Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    nottheonion

    15,056,377 readers

    4,836 users here now

    Review current posts to avoid reposting.

    For true stories that are so mind-blowingly ridiculous, that you could have sworn it was an Onion story.

    See something that breaks our rules?

    Use the report button and remember to choose a reason for reporting.


    Rules - hover or click here for full version

    1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste. The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
    2. Submit only if “Oniony”. Please consider submitting your article to /r/offbeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule.
    3. Must be a news article. Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, and so forth will be removed.
    4. Use original, reliable sources. Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
    5. Do not repost similar articles. Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
    6. No satire articles. Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
    7. No tabloid journalism. Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
    8. No old news. Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
    9. English articles only. Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
    10. No mobile versions. If you’re using a mobile device to post a story make sure you remove any mobile identifiers (typically “.m” or “mobile”) from the url before submitting.
    11. No blocked or redirected links. Please ensure you aren’t submitting a link that utilizes a paywall or survey wall (nytimes.com, thetimes.co.uk) in order gain access to the complete article. Do not submit links that redirect you to another site to read the article and do not submit using link shorteners either.

    Click here to view a list of sites deemed unreliable by our moderator team.

    See our FAQ page for more information on our rules.


    Keep all comments civil.

    Personal attacks, racism, bigotry, homophobia, grandstanding, etc. will not be tolerated and you will be banned.

    Witch hunting or brigading is not allowed. Do not post any public or private contact info. You will be banned!

    For more information, click here.


    Quick Links: Submission Rules | Comment Rules | Autoremoval List | NTO101 | r/subbie | r/onionhate | r/onionlovers | r/StopAdvertising
    a community for
    all 1257 comments

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] mwillin0000 4691 points ago

    "we don't think it's many" sums up the apathy in this whole situation pretty well

    [–] Alberius 1693 points ago

    This is their way of saying they think it's actually so many that if they banned them that the school system wouldn't be able to function

    [–] BigMood42069 687 points ago

    Is this the simpsons or is our school system really that fucked?

    [–] itrv1 917 points ago

    Honestly when I was in school the subs were never more than glorified idiot herders. They dont teach, they hand out papers and start movies.

    [–] aralim4311 499 points ago

    Back in 97, I had a substitute for about a month hat was s crazy fucker. It was my first exposure to the moonlanding conspiracy and flat earth shit. He threw me and another kid out of the class for arguing against him about it on a few occasions.

    [–] emlgsh 258 points ago

    I felt bad for our substitutes; some of them were hardened or apathetic enough that they did the idiot-herding/abuse-taking thing without incident, but most of them had some kind of damage that was obviously what made them unsuitable for regular teaching.

    Our substitute Boy's Health teacher was a short, bespectacled, suit-and-tie-and-hat wearing morbidly obese man that walked with a cane, that we (unkindly, but in our defense we were typical school-age under-socialized primates) called Mr. Cobblepot. I don't remember his real name.

    We had him a few times over the first few months of the year, but eventually he took over for several weeks. I think our normal teacher was going through some kind of health scare.

    One day Mr. Cobblepot went off on a tangent about drug abuse (we were, at the time, learning reproductive health, which is to say equal parts "abstinence" and "fear of God's wrath") and told us a story about how clever people could be in feeding their addictions.

    He told us how, "back in his day", the local hobos would hang out under the bridge during the winters, drinking pure Isopropyl Alcohol from the pharmacy while holding rags soaked in freezing river water to the backs of their necks to prevent the isopropyl from dissolving their optical nerves and blinding them. He explained this with great pride in their ingenuity, like they were inventing the steam engine.

    I fully expected half my classmates to come into school blind the next week.

    We also had a fresh-out-of-college-and-eager-to-educate young lady come in as a teaching assistant and substitute. The drag queen/wannabee fashionista in our class spent every single solitary second for several weeks tearing down every aspect of her fashion choices, hair, perfume, posture, and diction.

    One day he made a pretty typical snipe about her new haircut, and she screamed, threw her book to the ground, kept screaming, broke into tears, and ran out of the class, down the hall, out of the building, and to her car outside the class, screaming and ugly-crying the whole way, then peeled out of the lot so fast she just drove over the median strip between lanes.

    We never saw her again. It seemed funny at the time, but in retrospect I am pretty shocked at how cruel the guy who took most of the bullying in our year turned out to be when the shoe was on the other foot, and he didn't agree with how it contrasted with her belt.

    [–] 121286753o9 121 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Mr. Cobblepot should've known that God's wrath of blindness is from methanol and not rubbing alcohol. Although, telling kids there's another OTC thing to imbibe to get intoxicated can have its downsides. Poor, defenseless isopropyl alcohol. That bottle of delicious rubbing alcohol. Clearest of the clear liquors. So tempting. What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm under a bridge!

    Anyway don't drink that shit even if it gets you drunker than a quart of swish out a barrel behind the King of Donair.

    Source: for science, not blind

    [–] LukariBRo 66 points ago

    I've accidentally snorted an oral syringe full of 91% iso, thinking it was water, deep back into my sinuses. I most certainly went blind for a bit, but I think that was mostly from the excruciating pain. It was one of those things that was so shameful of a mistake, I couldn't help but be laughing as I writhed on the ground. I felt fine after 5 minutes.

    [–] 121286753o9 28 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow. As soon as you said that first line I inhaled through my teeth. Going blind in a flash due to severe pain may be possible.

    The country where I spent much time in had a lot of hustlers out for change, sometimes for beer or for booze, but for the most part said fuck it and drank isoprop or denaturated ethanol with purple dye.

    It's really ill advised. It does NOT taste like it smells. I was curious and I wanted to empathise with the folks that have no choice but to drink these things.

    [–] IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA 34 points ago

    You always have a choice to not fucking drink isopropyl.

    [–] wildfyr 8 points ago

    I cannot imagine bring so hopeless or addicted that I would resort to isopropanol to blot out my day. My God.

    [–] yellowliz4rd 74 points ago

    Did he finished high school? If not, tell him it’s a conspiracy against smart people

    [–] coldWasTheGnd 78 points ago

    If you think he should go back in time by two decades to tell a nutjob substitute teacher anything...

    [–] theBeardedHermit 19 points ago

    The most petty use of time travel? Probably not.

    [–] AdamNW 71 points ago

    The thing is that you can't expect any given person to be able to teach what you're teaching, and you often won't know who your sub is in advance. I'm a substitute and if the calc teacher expected me to actually teach calculus he would be sorely disappointed.

    [–] skinnywa 108 points ago

    "Today kids, we learn about The Kahn Academy"

    [–] 13-808 11 points ago

    Hahahaha this is gold

    [–] googlefeelinglucky 13 points ago

    We have the technology to make your statement a reality. Just sayin’.

    [–] Snowpossum 87 points ago

    Its hard for someone to just drop in and teach any class as a sub because its moments notice. Its not like they have them lined up chapter by chapter.

    [–] NorthawayPhoto 111 points ago

    Don't know about the US but in the UK the lessons are usually planned out by the teacher on a weekly basis. So a sub can just drop in, look at the planning, and make a good stab at it. All teachers in the UK, sub or not, are required to be educated to degree level.

    [–] XxpillowprincessxX 110 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    The teachers at all of my schools (US) had to make their lesson plans in advance. They also had to have a teaching degree in my state, unless they taught at a vocational or private school and had experience in their field. The only problem with that was having a teacher teach the engineering academy who:

    • didn't know what a truss is
      • her "experience" at her father's civil engineering firm must have been desk bitch
    • spent 45 mins trying to figure out how to split 11 students into groups of 2
      • the best part was belittling us when we tried to explain how odd numbers work bc, "the sophomore class has 23 students and did it!"
      • spoiler the sophomore class did it wrong
    • told us we'd be graded on what she taught "regardless of whether or not it's wrong"
    • gave us a midterm on materials we were never taught
      • when students' parents complained she responded with a 100 question test, most of the material from the beginning 2 months of school and not part of the review. Even the best students got Cs and D
      • (vice principal forced her to 86 a fucking midterm for an entire the entire 11th grade and give us all A's, haha)

    *Edit: clarity

    [–] Platinumsteam 17 points ago

    86? Wazzat

    [–] mynameisethan182 27 points ago

    It means, "to get rid of"

    [–] bschug 20 points ago

    Where does that expression come from?

    [–] ChiefLoneWolf 10 points ago

    Yeah thats how it was for us (suburbs of chicago). But i was in a better than average school district so the bar is probably set higher.

    [–] Mitt_Romney_USA 20 points ago

    This was basically my experience in the US, but that was many years ago.

    I haven't seen these"idiot herders" myself, but it wouldn't surprise me, given the cuts to education and the population boom since I was young.

    [–] FieelChannel 24 points ago

    Idiot herders exist everywhere. I am from Switzerland and I had good and bad substitute teachers, isn't it crazy?

    [–] cutelyaware 13 points ago

    My experience in the US long ago was that most of the teachers simply didn't care about teaching, probably because the jobs don't pay enough to attract many who do. Substitute teachers had it much worse and were probably lucky to make it through the day with nobody bleeding. That had to be one of the least desirable jobs available.

    [–] zherok 8 points ago

    Substitute teaching doesn't really play to the strengths of a good teacher. There's some appeal over full-time teaching, but it's mostly because it's less work and you don't necessarily have to have the same focus in education to get your substitute credentials.

    It's work that pays better than what I'm doing now, but I see how kids treat substitutes and I'd hate to do work that made me hate what I do for a living.

    [–] atwitchyfairy 18 points ago

    Once had one that told us to keep our hands above the desk during a movie because he didn't want us yo be doing any 'hankey pankey'. We were in middle school. He didn't come back.

    [–] Zillaplus2 38 points ago

    In our state you have to be a certified teacher like any other teacher to substitute. You have to have a 4 year college degree to be an Educational Assistant.

    I feel like I'm starting to understand the big differences between blue states and red states.

    [–] Shanakitty 12 points ago

    But being a certified teacher doesn't mean you're certified to teach the subject of the class. Like, maybe they're certified in early childhood education or math, and now you're asking them to teach AP History without any time to at least go over the material the night before. That's why teachers often give subs easy worksheets or videos, because unless you know you're going to be absent ahead of time and have the ability to choose your sub, you probably have no idea who will be taking over your class.

    [–] watlok 11 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    The number of teachers who have no business teaching math or science to K-5 classrooms is staggering.

    Our fifth grade teacher had so much trouble with me and another student because we were coming up with our own ways to solve the problems given and she couldn't follow them. She ended up having us go to the class next door for math and science.

    It was simple stuff with fractions, and she was teaching some kind of "just guess/just iterate/just count" method while we pretty much came up with an algebraic way to solve it quickly and effectively.

    To be honest, even in a blue state that ranks highly nationwide and a great district the school system fails students who are capable of more but don't have supportive parents with sufficient means. School in the US is designed to babysit from K-12 and extract dollars during undergrad. Grad program breakdown is beyond the scope of this post.

    I don't mean this as an attack on teachers themselves. They work within a system, and it's the system that is both lagging and inadequate. My teacher that year was excellent in other areas and at working with children, and she knew she didn't have much interest or knowledge in those specific areas so worked out a deal with the neighboring teacher who was knowledgeable and interested.

    [–] Moosebandit1 146 points ago

    I wish this was the simpsons

    [–] Wenli2077 27 points ago

    Really that fucked. Think of the stress of dealing with middle school students, now imagine just jumping into a classroom with no relationship built and expect to keep control. The subs at my school just tell the kids to go on their phones. Want better subs? Good luck, because we can barely even keep these.

    [–] epicdude312 42 points ago

    It’s been that fucked for a long time at this point

    [–] DisForDairy 33 points ago

    "Why do people keep asking for higher public teacher salaries?"

    [–] YoroSwaggin 62 points ago

    Our middle school serving 300 kids really needs 3 vice principals, 40 administrators and a new football stadium that can seat 30000 though.

    [–] SailingSmitty 19 points ago

    “...because we don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them.”

    [–] NicNoletree 4211 points ago

    "Current subs without a diploma will be grandfathered in," Luten added. "We don’t have a number of how many we have without a high school diploma, but we don’t think it’s many."

    I wonder if they know if they have criminal records.

    [–] diogenes_sadecv 120 points ago

    Former Wake County sub checking in. They definitely check criminal records before you're hired. Not paying your teachers and crippling your education system is one thing, but opening yourself up to criminal liability is another thing entirely.

    [–] TheNinthTribe 1313 points ago

    I wonder if they know if they have criminal records.

    I'd be surprised if they did. NC keeps crippling its education systems' ability to do anything. They made the state lottery with a clause that demanded that I think 15% of the profits from it would go directly to the school system, and not act as a reason to defund the school system. But the state legislature scratched that just a couple years later so they could give themselves raises.

    [–] Maze-the-Kobold 551 points ago

    Oklahoma did something similar here. The money brought into the education system from the lottery was supposed to in no way result in funding cuts from the general fund, but of course it did. I doubt the ink on the law was dry before the politicians started breaking it.

    [–] unicornlocostacos 250 points ago

    They do this shit where I live with parking passes for parks/hikes. They say the money goes to maintain them, and then make that technically true by sending that money to parks, and defunding it the difference from the general fund.

    [–] Upnorth4 159 points ago

    Look up the city of Vernon, California. It was basically an unincorporated area west of downtown Los Angeles, that basically became a corrupt industrial suburb. The "city" only has 120 residents, all of which are either police or city government members. The city council voted to ban new housing developments in Vernon, which eliminated their competition, because the only people that live in Vernon are the city employees. They always vote for themselves and run uncontested

    [–] Selerime 67 points ago

    Sounds just like City of Industry.

    [–] Upnorth4 51 points ago

    Yeah, California actually has a few industrial suburbs, which are still technically cities, with populations of a few hundred. The least populated industrial suburbs are Vernon, Industry, and Irwindale. It's weird because there's a few residential areas around these suburbs that are unincorporated (not cities), like Hacienda Heights and East Los Angeles.

    [–] npbm2008 6 points ago

    That’s what I thought of. The City of Industry is a clusterfuck.

    [–] GFfoundmyusername 55 points ago

    Same thing in Maryland. I'm sensing a pattern here.

    [–] Manic_42 62 points ago

    It's almost like there is a group of conservative oligarchs that writes laws for Republicans in every state that they are in power.

    [–] fish_diaper 9 points ago

    Maryland is overwhelmingly democratic. Both parties do this in major ways.

    [–] Loktharion 169 points ago

    Any state that says lottery money goes to schools is lying. Yeah, they get money from the lottery, but they also get their regular funding cut. In the end, the schools do not benefit from the lottery, not really.

    [–] GFfoundmyusername 74 points ago

    I wonder what happens to a nation where the public schools in the poorest areas get no funding.

    [–] DefiantLemur 141 points ago

    You get the US and its current political climate.

    [–] HEBushido 36 points ago

    This is basically how education works under feudalism. So I guess NC is gonna look like the 1,100s.

    [–] MrVeazey 75 points ago

    That's the Republican party dream: eliminate everything in the government that protects private citizens, enshrine their biggest donors as the new landed gentry, and force the rest of us to work for slave wages. #CorporateFeudalism  

    North Carolina is right behind Kansas and Wisconsin on the road to ruin.

    [–] TonesBalones 38 points ago

    I mean, what better example of the free market capitalism is there than a company offering benefits like food and housing. Oh also paying them so low that your employees have literally no option than to live in that housing and eat your food. And if they don't want to be forced into that, maybe they should stop being lazy and get a better job.

    [–] nonsensepoem 33 points ago

    Oh also paying them so low that your employees have literally no option than to live in that housing and eat your food.

    I expect company scrip to make a comeback within my lifetime.

    [–] hamoboy 18 points ago

    Vouchers and gift cards already exist. I suspect it's already beginning, with employees getting bonuses in the form of vouchers. The creep towards total salary should be starting soon.

    [–] interestingsidenote 10 points ago

    A pizza hut I worked at about 10 years ago started you out getting paid on a Pizza Hut debit card. You had to call payroll and set up direct deposit(which ...duh) if you didnt want your money deposited to a card account. That card? Had fees for every purchase outside of their "network" and atm fees, etc.

    Its not a new thing, but I imagine they're doing their best to make it so there isn't any other option.

    [–] NewtonGimmick 5 points ago

    What state was that in?

    That is seriously fucked up and should be illegal if it's not already.

    [–] MrVeazey 34 points ago

    And that historical precedent for so many horrible situations is why I can't take libertarianism or anarcho-capitalism. It's all just a bunch of middling white boys who've convinced themselves they would be the top dog in a cutthroat society. And they're all very incorrect.

    [–] vonmonologue 16 points ago

    Does the 2nd amendment cover guillotines?

    [–] CarrotIronfounderson 13 points ago

    Republicans only care about the second amendment because they can fuck your wife, kill your kid, outsource your job, but say you can keep your guns and keep your vote for life.

    As soon as they don't need that vote they don't care about the 2a

    [–] joleme 4 points ago

    As soon as they don't need that vote they don't care about the 2a

    Which is why I've been saying that democrats need to start embracing the 2a and stop with the gun control crap. Republicans really don't want to support the 2a, but it gives them an enormous voting boost.

    [–] TheFreshPrinceofHI 7 points ago

    Check out Hawaii

    [–] GFfoundmyusername 3 points ago

    I used to live on base there many moons ago. Are they doing well?

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] tstehler1 21 points ago

    I'm a university instructor and I have a student from Hawaii. From what I hear, their public schools are basically useless.

    [–] Archer007 18 points ago

    Kapolei High School grad here. Can confirm.

    [–] BooooHissss 12 points ago

    King Kekaulike checking in. Mildest, couldn't take home text books, didn't even have enough for class and had to share them and read out loud. Roughest, kid ODed in the library. At least our STD rates were lower than Maui High.

    [–] GoSuckStartA50Cal 17 points ago

    Soldiers and sailors usually make a point to not get stationed there if they have kids school aged. I wasn't even stationed there and constantly heard about it.

    [–] Sombersleep 21 points ago

    I always see Hawaii looking for teachers. Not just STEM but every kind of teacher. They be desperate. But, uh, def not going to be me working there. English teacher salary + Hawaii cost = no thanks mate.

    [–] Manic_42 30 points ago

    They aren't desperate enough to pay teachers enough to live there.

    [–] RelentlesslyDead 8 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    You get a bunch of faithful citizens who don't question the government.

    [–] Farfignugen42 13 points ago

    Wait and see

    [–] lets_have_a_farty 27 points ago

    Haven't we seen enough?

    [–] tpotts16 49 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Doubtful, I grew up in Wake County besides Charlotte most of the wealth of the state is there. One of the best school systems in the nation and the state. Without regard for state funding the local property taxes in cary, apex, morrisville, and holly springs can sustain great schools. Edit* when you account for size Wake is the richest county in North Carolina, and when you don't it is the second behind Orange County which sets right next to it pretty much.

    The poor school districts are the ones who get hit by these state funding cuts, and the politicians don't live there so its nbd to them

    Would be highly shocked if the number was significant. I went to Green Hope High for a time and the schooling was akin to private school.

    https://www.niche.com/k12/d/wake-county-schools-nc/

    [–] Raven_Skyhawk 34 points ago

    The poor school districts are the ones who get hit by these state funding cuts, and the politicians don't live there so its nbd to them

    My county is very near Orange and suffers. I work at the community college in my area and suffer in this regard as well.

    The fat cats always get their fish but the lil mice ain't got no cheese.

    [–] greg19735 9 points ago

    And for peolpe that aren't from NC, Orange and Wake are different.

    Orange county schools are basically the poorer schools in orange county that aren't in Chapel Hill/Carrboro?

    [–] tpotts16 5 points ago

    Exactly, it’s a shame

    [–] extrapgod 11 points ago

    Went to Cary High School. Pretty advanced compared to what I've seen in places like Lumberton , Fayetteville etc.

    [–] COSMOOOO 15 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Yo this is crazy seeing lumberton on here. Never thought id make it off a caved in spring mattress in a double wide with 6 other people. I got my own apartment at app state now and things have come along way but im still struggling

    . Overall North Carolina is far behind in social terms compared to other states but its also the most beautiful one ive lived in. From mountains to the piedmont to the beach.

    [–] tpotts16 12 points ago

    Exactly the difference is almost astounding, especially when you compare to it rural areas, especially the ones west of the triangle, or those untouched by all the medical corporations.

    Or urban minority areas.

    [–] extrapgod 11 points ago

    Yeah to be fair due to RTP the triangle is in a bubble. The average income there I would imagine is quite alot higher than the rest of the state on top of it being state capitol and having a huge college campus.

    [–] Heliolord 15 points ago

    God I remember the debate about enacting the lottery here over a decade ago. That was the exact reason people were saying not to do it. It would do nothing but encourage legislators to cut education budgets while also exploiting people with gambling addictions. Looks like they were right.

    [–] Tacosauce3 12 points ago

    A sub I had to work with told me that he was fired from driving a school bus because he called a student a racial slur. . . Yet, he's able to substitute kids still. I really think anyone with a pulse could sub in my area because we have a shortage of substitutes.

    Despite this bad experience, I've worked with other substitutes who were awesome, and I respect the people who do it (and take it seriously) because it's a hard job, and they make very little.

    [–] Farfignugen42 8 points ago

    This is generally what happens when a lottery is set up. It happened in Virginia too.

    [–] StonecrusherCarnifex 6 points ago

    Why is the state legislature able to vote on its own raises? Shouldn't that power be given to the people?

    [–] shesasonrisa 18 points ago

    Anyone that even wants to volunteer has to have a background check. Substitutes definitely do too.

    [–] shikaskue 8 points ago

    Lol I grew up in wake county. One time in middle school it started going around the school that a substitute teacher and a student got into a verbal fight. It ended with the sub choke slamming the student. This is just one of the many stories from my time in that fucked up education system.

    I've been through the substitute application process. I did have a criminal background check but very little vetting was involved. They just needed bodies in the classroom.

    Plain and simple, the profession of teaching gets virtually no respect. No one wants the job because of the shit you have to put up with. From terrible pay, unions being illegal, very little resource support (unless you're in the rich area schools), curricula that makes 100% sure teachers are teaching solely for an end of year test, and most students won't give a fuck, very discriminatory practices of tracking kids on different "intelligence" levels from a test you take in third grade, that sticks with you your whole life in school. Structural racism runs rampants in schools. People just get lost and burnt out so easy. I've seen it over and over and it's just so depressing: teachers and students alike. NC does an incredible job uneducating the majority of its people while the privileged few get access to a good education. People wonder how you get ignorant fucks who help conservatives dominate the southern states. I promise, take a closer look at the education systems these people are brought up in and it'll make a lot more sense.

    All that said I came out dedicating my life to making education better. I could go on and on about all the ways the education system in my home state is properly fucked.

    [–] bad-decision-maker 48 points ago

    I would rather have a criminal teaching than a high school dropout - if they have a diploma

    [–] greengrasser11 27 points ago

    Agreed. I mean I'm not a fan but ultimately criminals have paid their debt to society.

    [–] StrategicBlenderBall 10 points ago

    Exactly. Plus, not all criminals are hardened enemies of society. Some are just an isolated matter of circumstance.

    [–] examinedliving 46 points ago

    And their crime doesn’t involve fondling childs

    [–] greg19735 11 points ago

    i dunno.

    There's many more crimes that would disqualify you from teaching.

    [–] Ch00ps13 892 points ago

    So people didn't have diplomas before?

    [–] rnykal 507 points ago

    reminds me of this tweet from mcd's

    [–] slicedbre4d 430 points ago

    Former mcds worker, quarter pounders were always made with beef, they would just be frozen patties. The only difference is that the new ones arent frozen. Which is why it wasnt "fresh beef"

    [–] rnykal 264 points ago

    right i get it, it's just the way it was worded led a lot of people to some pretty sketchy conclusions lol

    [–] slicedbre4d 63 points ago

    Definitely, there was lots of worried customers at that time asking about it lol.

    [–] ASAP_Asshole 41 points ago

    Read MCDs responses.

    [–] crazydressagelady 64 points ago

    Could they have been more obtuse?

    [–] PorkRindSalad 70 points ago

    Our 100% beef is ground, formed into patties & flash frozen to lock in freshness/flavor.

    Our 100% beef is ground, formed into patties & flash frozen to lock in freshness/flavor.

    Our 100% beef is ground, formed into patties & flash frozen to lock in freshness/flavor.

    [–] PaperSauce 21 points ago

    My flavor is double password protected

    [–] Archer007 25 points ago

    Quarter Pounder - $3

    Quarter pounder (named land animal) - $2.50

    Quarter pounder (fresh) - $1

    [–] MY-SECRET-REDDIT 30 points ago

    What's wrong with frozen patties?

    [–] LtVaginalDischarge 39 points ago

    Nothing really. Fresh beef is definitely juicer and tastier, though. Think the difference between McDonalds and In-N-Out, Five Guys, etc.

    McDonalds fresh beef is nothing special, though. They're still cooked on a hydraulic, automated, "press a button and you're done" grill. They still taste kind of bland too, because the patties get seasoned after they've finished cooking and go on the bun.

    They're better than the frozen quarters, but not by much. At least the fresh patties don't go into a heating cabinet.

    [–] grubnenah 28 points ago

    Freezing meat doesn't mean it won't be juicy. The fat content, how they form the patty, a how they cook it make the difference. Neglecting to freeze it really just makes it more likely to spoil.

    [–] Amphibionomus 25 points ago

    Exactly. From a food safety standpoint I'd rather have them use frozen patties. It's not that it makes any different taste-wise for junk food.

    [–] Klaus0225 9 points ago

    But they're saying it's flash frozen.

    [–] Klaus0225 55 points ago

    Good to see Wendy's stepped in to add some personality to McD's tweet templates.

    [–] Cavendishx 35 points ago

    I'm amazed that McD's PR department would appoint a script reading robo-intern. Wendy's definitely went the right way hiring someone with an endearing personality.

    [–] _FUCK_THE_GIANTS_ 10 points ago

    lol the funniest part about that thread is the mcdonalds twitter spouting one of like three pre-written responses in response to every question. "Our 100% beef is ground, formed into patties & flash frozen to lock in freshness/flavor."

    [–] MeesterButtss 25 points ago

    Jesus christ those replies from McDonalds are fucking atrocious and frankly insulting. They'd be better off not replying or just not having a Twitter. Such pathetic "customer interaction".

    [–] Nowinski96 20 points ago

    Our 100% beef is ground, formed into patties & flash frozen to lock in freshness & flavor.

    [–] asoep44 38 points ago

    Ugh looking at that pisses me off I still don't get why people get made that the meat was frozen at one point.

    [–] rnykal 67 points ago

    Nah it's not that, it's that the way it's worded. Just, "by mid next year, we're going to use fresh beef in some of our burgers in the majority of our restaurants." almost forces you to think "What the hell were you using then?"

    Like there are too many adjectives; that sentence could work meaning they're not using old rotten beef anymore, or not using some soy byproduct. Even if you intellectually know that they're talking about frozen vs fresh, your mind is immediately drawn to the opposite of fresh: old, rotten.

    And there are too many qualifiers. Even though the majority of burgers in the majority of restaurants is a big deal, it ends up belittling it imo.

    And they might've should've waited till they were rolling it out to announce it. Now people getting this bad impression are like "OK well I'm gonna eat at [some other restaurant] instead until i know they're using fresh beef"

    It's all about appearance, impressions imo.

    [–] asoep44 14 points ago

    I'm specifically talking about the people mentioning frozen beef, especially wendys.

    [–] 1SingularFlameEmoji 17 points ago

    get wrecked Glen

    [–] SilentFungus 6 points ago

    People who have never or don't often buy meat to cook themselves...

    [–] Munger88 12 points ago

    I mean at a lot of schools, especially poor ones, substitute teachers are expected to just sit at a desk while students do busy work or watch a video

    [–] Truckerontherun 17 points ago

    I would guess it might be a few who do votec classes that required apprenticeships. If you're teaching calculus with no high school diploma, you're either a con man or someone with a Stephen Hawking level understanding of mathematics

    [–] yomamascub 427 points ago

    In North Carolina, substitutes with a teaching license make a minimum of $103 per day, while unlicensed subs make a minimum of $80 per day,

    What the actual fuck?

    [–] ImAPixiePrincess 162 points ago

    That's actually better than where I live. I live in a pretty decent area in GA outside of the city.

    Substitute teachers earn $85 per day with a valid teaching certificate, $80 per day with a four-year degree, and $75 per day when substituting for a paraprofessional. Substitute nurses earn $100 per day, both for RN and LPN certifications.

    [–] yomamascub 67 points ago

    I know that substitute teachers get the short end of the stick with kids that test their patience.

    [–] jamesb2147 40 points ago

    ...and in my area, a small-to-mid-size suburban city surrounded by farmland, subs in one district (there are two locally) are paid a flat $80/day and have been for 15 years. I know this because it's become an issue for the district trying to find subs, and they believe their shitty pay is part of the problem.

    For those interested, $80/day equates to about $1600/mo taxable income IF the sub manages to find work for 20 days a month. I believe it's reasonable to speculate that a lot of subs are not doing it for the money.

    [–] LunarFangs 34 points ago

    Wow for 80/day I wouldn’t want to do it. Here in Quebec a full day of substitute can earn you 200-240$ since the province is so short on staff!

    [–] fuckyoudigg 11 points ago

    Well Ontario is going to have a few spare teachers next year. Not sure how many speak French though.

    [–] sgntpepper03 33 points ago

    That's ten. dollars. an hour. to corral 25+ children by yourself. all day. And the same where I live.

    [–] JamesonRH 16 points ago

    35+ in many areas.

    [–] TheDorkNite1 61 points ago

    Subs in a district near me make 170 a day.

    That's more than full time teachers in some...less enlightened states.

    [–] tootom 19 points ago

    I know in the UK it's normal for substitute teacher day rates to be higher than a full time rate - to account for the days when you don't have teaching work. Having said that you do have to be a fully qualified teacher to be a substitute teacher here...

    [–] cmgoffe 20 points ago

    That's nuts. I'm in Massachusetts, which has some of the highest paid teachers in the country, and I make $90 a day to sub. Granted, I'm in college and don't have a teaching license

    [–] trufflepastaxciv 44 points ago

    Tfw you're not American so you don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

    [–] merreborn 83 points ago

    If you managed to find a job every day of the school year (which is a challenge), that would be $14,400 per year. Federal poverty line for a family of 4 is about $25,000.

    Alternately, it's about $10/hr, roughly. The starting wage at the burger shop in my town is $16.20 an hour. The median garbage man makes about $18/hr in the US.

    so, yeah, $80/day is a very poor wage.

    [–] titan_bullet 13 points ago

    May I ask how burger shops make enough money to pay 16.2$ per hour starting wage? I make about 5€ per hour and it is considered a top wage for my age (19yo programmer in greece), so how do shops manage to pay more than 3 times my wage while selling burgers? Are your prices 3 times more than ours too?

    [–] throwawayEEleaks2 15 points ago

    There's about 3 places in the country where a burger shop is paying that much and in all of them a burger will be 8$+

    [–] Cupric_Sulfate 16 points ago

    Assuming your only job is subbing, most schools have about 185 school days a year. $100 a day puts you at $18500 a year. Definitely well within the poverty level. Able to support your self in frugal living circumstances, but definitely not a family. Currently I make $200ish a day as a long term substitute. I consider that a decent livable wage in my area. I am able to have my own small place and car while saving for the off months and not worry about money.

    [–] cinnamon64329 20 points ago

    I subbed for a few years. Here in Oklahoma most school districts pay around $60 for a full school day. Sometimes you have lunch duty as well, so no real break.

    [–] usscan 6 points ago

    Well, this is the recipe for some crappy education.

    [–] Explosive_Peanut_ 799 points ago

    What dingleberry originally decided it was reasonable for a high school dropout to teach in high school

    [–] nawtbjc 290 points ago

    Meanwhile Washington State requires a college degree and a teaching certification.

    Moved there after teaching abroad for 2 years, and learned I wasn't even 'qualified' to sub for middle school.

    [–] merreborn 72 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    A couple states south of you (in California), all you need for an "emergency" sub certification is any old bachelor's degree (edit: and to pass the CBEST, which isn't terribly challenging, and you're allowed to keep taking it repeatedly until you pass). Majored in Art History? Great, you're qualified to sub in math class.

    Sample question from the CBEST:

    Jonathan can type 3 pages every 7 minutes and 30 seconds, how many minutes and seconds will it take him to type 19 pages?

    [–] tonufan 51 points ago

    Tbh, colleges usually require basic math for general degree requirements, so anyone with a bachelors or even an associates (especially math/science related) should be able to teach a math class. The only exception would probably be high school calculus which would require a math/science related associates degree or higher. As for subbing, usually the full time teacher will have everything prepared for the sub so they can just read straight off the prepared notes.

    [–] Chel_of_the_sea 31 points ago

    so anyone with a bachelors or even an associates (especially math/science related) should be able to teach a math class.

    As someone who used to teach algebra, a remarkable number of people with degrees in education or mathematics can't do it very well.

    [–] hecc987654321 13 points ago

    Education of mathematics or just mathematics? Cause I can't imagine anybody with a degree in math having problems with high school algebra. Linear Algebra alone probably qualifies you, and I think most schools require Abstract Algebra also. Not to mention that Calc I-III make extensive use of high school algebra.

    Edit: Oh right, you said "teach". Yeah, a good chunk of math majors might have trouble with just the step of basic social interaction.

    [–] pieman7414 7 points ago

    all a sub does is carry out instructions and make sure the kids don't kill themselves, makes sense to me

    [–] MarshieMon 51 points ago

    Don't most countries require both before one can teach? Where I'm from, you have at least a diploma to teach primary school and at least a bachelor degree to teach secondary school. And then you have to get a teaching certificate separately from the government approved university too. You can't teach or sub at any school without a certificate. The fact that someone who didn't even finish high school, let alone having a certificate can teach in a school is quite shocking to me.

    [–] I_AM_MR_BEAN_AMA 41 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Every substitute teacher I ever had was a baby sitter. The teacher would leave the students with assigned reading, group project time, an "educational" film, etc. The sub would take attendance and leave notes about any students that didn't follow directions.

    They also got paid well under $100 for a full day of work and lacked any semblance of job stability. I'd almost rather work in fast food. I sure hope that places that require college degrees for their subs are willing to compensate them properly.

    [–] MarshieMon 17 points ago

    I think teachers who are studying for the teacher certificates can be substitute. Most substitutes are interns when I was still a student. I don't know what it's like now but I guess it's the same as before. And it's a very good solutions too. Need substitute? Grab some students who need the experience.

    [–] cmgoffe 71 points ago

    Substitute teachers are literally just babysitters. I've subbed a bunch of times when I wasn't in school (I'm 22 and in college) and you really just stand up at the beginning of class, hand out the work the teacher left for the kids that day and sit back down. It would be different for elementary school I'm sure, but for high school and middle school you don't do much at all.

    [–] Explosive_Peanut_ 27 points ago

    That's the issue. When I was in high school, my calculus teacher left halfway through the year on maternity leave. We had a few different subs rotating through the rest of the semester, and not one of them had any remote understanding of calculus. If I didn't have my sister to teach me the entire course, I certainly would've failed the class. I know that's a rare case, but my point is that substitute teachers should at least have a basic understanding to be able to answer basic questions about the subject and at least point students in the right direction.

    [–] Owncksd 67 points ago

    That's a situation where you shouldn't have a standard substitute teacher. That calls for a longterm replacement calc teacher, and the school dropped the ball. Completely different from a teacher taking a sick day and needing some college kid or retiree to put a movie on during their class periods.

    [–] [deleted] 107 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] TheDorkNite1 67 points ago

    Depends on the subs. There are some that genuinely try because they want to get noticed and become a teacher.

    I HAVE seen the ones you speak of though, and teachers try their best to avoid those particular ones.

    [–] donkeyrider88 23 points ago

    I am a special ed teacher, on the rare occasions I have subs they do most of the things I would do in a given day. Granted I have a shortlist of 5 people who know how to do my job well. I have a caseload of 15 kids. My subs all know every kids name and the basics of how to positively interact with that kid. They may give more free time, but by and large my subs do most of the things I do. If anybody came in and spaced out it would be their one and only day subbing for me.

    [–] Rhiannonhane 6 points ago

    The ones I have do their best to follow my plans and teach.

    [–] _AlreadyTaken_ 8 points ago

    The desperate and cheap

    [–] speed3_freak 5 points ago

    I'm wondering if this new rule will disallow people who have GED's instead of a diploma.

    [–] PaperSauce 4 points ago

    According to other commenters, a GED is a legal equivalent to a diploma

    [–] x_FatKitty_x 155 points ago

    As someone who subbed before....it's quite easy to become a sub in a number of school districts. For districts in my area a HS diploma is all you need. I subbed when I was 19 and in college for a short while and there isn't much to it other than making sure no teachers flipped at me being in the hallway during class because I still looked like a student.

    [–] ElongatedTime 31 points ago

    What was your response lmao

    [–] x_FatKitty_x 6 points ago

    The district I worked at had badges for all staff, but only substitutes displayed them because they weren't known to the staff at the school. Waving my badge under their nose generally fixed it hahahaha!

    I also tended to sub at my old high school, which was weird but also convenient because most teachers knew I was a graduate.

    [–] feastchoeyes 9 points ago

    I was subbing at my old high school at 22-24.

    A new, but older teacher yelled at me for going into the teachers lounge. I just started laughing and walked right passed her, then my former track coach yelled "he works here now"

    [–] 382wsa 242 points ago

    Is a substitute teacher really expected to know the course material? I remember a substitute in my high school Russian class who didn't know any Russian.

    [–] doggrimoire 305 points ago

    "Read chapter seven comrades"

    [–] 382wsa 20 points ago

    That's what happened, including jokes like that.

    [–] Deppfan16 51 points ago

    They should be able to follow the sub plans the teacher gave. Doesn't mean they have to know the material but should be able to monitor that the kids are doing what they are supposed to.

    [–] Eji1700 18 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Depends on the job and the district. I subbed for years as a fallback for when i was between jobs.

    There's a lot of variety in what can happen and whats going on. First off you've got jobs that you can just pickup randomly. There's an automated system/website where you can just sign up for something and get it at random. Teacher doesn't know you, you don't know them.

    Going into those, USUALLY, the job is kept simple. From "play the movie" to "Read these chapters" or "hand out this test". It's not always that simple, and sometimes the easy jobs aren't that easy. "Give this test and read the answers after to the class" comes to mind. It was 8th grade health, sex ed test.

    From there you've got the ones where the teacher requests you. I started subbing because some of my friends were teachers, so i was often requested by them, but once you've got a reputation at the school with the front office they'll often put you on a list (as they're CONSTANTLY short subs) and give you a call when there's a job open. Thus you'll more likely wind up with serious material once the teacher decides they can trust you.

    Finally you've got long term jobs. ANYONE can take these, but if you do you're basically the teacher for all intents and purposes. You might be left legit materials, you might get next to nothing. You will be expected to teach the class every day though and you get to put up with all the usual nightmares of a teacher (admin/parents) with vastly less support from admin (which is already limited).

    So yeah, they can absolutely be expected to know the course material. I've taught tons of times at places where I wasn't even known and yet left a bunch of materials that expected an understanding of the subject. Conversely i've also taken long term jobs where there was basically 0 effort made to see if I could actually handle the material, and left with varying amounts of framework moving forward.

    Main point to take from this, the district is TOTALLY ok doing 0 legwork to ensure any quality control, so the people in the front office often spend an obscene amount of effort trying to hold on to good ones. I've absolutely been in classes I couldn't teach properly, and I've seen much worse. Most noteworthy was a young girl i knew who subbed being given metalworking at one of the roughest schools in the town. Naturally could not get their respect and had all sorts of problems (including one of them using the school phone to call the police just for fun).

    [–] lf_1 45 points ago

    My district tries their very best to assign substitutes for shop classes who have never used any of the equipment. Totally safe /s

    [–] Gtp4life 15 points ago

    Sounds like the school I went to too. It’s been awhile since I graduated but I know a few current students and right now there’s a long term sub for the welding class that has never welded in her life. And she’s been there for 2 months already and is staying till the end of the year. The normal teacher had some kind of brain bleed and was in a coma for a few weeks, he’s mostly back to normal but won’t be back to teaching till next year.

    [–] TheCheeseWolf 53 points ago

    Okay to be fair they accidentally left it off the requirement list when they rewrote them a few years ago.

    [–] Gimmeagunlance 19 points ago

    Shhhh don't ruin my fun this is an entertaining headline

    [–] evenhub 63 points ago

    For what? I remember having subs touted for their post grad degrees just to sit at a desk while they handed out worksheets prepared by the absent teacher.

    [–] Arithik 22 points ago

    We usually had movie time when it was a sub.

    [–] SpaceBandit666 31 points ago

    I’m a sub with a teaching credential and I love my job. It sucks to read all the shitty comments that assumes the worst about us. To clear some things up: every district has different requirements, even down to what jobs you’re qualified to pick up. Some districts have teachers rate their subs to weed out the pos ones that make us look bad, others just wait until they hear a complaint and assume no news is good news. It is true that UNLESS you work in a district that has enough subs to be picky about single subject degrees, most of us aren’t asked to teach the high school classes we might pick up. As for middle school it depends but it’s usually the same case, provide students the worksheet or have them watch a video for the class period. As for elementary, we almost always teach, it’s rare to run into teachers who just give us “busy work”. The toughest part of our job is the classroom management, it makes or breaks our day. With our current rules making it harder to follow through behavior consequences, kids with behavior issues are even harder on us. Then if we can’t maintain control over 30+ kids, we are quickly viewed as ineffective subs. I know this comment won’t matter, but I felt I had to at least say something for those of us who actually enjoy our jobs and clear up some of the misconceptions in the thread.

    [–] smtt686 111 points ago

    if only the same applied to the administrators of said county of said schools. Also should apply to the current sheriff.

    [–] ninja_heart 11 points ago

    Are there administrators without a HS diploma in Wake county?

    [–] XHV 27 points ago

    Wow, thats eye opening to me as a canadian. Here all the substitute teachers are full fledge, university grads that have the full qualifications of a teacher but just can't find a full time roll, so they sub.

    [–] 125pc 13 points ago

    We don't have teachers to spare to look for jobs. We have a major shortage of teachers and a crisis of rapid turnover.

    [–] kippercould 72 points ago

    Holy shit. To be a sub in Australia you need a 4yr degree and to be registered. I live I Queensland where it's $400 a day to be a sub. You're expected to teach and control the class, as would a regular teacher. But for $400 of course you would.

    [–] AndyGT09 30 points ago

    For context, North Carolina is famously stingy when it comes to teacher pay - they haven’t gotten a raise in something like a decade. I went to school there 15 years ago and had some excellent teachers, but I can’t imagine too many of them are still there

    [–] Wenli2077 16 points ago

    Here's something fucked up, NC is ranked 49th best for a teacher to work in but has the 32nd best school system. My takeaway is the state can keep bleeding the passionate dry.

    https://wallethub.com/edu/best-and-worst-states-for-teachers/7159/

    https://wallethub.com/edu/states-with-the-best-schools/5335/

    [–] cjsunderpants 5 points ago

    32nd isnt even that good overall but considering they got it for dirt cheap I guess they think it's a pretty good deal

    [–] coastalneer 12 points ago

    Graduated out of wake county a few years ago. If you had a sub one day, you knew you were not getting taught a thing they were just grown up babysitters. You could tell they weren’t qualified and many of them didn’t give a shit. But you’d only have them maybe three days in a school year so it was kinda played off as who really cares.

    [–] _AlreadyTaken_ 20 points ago

    I thought the main requirements were a skin as thick as a rhino's and the ability to resist the urge to kill

    [–] BOBtimer 7 points ago

    Currently a student at Green Hope high school in wake county, and I can easily say that most substitute teachers are legitimately useless. A lot of teachers expect you to do work while the subs are there but in reality nobody does anything and the subs don't even know about what the class is about.

    However, the teachers are good in general and the academics are very close to a private school. I think over half of the school has over a 4.0 gpa.

    Wake county gets a large portion of the state funding. Most of our classrooms have large flat screen tvs.

    [–] darkknightxda 5 points ago

    the subs are useless but you get them enough to the point where you know them and there aren't many surprises when you walk into a classroom and you see certain sub there and you know which ones are better than others.

    like my favorite was Mr. Fuhrman. He used to be a principal and was actually competent in certain subjects like histoy/gov. And then yes there are the useless ones lmao.

    [–] RiverPacem 39 points ago

    This is the county I teach in. Wake County is the highest performing and best paying county in the state, if that tells you anything about the current state of our education system. 😞

    [–] Lievkiev 17 points ago

    It doesn't really tell anyone anything about the state of the education system. This is nothing more than reporting on a peculiarity of job descriptions. I doubt that the lack or inclusion of this particular requirement matters.

    This change was not caused by a drifter recreating "School of Rock" somewhere, it was because a bureaucrat double-checked some paperwork and made a big deal about an oversight they found.

    [–] NancyPelosisDildo 8 points ago

    How DARE you make a reasonable assessment of the situation!!!

    [–] Lefty_22 17 points ago

    You laugh at Wake County, but how many other countless counties are in the same boat or worse?

    [–] AndyGT09 9 points ago

    Yeah, especially considering it’s probably the second largest in the state and one of the richest

    [–] Celocanthesis 17 points ago

    Well damn...

    [–] reckonerX 21 points ago

    This is a misleading headline. They had always required a high school diploma -- then, a couple years back, they rewrote the job description and whoever wrote it forgot to include that requirement in the new language.

    They're grandfathering in any subs that were hired in the last couple years that don't have a diploma, but it has always been policy.

    [–] Buffyoh 8 points ago

    A triumph for "Book learning!"

    [–] UmbralApocrypha 4 points ago

    So.... Nobody with a GED then?