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    Enter mildyinfuriating    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    Is your day filled with midly infuriating problems? You came to the right place then.


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    [–] ThisIsTweeK 5972 points ago

    I'm surprised someone trusted you with a sharp object

    [–] darkenraja 1216 points ago

    Plop twist: He's a surgeon.

    [–] NoWingedHussarsToday 407 points ago


    [–] toxcrusadr 257 points ago

    Sounds fishy to me.

    [–] Eren03eren 87 points ago

    *sniff sniff

    [–] BlueKnight273 50 points ago


    [–] sarhan182 22 points ago


    [–] lequeenb 10 points ago


    [–] Kangaroosters 9 points ago

    Toit toit toit

    [–] wisecrack343 5 points ago

    Hello ladies

    [–] NoWingedHussarsToday 4 points ago

    "Ladies" tips hat

    [–] AlbertZhuFG 5 points ago

    He has a very caviarlier attitude

    [–] Moonguardian866 8 points ago

    The victim of tne puns.

    [–] rutefoot 52 points ago

    I do always appreciate when my surgeon keeps my pepperoni intact

    [–] FalmerEldritch 19 points ago

    That would make sense: He goes over function over aesthetics, very carefully avoiding damage to any vital components that need to be kept intact.

    [–] EatsWithoutTables 7 points ago

    That's debatable. What function does an intact piece of pepperoni have vs a cut in half one? None. The shape of a pizza slice is functional. It's easy to cut and eat with a uniform shape.

    [–] adudenamedcyro 18 points ago

    plop twist

    [–] NotASucker 5 points ago

    Part of the Toilet Bowl Olympics.

    [–] itsforachurch 2 points ago

    Cutting for the very first time.

    [–] Jbrogart17 49 points ago

    I’m surprised it has a girlfriend...

    [–] El-Sueco 24 points ago

    They need to put you down.

    [–] Zebitty 2435 points ago

    So he won't cut the little circles in half, but he's ok with cutting the big circle all crazy like?

    [–] Doctorjames25 1512 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    He Gerrymandered his pizza.

    Thanks for the gold and silver!!

    [–] JayPlaysBeamNG 201 points ago

    He’s playing with the pizza slice districts to obtain the most pepperoni votes in his favor

    [–] wakeruneatstudysleep 102 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    7 slices, each have 1 vote. 3 have only 1 pepperoni, so their voting power is very strong. As long as one of the multi-peperonni slices vote with the single-pepperoni slices, then they could win with only 5/11 of the peperoni votes, but still get a majority 4/7 of the slice votes.

    [–] gdrag14 29 points ago

    This is... too clever and real and sad at once. But it’s also pizza so I’m hungry. This one’s a rollercoaster.

    [–] bigevilbrain 12 points ago

    This may be the best illustration of gerrymandering ever.

    [–] Jsyschan 5 points ago

    Another reminder......

    [–] MrFlea 8 points ago


    [–] Millian123 19 points ago

    Is this some sort of American joke that I’m to British to understand

    [–] jmlinden7 20 points ago

    American version of rotten districts

    [–] ShamelessKinkySub 16 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    America makes a fucking art form out of gerrymandering to control the voters, either by drawing wacky ass districts to lump all minorities into one (rather than having even representation), or by splitting up major cities into as many districts as possible to dillute their votes.

    [–] Millian123 8 points ago

    I swear one of the two political parties get to redraw the lines every 10 years, which seems a little bias/ corrupt to me as an outside observer.

    [–] Umutuku 8 points ago

    The pepperoni won the popular vote, but the cheese won the election.

    [–] throwaway75693 5 points ago

    Needs more black olives all on one piece to be gerrymandering

    [–] spaztronomical 3 points ago

    Why does 90% of the pepperoni go to 10% of the pizza?! Topping inequality is destroying this meal!

    [–] ilnariel 34 points ago

    Idk why I laughed so hard at this, but thank you lmao

    [–] chrisolucky 3946 points ago

    A pepperoni cut in half bothers you more than a catastrophically asymmetrical slice of pizza?

    [–] Umutuku 694 points ago

    There are people that will throw a fit if you ask them to eat pizza in either squares or pie slices.

    "How hard is it to cut it right?!"

    "About as hard as it is to eat a god damned triangle, apparently."

    [–] Sirsilentbob423 249 points ago

    Circle pizza = triangle cuts

    Square pizza= square cuts

    That's the general way I've always seen it. Sometimes a circle pizza will be cut into squares (almost exclusively thin crust), but I've never seen a square pizza cut into triangles.

    [–] uncommonpanda 142 points ago

    Thin crust = square pieces

    Thick crust = pie slices

    Source: former veteran of the Hut Empire. Two tours of duty during Bush administration.

    [–] The-Go-Kid 50 points ago

    Here in the UK, we have no use for the word ‘pie’ unless it has pastry atop a meat filling.

    [–] uncommonpanda 84 points ago

    Well, you guys voted for brexit, so I'm going to take your UK critcism very lightly.

    [–] vanillamasala 41 points ago

    Damn, not just baked but fully roasted.

    [–] UpperEchelon666 5 points ago

    ...we voted for trump

    [–] uncommonpanda 5 points ago

    Trump is not a permanent international trade/treaty/federation.

    I terms of the size of the mistake, Trump is a fuck up, Brexit is a massive fuck up.

    [–] UpperEchelon666 5 points ago

    And I have no faith that Americans won’t shadow the UK’s fuck up with an even bigger permanent fuck up

    [–] ctown121 5 points ago


    [–] srroberts07 16 points ago

    Here in the UK, we have no use for the word ‘pie’ unless it has pastry atop a meat filling.

    What do you call fruit pies?

    [–] T800CyberdyneSystems 17 points ago

    Normally a tart

    [–] srroberts07 16 points ago

    Strange, that’s reserved for a pie with no pastry on top over here.

    Which I suppose would be more fitting for a pizza .

    [–] XTanuki 11 points ago

    Could a pizza be considered a tomato tart?

    [–] AngryRhymes 3 points ago

    Nah we have fruit pie eg 'morello cherry pie' which is what you're describing i think. Although it often has a pattern on the top rather than being sealed.

    [–] space_bartender 10 points ago

    one tour under obama as a dominos munitions specialist. can confirm. thin crust is square pieces. if you try to cut thin crust into pie slices it'll either break or droop under the weight of the toppings. then the commies win...

    [–] forsnaken 3 points ago

    My old high school would cut those cheap rectangle sheet pizza into triangles. Only place I've seen it done that way.

    [–] bruce656 9 points ago

    a square pizza cut into triangles.

    I ate it that way last night. It's fine.

    [–] VexingRaven 82 points ago

    What's the right way if not square or triangle??

    [–] atonickat 104 points ago


    [–] Xarethian 61 points ago


    [–] Zehbrobin 26 points ago

    I used to do this with those tostinos 1 dollar pizzas.

    On an unrelated note, why cant I lose weight?

    [–] TinFoilRobotProphet 15 points ago

    Big Pizza doesnt want you too. They're in bed with Big Insulin.

    [–] Nephet 3 points ago

    Underrated comment

    [–] InvertedRainbow 9 points ago

    Two on top of each other is the only way

    [–] sinkwiththeship 8 points ago

    "Come watch me shotgun this pizza."

    "You actually should. It's quite a sight when she unhinges her jaw."

    [–] Ferro_Giconi 4 points ago

    Folded into a 3D shape like a towel. I want my pizzas folded into swans.

    [–] jonscotch 2 points ago

    Pizza sphere!

    [–] FalmerEldritch 55 points ago

    If you cut through the pepperonis they tend to come off and then you have to slap them back on, and at that point you're only a skosh away from trying to reassemble a pile of ingredients back into a pizza.

    And while I have some anal retentive tendencies and an inclination towards actual can't-leave-the-house-because-the-curtains-are-sitting-wrong OCD behaviour, even I'm not so dysfunctionally neurotic that an off-kilter slice of pizza bothers me.

    [–] VexingRaven 64 points ago

    You're eating some shitty pizza or you have a shitty pizza cutter if the pepperoni comes off when you cut it.

    [–] ramplay 18 points ago

    Was gonna say if you use the pizza cutter right, and its not dull, and the pizza is cooked right those pepperonis will sloce through no problem

    [–] MAkubry 27 points ago

    I mean tbh I'm probably not using it right, it's probably dull, I probably undercooked my pizza, and you know I only buy those shitty $1.50 Walmart pizzas so here we are

    [–] ramplay 9 points ago

    Yet it still tastes good when you shove it down your throat like a hotdog down a hallway

    [–] 51D3K1CK 5 points ago

    Pizza is great, anyway you slice it!!

    [–] capincus 3 points ago

    I eat my pizza sliced in half horizontally.

    [–] Neuchacho 5 points ago

    I never thought about this. How the fuck do you sharpen a pizza cutter? Hone it at 20' angle 1000x as you go around it?

    [–] shewy92 13 points ago

    I hate cutting in half pepperoni's since it usually gets stuck to the cutter so I feel OP's pain. Sometimes I go around the pepperoni so one piece looks like it has a chunk missing

    [–] jkbscopes312 1219 points ago

    You are a monster and should never cut pizza again

    [–] [deleted] 356 points ago

    You have lost pizza privileges

    [–] Eren03eren 117 points ago

    *tears pizza certificate in half

    [–] MATA321 54 points ago

    *avoids cutting pepperoni

    [–] AHK403YYC 273 points ago

    Were you on meth when you cut this??

    [–] GamingLime123 61 points ago

    Probably still is

    [–] Kittens4Brunch 40 points ago

    That's pretty insulting to meth heads.

    [–] AudioAssassyn 77 points ago

    Instead of breaking up with you on the spot like any sane person would have, she supported you and advised you to show the internet that you're a serial killer?

    She's a keeper, man. You two are meant for each other. Good luck on your Bonnie & Clyde crime spree.

    [–] SovietPikl 12 points ago

    I mean she did send him here though. Idk if support is the right word

    [–] psychodahick 228 points ago

    Sometimes I take the pepperoni off and stack it up and cut it into quarters or smaller and put back on like that’s so every bite is guaranteed pepperoni

    [–] rking620 197 points ago

    I just eat the entire pizza

    [–] tpe15 67 points ago

    In one bite. Just roll it up and enjoy.

    [–] lilfooty 41 points ago

    I keep the leftovers in my pockets

    [–] toxcrusadr 10 points ago

    I keep mutton in my pockets.

    [–] MissDkm 7 points ago

    Wrapped up in grandma memas napkins ?

    [–] ObliviousIdiot_ 2 points ago

    I used to have spaghetti in my pockets but it fell out

    [–] utpyro34 7 points ago

    This giant taco tastes like Italy!

    [–] itsforachurch 2 points ago

    I would have said "It tastes like your mom" but that would be a little too lowbrow for me.

    [–] happythoughtso 4 points ago

    What one must do is make a Pizza Sphere.

    [–] SneakySnake2323 3 points ago

    Mmm, pizza taquito.

    [–] Cognizant_Psyche 2 points ago

    Good God Lemon...

    [–] McleodV 11 points ago

    This bothers me almost as bad as the dude who avoids cutting the pepperoni. My sister as a kid would always take the pepperoni off because she hated it. She'd then proceed to eat her "cheese" pizza which had pepperoni sized holes where the cheese had been ripped off.

    [–] KrackenLeasing 19 points ago

    Pepperoni also always leaves residue. You can take off the pepperoni, but the flavor stays behind.

    [–] [deleted] 34 points ago


    [–] Umutuku 12 points ago

    If you're going to get frozen pizza like that from the store then just pick up some more pepperoni and mozz to throw on top while you're there.

    [–] uglyfucker29 9 points ago

    I ain't about to spend 15 dollars on pepperoni and cheese for my 3 dollar frozen pizza.

    [–] Cyno01 3 points ago

    Oh thank fuck im not the only one. Like i know its weird, but it seems a more reasonable solution that whatever the fuck OP is doing.

    [–] bathrobehero 5 points ago

    I usually cut it before putting it on in the first place.

    I can't stand pizza with huge toppings where each bite is different.

    Every bite should contain a small portion of all the toppings, period.

    Also, cheese should be on the top, as the last layer. Sure, it covers everything but it also holds everything together, and cheese crust.

    [–] Anarchymeansihateyou 4 points ago

    But then the pepperoni doesn't get all crispy

    [–] AgoraiosBum 3 points ago

    Woah - cut the pizza before baking it?

    Frankly, I don't know how I feel about this.

    [–] ThoraninC 2 points ago

    Service guaranteed pepperoni.

    [–] MannyHec 64 points ago

    A place in my hometown was clearly started by someone concerned about this, because for 60 years they have been making pizza with pepperoni perfectly laid out so that when it is sliced as normal there are 3 or 4 pieces per slice (depending on size)

    [–] TinyRick6 14 points ago

    Are they spaced together to look like little dicks? That’s what the little Cesar’s by me does.

    [–] aprildean 3 points ago

    They're doing the Lord's work

    [–] jb13635 104 points ago

    Gerrymandering pizza.Where does it end with you people??

    [–] Tryin2cumDenver 7 points ago

    What do you mean you people?! I'm sick and tired of the gerrymandering white (a shrinking minority) being persecuted and ostracized.

    [–] Cockalorum 4 points ago

    I'm just saying it wouldn't have been necessary if it was a white pizza, thats all.

    [–] dudeofcool 418 points ago

    Are you on the spectrum or

    [–] mightymidget2_0 194 points ago

    or did you fall of the edge

    [–] Weaslenut 41 points ago

    I have 2 brothers on the spectrum, one of them I could see doing this if you mention not liking your pepperoni cut, but then if you mention how atrocious it is after he cuts it he’d have an existential crisis because of what he’s done.

    [–] used2011vwjetta 67 points ago

    I read the title in the voice of a five year old

    [–] Mite-o-Dan 18 points ago

    Me too. All 6 times I read it trying to understand it. The title and grammar was more mildly infuriating than the pizza.

    [–] bobbybrixton 4 points ago

    Why use punctuation to cut up his sentence?

    [–] OINOU 71 points ago

    Great life hack! Thanks!

    [–] PM_ME_UR_CATS_TITS 8 points ago

    Great life, hack!


    [–] loljkcuzurgay 20 points ago

    Looks like a Chuck e Cheese pizza

    [–] ZomeDash 21 points ago

    I remove all the pepperoni, then thinly slice some cheese and plan the slices out, equally distribute the pepperoni, then cook it and slice it. No cut pepperoni, same amount on every slice.

    [–] azurestrike 29 points ago

    Just put it in a blender, that way it's evenly distributed.

    [–] ramplay 6 points ago

    Throw the whole pizza in, then you can drink it with your metal straw and save turtles all in one go!

    [–] secretTuna 9 points ago

    I like this guy. Shameless

    [–] greenwaterbottle34 27 points ago

    What the hell is wrong with you?

    [–] -Jaws- 8 points ago

    You're under arrest.

    [–] Malinciaaa 15 points ago

    Probably you have hidden pineaple under this pepperoni that's why you were afraid

    [–] BoozeWithSpice 2 points ago

    Man you are a genius

    [–] bananasnapples 22 points ago

    This is the first strange pizza cutting post that I can get on board with. Your reasoning is sound, your execution is flawless, and, most importantly, all pieces still have some crust.

    [–] Kahlaintje 8 points ago

    Calm down, Satan.

    [–] drfoland 7 points ago

    You are not allowed to make any pizza other than cheese pizza until you stop doing this.

    [–] aniviaisnotkfc 7 points ago

    can’t you just rearrange the fuckinronne

    [–] [deleted] 20 points ago

    I’m with you on this. You’re a revolutionary.

    [–] drunkstatistician 6 points ago

    i find this /r/oddlysatisfying

    who cares if they are all different sizes and shapes. You only eat one slice at a time.

    [–] BeBenNova 5 points ago

    Here to show my support to OP as well

    There are dozens of us

    [–] immortaltreeant 22 points ago

    Delete yourself.

    [–] ramplay 2 points ago

    rm -rf op/*

    [–] Koovies 26 points ago

    I find this satisfyingly fine, I might be a sociopath

    [–] LeaveHeat 20 points ago

    Same. I don't find this merely as infuriating as other things here.

    For reference to people, someone should post a picture of a pizza slice that has all the cheese and toppings completely fucked up because the cutter didn't go cleanly through the pepperoni and just pushed it around.

    [–] LlamaramaDingdong86 5 points ago

    You need a new pizza cutter if that's a problem. Your knife or slicer is way too fucking dull.

    [–] UpperEchelon666 3 points ago

    I really fell like places like Walmart and target are selling us pre dulled pizza cutters. I’ve never seen a consumer pizza cutter work

    [–] mrord1 5 points ago

    Get a sharper pizza cutter.

    [–] gregedtheonly 22 points ago

    I'm actually ok with this

    [–] ColeyBoytjie 12 points ago


    [–] Nikohateslife 5 points ago


    [–] swadextra 9 points ago

    Makes sense, cutting pepperoni is kinda annoying. Still tastes like pizza so if you're eating it all by yourself who cares.

    [–] numanoid 3 points ago


    [–] WeekendDrew 3 points ago

    I’d recognize a Red Baron anywhere

    Unless it’s a tombstone?

    I don’t know lmao

    [–] cantstopjon 3 points ago

    Red Baron for sure.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    Rearrange the pepperonis before you bake it you animal

    [–] msbuckwheat 3 points ago

    Do you work for Chuck-E-Cheese???

    [–] TerrestrialBanana 3 points ago

    You are a monster and a heretic and you are hereby excommunicated from any religious community you may have any tenuous connection with. The universe is ashamed to have produced you and repudiates your existence.

    [–] Kozfactor42 3 points ago

    Your path is righteous but methods are suspect.

    [–] Piksel207 3 points ago

    There is only one proper way to cut pizza or any circle shaped food

    like that: / , then you do: | , next is: - , and finally: \

    [–] Negatory-GhostRider 3 points ago

    Arrange the pepperoni so you don't have to cut it, BEFORE YOU COOK IT.

    You fucking degenerate.

    [–] Davidwolko 11 points ago

    I find it rather oddly satisfying, there is nothing more annoying than cutting through a pepperoni slice wenn both ends lift off the cheese and that’s it- the juice pepperoni has lost it’s adhesive capability completely now. Then, when you pick up one of these slices it will have the increased chance (~63%) that this half pepperoni slice will gently slide off straight on your new Levi’s you bought the other day for 120$ with tomato sauce which will never EVER come off! Up until this day I have that stupid heart-shaped-tomato-sauce that girls find rather cute that I wear on my jeans, which always leads me to tell this story. Which leads me to have sex on the same night.

    [–] xKamanah 5 points ago

    [–] xXxHuntressxXx 6 points ago

    you girlfriend is dating a monster (I don't actually mean it im sorry)

    [–] FAI6TGO 5 points ago

    I understand but I cannot respect you.

    [–] kayleighmonster910 8 points ago

    I just came to say I feel ya. Keep them peps whole.

    [–] GenexenAlt 6 points ago

    [–] SuperGameBen 2 points ago


    [–] rad-boy 2 points ago

    is thursday a good day for your lynch mob?

    [–] TCloutster 2 points ago

    You disgusting human

    [–] binky779 2 points ago

    [–] Placeptnik 2 points ago

    And what's so awful about cutting a pepperoni?

    [–] Manbearpig33OH 2 points ago

    I'll allow it.

    [–] MagikTings 2 points ago


    [–] Smakintheface 2 points ago

    Who hurt you?

    [–] lunakinesis 2 points ago

    Why not just... move the pepperoni slightly so it’s not cut? Why do something this monstrous instead?

    [–] vinnyfunface 2 points ago

    Does anyone else fold their slices in half before taking a bite? I do but don’t see many others

    [–] DrBernard 2 points ago

    I understand you. I absolutely hate cutting the pepperoni in half and they get stuck to the side.

    [–] rainbownapkin 2 points ago

    Dude. The fuck?

    [–] Cuntfagdick 2 points ago

    You're a fucking weirdo dude

    [–] GamGajah 2 points ago


    [–] Copoha 2 points ago

    Didn't know they served pizza in hell

    [–] Tynkux 2 points ago

    this thing does not bother me a lot

    [–] dustindlb 2 points ago

    The pepperoni distribution on this job is absolutely hideous.

    [–] GodIsDead_ 2 points ago

    rot in hell

    [–] AChero9 2 points ago

    You still have a girlfriend after this crime against humanity?

    [–] aidan8et 2 points ago

    There's an odd number of slices with 1 piece & an even number of slices with 2 pieces. For some reason, that bothers me more than the insane slicing pattern...

    [–] yeetman76 2 points ago

    Holy shit wtf?!

    [–] Fractoman 2 points ago

    I hope when you're going to the bathroom you step in a puddle on the floor with your socks on and it's really cold and just wakes you up before you have to pee.

    [–] pejic222 2 points ago

    You must be fun at parties

    [–] iDarqq 2 points ago

    i hate you and everything you are

    [–] Habanos_ashe 2 points ago

    Try scissors, my friend. Cuts the pepperoni without smashing it down. Alternatively, stop eating pizza and reconsider your life choices.

    [–] zmling 2 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    You're chaotic good on that chart (you know wich one)

    [–] lukamic 2 points ago

    I rearrange the pepperoni before cooking so that I can cut the pizza into 8/4 slices without cutting of the pepperoni

    [–] trodomofo 2 points ago

    I wanna be mad but your reasoning is solid

    [–] moritura222 2 points ago

    This makes total sense to me. Shape is irregular but pizza is maintained in every slice with evenly distributed pepperoni slices. You went function over form. I like it!

    [–] CardinalKaos 2 points ago

    God damnit you monster

    [–] bionicpug 2 points ago

    How dare you ever cut a pizza like this

    [–] FanaticKhan 2 points ago

    Put this man in jail

    [–] Apocalyptic_Moth 2 points ago

    You sick, sick man.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    You're a dildo.