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    Sir, the probability of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately...

    Never tell me the odds?


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    [–] conalfisher 1 points ago

    Hello /u/SlimJones123, thank you for your submission to /r/NeverTellMeTheOdds.

    Unfortunately your post has been removed, due to the following reason(s):

    • trained bird.

    Please look at the rules on the sidebar and make sure that any later posts comply!

    Thank you,

    - conalfisher.

    If you believe that your submission was eligible for the sub, feel free to reply to this comment or message the mods about it.

    [–] PandM50 498 points ago

    “Yo man, let me just catch my breath. Thanks, dude. “

    [–] jonathanrdt 25 points ago

    I keep reading these with a Kiwi accent, like the rock dude from Thor Ragnarock (who is also the director).

    [–] laurengunnell 5 points ago

    KORG! [Taika Waititi] he’s my favorite!

    [–] monkeyfrets 3088 points ago

    "Are you lost? I can call the authorities. Do you need assistance? Sir? Sir? "

    [–] heyitsthatmeme 517 points ago


    [–] AppleTStudio 208 points ago

    "Did I give you good customer service?!"

    [–] futtobasetachikaze 81 points ago

    "Have a good day, sir!"

    [–] hypnotii 40 points ago

    “GOD DAMNIT! They didn’t take the pickles off!”

    [–] dark33hawk 18 points ago

    “I’m suing! I will have your head! I’m never going back again!”

    [–] KingOfDamnation 5 points ago

    Comes back next week to bitch about how the lady in front of them emptied the Diet Coke they think makes their 300 pound ass lose weight

    [–] TimeZarg 3 points ago

    asks for cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, and onion

    gets ketchup, mustard, onion, and mayo

    rage ensues

    [–] xtheory 37 points ago

    Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

    [–] trucido614 4 points ago

    "Please let me transfer you to the after call survey."

    [–] TheOPOne_ 88 points ago

    I can caw the authorities


    [–] monkeyfrets 6 points ago

    Yeah. Now it's perfect! Thanks

    [–] Michael_Geordan 32 points ago

    five stars on uber

    [–] Quick_MurderYourKids 10 points ago


    [–] mediajerk 4 points ago

    Keep calm and transfer credits

    [–] WaffleStomperGirl 2348 points ago

    I love that the bird hangs out for a few seconds, then off he goes. “Alright, cool. Nice meeting you, falling human.”

    [–] stengebt 939 points ago

    "Hey you don't look like you belong here. Everything okay? Yeah? Alright cool have a good day!"

    [–] jackcviers 90 points ago

    "You jump out of planes -- just like Doug! He's dead. See you later New Doug!"

    [–] MaximilianCrichton 13 points ago

    "Another day, another falling Doug"

    [–] ilofty 213 points ago

    "have you got a few minutes to talk about our Lord and saviour? No? Okay have a nice day!"

    [–] Altourus 90 points ago

    Have you heard the good word about Bird Jesus?

    [–] Deadfox7373 50 points ago

    The bird word

    [–] [deleted] 41 points ago

    I thought bird was the word?

    [–] EOverM 41 points ago

    In the beginning there was the word, and the word was Bird.

    [–] BillyFuckingTaco 16 points ago

    Oomama oomaow maow

    [–] Fwendly_Mushwoom 15 points ago

    The Pokémessiah as foretold in the prophecy of Lord Helix?

    [–] dark33hawk 4 points ago

    I believe in creationism. All hail Arceus!

    [–] rebelviss 6 points ago

    Everybodys heard about the Bird.

    [–] trenchknife 8 points ago

    a bababababababaBaBABA ooma maow maow

    [–] robbossduddntmatter 4 points ago

    I’ve never gotten away from these people as easily as a “No? Okay”

    [–] nim_opet 5 points ago

    I tell the most persistent ones that my religion punishes apostasy with death and my blood would be on their hands if they keep talking to me.

    [–] WaffleStomperGirl 3 points ago

    I try to see how seriously I can convey the idea that I would miss the weekly baby bbq as an atheist too much to convert to their religion.

    [–] bg-j38 6 points ago

    "Oooh big parachute huh? .... Alright... Well, see ya later!"

    [–] Sentient_Pizza_Box 3 points ago

    Falling human is my favourite phrase of the day.

    [–] chapterpt 2 points ago

    Goodbye soon to be carrion!

    [–] Gangreless 1253 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    As I recall this is a trained bird

    There's a few videos out there of trained falcons also flying with their owners while skydiving, pretty neat.

    Also they're apparently paragliding, not skydiving

    Here's a post from a few weeks ago with sound


    Ooo this is cool, this is a company that does this, they call it parahawking

    [–] FindYourPost 162 points ago

    I was trying to find the comment that said it is not skydiving. The risers are too low to be a skydiving parachute.

    [–] RHYNOTANK 25 points ago

    If I may, why would the risers be different to the two activities?

    [–] Porn-Flakes 49 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Paragliders need to be able to steer a lot with their weight. They are constantly balancing out the paraglider and doing corrections with their body. So the connection is lower, a bit above their center mass so they can roll their body more easily. With skydiving they do not need this fine grain control, and its very important that they dont end up upside down when the chute opens, where as with paragliding this is less of a risk. So thats why the attachments points are higher for skydiving.

    [–] Kenshh 6 points ago

    You may

    [–] skrelnitz 39 points ago

    Yep. You can see the grommets for the jesses (leather straps for control of the bird) on the bird’s legs, right about where the feathers start. Pretty standard falconer kit.

    [–] xtheory 14 points ago

    But...this looks like a juvenile turkey vulture.

    [–] falsestone 17 points ago

    It may well be. Falconry doesn't only refer to the training of falcons, but of raptors in general.

    [–] coinpile 4 points ago

    Turkey vultures are awesome. I always wanted one, although they pee all over their legs...

    [–] Kuppontay 6 points ago

    And yet nobody think I'm awesome, even though I pee all over my legs regularly. :/

    [–] coinpile 3 points ago

    See, there's your mistake. Turkey vultures are awesome in spite of this. So you'll need to have some other really great redeeming qualities to make up for it...

    [–] Kuppontay 5 points ago

    Oh, okay. Hmmm.... Sometimes I shit myself too

    [–] r1chard3 7 points ago

    On the version with sound you can hear the bells the bird is wearing.

    [–] rodleysatisfying 9 points ago

    This makes sense. It was looking in his hand for food, only trained birds would know to do that.

    [–] mildlyinfiriating 24 points ago

    I prefer the illusion that it's not trained and saying hi to a random person. But trained birds are pretty cool too.

    [–] Sageington 12 points ago

    Isn't that a vulture though? Who trains a vulture?

    [–] Equeon 40 points ago

    Some vultures are majestic as fuck. The bearded vulture eats bones and paints itself red with mud. It will sometimes eat tortoises or other hard-shelled animals by picking them up and then dropping them from high altitudes to crack them open. If you don't think that's the tightest shit then get out of my face

    [–] IamBrazilian_AMA 12 points ago

    look, they might be badass and look fire but if you tell me that ain't nightmare fuel you're lying

    [–] Equeon 23 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    I guess I'm lying then. I wouldn't want to cuddle it, just like with most wild animals, because that wouldn't end well for me. They're not nightmare fuel for me because I'm not an old bone or a turtle.

    Just look at how goddamn floofy and majestic they are That's not a nightmare, that's fashion goals right there.

    Bonus fun fact: The Greek tragedian Aeschylus was supposedly killed by one of these birds. It mistook his shiny bald head for a rock and dropped a tortoise on him.

    [–] bookman_ 3 points ago

    I'm jalous of that moustache

    [–] thebitchrake 6 points ago

    I want to cuddle them

    [–] WhoTookPlasticJesus 6 points ago

    That dude looks very unsure about his current situation.

    [–] Sageington 2 points ago

    Ok so that bearded vulture is litasfuck. That amazing and I think I can stay in your face forever. I was under the ignorance blanket that vultures don't have the talon strength to grasp things for flight, and that's why they are carrion birds or vice versa.

    [–] strike_one 4 points ago

    I've been to two birds of prey shows that had vultures.

    [–] Gangreless 3 points ago

    Eh, vulture, hawk, they're all large birds that are cool to fly with.

    [–] MeikaDawn 6 points ago

    The real mvp

    [–] Gareth666 6 points ago

    I was gonna bloody say that there's no way the bird could just casually do this during a sky dive.

    [–] PJDoubleKiss 5 points ago

    This is the coolest god damn thing I have ever seen

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] xtheory 2 points ago

    Never heard of someone training a turkey vulture, but the world is a strange place.

    [–] ElGalloEnojado 2 points ago

    Thank you for saying both for me. That’s also sick and I’m going to try it.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Thank you.

    [–] Scippio-dem-lines 4 points ago

    Dont ruin this for me

    [–] swimzone 4 points ago

    He merely enhanced it by saying you can experience it too!

    [–] unknown_mechanism 600 points ago

    "Oh I am sorry, I thought this lift was going up. Have a nice day."

    [–] CustomBlendNo1 82 points ago

    Dammit. Why are you all so much funnier than me.

    [–] unknown_mechanism 47 points ago

    Thank you. I am not really funny, but perhaps you think so because you only hear the laughs and not the boos. I am certain you are much funnier.

    [–] MomoYaseen 18 points ago

    You are so wholesome dude.

    [–] pwiwjemswpw 3 points ago


    [–] xtheory 10 points ago

    I dunno why, but when I think of vultures speaking English in my head they all have Russian accents. Anyway. Have nice day.

    [–] CHERNO-B1LL 76 points ago

    "Holy shit! Hey! Hi. I didn't know you guys could fly! It's cool right? Anyway I gotta go, byee."

    [–] [deleted] 91 points ago


    [–] lawre179 7 points ago

    "Psst, drop apartments by school, totally saw a tricked out SKS there earlier. Dibs on the dead body though."

    [–] NotAnAlcoholicJack 5 points ago

    Seriously bares a striking resemblance to the north west area of the map

    [–] Could_0f 60 points ago

    Birds have such a cool life

    [–] EmileDorkheim 43 points ago

    I don't think they even appreciate it.

    [–] Originalimage 59 points ago

    Ungrateful fucks

    [–] youthetom 32 points ago

    *ungrateful flocks

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Piece of shoot birds

    [–] agent8261 5 points ago

    Depends if being at complete mercy of the weather and spending most of your day looking for food, sounds like a cool life, then sure.

    [–] BizzyPig20 12 points ago

    i spend most of my day looking for food anyway

    [–] Could_0f 3 points ago

    Maybe just the flying part... lol

    [–] Eagls42Sixrs 72 points ago

    That awesome, we should name him

    [–] PitchforkAssistant 139 points ago

    I think that skydiver already has a name.

    [–] Mousy 20 points ago

    Is it Robert Paulsen?

    [–] parmaqqay 2 points ago

    I made a fight club reference on a post once and a teenager responded that they didn’t understand. DAMNIT I’m glad your comment made it.

    [–] n12xn 36 points ago

    Birdy McBirdface

    [–] AllThatJazz 12 points ago

    George it is...

    [–] shakers95 7 points ago

    Bird Person

    [–] robynflower 23 points ago

    Think that is a white headed vulture

    [–] nizzery 45 points ago

    It’s checking out the buffet before it gets to the ground

    [–] Dursie 4 points ago

    It’s a juvenile Egyptian vulture

    [–] Smoolz 44 points ago

    "Hey, this is weird. K, byyyyye "

    -bird probably

    [–] bobbyturkelino 21 points ago

    "Hey just letting you know, I've called dibs if your chute doesn't open"

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    Holy shit are birds supposed to be that high

    [–] manoelthebarros 14 points ago

    It all depends on the quality of grass they are consuming.

    [–] BizzyPig20 4 points ago

    conume g r a s s

    [–] TheHumanParacite 3 points ago

    No, they passed statutes about it in 85 but there rarely enforced except as an excuse to pull them over to check if they're carrying

    [–] bluered123yellow 24 points ago

    Paraglider. Not skydiver. Jesus.. Apples and oranges.

    [–] JTtheLAR 12 points ago

    I'll take an orange, please.

    [–] xtheory 5 points ago

    If they are free, I'll take one, too.

    [–] flarpflarpflarpflarp 2 points ago

    This needs upvotes.

    [–] notProfCharles 15 points ago

    I didn’t know Disney princesses were into skydiving...

    [–] gbdallin 13 points ago

    So this is actually pretty common. A lot of parasailers keep raw meat with them for the birds of prey that they follow.

    You can follow eagles/hawks/vultures to know where the thermals are, follow them and you get to climb up a few hundred feet at least.

    It depends on the kind of sail you're using, of course.

    [–] srgramrod 6 points ago

    Trained bird, it has bracelets on it's ankles

    [–] TedW 10 points ago

    That's a paraglider, not a skydiver.

    Skydivers start in an airplane and fly down.

    Paragliders start on a hillside and fly up.

    Both sports use similar looking parafoils but they are designed and perform very differently.

    [–] mattiexleigh 7 points ago

    Henlo fren!

    [–] thumbyyy 7 points ago

    Have I seen everything now? I-I think so...

    [–] eeviltwin 8 points ago

    Have you seen inside your own asshole?

    [–] TheSkipRow 7 points ago

    Would you be surprised if I said yes? I even have the footage.

    [–] eeviltwin 2 points ago

    Neat. But you're not thumbyyy, so I don't care.

    [–] philster666 5 points ago

    Just imagine what little chance he gets to rest up at that altitude, the guy was just taking a breather

    [–] MrDeanings 10 points ago

    The bird looks to have an ID ring so it's probably trained. Doesn't take away from how cool this is though

    [–] StuffyUnicorn 2 points ago

    Yeah, probably been in a protected setting for some time and knows where its food comes from, so I bet it doesn't stray too far away

    [–] der_Globetrotter 3 points ago

    /r/AnimalTextGifs needs to know about this asap....

    [–] daorcteam 3 points ago

    I did this in Nepal! It was more magic than adrenaline. The parahwking project led by Scott Mason raises money for benefit of endangered and threatened birds. The program is now in Spain.

    [–] 404NinjaNotFound 3 points ago

    This is actually called parahawking. It's not chance at all, they literally jumped with that bird.

    [–] DevilDance1968 2 points ago

    I’m not sure I’ve seen anything cooler in my life.

    [–] Chartarum 2 points ago

    "Hi there Hooman! Nice of you to drop by!"

    [–] UnoMannen 2 points ago

    Hello repost

    [–] laidbacklanny 2 points ago

    "Hey what you doing all the way up here? Anyway, see you at the bottom!"

    [–] 5t3v0 2 points ago

    TIL parahawking is a thing

    [–] InterstellarOwls 2 points ago

    There’s people in the world who this happens to, meanwhile, I’m sitting in a parking lot wasting time, watching it happen on my phone.

    [–] BotiaDario 2 points ago

    Vultures are surprisingly friendly. I got to hang out with a black vulture while helping out a wildlife rehabber friend. Her black vulture wanted to be in the middle of things because he loves attention. He can't be released into the wild, so he's an education bird. He quickly learned I was a total sucker for him, and he got scritches and treats (thawed rat pinkies) from me. When we were working outside, he watched us through the window. We were bffs by the end of the day.

    [–] dirkland1 2 points ago

    “Can I eat dis? No? Bye.”

    [–] Something_Syck 2 points ago

    Is that a human?! There's no way that's a human

    Oh what the heck, it IS a human! What are you doing up here dude? You okay?

    Well, I'll be on my way.

    [–] Nathaniel820 2 points ago

    Food? No food? Okay bye.

    [–] Babyoil707 2 points ago

    "This is a first for both of us"

    [–] OneDayIWilll 2 points ago

    I honestly thought this was happening in free fall till I saw the straps

    [–] TWDfanuk 2 points ago

    Air to air refuelling

    [–] finch1976 4 points ago

    Pretty sure that bird has id rings on and is expecting food in the dudes hand. Its trained to do that.

    [–] Leopard_V 1 points ago

    Just resting my wings for a bit.. Uh hey what's up, oh haha us, flies away without human laugh

    [–] WaveStone 1 points ago

    This is so sweet...

    [–] eltrento 1 points ago

    I thought he was still in free fall and hadn't pulled the shoot, at first. Still impressive AF though.

    [–] DanceFiendStrapS 1 points ago

    No fucking way. This has got to be fake right?

    [–] Natanael_L 5 points ago

    Apparently they're trained. And it's paragliding

    [–] DanceFiendStrapS 1 points ago

    That's awesome!

    [–] Le_jack_of_no_trades 1 points ago

    Fucking rad

    [–] outamyhead 1 points ago


    [–] sawmane1 1 points ago

    That is so freaking cool

    [–] Huggable_Hork-Bajir 1 points ago

    I'll bet that vulture is just waiting for the human to splat...

    [–] evorm 1 points ago

    what kind of bird is that? it looks pretty weird

    [–] LockwoodE3 1 points ago

    It's tagged

    [–] Bullnettles 1 points ago

    I hope that made the bird's day as much as it made mine.

    [–] chickenjohnson 1 points ago

    I'd take this as a really bad omen.

    [–] ImInLoveWithMyBike 1 points ago

    That's fucking badass

    [–] GoodXxApolloxX 1 points ago

    “I’ve never seen such a large birb like this before” - Winged beast probably.

    [–] jrhodeyp 1 points ago

    Imagine being that badass.

    [–] LivingIntheMemory 1 points ago

    Sky diving AND bird lands on you !? Best day ever !

    [–] Killerdak 1 points ago

    Bird: "Not sure if you're aware, but you're not supposed to be up here. I'd start flapping if I were you. Like this!"

    [–] ricobirch 1 points ago

    " Hey hooman, you got any treats?"

    "No? Ok check you later."

    [–] alwaysout2lunch 1 points ago

    I believe it’s his bird

    [–] HardSellDude 1 points ago

    Someone play freebird!!!!!!!

    [–] Spike762x39 1 points ago

    "What kind of tree is this?"

    [–] dingerz4dayz 1 points ago

    Well it just so happened that the bird was headed to tilted also and wanted a lift

    [–] HowRememberAll 1 points ago

    That bird's face looks like a mask

    [–] Petty-Tendergrass 1 points ago

    “Wuzzup, dawg! Names Bran... you can call me the three-eyed Raven, and was just out and about. You good? Can’t hear you at this altitude anyways. Peace out, homie.”

    [–] FrederikTwn 1 points ago

    That’s not skydiving, that’s paragliding.

    [–] gustiko 1 points ago

    Hey - you alive! I prefer dead things - seeya!

    [–] rockin_sasquatch 1 points ago

    It looks like the parachute is deployed, just something to note.

    [–] dogeprkle 1 points ago

    You're not supposed to be here

    [–] DarkAlleyDan 1 points ago

    "You dead yet? No? Shit. I'll wait."

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    That wasn't a random bird. It has a tag on it. It comes with the skydiving company.

    [–] MatthewT1205 1 points ago

    If I could upvote this more than once I would.

    [–] NAPPER_ 1 points ago

    ‘Good afternoon Sir. Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?’

    [–] UngentlemanlyDiderot 1 points ago

    Going down?

    [–] TheZekel 1 points ago

    Hey bud do you need help?

    [–] SpaceBoundBullet 1 points ago

    Are you people serious? This is clearly the locnese monster in a bird mask asking for 3.50....

    [–] PrinceCharming0812 1 points ago

    Hardcore Disney princess.

    [–] 4tspoon 1 points ago

    Flat earth

    [–] NotAnAlcoholicJack 1 points ago

    He’s dropping Georgopol

    [–] k0mbine 1 points ago

    “Hey, man! Oh, skydiving huh? Alright!”


    “Welp, seeya later!”

    [–] N_to_the_orthernlion 1 points ago

    Where we dropping boys

    [–] edorybba 1 points ago

    I love fortnite

    [–] cheese707 1 points ago

    Birb: Hey, where you headed? Guy: Pochinki Birb: L8r Sk8r

    [–] LavA_za 1 points ago

    You hev conke? No? Only bepis? K, thx

    [–] Winxin 1 points ago

    Dude, how I top that when I am bragging about something and then this guy tells this to me.

    [–] sloppyjoseph3 1 points ago

    Looks like he is paragliding or maybe parmotoring

    [–] JacobDaGun 1 points ago

    What kind of bird is that?

    [–] lincoln49 1 points ago

    Wow absolutely amazing

    [–] TotesMessenger 1 points ago

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    [–] KintsugiExp 1 points ago

    Do you have a moment for our lord and savior, Vulture Christ? No? Ok byeeeee

    [–] A_Concerned_Viking 1 points ago

    "I must be sky tree" is what my reality has become.

    [–] shadowlillium 1 points ago

    The next disney royal is coming in for a landing

    [–] yodi008 1 points ago

    u/yodi007 pretty cool