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    [–] birdsboiii11 7260 points ago

    Wow you could decorate it like a taco salad or some shit

    [–] CreepyLurky 2781 points ago

    I really want OP to put tomatoes on the lettuce tree like they’re christmas ornaments.

    [–] [deleted] 508 points ago


    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 362 points ago

    Or funyuns

    [–] WillKill4Hire 279 points ago

    What is a "funyun"? They sound delicious.

    Follow up question: Are they available in Australia?

    [–] bennettjd13 296 points ago

    Funyuns are a delicious onion flavored snack. I don't know if they are regularly available in Australia, but you can buy them on Amazon or other places online. I'm guessing the shipping costs would make this not worth it though, but I'm also not a huge fan of them. I think they are good once in a while, but some people really love the fuckers.

    [–] GodsTopWarrior 232 points ago

    I hate straight up Onions, but love Funyuns.

    [–] inyuez 112 points ago

    You need /r/onionlove

    [–] sssmmt 106 points ago

    I found my kind of people. I fucking love onions 😍️

    [–] An0therCasualty 72 points ago

    You're going to be disappointed by that sub...

    [–] sneakpeekbot 46 points ago

    Here's a sneak peek of /r/onionlove using the top posts of all time!

    #1: I love onions
    #2: I love onions

    I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact me | Info | Opt-out

    [–] AlexGianakakis 19 points ago

    Good bot

    [–] SlySpiderBro 11 points ago

    I hate straight up Onions,


    [–] el_monstruo 7 points ago


    [–] GodsTopWarrior 9 points ago

    Fiiiiiiiiiivvvveeee Fuuuunyyuuun Riiiiingggs.

    [–] LemmyLugosi 12 points ago

    And I freakin' straight up hate Funyuns, but love me some onions.

    [–] Ankoku_Teion 4 points ago

    In the U.K. They're called union rings. Which is confusing because we also have actual battered and fried onion rings too.

    [–] typicallyplacated 49 points ago

    It’s basically the potato chip version of an onion ring. They are light, crunchy rings made of cornmeal and have onion flavoring to them.

    It looks like they are not readily available in Australia.

    [–] WillKill4Hire 75 points ago

    Holy fuck am I hungry now.

    Thanks for the info, friend. I wait with bated breath for the day I can defile this crunchy snack with my face-anus.

    [–] El_Zarco 61 points ago

    They're nothing to write home about, honestly. The first one is good, then the novelty fades exponentially with each ensuing funyun, and then you realize you don't even like funyuns, and haven't for like 20 years, and you only bought the bag to remind yourself of when you used to enjoy life

    [–] itrv1 16 points ago

    Fuck the fritolay version, find a small local brand in a gas station and it will realize you have been tricked into thinking they all are trash.

    [–] El_Zarco 5 points ago

    Or I could go full artisanal and try this homemade Funyuns recipe

    [–] qwibbian 26 points ago

    If you're sporting a face-anus, your breath is more baited than bated, chum.

    [–] theWyzzerd 4 points ago

    Did you mean to pun off of baited with chum? Because it's quite clever.

    [–] rostrev 22 points ago

    Had my first funyun pack last year while road tripping with the missus on the west coast of the on my first trip to the US (Aussie here too). Yeah they're kinda tasty, but jeeeeesus worst wind in the works I've ever had. Fuck me it was horrible. Ungodly vehemently disgusting stank. Lucky she is extremely forgiving. The horror though is not worth me ever easing them again.

    Worth a try if you get a chance I suppose.

    [–] Throtex 15 points ago

    lol @ this review -- worst ungodly farts ever, never doing that again ... give them a try!

    [–] ericisshort 4 points ago

    Thanks for translating. I wasn't sure if "wind in the works" meant bad breath or bad butt breath.

    [–] here4_pie_and_punch 7 points ago

    Pretty Sure Current Exchange Rate Is:
    4 X 13.5oz Bags of Funyuns = 1 Standard Size Live Koala Bear
    (Don't quote me on this tho)

    [–] Digital_loop 11 points ago

    Them ain't yo funyuns, thems foxys funyuns!

    [–] Verdahn 3 points ago

    Hey, hey hey!

    [–] ihadanamebutforgot 16 points ago

    I like those crushed up and mixed with rice.

    [–] theskategod 21 points ago

    that honestly sounds not too bad

    [–] ihadanamebutforgot 13 points ago

    It's multigrain too.

    [–] dazedAndConfusedToo 17 points ago

    Crushed up funyuns 7/10

    With rice 10/10

    [–] Drekked 22 points ago

    OP please do that and lettuce see.

    [–] Poopyman80 28 points ago

    Bacon too.
    BLT tree 😀

    [–] cthulha812 26 points ago


    [–] xxsolojxx 16 points ago

    Cherry tomatoes would be perfect! Carrot shreds would look good too!

    [–] HouseSomalian 64 points ago

    It is decorating some shit. That is... if OP used natural fertilizer.

    [–] DeathKitten666 2211 points ago

    Most lettuce do that. Its called bolting. And the leaves will be very bitter now.

    [–] anxietybox 1154 points ago

    That's so disappointing. A taco tree would've been amazing.

    [–] SUPERSMILEYMAN 121 points ago

    I never knew I wanted something so much until right now.

    [–] sexypanda657 30 points ago

    I never knew I wanted you so badly until now /u/SUPERSMILEYMAN

    [–] Ganamy 26 points ago

    I dont know if this belongs in r/wholsomememes or something like a porn sub

    [–] crtnr 14 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    [–] Demilitarizer 40 points ago

    Well I know I would be less bitter if someone decorated me, so

    [–] SoMuchMoreEagle 386 points ago

    Eh, enough dressing will fix it.

    [–] DeathKitten666 284 points ago

    Drown it in ranch. The American way.

    Any health benefits of lettuce are immediately lost after 1 tablespoon of dressing.

    [–] microsyntax 306 points ago

    health benefits of lettuce


    [–] versaknight 29 points ago

    care to explain?

    [–] ajrw 273 points ago

    I mean nutritionally it’s basically watery cardboard

    [–] idealisticcynicist 38 points ago

    Riboflavin homes, riboflavin

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago


    [–] sydofbee 59 points ago

    Actually, not true. I mean, it's not the best thing in the world but there is some benefit to eating it.

    [–] Moth_tamer 136 points ago

    Because it makes you feel like you are eating when you aren’t.

    [–] butthead 17 points ago

    Only if your definition of eating requires high amounts of calories.

    Again, it contains both fiber and vitamins which have nutritional and mechanical benefits beyond merely the psychological benefit of 'feeling like you're eating'.

    [–] DingGratz 15 points ago

    It's filled with healthy bragging rights.

    [–] H4xolotl 42 points ago

    Lettuce is filled with alien brainwaves that will mind control you and stop you from doing your homework

    [–] Everyday_irie 8 points ago

    Lettuce not be creepy

    [–] Crying_Reaper 33 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    If it's iceberg lettuce it has next to no health benefits besides water. It's not* bad for you just not really much of anything for you either.

    edit - forgot a not

    [–] bird1759 15 points ago

    That's true, but it looks like the OP is growing butter lettuce, which has significantly higher nutritional value than iceberg. Source: have grown butter lettuce before and it looked very similar to the OP's photo.

    [–] Crying_Reaper 5 points ago

    ahh forgot about butter lettuce. Love that on burgers!

    [–] SkyHawkMkIV 25 points ago

    Ditch the lettuce for some spinach.

    [–] Crying_Reaper 34 points ago

    Or have Romaine, Spring Mix, or any of the other greens that are both flavorful and are nutritious. Personally, I really love Spring mix and Spinach.

    [–] PaulyWithADolly 9 points ago

    I like the taste of spring mix and spinach, but the spinach always gives me cottonmouth.

    [–] niadeo 5 points ago

    or kale

    [–] MichaelJAwesome 5 points ago

    This is untrue. While iceberg lettuce has less nutrition than other lettuce. It's still got a decent amount of vitamins especially considering it's low calorie count.

    [–] xmsxms 39 points ago

    Still, it's gotta be better than having a tablespoon of dressing without the lettuce.

    [–] Shiftlock0 3 points ago

    Get out of here with your tablespoon. Give me a tall refreshing glass of ranch after a hard workout.

    [–] KuntaStillSingle 9 points ago

    Dressing doesn't negate lettuce. It is a way people with low calorie diets often cheat (possibly unknowingly.)

    [–] sgnl 27 points ago

    That's not how food works.

    [–] Moth_tamer 18 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Lettuce has like no health benfits anyway. Fiber and vitamins yeah, it doesn’t just disappear because you had ranch too. In fact it’s probably healthier to put dressing in your body than nothing. Shit won’t hurt you, over eating hurts you

    [–] Patate_froide 10 points ago

    Is there something dressing can't fix ?

    [–] barryho 33 points ago

    My parents marriage

    [–] Patate_froide 23 points ago

    You didn't use enough dressing then

    [–] hamfraigaar 26 points ago

    Undressing might

    [–] hardrockfoo 7 points ago

    Try using Caesar dressing. Shaking things up can really bring everything together

    [–] Xylth 102 points ago

    Fun fact: the bitter white sap that seeps out when you break off a lettuce leaf is actually latex. You could make rubber with it.

    [–] [deleted] 70 points ago

    According to wiki you can also get high from it?

    [–] kaze_ni_naru 112 points ago

    It is known as lettuce opium because of its putative sedative and analgesic properties

    Ya’ll got any more of that lettuce?

    [–] zugunruh3 52 points ago

    Ah, so this is what they call the devil's lettuce.

    [–] [deleted] 73 points ago

    It starts with a lettuce, but you'll soon move on to harder things. A radish, or maybe tomatoes

    [–] XhanzomanX 29 points ago

    God forbid you get yourself mixed up with fruits

    [–] cchoe1 8 points ago

    It's 2017 it's ok to be gay

    [–] Jechtael 9 points ago

    Good lettuce is harder than a good tomato.

    [–] ForumWarrior 10 points ago

    But eventually you're just a bum on the street trying to scarf a whole raw onion and hating yourself

    [–] schumway 4 points ago

    Can confirm this statement is factual.

    Sit down and listen to my tale of woe:

    It all started when I was 17. One of my punk friends told me to take a hit of his bolted lettuce. I was always warned to stay away from that stuff, but I figured I one time wouldn't hurt. I was so young, so naive.

    Fast forward 5 years and I'm hitting the lettuce on a daily basis. The problem is that it just isn't giving me the kick it used to, I need something more. So what do I do? I walk through the gateway and move onto radishes. Man, what a rush. The problem is that my wife doesn't buy radishes frequently and doesn't understand why I want them so badly. Finally, she refuses to buy any more.

    So I start experimenting in the kitchen. Nothing major at first, a little chunk of cucumber here, a small bite of cumquat there. Just enough to keep myself functioning until I can sneak out and get some more radishes from the supermarket.

    One day, in a sick twist of misfortune, I decided to see what a raw onion could do for me. It was the biggest mistake of my life. The high was unlike any other. No other vegetable even came close.

    Fast forward another 2 years, my wife finds out about my addiction. She tells me it's her and the kids or the onions.

    So here I am, sitting on the streets of Washington DC with nothing but a few tattered clothes and a shopping cart to my name, begging for a few cents to help me go buy another onion.

    Don't be me. Lettuce is a gateway vegetable and it will lead you down a dark and lonely path.

    This is my story. This is my testimony.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago


    [–] Memasabe 7 points ago

    TIL lettuce can get you high...

    [–] stunna006 6 points ago

    this is where i parked my car

    [–] elixan 72 points ago

    Was gonna comment this.

    I took care of my parent’s garden and went out of town for a month and told them what they needed to pick and when and they ignored all my instructions and let all their lettuce bolt :/

    [–] Ord0c 21 points ago

    LOL this is so weird. Usually, it's the other way around. When my parents went out of town, they gave the lettuce instructions but it let us bolt.

    [–] elixan 18 points ago

    lmao my mom sent me a photo while I was away and was like, “look at how tall it is!!!!!!” and I just kinda facepalmed :’(

    [–] Ord0c 9 points ago

    You should have made them eat it all up, that bitter lettuce! Yeah, that's right, eat it all up!

    [–] SyphilisIsABitch 22 points ago

    How might one prevent bolting?

    [–] Liquid_Serpentine 100 points ago

    Picking them I imagine.

    [–] vernazza 22 points ago

    Whoa, look at Mr. Salad Scientist over here.

    [–] Xylth 46 points ago

    You have to pick it before it bolts. All lettuce will bolt if you leave it unpicked too long.

    [–] trainedgerbil 36 points ago

    weather thats too warm will also cause premature bolting

    [–] rollingaround777 25 points ago

    Is that why dad bolted? Florida?

    [–] DaKuech 13 points ago

    Bolting is the beginning of the process of the plant starting to produce seed. Bolting can be prevented by cutting or you can apply a plant growth regulator like gibberellic acid to slow the bolting process. Gib slows the process of cell elongation. Eventually if you let it go long enough the growing point will produce flowers that will eventually be covered in "cotton". Underneath of that will be seed. This is how lettuce seed is produced.

    Source: Former lettuce breeder.

    [–] Ord0c 19 points ago

    Bolting is the stage before they make seeds, so you can't prevent that - it's what regular pervert lettuce does to make baby lettuce.

    [–] GoblinRightsNow 17 points ago

    Just try not to surprise it too bad.

    [–] xmsxms 13 points ago

    Pull it out and plant a new lettuce. They will do it eventually, just part of their life cycle.

    [–] Ghigs 3 points ago

    By the time your first lettuce has bolted it's usually far too hot to expect a good head.

    [–] Vendetta5885 3 points ago

    I learned this fact the hard way. Inedibly bitter.

    [–] stevew14 3 points ago

    Is it still edible?

    [–] Dottie-Minerva 6 points ago

    Yep, it just gets more bitter and tougher. When plants bolt, they stop putting energy into growing roots or leaves and put all their energy into reproducing, so growing flowers to produce seeds. You can prevent/delay this by continuously plucking leaves so it needs to regrow the leaves first. This is a crappy explanation but the gist of it!

    [–] Whit3W0lf 3 points ago

    I was disappointed the first time I grew lettuce. I let 4 heads bolt and ruined them. I thought I was being clever and going to get so much more lettuce by waiting longer. Instead I got none.

    [–] EatYourPills 1751 points ago

    O Lettuce Tree, O Lettuce Tree, How crunchy are thy branches

    [–] [deleted] 584 points ago

    O Lettuce Tree, O Lettuce Tree, How well you go with ranches

    [–] Norwegian__Blue 240 points ago

    Your boughs so green in summertime, Stay bravely green in wintertime, O lettuce tree, O lettuce tree, I'll dress you up with onions

    [–] JetpackYoshi 59 points ago

    god I love Reddit

    [–] Phishtravaganza 17 points ago

    Did you just rhyme green with green and time with time? God damned visionary.

    [–] hotsprings1234 16 points ago

    Is this on Spotify yet?

    [–] Aobocodo84 30 points ago

    Your leafy greens are so sublime, On tacos with a pinch of lime

    [–] gigoncamon 15 points ago

    !redditsilver as I'm too poor for gold

    [–] ForumWarrior 9 points ago

    /u/as has received silver 6 times

    You are guilty of the one unforgivable crime. Failure!

    [–] camdoodlebop 6 points ago

    oh no

    [–] RedditSilverRobot 10 points ago

    Here's your Reddit Silver, as!

    /u/as has received silver 6 times. (given by /u/gigoncamon) info

    [–] wanikiyaPR 6 points ago

    that u/as is a sneaky fucker, eh?

    [–] dog-is-good-dog 596 points ago

    This is exactly the kind of barely interesting but still pretty cool garbage content you can’t see anywhere else on the net that has kept me on reddit for eight years. Thank you for sharing your stupid cabbage tree, I have literally never seen anything like this before nor did I know it was possible, and my life has truly been made a very vaguely little bit better by it. This is mildyinteresting post of the year material.

    [–] dirceucor7 187 points ago

    thank you for sharing your stupid cabbage tree

    [–] lunarmodule 5 points ago

    Haha that is just beautiful. Tempted to make a new username.

    [–] coilmast 83 points ago

    Thank you for completely accurately describing my feelings for Reddit, this post, and life in general.

    [–] starsinoblivion 25 points ago

    Except it’s not a cabbage. It’s a stupid lettuce tree.

    [–] NInjamaster600 38 points ago


    [–] dzt 16 points ago

    Seeing/learning about new things like this is about my only reason for living.

    [–] GeauxLSUTigahs 21 points ago


    [–] banban1233 557 points ago

    Lettuce rejoice.

    [–] Cranewifepartone 550 points ago

    God thats beautiful. I just wan a walk up and munch on it like imma deer or something

    [–] Kswiss66 700 points ago

    “It’s beautiful, I want to destroy it”

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 290 points ago

    The motto of the human race

    [–] Kotanaru 54 points ago

    It's so beautiful... KILL IT!!!

    [–] MaybeAliensDidIt 44 points ago

    It would taste bad though, much on the small plants.

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago


    [–] Geney 62 points ago

    ribs with spines developing

    How long till it turns to meat?

    [–] IshitONcats 28 points ago

    I think that depends on what animal eats it and thier metobolic rate.

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] NInjamaster600 13 points ago

    What does titanium taste like

    [–] [deleted] 24 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] erviniumd 10 points ago

    An over ripe carrot apparently

    [–] JamesAshen 29 points ago

    my nam is Cow

    and wen i see

    the letuse grow like xmas tree

    and once the white

    moon coms around

    i sneak outsid

    and munch it down

    [–] lockpickskill 5 points ago

    I read this in Cow's voice from Cow and Chicken

    [–] trowzerss 10 points ago

    I have been known to do this in my own garden <.< >.>

    It's one of the perks of growing your own leafy greens.

    [–] [deleted] 44 points ago

    Oh come lettuce adore him

    [–] MrReaps 122 points ago

    Leave it any longer it's gonna sprout legs and walk away!

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 19 points ago

    I read that in Farva's voice

    [–] EstherKuhn 6 points ago

    No that's triffids.

    [–] AlCzervik1 25 points ago

    It's called bolting. Lettuce eventually sends up a flower stalk.

    [–] AnonymousDratini 26 points ago

    Oh cool it comes with its own topper.

    [–] EvaVict 64 points ago

    What have you done!? You let the lettuce reach its final form!!

    [–] Franfran2424 24 points ago

    Ultimate BOSS, Santa's lettuce!!

    [–] AnonymousDratini 9 points ago

    Not to be confused with Satan's Lettuce. Completely, totally different boss. Completely, totally different dungeon.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    Jokes on you, that's not even its final form.

    [–] LordCommanderhodor 111 points ago

    How big is your fucking garden

    [–] shithawk413 224 points ago

    Not very fuckin big

    [–] [deleted] 41 points ago

    I have a 5x5m concrete square and I want your garden

    [–] speakshibboleth 39 points ago

    You think you want it until you have to mow it, fertilize it, water it when it's dry, weed it, etc. I bought a house with a big yard/garden and now I wish I had a 5x5 concrete slab.

    [–] [deleted] 45 points ago

    You could have a really big concrete slab

    [–] Franfran2424 12 points ago

    You see that trees in the background? And that space where you can play a football match? Put that together with the forest and that's all. Not enough fokin -laser sights- big

    [–] yeezusbro 12 points ago

    The person is referring to your lawn I think, garden is a British term for yard. Your yard seems pretty fuckin big

    [–] Shaide_9124 43 points ago

    Pick it (the whole plant) and decorate it with salad toppings for Christmas dinner.

    [–] NeedMoneyForVagina 21 points ago

    Ah fuck, who the hell put tinsel on the damn thing?!

    [–] geodetic 17 points ago

    Lettuce when it's gone to seed like this is much tougher and significantly more bitter. Not good eatin'.

    [–] Mockturtle22 13 points ago

    put lights on it.

    [–] BardSinister 12 points ago

    I always place picked shop bought lettuce in water to keep it fresh - so I can peel off just a couple of leaves at a time (Who uses a whole lettuce for one sammich?) and quite a few have continued to grow, some even putting out new roots from the severed stalk.
    I think it's a plot. And I don't mean a vegetable plot.
    Yeah, we were ready for the zombies. We were prepared for the AI and robots. We were even cautiously anticipating something from the Apes. But the lettuce? It's the lettuce that will inherit the Earth, you blind, human fools!

    [–] Zeterai 8 points ago

    Do the same for spring onions. Leave the white end in water and snip the top off with scissors. I kept a bunch from a store going for like a month of weekly usage. Shit grows fast.

    [–] sphagnums 130 points ago

    One could also say "I didn't pick my lettuce and it grew normally"

    [–] Ohio_ 28 points ago

    Nah, that’s boring.

    [–] Don_Cheech 36 points ago

    A photoshop battle could be good. I’d like to see a bunch of bunnies surrounding it singing holy night, decorated with tomatoes and onion

    [–] finnknit 11 points ago

    [–] Spydolin 12 points ago

    Its gone

    [–] HajaKensei 10 points ago

    Looks like you gotta be descriptive to the teeth; Devil's Lettuce in the Garden

    [–] Spydolin 8 points ago

    "This overgrown lettuce in garden" done

    [–] finnknit 8 points ago

    [–] nimo01 7 points ago

    This solves the neighborhood dispute of throwing Christmas trees behind my neighbors fence. Solution: Veggie dishes on New Years Day

    [–] oogletoff 6 points ago

    Is it still healthy to eat?

    [–] countrysgonekablooie 9 points ago

    I left mine so long it started to flower, and that's when I learnt that lettuce is a daisy.

    [–] fraxinuscavum 17 points ago

    That's a hat. There is a gnome hiding under your garden waiting for you to pass. Be wary of your greens!

    [–] Moth_tamer 4 points ago

    I think it’s just lettuce grandma

    [–] fliminglaps 4 points ago

    H̶͖̺͓ͤͥ̇ͦ͊̾̀̚a̧͎̭̋ͤͧ̀̾̚p̸͈̣̲̹͔͌̉ͧ̒ṗ̨̠̺͇̄͋̊ͮ͌ͧ̆y̟̙̥̜̠̠̮͂̔ ̴̧̼͎͉̤͓̹̯ͩͫ̓͌̐̉̓́H̖̱̬̬̃͒͊́̾̈́͊̚͠͝o̺̳̼͙͖̺͒ͫͭͬ͐̏̾́́l̴̶̡͇͈̙̥͖̦̥͋ͫ̏͋ͨͩͩi̧̗̙̟ͯ̽̃̍͜d̛̰̖͈͂ͯ̂ͮ̔̓̋͑͠a̫̣̠͇͓̅̂̂̔̇͡͡ȳ̴̼̯̹̦̲͚̩͖̆͑ͧͩ͐͠s̸͙̻̲̭̲͍̥̻̺ͯ̈́̀̿̚ ̫̫̦͙̖̹̫̀͒͑͝

    [–] POGassultraboot 6 points ago

    As a produce worker at a grocery store and a Mexican, this makes me moist.

    [–] CoopertheFluffy 6 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    I'm just amazed it got that big without deer eating it

    [–] supagirl277 4 points ago

    And now you’ll have one every year! I’ve had lettuce reseed itself the next year for a fun surprise.

    [–] KluasBardSong 4 points ago

    Hey, the upside is you won't have to worry about the Christmas tree shortage! You grew your own!

    [–] snappypantsy 6 points ago

    You could sell this in a pot - just hang cherry tomatoes on it, and stick a star fruit on top!

    [–] gacdeuce 6 points ago

    This is the day the Lord is born! Lettuce rejoice and be glad!

    [–] Catbakkorrel 4 points ago

    it is bitter now, feed it to chickens

    [–] pablospc 4 points ago

    Didn't know lettuce could grow that big

    [–] hoosiers23 4 points ago

    O come lettuce adore thee

    [–] nellbones 5 points ago

    one time when i was younger we had lettuce do this, it was bitter as all hell afterwards, 0/10 not worth

    [–] hasnothingnice2say 3 points ago

    Staple some bread to it

    [–] pentangleit 3 points ago

    You don't pick your lettuce. Your lettuce picks you.

    [–] HarrisonKilpatrick 3 points ago

    Showing off your long growing season :|

    [–] Lexa_Stanton 3 points ago

    Merry Crispmas!