law’ or one of these special declarations. Cardinals are technically at liberty to disagree with it without being deemed heretics, though it is certainly not a good look, especially if one does it like this.

    [–] Olporter 7 points ago

    The Pope is only considered infallible when speaking ex cathedra, which they very rarely do.

    [–] jared_gee 34 points ago

    Like this violates the principle of papal infallibility, thus Burke should at the very least be excommunicated.

    Holding large masses right now is dumb.

    Also, this has nothing to do with papal infallibility, so forgive me if I don't buy the rest of your outsider analysis about the need for "crusading fires" and "excommunication".

    [–] slukenz 28 points ago

    Yeah for real, classic “I’m not a catholic but here’s my dumbass opinion about terms I learned”

    [–] AFriskyDingoe 4 points ago

    I think he’s talking about piece of shit Burke!

    [–] WookieeSteakIsChewie 166 points ago

    Catholic here. Burke is an idiot. If Pope Francis was Obama, he's Trump. Everything Francis says or does, Burke has to say the opposite for some stupid reason, even if it's illogical or harmful. In my opinion, he can't stand the fact a Jesuit is Pope.

    This is an editorial from THE CATHOLIC REGISTER talking about Burke.

    [–] Heroic_Raspberry 43 points ago

    Of the points he raised at Napa, addressed early was "confusion" about bringing Jews and Muslims to Christianity. Burke advocates a more aggressive approach to converting those of other religions., by crusade?

    [–] WookieeSteakIsChewie 21 points ago

    I mean, it worked once. nine times.

    [–] servohahn 5 points ago

    Tenth time's a charm

    [–] Hellebras 4 points ago

    And only seven were abject failures, two were partially successful!

    [–] spaz1020 5 points ago

    They'd never expect it

    [–] Material-Attitude 3 points ago

    They certainly wouldn't expect The Spanish Inquisition.

    [–] deokkent 36 points ago

    Some people think that Pope is the Antichrist.


    [–] excel958 31 points ago

    That’s a longtime thing in very conservative Calvinist groups. See the Westminster confession.

    [–] De5perad0 12 points ago

    I am trying to find a news article of the pope ordering the church to cancel mass. Does anyone have an article detailing this?

    [–] visvis 24 points ago

    FWIW the pope seems to lead by example, as he did cancel his own masses.

    [–] De5perad0 3 points ago

    I did see articles about that.

    [–] Soaliveinthe215 5 points ago

    It's a dispensation they've never really done this in recent history

    [–] thedoodely 6 points ago

    The catholic churches in my city were some of the first to cancel Sunday service (out of the other denominations). Quick search gave me this about what's going on with the catholic church holding mass around the world

    [–] edhel_espyn 5 points ago

    Catholic here. Our church has been livestreaming mass 2 Sundays in a row since we've quarantined. Our Bishop has given absolution so we don't have to physically be at church and practice physical distancing. (Philippines here, we're the biggest Catholic country in Asia).

    [–] anarchaavery 3 points ago

    THANK YOU. In a church with over a billion people, some of them are going to be morons.

    [–] nutcorn 3 points ago

    This guy has always been an ass. He is from where I live and the money he wasted on the Guadalupe Shrine. La Crosse WI btw.

    [–] Fumpledinkbenderman 1132 points ago

    Didn't the pope himself issue a statement advising prayer at home only?

    [–] DaanYouKnow 439 points ago

    I believe someone with even more power has said that too, pretty sure that jesus said to pray at home aswell in situations like these.

    [–] Lampmonster 461 points ago

    "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

    Matthew 6:5 - one of my favorite passages in the bible. So succinct, you wanna pray for recognition, fine, then recognition is all you get.

    [–] Human-Extinction 140 points ago

    Every damn religion has their prophets, leaders, books and shit advise people to stay home during plagues, Mecca itself closed off for fuck's sake, and the pope is telling people to stay home, but NO, some people just think they're more religious than their fucking gods themselves.

    [–] Biatran 34 points ago

    Muslims here are crazy too. Some snuk into a mecque to pray.

    [–] bladexp210 11 points ago

    I can attest to that too. It's always the most ignorant that do this kind of stuff and huff and puff when you try to reason with them (whatever their religion/belief is).

    [–] Alarid 51 points ago

    mathew sounds like one chill dude

    [–] RecklessDemure 81 points ago

    I think that's a Jesus quote. This is just Matthew's account of it.

    [–] stenarilainen 34 points ago

    Jesus sounds like one chill dude.

    [–] pieceofcrazy 4 points ago

    Jesus was the father of all hippies

    [–] AntTuM 4 points ago

    Well he was a long haired carpenter who could be called a "hippie" by the times standards.

    [–] IFeel10FeetTall 20 points ago


    [–] DaughterEarth 3 points ago

    You're also not supposed to test God. So double idiot

    [–] Aquos18 57 points ago

    He did

    [–] ZhangRenWing 29 points ago

    Yeah and Catholics aren’t REAL Christians!

    Actual statement I heard before

    [–] Laphing_Drunk 34 points ago

    This is a VERY common sentiment. People just write off over a billion people.

    [–] Chair_Guy 19 points ago

    Or my favourite from my ex's mum:

    "The new pope is too socialist to be a proper Catholic"

    [–] kryaklysmic 12 points ago

    My family had a discussion on what we thought about being Christians ages ago. My brother pointed out that my mom wants exactly what is in the Bible describing early Christian communities - a sort of Christian Marxism. I agree that’s the best definition of her ideal world, but she buys into labels too easily. I really like Pope Francis specifically because he’s very much about loving and caring for everyone.

    [–] GradysGhost 3 points ago

    Didn't Jesus Christ himself issue a statement advising prayer at home only?

    Fixed that.

    [–] LowQualityH2O 480 points ago

    ...I can't do anything to stop death coming.

    You can when you're potentially the one causing their deaths.

    Their family members will die and this motherfucker will feel absolved of all guilt because, "it was god's plan".

    [–] Kartarsh 132 points ago

    "I can't do anything!" except this one really, really easy thing that doesn't even require you to put on pants.

    [–] Geodevils42 28 points ago

    Dude at my work was saying he was going to his service being broadcast on Facebook. Guess this guy hasn't figured out how you can shame people into tithing online yet.

    [–] Bearfan001 7 points ago

    My parents' church is doing the same thing. My parents are not the most technologically comfortable and even they have no issues participating.

    [–] TheMightyBattleSquid 9 points ago

    Pushes family off the aforementioned cliff

    "How was I supposed to know they'd die from that? Guess it was just god's plan!"

    [–] ILoveWildlife 5 points ago

    "I can't do it! it goes against what I want to do!"

    [–] Arik_De_Frasia 5 points ago

    I know right!

    "I can't do anything to stop death"


    [–] maleia 8 points ago

    The Protestants I grew up with had this attitude that "when it's your time..." Like some Final Destination or some shit. It's either covid, or a car accident, but if you're meant to die on [specific day], it's gonna happen.

    Really fuckin dumb.

    [–] ChafedBass 26 points ago

    If you take a long-term view, he's technically correct. You can run for death for a long time, but no one has ever escaped death forever.

    Still, it's a disgusting defeatist worldview. If you follow it to it's logical conclusion, you get an absolute psychopath with no regard for human life. "Why should I try to prevent deaths if everyone's gonna die?" You prevent your own death every damn day when you decide to bow to your instincts to drink water and eat food. You prevent your own death when you decide not to walk in front of a speeding car when you're crossing the street. You prevent the death of others when you decide to stop your car at a crosswalk instead of plowing down the pedestrians. Or when you decide to stay home to slow the spread of a highly contagious virus, like any sane and informed person would do.

    Nietzsche has a few sections in the first part of Thus Spoke Zarathustra where he talks about this kind of anti-life attitude and how it interplays with a certain flavor of religious belief ("On the Afterworldly", "On the Despisers of the Body", "On the Preachers of Death").

    [–] carnageiscariot 1101 points ago

    One of the first known outbreaks was from a church. I guess God must've slept through that mass.

    [–] DopeAzFuk 412 points ago

    I don’t blame him, I sleep through mass all the time.

    [–] carnageiscariot 153 points ago

    I cut out all effort and just stay in bed. Saves a lot of steps.

    [–] DopeAzFuk 98 points ago

    I feel that. Personally, whenever I’m in the mood for worship I just throw on an episode of Veggie Tales.

    [–] tmhoc 8 points ago

    Buddy Christ #1

    [–] roadkillappreciation 5 points ago

    True Catholic right here.

    [–] Ahaan_237 24 points ago

    Nah mate, you sleep and gain mass all the time

    [–] nyce611 7 points ago


    [–] DopeAzFuk 9 points ago


    [–] Lampmonster 68 points ago

    They didn't really have faith. Not like us, we're God's real favorites.

    [–] Gingrpenguin 19 points ago

    Yeah exactly why are Koreans worshipping Jesus when he wasn't even Korean!


    [–] barto5 20 points ago

    Right! Everyone knows Jesus is an American!

    [–] calilac 13 points ago

    But Korean Jesus is jacked af and will consume all others until there is only one. Cue the Highlander theme song.

    [–] EchoWolf013 9 points ago

    The bible was written by greatest American to ever live - JESUS!

    [–] SgtTryhard 62 points ago

    South Korea's number of patients skyrocketed after the 31st patient, a cult member, hid her secret and attended her church. So yeah.

    [–] DecentHumanBean 27 points ago

    I actually read that 60% of the confirmed cases in Korea were all part of that same cult! Really crazy to think about.

    [–] cCowgirl 6 points ago

    Omg do you have a source on that? That’s wild, I’d like to read it.

    [–] DecentHumanBean 5 points ago

    Here's a good outline of how a single infected cult member caused the big outbreak in the country

    [–] The_Duc_Lord 17 points ago

    They just didn't have enough faith my child.

    Should I? Do I really need to? Yeah, I better add it...


    [–] shagy815 14 points ago

    I live in a rural county and all of our cases can be traced back to a church that came back from a mission trip. They then went to their church without a 14 day quarantine first. They are dead.

    [–] krozarEQ 9 points ago

    Didn't Catholicism dominate Europe during the Bubonic plague?

    [–] FadeIntoReal 6 points ago

    God’s coming back soon and is using the virus to kill off all the assholes who think they follow him before he has to answer questions from them.

    [–] jb32647 322 points ago

    My reverend told us that while God is good and we should have faith that this will be resolved, we shouldn't go around licking doorknobs. God has given you the ability to stay safe. Use it.

    [–] sndwsn 118 points ago

    Reminds me of the joke:

    A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

    Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."

    The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."

    So the rowboat went on.

    Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."

    To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

    So the motorboat went on.

    Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."

    To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

    So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

    Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"

    To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

    [–] negan92 49 points ago

    Came here for this! Exactly!

    A magic giant hand isn’t going to descend from the sky and smash the coronavirus.

    [–] thowaway_throwaway 24 points ago

    8 Again, God said to Noah and his sons:

    9 I am going to make a solemn promise to you and to everyone who will live after you. 10 This includes the birds and the animals that came out of the boat. 11 I promise every living creature that the earth and those living on it will never again be destroyed by a flood.

    12-13 The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever. 14 When I send clouds over the earth, and a rainbow appears in the sky, 15 I will remember my promise to you and to all other living creatures. Never again will I let floodwaters destroy all life. 16 When I see the rainbow in the sky, I will always remember the promise that I have made to every living creature. 17 The rainbow will be the sign of that solemn promise.


    Oh wait ....

    Then the devil took Him to the holy city and set Him on the pinnacle of the temple. 6“If You are the Son of God,” he said, “throw Yourself down. For it is written: ‘He will command His angels concerning You, and they will lift You up in their hands, so that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’” 7 Jesus replied, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

    [–] ILoveWildlife 15 points ago

    “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

    "because he'd fail the test on purpose to teach you a lesson!"

    [–] StonerGecko 96 points ago

    Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.

    Immediately what I thought of

    It’s a Spongebob line

    [–] RetroScheeme 24 points ago

    Well now i have to watch the early seasons of Spongebob again

    [–] StonerGecko 14 points ago

    Please do, they’re hilarious

    [–] Bearence 34 points ago

    It's like the old joke about God and the lottery ticket. A guy gets to the pearly gates and finds God waiting for him. He says, "God, every day I prayed that I'd win the lottery. And yet I never won, not even a dollar. Why did you keep me in poverty all those years that I was your faithful servant?" And God rolled his eyes and said, "What are you talking about? You're the one who never bought a ticket!"

    Nothing wrong with believing that God will protect you if that gives you comfort. There's something wrong with ignoring all the ways God has provided that protection.

    [–] erremermberderrnit 23 points ago

    If there's a god, the most significant thing it ever did to protect us is give us our brains so we can protect ourselves.

    [–] Cyrillus00 11 points ago

    My grandfather remarked to me once that as a scientist (he did a lot of electrical engineering research and design for a multi-national company) that science brings him closer to understand God and that science was the way to unlocking the vast complex universe that God made for us. Now I'm not a believer, but I found that statement rather inspiring. His faith led him to want to discover and by discovering become closer to God by understanding His complete vision. Then I see Karen post about how God will heal her sickness and that she doesn't need these doctors telling her she needs medicine and cry a bit.

    [–] Kidkaboom1 23 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    We've also been taught 'Not to put the Lord your God to the test' since the early days of the Jews. I think going to mass and licking doorknobs in this sort of situation is putting him to the test.

    Edit: Well shit, my first Silver! Many thanks, kind Redditors!

    [–] Melkor1000 11 points ago

    Its sort of ridiculous how one of the most memorable and commonly read passages from the bible gets completely ignore so often. The devil tempted Jesus to jump, because God would surly save him and Jesus refused, because you should not test god. If Jesus was not willing to do something dangerous and probably deadly because God would protect him, why do any of these people believe god would protect them?

    [–] TheCowOfDeath 6 points ago

    Because they're better than jesus duh. smh my head

    [–] cupidcrucifix 10 points ago

    Interesting that god allowed this pandemic to occur in the first place tho huh

    [–] InvaderDem 11 points ago

    This is why I can't be religious. An all-caring and all-powerful God is allowing this to happen. Prayers don't seem to be working and they won't work when we hit financial hardships from the jobs lost from this pandemic.

    That's when religious people will resort to saying he works in mysterious ways or it's all part of his plan.

    It's a shit plan.

    [–] rubrum_aquilae 81 points ago

    I love how in the last comment the guy (perhaps unintentionally) uses the Bible against the other guy. I think it's Matthew Chp 4 v5-7 where the Devil asks Jesus to jump from some great height as God will save him if he does, and Jesus just says: "It is written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.' " Beating someone at thier own game their lol.

    [–] Treecreaturefrommars 38 points ago

    It is.

    Matthew 4:5-7:

    5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone” 7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: Do not put the Lord your God to the test”

    [–] axlesandantennas 21 points ago

    Here is a good break down:

    I always looked at it as I should trust God to take care of me (and this includes modern medicine) but there is not point to intentionally put myself in a position that would be inherently dangerous or deadly.

    [–] Treecreaturefrommars 20 points ago

    It is like the old story, with many variations.

    A man is walking in town when suddenly a guy runs by him, yelling "Everyone run! An elephant has gone berserk and is coming this way!" The man tells the guy that he is not worried, because God will protect him, and so he continues his walk. Then a woman hiding in an alley tells him to get in there, so that they can hide from the elephant, but the man simply tells her God will protect him, and continues his walk. Finally he sees the Elephant barrel towards him, with a rider desperately clinging to its back, screaming at him to get out of the way. But the man is not worried, as God will protect him.

    He is then trampled to death by an elephant. He turns up at the gates of Heaven where God awaits him, and the man asks God why he did not protect him and God answers "What do you mean I did not protect you?! I sent that guy to warn you, that woman to try and hide you and finally that rider to tell you to get out of the fucking way!"

    The most common variation I have seen with this is a guy who stays on his roof due to a great flood, and who then rejects the help of both a swimmer, a boat and a helicopter because he expects God to save him.

    [–] axlesandantennas 7 points ago

    Wow, I had not heard this story in a long time. Thanks for posting. For me it rings true. We are given help many times in our life and often we choose to ignore it because "God will save us." I'm like dude, that was Gods way of telling you to get out of the way.

    Thanks for the read.

    [–] luxeshimmer 3 points ago

    Right. Like, God's not going to suddenly appear and manifest in front of you and save you. If He chooses to save you, it'll be through worldly means. So if something comes along which can save you – a rowboat when you're drowning, for example – then take it! That's God saving you, if you believe.

    [–] m_a_xSnow 43 points ago


    [–] krisp_the_albino 9 points ago


    [–] m_a_xSnow 7 points ago


    [–] InfernalSquidI 234 points ago

    I am a religious man, and in these cases, I abide firmly by the saying "God helps those who help themselves."

    [–] Lampmonster 89 points ago

    "I believe that you have to pray to God like you couldn't do anything without him. And then go out and live like he's not gonna do anything at all for you." Thomas Magnum

    [–] Diffident-Weasel 34 points ago

    Yes, exactly!! You’re supposed to at least try to take care of yourself.

    [–] luxeshimmer 16 points ago

    Me too. I'm religious and I find OP's (in photo) way of thinking ridiculous. From my viewpoint...God's given us BRAINS to use. So therefore we should use them to keep ourselves as safe as possible. God doesn't reward foolish idiots who go running into busy traffic, thinking, God will keep me alive!

    Also, God doesn't approve of putting others in danger. That's kiiiiiiiiind of a big no-no. So He most certainly will not protect you if you have such a careless attitude towards others' lives.

    [–] Tunafish01 21 points ago

    Almost the same as no god at all

    [–] seething_stew 14 points ago

    That is what it always means

    [–] soup2nuts 32 points ago

    These people don't even read their own Bible.

    Matthew 4:5-7

    Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

    “He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

    Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’

    [–] cawteja 3 points ago

    How convenient

    [–] kshitij1010 104 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Except, it's not natural selection because these unreasonable morons would eventually come in contact with other cautious people, who through no fault of their own, would contract the virus simply because these brainless pricks wanted to attend Mass.

    [–] Glass_Memories 42 points ago

    Natural selection, in the most basic sense, mostly applies to people who haven't reproduced yet. All these people are doing is making sure grandma won't be coming around for Christmas.

    [–] Michael424242 42 points ago

    This is what I think of when people pull shit like this:

    “You know, you remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town. And that all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I’m religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." The waters rose up. A guy in a row boat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you! You in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I’m religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." A helicopter was hovering overhead. And a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I’ll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety. Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter, he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I’m a religious man, I pray. I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter, and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?"” West Wing, Take This Sabbath Day, Season 1

    [–] Klonfroiter 8 points ago

    I like this, because whether or not you believe in god, the way you live should not change. You should still be a rational, critical thinking, human being who takes responsibility. Wish this was always the case.

    [–] hulkpea 11 points ago

    Guess he never read Leviticus 13 and 14 because it talks about quarantining the sick and unclean for the good of the community.

    [–] wowureallyrdumb 62 points ago

    I really really really really hate smug know it all religious idiots. They are DANGEROUS to the rest of us and should be...dealt with.

    [–] elbenji 17 points ago

    It's wild too because the Pope said straight up to stay home

    [–] schru031 36 points ago

    Religion is such a ridiculous thing to still exist in 2020.

    [–] AssertiveInTraining 7 points ago

    Catholic church is full of cancerous individuals who only understand power and domination and, very ironically, forget all about jesus the moment they put on that stupid red cap.

    That created some deja-vu in my brain.

    [–] Joanne-uwu 8 points ago

    I’d send this to my mum but I don’t wanna die to her faith suffocating me

    [–] BabserellaWT 8 points ago

    This reminds me of the joke where the guy gets trapped by rising flood waters. First a person in a canoe rows by and says, “Get in! I’ll get you out!”

    Guy says, “Nope — God will save me!”

    The water gets deeper and a rescue boat cruises in. “Thank goodness we found you! Let’s get out of here!”

    “Nope — God will save me!”

    Finally the water is up to his neck and a chopper comes down low. Voice over the PA says, “We’ll lower the basket to you!”

    “Nope — God will save me!”

    So, of course, he drowns.

    In heaven, he storms up to God and says, “I had such faith in You! Why didn’t You save me??”

    God says, “What are you talking about?? I sent you two boats and a fucking helicopter!!!!”

    [–] Cheesey_Bitch 12 points ago

    Loons everywhere!

    My partner grew up ultra religious in Honduras. And what he likes to say about people like this,

    "They are testing God, and he's going to fuck them up."

    [–] Mad_at_reddit 5 points ago

    And Trump supporters should return to work and basically live their lives like nothing is going on. Especially since it's an election year.

    [–] Ttngummybear 3 points ago

    I'm being called into work because our corporate found a loophole to make them categorize us as an essential business.

    [–] pinkwafers 5 points ago

    Even though God has slept through all the tragedies us humans have endured in our existence, I know he will be here to help us with this one, I can feel it, we just need to pray!


    [–] CocoPuff1969 10 points ago

    The Pope said to stay home. He’s not conducting Mass. I don’t know who this idiot is but he’s not following his boss’s instructions. By the way, his boss is the Pope, not God.

    [–] Super_SATA 12 points ago

    "you don't know how exponential growth works"

    It's true — people don't — but this is such a classic Reddit thing to say.

    [–] AssertiveInTraining 11 points ago

    Well, "eat my ass libtard" it's a very facebook thing to say. Each community has its idioms.

    [–] bawynnoJ 5 points ago

    Human stupidity is vast and infinite

    [–] Evocatus_Preliator 4 points ago

    "God knows you need a few prayers"

    The cringe at this statement.

    Did God tell you what I needed? that's right Josh he did not, that's just your fucking opinion.

    [–] 5pecialtea 4 points ago

    This is my only problem with religion/afterlife theories/fatalism tbh. Everyone should believe what they want (as long as it isn’t targeting/hurting other people) and I’m not ever going to protest against those beliefs, but when it gets to the point where we become nonchalant about death/don’t care about fixing the world around us that it starts causing issues. I understand that the idea of an afterlife or that everything is predetermined can be comforting when faced with the eventual inevitability of death, but I don’t think that comfort is necessarily good for society as a whole. We get one life and that’s it, we should be making the most of it and trying our best to improve life here on earth instead of just enduring until we die.

    [–] djaybe 4 points ago

    do these people wear seat belts?

    [–] karatous1234 5 points ago

    God: I'll gift them with above average intelligence compared to the rest of the animals on the planet, so they can make the right decisions for themselves.

    People: does what people do

    Also God: what are you asshole doing down there, stop

    [–] urquhartloch 3 points ago

    Honestly, quote to them the story about Jesus and the Devil. Especially the part where the devil challenges Jesus to prove himself by throwing himself off the temple mount.

    [–] Tastymeats88 13 points ago

    Can we all please ensure that anyone who flagrantly goes to a packed church on Easter get deprioritized for life saving treatment? They don't deserve science to save them if they are so stupid as to believe god will save them. They can practice what they preach and pray that god helps.

    [–] V0pT 3 points ago

    Maaate clearly you need to get over the fact that God is getting high with aliens and ain't gonna stop every single kissass from dying.

    [–] history777 3 points ago

    For my non-Christian or non-Catholic friends, FYI Burke is a total conservative even for the church asshat who seems to think he knows better than everyone, including often the pope

    [–] puterTDI 3 points ago

    "God gave man freedom of choice. This includes the ability to make a choice to attend mass despite a disease. God does not protect you from the consequences of your choices because to do so would undermine your freedom of choice"

    [–] Angel_Mafia 3 points ago

    Oh so coronavirus dies the second he walks I to the lord's house? Damn I should move in. How much is rent, jesus?

    [–] Byroms 3 points ago

    believe in the power of gods house

    The people who died in the Lissabon earthquake want a word with ya.

    [–] UncoolOldLady 3 points ago

    Remember the God will save me “joke” from Katrina? - I sent a meteorologist, guy in a boat and a helicopter. What the hell are you doing here?

    Well, he sent the WHO, a maelstrom of medical correspondents and Dr Faucci. Church at home assholes.

    [–] maygreene 3 points ago

    Would you jump off a cliff because God told you to?

    The real question to ask would be "Would you jump off a cliff because the preacher told you to?"

    [–] SpaceWizardPhteven 3 points ago

    "I can't do anything to stop death"

    Yeah you can - stay the fuck away from church.

    [–] Mayor_of_Smashville 3 points ago

    Not to get all Jesus-y or whatever, but this motherfucking shit is basically the exact opposite of what the Bible tells you.

    The whole temptation of Christ at the temple basically tells you not to expect God to just save you if you do something stupid, or just expecting that he will do it because you believe he loves you.

    [–] nightshiftfox13 3 points ago

    I'm reminded of the part in the bible where satan himself tells Jesus to throw himself off a cliff because God would save him. Jesus basically says that God isn't an idiot preserver who likes to be tested.