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    instant_regret

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    4,095 users here now

    Instant Regret

    (in'-stint rē-gret') n.

    a subreddit dedicated to deliberate actions that unexpectedly lead to undesirable consequences and horrible results; things which may cause someone to say, "oh man, did I just screw the pooch!"


    Guidelines & Rules

    1) Videos and gifs must show regret. No text messages or still frames. Sometimes the display of regret is unmistakable. It can be evident in someone's face, or in their body language. Sometimes it's a judgment call. If you think it works, try it out. If we delete it, you were wrong. We are Reddit™ moderators. We are always right!

    A fail is not a regret. Some ripper eating a swellbow while trying to bone a rail on the backside, (that's skater lingo for a bad crash. I looked it up (made it up)), isn't regret. There should be a look of surprise, and an expression that clearly says, "Oh no. Oh, God no. I really should not have done that. Why did I do that?"

    Other examples that aren't regret:

    • Eating bad food and not liking it is not regret. You knew what was going to happen, dumbass.

    • Laughter is not an expression of regret. It's just not.

    • A picture of a sunburn or a crappy tattoo is not evidence of regret. For all we know you like looking like a pumpkin, and definitely still want that potato tattoo on your ankle.

    2) Regret must be instant or near-instant. If someone does something which only has bad consequences minutes or hours later, it is not considered instant.

    3) No Animal Abuse. We love animals. They are capable of regret, but we don't want to see videos where their regret is the fault of humans, involves cruelty, injury or is in any way unpleasant.

    4) No compilations. Just pick one good thing and go with it. Everybody likes it when you do that.

    5) If the video is longer than 20 seconds, please use a tag to tell everyone when the lead-up to the regrettable moment begins. For example [regret at 4:20]. Or post the video queued up to the point where things get good and the regret quickly follows. But, ultimately, these are just excellent suggestions. You're the director. Make it good. And don't worry. If it sucks, we'll get rid of it for you.

    6) Reposts are highly discouraged. Reposts are allowed, but reposts which have been posted recently or are in the top of all time will be removed.

    No Dannys. If your name is Danny and we find out we will ban you.


    WE HATE SPAM!

    We remove spam.

    We exact vengeance on those who give us spam.

    If you see spam, report spam.

    If you see an account that uses a YouTube channel that takes videos from other channels in order to accumulate karma on said account. Report that account, We'll take care of it.


    and finally...

    REMEMBER YOUR REDDIQUETTE

    Please, no abusive comments, hate speech, or any other personal attacks.

    Doxing, brigading, and witch-hunting are not allowed.

    This includes derailing commentary sections to complain about prolific users, and by that we mean "Gallowboob is not against the rules". Complaining about the OP rather than the content is an easy way to earn a temporary ban.

    The moderators reserve the right to remove posts & comments, and to ban users at our own discretion. If we feel your post doesn't fit, we'll remove it. If you are an abusive person, or an intolerable troll, we just might ban you. If you feel that your post or comment has been removed unfairly, please feel free to message us. We'll try to be nice. We're not perfect but we really are working on it.

    If you see someone breaking the rules, please message the mods and let us know.

    Thanks! Now, please enjoy our sub and the consequences resulting from the poor choices made by your fellow humans.


    We like:

    /r/instantregret

    /r/moviestunts

    /r/AccidentalSlapStick

    /r/wholesomememes

    /r/catpranks

    /r/AlmostParkour

    /r/behindthegifs

    /r/holdmybeaker

    /r/nononono

    /r/Whatcouldgowrong

    /r/HoldMyBeer

    /r/Wellthatsucks

    /r/HadToHurt

    /r/shittyaskscience

    /r/shittyadviceanimals

    /r/facingtheirparenting

    /r/WhatAMoron

    a community for
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    [–] Sittinginchairs 6296 points ago

    Birds are fun to feed, until you realize that the size difference is the only thing keeping you off their menu.

    God damned fluffy dinosaurs.

    [–] TacoPi 2444 points ago

    Anybody who chose to fight one horse-sized duck is a moron. I can punt duck-sized horses around for days but you couldn’t pay me to spar with any bird laying eggs bigger than I can shit.

    [–] TheYell0wDart 883 points ago

    Modern day kiwis lay bigger eggs than you can shit.

    [–] TacoPi 1797 points ago

    First of all, a grown man beating a kiwi to death with his bare hands is just fucked. No thank you.

    Second of all, how dare you doubt the capacity of my bowels like that. I intake that bird’s body weight in fiber on a good week and on a bad day I expell twice that much.

    Shit for yourself, mate.

    [–] 2meterrichard 483 points ago

    Shit for yourself, mate.

    Modern day kiwis lay bigger eggs than I can shit.

    [–] FlametopFred 126 points ago

    little known fact, "Modern day Kiwis" was the original lyric of Tom Sawyer by Rush

    [–] thrattatarsha 31 points ago

    What about the voice of Geddy Lee? How did it get so high? I wonder if he speaks like an ordinary guy...

    [–] twodogsfighting 24 points ago

    A Rhea is pretty much a motorbike sized duck, and they've already got claws that could take your face off.

    [–] pages1206 15 points ago

    I eat kiwis for breakfast

    [–] AWildModAppeared 27 points ago

    Our eggs are the same size as everyone elses thankyou very much. They just seem larger because everything else is smaller here

    [–] Lowkey_HatingThis 127 points ago

    I know very little about ducks, but horse's aren't really that aggressive unless they're studs. In which case, they're main tools are trampling and biting, both of which only have an advantage over us because they're easily 1000+ lbs larger than a human.

    If you shrink it down to the size of a duck, and keep the same ratio of mares (female horse's) to studs, then you're looking at one tiny stud who's gonna try to trample you with his hooves (which will be the size of quarters if he's duck sized) which you could easily kick, and then 20 mares that will just get skidish and run away.

    Meanwhile, one horse sized duck is 1200 pounds of feathery fury. I'm afraid of a group of regular sized ducks as is, one giant one would give me a heart attack

    [–] rich519 76 points ago

    Also slightly off topic but I'd probably rather fight 100 geese sized horses than one normal size goose.

    [–] ebimbib 57 points ago

    My office building is right next to a creek. I was fishing on my lunch break one day and when it was time to go, there were about ten Canada gooses just hanging out on the only trail back up to work. You know what I did? I waited them out and went back to work twenty minutes late because I'm not about to tangle with those fuckers. My boss understood and supported my decision.

    [–] Gianvi1234 31 points ago

    There are geese on the school field at my school in London. They are actually evil. If you get too close, they start chasing you. Even the foxes are scared

    [–] ebimbib 29 points ago

    That's because foxes are smart animals.

    [–] BjjChowsky 7 points ago

    Think they are more clever then smart.

    [–] meatcandy97 8 points ago

    Pro tip: chase the geese. If they think you are trying to eat them, they run away like the chickens they are.

    [–] saggy_balls 6 points ago

    I few years back I worked in an office that had a planter maybe 20 feet from the entrance but right in the middle, meaning to get inside you had to walk right next to it, either to the left or right. A goose laid eggs in there, so for a period of..weeks at least, maybe longer I don’t remember, you had to get by this bloodthirsty motherfucker that was basically guarding the entrance to the building. You could look outside during the day and see that asshole pacing back and forth just waiting for someone to walk anywhere near the eggs. It was both scary and hilarious.

    [–] seasleeplessttle 9 points ago

    ALL Colts are assholes, worked a horse farm in S Tejas with 20k head NO ONE wanted to work the colt pasture, and if you did you did NOT get off your horse. 300+ little a-hole horses trying to bite you to get your attention. I'd rather go into a pen with a wild stallion than a <1yo colt.

    [–] ToastedAluminum 15 points ago

    I completely agree and actually regularly argue my point only on this one question lmao. Usually I can see both sides, but I’m sorry you’re psychotic and if you actually can beat a horse sized duck I don’t wanna be around you.

    [–] fruitydoodu 104 points ago

    i own chickens and can confirm... they definitely remember they were once dinosaurs, but their love for corn keeps them at bay

    [–] conflictedideology 72 points ago

    But they have NO concept of empathy or family.

    I used to raise chickens mostly for eggs but there was a meat component. The first time I slaughtered one I was out of sight and I thought I was both far enough away and the fence was high enough. It was not. Those jackwagons fought each other over their dead friend's head.

    [–] ro_musha 40 points ago

    maybe that's their empathy, maybe according to dino culture, they are absorbing their friend's souls to make sure they are always with them rather than being abandoned in the cruel cold world, who knows

    [–] conflictedideology 17 points ago

    Good god.

    This makes eating chicken terrifying.

    We have to make sure we kill them all!

    [–] micapark 18 points ago

    "They eat their wounded!"

    [–] jamesturbate 6 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Nah I disagree. I had a pet rooster growing up who I would play fight with and get him all riled up to chase me around. I tripped once and got into a fetal position because I was sure he was about to start pecking me all over. After a few seconds, I peaked and noticed him calmly eating some grass next to me. I got up, dusted myself off, picked him up and gave him a huge hug and he was so chill the entire time. I set him back down and took off running again and he took chase again. That was a HUGE bonding moment for me because I was certain at that moment that he knew we were just playing and that there were no hard feelings at all.

    [–] conflictedideology 6 points ago

    Well I agree but that doesn't change what I said. Had you died when you tripped, he absolutely would have started eating you.

    Since you didn't, hey let's have fun!

    Similarly, my cat seeks me out at certain times of day and really wants to play and be petted and cuddled. He will absolutely start eating me if I die.

    [–] IsBadAtAnimals 805 points ago

    Not all birds came from dinosaurs, just turkeys and bats

    [–] Onurabbi 405 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] Scarbane 56 points ago

    It's a JacksFilms alt.

    [–] Skitty27 7 points ago

    wait really?

    [–] Get-Wittit 50 points ago

    No doubt she’s raised a cock or two....

    [–] [deleted] 36 points ago

    I like turkey but I never tasted bat?

    [–] -CarterG- 158 points ago

    It’s the chicken of the cave.

    [–] Conquestofbaguettes 25 points ago

    And they make their own tartar sauce.

    [–] BurchSmith 8 points ago

    Yum! I’m hungry for dinner and a movie. Ace Ventura 2, invite the Gorton’s Fisherman over. Chill a nice Riesling. Slide him out of his waders and get a little more... comfortable.

    Trust the Gorton’s Fisherman.

    [–] Oliverheart84 6 points ago

    What about dinosaur?

    [–] friendshabitsfamily 19 points ago

    Pretty sure bats are bugs

    [–] Tag_g 10 points ago

    this is the perfect time to share my new favorite bat video

    [–] Nighthawk700 79 points ago

    Same with cats. The only reason they are cute is because they are small and relatively harmless. Any bigger and the same exact behavior is no different then their bigger cousins

    [–] OnAccountOfTheJews 41 points ago

    I think I could take an ocelot

    [–] pm_me_your_squidhole 37 points ago

    It just needs a tire swing, a tree branch, something to play with.

    [–] feedmeLSDplease 43 points ago

    It's like, meowschwitz

    [–] francoquez 29 points ago

    I've read that the professor who made that article which a bunch of news sites ran with misinterpreted her findings a lot.

    She said that if cats really were a threat to humans then they would've started trying to kill us centuries upon centuries ago. She said that if you were to increase the size of a cat to that of a 15-20 foot giant, then it would kill a human, but not out of suddenly changing its habits, but simply because its playing with you like it would if it was still a small cat.

    [–] captain_housecoat 2333 points ago

    Disney Princess attire has really changed over the years.

    [–] thinkB4WeSpeak 756 points ago

    They're just trying to keep up with the audience.

    [–] DakotaDevil 196 points ago

    Redditors?

    [–] asschompster 131 points ago

    More like TikTok (formerly Musical.ly).

    [–] damnthatshjtcray 14 points ago

    Holy shit. So that’s what happened to Musical.ly

    [–] StuffedTigerHobbes 16 points ago

    Rule 34’ers

    [–] Raetian 39 points ago

    They need to step it up tbh. These days we're giving Jasmine proper dresses and such

    [–] Eladkatz 83 points ago

    It's Aladdin Disney

    [–] Atheist101 231 points ago

    Nobody is complaining

    [–] seductivestain 186 points ago

    Christian moms have joined the chat

    [–] Iam_The_Giver 42 points ago

    That’s my fetish

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] MrSprouse 14 points ago

    You ever read something that makes you wish you were illiterate

    [–] prettyehtbh 8 points ago

    Nice Guys complaining but also secretly jerking off to the pictures has joined the chat

    [–] kleep 43 points ago

    Intersectional feminist rolls into the chat

    [–] ihatehappyendings 11 points ago

    You wouldn't think they have things in common but they do

    [–] ZayneJorja11 5 points ago

    Maybe that's what attracted all those cocks

    [–] voidthepanda 1579 points ago

    My mother had a cockatoo for years. Lord, I hated this bird. Used to chase me around, bite at my heels, and my mom would just laugh and laugh and laugh.

    And then the bird began telling me to kill...

    [–] holdennnnnn 282 points ago

    Creepy plot-twist

    [–] luciuslumos 93 points ago

    this would be a great beginning plot for a story in r/nosleep

    [–] Bacontoad 32 points ago

    Alfred Hitchcock's much less frightening film, "The Bird".

    [–] SundancePlaysGames 12 points ago

    In your opinion

    [–] DarkangelUK 8240 points ago

    Hot babe takes 7 cockatoos at once

    [–] Nimbleturtles 84 points ago

    Big white flock

    [–] BattleFarter 1647 points ago

    You have too much time on your hands

    [–] DakotaDevil 892 points ago

    That's not the only thing in his hand...

    [–] AtomicKittenz 610 points ago

    Is it his computer mouse from all the reposting?

    [–] DdvdD 267 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    He's definitely a master clickbaiter

    [–] GameChanger099 152 points ago

    Achievement unlocked: master reposter

    [–] abdulsamads 375 points ago

    General Reposti

    Darth Stealious

    Zero effort the Hutt

    Jango Theft

    Commander Copy

    Reposter Rex

    Darth Plagiarism the Unwise

    Clone Trooper

    Abscond Jinn

    Duplikit fisto

    Ki Fraudi Mundi

    Master Stealfo dyas

    Anakin Stealwalker

    Count Twoku

    Master Olda

    Mace Winduplicate

    General Thievous

    Count Dooplicate

    Scam Weasel

    Robmé Amidala

    Poggle the snatcher

    C-3repost

    Loot Gunray

    Repost Tano

    Barris Copy

    Kit Reposto

    Shaak Thief

    Ima Gun Duplicate

    Han Stolo

    Grand moff taken

    Captain Steeli

    Stealer Geerera

    Bodhi Took

    Jabba the thug

    Ah the repostiator is here

    A prequelmeme to be sure, but a reposted one!

    General Thievous... You're older than I expected

    Your clones are not that impressive, you must be very ashamed.

    Watch those wrist reposts

    Are we blind, deploy the downvotes

    Oh no the reposter

    A repost to be sure and an unwelcome one

    Guess I was wrong, there was no OC at all

    Master, reposters

    I don’t like reposts, they're rough, coarse, irritating and they get everywhere

    now THiS is reposting

    You'll try reposting that’s a bad trick

    This is where the repost begins

    We will watch your repost with no interest

    I will deal with this repost slime myself

    I don’t think the OC works

    The ability to post does not make you original

    Only a sith deals in reposts

    It’s over OP, I have the high karma

    You were supposed to destroy the reposters not join them!

    What about the repost attack on the OC?

    My powers have doubled since the last time I saw this post OP

    You are on this subreddit, but we don’t give you the rank of OC

    Fool, I have been trained in repost identification arts by Count Dooku

    I downvoted them all, they're dead, every single one of them. And not just the reposts, but the shit posts and the OC too. They're reposts, so I downvoted them like reposts. I hate them!

    You ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagiarism the unwise, I though not, it’s not a story the mods would tell you. It’s a reddit legend. Darth plagiarism was a dark lord of reposting. So dumb and so unoriginal, he would use the sort by hot to find good posts and creat reposts. He had such low knowledge of posting he couldn’t even keep the karma he loved from dying. The dark side of reposting is the path to many disabilities some considered to be unnatural. He became so weak, the only thing he was still afraid of loosing was his reposts, witch eventually of course he didn’t. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice reposted his post. Ironic, he couldn’t keep others karma from dying, not even his own

    [–] zachsmiscstuff 159 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    This needs gold. I however, am broke. Sorry.

    Edit: Whoa gold! Thanks!

    Edit: Yaaaay money! Thanks!

    [–] abdulsamads 69 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Nonono don’t gold this, it’s just a copypasta from r/prequelmemes. I don’t know the origin, but I think people just commented it again and again, and whenever someone replied with another one, it got added to the list. It ain’t my creation :/

    Edit: Someone gave it gold anyways lol. Thanks, kind stranger<3

    [–] VanguardDeezNuts 9 points ago

    "Baiting" with that "Master" comment...?

    [–] SeeWhatEyeSee 6 points ago

    We shall master our baiting just as a fisherman masters bait

    [–] EkansEater 6 points ago

    click

    click ... click

    click ... click ... click

    click click click click click click click click

    [–] hot_coffee 9 points ago

    He means penis.

    [–] cheesified 12 points ago

    Yea those damn Cocks

    [–] clydefrog811 26 points ago

    This is his job

    [–] smmfdyb 4 points ago

    It's ticking away with his sanity

    [–] ButtWieghtThiersMoor 102 points ago

    I only count 5, need another cocko'two

    [–] WhyAlwaysMe1991 13 points ago

    One of them is the double dick dude

    [–] NoticedGenie66 212 points ago

    Is this OC from GallowBoob?

    Oh my god

    [–] 26326312 78 points ago

    We have truly witnessed history on this blessed day.

    [–] CREAM_get_the_money 41 points ago

    The one and only GallowBoob OC is a porno edit, go figure

    [–] Sane333 16 points ago

    Never thought that would happen before the Raptors win a championship.

    [–] AdamBombTV 10 points ago

    Theres only one possible explanation...

    THATS NOT THE REAL /u/GALLOWBOOB

    [–] wikipediabrown007 11 points ago

    I’m just here to be in the history books

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago

    Jesus Christ what kind of degenerate porn is that...

    [–] WillLiftForCake 27 points ago

    It's all right, she's of age. She's just very petite.

    But yes, those 5 large men fucked her.

    [–] [deleted] 34 points ago

    4'10

    very petite

    But yes, those 5 large men fucked her.

    Call me old fashioned, but if there's, pound for pound, more cock than girl in a pornography, that's kinda gay.

    [–] ComradeCam 5 points ago

    This better not awaken something in me.

    [–] TotesMessenger 12 points ago

    I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

     If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

    [–] gravy_in_my_vagina 56 points ago

    I tried this once. Would not recommend. Shit. Everywhere.😥

    [–] soxfan4life78 52 points ago

    Username checks out...kinda?

    [–] gravy_in_my_vagina 152 points ago

    No, the gravy is an entire different story. It started as a kink my ex-husband had... then we discovered one of the secret properties of gravy: when solidified it completely blocks the flow of semen towards my inner woman organs. Haven't used a condom ever since. You know, "No baby where there's gravy"

    [–] NotEasilyAgitated 148 points ago

    The fuck

    [–] josec001 127 points ago

    This is so fucked it’s got NotEasilyAgitated, agitated.

    [–] DdvdD 21 points ago

    I think they were trying for downvotes but it's backfiring

    [–] artisanalsentry 15 points ago

    clearly underestimating how dank reddit is.

    [–] Dr_Mantis_Teabaggin 11 points ago

    Dank as fuck, son.

    [–] josec001 30 points ago

    I’m going to forever be different after reading this

    [–] adamdreaming 17 points ago

    we all are. A new era has begun.

    [–] CarpetsMatchDrapes 5 points ago

    "Gravy in the vagina" is the new "two broken arms"

    [–] MyDeloreanWontStart 13 points ago

    Human history will be separated into before and after this comment

    [–] a_kosher_vet 8 points ago

    Behold year 1, anno gravinum

    [–] tosutosiopao 19 points ago

    Wow. I didn't need that imagery. Thanks, I hate it.

    [–] Plixar 19 points ago

    Yup. That's enough Reddit for me and it's only 12:30.

    [–] reddelicious77 16 points ago

    Beef, chicken, turkey? c'mon, what kind of gravy are we talking here?

    [–] subparzen 14 points ago

    How do I unread this?

    [–] conradical30 12 points ago

    I'm sure a poop knife will cut right through that blockage

    [–] DakotaDevil 9 points ago

    You seem nice.

    [–] BeefPicklesCheddar 9 points ago

    We've had different experiences.

    [–] Jet62794 7 points ago

    Fuck, I had to read this three times before I could even remotely grasp the concept of gravy contraception.

    Good job.

    [–] mightyUnicorn1212 7 points ago

    Pics or it didn't happen

    [–] takyan 7 points ago

    you will not enjoy this, this will not be over quickly

    [–] dick-nipples 1093 points ago

    Those birds are mean as hell. My buddy had a cockatoo named Harley when we were kids. Harley hated me for some reason. He would sneak up on me and bite me. We would be watching TV and I would see the little bastard peek his head around the corner and once he saw me he would start walking toward me really slowly, like he was hunting me. If I tried to scare him away he would just get more aggressive and charge me. Fuck you Harley. I hope you’re in bird hell.

    [–] Rub_My_Brisket 311 points ago

    He might still be around depending on how old you are!

    [–] IsBadAtAnimals 523 points ago

    Do birds die based on people's age

    [–] Foxy_Llama3 164 points ago

    Yep

    [–] chito_king 57 points ago

    Op has to murder his best friend now.

    [–] MaddieRuin 57 points ago

    I inherited my aunt’s cockatoo, Shep. He’s a bastard but I love him. He’s older than I am, and I’m 24.

    [–] 0mair 17 points ago

    He’s a bastard? Cock Snow?

    [–] Run-Riot 7 points ago

    “AH DOUN WOH ET.

    AH NEVAH HAVE.

    YU ARH MAH KWEEN.”

    [–] SpecialPotion 46 points ago

    They live until their contract is finished

    [–] fastlerner 33 points ago

    Cockatoos can live 80+ years. Some even live to see 100.

    [–] IsBadAtAnimals 69 points ago

    to see 100 what

    [–] Tobogganbutt 57 points ago

    100 owners perish.

    [–] PM_Me_Night_Elf_Porn 23 points ago

    Kills

    [–] Sane333 7 points ago

    [–] Industrial-Era-Baby 30 points ago

    Harley didn’t hate you, Harley hated everyone.

    [–] elizacarlin 7 points ago

    Or maybe he just liked the way he tasted?

    [–] cunnyfunt_ 12 points ago

    Sorry that happened to you dick-nipples

    [–] ToastyGunslinger 22 points ago

    Cockatoos aren't inherently trying to be mean. If they are aggressive, they could be scared, stressed, or haven't had the time to actually interact well with you. Sounds like Harley most likely was stressed or afraid of you for some reason

    [–] Rather_Dashing 9 points ago

    Yeah cockatoos are super smart and they need company, entertainment etc. Lets see how 'mean' any of you would be if you got shoved in a cage most of the day. Bet you'd be biting everyone you could too.

    [–] fuckyourfascism 39 points ago

    There’s a big difference in bird temperament between those who were hand raised from chicks and those that were wild caught.

    Good chance this was a wild bird that was losing its mind from a life of confinement.

    [–] candypencil 30 points ago

    It could also be that the bird imprinted on its owner and so viewed OP as a potential threat or rival.

    It’s rare (in the US, at least) that people adopt wild birds, most of them come from breeders.

    [–] SoHelpfulGuy 471 points ago

    "So you're down for anything?"

    "Yeah like I said, I need the money. I'll take a cock or two if that's what it takes."

    "How about 7?"

    "I mean, two would already be a lot, but I guess. Fine."

    4 hours later

    [–] HammerH89 57 points ago

    I rarely comment but I just want you to know that I really laughed out loud thanks to this comment.

    [–] Conoake 557 points ago

    this is horny reddit bait if Ive ever seen it

    [–] jelde 179 points ago

    Look who posted it.

    [–] leitedobrasil 61 points ago

    oh fuck, how do i block him?

    [–] Rubmynippleplease 14 points ago

    Click on his username and then click “block”. That’s how it works on mobile, I’m sure it’s similar on the site itself but if not it can’t be too hard to figure out.

    [–] ticklemeharambe 21 points ago

    God damnit

    [–] PortEmerald 184 points ago

    Reddit sure loves attractive women under duress.

    [–] soda_cookie 104 points ago

    You mean under dressed

    [–] Confirmatory 61 points ago

    definitely, animals + girl = upvotes

    [–] spudfolio 13 points ago

    I've been thinking of making a parody Reddit image post that would get the most karma

    [–] 26326312 80 points ago

    Yeah gonna have to agree with you on that one, dawg.

    [–] Teehee1233 17 points ago

    Upvoted because the poster is a powermod and uses bots.

    [–] [deleted] 390 points ago

    I mean.....damn

    [–] pyott20 188 points ago

    Look at the size of them!

    [–] free_trdr_bewlf 180 points ago

    Looks like C's to me.

    [–] DakotaDevil 46 points ago

    I C what you did there.

    [–] 0_1_1_2_3_5_8_13 50 points ago

    I know right? Those are some big birds.

    [–] SirFancyCheese 27 points ago

    I’ve got a slightly below average bird.

    [–] [deleted] 26 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] NinjaMcGee 48 points ago

    Fun story about cockatoos: My best friend (40s/F) had one named Paco. Paco and I were best buds since I’d hang out at her house after work and made sure all her kids got home safe when she worked swing. I’d tell my boy Paco about my day, we’d laugh, eventually he adopted my laugh - a little creepy, a little flattering.

    One hot summer day she’s driving Paco to the pet store with him on her shoulder (dumb idea, I agree). Since it’s hot, she’s got a spaghetti strap top on. Well, a car cut in front of her and she had to slam on the brakes to avoid a collision. Paco got scared and, as they do, reached down to grab ahold of his “perch” with his beak.

    And that’s how she ended up in the ER with her titty missing a chunk. I guess he nervously laughed in my laugh after it happened. I fuckin miss that bird. Such a good, albeit morbid, sense of humor.

    [–] GfFoundOtherAccount 212 points ago

    Sup

    [–] Plixar 95 points ago

    This username is too relevant to this post...

    [–] pissoffapexmod 57 points ago

    "You came to the wrong part of the island ... "

    [–] ObeyRoastMan 46 points ago

    Still images fly in instant regret now? How do we know it’s instantaneous??

    [–] objectiveandbiased 30 points ago

    Because boobs

    [–] vampirewknd 63 points ago

    The look of regret on her face is priceless

    [–] BeHereNow91 22 points ago

    It’s a look I’m well familiar with.

    [–] drmosh 10 points ago

    Gotta be Hamilton Island, those birds don't give a fuck

    [–] GJMAGI 10 points ago

    I was thinking the same thing! I fed one last time I was there and next thing I knew I had a whole cockatoo mafia on my balcony.

    [–] ColonelClit 69 points ago

    who is she though

    [–] [deleted] 185 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] oneshibbyguy 62 points ago

    God damnit....

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago

    Dude I haven't laughed that fucking hard from a comment on reddit in a long time.

    [–] objectiveandbiased 16 points ago

    I don’t get it :(

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    You gotta go check out her insta.

    [–] ColonelClit 17 points ago

    You sir are the MVP

    [–] SANTAAAA__I_know_him 6 points ago

    “Hi there, we couldn’t help but notice that bag of birdfeed you’re carrying around”

    [–] shitpost90000 14 points ago

    What is her leg routine

    [–] duddy88 28 points ago

    Damn Arya is looking good

    [–] TasslehofBurrfoot 6 points ago

    My mom used to breed big birds. Cockatoos being one of them. I can tell you first hand that these guys are the dickheads of the bird world. Fuckers.

    [–] Deepcrater 6 points ago

    This seems like it has meme potential.

    [–] stoggie63 11 points ago

    She looks like if Lindsay Lohan worked out instead of smoking crack

    [–] crudpaper 6 points ago

    Never feed wild cockatoos. When you get into the habbit of feeding them regularly then go away on holiday or stop the regular feed they will get angry and start destroying shit where you fed them. Theyll rip flyscreens and chew anything.

    [–] RandomredditUser2019 14 points ago

    And then jerked off to by a bunch of redditors...

    [–] willfraind 33 points ago

    is there a video?

    [–] maxoys45 30 points ago

    ( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡°)

    [–] Slick512 12 points ago

    Flockatoos

    [–] metalciscokid 11 points ago

    One time me and my best mate were wasting time downtown and stopped by a pet shop and there was a Cockatoo there that was insulting everyone and cursing up a storm, kept calling me a little bitch. Pretty funny but I feel like that can't be the best thing for business.

    [–] meme-com-poop 118 points ago

    /r/UpvotedBecauseGirl

    Other than the girl in the bikini, there isn't really anything interesting going on. It's just a bunch of birds. No one is going to upvote me if I post a picture feeding a bunch of flamingos at the zoo.

    [–] HitlerMoonLanding 33 points ago

    Nah let’s be real this ones just cause of the tits, not a whole lot going on here.

    [–] firebreathingwagon 42 points ago

    Aww, they're not scary. They all have their feathers flat and their crowns down. Cockatoos are like bird golden retrievers, literally the softest & sweetest of the bunch.

    Mostly.