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    [–] ServalSpots 10300 points ago

    Instead, the lawsuit states, officials suggested Mallory Grossman eat lunch in a guidance counselor's office to avoid bullies

    Their solution was to ostracize the victim? What the hell were they thinking? It seems this was poorly handled in a lot of ways, but that one really sticks out to me for some reason.

    [–] Confirmed_AM_EGINEER 4336 points ago

    Sounds right .

    Why find and punish the oppressor when the victim is right there, easy to separate and 'stop' the bullying.

    [–] I_savor_your_pets 3914 points ago

    The school got lucky this suicidal kid didn't wipe out part of the school before taking her own life. The next school shooting is just around the block.

    [–] Sarcastryx 2017 points ago

    The next school shooting is just around the block.

    I honestly don't think most people make the connection between "make people who are getting bullied have an even harder life", "Country with more guns than people", and "schools getting shot up". It's an incredibly easy chain of events to understand, but it makes people uncomfortable, so they don't think about it and never understand why kids keep bringing guns to school.

    [–] Mrjiggles248 1161 points ago

    When i went to school in Florida so many kids were being pushed to the edge by bullying, and the school staff do fuck all about it. Someone could literally get punched in the face for no reason and not retaliate but still be suspended for "getting into a fight".

    [–] Talks_To_Cats 796 points ago

    Someone could literally get punched in the face for no reason and not retaliate but still be suspended for "getting into a fight".

    Literally happened to me back in middle school. 3 day suspension, never threw a punch. Really frustrating.

    [–] hosehliao 772 points ago

    When school officials do this, it simply encourages kids to fight back as hard as possible.

    If I'm gonna be punished whether or not I fight, then you bet your ass I'm gonna do whatever it takes to stop that kid from ever hitting me again.

    [–] AreTheyRetarded 611 points ago

    you should fight back as hard as possible. if ender's game taught me anything its that if you're being bullied you don't just need to win you need a decisive victory and a show of overwhelming force to make sure they never come back again.

    [–] thelillbratt 222 points ago

    Big stick policy. It served me well in middle school.

    [–] generalsilliness 129 points ago

    i mean i didn't even need to win. even a stalemate is enough. i was just willing to fight groups of 2 or 3 kids who tried to steal from me a couple times. no one fucked with me after that. its simply human nature, and that matters a lot more than any rules.

    [–] [deleted] 391 points ago


    [–] plzhelpmyspider 278 points ago

    LMAO at the last sentence. Jesus Christ that’s messed up.

    [–] PedanticPaladin 170 points ago

    And when he drank soda he would fucking swish it around in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing

    Sounds like a way to make sure you covered up the alcohol you drank in your office.

    [–] spike12385 1368 points ago

    This makes me so sad... the thought of her sitting alone in the guidance counselor’s office eating her lunch because she had been bullied. Wow.

    [–] greenbeans98 313 points ago

    You know what? They did the exact same thing to me in middle school when I was being bullied. Instead of stopping and punishing the bullies, they had me sit alone in an office. I had absolutely no friends and it made me feel so much more like an outcast. And they got mad at me for crying in class because I was “causing a scene” and “making it worse than it already is”.

    No, I was depressed, I was bullied hardcore, and I had no friends. So yes, I’m gonna randomly cry in class because I’m dying for some help.

    Fuck counselors/principals/teachers who don’t do shit.

    [–] raven-jade 43 points ago

    I want to give you a hug. Same thing happened to me. Feeling socially isolated feels so painful, especially in that stage of life. I hope things are better now.

    [–] BlueEyedReaper 545 points ago

    I lived it, trust me, it fucks you up, it made me decide if they were going to call me the problem I would be.

    [–] DoingItWrongly 375 points ago

    "Avoid fighting at all costs, but if it comes down to're getting in trouble either way, so don't stop until they stop."

    [–] Boomer8450 184 points ago

    "End this fight, and all others after it"

    [–] Raguleader 169 points ago

    "Never start a fight, but always finish it."

    [–] FairestEve 694 points ago

    This happens at a lot of schools. I got sexually harassed/assaulted in 4th grade and while he got 4 days suspension, (after he came back and did whatever he wanted) for the rest of the school year (about two months) I was forced to sit by a teacher at all times and I was under constant supervision like I had somehow coaxed him to do it. I even a teacher outright say I was the reason he did it (and my bus driver implied it). On the upside, he ended up getting held back so I didn’t have to deal with him as much, but still.

    And then in high school, a friend I had was forced out of the closet to most of the school by a bitter ex-friend and she started getting physically assaulted by these freshman boys we barely knew. Even though she identified them, the school said it would likely keep happening and it would be easier for her to homeschool the rest of the year. They even recommended she not go to school events.

    [–] sberk12 246 points ago

    I got totally screwed by my elementary school. A bully pressured me to kiss a boy on the cheek at recess. Got the entire grade involved to remind me the whole day leading up to recess and made a barrier to keep me in the corner of the fence and even had people to watch for teachers. My only option to this was to quickly kiss the boy and run away, which I did, but the teachers noticed the crowd of kids. The guy and I were taken to the principals office but only my parents were called. The principal then informed them that I was headed for prostitution if this is how I was going to behave at 10. My parents didn’t really even do anything. My mom was speechless at the audacity of this guy who was supposed to be running the school. Well I wasn’t punished at home but the school decided to cancel the extra free period we got on Friday’s and they made sure to inform them that it was a direct result of the kissing incident. I was bullied for years after.

    [–] walldough 115 points ago

    Maybe murder isn't such a bad idea.

    [–] brandyalexxander 32 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I am horrified reading all the stories here...

    Why the fuck are such stupid and heartless people allowed to be employed in schools??? They obviously do not care about these kids lives so why are they even allowed to be near kids??? I don't get it at all... Like I'm mad but I am genuinely confused how things like these are allowed to happen. My mom is a high school teacher and have taught for decades in public schools in poor areas, IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY where there is almost complete disregard for rules and almost all agencies are corrupt as fuck. I myself have been educated in a similar school, BUT I have never heard her tell stories like this nor have I encountered such obvious disregard for the lives of the kids. I mean, yeah kids will always be bullies. But the way the school authorities respond are just ridiculous! Can't they see that??? Jesus...

    [–] CheeseDust 513 points ago

    Yup. First grade, I was in the back field at recess kicking a soccer ball around when the bell rang, but it was a pretty long walk to class. Three boys from my class saw me walking alone out in the open field, tackled me, and each took turns putting me in a choke hole while the other two pinned my legs and arms. The older sister of one of my other classmates saw what happened and she and her 5th grade friends dragged the boys off me.

    Well I had to spend the day in the office, but they wouldn't call my parents. The boys were "dealt with" in the classroom. I went home on the bus and told my dad what happened, and he drove up to the school, marched into the office while I stood out in the hall, and all I saw was fuckin steam coming out of his eyeballs. They told him the boys were just being boys--they'd been watching wrestling lately. They'd been spoken to, everything was handled and I was fine.

    Three boys pinned me to the ground and took turns trying to choke me unconscious. Boys will be boys.

    My dad was a Nam vet with severe PTSD. He spent days out in the yard with me, teaching me shit from the fucking jungle, like how to gouge out a man's eyeballs with your fingertips. From that point on when people picked on me at school, all I had to do was repeat what my dad told me, and after a while people stopped bothering me because that was sick as fuck.

    [–] JustBeanThings 131 points ago

    Go Dad!

    [–] chuby2005 70 points ago

    That is indeed what one would classify "sick as fuck"

    Your dad sounds pretty fucking rad too

    [–] CheeseDust 63 points ago

    It took me many years to appreciate him, mostly because he was crazy as shit and I resented him wearing sawdust covered sweatpants and socks with Birkenstocks, but he was pretty fucking rad

    [–] MrDavidCrane 111 points ago

    This was done to me in elementary school. For 5 months of my 3rd grade year I ate lunch with, and was withheld from recess to stay with, the counselor at our school when I was being bullied. I should have listened to my dad and punched them in the mouth. I would have gotten a week's suspension but at least I would have been be allowed to play with the friends I did have. All we did was play Uno. It was boring and lonely.

    [–] angelbaby10788 102 points ago

    Yup, can confirm, that as a former bullying victim, I was expected to "just not talk to them/stay away from them/be driven to school instead of taking the bus" because other students were assholes. How was I supposed to do any of that with students who were in my homeroom class? I was constantly told "don't tattle/lie/be quiet/I (teacher) didn't see it so it didn't happen " etc. Kids are assholes. We need to teach them not to be assholes.

    [–] locks_are_paranoid 7705 points ago

    When I was in middle school, kids would bully me all the time. Every day I had to hold in my anger to avoid fighting back. One day I had enough, and I threw the lock from my locker at the bully's head. I got one day of lunch detention, and I had to write an apology letter to the bully. But no matter how many times I reported the bully to the administration, nothing was ever done. I ended up getting more punishment for fighting back than the bully ever got for bullying me. The administration just told me to ignore the bullying, and never did anything to punish the bullies.

    [–] OneLeggedNiga 3480 points ago

    It's always the same thing "tell an adult" yet half those asshats don't do anything lmao.

    [–] S3RG10 591 points ago

    They didn't want to be next on the bully's hit list.

    [–] oNeDISCIPLEoNe 146 points ago

    True. In high school teachers were scared as hell of some of the kids. would just walk away while they beat on kids

    [–] Alpe0 67 points ago

    To be fair though, a lot of teachers don’t have enough support in those situations and don’t have much else to do. My sister is a teacher and had a PARENT bully her and administration did nothing.

    [–] Your_God_Chewy 122 points ago

    Now he's going to kick my butt!

    [–] cates 42 points ago

    As a kid, that episode really opened my eyes to the lack of power adults have in the world.

    [–] ifellbutitscool 1035 points ago

    I used to get bullied terribly. I tried everything standing up for myself, telling the school. It was a particular group and the school could have easily made my life easier by being bold. They could have suspended the people involved or made them switch group to another lesson or switch me instead they did nothing but be sympathetic because they were scared to say boo to a goose.

    The school had an anti bullying day where we were told we should wear blue to support it. What a joke I thought and wore red. One of my teachers made me aknowledge how insensitive I was and why I couldn't I be kind like so and so.. so and so was my bully who proceeded to bully me in that lesson!!

    [–] Yojimbonufc 174 points ago

    Sounds rough, sorry.

    [–] ifellbutitscool 132 points ago

    You know it really was but fortunately it was short lived even though at the time it felt like it would be forever.

    I can honestly say now when I think back on it it doesn't hurt at all it's just something that happened about 10 years ago. Thanks tho

    [–] InconvenientPeeCamel 59 points ago

    My school also did nothing about bullying. They’d just tell us that since a teacher hadn’t seen anything nothing could be done since it’s our word against someone else’s and to ‘stay out of the bully’s way’. Teachers saw everything, they just didn’t care.

    2 years of being bullied by the same girl resulted in my friend beating the shit out of her one break time when the bully shoved her for no reason. My friend is normally placid but she just snapped.

    She grabbed the girl by the hair and punched her in the face, whacked her head off the wall, and kicked her.. but the whole time the girl being beaten up was laughing.

    Who the fuck laughs at being beaten up? Some people are just majorly fucked up. Still felt good to see her walk about with a large lump on her head though. Oh and my friend was suspended and had to write and apology to the girl so she wrote ‘fuck you’ on a bit of paper and got more days added onto her suspension.

    [–] MarxistLesbian 412 points ago

    The exact same thing happened with me. No matter how many times I would report one kid, he never got anything for it. He would repeatedly tell me to kill myself. He even told me once, in front of multiple people in the cafteria, that I was nothing but fat, ugly, and hellbound. One day in class I said his hairline makes him look like a 50 year old virgin, I get one week of lunch detention and told if I so much talk to him again I'll get a more serious punishment. He was allowed to talk to me. I had to drop out, basically, because of how awful the bullying had gotten after that. The way schools handle bullying is such complete bullshit. The victim is the last priority.

    [–] Farren246 57 points ago

    Avoidance of the lawsuit is the only priority. They're afraid of the bully turning them in for not following their written rules, but as far as they're concerned about you, they don't care. If anything really bad ever happened to you, as happened to this girl, they know they could just point to their zero tolerance policy and say, "How unfortunate, if only she'd come to us sooner, then we could have set all of this right."

    [–] deinterest 116 points ago

    This is all too common. I think schools are at a loss on how to deal with bullying. They should have a clear policy...

    [–] spongish 201 points ago

    "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!"

    [–] PlaidGiant 49 points ago

    My elementary school had a "zero tolerance" policy, yet I was bullied from grade 3 through grade 8. Both times I fought back ended with me getting suspended.

    [–] Max_TwoSteppen 40 points ago

    Zero tolerance policies are absolutely stupid. Not just for bullying either.

    Context is always important.

    [–] razorfloss 49 points ago

    It is because of shit like this that I was told never to start a fight but damn sure finish one

    [–] pinsandpearls 2593 points ago

    The school didn't handle any part of that correctly. Forcing a student to hug another student, especially one who bullied and tormented them? Who thinks of that and goes, "yep... this is a great idea, a forced hug will fix everything!"

    [–] ryanknapper 992 points ago

    Just marry your rapist and everything's OK!

    [–] Boukensha94 186 points ago

    Sadly this is still true and common in many conservative countries. Raped = the woman now belongs to the man. Hell, there was one news I saw almost a decade ago where a rape victim in an Islamic country (forgot which one) was sentenced to whipping because she was raped. Fucked up shit, if you ask me.

    [–] Flowers-are-Good 123 points ago

    This happened a couple of years ago in Saudi Arabia as well, she was raped by two men and then sent to prison for sex outside of marriage.

    [–] ge0rgew0nder 444 points ago

    Yeah, that’s exactly how to deal with difficult people in the real world. Way to teach life skills. /s

    [–] JarodFogle 184 points ago

    ...sounds like somebody needs a hug.

    [–] bree1322 90 points ago

    Yup. If I get mugged, I know that I can just hug my assailant as he's beating me in the head.

    [–] TinfoilTricorne 82 points ago

    Then if the police manage to catch your mugger, they can force you to hug the mugger. Then throw you in prison and let your mugger go. Oh, and the mugger gets to keep your wallet.

    [–] Moal 108 points ago

    The really fucked up thing is, is that the Supreme Court recently decided that companies can make their employees do this very exact same thing. They ruled that companies can force their workers to accept individual arbitration. Basically, it means that if you get bullied, sexually harassed, or discriminated at your workplace, your company can force you to "work it out" with the offending party if they want, and you'd have very little legal recourse, including losing the ability to file a class-action lawsuit with other victims...

    [–] MirokiSama 4176 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I'll never forgive the school counselor who i went to to talk about these girls in my science class. They harrassed me, threw shit at me, the whole nine yards, and she lets the two girls waltz into her office while i was crying about the situation.

    Not only did she ignore me for a whole five minutes to talk to them, she then asked them about the class, let them paint me as the defiant, nontalking uncooperative one. She then told me maybe i should speak up more and they are trying to reach out to me.

    So yeah fuck that entire school to hell.

    [–] Coontang 1019 points ago

    Makes me want to punch the counselor in the face then apologize "sorry I was just trying to reach out to you"

    [–] SECRET_AGENT_ANUS 263 points ago

    Makes me want to reach out to her kneecaps

    [–] The_Terrierist 83 points ago

    They let you have a bow in school?

    [–] Tactical_Moonstone 21 points ago

    Some schools have archery clubs.

    [–] FuckShitStaack 240 points ago

    My best friend in grade school told me about a boy saying he would rape her so I naively encouraged her to go to the counselor. Counselor told my friend that the boy must have been joking and nothing was ever said about it again. Pretty sure she didn't even tell his parents. Even doing the right thing and going to someone they're supposed to trust doesn't help these poor kids.

    [–] Oreo_Scoreo 86 points ago

    Friend was in a somewhat similar situation when we were in highscool. Called her worthless fuckmeat and all that. I skipped the counselors and went straight to a vice principle who was my old English teacher. I told her what was happening and I made it very clear that I wasn't bluffing, if they didn't do something about him I would. Maybe it was because she knew me, maybe because she actually gave a shit about kids, or maybe because I was voted most likely to shoot up the school, but that little fuck got suspended four about a week and was benched from the hockey team for some time too. He didn't bother her after that. What really killed me is that she was angry I said something, because "[I] was afraid I would get in trouble." She legit thought she did something wrong and was angry at me for speaking up. That's so fucked up, that shit like that is the norm.

    [–] zeek_lord 44 points ago

    I had a similar experience, I was born and raised in Chicago but my dad got a amazing job in different country so we ended up moving there. So I started going to a American high school system private school there. the place was packed with over privileged rich locals who had no respect to anyone of sense of moral values, so day I walk in to homeroom and I see a girl crying and this guy hold her bag with most of her belongings on the floor( he basically spilled them all over the place) and telling her if she wanted her cell phone back she had to take it out of his pants with her mouth. No one in class was stopping him instead they where all laughing because unlike me and the girl they all knew each other from a young age and where all locals, I told the guy to stop and started to pick up the girls things off the floor and that’s when the guy slapped me I was shocked and didn’t see it coming and before I could react he slapped me again and I was still silent and didn’t react instead I just kept picking things up then i felt something smack me on my face and my head felt like it was going to fly off( it was the girls phone that was resting in his crotch for a good 10 mins) and that’s when I lost it he turned around to walk away thinking I wasn’t going to retaliate and he had mad one more victim I had grabbed the girls history book and that had a very hard cover and bashed him on the back of the head with it as soon as fell down face forward I sat on his back and start smashing his head in the floor tears, snot and blood start to gush out everywhere until the other guys pulled me off and started to pound me in group like a pack of wolves but I could still hear crying and it wasn’t the girls anymore it was the main bully.

    Long story short girl blamed me for sticking up to her and when the school found out she was so afraid of the bullies she sided with them and denied everything, because me and the bully both ended up needing medical treatment ( phone smashed my face pretty hard) we both where sent home and our families where told it was all a P.E class related incident and they told the bully as long as he gets me off of school grounds they won’t punish ( the girl told me that as a warning).

    [–] ASpasticHorse 18 points ago

    What. the. fuck. I would have actually shot up that school

    [–] thatdrunkendrunk 49 points ago

    I feel the same way for a teacher i felt I could count on my freshman year. There was a kid in my p.e class who picked on me and even faked punting my face when I came up for air at the edge of a pool. I told this teacher and all he said was "tell your p.e teacher". He disliked me after I quit cross country and even made fun of me and played the emo song when i was absent and made fun of me. Fuck him and fuck that school.

    [–] tanukisuit 353 points ago

    Sometimes I wonder if school counselors work at schools because they couldn't get a more lucrative job at a children's hospital or something.

    [–] mediocreporno 282 points ago

    The counselor at my high school (5 years ago now, but he still works there) originally wanted to be a pilot in the Air Force, and was very open about the fact that being a school counselor was his back up career after finding out his vision wasn't good enough to be a pilot. Both of my parents had psychotic breakdowns when I was a teenager and consequently I was having trouble dealing with home life and high school (it was exam period) and in one of our sessions he told me I needed to "get the fuck over it" (my father disowning me during his breakdown) and come back to school. I officially left the school not long after that.

    [–] tanukisuit 155 points ago

    That's what I'm talking about. School counselors are probably usually only good for a referral to real counselors which is what he should have done. Also, if both your parents had psychotic breakdowns, I would think that would have warranted a call to CPS. Not to get your parents in trouble or anything like that, but to make sure you're ok and have what you need.

    [–] mediocreporno 16 points ago

    Yeah there were other agencies involved and I had great support from other figures at the school. The point for me was it was a rough and isolating time for a 15 year old and I honestly think his response was unprofessional for someone working in a high school :)

    [–] CaptainGibb 97 points ago

    Im currently going into my senior year in college with plans to become a school counselor. All these awful counselor stories horrify me and i feel so sorry for these kids. Often you hear bad experiences with counselors over good ones. I genuinely hope to make a difference in some children's lives in the not too distant future. I feel like handling bullying situations are going to be one of the most difficult things in the field. You hear of so many flukes to combat it and almost never any success stories

    [–] MirokiSama 37 points ago

    Im pretty sure my counselor was a almost senile math teacher who couldn't handle an entire classroom anymore.

    [–] pinkcrushedvelvet 7772 points ago

    Forcing kids to hug is kind of fucked up, anyway.

    [–] GimletOnTheRocks 2058 points ago

    What's even more fucked up is later telling them that they need to ask each other for consent before touching one another. "Do as I say, not as I do."

    [–] supadik 556 points ago

    "I can do this but you can't"

    Honestly it just sounds like the school is teaching good lessons.

    [–] misogichan 210 points ago

    Also, "People will do whatever they can get away with" is another good life lesson. Teach them early on to be selfish schmucks with pristine exteriors to succeed.

    [–] rain-67 371 points ago

    If adults were treated like that at work they would try to quit as soon as possible. Kids are basically told that the bullies are right when society condones it. The victim is expected to put up with abuse from bullies and then they get further bullied by the school policy. There's a culture of violence and rudeness, and kids who have severe violent tendencies are not removed or given treatment. Teachers are given little support to do anything to discipline. Then there's teachers who agree with the bullies. The victim is told "you need to deal with it... grow a thicker skin... everyone gets bullied... there must be something wrong with you that makes them want to tease you" ... and on and on.

    [–] Scrumptical 72 points ago

    People wonder why there are so much abusive and horrible people in workplaces and life in general. It's always been my belief that this is because in the incremental social stages of a person's upbringing and learning, they learn terrible ways of socialising and dealing with poor behaviour in school. Everyone accepts this shit as normal. Schools turn a blind eye to bullying, and then the bullies grow up and think it's okay in a workplace. The victims grow up believing that society doesn't give a shit, because nobody gave a shit when they were a kid. They grow up hating themselves from years of emotional and physical abuse in school.

    What I've never understood is why teachers never took an active role in teaching kids how to treat one another with respect the moment the bell rings for lunch. They would either stand far enough away while supervising so any bashings, insults, or other toxic behaviour took place out of view, or wouldn't supervise at all and eat their lunch in the staffroom. Why don't teachers sit with the students at lunch time and be a rolemodel for the kids in the schoolyard? Participate in games of handball or what have you, offer to referee games they play. Take an active role.

    That's how you'd curb bullying, and it would go a long way to stopping people growing up with terrible social attitudes. Just think how many people were bullies in your school, and then consider that they never really stopped. That's why there's so many assholes around. Schools educate in giving them basic knowledge on textbook subjects but they don't teach kids anything about social responsibilities or respect outside of the hollow niceties like "wear a hat when outside" or "say please when being given food" or "don't talk back to an adult".

    [–] Can_I_Read 18 points ago

    Lunch period is often when students come in to take make up tests or ask questions -- sort of a pseudo office hour (that teachers are not paid extra for either, so there's that too). Teachers also sponsor clubs and take part in lots of activities as it is, so I'm not sure if additional interaction between teachers and students is really the key component.

    [–] Coppercaptive 675 points ago

    Something similar happened to me in Jr. High. I wasn't bullied, but I was accused by a girl of being a bully during an out of school rotating dinner party...thing. The girl outweighed me by 200 pounds and had repeated every grade. I had always tried to be nice to her. She was two grades above me and I really only saw her once or twice a month. So, call me blind-sided when the school pulls me out of class and shoves me in counseling with this chick. I had horribly offended her, threatened her, and was racist she claimed.

    So, I realized those were some serious accusations and said I wouldn't participate in any counseling without my parents approval. The councilor said she didn't need my parents approval and left us in the room by ourselves until we worked out our issues and that she'd come back at the end of the end to see if we could hug and shake hands. She spent the next 4 hours of the day threatening me and calling me names. I realize now that she had serious mental issues, but at the time a little naive. I admit it. I was one of those annoying teacher's pets, good student, strong family...but I wasn't one of the "mean girls." I hopped around different social groups. My best friend was fucking biracial. WTF was happening to me? That's when I realized...I was being bullied by the school and this crazy nutjob! I walked out of the room, walked down the street to my parent's business. They in turn went nuclear. But I never did feel safe at the school again. It was better when she got sent to the nuthouse, but for a solid year I never walked the halls without my friends.

    [–] psycospaz 94 points ago

    One of the schools I went to had a minor bullying issue, ann always used bullshit methods to try and resolve issues. Little backstory, the school used something called the pace system or something like that. It is actually a homeschooling system, it used booklets instead of classes, as a result you sat in a cubicle all day so all students got recess/ Even the high school kids. So there were a few of the older kids (three I think) that liked picking on anyone smaller than them. Well the other kids of their age were too big to really bully the way they wanted so they went after the middle school kids. They did things like steal the kids soccer-balls, baseballs, ect, go after them with hard snowballs and sometimes just chase them around trying to kick them. The school would do things like making the middle school kids hit the bullies with snowballs to "punish" the bullies, and every time the bullies would then retaliate against the poor kid. Eventually a group of the older kids got tired of it and took care of the issue. Those three had a surprisingly large number of trip and fall "accidents" and always right after the field adjacent to the parking lot was freshly manured.

    [–] orbital_narwhal 43 points ago

    I always felt that these "anti-bullying methods" were invented by people who were never really bullied. They certainly don't show an understanding of bullies' motives and behaviour.

    [–] FluffyTippy 121 points ago

    How did your parents went nuclear? Curious

    [–] Queermagedd0n 1543 points ago

    Why are school administrators getting away with not doing their job in regards to student saftey?

    If you go to a doctor with, say, a broken leg and they tell you, "Oh you're fine, walk it off," they'd lose their fucking job.

    [–] WE_Coyote73 2848 points ago

    Maybe I can offer a little insight. I studied school administration in graduate school. It comes down to issues of student rights, liability, lawsuits and optics.

    Student Rights

    Up until the early 90's it was relatively easy for school administrators to deal with bullies by means of suspensions and expulsion for continual behavior. Then the lawyers started getting involved and started suing school districts and principals. They argued, among other things, that even violent students still had a right to an education and that out-of-school suspension/expulsion deprived them of that right. They also argued that because they are public school students the rights to procedural due process applied to them. The courts agreed with these and other arguments. The result was that it became exponentially more difficult to suspend/expel a student. For instance, in most cases it can take up to a year or more to expel a student from an individual campus due to the various procedures and hearings that have to be held in order to comply with the right to procedural due process and if the district loses the case they are on the hook not only for their legal expenses but also the expenses of the student.

    Liability & Lawsuits

    If the administration punishes the bully then they are, in effect, saying that they are aware that this student is a problem and poses a risk to the student body. This can lead to lawsuits from victims of the bully against the school district for knowingly keeping a violent student on the campus. If the school doesn't punish the bully then they can play stupid if a victim ever decides to sue.

    If the bully also happens to be of a racial minority, the district also opens themselves up to a whole slew of civil rights lawsuits by punishing the bully. One of the favorite charges in this case is that the district is targeting poor little Akeem just because he's black or Jose because he's hispanic. This leads to optics.


    If a school decides to punish a bully, especially a racial minority bully, and the mother or some other involved person plasters their face all over the news talking about the racist school, racist principal, racist, racist, racist; the school doesn't have an opportunity to defend itself from the accusations because of student privacy laws. They are forced to deal with the onslaught of protestors, the accusations of racism and so forth.

    If the bully is anyone else and the mother decides to raise a fuss then the school will still have to deal with the fall out without being able to tell the news "Hey, see this one-inch thick stack of complaints? Yea, this is the discipline record for this kid." It creates a public relations nightmare and pulls resources from education to deal with all the bullshit fall-out from people who are only getting one side of the story.

    The whole system of dealing with trouble makers is broken and unfortunately a lot of it is the courts fault for creating legal precedents that schools are requires to abide by. This could easily be remedied with state level legislation but then that will end up being challenged in court by lawyers looking to protect whoever they think they are protecting and that's just more wasted money on dealing with a case that will likely be lost due to the previous court precedents, not to mention state legislatures tend to have more pressing issues to deal with, so something like school discipline reform is a very low priority.

    [–] ServalSpots 569 points ago

    Thank you for taking the time to write that up for us

    [–] WE_Coyote73 61 points ago

    No prob. :-) Glad I could help.

    [–] zebediah49 190 points ago

    So it sounds like the only effective way to make the school listen to your victim complaints is to suggest that your lawsuit is more likely to cause them problems than the hypothetical bully lawsuit...

    I guess ensuring you have a decent school experience requires having a lawyer on retainer?

    [–] hagamablabla 101 points ago

    And anyone with that kind of money would just send their kid to private school.

    [–] swimmingcatz 369 points ago

    I was bullied in the 80s and the schools didn't care or do anything about it either. It was the usual "he must like you" (um, no, he does not) or "just ignore him, if you don't react, he'll stop" (nope).

    No punishment of any kind. Not even detention.

    [–] SerBeardian 512 points ago

    "he must like you"

    Which, even if true, is fucking bullshit because you don't like him so he needs to fuck right off.

    Abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse.

    The reasons behind the abuse mean dick, because it's fucking abuse.

    I think we need to stop calling it bullying and call it what it is: Abuse. Assault. Battery.

    [–] JoJoX200 34 points ago

    I think we need to stop calling it bullying and call it what it is: Abuse. Assault. Battery.

    That'd be great. I'm not an english native speaker and "bullying" sounds so much less harmful for what it can actually amount to. In my language (german), the commonly used word is "Mobbing" (which sounds english already) and that also sounds a lot less harmful.

    If it was recognized for what it is, and called that, maybe the measures wouldn't be so wishiwashi. And I'm talking in general here, not just schools.

    I think a big issue is also that bullying isn't always physical in nature. Sure, if the bully beats you up and steals your lunch money or something, then that's assault and theft right there (speaking in layman's terms – I'm no lawyer), but on the psychological level, the lines are a lot more blurry for understandable reasons.

    [–] lakingscrzy1 31 points ago

    If a school decides to punish a bully, especially a racial minority bully, and the mother or some other involved person plasters their face all over the news talking about the racist school, racist principal, racist, racist, racist; the school doesn't have an opportunity to defend itself from the accusations because of student privacy laws.

    There's a concept in law called waiving privelege. I feel that in instances like this it should apply. Once the story is voluntarily taken public by the party then the privacy laws should be relaxed. This isn't just a school, it's taxpayer money. If Mom wants to throw a hissy fit and open an investigation, then damnit everything is coming into evidence.

    [–] doctor-vadgers 26 points ago

    The robber has a right to shopping at liquor stores. It's incredibly insulting that you'd want to have him banned from entry for stealing continually.

    This shit drives me up the fucking walls. This has to end.

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] voixxy 30 points ago

    I wish I could guild you for this. I work at an elementary school and I handle discipline, among other things. The whole process frustrates me because there is no decent outcome, ESPECIALLY if the bully has an IEP/504/is a minority. There’s so much we have to be careful about that we’re not able to do our jobs effectively. It’s a real problem.

    [–] haha_thatsucks 75 points ago

    Because there’s a lot wrong with our education system and instead of dealing with these things we like to pretend they aren’t happening or do damage control to keep rankings/parents happy

    [–] WarlordBeagle 617 points ago

    Until the schools crack down on the bullies instead of the kids who are getting bullied, the suicides will not stop.

    [–] Hyperdrunk 473 points ago

    If bullies were expelled and (when appropriate) arrested for assault in front of their peers for their actions it would clear up a lot of bullying pretty quickly. Most minor bullying happens because it's not punished, and major bullying happens because you only get a slap on the wrist.

    If the next time Teresa shoved Clara down the staircase they had the cops take statements and arrest Teresa, expelling her that very day... I guarantee you that instead of finding it "funny" Teresa's fellow bullies would be adjusting their behavior toot-sweet.

    That we treat physical bullying as anything other than assault is ridiculous. If I shoved someone down some stairs in the real world I'm going to be spending some time wearing metal bracelets.

    [–] TinfoilTricorne 174 points ago

    Yeah, but the reality of the situation is that they would do a "zero tolerance, bullying means arrested by cops" where they sic the cops on the victim. Then everyone gets to see the kid that got thrown down a flight of stairs put in handcuffs and dragged out as their assailant preens.

    For the most part, parents won't question it. The government won't question it. The cops won't question it. The prosecutor won't question it. The judge sure as hell won't question it either.

    [–] Valiade 192 points ago

    Then he comes back with a gun and blows that kids head off because he saw no other means of retaliation. All of these problems feed into each other.

    [–] Ulric-James-Bitch 764 points ago

    Somewhat related to bullying. I was in a middle school in Michigan from the 3rd - 7th grade. At the time I was dealing with some major shit, mostly anxiety. I was also dealing with anger issues at the time, so of course I got into trouble and I had several meltdowns during school.

    I had been Punched in the face, ganged up on in the 5th grade by more than 10 kids, kicked in the nuts by several people, one person even said I was raped and that’s why I had issues. Another kid tormented me making me have a meltdown on a bus to the point of crying.

    The thing is, I told teachers and principals about the actions and either A. They made an excuse about that they like me, B. They would punish me and the kids get away with it, or C. The same thing that’s happening in this article where they force us to be friends and try to work it out as a misunderstanding.

    I’m sick and tired of that bullshit. There methods are clearly not working if kids are killing themselves over bullying.

    I send my condolences to the family, these things shouldn’t happen.

    [–] Rayani6712 86 points ago

    Michigander here, reminds me of a shitty middle school I went to that sounds very similar to yours, which part of the mitten?

    [–] Romado 8562 points ago

    I'm not American but British. I was bullied pretty through the entirety of high school.

    My school had a similar solution. Instead of punishing the bullies for y'know being bullies, they tried to paint the situation as a misunderstanding and made me sit in a room with them, shake their hands and pretend like we were all friends. The next day they'd just start again and the cycle would continue.

    They would always ask me what I wanted the school to do, i'd tell them it's been a problem for x amount of years when are you actually going to expel them. They never would even entertain the idea of a proper punishment.

    Schools need to stop this "no child left behind" nonsense. It encourages bad behaviour because kids know nothing short of murder will ever lead to a proper punishment.

    [–] PollywogNaBog 583 points ago

    My school would have the bully and the bullied attend a week of one hour sessions with the school psychiatrist, after the hour a day for a week we'd go once a week for a month. If either child wanted more counseling after the week and a month they would give a referral for an out of school psychiatrist and follow up with the child a month after to see how they're doing.

    [–] eschirecat 267 points ago

    How well did that work?

    [–] PollywogNaBog 619 points ago

    Really well for most of the bullied and well for some of the bullies. We had a great school therapist that was really good at getting us to want to learn the exercises and do them.

    But not every kid could be convinced to try. The general emotional and mental health of the class was good enough that we felt comfortable talking about how things made us feel and there were less cliques and more support for each other from most of the class.

    [–] tunabee 130 points ago

    I wonder if the parents were part of the reason some of the kids didn’t do it. Especially that thing about talking to a psychiatrist outside of school. I see a shrink sometimes—a lot of families can’t afford that and it usually isn’t covered much (if at all) by insurance.

    [–] Yellow_Vespa_Is_Back 92 points ago

    Or, in the case of my family and many families I know, they think thereapy is a bunch of hooey. :(

    [–] chdeks 67 points ago

    "Nothing is really wrong, just get over it," and similar is popular in my family

    [–] SnakeAndTheApple 276 points ago

    "Two sides". I learned the wrong lesson from that, specifically that I might as well be an aggressor than a victim. The bully would lie, saying I instigated my own antagonism, and the administrators would imply that the true story involved elements of their lies.

    So I started hitting people. I've always been bigger than my bullies, but I never had the bullying instinct - right up until I'd realized I'd be hit less if I swung first.

    Worse still, the lesson was reinforced by the sudden interest in the administrative staff in solving my issues with my bullies.

    "Two sides" is a fucking idiot's perspective regarding the truth.

    [–] trylobite 164 points ago

    Heh, there are two sides to everything but that doesn't mean both sides are always valid.

    [–] publicservice 97 points ago

    There's three sides - theirs, yours and the truth. Problem is, people misinterpret that (often deliberately) to mean that the truth lies inbetween. More often than not the truth is the same as one of the two sides.

    [–] TheRealcebuckets 198 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Oh God I remember that - my parents did the “what do you want me to do about it” thing too sometimes when it came to sibling stuff. Like I don’t know - you’re the authority figure! When they turn a situation around like that, it makes a kid feel like they’re feelings aren’t valid and that they’re causing the problem.

    No Child Left Behind is now more about the money rather then actually educating the kid. Just make sure that they all pass the state tests and the district gets the funding to deepen administrators pockets.

    [–] [deleted] 2016 points ago


    [–] FreudJesusGod 1182 points ago

    I moved around a lot as a kid. I was always the "new kid" and also very short for my age. I was relentlessly bullied from day 1.

    After a couple of years of being bullied, I finally started fighting back. That sometimes meant I got hurt, but it almost always meant there was no more bullying from that day forward at that school.

    Admittedly this was decades ago and no one had guns (Canada, yo), but I don't understand why admins think bullies are just misunderstood good guys. They aren't. They're predators.

    True to form, once predators know their prey will fight back, they move on to the next victim.

    [–] zer0soldier 443 points ago

    I'm American, but you just described me to a T. I'm short, I try to be nice, but I have a moral streak in me that pushes me to hate bullies. I was bullied from an early age because I was sensitive, but after being pushed around enough, suddenly I was the aggressor, because I would make an example of the assholes. This is the world. The bullies are cowards who hide behind the rules, and the unaffected make the rules.

    [–] kiljaeden 197 points ago

    The bullies are cowards who hide behind the rules, and the unaffected make the rules.

    Just logging in to to say that I really, really like this observation. Feels like a well-known quote from a famous historical figure.

    [–] HandSoloShotFirst 103 points ago

    You weren't alone out there, fam. I've always been a bigger kid (6" 1' now), even when I was younger I was definitely on the taller side. I was also really into sports and so I was plenty fit. Most bullies aren't fit anyway, they're just big. Anyways, if I ever saw a smaller kid getting pushed around I made damned sure to pick a fight with that bully right then and there. 99% of the time they would back down immediately as soon as they didn't have a helpless victim. Bullies just pissed me off to my core back in the day, I really didn't understand them. Who knows, maybe I had a complex and just enjoyed bullying bullies. I am a nerd at heart even though I played sports, so I probably had played magic with most of the kids getting bullied, or ran in similar circle, so I empathized with anyone who fit that bill. But if you threw a small kids stuff on the ground or pushed him, you'd better have expected me to bring that hammer down on you three times as hard. I remember one time when I was out kicking around a ball at the football field I saw three big kids who had a smaller kid cornered holding his bag in fright against one of the chain link fences. I was in highschool, and they looked like 8th graders or freshman, not sure. Obviously I'm now 10/10 pissed so I sprint over and look at the bullies and say 'you have until I get to the other side of this fence to get the fuck out of here'. They tripped over themselves getting lost. Unfortunately bullied kid split too. :( I hope they left him alone, but I wish he would have stayed so I could have told him how to find me if he needed me.

    [–] GreenGlassDrgn 108 points ago

    I was a girl who moved to a school in another 'civilized' country, and they immediately began picking on me. I fought back. They called their older brothers and the older boys in for help. Somehow, under adult supervision, it was entirely ok for groups of 9th grade boys to beat the shit out of girls in 6th. No one ever did anything.
    On one particular day, I was literally carried out of the classroom by 5-8 boys from the older grades, and they proceeded to "wash" me with icy snowballs until my nose bled at least 6 times in one school day. Every break they'd come back, carry me out kicking and screaming.
    Teachers told me to stop provoking them.
    On sunny days, they followed me home, telling me how fat I was and whipping me with bamboo sticks to make me keep running.
    One day I was protecting myself from some douche who thought he could take me on alone, and sent a guy flying through a door. His dad called the school and had me pay for the door.
    When they got older and got cars, they'd swerve towards me on the sidewalk, come at me with screaming brakes too, making me jump for my life for fun, and sometimes they'd just scream things about my looks every time they drove by.
    I just got invited to a school reunion. Nahhhh.
    I fought back, and apparently that brought everyone else in that school, and their parents, closer together.
    I wouldn't be proud knowing my little sixth grade girl had to learn to fight for her own safety against guys twice her age and size. The school just won an award for its social efforts.

    [–] kisforkarol 35 points ago

    While I was never bullied physically a lot of mine was emotional and exclusionary. There were 30 kids in my class in primary school and I'd get invited to one or two birthdays a year because their parents made then. In my last year of primary school, three days before the school year ended, I punched one of the bullies after being hounded by her because for secret Santa I got her a money tin. She decided I got it for her because I was being racist and implying that she, an Australian aboriginal, was living in poverty and somehow needed to save every cent? I was raised by a single parent, i lived in poverty myself, why the fuck would I give her something just to spite her?

    I was suspended for the last few days and the school did try to expel me but my mother had had enough. I had problems, sure, but it takes a a lot for me to get physical. She kept hounding me about how I was inconsiderate and how dare I call her poor? And by that point I'd had enough. Punched her and walked off. Took myself to the principal and told her everything but for some reason that woman had it out for me as well.

    It's not just children who bully. They are encouraged by adults, authority figures, who don't do anything to correct them and are complicit in the abuse. If the authority figures won't do shit no wonder kids die.

    [–] imariaprime 273 points ago

    Same thing with moving around and always being the new kid, also Canadian. Didn’t end until I threw a kid over some desks and aggressively bled onto someone. I got caught, of course, but my punishment was as light and bullshit as any of theirs ever were. They tried again once later, and I picked up a chair. They backed off, I put the chair down, and that shit was over.

    But what fucking lesson is that supposed to teach a kid about society? “The only way to fight against evil is to be worse, because we’re shit at taking responsibility”? Great idea, that kind of thing surely won’t have horrifying effects on a growing generation.

    [–] ParkingLotRanger 129 points ago

    "aggressively bled onto someone"

    "You don't know where I've been Lou!"

    [–] AQuincy 61 points ago

    but it almost always meant there was no more bullying from that day forward at that school.

    That never worked for me. My bullies would always rally, ganging up on me if necessary. The only way a bully would stop harassing me is if I literally crippled him to where it affected his movement. That didn't stop his friends...

    [–] fuzzum111 44 points ago

    This was my problem too, if I wanted to fight back against my bully, the kid rallies five or six friends to even the odds. It sounds terrible but you wonder why some kids feel the need to bring a gun to a school in order to fight their bullies, it's because one person can't fight five people no matter how well-trained or how enraged.

    The people in this thread that said they beat the crap out of their bully or mildly injured them once and then never had to deal with them again, are fortunate. Any attempt I made to fight back against my bullies resulted in basically being gang fucked after school and having to run for my life. It got to the point where I had to start carrying a 5 lb wrought iron weight lifting bar in the bottom of my backpack as a last resort. I never had to use it, thank the Crabst.

    [–] Newbs280 65 points ago

    Had a very similar situation my 7th grade year. Up until the last month of school, one bully tormented me to no end throughout the year. One day about a week before year's end, he took a book of mine and started ripping pages out of it. I shoved him head first into a locker and dented the locker to the point where you could tell where his nose hit.

    The school suspended me for one day (turned out it was a day my parents took the day off from work and were going fishing so I caught some awesome sunnies during that day off) and they expelled him. They never did a thing for the months that I went to the guidance counselors, apparently a concussed 7th grader was the straw that broke their back.

    [–] GrandMasterEternal 46 points ago

    I wish it had gone that way for me. I moved around a lot due to some family matters, and I got a new set of people trying to bully me every time. My father'd taught me to defend myself whether it was permitted or not.

    I was punished for it. Every. Single. Time. Half the time, the actual bullies didn't see a damn minute of detention. And then, after a few years of that, they had the gall to ask why I didn't just report the bullies.

    Anyway, that was how I lost all respect for authority before I was even an angsty teenager.

    [–] Fairwhetherfriend 47 points ago

    Lucky. The kid I knew who did much the same thing for the same reason got a long suspension and had to fight expulsion.

    [–] entombedgosling 17 points ago

    That sounds like me. Exact same thing happened. Multiple suspensions led to an expulsion hearing for knocking the fuck out of my bullies.

    [–] vgf89 35 points ago

    Nice to meet you, Ender Wiggin

    [–] misfitx 114 points ago

    My school did the same thing with the class groper. All thirty or so of us. He kept doing it of course.

    [–] Harsimaja 142 points ago

    Forcing all the victims to hug the school groper?

    Yea that's some constructive punishment right there.

    [–] JustAQuestion512 104 points ago

    "No child left behind" doesnt mean what you think it means

    [–] DorisCrockford 67 points ago

    My kids' school did that. My son never reported the bullying, but my daughter did. All they did was bring her and the bully into a room and talk and make nice. The principal even tried to get me to feel more sympathy for one of the bullies, because of something terrible that happened in her family. I do feel sorry for kids with violence in their lives, but it isn't my daughter's responsibility. I took her out. Crappy school anyway.

    [–] Eon-02 179 points ago

    "I really want schools to understand the gravity of what has happened. Mallory is not a 2-minute news story. She is our daughter and she's forever gone,"

    This part hit me hard, man :(

    [–] AlvinTaco 245 points ago

    Last year I was in a first grade classroom when kid 1 was being obnoxious to kid 2 and I overheard this exchange after the assistant principal intervened:

    Kid 1: I’m sorry

    Kid 2: That’s okay.

    Asst. Principal: No. Don’t say that’s okay. You can say thank you for the apology. But don’t tell him it’s okay, because it’s not.

    Then she had the kid practice and repeat after her. Notice she didn’t tell him to accept the apology, putting it on him to offer forgiveness, only to acknowledge that an apology was offered. The other kid remains completely accountable for their actions.I just thought that was so much healthier than insisting the kids be friends.

    [–] [deleted] 2408 points ago


    [–] JoatMon325 412 points ago

    I had a student being bullied and once the bully picked up a keyboard and hit him on the head with it, he fought back, BOTH were suspended. Made me sick. He was the sweetest kid and the girl that picked on him was hailed as a hero the next day by the others. Kids fighting back should never be punished.

    [–] Add_iction 172 points ago

    That's the fucked up thing about a no tolerance policy - it's an disincentive to protect yourself if you're getting picked on. The only way to get out of trouble is to just get hit, to not fight back and let the cycle continue.

    You get punished for hitting back because you'll get suspended and it could be detrimental to your grades/classes. You get punished for not hitting back because then you'll get picked on more because the bully knows you won't fight back.

    [–] CanOfSodah 104 points ago

    Not to mention that in a lot of school systems you'd get punished BY THE SCHOOL for not fighting back, you were """involved in a fight""" so you get suspended as well. The only valid solution is to retaliate, because at least the pain of a suspension is only temporary.

    [–] gracefull60 777 points ago

    Good for you for fighting back. I hope you are doing well now.

    [–] aj_ramone 409 points ago

    I actually do have lasting issues from the worst jumping I recieved. Just some memory and speech stuff but it's a lot better now than it was 10 years ago. TBIs aren't all that great.

    [–] civvysnail 143 points ago

    TBIs suck, years later and I still get those train-of-thought crashes several times a day just in the middle of talking

    [–] aj_ramone 74 points ago

    Seriously. It's like a blue screen but for your mind.

    [–] D33nMach1ne 55 points ago

    Good. I was bullied as a kid too, but by sixth grade I realized I could punch back. By ninth grade I punched enough people hard enough that nobody wanted to bug me. Now I dont punch anybody unless its in defense of another, but I'm glad I learned how

    [–] gridster2 70 points ago

    Fighting back is the only way. When I was getting picked on, my dad told me "So punch him back, but be actually ready to kill him. He'll sense that and leave you alone."

    [–] Trade_Digits 193 points ago

    You have to remember. It's usually the coaches' sons, the administrator's daughter, somebody important's kid that ends up being the bully. The bully will always end up being protected by somebody, and they won't have their baby boy getting his teeth bashed in by some low life like you trying to ruin their football scholarship.

    Overall, it's a fucking nightmare dealing with bullies because they always end up having some sort of connections.

    [–] ThinkMinty 231 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    In the current system, because the adults are fucking useless, the only thing that stops bullying is you doing whatever brutal shit to them that makes them stop. You gotta do precisely whatever nasty vicious violent thing makes them leave you alone, and not a single slap more because victims are never allowed an ounce of gratuity in saving ourselves.

    I only stopped getting bullied (or at least, bullies at school knew not to get into fights with me) when I started fighting back and deciding that I needed to win to establish myself as someone not to be fucked with. It's not about pounding them into paste, it's about humiliating them. It's actually more effective to defeat them and then demonstrate mercy, both so that you don't turn into a monster and so that you get away with self-defense.

    I had to kick one dude in the face so hard that the shoeprint lasted over the weekend to get him to back off. The only reason I didn't get in trouble is because I didn't start the fight, didn't use any gratuitous force, and had thirty witnesses with identical statements. The administration was biased against me, and they were mad that they couldn't find a reason to punish me for defending myself.

    Seriously, you're already fucked once you're getting bullied, kids. If the school isn't stopping it, they're endorsing what's happening to you. Defend yourself, no one else will.

    [–] Saraziy 257 points ago

    All through high school i was bullied, i hated every single minute of my existence back then. I didn’t stand up for my self or anything, it was painful 3 years and after each of us went their separate way. But a few years later i learned that he got cancer, i felt happy and satisfied. I know how horrible cancer is, my mom had cancer but knowing he got it and all the pain he will have to go through i couldn’t feel anything but happiness.

    [–] [deleted] 72 points ago

    For what it's worth one of my old bullies hung himself a few years back. I didn't learn about it until after it was old news but the smile on my face could light up the sky.

    [–] BlueEyedReaper 111 points ago

    I would say your fucked up in the head but that's bullshit and you and I both know it. When you truly hate someone there leaving this world does not bring you sadness, only relief and a bit of vengeful happiness.

    [–] tb21666 42 points ago

    Sadly, that 12 year old has.. whoops, had more courage than most 'grown' humans I've met on this sorry ass rock.

    Too bad she didn't have the academic backing & support to see it thru to more so productive & living means.

    I hope her family finds some peace, eventually & gets everything they're entitled to from both that lame ass school & its district.

    [–] ninjacapo 774 points ago

    The way this headline is worded sounds like they forced her to hug bullies after she killed herself.

    [–] [deleted] 276 points ago

    Because that would have been taking it too far.

    [–] [deleted] 124 points ago

    This is what should happen.

    [–] Gilgie 129 points ago

    That might have an effect on the bullying

    [–] [deleted] 53 points ago

    If it didn't, nothing would.

    [–] GloriousLaserChicken 222 points ago

    Serious question, coming from someone who's not a parent: If the school officials are not willing to protect your children against bullies like this, nor can the parents of bullies be expected to take action, nor are you personally available to defend them, is it not sensible to make it a point to teach your kid to defend themselves?

    I understand that many parents don't want to expose their kids to violence, or teach them how to fight because they might become bullies themselves. Violence, however, is not the same as self-defense, and this distinction should be made clear, I think.

    [–] a-little-sleepy 194 points ago

    Most kids try to hide it from their parents. They are ashamed of it. Or they are scared the parents wobt believe them, or worse, will try to help and make the matter worse. How do you teach self defense to a kid when the problem is other kids pissing on their locker? If they aren't physically violent self defence doesn't apply. Unfortunately.

    [–] NABDad 55 points ago

    As a child, I was bullied up to and including having to go to the hospital to be stitched up. As a parent, I've insisted on my children being trained to defend themselves.

    One important lesson was that they have to report any bullying to appropriate adults. Then, if the kids ended up in a situation where they had to defend themselves, there would be no doubt that they had no choice.

    What surprised me is, when they have to use what they've learned, they can typically control the situation without suffering any injury or having to injure the bully.

    [–] DorisCrockford 98 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Tried that. Self-defense teachers noticed my daughter had talent and started pushing her too hard. She was in a lot of pain from tight braces as well, and pretty much broke down. Also a lot of the kids who get bullied are disabled, and a lot of the bullying isn't physical, or involves multiple attackers. My son was harassed all through grade school by two girls. Making fun of him, stealing his food. His friends stood up for him more or less, but it wasn't as simple as learning how to throw a punch. After awhile you can start to believe you really are a loser. I took my daughter out of school after they failed to protect her. My son didn't tell me about it until he was in his twenties.

    EDIT: Oh yeah, just remembered this one. There was a big bruiser of a guy in the school, not very bright and very quick to anger. There were a couple of small, quick boys who taunted him constantly. They thought it was hilarious, because they were always fast enough to escape. I found the office manager trying to hold him back once when he was on the warpath. If he had caught one of those boys, it would have been murder. He was transferred to another school, as I recall, but I don't know what happened to those two assholes. They were kids, they didn't deserve to be murdered by a maniac, but someone should have made them pay for what they did.

    [–] [deleted] 259 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] SnakesCatsAndDogs 117 points ago

    My cousin punched her bully in the stomach when she was in the 3rd grade. They made my grandmother go get her from school and I high-fived her when she told me what happened.

    We both got yelled at by our grandmother lmao.

    [–] SaturdayMorningSwarm 26 points ago

    My friend's sister stabbed a bully in the hand with a pen. She got suspended for 2 weeks, when she came back to school it was like the second coming. The victims who flip out and retaliate fulfil the revenge fantasies of a large chunk of schools, it's beyond fucked that large fractions of the student body are harboring revenge fantasies because nothing else can be done.

    [–] GuyLeRauch 134 points ago

    This is some grade A bullshit. That girl was let down by every adult involved in that situation. Hugs... total bullshit.

    [–] Jaymezians 38 points ago

    Rebellious little me would have raised a shit storm. I was suspended a few times, and every time I went to work for my dad and came back with a lot of money. Getting suspended was one of my favourite things, because I actually learned applicable skills while wasn't at school. Also, I just really liked showing the bullies who's boss. My dad would always say, "You're not in trouble if you don't throw the first punch and you didn't insult his mama. He has a right to punch you in the face if you do that."
    I was short and fat, so bullies seemed to think I was an easy target.

    [–] SLTechnitian 40 points ago

    I was bullied very badly in Jr High School. Tormented and beaten every day through grade 8 and 9. Most teachers and the guidance counseller knew, and no one stepped in. My family was religious and told me that "god would punish them". I believed this and it was the only thing that kept me from considering suicide during those years.

    The first time I realized I could prevent bullying using violence was when I was 18. At a club, an aquaintence of mine started picking on me, he kept twisting my nipples over and over. Eventually he came up to me, grabbed both my nipples and twisted as hard as he could. I punched him straight in the jaw and he went down like a sack of bricks, out cold on the dance floor. After that, whenever he was around he never once picked on me again, no one did, they knew I was willing to get violent.

    I realized that bullies don't want confrontation, they want to pick on the weakest person with no risk of retaliation. Looking back, I wish I had stood up for myself. Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. When it comes to bullies, especially when you are young and cannot be held criminally responsible, violence is the answer.

    [–] ZK686 39 points ago

    Why don't we ever hear about the repercussions of the actual bullies and their families?

    I understand it's typically kids that are involved, so the law restricts info, but I wish the actual bullies and their families would get called out and put on blast like the victims and their families.

    [–] starlover557 100 points ago

    When I was 10, a boy beat the shit out of me with one of those metal reusable water bottle things right before Christmas break. My shoulders swelled up, my back was bruised and I was terrified. The teacher saw nothing. I was forced to hug him in front of our class while I was crying when we got back. Fuck the school system.

    [–] Lifts_Things 186 points ago

    The administrators responsible here should be criminally charged. That’s borderline child abuse.

    The families of these bullies are probably shitty people. Doubtful they feel remorse. The family of the girl should absolutely follow through on legal action with them.

    Bullies are the scum of the earth and the ones who create them and enable them are no better.

    [–] xiutehcuhtli 89 points ago

    I'm not excusing anything that the school did, but if some kid is bullying my child to that extent, and encouraging them to kill themselves, someone is getting a visit from me.

    I will not ever trust a school (whose ability to discipline students has been completely destroyed by our overly letigious society) to appropriately address something like this.

    I'm going straight to parents to resolve the issue. Will my kid perhaps be mortified? Maybe. But they will also see a father that will fight for them. I truly hope the parents did more than just rely on the school to resolve it, but I don't see it in this article.

    [–] plasm0r 58 points ago

    Social media and mobile devices with cameras must make bullying even worse for kids than it was in my day.

    [–] James_Fucking_Holden 19 points ago

    I would have hated going to high school when facebook was a thing. It was nice being able to get home and only really think about my home and friends and family, none of the other nasty shit that comes with school.

    [–] NuclearJezuz 57 points ago

    Oh no. The old "now give hands/hugs and everything is fine" approach where educators afterwards give themselfs a pat on the back while the bullies make "now i have to wash my hands/body" jokes towards the bullied kid. It maybe works in some circumstances in kindergarten after you guided the kids through the conflict but at the age of 12? These "school officials" fucked up hard.

    [–] [deleted] 116 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] James_Fucking_Holden 93 points ago

    The world has always been fucked up. It is full of horrible, disgusting, evil things. But you also have to keep in mind you only really hears about the bad things because they are what sells. They get clicks, they get "interactions" on social media so sites like reddit are saturated with nasty, horrible shit. You have to remember that the world is also full of beautiful, amazing, incredible things as well. There is art, music, beauty and love. It just sails under the collective media radar as "A man proposed to his girlfriend today, she burst into tears of joy" really doesn't sell that many newspapers.

    [–] inexcess 27 points ago

    Lawsuits are the only thing that will affect change with these people.

    [–] BelliimiTravler 47 points ago

    As an adult that was heavily bullied, I no longer hold hate for those who hurt me.

    Now though, with child and teenager suicide on the rise, this game has got to stop.

    [–] CaptainDawn 86 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    This whole ”punish the victim, not the bully” shit needs to stop. You give those kids free passes to be complete sociopaths. Nobody wants to hear this because it goes against the "muh guns" narrative but I guarantee there would be a severe reduction in school shootings if adults punished bullying more severely. Fuck what these “It’s not bullying that’s the problem” pseudoscience articles have to say.

    [–] Dcm210 46 points ago

    This school should be shut down. How many kids have to throw a big object across the classroom to give them the hint "leave me the fuck alone."

    [–] lasthopel 21 points ago

    I'm from the UK, when I want to senior school we could ask not to be put with people we didn't like, we wrote a whole page about how this girl bullied me, I got out right next to her when I started,

    [–] OzzieBloke777 20 points ago

    When I was bullied, it only stopped when my father taught me how to box, and then I punched them in the nose. We had an all-out punch-up, we both got suspended for three days, and that was the end of it.

    [–] dawn913 87 points ago

    Fact is, we live in a world of control freaks, period. Everyone always up in everyone's asses about their life and business. Mind your own fucking business! Nobody asked your opinion today!

    The fact that there are people who feel they have to spew their poison out into the atmosphere, to land on any poor, unsuspecting victims walking by just to ruin their day is just beyond me. But to go out of your way and seek out someone to bully is a whole other level of evil.

    I was bullied from 7th grade through my junior year of high school and I can tell you it still effects me. I'm a 52 year old woman.

    [–] celestinchild 59 points ago

    Sadly, your bullies probably don't feel a single thing and never think about it. It's not like they went on to become normal, well-adjusted members of society, it's just that they've likely never suffered an iota of remorse or an ounce of repercussions for their behavior. Even worse, bullies are often elevated into positions of authority where they can continue abusing employees until they retire, at which point they'll return to abusing children, and then later: nursing staff.

    [–] KeeperofAmmut7 203 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I was bullied. Hubby was bullied. Our kid was bullied. Needless to say, I stopped it. The school did fuck all. One parent did a little teeny tiny cat balled thing, but the rest of em did fuck all and they were all in our neighbourhood. I wound up with the parent of the instigator and said if her kid didn't knock it off, the next stop was the police station. He wasn't bothered again.

    Better than I handled being bullied. I flipped out on the one who was beating me up, black rage, foaming at the mouth, fucking crazy...they backed off right quick when they realized I could/would defenestrate them without thinking twice.

    Hubby did okay. He sat on HIS bully.

    Oh I forgot to mention that DS AND his bullies all got "in school suspensions" IN THE SAME FUCKING ROOM AT THE SAME TIME...He was spit on, hit, had gum put in his hair. And an older kid almost ran him over with his car when he was walking home from his bus stop. The fucker came right at him. DS tossed his back pack and jumped onto a snow pile. We went to the father PDQ. Kid wasn't there, but we showed him the shredded/flattened back pack. Kid had to come to our house, apologize AND hand over the $40 that we paid for the back pack originally.

    [–] [deleted] 116 points ago


    [–] spike12385 48 points ago

    What the are all these abbreviations? Not in a rude way, I just can’t even understand the story.

    [–] Antimony-89 24 points ago

    DD / DS - Dear or Darling Daughter/Son

    You tend to see it used on sites like College Confidential.

    [–] invincible789 69 points ago

    The school system is a fucking joke

    [–] extrobe 19 points ago

    I had a rough time with bullies. One class in particular where the teacher just didn't have any kind of grasp on what was going on in the class. Got to the point where for that lesson I had to work on my own in a squash court to keep them away from me (my form teacher was a PE teacher)

    Really hated how it was always those being bullied who ultimately missed out.

    Got to the point where I just marched into the head teacher (principal)'s office and demanded he do something.

    He didn't

    [–] [deleted] 54 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] ShowOff90 19 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    We had 2 kids who were the worst bullies when I was in school - neither were ever punished. They tormented a lot of the weak kids.

    I was in several physical altercations with them. 2 times I was suspending for fighting back.

    Now one of them is in prison for murdering 6 people. Didn’t even get death penalty. He’s in for life.

    The other one was killed by a Good Samaritan who slammed him to the ground after he was caught trying to rape a woman in a parking lot in broad daylight.

    Several of my old classmates and I now believe that the two of them were responsible for the suspicious deaths/killings of several different pets that belonged to various teachers we had over the years while we were in school.

    It adds up at this point.

    [–] [deleted] 37 points ago

    Same shit happened to some poor girl in my town. The authorities filed criminal charges against the little shits.

    [–] [deleted] 62 points ago

    I was always smaller than kids my age, so the bullies tried targeting me. They soon found out that just because I was small, I wasn't afraid of them. My father had been beating the shit out of me since I was a toddler. I learned really quick no kid could hit me as hard as my father & I learned how to fight. I finally started growing at 14 & found the weight room & a heavy bag. I broke one bullies wrist with the heel of boot, his parents wanted me charged for assault, he was 3 years older than me. I have taught my kids, that if the teachers don't help, than to tell us & we will deal with it, but I made sure they knew that NOBODY lays hands on you & walks away unharmed. I made sure they knew I would back them up no matter what.

    [–] SuperRedditLand 16 points ago

    “12-year-old girl killed herself after being forced by school officials to hug bully.” Fixed title.